Dan Kennedy

The most tastless and offensive Christmas song ever?

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“I’m not singing that line. I’ll sing anything, but I’m not singing that line.”

“You have to. That’s the line I saved for you. That’s the one that’s going to make them hurt the most.”

Here’s a potentially offputting and offensive Christmas eve story:

Some 37 years ago, on November 25 1984, dozens of British and Irish pop stars gathered at 10 Basing Street in London.

The event was Band Aid:

An attempt to record a hit song in just one day and get it to the top of the charts before Christmas. All proceeds were to help relieve the crisis in Ethiopia, where drought had put 7 million people at risk of a slow and miserable death.

Against all odds, Band Aid turned out to be a success.

The song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” became the fastest- and biggest-selling single in UK history. It raised some some $25 million outright. It also spawned later efforts like Live Aid and USA for Africa, which raised hundreds of millions of dollars more.

In spite of all this, “Do They Know It’s Christmas” has had many critics over the years.

People hate the song for different reasons, but one strain can be summed up by the disgust at the line that fell to Bono of U2 to sing.

Bono initially refused to sing the line.

But Bob Geldof, the organizer of Band Aid and a personal friend of Bono’s, was too persuasive and won out in the end.

And so at the end of the first verse of “Do They Know It’s Christmas”… after contrasting the world of British plenty to the world of dread and fear in Ethopia, Bono belts out:

“Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you”

Was this necessary? Would the song have worked as well without it?

We won’t ever know. But going by how much controversy, attention, and outrage this one line has caused over the years… it’s possible it tipped the scales of guilt and shame needed to stir action.

So that’s the rather harsh and out-of-season message I have for you tonight.

You might feel reluctant to offend, to say something that people might find provocative, shocking, or tasteless. You might put it off and say, “It’s not the right moment now. I’ll do it after the holidays… in the New Year… once corona passes… when the Cleveland Indians win the World Series.”

Sooner or later though, this attitude means you will miss an opportunity to make a real difference.

So Merry Christmas. And let me sum up my message with a few words by the original Grinch of direct marketing, Dan Kennedy:

“There is never any need to be or behave like a prick in order to be successful, but you must be okay with some, possibly many, people thinking of you as an insufferable prick.”

And on that note, I’d like to advertise my email newsletter. It’s been praised by many people in the direct response industry… and it’s been ignored by others. If you’d like to check it out, you can sign up here.

Don’t read this if you can’t stand harsh glaring lights

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“It is important that you get clear for yourself that your only access to impacting life is action. The world does not care what you intend, how committed you are, how you feel, or what you think, and certainly, it has no interest in what you want and don’t want.”
— Werner Erhard, founder of est

Last week, after I sent out my Copy Koala Millions™ email, a reader named Lester wrote in with this interesting point:

“The one other thing I remember from Carlton is how in almost all business segments, the customers want easy/painless/low effort results. BUT the body building/fitness guys want the opposite. You have to sell how fucking painful and hard it will be with what you are selling.”

It’s true — 99% of sales copy promises quick/easy/foolproof results, preferably accomplished by an external mechanism, which you activate by pressing a large red button that reads “INSTANT RESULTS HERE.”

But like Lester says, not every market is like that. Bodybuilders for one… maybe also small business owners and entrepreneurs.

For example, yesterday I wrote about Dan Kennedy’s “#1 most powerful personal discipline in all the world.”

Dan promises that this one discipline can make you successful beyond your wildest dreams.

But honestly, I didn’t need that promise to buy what Dan was selling. I became hypnotized as soon as I read the words “powerful personal discipline.” At that point, I was 86% sold already.

That’s why I said yesterday that I don’t need to sell this idea to you either. Because if you feel the twitching of this same drive for overcoming inside you… you probably perked up just because I kept stuffing the terms “self discipline” and “personal discipline” a dozen times in what I wrote yesterday.

The fact is, there’s a very real need inside most people for occasional struggle, suffering, and proving their own worth.

Suffering and struggle might not sell in front-end copy going out to a cold list of people who are already suffering and struggling with a problem.

But it definitely does sell, including in sister markets to direct response. Such as the seminar business, for example.

