Copywriting for cavemen

by
A while back, some scientists at Cambridge University studied a bunch of hunter gatherer tribes, and they came up with an inspiring conclusion:

Hunter gatherers do not work very hard.

In fact, when you add up all the hunting and gathering they do in a typical week, it adds up to about 20 hours.

Compare that to the typical work week of a human being in agricultural society (30 hours) or in an industrial society (40+ hours).

The point being that maybe we’re not evolved to be all gung-ho about non-stop sweat and toil.

And so if you feel a little lazy sometimes, blame it on tens of thousands of years of evolution that our ancestors spent hanging around caves and watching the caveman equivalent of Netflix.

Now, here’s a bit of good news.

If you aren’t all that crazy about long work—weeks, then copywriting might be a good career choice for you.

Some of the top copywriters out there — including Gene Schwartz, Gary Bencivenga, and Parris Lampropoulos — have stated that a good day for them consists of three hours of solid writing.

Pretty cavemannish schedule.

Plus it gets better.

If you’re easily distracted on top of being a little lazy, you’ve got an additional leg up (three legs down?) on all those other monkeys who want to write successful copy.

Because much of copywriting — 60% according to top copywriting coach David Garfinkel — often goes to research.

Ie. reading.

Following random links.

Kicking rocks around.

And looking for that great idea that will help you sell this weeks copy assignment.

So maybe you’re wondering where I’m going with this.

And it’s simply to give you a bit of encouragement in case you’re wondering whether you have what it takes to be a copywriter.

Odds are good that even the things that you might blame yourself for — such as apparent laziness and distractability — might help you in your journey to get to that top level of marketing and writing copy, if you know how to use them.

Of course, there are lots of other things you’ll need as well.

So if you have questions about succeeding as a copywriter, and if you want my opinion on the steps you need to take besides not working very hard and clicking on lots of seductive links, here’s where to go:
https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Flushing your email marketing down the toilet

by

A few days ago, I read about a girl who was forced to flush her hamster down the toilet.

She was traveling with the hamster — her emotional support animal — on Spirit Airlines.

From Miami to Baltimore, Spirit Airlines allowed the hamster on board.

But for the flight back to Miami, Spirit changed their minds when the girl was checking in at the airport. No rodents on the plane, they said.

The girl tried negotiating, or booking other flights, or renting a car.

But nothing worked out.

Finally, according to the girl at least, one Spirit Airlines agent helpfully suggested she either let the hamster run wild in the parking lots surrounding the airport…

Or flush the poor beast down the toilet.

And so, frustrated and worn out and needing to get home to take care of an urgent medical issue, that’s what the girl did.

The lesson being:

There’s simply no arguing when a behemoth corporation, which has control of your life, says no to your small, individual, even reasonable requests.

I bring this up because marketers, copywriters, and anyone else who relies on email as a marketing channel, might face a similar situation soon.

That’s because of some big technical changes that are coming in the newest versions of Apple’s iOS operating system.

Some of these changes, having to do with telemarketing, will be kicking in as soon as this September.

Others, which will be more relevant for email marketing, will be phased in over the next several months.

And in the worst case, this could mean that the traditional online sales funnel — you sign up for a free lead magnet, I send you some promotional emails — will no longer work.

Not just on Apple devices.

In general.

Now maybe you’re skeptical this is really real.

Or you want to know what the actual technical details are before you make up your mind.

Or you are already scared, and want to start taking some action steps to prepare.

In any of those cases, I can point you to the latest episode of David Garfinkel’s Copywriter’s Podcast, where I heard about this issue just this morning.

David’s podcast has the full details, as well as a free opportunity to help you prepare for this transformation.

