Motivation

Goodfellas, Wolf of Wall Street, and a bucket (these aren’t movies)

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For just a moment, think back to your high school days. And imagine you get home one day from a long hard seven hours of being unpopular and ridiculous…

… ​​only to find your parents sitting on the couch, arms crossed, waiting for you.

Without a word, your father stands up, grabs you by the arm, and leads you to a spare room. He locks you in there — it’s for your own good, he says. There’s a bucket in there in case you really need to pee.

The next day, you’re allowed to go to school again. But when you get back home, the same thing happens. Room, lock, bucket. And this goes on for months.

So now the trick question:

How do you think you would feel about this?

Think about that for a moment.

And once you’re done thinking, let me suggest that the reality of how you would feel might be quite different from what you just imagined.

At least that’s what I learned in a fascinating talk by Rich Schefren, to whom this room-bucket story actually happened.

You might know of Rich already. I’ve mentioned him literally hundreds of times in this newsletter.

Rich is a super smart and successful marketer. He’s one of the people in this business I respect and admire the most.

All that respect and admiration came from listening to Rich talk about business, about marketing, about writing.

“Boy this guy is insightful,” I always think to myself, “and really nice to boot.”

But the fact is, all this time I knew nothing of Rich’s crazy life story, except that at one point he ran a downtown Manhattan clothing store and at another time a hypnosis center.

I didn’t know anything about Rich’s teenage association with the actual Goodfellas in New York… I didn’t know about that room with the bucket… I didn’t know he worked in a boiler room while Jordan Belfort aka the Wolf of Wall Street performed his famous “One-Call Close.”

I’m a copywriter and I’ve hyped up gurus before. Meaning that, I know all the usual elements of origin stories in the DR world — I was living in a van down by the river, my parents hung up on me when I called them for help, my wife left me and took everything but the cat.

And yet, even though I’m so jaded, Rich’s story actually made me say, “Holy calf, this is crazy.”

So Rich’s talk is worth watching just because his story is fascinating.

But then there’s the back end of the talk, where Rich ties it up with some life lessons.

Now in general, I’m allergic to life lesson porn.

But if there is anybody I would take life lessons from, it’s Rich Schefren.

And in fact, over the past week, I’ve gone back in my head over and over to the story of Rich in the room with the bucket, and the conclusion he drew from this experience.

In case you are curious, you can hear Rich talk all about it, and about many other interesting things, at the link below:

https://pages.strategicprofits.com/rich-diamond-day-c

Rejection stings, but this might help

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“You have to love yourself first. How else can you expect anyone else to love you?”

I knew a girl once who shared that bit of wisdom with me. I was young and naive and it sounded reasonable.

But then I lived a bit more. There were times when — not only did I not love myself — I didn’t remotely like myself.

And yet, other people loved me. My mom and my dad, of course. Friends. Girlfriends. They didn’t know or didn’t care whether I found myself unlovable — they loved me.

Message received, loud and clear. So I concluded the following:

When somebody loves you, it says much more about them than about you. It says they are able and ready to love. All we know about you (not you specifically, you know what I mean) is that you are an adequate target for their love.

Anyways, that’s a bit of personal philosophy I wanted to share with you. I’m not trying to depress you, by the way. Quite the opposite.

Because I believe it works the same the other way around. If somebody does not love you… well, it says more about them than it says about you.

But this newsletter is about marketing and copywriting. So let me tie it up:

I bring this up in case you’re hustling, in business for yourself, or trying to flush customers or clients out of their hiding places. If that’s you, then you know (or soon will) that rejection is part of the game. Leads dismiss you. Clients leave you. Clients ignore you.

And?​​

It doesn’t say much about you. Not as long as you’re at least adequate. And if you’re not, that’s usually easy to fix.
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I’ve been rejected thousands of times, personally and in business. It stings almost every time. But little logical reminders, like the one above, can help.

Can help what?

They can help you go out there and get rejected again. They can help you keep working. Which is how you find success eventually — and even self-acceptance, if you haven’t got it now.

Anyways, on to JV opportunities:

​​Over the past couple days, I have been making a call for people who might be a good fit for my “cash buyers’ list​​”.

I’ve had a healthy number of people respond so far. Which makes me think there might still be more people out there who could be a good fit for this offer.

