Copywriting

Woo-woo client attraction advice

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A couple days ago, a reader named Daniyal wrote:

“Please talk about looking for clients and becoming better at marketing your own self as well.”

I shared a good resource for marketing your own self in my email from two days ago.

And as for finding clients… I might be the worst person to ask about that.

I never had a good system for getting clients once I got off the freelancing platforms. What’s more, I never cared much.

Because I have zero debts in my life…. I have zero dependents tugging on my shirtsleeves and asking for an allowance… plus I can survive for a long time without food.

In other words, even when I had zero clients, and no money coming in, I didn’t panic and I didn’t change much about what I was doing.

With that preamble, there is one thing I can recommend for getting clients. But let me warn you. It’s rather woo-woo, at least the way I look at it.

Let me set it up:

A few days ago, I wrote to Chris Thompson. Chris is the CEO of Mike Mandel Hypnosis. If you don’t know them, you might want to. They put out tons of interesting stuff that can be relevant for marketers and copywriters.

I’ve been following Mike and Chris for a few years. But recently, I realized their email game is weak. So I wrote to Chris to ask if they want my help with emails. And as I was getting ready to click “Send,” I froze and thought:

“What the hell am I doing? What will I do if they say yes?”

Because I’ve got all the client work I want as far as my 20/20 eyes can see. Besides, I have this newsletter and the books and future mystery projects I am working on for you.

But still I sent the email to Chris.

And that’s my client-attraction advice.

Be respectful of your opportunities. Because the more opportunities you take, the more you get.

And vice versa. The fewer you take — whether because you’re booked up, tired, or simply unmotivated — the fewer opportunities you will get in the future.

This doesn’t mean you have to accept all the work that’s offered to you. It doesn’t mean working 36 hours a day… or working for wages you find unacceptable… or working on projects you find repulsive.

But the way I see it, there is some secret spider web, which connects clients. Once you start jumping up and down on one corner of that web, no matter how remote, it gets the attention of the other spiders, I mean clients, in other places. And if you keep jumping up and down, they will seek you out. Sooner or later.

(By the way, if you’re a guy, something similar happens with women in your life. At least in my experience.)

I told you it’s woo-woo. And maybe woo-woo is not your thing. In that case, perhaps you could use a more materialistic interpretation of what I’m saying:

The fact is, you never know. Opportunities that don’t seem promising for whatever reason might turn out to be so.

Or they might lead to other opportunities indirectly… which wouldn’t happen without you putting in that initial interest and effort.

Or perhaps… each interaction with clients in your market, even if it goes absolutely nowhere… gives you an extra bit of confidence and preparation for when a new opportunity comes along.

My point is to take all the stuff you are dismissing now for whatever reason — because it looks unpromising… or beneath you… or because you’re simply too busy at the moment — and treat it with respect and attention and care.

Do this consistently, for a few weeks or (in my case) a few years. And whether you believe in woo-woo stuff or not, I bet you will be surprised and pleased at the result.

Here’s something that won’t please you:

I have an email newsletter. If you cannot stand reading daily emails, particularly about marketing and copywriting, stay away. Otherwise… well, there might be hope for you. Click here to sign up.

Fascist copywriting philosophy

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“The University of Chicago Writing Program is not real popular in the world of writing programs. And you can see why. A lot of people think we’re fascists. I don’t dispute it.”

Thanks to a reader named Lester, I got turned on to a YouTube video by Larry McEnerney. McEnerney heads the University of Chicago’s Writing Program. In the YouTube video, he persuades you to follow his fascist writing philosophy. In a nutshell:

“We say, identify the people with power in your community… and give them what they want.”

If you’re a marketer or copywriter, you might say, “Come on… I knew that already. Just swap out ‘people with power’ and put in ‘people with money.'”

Sure, you might know it. But do you really, really get it? And do you practice it?

For example, a few days ago I sent out an email about wizard positioning. I concluded that email by saying:

“Give your clients clear guidance. Take away their doubts before they even have them. Resist your urge to explain yourself.”