Werner Erhard, the guy I quoted up top, ran est, the biggest personal development product of the 1970s. est consisted of two weekend-long seminars where people would literally piss themselves because they weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom — in a giant hall filled with hundreds of strangers.

On day two, attendees would go through the “danger process.” From the book Odd Gods:

“A row of the audience at a time would go on stage and be confronted by est staff. One person would ‘bullbait’ all of them, saying and doing things in order to get them to react. Other volunteers would be body catchers for those who fell, a common occurrence.”

Like I said, this went on for two weekends in a row. In other words, people would show up one weekend, get humiliated and brutalized, and come back the next weekend for more. When it was all said and done, people found it transformative, and enthusiastically recommended est to their friends and family.

My point is simply a reminder. We are no longer living in the world of one-off sales letters pitching a book of Chinese medicine secrets. Today, there’s plenty of money to be made by being strict, demanding, and harsh. Yes, even in your sales copy.

… well with one caveat. I’ll get to that in my email tomorrow. Read it or fail.

The #1 most powerful personal discipline in all the world

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Today, I want to share with you the #1 most powerful personal discipline in all the world.

It struck me like lightning a few days ago when I came across it in Dan Kennedy’s No B.S. Time Management book.

Dan says everybody he has ever met who sticks to this discipline ends up hugely successful… while everybody who doesn’t stick to it eventually fails.

In other words, this one discipline is the difference between the winners and the losers… the Bugs Bunnies on the one hand, and the Daffy Ducks on the other… the Jerry Seinfelds and the George Costanzas of the world.

So with that intro, would you like to know what this discipline is? Get ready:

It’s punctuality.

“Gaaaah, come on!” you say. “Next you’ll be telling me to brush my teeth and make my bed each morning!”

Keep yer shirt on. I’m not telling you to do anything, tooth-wise or punctuality-wise.

I just want to share what Dan says about punctuality. He makes a big case for punctuality being a proxy for trustworthiness. According to Dan’s research into the brains of the rich and successful, the higher you go up the wealth ladder, the more people will judge you based on your punctuality.

Even so, maybe punctually genuinely is not an issue for you.

It’s never been an issue for me. I show up to meetings on time, I deliver client work at agreed-upon deadlines, I do stuff when I tell people I will do it.

But here’s the lightning bolt that struck me when I read Dan’s praise of punctuality:

I realized that while I’m punctual in my contracts with others…

I’m not at all punctual in my contracts with myself. Rather, I’m very sloppy and lax with myself.

The fact is, I’m lazy by nature. I take advantage of working on my own, with no evil boss standing above me with a big wooden ruler, ready to rap me on the knuckles as soon as I start to lag.

So I show up to work when I feel like it. I take long lunches. I pay no mind to the clock. Why would I? It’s the benefit of working for myself, by myself.

​​Here’s Dan Kennedy again:

Good news. bad news.
Good news! You are now your own boss!
Bad news! You are a lousy boss with one unreliable employee!

So all I want to tell you is that I’m now taking punctuality a lot more seriously. Yes, even when I’m by myself. Even when no one around to judge me or distrust me or make me feel unprofessional.

I can tell you I’ve been more productive as a result while spending less time working. And more importantly, I feel better. I also feel a little morally superior to that undisciplined sloth who lived in my skin until just a few days ago.

Normally, this might be the point in my email where I suggest the same change of attitude to you.

I certainly won’t advise you against taking up the personal discipline of punctuality. But I won’t advise you to take it up either.

Because I don’t have to.

If you’re curious how I can be so cavalier and confident about your self-discipline habits and your future success… well, sign up for my newsletter. My email tomorrow will explain everything. I’ll send it out at exactly 8:37 PM CET.

An open letter to an internet detective who caught me sneaking yesterday

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Yesterday, I wrote an email which referenced something Ben Settle said a few days ago. Big mistake.

Because one vigilante detective on the Internet immediately sensed something suspicious was afoot. So he reached through the screen… grabbed me by the scruff of the neck… and started investigating where I’ve been the past few days. He wrote:

“The other time John Bejakovic said he was unsubscribing from Ben Settle’s email list. I wonder how he still managed to get wind of an email Ben sent few days ago.”

