An important reminder for clingy copywriters

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A few days ago, I got carried away.

A potential new client contacted me. “Would you like to write daily emails for us?” he asked.

“Sure I would,” I said. “And I’d like to do more than that for you.”

Then I threw in a kitchen-sinkful of copywriting and marketing services I could provide along with the daily emails. The problem was that at this early stage, I didn’t really know what this client’s actual needs are. In other words, I was pitching instead of selling, as Ben Settle puts it.

Normally, I don’t get this needy or clingy.

But sometimes, it gets away from me.

A few days after this happened, I read something related by direct response copywriter Jason Leister.

I think it’s an important reminder for all copywriters, including myself, who can get carried away when a great new opportunity appears on the horizon. Jason writes:

“Over the years, I’ve come to hire clients very slowly. If you work with clients, consider hiring them SLOWLY. (You are hiring them, remember that. You’re in the driver’s seat of your business, not anyone else. They’ve got the “money” but you have the thing for which they are willing to part with that money. Money is everywhere, YOU are not.)”

Jason then describes what this means practically in his business.

I think it’s worthwhile reading for all freelance copywriters.

If you want to read Jason’s complete email including the practical bits, simply write me and I can forward it to you. Or you can head over to Jason’s site, where he publishes his daily emails with a few days’ delay. Here’s the link:

https://incomparableexpert.org/dailyjournal/

The foolish tale of two cities

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Today I am in Bucharest, the 1.8-million-soul capital of Romania.

From what I’ve seen so far, Bucharest is the same as every other place.

The same Irish pubs. The same kebab shops. The same escape rooms.

Yes, it’s a bit more run down. A bit cheaper. And free of the hordes of beautiful women who plague other eastern European destinations.

But otherwise, it’s the same. Which makes me not want to travel any more. At least here.

Not that I have a special gripe against Bucharest.

Last year, I was in Minsk, the capital of Belarus.

Minsk is NOT the same as everywhere else.

There are very few if any bars or restaurants. The locals are polite but not interested in dealing with foreigners. The main attractions are large socialist monuments, which you can see in a day and a half. All of which makes me not want to travel to Minsk again, either.

Maybe you think I’m just a spoiled tourist. And you’re probably right. But I bring these two cities up to illustrate a marketing point.

Lots of gurus out there advise one of two things:

1) Be yourself and find your quirky and unique voice, or

2) Follow a proven marketing process, and just fill in the blanks

It’s almost always one or the other. Either you need to be doggedly unique… Or you need to follow a proven, cookie-cutter approach.

I think this is foolish.

It’s the marketing equivalent of Minsk and Bucharest, both cities that are unlikely to draw a lot of my repeat tourist business.

The answer, at least as I see it, is you need both.

You need to have your own unique ideas and voice…

And you need to follow a marketing approach that’s been proven to work for many other people.

Maybe you already do this.

If so, good on ya.

But maybe you need some help to make your business the hot attraction that you know it can be. In that case, here’s one place to start your marketing efforts:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The Flipper shortcut to getting rich on the Internet

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When I was around 8 or 9, one of the rare American TV shows we used to get was Flipper.

Flipper is a dolphin. He’s got a couple of kids for friends and they all get into trouble together.

Such as for example, in the episode of the white dolphin:

Flipper’s been missing for a few days. The kids are worried. Flipper finally shows up, and he signals through clicking and chortling that the kids should follow.

It turns out a handsome but unscrupulous local fisherman, wearing a striped pirate shirt, has been trying to net a rare white dolphin.

Long story short, the kids convince the fisherman to leave the white dolphin alone.

But the real twist comes at the end, when it turns out the white dolphin is a female — and Flipper and she have made a baby dolphin together.

Which begs the question… When?

After all, Flipper’s only been gone a few days. Could he have seduced the white dolphiness and knocked her up in such a short time?

Must be.

And this reminded me of something I heard from Internet marketer Travis Sago.

“How do idiots get rich?” Travis asks.

How do they swoop into established markets — without credibility, without building relationships, without tons of free content — and make massive sales right away?

The answer, according to Travis, is that they have the right offer for that marketplace.

If you have the right offer, you don’t need kung fu copywriting, intricate sales funnels, or lots of wooing.

In fact, with the right offer, you should be able to make the sale with a description sent in a Notepad file.

So if you are wondering how idiots are getting rich even though they aren’t as deserving as you, think like smooth Flipper, and look at the offers you’re making.

And now I have a smooth offer to make you. But it won’t make me rich. To find out what I have in mind, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Shame on Stansberry Research

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“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once… Shame on… Shame on you? You fool me… Can’t get fooled again.”
— President George W. Bush

Some time around 2011, financial publisher Stansberry Research ran a monster direct marketing promotion.

It was called the End of America.

The gist was that the US government is too deep in debt and our entire way of life will come crashing down soon.