It seems nobody had any issue with the first two parts of that advice. But quite a few people took issue with the last piece.

“Not explain myself! But the world needs to know!”

To which I can tell you something from McEnerney’s video:

“You participate in the world, not by sharing your feelings or your thoughts… but by changing other people’s thoughts.”

Again, this might be obvious if you are a copywriter. But if it’s not obvious, or there’s some part of you that keeps nagging you to explain and express yourself, then it might be helpful to watch this video.

Not only because it gives you practical advice on how to write better so you persuade more people…

But also because it might give you some insight about where this urge to explain yourself comes from. Here’s a hint: it ain’t coming from inside you. Not originally. If you’d like to find out the truth, and maybe even profit from it, here’s the video:

I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it—

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I used to watch a lot of Saturday Night Live back in the 1990s. There was an ongoing skit with Phil Hartman playing Stuart Smalley, ​a sappy man with a lisp and a non-Duchenne smile.

Stuart is working on improving his self-image. So in each skit, he looks at himself in the mirror, smiles his fake smile, and repeats:

“I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it, people like me.”

This was funny in the 90s. I guess this affirmation stuff was in the water back then.

It might be less funny today because today’s water contains a lower ppm of affirmations. In part, that’s due to party-pooping scientists like Joanne Wood from the University of Waterloo.

​​Back in 2009, Prof. Wood took a bunch of undergrads and had them repeat affirmations.

“I’m good enough… I’m smart enough… and doggone it, people like me.”

This had a positive effect — on people who were already pretty happy with themselves.

​​But with people who had low self-esteem to start with, it had negative effect. It made them conclude the opposite and feel worse.

“I’m defective somehow… I’m too stupid… and doggone it, nobody likes me.”

My point for you is to be careful if you are a naturally gung-ho marketer, making empowering claims at your prospects.

“You’re amazing! You can do it! It’s not your fault you failed until now!”

If you resort to claims like this, you might have the intended effect on the people in your market who were born yesterday… and who haven’t yet learned to doubt themselves.

For the rest of ’em, the ones who have become disillusioned with both the offers in your market and with themselves, you’ll need another approach. You’ll need to raise your prospects’ self-esteem so they believe they are unique… smart enough… and competent enough to succeed.

How can you do this?

​​Well, I’ll write more about that down the line (you can get it in my newsletter if you like). For now, let me reveal the obvious secret that self-esteem rises not because you say so… but indirectly, because you make people feel it inside them, without any affirmations.

G is for Gavin mauled by a wild cat

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Once upon a time, there lived a human being named Gavin.

One day, Gavin was walking through the jungle. Suddenly he froze. His eyes got wide. His mouth hung open. Blood drained out of his face.

What was that in the bushes ahead? It looked like a tiger’s shifting green eyes.

But a moment later, Gavin relaxed. He realized what he was seeing. It was just berries, hanging from a branch.

A bit later, it happened again. Gavin stopped mid-step. He thought he saw tiger eyes in the shadows. But his own eyes and his brain were better adapted this time. It was more fruit. He chuckled at himself and kept walking.

And a few moments later, it happened yet again. Gavin thought he saw a tiger’s eyes in the bushes. But this time he just shook his head and didn’t even slow down. He walked right up to the bush where the tiger was hiding. Gavin died, age 13, victim of a tiger mauling, never having sired any children.

Today, I want to give you a design and branding and maybe copywriting tip.

It’s based on idea I got from cognitive scientist Donald Hoffman. Hoffman says our brains and eyes quickly get used to most stimuli. That’s why I often stand for ages in front of the fridge, trying to find the olive jar I know must be in there… which turns out to be right on the shelf in front of me, in full view.

This is a feature, not a bug. It makes no sense to keep noticing familiar things. Except…

There are some things we never get habituated to.

One of these is animals. Or even animal bits are enough.

An eye. A tail. A tooth.

