Parris Lampropoulos

All that clients really want

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During a bus ride today between two Balkan superpowers, I was surprised to see the bus driver roll down his window, take out a pack of Marlboro’s, and light one. He smoked his cigarette and then tossed the butt out the window.

When a car on the road wasn’t driving fast enough, the bus driver started tailgating. He cursed and talked to himself at full volume. Once he could pass, he honked at the other car for five seconds to show his disgust.

But neither of those made me nervous. What did make me nervous was when the driver took out his phone and started texting at 60 mph. Every so often, he looked up to course correct as the bus listed on the highway to the left or the right.

And yet, nothing bad happened. No crash. No run-over animals or people. We even made it pretty much on time, after you factor in the extra half hour at the border for everyone to get corona throat-swabbed.

If I ever have to make the same trip again… I guess I might go with the same company. After all, they got me to my destination, and they got me there on time.

Maybe you see where this is going.

A couple days ago, I saw a question online about the “ideal copywriter.” If copywriting clients could create their ideal copywriting provider… how would that look?

This brought to mind something I heard A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos say. According to Parris, clients only want three things from a copywriter:

1. He should get results
2. He should deliver copy on time
3. He should be pleasant to work with

If you have all three of these, you’re golden. But two of the three is good enough, says Parris. You just gotta be “damn strong” in those other two.

“Sure,” your client might say, “he did come into our office cursing and smoking. He did insult the secretary and put out his cigarette on our carpet. But he also actually got us the copy in time… and it made us good money. I guess we will hire him again.”

Now if you don’t deliver your copy on time, I’m afraid I can’t help you.

But if all you’re missing is knowledge of how to get results with your copy, then my daily email newsletter might be what you need. It’s all about lessons in copywriting and persuasion, coming from legendary pros like Parris, filtered through my own experience. If you’d like to try it out, click here to sign up.

Today’s magic announcement

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“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
— Arthur C. Clarke

Maybe you heard today’s news:

This year’s Nobel Prize for chemistry is going to UC Berkeley professor Jennifer Doudna for her 2011 discovery of the CRISPR/Cas9 mechanism.

From what I understand, CRISPR is a set of “genetic scissors” that allow you to turn an elephant into a mouse, and a mouse into a louse. In other words, it’s pure magic.

I don’t doubt CRISPR works or that it might one day cure HIV, Huntington’s disease, or sickle cell anemia. But the fact is, I have no idea how it works. On a deep level, I never will. And yet, I’m incredibly excited to read about it, and marvel at the sorcery that is possible today.

My point in bringing this up is something I heard copywriter Parris Lampropoulos say once:

We all believe in magic in one form or another.

Maybe it’s your brand of religion… maybe it’s 34th-century science like CRISPR… maybe it’s karma or vibrations or Wicca or whatever.

But one way or another, human beings want magic in their lives.

They don’t want mundane solutions that improve things a reasonable amount. They want magic — a button to push or a wand to wave or a pill to swallow — which will achieve the impossible, and thrill them in the process.

You might think that’s a tall order. But it’s a good target to shoot for, if you’re in the business of selling people what they want.

Speaking of which:

If you’re looking to be thrilled and surprised, every day, then you might like my email newsletter. To make it magically appear in your inbox, simply click here and fill out the form which pops up out of nowhere.

No need to confess all your sins or virtues in a sales letter

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When I was a kid I got convinced that if I swallow a piece of chewing gum, it will get stuck in my appendix where it will fester until it causes an explosion that kills me.

For years, I was careful to chew gum only in the front of my mouth, to minimize risk. And then one day I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. After hours of tense waiting — no explosion.

My point is that it’s easy to convince yourself that there are some things that you simply must or must not do — without any basis in reality.

Let me give you a copywriting example.

​​Last week I delivered a VSL to a client. He just got back to me to say he thinks it’s great. But he had a question. The course the VSL is selling contains more techniques than the single technique the VSL focuses on. Shouldn’t we change this?

It’s a valid question. In fact, earlier in my copywriting career, I would have believed it’s one of those “musts”: “If it’s in the product, I must talk about it in the sales copy.”

The thing is, in this specific case (a real estate investing product), people don’t really want a complicated, full-blown system. They want an opportunity — some concrete, sexy thing that sounds easy to implement, and that feels like a secret to help them get around the usual ways of doing things.

Which leads me to a bit of wisdom I heard from A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos:

“Does it hurt my case, help my case, or is it neutral?”

