Waiting list hell

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Last May, I started a waiting list for a group coaching offer I was planning to run.

I promoted the waiting list with a few weeks’ worth of emails.

I hoped to use the waiting list to effortlessly fill 5 spots in the planned group coaching program.

But when I opened up the cart, a grand jumbo total of two people signed up.

I ended up canceling the group coaching program and refunding the two people who had bought.

This meant that, on top of the injury of having spent a few weeks sending emails to promote an offer that went absolutely nowhere, I also had the insult of having to pay Stripe a good amount of money to process the sizeable refunds.

Compare that to this past January.

I also created a waiting list.

I promoted the waiting list with a few weeks’ worth of emails.

I hoped to use the waiting list to effortlessly fill 5 spots in a group coaching program.

And that’s just what happened.

​​I opened up the cart. And with a couple of emails, I managed to fill the group coaching program. I even had people left over who were knocking on the doors but couldn’t get in.

What was the difference between those two waiting-list promos?

Actually there were lots of differences:

The offers promised in the emails were different… the actual coaching programs were different… the sales processes I used were different… the prices were different — the one that sold out was almost 2x the price of the one that flopped.

All that’s to say:

Are you using a waiting list for an offer right now, and is it giving you some stomach cramps?

Or have you used a waiting list for an offer before, and did it flop like an fish tossed onto the dock?

If so, then hit reply. I have an offer for you that you might like.

How to launch offers that almost never fail

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Last week, I was talking to Steve “License to Quill” Raju. Steve’s a very smart guy who has over the past year transformed himself from a direct response copywriter into an AI consultant for big corporations.

Steve was telling me how he used AI to augment his problem-solving ability.

​​For example, the problem of direct response offers that fall flat.

Steve wanted to see if there’s a way to reduce the risk of offers falling flat. So he asked the AI if this problem has already been solved in other industries.

“The AI came up with the TV industry,” Steve told me with some enthusiasm, and he went on to explain how the TV industry apparently makes sure its shows are hits.

I didn’t say so at the time, but I had my doubts. Not of Steve, but of the AI’s advice.

From what I know, the TV industry is riddled with failure — pilot episodes that never get picked up, shows that get canceled after the first season, spinoffs that go nowhere.

​​Same thing holds in the movie industry. (William Goldman: “Nobody knows anything.”)

Ditto for the publishing industry. About that:

A couple days ago, I read a 4,425-word article that summarized a 1194-page book called The Trial.

The Trial itself summarizes a yearlong antitrust case that came up when Penguin Random House tried to buy Simon & Schuster, and reduce the Big Five publishing houses to the Big Four.

As part of this antitrust case, the heads of all the major publishing companies testified, and revealed the failure-ridden and frankly sad state of the traditional publishing industry.

For example, only half the books published by these companies make any money. A much lower percentage actually pay back the money advanced to the author, and make any kind of profit.

However!

There are two categories of books where the odds are much, much better.

​​These two categories do not quite guaranteed successes. Failures still do happen. But these two types of books are as close to guaranteed as it gets.

The first are books by celebrities. Michelle Obama, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan.

The second are franchise authors. Tom Clancy, James Patterson, Brandon Sanderson.

Of these two categories, the franchise authors produce far more reliable successes. And no wonder.

Franchise authors have already built up an audience that’s demonstrated demand for a specific character or concept. This audience remains highly dedicated and forgiving, as long as the author keeps giving them more of what they already said they want.

When I put it in these terms, the lesson is hardly surprising.

But surprising or not, the fact remains that, in spite of literally hundreds of years of experimentation by established billion-dollar industries, this is still the best recipe for new offers that are an almost guaranteed success:

1. Build up an audience that’s demonstrated demand for a specific promise, product, or persona…

​2. ​​… and then give them more of what they already said they want.

​​Of course, you don’t have to write books. Short emails will do.

And if you want to see how I’ve done this using short emails, in several different industries, from supplements to pet supplies to high-ticket coaching and courses, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/sme

“How do you know?”

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Over the past five or so years, I’ve noticed that I:

1. Am listening to the same music, mostly stuff I’ve listened to for decades

2. No longer enjoy going to restaurants

3. Prefer really simple food, prepared simply

4. (If I watch anything at all) watch TV shows I already know, like Arrested Development or Twin Peaks

5. Watch movies that were made up to the year 2000 but not beyond

6. Am no longer interested in traveling

7. Am in particular not interested in traveling to poor places where I can’t have the comforts I’m already used to at home

8. Have a very routinized life — work, gym, reading, walk

9. Am getting more politically conservative

10. Feel I have an explanation for everything — just ask me.

I’m telling you these 10 highly personal things to illustrate a valuable marketing and copywriting tip:

People in your market will often describe their situation with a statement like, “I am getting closed-minded.” I know I’ve been saying this lately as I’ve noticed myself getting older.

