Offers

A simple habit for enjoying yourself at parties and inventing almost irresistible offers

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Today I want to tell you how to enjoy yourself at every party you go to from now on… and how to come up with offers that your market is 98% sure to love.

Let me set it up with a bit of drama:

A few days ago, a friend I have from my decade of living in Budapest, Hungary, forwarded me a screenshot of the following Instagram post.

The post was written by a Lainey Molnar, a Hungarian illustrator now living in the Netherlands.
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​Lainey became an Internet star recently because of her “women empowerment” illustrations.

As an Internet star, she was fielding some Internet questions recently. One question was why so many Hungarians choose to move away from the motherland and live abroad.

​​Lainey responded:

​Because the mentality is simply unbearable for anyone who aspires for a healthy psyche (and let’s not get stared on the political system, we already clocked in like 12 years with a Trump before Trump)

It’s a culture of mediocrity, always dragging everyone down. They’re jealous, petty, always blame everyone else for everything, They constantly gossip, meddle, and walk over others for gain. Brrrrr, I can’t stand being there for more than a few weeks.

So here’s what got through my skull:

If Hungarians really are as miserable of a people as Lainey makes them out to be — not true in my experience — then going by the tone of her two paragraphs above… she sounds like a perfect Hungarian, whether she lives in Amsterdam or Budapest.

And that’s my point for you today:

Whatever the apparent topic of conversation, people are almost always talking about themselves.

Once you realize this, you can have fun at every party, just by listening to others and asking yourself… what is this guy really saying? What is he revealing about himself that he doesn’t mean to?

And same thing with your customers and prospects.

Everything they say about you… your competition… the world at small and at large… is mostly about them.

And just by listening or, as Ben Settle likes to say, reading between the lines, you can get a lot of valuable intel. Intel you can use to inform your marketing and your offers… and give people what they truly want — even if they could never express it directly.

At this point in my emails, I usually like to take the core idea I am talking about and do a demonstration. But today, we can do the opposite.

If you like, you can probably read this very email, and find I am talking about myself. Maybe in ways that I didn’t even mean to expose, some perhaps quite negative.

So if you have some insights that you’ve gleaned about my personality through this email or other emails… and if you want to shock me with them, I am here, ready.

Just write me directly and fire away with your piercing observations. Do it for me. And do it because you will be starting a habit which will benefit you for years in your personal and business life.

Everything is free

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I know a lot of people in the marketing world worship at the altar of Seth Godin. I myself have had no contact with that religion, until today.

Today, I read an article that Seth wrote earlier this month, with a provocative title:

“Customer service is free”

Seth says that because of word-of-mouth and the value of loyal customers, you should stop looking at customer service as a cost.

That’s a point I’ve heard Ben Settle make before. Ben says that customer service is the #1 sales skill, which will allow you to charge higher prices… give you an advantage over your competitors… and allow you to make up for your shortcomings.

But here’s something that puzzled my mental squirrel:

Ben Settle has been making this point about customer service for years. It never made as much impact on me as the Seth Godin article. Because Seth’s presentation was more powerful.

Perhaps, and this is just a hypothesis based on my own experience today, the power of “FREE” is greater than the power of “profitable” for getting into people’s heads. Sure, once you open up a path into somebody’s brain with the ice pick of FREE, then you can bring in the “profitable” argument. But not before. And that’s what Seth Godin does — FREE in the headline, profitable in the very last sentence of his article.

But whether that’s a universal truth or not, one thing is universally true:

All your offers, whether ideas you are pitching or actual products you are selling, should be FREE. Of course, not free today. But FREE. Here’s what I mean:

The next time you are faced with a prospect who’s holding your offer in his hands, interested but still not sold, then apply the following free idea, and it will pay for itself immediately:

Put your arm around your prospects shoulders and point to the rainbow on the horizon. Then point back to that product of yours, there in your prospect’s lap. And then once again, point to the rainbow.

“Do you see now?” tell your prospect. “In 9 weeks, it will pay for itself. So really, it’s FREE. And after that, it will even start to make you money.”