Ever since my teenage days, I’ve loved explaining my comings and goings to other people. So as a way of explaining myself this time, let me tell you a fun Dan Kennedy story.

Many years ago, Dan worked with a client named Tom Orent. Orent is a marketer in the dentistry niche.

One of Orent’s offers was a yearly $48k coaching program. (By the way, this was back in the early 2000s. Think more like $200k in today’s marketing money.)

So at a seminar one time, Dan got a question from an intrigued audience member. “What the hell does Tom Orent do in his coaching program to justify the $48k price tag?”

Dan chuckled. “First of all,” he said, “let me suggest a better question. Rather than, what the hell does Tom Orent do to justify his $48k fee… the better question would be, how does Tom Orent sell his $48k coaching program. Because the sales mechanism is far more useful for you to discover than what is being delivered. However, since you asked the wrong question, you get the answer to the wrong question…”

And then Dan laid out the pretty uninteresting content of Tom Orent’s $48k coaching program.
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Similarly, here’s my explanation of my whereabouts over the past few months:

I did unsubscribe from Ben Settle’s print newsletter this summer. That’s what I wrote about in a series of emails a short while ago.

But I never unsubscribed from Ben’s emails. That would be foolish, even by my standards. Because like Dan says, the sales mechanism is far more useful to discover than what is being delivered.

But really… that’s not why I keep reading Ben’s emails.

I bet you’ve got a bursting swipe file already. I know I do. And so the real reason why I still subscribe to Ben’s emails is not so I can stuff more word tonnage into my swipe file, like a little squirrel with its cheeks full of acorns, trying to fit just one more in there.

No, I read Ben’s emails for another reason. Again, here’s Dan Kennedy:

“Put your best stuff in your lowest-priced stuff.”

I don’t know if Ben goes by this. But I’ve personally found a lot of tactical, business, and personal value in Ben’s free emails.

And that’s the truth, Mr. Internet Detective. That’s why I keep reading. And that’s how I got wind of Ben’s email from a few days ago. That’s the answer to your question.

But let me suggest a better question.

Rather than, how did I get wind of Ben’s email… the better question would be, how do I keep from missing out on valuable lessons that Ben hides in plain sight? And how did I recently apply some of those lessons to my business, and profit from them already?

That’s what I was planning on talking about in today’s email. ​
​
Because there’s no point in getting somebody’s best stuff for free… unless you recognize it as such and then do something with it. However, since I got asked the wrong question…

Want answers to some right questions? I write an email newsletter every day. You can subscribe to it here, and in that way, keep track of my suspicious comings and goings.

 

What ARGs and QAnon can teach us about marketing

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Two days ago, I sent out an email with a simple engagement device:

I promised to give away a story with a marketing moral, in exchange for people writing in and telling me their zodiac sign. (Virgos came out on top, by the way. And pisces. So few aquarii.)

I got inspired to do this by hearing Dan Kennedy say he’s been making his own engagement devices simpler and simpler with each passing year. “Send us a piece of paper with a big black mark on it… and you win!” (Even so, I had a few birds-of-paradise write me to say, “I don’t do horoscopes. Can I still have the story?”)

This is part of a general trend.

“Reduce friction,” many high-level marketers will tell you. Tell stories that are as widely appealing as possible. Make your writing as simple as possible. Echo your prospect’s values back to him as clearly as possible.

Well, that’s one way to do it.

But I read interesting article today about the exact opposite way. The article was written by Adrian Hon, who is a successful game designer who has influenced the lives of millions of people.

Hon compared his own field, augmented reality games, with the allure of QAnon and the world of conspiracy theories. The conclusions were these:

1. “But there’s always been another kind of entertainment that appeals to different people at different times, one that rewards active discovery, the drawing of connections between clues, the delicious sensation of a hunch that pays off after hours or days of work. Puzzle books, murder mysteries, adventure games, escape rooms, even scientific research – they all aim for the same spot.”

2. “Online communities have long been dismissed as inferior in every way to ‘real’ friendships, an attenuated version that’s better than nothing, but not something that anyone should choose. Yet ARGs and QAnon (and games and fandom and so many other things) demonstrate there’s an immediacy and scale and relevance to online communities that can be more potent and rewarding than a neighbourhood bake sale.”