S​o if you haven’t taken me up on this invitation yet, and you want to know more about it, read on here:

​https://bejakovic.com/an-email-business-worth-0-52-billion-yes-billion/​​

Bejako goes back to school for a push

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I went back to school today. For the first time in 10+ years, I sat in class, behind a desk. With a bunch of other little idiots next to me, I listened to a smiling teacher as he pointed to his chest and said, “Me llamo Rubén. ¿Cómo te llamas?”

This went on for the better part of four hours, from 9am until 1pm.

For four precious hours, we went through the elementary particles of the Spanish language, presented at a snail’s pace. For four hours, I practiced saying the same damn things a million times to various Italians, Germans, and Greeks who were in the class with me.

You might have your doubts that this is an effective way to learn a language.

I have reasons to believe it will be useful.

And in any case, I’ll only do it for this week. This time investment (and during my most productive hours!) is not sustainable for longer than that. But I figure it’s worth doing at the start to kick things off.

And this brings me to one of the most valuable ideas that has shaped how I have run my career.

For example, I got going as a freelance copywriter by charging $5 for a 7-part email sequence.

Do you think that’s a shockingly low rate? Do you think I allowed myself to be exploited?

Who cares. I did it for a week and then I increased my rates a bit. And then a week later, I increased my rates a bit more. And then a bit more still.

Point being, it’s easy to fix and improve things once you get them going. But in most cases, the getting going is the hard part.

This isn’t my idea or observation, by the way. This is something I was fortunate enough to read a long time ago in an essay by somebody very rich, very successful, and very smart. Here’s what he said:

A lot of would-be founders believe that startups either take off or don’t. You build something, make it available, and if you’ve made a better mousetrap, people beat a path to your door as promised. Or they don’t, in which case the market must not exist.

Actually startups take off because the founders make them take off. There may be a handful that just grew by themselves, but usually it takes some sort of push to get them going. A good metaphor would be the cranks that car engines had before they got electric starters. Once the engine was going, it would keep going, but there was a separate and laborious process to get it going.

The guy who wrote that is Paul Graham, a multimillionaire computer programmer who started the early-stage investing firm Y Combinator (Airbnb, Coinbase, Stripe).

Graham said that one of the most common pieces of advice they give Y Combinator is to Do Things That Don’t Scale.

Now at this point, I had a valuable caution to give my newsletter readers about Graham’s bit of advice. But I’m not including that on this public archived post. I often reserve the most valuable and important ideas for my newsletter readers. I have to reward them somehow. If you’d like to join them, and start getting my daily emails, you can sign up here.

An inspiring Aaron Winter recommendation

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If you are a bit of a word nerd, then I have something that might fascinate you:

The words free and friend are closely related, and both derive from an ancient root meaning love.

Maybe the path from love to friend seems straightforward.

But free? What’s love got to do with it?

Well, here’s the surprising explanation:

Apparently, the original meaning of free was “not a slave”. A free person was able engage in social relationships such as friendship and marriage. On the other hand, slavery was a condition in which all social bonds were cut off, and the only relation was being owned by the master.

Perhaps that sounds abstract. An example might help:

If a Roman legionnaire was captured in war, made into a slave, and then escaped and made it back home, he would have to go through laborious rituals to recreate his entire social network, including remarrying his wife. That’s because becoming a slave was equivalent to “social death” and the severing of all social ties.

That thing with the Roman wife and the free/friend etymology are two curious factoids I got from the book The Dawn of Everything.

This book takes a bunch of new anthropology and archeology research that has come out over the past few decades, and it turns upside-down what you might think of as well-established human history.

I’m telling you about all this because yesterday, I promised to tell you the most valuable thing I have gotten (so far) from the Dig.This.Zoom training.

Well, the recommendation to read The Dawn of Everything is it.

Partly, that’s because The Dawn of Everything is full of interesting tidbits like the free/friend etymology above.

But really, I found this book valuable because of how inspiring it is. Because through detailed argument and seemingly endless research, it makes the following point:

Human beings choose and shape the societies live in. There’s nothing inevitable about the way the world is, or about the way it’s going to develop.

Aaron Winter, the copywriter who is putting on the Dig.This.Zoom training, recommended this book to suggest that something similar holds on a smaller scale as well.