Hoffman says our brains never get fully habituated to these stimuli. Well, in general that’s true. There were people like Gavin whose eyes and brains did get habituated to seeing animal bits… and we never heard from these people again.

So that’s the design and branding tip Hoffman gives.

If you want to design packaging or create a logo for your brand, find a subtle way to trick the eye. Make it think it might be seeing an animal hiding on the shelf or inside the computer screen.

However many times people see your design or you logo, they will notice it, yet again.

Because animals are hard-wired into our biology. And so are people. Which is my copywriting tip for you for today.

If you have something important — but abstract — to teach people, make sure you wrap it up in a person. For example, here’s how Edward Gorey helped kids learn their ABCs — and how you can too:

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs
B is for Basil assaulted by bears
C is for Clara who wasted away
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech
…

Want more marketing ABCs, wrapped up in a person-sandwich? Then hold back your habituation to being pitched, and follow my lead here.

Husbands are like fires

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Today I want to tell you how to keep people reading your stuff—

Even if they know better… even if they think they get no value from what you are saying… and even if they can’t explain to themselves why they keep tuning in to your self-serving, borderline obnoxious sales talk.

It’s a very simple trick.

But used subtly, without trying too hard, it’s very powerful.

In fact, it’s so powerful it can get people actually hooked on you. Let me illustrate what I mean, with this quote from sex bomb Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was married nine times, and who should know:

“Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.”

So the copywriting trick I have in mind is to surprise people. You can do it like Zsa Zsa with a bit of humor and misdirection. You can do it with an unusual phrase of turn. Or you might even be able to do it with a well-chosen fact. Such as the following:

Nothing kills surprise as quickly as going back to the same well, day after day.

So whatever you do to light up your reader’s brain and fill it with dopamine… don’t let your technique become predictable, and don’t let it become a crutch.

But let me take my own advice. Because this surprise stuff is another great idea I’ve learned from Ben Settle.

In the early days, Ben kept me reading his emails, in spite of my better instincts. He kept me reading, not just through shock in the subject line. Not just through challenging industry norms. But through tiny surprises he hid away and mixed into his copy.

But since this is #3 in my recent list of Ben Settle ideas that I want to remind myself and you of… I’m getting dangerously close to being predictable.

So I’ll wrap up this mini-series tomorrow. And I’ll tell you the most valuable and perhaps easiest-to-implement lesson from Ben Settle I’ve learned to date. If you want to read that when it comes out, sign up for my email newsletter here.

Superficial copywriting formulas vs. the meta level of writing copy

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I promise to pay off today’s headline long before the end of this post. But just for a second, humor me and imagine you’re high up in the mountains, far away from civilization.

The sun is starting to set behind the mountain peaks, and shadows are getting long. Cold air is streaming in from the pine forest that surrounds your camp. And maybe, just maybe, you think you heard a wolf howling in the distance.

“Time to build a fire,” you say with a little quickening of your step.

Luckily, there is plenty of kindling from the pine trees around you. All you need is a spark to get the fire going.

So you find a nice piece of flint. It’s about the size of a remote control and fits into your hand just as nicely.

Now in case you’re wondering what I’m on about, let me start paying off the headline. It’s related to a question I got a few days ago from Daniyal, who’s going through my Copy Riddles program. Daniyal wrote:

Can you talk about the meta level of bullet writing or copywriting in general?

Cause I realized that I was focusing more on the type of bullet I’m writing in the superficial sense like How to or a question or some other sort…

But going through the lesson I realized that you’re teaching us to focus more on the deeper level as in the promise bullet or the warning bullet.

It’s a good question. And my best answer to it is the above analogy of the piece of flint.

You take your piece of flint back to your camp. You gather your kindling. You kneel down, and you look at the flint in your hand. You turn it around and see many different faces and facets to it. Some dull… some shiny… some covered with a bit of dust and dirt.

You pick a facet that looks promising. And you strike it against another rock. Once, twice, three times.

But no fire. You just can’t get a spark to fly with that side of the flint.