That’s what Parris asks about every line, fact, and argument in his sales letters. If something hurts his case, or is neutral, it gets kicked out. Because there’s no need to confess all your sins or all your virtues in a sales letter. Nobody asked — and there will be no explosion if you don’t do it.

Nobody asked me to create a daily email newsletter, either. But I did. I write about copywriting and marketing. If you’d like to see what this newsletter is like, you can sign up here.

Sweet inconsistency in copywriting education

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“The most important thing — you can know every copywriting technique in the book, you can read every book — the most important thing is to understand your audience.”
– Parris Lampropoulos

At the start of this year, I got a job to rewrite a VSL for an upsell of a successful offer.

A bit of background:

The offer was in the real estate investing space. It basically showed newbie investors how to get their leads for free using a secret resource.

​​Once people bought the frontend offer, they were shown the upsell. The upsell was about how to hire virtual assistants to automate much of the work involved in the frontend offer… so you can make more money in less time.

The question was how to position this upsell VSL.

My copywriting coach at the time said something like, “This training is the quickest way to become a millionaire real estate investor.”

That might be true. But my feeling was, for this audience, it was not believable. Most of these people had never even completed their first deal. Lots of them were retirees, or people who just wanted to quit their crap jobs and spend more time at home.

If these folks heard “You can be a millionaire,” my gut feeling was they would say, “No, that’s not me.”

And so I wrote that VSL around the promise of, “Get your first deal faster by doing less.” And that positioning turned out to be a winner. It beat out the control by 50%.

Here’s why I bring up this story from my client annals:

Copywriting wisdom is full of sweet inconsistency. Many top copywriters will tell you to make the biggest promise you can — and they will show you million-dollar ads to back up their case. Here’s a famous one from John Carlton:

“Amazing Secret Discovered By One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards To Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks And Slices… And Can Slash Up To 10 Strokes From Your Game Almost Overnight”

But then you have other top copywriters, who will tell you the opposite — to make modest but believable promises. They will also show you successful ads to back up their case. Here’s one from Gary Bencivenga:

“Get Rich Slowly”

So who’s right? The “biggers” or the “modests”?

Neither, of course. Instead, it’s Parris who’s right.

As he says in the quote above, you’ve got to know your audience. Some audiences will believe any promise, so the larger it is, the better for you. Other audiences won’t. So make the biggest promise you can — as long as you’re sure your audience will find it believable.

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Sorry to see you go

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Here’s a Days-Of-Thunder-sized personal confession:

I cant “read” marketing.

I find it too boring. As soon as I suspect an email or a web page or an article is trying to sell me something, a switch gets flipped in my head, my eyes get watery, and I start to gloss over the text in hope of escape.

This is definitely a problem, since I make my living writing sales copy, the exact kind of stuff I can’t stomach reading.

So I’ve found ways of working around this.

For example, one of the main benefits I get from hand-copying ads is that it simply forces me to carefully read those ads.

For a while, I was also having success by seeking out trends for a “3-minute DR news” feature for my email newsletter. That helped me actually pay attention to other marketers’ ads, even if I had no interest in what they were selling or preaching.

As part of this, I subscribed to dozens of email newsletters. But over time, I unsubscribed from almost all of them.

I did the same just now with copywriter Abbey Woodcock’s newsletter.

All I know about Abbey is that 1) she was one of Parris Lampropoulos’s copy cubs, so she’s gotta know about copywriting and 2) she has some kind of program helping newbie freelancers get started.

Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen in Abbey’s emails, she doesn’t talk too much about 1. But she talks aplenty about 2.

So I unsubscribed. But then, I saw an interesting thing on Abbey’s unsubscribe page.

It’s something I haven’t seen anybody else do. Here’s what happens:

When you click unsubscribe in Abbey’s email, you get taken to her site to confirm. “Yes, I really do want to unsubscribe.” Once you click that, you are taken to one final page.

“Sorry to see you go,” the page says.

And then directly below, it goes on: “Here are some other resources that might be a better fit,” followed by two affiliate links (Copy Chief and something called Effic Planning System).

I thought this was great because 1) it could be genuinely helpful to somebody who wasn’t a fit for Abbey’s stuff and 2) it could make some money for Abbey from an otherwise useless ex-lead.

This illustrates a principle I first heard Ben Settle talk about. (I guess he learned it from Dan Kennedy.)