3. “The same has happened with modern ARGs, where explainer videos have become so compelling they rack up more views than the ARGs have players (not unlike Twitch).”

The point I take away from this is that people will get fanatically involved in things that require work, struggle, and uncertainty. Because it creates a thrill. And it gives them a feeling of agency.

Second, you can now make a world for your prospects that’s more stimulating and more real than any experience they’ve had before.

And third, if you’re a really calculating type, you can have your cake and eat it too. Because if you set out to create an experience for the engaged, rabid core of your audience… the people who play along with your complex and challenging world-building… well, the passive-but-profitable remainder will still follow along.

But why am I spoon-feeding you these ideas?

Perhaps you are the kind of person who gets what I’m talking about.

Maybe want to discover and experience some things yourself.

In that case, here’s the link to Hon’s article. It’s not a recipe for world-building. But is an entry point into Hon’s world. And it might be just the type of thing to help you crack this puzzle one day:

https://mssv.net/2020/08/02/what-args-can-teach-us-about-qanon/

It’s good whether it’s good or not

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Dan Kennedy was in the back of the room, getting coffee and a donut before one of his seminars. One of the attendees, a guy named Charlie, sidled over and picked up a donut also.

“I’m really looking forward to this,” Charlie said to Dan. “It’s gonna be good. It better be good!”

The unspoken point was that Charlie, like everybody else in the room except Dan, had paid a ton of money to be there. 10-15 grand. The seminar better be worth it.

Dan Kennedy brushed some powdered sugar off his mustache. He took a sip of coffee.

“How good I am won’t matter much,” he said. “It’s a combination of the who… the expectation… the price paid… the pre-event involvement. Now the expectation is so high, it’s good whether it’s good or not.”

I thought this was really profound. Maybe… because I had a similar thought a few days ago. And whenever I find people who echo my thoughts back to me, I tend to think they are profound. It must be some ego thing.

In any case, you might think I’m telling you to position and “pre-sell” your products or services. Or to sell them to the right “who.”

That would definitely be a valuable lesson.

But what really stuck out to me is what Dan said about pre-event involvement.

Adequate involvement can make your products or services good whether they are good or not. And here’s something extra you might not have thought of:

The same is true of your copy.

I have a little story to share with you that explains just what I mean.

It ties in very nicely to this Dan Kennedy snapshot. It touches on where I think marketing is going in the future. And it might be valuable to you if you create front-end funnels, or if you write emails to drive back-end sales.

So here’s the deal:

Sign up to my email newsletter.

When you get the confirmation email, hit reply and and let me know your sign. Yeah, you know, your horoscope. Libra, virgo, taurus.

I’ll use this information to customize this story so you get the biggest result out of it. And I’ll send it back to you in a personal email.

The only way I could make this more valuable to you is to charge you for it. But I think you will find this custom story good, even at this current low price of free. So get going — our team of crack astrologers is standing by.

The Dan Kennedy box from hell

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I opened the box. A look of disgust must have washed over my face because my dad’s wife, who was in the room, started laughing at me.

“Not happy with what you bought?” she asked.

Months earlier, I’d gone on eBay and ordered a big box of Dan Kennedy stuff. I finally got to opening the box this past weekend. My face dropped when I saw the reality of what I’d ordered.

Dozen of old newsletters. 30-40 CDs and DVDs. Brochures, binders, and booklets, totaling hundreds of thousands of words of content.

What was I thinking when I bought this? How many years would it take me to give this even a cursory run-through?

I closed up the box and moved it aside. I tried to ignore it as it sat in the corner for a day. Then I put it in the closet, so I don’t have to look at it any more.

Yesterday, I promised to tell you about marketer Sean D’Souza’s fringe view of marketing.

The mainstream view says marketing is made up of two equally important parts:

1. Traffic

2. Conversion

Sean says that leaves out a third, equally important piece:

1. Traffic

2. Conversion

3. Consumption

Sean likes using restaurant analogies. He explains:

Your business tends to be like a buffet. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re selling products, or services, or are a trainer. You’re going to want to run a buffet.