Stansberry ran this campaign everywhere and made many millions of dollars as a result.

It’s now 2019.

(Happy 3rd of July to all you patriots.)

The end still hasn’t come.

And like Dubya says above, fool me once… can’t get fooled again.

Well, maybe not. Because Stansberry Research is at it again. They are running another promotion right now called the American Jubilee. From what I can tell, it’s the End of America all over again, except tied into “socialism.” And you know what?

It’s selling.

In spite of that old Texas/Tennessee saying, Americans all over the country seem ready for more predictions of imminent national collapse.

And who knows? Maybe folks buy these predictions because they smell blood on the wind.

If the end really is coming, I know how I’m gonna prepare.

I’ll keep investing in myself…

Figuring out how I can help other people succeed so I can profit from their success…

And being a slightly less grumpy person to deal with.

These are the only ways that are guaranteed to keep me alive and plump, before and after the Apocalypse.

Maybe you don’t agree with me. But maybe you do. And if you too are looking to help others succeed so you can profit, then this might help you get started:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to profit from bizarre Florida crimes

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A Florida man (who else) was arrested on Sunday in what is being called a “McDonald’s condiment attack.”

The man was staying at a Tampa motel with his girlfriend.

When the gf brought back the wrong order from McDonald’s, the man allegedly grew angry and struck her with plastic containers of McDonald’s “Sweet ‘n Sour” dipping sauce “in the head and face area.”

He’s been charged with a felony, since he was convicted in April of battering the same girlfriend at another motel.

There are a lot more details to this bizarre story, which you could use to tie this news item into just about any sales pitch. But that’s not my goal for today.

Instead, I just want to give you a checklist of spots to look for such stories, as well as a few examples of how to turn them into profitable emails or blog posts. Here goes:

#1 The Smoking Gun

I only discovered this one recently but it seems to have been pumping out bizarre tabloid news for decades. The front page only has a few stories at a time, and they don’t change often. But the ones that do appear are gold. It’s where I got the condiment attack story above.

#2 The Daily Mail

This English rag mainly has celebrity gossip, and trashy sunbed-tanned British celebrities at that. In between, they sometimes run bizarre stories with lots of interesting details. Such as the story that I developed into Severed ear fills a gaping hole for UK landscaper.

#3 Morbidology

This is a true crime blog. It features in-depth posts about rapes, murders, abductions, disappearances, unsolved mysteries, and gruesome events. Sample story: “The Death of a Nazi” (about a father who raised his son in a neo-Nazi stronghold and was later shot by the kid).

#4 Takimag

Takimag appears to be a kind of high-level Chateau Heartiste: racist, misogynist, and funny. I don’t endorse the views but I read it for a jolt. It’s where I got the inspiration for The bland conspiracy behind the Great Awokening.

#5 The New York Post

This the American version of The Daily Mail. It’s got lots of political outrage and celebrity gossip, but occasionally also something genuinely bizarre. Such as for example, the gem that lead to my post Overweight passenger forces flight attendants to wipe his butt.

#6 Quilette

This site seems to be a right-wing intellectual sinkhole. Lots of earnest hand-wringing. But also an occasional interesting and provocative story. It’s where I got the hook for my Naked yoga for lonely, bearded old men post.

So now you know where to get your fix of bizarre stories. Which you can throw, almost verbatim, into your daily emails. Or into your advertorials. And if you want to see some examples of advertorials that kick of with similarly bizarre stories, then check out the following:

Perry Marshall’s “symptom numero uno of everything we don’t like in our life”

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One time, when I was around 24 or 25, I was standing in a checkout lane at a Safeyway.

This was in Baltimore, where I had gone to high school, and where I had just moved back after going to college out of state.

Anyways, I was in line. The cashier rang me up. The guy bagging the stuff bagged it all up, looked at me and said,

“Excuse me, is your name John?”

I stared at him for a second.

“I’m Chris,” he tried to explain. “I think we went to high school together.”

Sure enough, we did, for one semester in 9th grade. And we were good friends for that one semester.

I didn’t recognize him. He had grown about 5 inches, put on about 50lbs, and lost about all of his hair.

“Oh hi,” I finally said. And I smiled an eyeless smile, nodded, and walked out with my groceries.

Silence.

It’s been about 15 years since this happened. And I still wince each time I remember this interaction. Literally. I winced just now.

Why was I so awkward?

Why didn’t I stay and talk to the guy?

Why did I freeze up instead of clapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Jesus, you’ve grown man. I didn’t recognize you. And where did the hair go?”

I just winced again. But here’s the point.

Marketing genius Perry Marshall once gave a talk. And about an hour into this talk, he brought up his “symptom numero uno of the human condition and everything we don’t like in our life.” Says Perry, this something is the bottom layer of everything that plagues us. And it’s all pervasive — it’s the water that we swim in.