Aaron’s point was that you can choose and shape how you work, and with who you work. There’s nothing inevitable and you are not bound by industry norms, not if you don’t want to be.

Again, I found this inspiring. I always enjoy being reminded that we all have agency, and that we can choose and shape how our lives turn out, even though it might not be obvious in any given moment.

I’m not sure I’ve done enough to either motivate you or convince you with this email.

But perhaps you resonate on some level with the idea that today’s society is not the only possible one, and that very real paths exist to something better.

Or perhaps you are greedy for lots of interesting facts and arguments that will make you a more interesting person to your friends, acquaintances, or newsletter readers.

In either of these cases, you might get some value, or perhaps a lot, out of The Dawn of Everything. Here’s the link if you want to check it out:

https://bejakovic.com/dawn

Getting comfortable copybragging on Facebook

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Speaking on a podcast a while back, marketer and copywriter (though not freelance!) Chris Haddad had the following harsh truth to share:

“If I was a freelance copywriter, I would be posting on Facebook about copy all the time. And I would be posting all of my testimonials and all of my successes. Because that’s the gig. And if you can’t do it, you need to go out and do something else.”

Chris was saying how back in the day, what made him successful as a freelance copywriter is he was willing to go out and shout, “Hey I’m Chris Haddad and I’m fucking great.” But that kind of bragging causes a discomfort in his seat these days. It’s also one of the reasons Chris didn’t offer any copywriting training for the longest time.

What if you’re the same?

What if you have a fear of the spotlight, and you cannot imagine bragging about yourself on Facebook?

​​And what if, unlike Chris, you haven’t yet reached the levels of success that allow you to say, you know what, I’ll do something else instead?

Well, I think you’ve got several options. Such as creating your own product in a non-marketing niche… or writing a daily email newsletter in the hope of establishing your credibility without bragging… or taking a page out of Sasha Fierce’s book.

Yes, Sasha Fierce.

Maybe that rings a bell. Maybe no? It’s the alter ego that Beyonce created for herself in her early days. Here’s Beyonce:

“Usually when I hear the chords, when I put on my stilettos, like the moment right before when you’re nervous… then Sasha Fierce appears, and my posture and the way I speak and everything is different.”

Psychologists agree. By conducting experiments on children and the weak-willed, they have shown how inventing an alter-ego for yourself (or at least asking yourself, “What would Chris Haddad do?”) works wonders in changing your perspective, your resolve, and your behavior. ​​Search online for the “Batman Effect” if you want to know more about this.

But for now, maybe it’s time to start inventing a braggartly Facebook alterego for your copywriting business. It might not be what you like to hear. But as Chris says, that’s the gig.

Are you expecting me to finish this email by bragging myself?

No, I will save that for tomorrow’s email. I do have something to brag about, and it even involves Chris Haddad in a way. I’ll tell you about that tomorrow. Sign up to my email newsletter if you’d like to read that when it comes out.

​​​​For today, if you’d like to hear all of Chris’s tough love insights into what it takes to be a successful freelance copywriter, then brace yourself, and then take a listen here:​

The Email Player Haters’ Ball

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A few years ago, Ben Settle revealed that he now makes over a million dollars a year from his emails and info products.

Bob Bly has long said how his own, twice-a-week email newsletter, plus collection of $39 ebooks, earns him a healthy 6-figure income to complement his client work.

And last December, it leaked out that Daniel Throssell’s 2021 email income was “significantly higher” than $250k.

So where does that leave me?

I’ll tell you where.

It leaves me on the stage of the Email Player Haters’ Ball, receiving the award for best Email Player Hater. Like Dave Chappelle in his Playa Haters’ Ball skit, I’ll start off my acceptance speech by saying:

“First off, I’d like to thank God Almighty for giving everyone else so much… and me so little. [boos from the crowd] I hate you… I hate you… I don’t even know you, but I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else but you. [more boos]”

I won’t tell you exactly what I made over the past year from this newsletter. Let’s just say it’s equivalent to a modest salary. It’s certainly much lower than Daniel, Bob, or Ben make from their newsletters.

But in spite of my joke Email Player Hater status, I’m not stressing about my newsletter earnings.

In part, that’s because I tell myself that every blockheaded and self-defeating thing I do with this newsletter serves a deeper purpose. It allows me to stick with it for the long term.