So if you wanna take a listen and maybe even prevent your valuable email marketing from getting flushed down the swampy and slimy bathroom toilet at Apple International Airport, here’s where to go:

http://copywriterspodcast.com/index.php?podcast=925

Are your headlines missing these 10 must-have ingredients?

by

Real quick today, I wanted to share 10 ingredients for better headlines, along with some examples from advertorials I’ve written recently:

#1. The no. 1 headline driver

When in doubt, go with a “how to” headline. Why? because people have problems and are always looking for solutions to those problems. In other words, use benefits and appeal to self-interest. Example:

“How to prevent ticks from biting and infecting your dog”

#2. “In search of”

I remember some famous direct response copywriter once saying that a decent headline should, at the very least, flag down the correct audience. Even if you don’t talk about benefits or problems, make sure you laser in on the person you want to attract. Example:

“Women with large breasts lecturing me”

#3. Sea salt for headlines

You can’t live by eating salt alone. But it sure makes many dishes taste better. Same with curiosity in headlines. Use it in combination with self-interest and watch the sales drip in. Example:

“I started a new gym habit — then almost gave it up for this stupid reason”

#4. Sticking a spoke in your reader’s mental wheel

I’ve written about this before — using juxtaposition/contrast/paradox is like sticking a spoke in your reader’s mental wheel. It forces him to stop and pay attention in order to resolve the apparent confusion. Example:

“Canine projectile”

#5. The Hallmark approach

If you turn on the Hallmark Channel at any time of day, what will you see? Sappy, human-interest stories. And it works in advertorial headlines, too. Example:

“My family was being devoured by mosquitoes — but this little gizmo saved us”

#6. “The Real World” secret

“Next week, on The Real World…’ Drama. Sex. Conflict. Some things seem to appeal to us on a primal level and don’t need any added justification. So work them into your headlines. Example:

“How I wash blood stains out of my clothes WITHOUT laundry detergent”

#7. A mysterious origin story

As a species, we seem to love reading about accidental and improbable discoveries. If your product has such a mysterious origin story, feature it in the headline. Example:

“The plantar fasciitis secret of an Orangetheory Fitness freak”

#8. Trash talking the competition

If you’re selling a new product to fix an old problem, highlight that fact in your headline by separating yourself from the existing solutions. Example:

“Why security cameras can actually invite robberies — and how I defend my home instead”

#9. Addressing objections

“Yeah, I know I have to take care of my dog’s teeth. But I hate doing it so much. Wait, what? I don’t have to go through the hassle?” If you’re solving a problem that raises a knee-jerk objection, address that in the headline. Example:

“Why your dog should brush her own teeth”

#10. Headline Kryptonite

Prices should never go in the headline of long-form copy, right? Wrong. At least if you do your own testing, and see what works in your specific case. Example:

“How this $14 alarm saved me from a creep at 2am”

And there ya go. 10 ways to write better advertorials headlines along with some examples ot get your headline juices dripping. Mix and match them for best results.

And if you want a more thorough look at how to research, write, and publish profitable story-based advertorials, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

When to accept “touch up” copywriting jobs

by

Last week, after a disappointing run-in with my hairdresser, I wrote about 10 additional services copywriters can offer to their clients.

Copywriter Leah Luong wrote in to get some clarification on strategy #8:

“As a newbie copywriter, I really enjoyed this email. At least they don’t make you into meat pies these days! (Sweeney Todd reference).

“I have a question about #8 The Dreaded Touch Up – How do I know if I should take the gig? In what situations should I run for the hills?”

The Dreaded Touch-Up is when the client comes to you and says, “We have this copy… It’s great, just needs to be touched up a bit.”

Like I wrote in that post last week, I normally avoid this kind of job — but there are cases when it makes sense to take it on. And Leah is asking what those cases are.

Before I give you my opinion, let me tell you about the four types of copywriting clients.

This comes from A-list copywriter Bob Bly, who says clients can fall into one of four categories: arrogant, ignorant, both, or neither.

Says Bob, it’s ok to work with arrogant clients. They know just as much or more about marketing as you do.

It’s also ok to work with ignorant clients. They defer to your opinion and let you take the lead.

What’s NOT ok is working with clients who are both arrogant and ignorant. These folks don’t know much about marketing (“This hairball of a sales letter is almost perfect, just needs some jazzing up”) but they are inflexible in their ignorance (“It absolutely shouldn’t take you more than 2 hours MAX to fix this mess up”).