That principle is to always seek out unused capacity.

Abbey’s unsubscribe page is just one small and clear example of this.

But if you have any kind of business — yes, even as a newbie freelancer — you might have unused capacity that you could profitably exploit.

Take for example these blog posts. For most of the time I’ve been writing them, I simply ended each post without including any kind of call to action.

Unused capacity.

So I started including a CTA each and every time. Something simple. Along the lines of,

I’ve got an email newsletter about marketing and persuasion. If you like what you just read, you might like that too. In case you want to give it a try, click here to subscribe.

Jab, jab, right hook — for sales copy

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Gary Vaynerchuck has this famed marketing idea of “jab, jab, jab, right hook.”

The idea is to give value a bunch of times (the jabs) before making any kind of ask from your audience (the right hook).

I don’t subscribe to this way of splitting up value and sales.

But I do think this “jab, jab, right hook” approach can make sense in straight-up sales copy.

Fact is, when you get in the ring with your prospect, his defenses will be strong. If you try to hit him right on the nose with your most powerful claim right away, he’s just going to duck and weave and keep his guard up.

So what do you do instead?

Well, this ties into the discussion of gradualization from my post yesterday.

In a peanutshell, you jab your prospect first with a bunch of softer, less powerful, but more believable claims. Let me give you an example:

“How Doctors Stay Well While Treating Sick People All Day Long”

That was the headline of a successful magalog written by Parris Lampropoulos.

What do you think this headline is about?

Odds are, you think of clever ways that doctors avoid getting the common cold.

And that’s pretty much how the copy leads off. Here’s a breakdown of the beliefs and claims that Parris cycles through in a few paragraphs:

1. The official line is that doctors don’t get sick because they wash their hands all the time

2. But it’s not true! Studies show that three out of four doctors don’t wash their hands between patients, and over 2 million patients get sick in doctors’ offices

3. The truth is that doctors actually rely on herbs, folk remedies, and non-standard cures to keep from catching infections

5. And doctors also use these “forbidden treatments” to lower their cholesterol, get rid of pains, and prevent cancer and Alzheimer’s

Whoa! Did you catch that?

We started out talking about clever ways doctors use to keep from getting the common cold. Now we’re talking about preventing cancer and Alzheimer’s.

And over the next couple pages, it gets more extreme.

Parris shows you how there are proven but non-standard treatments, not just to prevent cancer and Alzheimer’s, but actually to cure these killer diseases.

For this audience, that’s the right hook. It takes an A-list copywriter like Parris to hold off on this knockout punch long enough that he can be sure to land it, plum on the nose.

In the words of Gene Schwartz, who first wrote about this process:

“This fact — that your most powerful claim does not always make your most powerful headline — is a paradox that many copy writers still cannot accept. Mail order advertisers, however, have a simple way of proving it. When a power-claim headline doesn’t work — for reasons either of Awareness or Sophistication — they immediately split it against a second head, with far fewer claims but far more likely to be believed. Then they build a belief bridge from this second headline, to the same exact claims they featured in the first, but now anticipated by careful preparation every step of the way.”

The occasion of A-list copywriting

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Like Hollywood celebs, A-list copywriters come and go.

Gene Schwartz… Gary Bencivenga, Parris Lampropoulos…

That’s only natural. People age and the market demands new stars.

But what’s not natural is to have a modern-day A-list copywriter introduce a new insight about copywriting.

After all, pretty much all wisdom we have about copywriting was written down around the time that Marlon Brando was screaming “Stella” and redefining what it means to be an actor.

And yet, these new breakthroughs sometimes happen. Case in point:

Dan Ferrari and his “occasions.”

I’ve written about Dan aplenty in these emails. But the short version of his bio is that he was a top copywriter at the Motley Fool, starting around 2013…

Before going out on his own and becoming an even more successful freelance copywriter.

So let me tell you about one new bit of copywriting wisdom I heard from Dan Ferrari. This happened on a call he did with Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief.

Dan was breaking down his “Genesis” promo. This sales letter beat the previous control by over 300%.

(And if you read my email from yesterday about the fickleness of “beating a control,” let me add that the client in this case was Green Valley Natural Products, which hires the best copywriters and is actually owned by an A-list copywriter, Lee Euler. In other words, that previous copy must have been at least decent.)

Anyways, while talking about this promo, Dan made a small comment, something along the lines of:

“I always look for an occasion or an event to tie my copy into.”