But also, I don’t stress because of something I do instinctively, or rather something I don’t do:

​​I don’t compare myself to others, at least when it comes to business and money.

Over the past six days, I’ve been telling you about the six characteristics of a positive mental attitude. Today it’s time for the last one:

​Self-to-self comparisons.

The idea is that if you want a positive mental attitude… then don’t be a player hater or a player admirer.

​​Don’t look at all the people ahead of you on the great treadmill of life, and don’t stress how they are all the way up there… and you’re all the way back here.

Instead, simply compare where you are right now to where you were yesterday, yestermonth, and yesteryear.
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And that’s it. The end of my 6-part, positive-attitude, let-me-put-you-to-sleep series.

Maybe you feel that was a little abrupt. Maybe you’re even left feeling a little unsatisfied.

After all, self-to-self comparisons might be good. But isn’t there value in looking to others for inspiration?

And didn’t I even say in my email yesterday that it’s good to be inspired by a vision that’s tinted by envy and bitterness?

True.

And that’s not the only confusing and conflicted part of this positive attitude stuff.

The fact is, if keeping a positive mental attitude were easy and simple and direct, then everybody would be doing it, all the time. And everybody would be happy, healthy, and on their way to being successful, all the time.

Of course, that’s not what you see at your local Bed Bath & Beyond.

Having a positive attitude consistently, or at least when it matters, isn’t particularly natural to most people.

The good news is, being aware of what it takes is step one. That’s what you have now.

But it will still take some repetition, practice, and maybe even juggling for this to have any chance to sink into your subconscious. For it to be useful the next time you might be recovering from a bad injury… or learning how to play the tuba… or building out an email-based business.

To help you get that repetition and practice, you can always reread these emails. Or just sign up for my email newsletter, and let me do all the work for you.

How to humiliate competing marketers and join the elite circle of the world’s most respected copywriters

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Today, I want to share a few really good headlines with you:

How Does An Out-Of-Shape 55-Year-Old Golfer, Crippled By Arthritis And 71 Lbs. Overweight, Still Consistently Humiliate PGA Pros In Head-To-Head Matches By Hitting Every Tee Shot Further And Straighter Down The Fairway?

The Astonishing Sex Secrets Of the Most Satisfied… Most Knowledgeable… And Most Respected Lovers In The World!

“The Naked Girls All Laughed Behind The Little Pudgy Guy’s Back… Until He Got Into A Knife Fight With Three Enormous Bad-Ass Bikers…”

All three of these headlines were written by John Carlton. If you ask me, all three have something important in common beyond just being written by John.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For the past few days, I’ve been telling you about the six characteristics of a positive attitude.

You’re probably ready and eager to wrap up this sermonizing series. I know I am. Bear with me. There are just two more to go.

Today’s characteristic might sound mysterious, even misleading. But it’s very important, both for a positive attitude and for copywriting. ​​It’s simply this:

Positive attitude characteristic #5: Inner Motivation

Inner motivation? What exactly does that mean? From the book NLP, where I first came across these six characteristics:

“These were not ‘Hollywood’ movie or ‘new age’ images of a general desire to win, or be the best, or avoid making a fool of oneself. These athletes had personal, specific, and compelling visions of desirable goals or unpleasant consequences.”

Personal, specific, and compelling visions. Notice it doesn’t say that there’s anything particularly “healthy” about this inner motivation stuff.

And that’s what I think is going on in those winning John Carlton headlines above.

The visions John paints in the prospect’s mind are not about the actual, “healthy” benefit of the product. The satisfaction of playing better golf… or more enjoyable sex… or the practical value of self-defense.

Instead, the visions John paints are squarely about impressing or even humiliating others.

That kind of motivation works very well in sales copy…

And ugly as it might sound, it can also work in your personal life.

Meaning, if you want a more positive attitude, then create a clear and convincing picture in your mind. And if that picture happens to be tainted with current envy, shame, and bitterness… well, that’s okay.

​​It might even be optimal.

That’s not to say that you should always keep one eye on others as you try to achieve your goals.

But I’m getting ahead of myself for the second time today. In fact, I’m stepping onto the toes of tomorrow’s final email in this series.

So let me stop myself here. In case you want to read the last email in this series right as it comes out, then sign up for my daily email newsletter.