So you look at your flint again. You bring it closer to your face. You move it further away. And you find another promising facet. Strike again.

But still no spark.

You try yet again. A third facet. It didn’t look great at first. But after you rub off some of the dirt and dust from it, you realize it might be the one. You strike it against another rock and —

Spark. Fire. Warmth and light.

And the wolves, which were gathering around your camp and starting to lick their chops… they grumblingly put away their forks and knives… and they start discussing where else to go for dinner tonight.

I guess you see what I’m saying.

Whether you’re writing bullets or any other copy, then your copywriting tricks… your “How to” formulas and “What never” templates… your power words like “secret” and “amazing” and “trick”… these are just the polishing and the rubbing and repeated striking of your flint.

It’s critical. But it’s never enough on its own.

So if you’re not getting a spark to fly, then turn your research and your source materials — your flint — around in your hand. Look at it from up close. From far away. And pick another facet to try.

Because if you don’t… well, then the hungry wolves of failure and indifference will soon sniff you out. And they’ll say, “You know what? That guy looks pretty stubborn. I have a good feeling about him. Let’s go there for dinner tonight.”

Maybe that won’t help you. Maybe it will.

But if you want some more meta-level ideas on writing copy… as well as occasional copywriting tips and tricks to help light that spark… then head over here to safety before it gets dark and the wolves come out.

Real #1 proof for 2021 and beyond

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“We write you because, with all you have heard and read ABOUT O. Henry’s stories, you have never yet SEEN them. You have never yet had the privilege we now offer you of ACTUALLY handling volumes — reading in your home some of these wonderful tales — proving to your own satisfaction the marvelous insight of the man, the depth of his understanding and sympathy.”

— Robert Collier, from a 1919 direct mail campaign that sold $1 million worth of O. Henry books

Demonstration is supposed to be the strongest form of proof. And I believe it, because Gary Bencivenga and Claude Hopkins say so.

That’s why demonstration is what I resort to most often in these emails. I don’t just tell you ABOUT a cool persuasion technique. I allow you to ACTUALLY SEE it.

But what if?

What if demonstration is not really tops?

Remember when Beats headphones came out? Headphone snobs were quick to point out that Beats headphones were mediocre in terms of sound quality. Even non-snobs could probably tell Beats headphones were nothing special. And yet Beats soon became one of the biggest headphone brands in the world, and sold for $3.2 billion to Apple a few years later.

Or remember the story of Coke vs. Pepsi? How Pepsi was winning the blind taste tests? And how Coke decided to change their formula… which led to a popular backlash… and a return from the ashes of “the real thing” — Coke — and not Pepsi, which tasted better?

Who knows. Maybe things were different in the time of Robert Collier. Maybe people really trusted their own opinions and experiences. And maybe getting people to try was the best way to to get them to buy. Maybe.

Whatever the case was back then, it’s not how it is today. Today it’s too hard to choose, and we no longer trust our own opinions all that deeply.

You probably see what I’m getting at. And you probably see what I believe is the real #1 type of proof, in 2021 and beyond.

Which brings me to a book I’d like to recommend on that topic. Two people I respect — one a successful marketer and business owner, and the other a copywriter at Agora — recently recommended it to me.

That’s why, even though I haven’t read this book yet, and maybe never will, I’m sure I’d like it. And that’s why I’d like to recommend it to you as well, and why I’m sure you’ll like it too. So here’s the deal:

If you’d like to know the title of this book, sign up to my email newsletter. (A bunch of direct response legends and young stars already do subscribe to it.) And then send me an email to introduce yourself. I’ll write back to you, and tell you the title of this valuable and wonderful book.

Horror advertorial workshop — are you a good fit?

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I used to be one of those people.
​
Shaking my head and saying, ‘My child wouldn’t dare.’

​It worked for my first daughter. Then my son came along.

​​That’s the beginning of what I call a horror advertorial. This particular horror advertorial is one I wrote a few months ago for a kids supplement company called First Day. It helped them 6x their ad spend, and go from $2k a day to $12k a day.