So what is this nasty, all-present, suffocating thing that Perry is talking about?

It’s shame. Shame about things we’ve done. About things we haven’t done. About how we look. About our place in life. About our mistakes, omissions, shortcomings, defects, desires, needs, vulnerabilities, deep and dark secrets, failures. Shame.

If you believe Perry, then shame is something you have to be aware of whenever you’re communicating with anybody about anything.

And of course, when you’re trying to persuade. Such as in your copy and in your marketing efforts.

But shame is kind of like live dynamite. You need to use it wisely.

And responsibly.

If you want to see some examples of using shame, in what I think were wise and responsible ways, take a look at the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Channeling the coleslaw of attraction

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A few days ago I was talking to a friend when, like a snake in the grass, he sprang on me with a deadly question:

“What do you think of the law of attraction?”

Uff.

​​I told him two things. And if you want, I’ll tell you as well.

First, I think the law of attraction doesn’t have to be actually true, but if it makes you act like it’s true, then it will still help.

And two, even though I don’t actually believe the law of attraction to be real…

Sometimes I experience weird coincidences that make me say, what the hell do I know?

Because I read an interview several years ago, and it changed the way I see the world. The interview was with a cognitive scientist named Donald Hoffman, whose big thing is claiming that “reality” is not real.

Hoffman had all sorts of technical explanations for why this is true.

But all I remember is a powerful metaphor he used.

If you turn on your computer, said Hoffman, you’ve got a desktop.

On that desktop, there are likely to be some files lying around.

It’s a useful way of thinking about the computer and what it does.

Of course, it’s completely untrue. Those files are not on the desktop. In fact, there isn’t even any such thing as a file (the way you think of it). What you really have is a bunch of random electrical signals, cut up and spread around your hard drive, along with algorithms for how to piece this vibrating mess together and present it in a meaningful way.

It’s all a big mishmash and it’s way too complex to be useful to an end user.

And that’s why the little file icon, sitting pretty on your desktop and ready for you to double-click it, is so useful.

This desktop-and-file-icon idea is Hoffman’s metaphor for every mental concept.

And to me that includes the law of attraction.

Sure, it’s just a made up way of looking at the world.

But if the messy true nature of the world (the coleslaw of attraction?) is too complex for our limited minds to grasp…

Then why not choose the most helpful and useful file icons to help yourself manage it?

Anyways, that’s the way I look at it, after reading the Hoffman interview and discovering his desktop metaphor.

Anyways, that’s the way I look at it, after reading the Hoffman interview and discovering his desktop metaphor.

Maybe this will help you in case you too can be too rational and skeptical at times.

For less ethereal discussions, such as how to write advertorials that spawn clients out of the ether, channel your positive energy and direct it this way:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The truth about daily emails

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I’ve been on a learning kick lately, reading and watching and slurping up everything I can find by a guy named Travis Sago.

I won’t list his resume here.

Suffice to say he’s an Internet marketer who’s been around for I guess close to two decades.

​​He’s made many millions of dollars.

What’s more, he’s done this profitably (ie. without building up a giant organization, but just him and a couple of elfin helpers).

So if you are a person like me, who doesn’t dream of starting a 100-person company, but who does dream of having a 7-figure income by dabbling in marketing, then you might find what Travis has to say interesting. So I’ll share one Travis thing with you.

It’s one of his 6 secrets for successful email campaigns.

Says Travis:

“Make your email campaign an EVENT”

Now maybe this sounds trivial to you.

But I think it’s a crucial lesson for a lot of businesses today who are hopping onto the daily email bandwagon.

As you might know, I’m also a big fan of Ben Settle. I believe Ben is responsible for the bandwagonification of daily emails. The way he was able to do this was by writing daily emails himself — promoting his own methodology, building his own brand, and refining his ideas and strategies. In other words, there’s definitely a lot of value to writing daily emails.

They help you get positioned as a leader in your market…

They distill your own selling and marketing approach…

They help you create valuable content.

But here’s one thing that they are not likely to do:

They don’t make sales.

Not lots of them anyways. Not in my experience.

For sales, you need an EVENT, just like Travis Sago says.

And to be fair, this is something Ben Settle teaches and lives as well. He’s constantly running events and promotions. And even his core offer — his paid monthly newsletter — is basically an event that comes to an end at the end of each month.

Still, a lot of people who only follow Ben on the surface, and who are bouncing along merrily on the daily email bandwagon, miss this important point.

And that’s why, if you are writing daily emails, and you aren’t getting the results you want, maybe try creating some EVENTS.

As for me, it’s back to work, toiling away at an upcoming event. While that’s not complete, you might like the following free offer — even without an EVENT to promote it:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Copywriters who seek negative validation

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A newbie copywriter asks something fierce:

My goal is to be able to approach a client (cold email, call, etc) and tell them I can make them more money with my words, and follow through.