I was in Dan Ferrari’s coaching group, so read this email

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I have a good friend visiting me now. We met many years ago, in college, at the the “clothing-optional” LSD experiment known as the University of California at Santa Cruz.

A few days ago, my friend and I were discussing how UCSC has gained a lot of status since we graduated. That’s thanks to its location right next to Silicon Valley, and the huge amount of tech money that the school has been getting as a result.

This isn’t the only lucky and appreciating investment I’ve made in education.

Another school I went to has since relocated to a richer city. As a result, my diploma became more prestigious and valuable without me doing anything.

And of course, there’s the Dan Ferrari coaching group I was in a few years ago.

Starting in the summer of 2019, I was in Dan’s coaching group for a little over six months.

At the time, Dan was already a super successful copywriter, with a big string of controls for Agora Financial and for The Motley Fool.

But somehow, Dan’s fame has increased significantly since.

​​His name has become much more known in industry.

​​He even appeared as no. 1 in some arbitrary listing of the world’s best active DR copywriters.

​​And I’ve personally noticed people treat me with growing deference whenever I mention I was in Dan’s coaching group — they assume I must have learned some of Dan’s black magic.

So what explains Dan’s growth in status over the past few years?

Some part of it is just time and compounding — Dan has just stuck around and kept working and getting better. He’s also had new wins in the years since. I also have my own pet theory why Dan’s prestige has risen so high over past few years, but that’s another topic, for another time.

For today, I just want to share something that Dan once wrote in one of his once-every-79-years, Halley’s Comet emails:

“Your abilities as a marketer are only capped by how hungry you are to leave a mark.”

What I take from that is the value of high standards, both for ends and means.

​​In other words, if you want A-list skills, and maybe even the results that come with those skills, then it’s good to set high standards for what you find acceptable.

Over the past few days, I’ve been telling you about six different characteristics that make for a positive attitude. So far, I’ve covered 3. The fourth I want to tell you about is exactly this, high standards.

People who develop high standards — for example, athletes recovering from injury, refusing to accept anything but complete recovery, where they can compete and win again — are more positive about the journey, and are more likely to reach the destination than those who are willing to settle for 50%, 30%, or 10% of what’s possible.

Perhaps that makes immediate sense to you.

Or perhaps you feel a bit of resistance to this idea. Perhaps, like me, you think there is value in having modest standards, ones you are sure to achieve.

Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, then I can tell you we still have two more characteristics of positive mindset remaining. And both of those will be particularly relevant to you in case the idea of shooting for the moon sounds like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

In case you’re interested in reading that when I write it, you can sign up for my daily email newsletter here.

“I’ve made a huge mistake”

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A little over two months ago, I arrived to Barcelona, Spain, with the goal of finding an apartment to live in long term. I’ve written about that before.

What I haven’t written about was that the very first day of arriving to Barcelona, I decided I had made a huge mistake. About everything.

My Airbnb, where I was supposed to stay in for the two weeks of the apartment search, was depressing and uncomfortable.

In spite of the dozens of inquiries I had sent to real estate agents, I was getting practically no response.

The one viewing I had managed to schedule was canceled two hours before it was supposed to happen.

That first day, walking around the city. I looked at the thousands of unfamiliar faces walking past me, all speaking languages I didn’t understand. And I grew disgusted, both with the city and myself.

“Even if — and that’s a huge if — I somehow manage to find a decent place to live,” I said to myself, “what am I possibly going to do here? I don’t speak the language. I don’t know anybody. I have no conceivable reason to be here.”

Barcelona might be a beautiful place to visit, I decided. But as a town to live in? Absolutely not. At least for me.

I had no intention of staying and continuing my apartment search. So I bought a ticket to fly out of town for the very next day. Why linger?

​​At the same time, leaving felt like a defeat and a proof of failure. I felt awful in every way.

Over the past couple days, I’ve been telling you about the six characteristics of a positive attitude. Today it’s time for the third characteristic:

“Chunking-down goals”

My story above illustrates what happens when you don’t chunk down your goals. When you don’t focus on the next step of the journey you have to take, and instead allow yourself to get buried by the immensity of what’s ahead.

When I arrived to Barcelona, I thought about the unpleasant and complicated process of finding an apartment. But not only that.