So the first step of the Acceptable Touch-Up is to make sure you’re not dealing with clients who are both ignorant and arrogant.

Which, by default, leaves you with clients who are just ignorant.

Not ignorant in general.

Just ignorant of what needs to be done to fix their existing copy.

That’s why you, as the copywriter, should take charge and set expectations.

So in the case I referred to last week, I looked over the sales letter, and I found the few things — headline, lead, a couple of bullets — that I thought would make the biggest improvement if changed.

And I told the client, “I’ll write a new headline, new lead, and change these bullets for you, all for the reasonable price of whatever. Does that work for you?”

They agreed. So it made sense for me to take the job. And they were happy with the result, because it was exactly what I said I would do.

That’s my best advice when it comes to dealing with the Dreaded Touch-Up.

In case you’ve got other questions about how to deal with copywriting clients in various situations, you might be interested in the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Science, Skrillex, and sexy sales copy

by

I killed three mosquitoes this afternoon. The little bastards are suddenly everywhere.

I wish some secret government agency would fly planes overhead and spray a cloud of toxic dust over my house to keep me from getting bitten and buzzed.

But until that happens, I guess I’ll have to blast some Skrillex.

No joke.

A science paper from 2016 found that Skrillex’s “Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites” prevents mosquito bites.

The scientists think it’s the way high pitched and low pitched frequencies change in the song.

They found that mosquitoes listening to Skrillex wanted to have less mosquito sex… Communicated less with mosquito neighbors… And were less hungry for mosquito food ie. human blood.

(I just listened to the song. It’s annoying. I can understand why it would make mosquitoes lose their instinct for living.)

Anyways, here’s why I bring this up:

I found out this bit of mosquito knowledge a few days ago while writing an advertorial for a “hypersonic mosquito repellent bracelet.”

People love a scientific explanation backed by research. It’s one of those things that taps into an automatic human response, just like sex.

So I use scientific research whenever possible in my copy.

Thing is, ya can’t always do it, not with the random ecommerce products like the ones I’ve been promoting.

But when it is possible, like with the mosquito bracelet, I make sure to make the scientific research the nail from which I hang the rest of the advertorial.

If you are writing sales copy, even advertorials, this is something to try as well.

By the way, I am still (slowly) putting together my upcoming guide on how to write successful story-based advertorials. If you wanna get notified when it’s out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Nobel-prize winner’s motivational discovery

by

In 2016, a Japanese scientist named Yoshinori Ohsumi was given the Nobel Prize in medicine.

His discovery?

The biological processes underlying autophagy.

auto=self

phagy=eating

It’s literally how our own body consumes itself every day, in millions of little ways.

We do this self-eating for lots of different reasons.

When we’re in a state of starvation, autophagy kicks in to give us fuel for energy.

When we’ve had an infection, autophagy cleans up the bacterial or viral mess that’s been left behind.

It’s also a way of quality control, fixing some of the negative effects of aging, such as malformed proteins that could mess you up.

In other words, autophagy is a very important and necessary process. And it’s no surprse that if autophagy goes missing in your body, all kinds of problems can pop up, including Parkinson’s, diabetes, and cancer, too.

But why am I rattling on about autophagy in this newsletter that’s supposed to be about marketing and the business of copywriting?

Well, I heard someone say once that hunger — ie. autophagy — should be considered an essential nutrient for good health.

And I believe the same goes for good health in business and marketing.

And no, I’m not talking about “you gotta want it” kind of hunger.

I’m talking about actual starvation.

As in, being faced with the chance that you will run out of money, your business will be shut down, and you will have to go to your parents, hat in hand, asking for a loan to tide you over until things get better.

Of course, nobody wants to live like this all the time.

But unless you do experience a period like this every so often, you’re probably also not reaching the optimal level of business leanness, health, and success.

So if you are currently starving, take heart that it might be good for you in the long term.

And if you’ve been living the fat life for a while, it might be time to take some bigger risks and see how that improves your own internal cleanup processes.

But maybe I’m just saying all this to comfort myself.

Because right now, I’m taking on some big risks in the hope of big payoffs.

I’ll let you know how it goes, whether it leads to actual starvation or a new level of success.