My idea is since I’m 100% unproven, they’ll be more willing to give up some of the profits than drop thousands up front. So I’m going to sell my services for a low (or no) upfront fee, but request a percentage when they make money.

I need money and I’m tired of waiting. I don’t want to be a copywriter, I’m going to be a copywriter. So there’s my plan.

Are companies generally willing to agree to this?

Am I out of my mind?

Should I go back in the basement for a few years and come out when I’m “better” or go for it?

This was in an online forum and a bunch of people responded, rightly asking, “What do you want to hear? No? You can’t do it?”

The original newbie even admitted he might have been seeking “negative validation.”

I have no idea whether this guy can or cannot succeed in getting client work. I don’t know him. And even if I did, I couldn’t say whether he will succeed. Like Mike Tyson used to say, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.

But there is something else I would point out.

A lot of newbie copywriters seem to have guilt about being new and inexperienced. And so they offer to work for a share of the profits, instead of asking for a fee.

They can certainly try it.

All I can say is that’s not how I did it when I was a newbie…

And that’s not what I would do now if I were starting out all over again.

The reason why is simple. I think the odds are against any respectable or successful business spending the time or the effort to actually run copy that is coming from a guilt-ridden newbie. Especially copy that they didn’t pay for and probably don’t need.

And as for any non-respectable or unsuccessful business — well, why would you want to work with them, even if you’re a newbie?

That’s not to say that a profit-sharing, no-risk deal between a copywriter and a business is out of the question. In fact, that’s the offer I’ve been making over the past few days to a select few of my current and past clients.

I’ll have more to say about this offer in the future. For now, if you want to know about another no-risk deal that could wind up making you some profits, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Marketing lessons from a k-whore

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New technology brings about new social phenomena.

Such as, for example, karma whores. These are the people on platforms like Reddit who post tons of cheap content, often pulled from other sites. Their one goal is to stock their treasure vaults full of fake Internet points, also known as karma.

I read a confessional by one self-admitted karma whore, Brian Burlage.

Of the roughly 250 million Reddit accounts, Burlage’s account is currently 13th in terms of karma. And here’s something to think about: each of his 8.2 billion karma points represents a click from some Reddit user who approved of one of Burlage’s posts or comments.

So what can you learn from such a peak performer? Here are a few lessons:

#1. Stop fighting over scraps

Initially, Burlage lurked on Reddit’s true crime communities. When he decided to become a Reddit titan, he started focusing on massive, mainstream subreddits about cute animals, video games, and interesting photos.

LESSON: Yes, it’s possible to make money in the “teach your parrot to talk” market. But it’s never going to be the kind of money that you can make in massive markets such as health or finance or marketing.

#2. Put on the right mask

From the beginning, Burlage decided to have a joker personality on Reddit. He’d post puns and wisecracks and memes. And he says half the battle was simply choosing a good username: dickfromaccounting.

LESSON: Before you make a move in your market, spend time thinking about how you will position yourself and the angle you’ll decide to take. Like Burlage says, it’s half the battle.

#3. Turn creativity into a chore

Burlage started maintaining extensive notes on his phone, compiling jokes and bits of dialogue that he’d heard, which he could then apply to his Reddit karma whoring.

​​Eventually, his daily routine involved scouring the Internet for hours until he’d rounded up enough good material to get three or four viral posts on Reddit.

LESSON: Much of what looks like creativity, spontaneity, and inspiration is simply drudgery and work. The good news is that, with enough work, even drudges can effectively become creative.

#4. Nerd out, my little engineer

Burlage became a student of the unique personality of each of the subreddits he would post to. He was seeking to figure out exactly what each community wants. And he would obsessively test what works and what doesn’t:

“This was a process of trial and error. I studied the rates at which my viral posts were upvoted minute by minute, hour by hour. I posted at different times of the day to determine when users were most active. For every viral post I made, I deleted a dozen others that failed to stick.”

LESSON: More drudgery. There’s no way around studying your market and testing your marketing approach. But if you take it seriously, you can get to being 13th out of 25 million.

#5. Pay no mind to the growing void in your soul

Here’s a bit of reflection from Burlage after he became a Reddit star:

“As much as Reddit had helped me to fill empty time, it exposed a more significant emptiness within me. Attention on Reddit, after all, is like quicksand. Every post I shared made me feel closer to getting out, but the effort that it took to make those posts plunged me deeper into the pit.”

LESSON: Well, Why expose yourself to the whims of a quicksand platform like Reddit, or Facebook, or Instagram?

Pull your audience out of the quicksand. Form a more direct, more permanent, more meaningful relationship with them. And start competing for real dollars instead of various Internet points.

That’s how I see it. ​​​​​​

By the way, if you’re looking to make a more profitable, more meaningful relationship with fleeting customers, you might find some ideas here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/