Speaking of making money:

I have an email newsletter in which I share money-making ideas about marketing and copywriting. You can sign up to my newsletter today at a small up-front cost. But really, don’t think of it as a cost, think of it as an investment. One that will pay off before the end of the day.

My brush with death yesterday

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Yesterday, I was driving back from a seaside stroll. I was lost in thought as I sped down an empty two-lane road that cut through olive groves and patches of pine.

My shoes were sopping wet. During the stroll, I had decided to wade into the water (story for another time). So there in the car I was thinking… what would be the best way to dry them?

Suddenly, I snapped to attention.

There was a car up ahead, coming towards me. Something was off — a cloud of dirt from the side of the road had just exploded into the air next to the car.

I saw the right side of the oncoming car lift off the ground.

In the next moment, the rest of the car followed.

The entire car took off into the air, rolled over, and came crashing down on its roof on my side of the road, about 20 yards in front of me.

I pulled over and opened my eyes wide to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

Nope. Awake.

I got out and approached the smoking upside-down hulk.

Somebody started crawling out from the driver’s-side window. A young guy, maybe 20 years old.

“Are you alive?” I asked.

He stood up, then immediately doubled over and put his hands to his face. “I just don’t know what happened,” he said. He straightened up. There was a bit of blood by his temple but otherwise he seemed fine.

More cars started arriving and pulling over, up and down the road.

Pieces of the wreckage were lying all along the asphalt. The back of the car, which I guess was the first part to hit the ground, was completely detached.

Smoke was coming out from under the engine, or rather, above the engine, since the car was now upside down.

The guy crawled back in to get his phone. He crawled out and started calling somebody.

A couple of other dudes walked over. “You gotta be careful,” one of them said to the driver while inspecting the underside of the car. “These roads can be slippery.”

The line of pulled-over cars was growing. People were getting out and looking on from a distance.

One woman, along with her kids, started walking towards the wreck and yelling in a mild panic that somebody should call the fire department, because the car will soon set on fire. Still, she kept walking nearer and nearer, her kids in tow, drawn in by the crash.

At this point, I realized I’d done all I could here. As the first responder, I felt it was my duty to also be the first abandoner.

And so I got in my car, turned around, and headed back where I came from, wondering about the strange sight I just saw.

And only then, it hit me:

Had I been a second or two further up the road, this thing would have landed right on top of me.

I don’t know how resilient the roof is on my current ride (a 20-year-old Audi that I borrowed from my mom)… but I doubt it would stand a direct hit by a ton and a half of falling metal.

I don’t really have a good takeaway for you, because this story is still too fresh in my mind — I am writing to you from the past, about 40 minutes after the event.

All I can say for sure is that seat belts save lives. And also perhaps this:

Be careful what message you send to the universe. Because just the day before this happened, I wrote an email making fun of people who write emails based on what just happened to them earlier in the day. And well, here we are.

Last thing:

Since I’m still alive, I feel I should celebrate, and make you some special “I’m not crushed” offer.

But I’m a little unprepared. So let me do something I’ve never done before and I’m sure to never do again:

Free consulting.

My need to somehow give thanks is your opportunity. I’ve made 3 slots available over the next few days:

1. Tomorrow, Saturday Dec 11 at 7pm CET
2. Sunday, Dec 12 at 10am CET
3. Tuesday, Dec 14 at 2pm CET

Each slot is good for 20 mins, exactly.

During that time, you can ask me your most pressing questions about writing copy… freelancing… email marketing… advertorials… positioning… or really anything else copywriting or marketing or inner-game related.

I’ll tell you all I know and that fits into 20 minutes… without any hedges about “that’s reserved for paying customers only” or “wait for my upcoming product on that topic.”

Hell, you can even get me to do work for you, helping you with copy or sketching out new ideas. Whatever we can squeeze into 20 minutes.

So if you want to take me up on this opportunity, here’s what to do:

1. Write me an email and…

2. Tell me which one (yes, only one) of the above slots you want to take up and…

3. Tell me what you want to discuss, what questions you have, or why you want this consulting. Be specific and be brief — 5 sentences max.