You’re going to want to dump all your information; all your skills; all your blah-blah Powerpoint slides on your customer at one go.

And like a buffet the customer is going to eat hungrily. Then go from hunger to greed.

From greed to indigestion.

Forty five burps later, your customer is now sick of your ‘buffet’.

“That’s nonsense,” I hear you say. “I see people all the time buying stuff they never use. It doesn’t stop them from buying more stuff they will never use.”

Maybe so. Like Sean likes to say, I’m not trying to prove anything to you. If you find this consumption idea works for you, use it. If it doesn’t work for you, no problem.

Personally, the way I look at it is:

I can’t make sure people will profit from what I sell. I can’t even make sure they will consume it.

But I can make pretty sure they won’t consume it. And my personal philosophy is to avoid selling in a way that causes my customers to reflexively bring up their hand to their mouth, because their stomach starts churning each time they think of the last time I sold them something.

That’s why I only provide one serving of marketing and copywriting nutrition each day. Light, tasty fare. Zero buffet. If you’d like to sample it, here’s where to go.

Announcing… an email training with a new name

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We all make mistakes. I made one yesterday.

That’s when I made an offer for a new training I called Invisible Email Manipulation.

But as I lay in bed last night, bed sheets pulled up to my eyeballs, staring at the ceiling in the dark, I realized…

It was the wrong name.

For one thing, Invisible Email Manipulation is a mouthful.

But more important, Invisible Email Manipulation doesn’t sum up what’s unique about these emails. Or the unique stuff this training will reveal.

Unique? Yes, unique. But not necessarily new. As somebody smart figured out approximately 25 centuries ago… there’s nothing necessarily new under the sun.

These emails I write are not sales copy. At least not in the way that sales copy looks when it goes to a cold, skeptical audience.

At the same time, these emails are not plain content either. Even when I don’t sell.

Instead, these emails are an alloy of DR ideas and content — along with a few of my own subtle ingredients. It’s a mixture that gets results that neither of sales copy nor content could get alone.

And as I realized last night, and as you might know already, there’s a name for this style of writing. The name comes from Dan Kennedy, who brought to light and identified so much in this industry.

Dan calls it “influential writing.” As distinct from “copywriting.” And that distinction informed my new name for this training:

Influential Emails.

The ultimate goal of Influential Emails is to get you writing influential emails for yourself… or your brand… or your clients.

Because if you do, good stuff happens. Such as the following:

1. You influence your prospects, and you get them to open up their minds to new ideas you want them to believe.

2. You create positioning and authority and even traffic by words alone. Even if you got no status to start… or no markers of expertise… or no bright feather boa to draw attention to yourself.

3. You sell stuff, while sidestepping the stubborn reactance more and more of us feel when we notice a smiling persuader reaching his hands into our personal space.

Maybe you don’t believe me influential emails can do all this. Or maybe you just don’t believe that Influential Emails can do all this for you.

I’ll try to change your mind in the coming days with a few more emails. The offer to join Influential Emails will be open until next Sunday.

In the meantime, you can find the sales page below. It’s still very minimal. Like the initial release of Google Chrome… it will magically upgrade itself to full functionality throughout the next week.

But if you want to check it out… or you want more details on what’s included in the offer behind Influential Emails… or if you’re even ready to sign up now… then try this link:

https://influentialemails.com/

Charging money for common human courtesy

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One day last week, I got an enthusiastic email from a guy in the UK.

He’d seen my presentation on what I call horror advertorials. He loved the idea. And he was trying to build something similar for the brand he’s working for.

Would I be willing to review what he had done and give pointers?

I wrote back to say I could do it as a consulting gig.

I got an email in response with a sad face emoji. “No worries – sure that may be interesting – how much would you charge?”

I wrote back with a price that would make it worth my while. More than the cost of a Starbucks Creme Frappuccino… but a drop in the bucket for anyone planning to run cold traffic to an advertorial and have it make money.

But I never heard back.

I don’t know why. It might have to do with the price I sent back. Or it might have nothing to do with it. But if that really turned this guy away, it got me wondering… what might he have been looking for really?