In the meantime, if you want to see how to write some lean sales copy, especially about a health product, and especially to an audience that cares about the prestige of Nobel-prize-winning discoveries, then you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Old people in ridiculous t-shirts

by

I was a little shocked when my grandfather opened the door.

He was of mixed Croatian and Italian heritage, as white as they come, and at the time of this story, probably well into his 70s.

When going outside, he would usually wear a suit and a tie. But on this occasion, he opened the door wearing his home outfit — sweatpants and a t-shirt.

And not just any t-shirt.

It was FUBU — “For Us, By Us” — the Afrocentric brand that flourished in the U.S. thanks to being plugged by rappers such as LL Cool J.

This wasn’t the only case of senior clothing mismatch I’ve seen in Croatia.

A few weeks ago I saw an ancient woman, probably born in the Austro-Hungarian empire, wearing a t-shirt that read, “FETISH.”

And around the same time I saw a grey-haired, middle-aged man with a t-shirt that said, “Bitch better have my money.”

Now, I think these cases are all funny.

And I guess I am not the only one. Because juxtaposition — basically putting two things together — is an almost-mechanical way to create humor out of nothing. A shirt that says FETISH is at best trashy. An 80-year old woman wearing a shirt that says FETISH… well, that’s content.

Two points I wanna bring up:

Juxtaposition doesn’t always make for humor. But if you juxtapose things that are different enough, you’re at least going to get some shock or wonder (“The unique world of gay rodeo”).

Second: humor, curiosity, shock, wonder, and juxtaposition are all great things to include on occasion in your sales copy.

They will make people enjoy reading what you have to say, so your audience forms a stronger bond with you.

But they are not a crutch you should rely on endlessly.

And except in personality-based emails or blog posts (such as this one), they are still best paired with that most fundamental direct response driver — self-interest — in order to be effective.

And with that, let me juxtapose an important final point:

If you want to see some examples of serious sales copy that uses light juxtaposition in an effective and sales-producing way, you might like the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The quick and easy marketing lesson hiding under Harry Potter’s robes

by

A few days ago, I watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for the first time.

Odds are, you know all about Harry Potter.

But just in case, let me summarize the first 20 minutes of the movie for you:

Harry is an unloved and unlovable dork. He’s 12 years old and the most distinctive features about him are his John Lennon glasses and his Ringo Starr haircut. In other words, this kid ain’t going nowhere.

And then he gets a letter in the mail.

“You are a wizard, Harry Potter”

Within a whirlwind few days, Harry suddenly comes into talent, money, connections, plus he’s famous and good at sports. Oh — and he gets to wear some snazzy black robes.

So what’s the lesson hiding under all this?

Well, this Harry Potter fantasy is the human condition.

We are all unloved and unlovable in different ways.

We trudge on through life, smiling and putting on a brave face. But deep down, we all keep a bit of hope that we too will get a letter in the mail saying:

“All your problems have been solved, starting NOW! By a magical accident, you are now beautiful and talented and admired and by the way all your money problems have been solved from here to eternity!”

Admit it.

That would be a sweet letter to get, if you could at all believe that it’s true.

Trouble is, Hogwarts is full up for the year.

And probably next year too.

And that’s where direct marketers come in.

Because the best direct marketers will send you just such a letter, promising to take away your biggest problems, starting now — and in a perfectly quick and easy way.

So if you’re trying to sell something, think of poor bespectacled Harry Potter living under the dusty stairs in his aunt’s house, and imagine him receiving your sales pitch.

Will it transform the little dweeb into a magical wizard overnight?

Will it get him excited enough to scrape together his meager allowance so he can send for your “From Weirdo to Wizard” course?

Because if not, you’ve got some work to do, fashioning a better offer or some better marketing.

I can’t help with the offer. But if you want help with the marketing, then I’ve got a quick and easy solution for you:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The latest bad news for direct response copywriters

by

Here’s a fair warning to any copywriters out there:

I just read that Chase Bank has signed a 5-year contract with Persado.

Never heard of Persado?

Neither had I.