I’ll go through the applications I get for each time slot in the order I get them. And for each slot, I will choose the first application that sounds like somebody I can help.

And if you’re wondering what my criteria are for that… here are a few questions/motivations that I am not likely to engage with for these consulting calls:

1. “I just found out about copywriting. I feel it could be good for me… but it also seems really tough. What do you think?” (It’s not so tough and it won’t be good for you.)

2. “What’s your number 1 copywriting book I should read? (I advise you to get rid of the “number 1” mindset.)

3. “What do you really think of Daniel Throssell’s Black Friday campaign? (Read my email tomorrow if you want to know that.)

Final caveat:

I’ll record these consulting calls. I have no plans for them at the moment. But they will be mine to do with as I please — to give away, to sell, to let languish on Google Drive.

If that doesn’t bother you, and you want to get my creativity, experience, and knowledge to work for you… then take a moment, think what you really want my help with, and then write me that email, following the steps I laid out above. And then, buckle in.

My need is your opportunity

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I was originally planning on taking the idea in this email and packaging it up as a paid product, maybe a short video course.

I could use the money. But the idea is still too rough to sell.

Perhaps with your help I can polish it. And then sell it, for a fair price, which reflects its true worth. And maybe we can even split the profits.

So here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. Parris Lampropoulos fundraiser. A few years ago, A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos was raising money for his cousin’s cancer treatment. Back then, I wrote an email about why I finally broke down and bought the webinar series that Parris was offering. And one part of what made me do it was this:

People rush to a fire sale because they feel they must be getting a steal. Because they think they are taking advantage of somebody else’s time of need.

I’m not proud of it, but I realize that, somewhere not very deep down, there was an element of this in my motivation to seize this opportunity.

2. The Robert Collier kicking story. Collier once wrote about how his colleagues at the publishing company spent time each day kicking holes in the boxes of books they were selling. Because lightly damaged sets of books, advertised as such and sold at a discount, sold more easily and made more money than sets in perfect condition.

3. The continuing problems with the Green Valley supply chain. Not long ago, I wrote about the overstock at the Green Valley warehouse. It’s the second time it happened in under a year. Both times, they had to run a sale to get rid of the extra bottles of pills. This twice-in-a-year overstock was either extremely unlucky or transparently false.

So that’s what I’ve got so far.

You can see the common thread. If you wanna sell something, it’s often very powerful to run a sale and give a reason for the sale.

And not just any reason.

But a reason that allows your prospects to think they are taking advantage of your need. Just don’t be transparent about it, or you lose credibility.

I think this is a super valuable idea at its core. Everything tells me it can move mountains of stuff, if it’s only used wisely.

But how exactly? That’s where I’m stuck. I don’t have any good examples of this strategy being used consciously and yet credibly in today’s market.

So you got any ideas for me? How to apply this today? How can I take this “fire sale” insight, and wrap it up as a little course I can sell?

If you do, get on my email newsletter so we can stay in touch. And then write me and let me know your ideas. If I ever end up putting this product out with your help, I won’t just give you a free copy. I want to show my gratitude. So I’ll also give you a royalty, a share of the earnings as well.

Last chance to send $1000, plus a free spot in my upcoming Write-Your-Advertorial workshop

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On April 30, 1961, Leonid Rogozov gave himself a jab of Novocaine. He struggled forward in his hospital bed and told one of his “assistants” to shift the mirror a little. He picked up the scalpel, and started cutting into his own side.

It took Rogozov about an hour or so. He had to take frequent breaks due to weakness and fainting spells.

But eventually, he managed to cut out his own inflamed appendix… sew himself up… and presumably, drink a bunch of vodka to celebrate.

Leonid Rogozov was the only doctor at the Soviet Antarctic station. He had to operate on himself, because nobody else at the station could. He survived, and a year later, when he got off Antarctica and his story became known, he became a national hero.

I’d like you to keep in mind this image of a doctor operating on himself… while I tell you about something I heard in Dan Kennedy’s Wealth Attraction Seminar.

“Don’t make decisions for other people,” says Dan.