This was something I’ve never heard anyone else talk about. It was entirely new, at least to me. And it took me a while to find out what Dan meant by this.

I guess this occasion stuff came natural to him because of his background in writing financial copy.

All financial promos are sensitive to news and current events, because markets are sensitive to news and current events.

But Dan’s insight was that other markets are the same too.

Your prospects also want to know what the occasion is of your writing.

Are you selling a completely new invention that nobody’s heard of until now? And if not, why are they only hearing from you now, and not five years ago?

This is a question you have to answer for your readers. You have to create an “occasion” for your sales letter.

It might seem like a trivial thing to focus on, but it can make the difference between A-list copywriting and everything else.

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Bubonic plague and sales letter reverse-engineering

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In my bimonthly visit to The Daily Mail to get my fix of shock news, I found out something worrying:

There is a plague, brewing right now in the Far East, ready to bring the world to its knees. And no, I’m not talking about the one infecting us all with face masks.

Instead, the literal, bubonic plague is back, bubbling up in a region of Mongolia that borders both China and Russia.

(In other words, you’re not even safe indoors any more).

I didn’t realize the bubonic plague has stuck with us all these years. But according to the WHO, there were thousands of cases of the plague even in the last decade, mostly in Africa and South America. And in the early 20th century, even California had its own plague outbreak, with the epicenter first being San Francisco and then Oakland.

Of course, the biggest plague of them all was the Black Death. It raged through Europe between 1347 and 1351, and killed around 50 million people, about a third of the continent’s population.

Since I spend so much time thinking about copywriting and marketing, this made me think of Lee Euler’s famous Plague of the Black Debt promo, and a presentation A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos gave about it.

Way back when, Parris was a young, struggling, in-debt copywriter. But when the Black Debt promo landed in his mailbox, Parris wound up paying for the newsletter, even though he had no money to invest. The copy was simply that persuasive.

Several hundred thousand people did as Parris did. In fact, this promotion was so successful that people were calling Agora’s offices to buy copies of the promotion, so they could give it to their friends and loved ones. In other words, people were willing to pay to hear the sales pitch.

So Parris thought to himself… if there’s a piece of copy so powerful that it could get some dude with no money to buy an investment newsletter… maybe it might be a good idea to analyze it, see what the secret sauce is.

He wound up breaking it down, paragraph by paragraph, line by line.

And within a year, Parris went from struggling and being in-debt to having 3 controls for big financial publishers.

In the presentation I watched, Parris goes through the Black Debt promo and breaks it down for an audience. I won’t repeat what he said here. For one thing, this was part of a paid product. For another, it wouldn’t be interesting if I rehash it.

However, I’ve noticed a lot of people asking how to actually study successful sales letters. As in, what do you actually look for? There’s even a paid offer out right now, specifically teaching you how to analyze controls.

To me this seems overkill. But if you are just starting out, and are wondering what to look for in a successful DM promotion, here’s a list of questions to ask. These are the questions Parris addresses throughout his presentation., As you’ll see, they aren’t what you might expect:

1. Look at the format. Sales copy usually mimics a well known format like a letter or a video or a documentary. What is the format of this copy mimicking? How is it congruent with the message?

2. Look at the copy surrounding or preceding the main copy (eg. the ad, email, or envelope that gets them there). How does it position the main copy to come?

3. Look at the way the copy kicks off — the headline and the lead. How do they tap into what’s swirling around in the reader’s mind at that exact moment?

4. Look at the headline versus the subhead. How do they complement and complete each other, in terms of emotions, promises, and even format?

5. Look at the lead or the author’s bio. How do they communicate the author’s power? (Power in the literal sense of, “This is a powerful person who could help me. Finally I could have somebody powerful on my side.”)

6. Look for the proof. Where does it appear in relation to the claims it supports?

7. Look at logical arguments. How do they disguise emotional arguments as well?

8. Look for analogies, stories, anecdotes, and historical precedents. How do they prime your brain into accepting claims it might not accept otherwise?

9. How does the copy tap into the fear that you’re being left behind, manipulated, excluded, lied to?

10. How does the copy dismiss alternatives, and position itself as the only option?

11. Where and how does the copy introduce surprises, twists, turns, and genuine novelty?

12. How does the copy guarantee you’re getting a sure thing? Yeah, it’s probably got an actual guarantee. But is there more to it than that?