Today, I’ve got an offer I’d like to run by you.

It might be relevant if 1) you are a copywriter (in-house or freelancer) working with an ecommerce business or 2) if you are a marketing honcho at such a business, and you’ve got a copywriter you work with regularly.

I’ve recently gotten a lot of interest from people who want me to write a horror advertorial for them. Maybe it had something to do with my publicly claiming that these advertorials are the future of front-end funnels for ecommerce businesses.

The trouble is, I’ve got all the client work I can handle for what I can see of the future.

So I had the idea to hold a “Write Your Horror Advertorial” workshop. If you (or your copywriter) are a good fit for this, the offer should be a no-brainer:

1. You get the step-by-step process — the big picture and all the tiny details — I use to research and write up horror advertorials…

2. You get my over-your-shoulder guidance and feedback as you (or your copywriter) put this process in practice, from start to finish…

3. As a result of all this big-picturing and back-feeding, you have a polished horror advertorial by the end, ready to be put in production…

4. And it’s all at a significantly lower price than I would charge to write a horror advertorial myself, if I were still offering that service.

In other words, the offer is something like giving you a fish… and also teaching you to fish… and putting myself out of the lucrative fishing business. It might not be very smart on my end, but you can profit from my lack of foresight.

Most of the details of the “Write Your Horror Advertorial” workshop are still flexible. But the workshop will probably happen in mid-October, and it will span 4-6 training calls spread out over 10-14 days.

I’ll hold the workshop if I can get at least 5 copywriters/businesses to join… and I’ll limit the workshop to at most 10 copywriters/businesses.

At fewest 5, because I want to make it worthwhile for myself.

At most 10, because I want to make it worthwhile for you. Because the point is not just to show you how to write one of these horror advertorials… but to actually guide you as you write a production-ready piece of copy. That will take personal involvement from me, and that’s why I’ll limit the workshop to 10 people at most.

So the odds are, you are not a good fit for this offer. I admire you for reading this far.

But on the odd chance that you are a good fit, write me an email and let me know.

Also let me know who you are (copywriter, marketer, …) and what you’re selling (or what you’re thinking of promoting).

​​I want to make sure it really is a good fit. If it’s not, I’ll tell you so. Because if you join this workshop, I want you to have a healthy chance to reap big returns from a little investment into your advertorial copy.

And because I’m a direct response copywriter, let me give you a real reason to act now:

As this post goes out, I’m reaching out to about 10 contacts at businesses who might be interested in this offer. I’m not sure if any of them will be interested. But there is some possibility that the workshop will fill up, and quick.

So if you are interested, the sooner you write me… the better the chance that we can scare up some new front-end profits for you.

The Godlike “Golem Game”

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Legend says that during WWII, Nazi soldiers broke into the Old New Synagogue in Prague. The soldiers made it all the way up to the attic, where they were torn apart, limb by limb.

Silly Nazis. You don’t go into the attic of the Old New Synagogue. That’s where the remains of the Golem lie.

An even older legend explains:

Back in some ancient time, the leading rabbi of Prague created a living Golem. (Golem apparently means something like embryo or shapeless mass in Hebrew.)

The rabbi took a bunch of clay. He sculpted it so it looked like a big lump with a head and arms and legs. And he gave it life, by inserting a shem – a slip of paper with the name of God written on it — into the Golem’s mouth. The Golem sprang up and started lumbering around, doing the rabbi’s work.

Would you like to have that power? To take something big, vague, and as useless as a lump of clay… and turn it into a powerful and living thing which does your work for you?

You can do it, if you play what I call the “Golem Game.” I was reminded of it by Glenn Osborn a few weeks ago.

I’d written an email for this very newsletter with an offer of a free resource with a bunch of great old ads. To which Glenn wrote in to say:

Your response was HORRIBLE
On your “Old ad offer”
Because you did not NAME the collection of ads.