The fact is, we are all full of what Dan calls secular religious beliefs. These are “facts” about our businesses we firmly believe without any proof. Things like, how much people in our market are willing to spend… what they are willing to buy… and how best to sell them.

Dan says those secular religious beliefs reflect more what’s going on internally in our (the marketers’) heads… rather than the true state of the market.

Dangerous stuff. You might even call it a poisonous inflammation. One that only you can surgically cut out from your own body, in a heroic operation, with the sharp scalpel of real-world testing.

And now that I’ve given myself a shot of Novocaine by sharing this valuable idea with you, let me get out my own scalpel and start cutting:

A few days ago, I got an email from the affiliate manager behind Steal Our Winners. She’s pushing people to promote the lifetime subscription to Steal Our Winners, because the price is going up.

“Nope,” I said. “I won’t do it.”

As you might know, I regularly promote Steal Our Winners. It’s Rich Schefren’s monthly video thing, where he interviews a bunch of successful marketers, and they each share one inside tip on what’s working for them right now.

I think it’s a great product. That’s why I’m happy to promote it each month.

Except, what I always promote is the $1, one-month trial of Steal Our Winners. I think it’s an easy sell, both because Steal Our Winners is a product I personally like… and because, come on, it’s $1.

But this lifetime subscription is not $1. It’s orders of $$$$ more. Plus it’s a lifetime subscription. It sounds so final, like marriage.

That’s why I said I wouldn’t promote this offer. And yet, here we are. So let me make a confession:

I myself have bought the lifetime subscription to Steal Our Winners.

For me, it was absolutely worth it, at the price I got it at. Not just because of the great monthly content… but because of the free bonuses you get, which you can’t get anywhere else.

Like Joe Schriefer’s Copyboarding Academy.

And the Agora Financial Media Buying Bootcamp.

And Rich Schefren’s Mystery Box. (What’s inside? You gotta open up and see.)

Plus about a dozen other bonuses… along with all the back issues of Steal Our Winners.

But if you have no interest in this offer, there’s no sense in me pushing it more on you.

And if you do have some interest, this post isn’t space enough to tell you all the many things you get in the lifetime subscription to Steal Our Winners… and why it might be worth grabbing before the price goes up.

For that, I recommend checking out the link at the end of this post.

Phew.

​​I guess I’ll manage to sew this up after all, after an hour of weakness and fainting spells. So here’s one final thing:

If you do decide to get the lifetime subscription to Steal Our Winners, forward me your confirmation email. Along with your mailing address.

As my own bonus, I’ll give you a free spot in my upcoming Write-Your-Advertorial Workshop. This workshop will happen later this year, and it will cost more than the lifetime Steal Our Winners subscription costs now. (More details about this workshop to follow.)

But what about the mailing address? Why do I want that?

Because I will also mail you a bottle of Belvedere vodka. That way we can celebrate this successful and heroic operation, together, somewhere in virtual space. Na zdorovye.

Operation complete. So here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/sow-lifetime

“A-list copywriter vaccine”

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A certain Dr. Frankenstein, who is a genetics professor at Stanford University, claims he has invented a “superhero vaccine.”

Dr. Frank took genetic material from an an Olympic athlete as the basis for his vaccine.

And what does the vaccine do?

“It gives you a body-wide genetic upgrade,” says Dr. Frankenstein. He claims that the jab will make heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer’s disease, and liver disease a nonissue in the vaccinated.

I don’t know about you, but a genetic upgrade sounds great to me. I’d love to have the muscles, stamina, and Alzheimer’s resistance of an anonymous Olympic athlete, all with just a one-time visit to Dr. Frank’s offices.

In fact, this superhero vaccine matches 3 of my 4 criteria for the ideal offer.

It’s irresistible and promises escape… it’s easy… and it’s urgent.

After all, old age and diseases are certainly coming. And I don’t want to be left behind as the only non-vaccinated, aging weakling in a population of vaccinated superheros.

Of course, there is one element of the ideal offer missing with Dr. Frank’s jab. And that’s perceived safety.