Social proof concentration and when not to use it

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It all happened within three or four days. Ben Settle, Brian Kurtz, Abbey Woodcock, Kevin Rogers, and David Deutsch all emailed about the same topic:

Reclusive A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos was finally offering a training. He would reveal his best-kept, most profitable secrets to raise funds for his cousin’s cancer treatment.

The first email I got on the topic, I thought, this is interesting — but I’ve already got plenty of copywriting trainings as is. Second email, I thought, another email about that same thing. Third email, maybe I should get this. Fourth email, I better get this now while I still can.

This experience was an illustration of a persuasion principle I read about in a book called The Catalyst. The principle is called concentration.

In a nutshell, all instances of social proof are not the same. If you can get a bunch of people to independently recommend your thing, and they do it in real quick succession, it’s much more powerful than having it all spread out. If it’s spread out, then your prospect can forget about each individual piece of social proof, or rationalize it away. If it’s concentrated, he cannot.

This idea might might or might not be useful if you’re writing a piece of direct response copy. (You’ll have to think about it and make up your own mind.)

But if you’re interested in persuasion more broadly, then the principle of concentration definitely has immediate application. If you’re marshaling an army of lieutenants who will all fight for your cause, it makes sense to focus their attack on one specific point, at one specific time.

But here’s a question to leave you thinking:

Concentration clearly worked on me and got me to pay Parris some $300 for his very valuable training.

But are there situations where concentrating your message might be a less efficient use of your resources?

​​I personally think so. If you agree with me, and you can name some specific situations, I’d love to hear from you. Write in and let me know.

Blood-sucking Transylvanian copywriting secrets

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For the past week, I’ve been reading a book called The Land Beyond The Forest.

It was written in the late 19th century by a Scottish woman named Emily Gerard, who lived for a good part of her life in Transylvania (a section of today’s Romania). This book was one of the inspirations for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which was published about 10 years after Gerard’s book.

Anyways, I came across the following passage in the book, which has a lot of value if you’re a copywriter — or just trying to craft sticky messages. Gerard’s writing is in italics and indented, my comments in regular font:

“As in Italy, the recitatore (story-teller), called here provestitore, holds an important place among the Roumanians.”

People love a good story, and they always will. That’s why you should use stories in copy whenever you can.

“The stories recited usually belong to the class of ogre and fairy tale, and would seem rather adapted to a nursery audience than to a circle of full-grown men and women.”

Parris Lampropoulos once said we all believe in magic. It can be overt like these Romanian peasants and their fairy tales… but it’s true even of nerdy and rational 21st century science buffs.

“Sometimes in verse, sometimes in prose, these stories oftenest set forth the adventures of some prince subjected to the cruel persecutions of a giant or sorcerer. The hero has usually a series of tasks allotted to him, or difficulties to be overcome, before he is permitted to enjoy his father’s throne in peace and lead home the beautiful princess to whom he is attached.”

A perfect 2-sentence summary of the hero’s journey, which is one good template you can use to tell a compelling story in copy.

“The tasks dealt out to him must be three at least, sometimes six, seven, nine, or twelve; but never more than this last number, which indeed is quite sufficient for the endurance even of a fairy prince.”

Same thing in copywriting. When you’re giving proof, arguments, or examples, it’s common and effective to give three of the bunch. Plus, if you swap out “task” and put in “bonus” or “premium,” you get the structure of a good offer.

“When the tasks are nine or twelve in number they are then grouped together in batches of three, each batch being finished off with some stereotyped phrase, such as, ‘But our hero’s trials were not yet over by any means, and much remains still to be told.'”

“But wait, there’s more!” Some phrases are so valuable that they keep surfacing across cultures, across media, and across centuries.

“As a matter of course, these trials must always be arranged crescendo, advancing in horror and difficulty towards the end.”

This reminds me of something I heard in a video by copywriter Kyle Milligan. Kyle quoted Agora Fiancial chief Joe Schriefer, who apparently says, “The magic show must always get better!” In other words, the proof must improve, and the results too.

And that, young Nosferatu, is the quote I wanted to share with you.

You probably know this already, but there are predictable ways to get into people’s heads and influence them. Direct marketing copywriters have figured out many of these tricks for themselves.

​​But if you look around, there are other disciplines, or even folk traditions, that can give you good ideas for how to craft sticky, influential messages. And this passage from Gerard’s blood-sucking Transylvanian book is just one good example of that.