​​I also thought about need to learn a new language… to create a new social circle… and maybe, even something bigger and more long-term than that.

That amount of stuff to do is overwhelming. Particularly when your inquiries are getting no response… when the place you are in is depressing or uncomfortable… and when and the doors of an opportunity shut before you have a chance to run through them.

So what to do?

In my case, I called some family, I talked to some friends. They pointed out the obvious. That I was keeping too much in my head. That I should focus on just one thing — finding an apartment — for the next two weeks. That I should keep everything else out of mind until that first step is done.

And that’s what I did. It was a success.

Like I’ve written before, I managed to find a beautiful apartment in spite of the unpromising odds.

Then I started working on the language issue. In time, I might even meet some people here. And until that happens, I’ve invited friends to visit and stay with me.

The bigger point I want to make is that all this positive attitude stuff might sound obvious or even trivial.

And it is — when things are going well.

But in the press of life, it’s easy to forget how to be positive, and to get into a different mental state. To get overwhelmed, dark, or even negative.

During those times, remembering these few “obvious” characteristics of a positive attitude can tell you where you went wrong. And more importantly, it can tell you what to do to get on a better track.

That’s why I’m telling you about this positive attitude stuff. So maybe you remember it in moments of crisis. So maybe I myself remember it when I make my next huge mistake.

Of course, you need all six characteristics for a positive attitude to be strong and stable.

​​I’ve told you three characteristics so far. I’ll wrap it up over the coming days. In case you want to read that as it comes out, sign up to my daily newsletter here.

A curious Hollywood fact before I get on my positivity pulpit

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I recently watched Steven Spielberg’s Jaws for the first time ever. And while reading a bit of background on the making of the film, I found out a curious Hollywood fact:

Steven Spielberg decided to skip the shooting of the final scene of Jaws.

The shooting of the entire film was long, difficult, and over-budget. Spielberg thought the crew was disgusted at his inexperience. He expected they would toss him in the water once the final scene’s shooting was complete.

So he just played hooky.

This apparently became a tradition. With all the movies Spielberg has made since, he has never been present for the shooting of the final scene.

And though it might not be obvious, there’s significance in that.

Yesterday, I started to tell you about the six characteristics of a positive attitude.

What I didn’t realize is that handing out unsolicited advice on how to be a better person is sure to sound moralizing or even dumb. Live laugh love, that kind of thing.

That’s why I told you the Spielberg factoid above. It’s interesting because it’s so unusual, particularly for Spielberg.

Spielberg got going with filmmaking as a kid. He shot films with his 8mm camera and his childhood friends as actors. In those days, he learned to do everything himself. Writing the scripts. Building the sets. Operating the camera.

Later, Spielberg got to Hollywood. He started working as a professional director. And he was dismayed that he had to rely on other people. That’s why his skipping the final scene is so significant.

And now let me clamber up on my positivity pulpit.
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You might think I’m about to tell you that it’s important to delegate work.

Quite the opposite. At least, when it comes to having a positive mental attitude.

Because the second characteristic of a positive attitude is personal involvement.

You don’t have to be like Steven Spielberg. You don’t have to sew the costumes and turn the klieg lights and feed the film into the camera, all by yourself.

But in order to feel hope or even certainty that you will succeed… and in order to have the drive to actually persevere when the shoot turns long, difficult, and over-budget… you need to be personally involved.

In other words, you have to stop waiting for others to others to achieve your goals or solve your problems for you. This is true even when there is an entire crew of professionals, ready to do the work for you.

For example, yesterday I mentioned the book NLP. It’s where I found these six characteristics of a positive mindset.

According to the book, the six characteristics were distilled from athletes recovering from injury.

Some athletes passively relied on doctors, nurses, and physical therapists. These athletes never achieved a positive attitude about their recovery. As a result, they often didn’t recover fully.

On the other hand, there were athletes who actively did their exercises. Who didn’t just lie there, waiting to be stretched and stimulated by doctors. Who took an active role in the design of their recovery program.

They developed a much more positive attitude. And their results tended to be much better.

So there you go. If you want to be more positive and more likely to achieve your goals, get personally involved.

Along with the other five characteristics in the NLP book. I wrote about one of those already. I’ll write about the other ones in coming days. If you want to read that as it comes out, you might like to get personally involved by signing up to my email newsletter here.