In fact, the reactions I’ve read so far are a rehash of Jeff Goldblum’s speech from Jurassic Park:

The lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here staggers me… Don’t you see the danger inherent in what you’re doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet’s ever seen but you wield it like a kid that’s found his dad’s gun.

It’s a reasonable attitude.

But who of us is gonna be that reasonable once a number of daring souls opt for the superhero vaccine… and report amazing results about overflowing energy, perfect memory, and more lustrous hair?

Perhaps you see where I’m going with this. So I won’t drag the point on.

Instead, let me remind you that my Copy Riddles program is open right now.

I think of it as an “A-list copywriter vaccine.” Because it gives you the irresistible promise of a brain-wide copywriting upgrade… through a quick and easy process… based on the winning sales bullets of A-list copywriters.

And there’s a certain matter of urgency. Because Copy Riddles is only open until this Sunday, July 4, at midnight PST.

“Uff, I don’t know,” you might say. “It sounds kind of risky.”

In that case, let me tell you that a small group of daring souls have already gone through Copy Riddles.

They all survived. And here’s what one of them, an Agora copywriter by the name of Vasilis Apostolou, has to report:

I’ve taken every popular course out there. I’m talking about the most popular courses from A-list copywriters. Obviously, I’ve read, listened and watched a lot about bullet writing.

But I can say with 100% confidence that John has put together the best course on bullets, bar none.

I learned a lot from the course that I use for all types of copy: From subject lines to hour-long interview style promos.

I wish I had John’s bullet course when I was starting out. It would have saved me tons of frustration… and shaved months off my learning curve.

In case you’d like to find out more about the A-list copywriter vaccine:

https://copyriddles.com/

You too can profit from mooches, singers, and bon bon eaters!

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“I’m always amazed that people seriously believe that they can make $1,000 a week stuffing envelopes. Evidently, greed and the ‘something for nothing’ ploy are too much for the bon bon eater to resist. What the mooch doesn’t know is stuffing envelopes is a sophisticated, highly mechanized operation that is run by legitimate businesses that specialize in mass mailings. The possibility of them using a bon bon eater is not only remote, it’s a joke. As a biz-opper, you look at bon bon eaters as a joke — a profitable joke.”
— Biz Op: How To Get Rich With “Business Opportunity” Frauds And Scams

Thanks to a reader named Lester, I found out about the book Biz Op, written by one Bruce Easley in 1994.

Biz Op claims to be an inside look at how Easley made a killing by cheating, lying, and scamming his customers, often in violation of state and federal laws.

“Yeah right,” I said.

“Why would anyone publicize that information if it were really real? Even if Easley wasn’t afraid of the legal consequences and the retribution of his burned “mooches”… why not turn his confession into a business opportunity itself, and sell people ‘The Lazy Way to Riches’ for $197… instead of selling a book about defrauding people, through a regular book publisher, for a few bucks apiece?”

I don’t know the answers to any of that. But I have no more doubts that Biz Op the book is legit.

There’s the fact that Easley was written up in the NY Times (“You too can be a successful criminal!”).

There are his appearances on daytime shock shows like Donahue.

But most of all, there’s the book itself.

It’s got insider jargon I’d never heard of. Like mooches (any sucker dumb enough to hand a bizopper his or her money)… bon bon eaters (stay-at-home moms who respond to envelope stuffing offers)… and singers (relatives you pay to pick up the phone and act as social proof for your biz op).

And then there’s all the familiar detail of the marketing approach and the copy. In a nutshell, Easley’s biz op offers were:

1. Irresistible (a promise of riches outside your normal grasp, and an opportunity to escape your current life)
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2. Easy (you don’t have to do anything… or the work will be trivial)

​3. Safe (there’s a money-back guarantee plus all these other people say it’s a great opportunity)

​4. Urgent (somebody else in your market is interested and we need to tell them by tonight if it’s them or you)

I saw a YouTube video recently of Magnus Carlsen, the current world chess champion.

Carlsen was shown different positions on a chess board. Each time, within a few pieces being put on the board, he recognized the position as part of some famous historical chess match. He even recognized the setup from the chess scene in the first Harry Potter movie.