Fact is, my response wasn’t really horrible. A bunch of people wrote in to find out what the free resource was. But Glenn’s point stands. I would have done better, and probably much better, with a good name to call that bunch of ads.

And so I suggest to you the Golem Game. It goes like this:

You invent a name. To give your market a handle on a vague problem… symptom… enemy… mechanism… or opportunity they can’t fully grasp right now.

Then you take your name, you write it on a slip of paper, and you stick it in the mouth of that vague and useless lump. And you watch whether the name makes the useless lump come to life. If it does, your named and live Golem will do your work for you… carrying your prospects to the sales page and grunting “YOU BUY NOW!”

But if you didn’t write the right name on that slip of paper, well, then you try again.

After all, the Golem Game is a game, and the outcome of any individual round is uncertain.

If you don’t like those odds, then sit tight. I’ll write more about winning names in the future.

Meanwhile, I can point you to another free resource. It’s called Great Product Names for Dummies. I wrote it a few months ago. I’m a little ashamed of it because it gives away too much how-to advice. But who knows, maybe that’s exactly why you’ll like it. So if you feel like bringing things to life, here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/great-product-names-for-dummies/

Top Gun and the future of marketing

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“You know what one of the greatest scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.”

There’s a 90s movie called Sleep With Me. I know just a single scene of it, but I know that scene well.

The scene shows a party where Quentin Tarantino (real-life Quentin Tarantino) is talking to some other guy. They are discussing Top Gun — my favorite movie of all time – and they give a new interpretation of it.

“The whole idea is subversion,” Quentin says. “You want subversion on a massive level.” That’s why Top Gun is so great.

“What is Top Gun?” Quentin asks. “You think it’s a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.” He shakes his head.

“It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality.”

The other guy in the scene chuckles. He thinks it’s a joke.

But no. Quentin hits him with the proof…

… which won’t mean much to you if you’ve never seen Top Gun. If you’ve been deprived like that, you might want to take a 100-minute break right now to watch it (highly recommended) so the rest of this email makes sense.

You’re back already? Good to have you. So here’s what Quentin says about Top Gun:

Maverick is right on the edge.

On the one side, Iceman and his crew represent the “gay way.”

On the other side, Kelly McGillis represents heterosexuality.

But Maverick won’t have sex with Kelly. Halfway through their first date, he rides off on his motorcycle, leaving her frustrated.

So in the next scene, she dresses like a man — in a fighter pilot jacket and baseball cap — to pull Maverick back through subterfuge.

But it doesn’t work, not long term. By the end, Maverick joins Iceman and all the other fighter jocks.

They are fighting the MiGs. “They are this gay fighting force,” says Quentin. And then the movie ends with the climactic exchange between Maverick and Iceman, which Quentin caricatures only slightly:

Iceman: You can ride my tail any time.

Maverick: You can ride mine.

Do I hear you groaning? Maybe you think this whole scene is just tasteless 90s humor. Maybe you’re right. But get this:

I first heard about this scene some 20 years ago. It gave me a kind of thrill, and completely changed the way I see Top Gun. That’s why I often share this scene with other people. And many of them get a kick out of it too, and they remember it and they pass it on also.

So you think there’s something there?

I think so. At least that’s my takeaway for you — a check you can cash:

You might have heard that stories are powerful in marketing. And it’s true.

But like I’ve written recently, people might consume your story-based marketing… and still not want to buy your stuff. It takes a lot more than just fancy storytelling.

Because after your story, your prospect might feel like you tricked him into your pitch…

Or maybe he made up his mind long ago he won’t respond to any advertising, not even if it’s subtle…

Or he might have this stubborn belief, that even though your story tells him differently, your product can’t help him, not really, not him.

So I’d like to suggest that the future of marketing is going to be something like that Quentin Tarantino scene above.

Maybe you’re curious about the details of what I have in mind.

That’s classified. I could tell you… but then I’d have to kill you.

But it might be something I share in my top-secret newsletter. And soon. If you’d like to sign up for that, click here and fill out the form.