Perhaps a pat on the back. “Wow you really got this. Good job!”

Or perhaps a miracle band-aid. “If you add in the word ‘amazing’ in your headline here, it will increase conversions by 30%.”

But there’s one thing I doubt he would have wanted.

Serious critical feedback. Advice to throw out big chunks of stuff he had spent time and effort on. Advice to do significant extra work in order to have a real chance at success.

So here’s what I’m getting at. I say it for your benefit as much as my own.

In my history of offering free advice, I don’t remember the last time it turned into anything. Anything, that is, other than meetings, excuses, and requests for more free advice.

That’s why these days, I keep the following words from Dan Kennedy on a little slip of paper under my pillow while I sleep:

“Get paid. Do nothing free. Especially dispense advice. There is nothing more futile on Earth than giving anybody free advice. At best, they don’t appreciate it. At worst, they resent it.”

Maybe you don’t appreciate that either.

But maybe you get it. Maybe you just feel hesitant about making the transition… about putting your foot down and charging for things that seem to be common human courtesy… or worse, charging for things that everybody else seems to be giving away for free.

All I can tell you is, I’ve been there.

It’s taken me time and mental effort to make the transition myself. I have advice on how you might do it too. And when I do write it up one day — well, I bet you can guess. I’ll take my own advice. But if that don’t turn you away, and you want to know when I put this advice out, then here’s the first step to make sure you get it.

Don’t read this if you have a sensitive nose

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For the past month, I’ve been getting to the gym at the same time as a large, bald man who smells like an opened grave.

​I understand if you don’t want to read about this topic. But I think it’s important — perhaps the most important direct response topic of them all. So I have to press on.

My best guess at the origin of the stench is thousands of cigarettes smoked… mixed with a rich man-musk… topped off by what I assume must be layers of ordinary filth.

An orc. This is what an orc would smell like.

To make things worse, the orc likes to use different stations around the gym simultaneously. So he keeps moving around. Each time he passes by, I brace myself.

And yet, when the odor hits me, I’m still shocked, just like the very first time. I find myself looking around for support and recognition from the other gym-goers.

I see their pained faces and we exchange looks of quiet despair. We know each other well now. Like me, they keep getting to the gym at the same time as the orc, over and over and over.

And that’s why I say this topic is important. If you’re a direct marketer or a copywriter, this is the raw material you’re dealing with.

Because odds are, you feel no pity for me.

Instead, you probably have reasonable or even good suggestions for how I could improve my situation.

“Talk to the gym management and complain!”

“Go at a different time!”

“Hose down the orc!”

I hear you.

And I’ve thought about all those options.

But still, I find myself, along with a bunch of other regulars… at the gym, every other day, at the same time as the orc… hanging my head, defeated yet again.

Like I said, this is the raw material you’re dealing with. This is the nature of most people when it comes to most problems in life. Even when those problems smell awful. Even when they’re chronic.

That’s why you can’t count on offering a reasonable or even good suggestion for how people can solve their problems. Like Dan Kennedy says:

“It takes extreme measures to compel people to act contrary to the way they normally act. And the way they normally act is to do nothing, decide on nothing, buy nothing.”

John Carlton said you have to get your prospect so frantic with the urge to act now that he jumps up out of his armchair… sticks his hat on his head… rushes out into the dark night where it’s raining and the wind is blowing… just so he can be sure, right now, to mail the order form for the product you’re selling. Yeah, that’s not how the world works any more. Still, that’s what you should be aiming for.

But if neither John Carlton nor Dan Kennedy connects with you, then here is my contribution to the conversation.

The next time you’re writing sales copy and you’re counting on your solid argument and your fair offer to do your work for you… think of the orc. And think of me, at the gym, head in hands.

And then use whatever persuasive means you have to get me to move out of that cloud of funk… and to keep me out of there the next time. Do it, and I’ll thank you for it.

But what’s that? You’re not confident you could persuade me? You’re worried that the persuasive means at your disposal will leave you hungry, penniless, and possibly without a roof to keep the rain out?

Don’t worry. I have an email newsletter where I share a lot of useful persuasion and copywriting ideas. So jump out of your armchair, stick your hat on your head, and rush out over here.