My point is that there’s value in knowing the history of your field. That’s why I’m telling you about Biz Op the book.

Don’t scam people. But there’s value in studying mooches, singers, and bon bon eaters. Because Easley’s 4-part checklist above is the essence of what makes for a good direct response offer.

Make your own offer as close to that as you can… without lying, cheating, or breaking any laws… and you’ll have a real shot at profit.

At least that’s my theory. Which is why I organized my own offer as I did.

I’m talking about my Copy Riddles program. For the right person, it should be irresistible (“breakthrough copywriting skills in 8 weeks or less”)… easy (“just follow the instructions and do the exercises”)… and safe (“there’s a guarantee, plus all these other people say it’s great”).

And what about urgent?

Well, Copy Riddles is open until this Sunday, July 4, at midnight PST. After that, it won’t be available for months.

So if you want to find out about this exciting opportunity before it becomes unavailable…

https://copyriddles.com/

When sex doesn’t sell

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The cover of Gary Halbert’s Killer Orgasms! book has a photo of Gary’s topless girlfriend.

I took that photo, censored it with a thick black bar over the nipples, and put it into the sales letter to my bullets course, now called Copy Riddles.

There are a couple reasons for that:

One is that this book was instrumental to Copy Riddles coming into being.

Killer Orgasms! was the first place where I found the “source text” behind bullets, so I could see how A-list copywriters like Gary do the magic they do.

But that’s not the only reason I have the photo in there.

Because sex sells, right? If you associate sex with your offer, it makes people buy more?

Maybe… or maybe not.

It might actually backfire.

Like I wrote yesterday, our attitudes towards other people are mixed.

In a situation of fear and danger, we love nothing more than to be in the middle of the herd. There’s safety in numbers.

But in a situation of attraction and mating, we hope to seduce by being exceptional. We hope to be seen as the maverick, roving the hillsides alone. Others are just meddling competition in this case.

At least that’s what some scientists hypothesized back in 2009. So they ran some experiments. And they showed this common-sense logic to be true.

They found that, sure, sex can make your offer sell better… if your offer is about standing out.

But sex can hurt your sales if your offer involves a strong appeal to community and belonging.

Which was relevant to me.

Because I initially planned to sell Copy Riddles with a stronger appeal of support, community, etc. I wound up minimizing that, and amping up the exceptionalism talk:

“Discover how you can OWN bullets more quickly than you would ever believe… and set yourself apart from the masses of other marketers and copywriters.”

But who knows? Maybe all this jiggering won’t do anything.

Or maybe it will even hurt. After all, if a female reader sees this same topless photo and the surrounding “set yourself apart” copy, it might be a turnoff rather than motivating.

But whether I suffer or not, the underlying idea is worth keeping in mind:

Your prospects’ frame of mind influences whether they want to belong or to be unique. And perhaps, this can influence your sales.

We will see what it does in my case. Because as of today, I am reopening Copy Riddles.

The first round kicked off in March. I’ve had very positive feedback about it. I’ll write more about that over the next few days. (Signup will be open until this Sunday.)

In the meantime, if you’d like to check out the Copy Riddles sales page for yourself, here’s the link:

https://copyriddles.com/

“Huge Hack if YOU Sell 5k-250k products or programs”

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Two months ago, in a private Facebook group, I saw a post by a well-known real estate investing guru:

Huge Hack if YOU Sell 5k-250k products or programs.
We found a LEGIT funding company that will finance your customers.
VERY Easy qualifications:
620 credit score
40k in income
They will pay you 100% up front of what ever you charge, and the customers payments to them will be fractional to anything they pay you!
We have literally 3 folded our income with them overnight.

The guru was offering to make an introduction to the company, and he didn’t reveal their name. In fact, I still don’t know.

But just yesterday, I saw that Flippa (the online business marketplace) has partnered with a company called Yardline.

So now, if you’re looking to buy an online business through Flippa, assuming you can jump through a few hoops, then you can get 250k from Yardline to finance your purchase.

I’m not sure what kinds of terms Yardline offers.