It turns out they are a provider of AI-generated marketing copy.

In other words, instead of hiring a marketing agency or in-house talent or (gasp!) even freelance copywriters, Chase Bank will be getting their copy (at least some of it) done by tireless, uncomplaining, non-unionized software robots.

“Pff,” you might say, “good luck to them. I’m sure the copy will be terrible and they’ll just waste their money.”

Not so fast. Chase didn’t just choose Persado because AI is hip or because AI-generated copy is cheap. No. It also performs better. Here’s a test for you:

A: “Access cash from the equity in your home”

B: “It’s true—You can unlock cash from the equity in your home”

Who wrote what and which headline won?

Think about it and then read on.

The first ad headline was written by a red-blooded human copywriter. The second was written by a pale and pasty AI sprite. The AI sprite got the better response.

I think this is a sign of things to come.

Headlines might be the first to go, since they might be easier to write than entire paragraphs and sales arguments and whatever else.

But at the same time… haven’t you heard that the headline is 80% of the ad?

So if computers are writing better headlines than humans, human copywriters might not be getting so well paid in the near future.

Now at this point, maybe you are getting a little nervous. I know I am.

And so I want to tell you that this news doesn’t have to spell doom.

For one thing, in any crisis, it seems that many people suffer, while a few rise to the top and profit even more than before.

Maybe that can be you, if you can really hone your persuasion and copy skills and rise to being in the 1% of all copywriters out there.

The second thing is that copywriting, while it is a noble and profitable profession, maybe should not be your end goal.

Instead, maybe copywriting should simply be a kind of “Trojan horse” that you use to embed yourself within a successful business — AI revolution be damned.

That’s something to think about — even if you’re a rank copywriting newbie.

Anyways, if you’ve got questions about how to succeed in the business of copy, then I have something you might like. It’s a report that summarizes my experience getting well-paying clients during the first few years of my freelance copywriting career.

In case you want to know more about this report, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Stalker girlfriends and email personalization

by

I saw a sexy email marketing question today:

“How do you personalize your emails?”

The email marketer who was posing and answering this question did his darndest to offer value.

“Insert the first name”

“Use dynamic content”

“Recommend personalized products”

All reasonable suggestions.

And if you’ve got an email list, it might make sense to try them.

But you know what?

Odds are really good that this is not something you should be worrying about.

For one, clients aren’t dumb, and you won’t fool them long by inserting their first name into an email.

For another, it’s very possible to screw up personalization and to just appear creepy instead of helpful or friendly.

It reminds me of a story that I’d read about a late-20s guy who was in a relationship dilemma.

He had a new girlfriend and things seemed to be going great.

And then one night, she mentioned something like, “You know, like that time you broke your arm in high school.”

Trouble is, he had never mentioned anything about breaking his arm to the girl.

And after a bit of questioning, she broke down and admitted she had been stalking him for years, including befriending all his friends as well as his sister, just to get close to him before they were even introduced.

You don’t want to be this crazy stalker girlfriend.

So what’s an alternative?

Well, we all have this thing in our heads — unless we are sociopaths — where we mirror each other.

So if I tell you something personal, you feel like there’s a personal bond there. It’s almost like I knew you and I had personalized the email with your info.

So let me tell you something personal.

I was 10.

And along with my dad, I was taking a day trip to a sleepy little coastal town in Sweden.

We were walking on an abandoned street when I saw a colorful storefront.

In the window, a rubber mask-like thing was smiling at me. It was an elephant, with large ears and a lengthy trunk.

“Look at that mask!” I told my dad. “Can we get it?”

My dad took a step back and looked at the shop. He had more life experience than me.

“It’s not a mask and you don’t need it yet.”

“Why? What is it?”

My dad sighed. And then he explained a few things about life to me.

That day was the first time I saw a penis extender.

Anyways, if you’re looking to stretch out and extend your ad budget and you want an effective way to convert more leads to buyers, then I might have something to help you out.

It’s a guide I’m putting together, detailing how I write advertorials that sell (even very generic) ecommerce products to cold Facebook leads.

In case you’re interested in getting notified when it’s out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/