​​All I can say is that if I were looking to buy a business, I’d look for investment partners directly, rather than going through a company like this.

On the other hand, if you do sell a high-ticket offer, and you target people for whom that much money is an issue, then Yardline and similar companies might be something to look into.

​​If I’m reading the Facebook post above correctly, it sounds like an easy way to grow your income without changing your offer, your marketing, or really anything else inside your company.

Plus I think this is jut a bit of curious industry news. Because a few days ago, I speculated whether the direct response industry is at a “Netflix moment.” In other words, if we’re at a kind of tipping point, where things go mainstream.

I don’t think the emergence of companies like Yardline is any kind of hard proof of this. But it is another data point for you to consider… when you think about which direction you want to take your own career or business.

And if you want more direct marketing industry news and predictions:

I write a daily email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

My shame-filled run at becoming a U.S. Park Ranger

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I used to be a real sucker for direct response offers. For example…

One day in high school, I was leafing through the classifieds in the local paper. And one ad made my eyes pop out:

“Get a job as a U.S. Park Ranger. Beautiful work, solid pay. Results guaranteed or your money back.”

For context: I hated high school. I had no ambition of going to college. And I didn’t like people.

“So you’re telling me I can get paid to commune with bears among the hush of the redwoods?” I squinted at the ad. “Hell yes!”

If I remember right, the cost to become a U.S. Park Ranger (as per the classified) was something like $60. That was money I didn’t have… but I begged, borrowed, and stole enough to get it. What did it matter? I could pay it all back with my first U.S. Park Ranger salary. It was guaranteed.

A few weeks later, my “Become a Park Ranger” kit arrived in the mail.

It consisted of a thick binder with study materials and instructions on how to apply for the 3x/year government test procedure that was the first step to becoming a park ranger.

Huh?

A thick binder? Studying for a test? On the off chance that maybe in a year, I could get paid to walk around Yosemite, away from the horrors of high school?

My heart sank. This is not what I had signed up for. And my beautiful $60… where did it go? I called up the company, and with a trembling voice, I asked if I could get a refund.

“Did you take the Park Ranger test already?” the other end asked.

“Uhh… no?”

“Well, that’s the condition for our refund guarantee. Take the test, and if you don’t pass, we will give you your money back.”

I think I buried my “Become a Park Ranger” kit in the back yard that night, so it didn’t remind me of my shame, failure, and lost money.

But who knows. Maybe I will still get $60 worth of story out of it. Because it’s a good illustration of an idea I recently got from marketer Rich Schefren:

“Your offer is not only ‘You pay me x and you get y.’ It’s also what your customer has to do with y to get the outcome.”

Maybe that sounds trivial. After all, the first thing you’re taught in copywriting school is that people don’t want a quarter-inch drill, they want a quarter-inch hole in the head. And nobody wakes up at 3am, sweating because they don’t have enough newsletter subscriptions, right?

Well, it might be basic. But how many of us actually abide by these rules when we create offers?

Of course, one way to use this is simply to promise the redwoods and the bears, and to make no mention of thick binders and exam procedures.

​​Trouble is, you need a real sucker to fall for that. And even then, it’s hard to build a repeat business.

So that leaves you with the other option. Which is to actually reduce as much as possible the time and effort that your customer has to invest, post-purchase, to actually get the result he is after.

​Not only will this make for an easier sell… not only will it produce satisfied customers who come back for more, over and over… but it also means folks will pay much more, right up front. Even if they have to beg, borrow, and steal to do it.

Anyways, here’s my offer to you:

Do you want to become a better marketer or copywriter? Tough, isn’t it?

Well, if you sign up to get my email newsletter, I take all the weight off your shoulders. I do the research about the best ideas… I find the entertaining and appealing stories that make these ideas slip easily into your brain… and I package it all up and send it to you every day.

Best part?

You don’t even have to read anything! Just open up my emails when they arrive and stare at your screen for a few seconds. Your marketing and copywriting IQ will increase automatically. Results are guaranteed. To sign up, please send me $60 in cash and then follow the instructions given here.