Trouble is, “getting closed-minded” is abstract. It’s fuzzy. It can mean lots of different things to different people.

And even to people who might actually agree such a statement describes them, it doesn’t really spark a very strong emotional self-identification.

The fix for this are four simple words:

“How do you know?”

Ask your market these four words.

These four words get to the specifics, the scenes people can truly see, hear, and touch.

​​This leads to emails and sales copy that hypnotize people.

​​And if you want to know why that is, just write in and ask. I have an explanation for it — and for everything else you might ever want to know.

Back 7 years in time, to my lean and hungry freelancing days

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Day 3 in Lisbon. Yesterday, I ambled to a factory area outside the center, which has been converted into a bunch of restaurants and design shops. As soon as I stepped into this area, a strange feeling swept over me…

I had been here before.

I had been to Lisbon one time before, for two days, seven years ago, back in 2017.

Back then, I still drank alcohol and much of the trip was a blur — either horribly hung over, or drinking more to try to cope with the hangover.

This time, when coming to Lisbon, I tried remembering where I had been and what I had done during those two days back in 2017. I couldn’t remember. But yesterday, I knew at least one thing I had done. I had been to this factory area before.

“And there’s a Mexican restaurant somewhere around here,” I said to myself.

Sure enough, there was a Mexican restaurant right where I suspected it should be. I walked inside. It had a boxing ring right in the middle of it, with a dining table in the middle of the ring, and lucha libre decoration on the walls. I recognized this place. I had eaten here before.

Somehow, out of about 50 million restaurants in Lisbon, I had managed to accidentally stumble into the same restaurant I had been in seven years earlier.

And now for some entirely different news:

Yesterday, I asked my readers what frustration they are currently having.

I got a good number of responses including some unexpected ones:

“… son is now talking about having a PS5 despite only having had a Nintendo Switch for a matter of days.”

“Right now, I’m in Warsaw, and I’m shocked by how nice and kind the girls here are. As a result, I hate the idea of going back to [home town] and trying to date there.”

​​​”My greatest frustration is watching people who have never opened a book in their lives create million-dollar companies.”

On the other hand, many of the reported frustrations were not a surprise. They came from both business owners and copywriters, and were some variant of “I’m looking for more clients or customer or leads.”

Somehow, not very accidentally, by asking this question, I managed to stumble back into the same worry-cloud I had been in seven years earlier, back in 2017, when I was only two years into working as a freelance copywriter.

I managed to make a living from month one of starting to work as a copywriter, back in August 2015.

But it was always a hunt, and there was always a fair chance of going to bed hungry. Not literally — I could always afford food to eat and a place to sleep, and I could even take a trip now and then and waste some money on alcohol.

But I never knew quite how much money I would make by the end of the month. Half the time, it was less than I would have been okay with.

Back then, my interpretation of the problem was the same as the interpretation of a lot of the people who replied to me yesterday.

“I’d like to have more consistent money coming in… so what I need is more good leads… some new source of leads… or maybe an improved way to convert leads I already have.”

Reasonable enough. But wrong, at least in my case.

I realized something only years later, around 2021 or 2022. It’s the only regret I have with regard to my entire copywriting career, and the only thing I would change if i could go back. It’s this:

I spent way too much time looking for new clients and even working with new clients… rather than simply getting more out of the clients I already had.

And that’s my suggestion to you as well.

If you would like to make more consistent money, focus less on looking for more clients or customers. Get more out of the ones you’ve already got.

And if you say there’s nothing more to be had out of them:

You’re creative. That’s why you’re working as an entrepreneur or as a copywriter. So use that creativity.

I guarantee you there are ways, often easy and quick ways, to make new money from old customers or clients. You have everything you need already. It’s just a matter of putting together the pieces.

Of course, if you don’t want to put together the pieces, and if you actually have an email list of previous customers or clients, then write me. Maybe I can put the pieces together for you.

How to get free coffee for six

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I’m in Lisbon. For the second time ever in my life. ​​I’m here for a meetup organized by Sean D’Souza. For the second time ever in my life.

In case you don’t know Sean, he is a marketer who’s been online since before Google went public. And he’s still at it.

​​Sean and his wife Renuka run Psychotactics, a genuinely unique and genuinely valuable website, blog, email newsletter, and podcast.

Sean and Renuka decided a long while ago that they wanted to cap their income — the last I heard, they make $500k a year and that’s it.

On the flip side, they take three months of vacation a year — work three months, travel for one month.

They normally live in New Zealand, but last year during one of their vacation months they traveled around Spain (the first meetup I went to was in Seville).

This year, they are traveling for a month around Portugal. And that’s how and why I am Lisbon today.

Yesterday was the the meetup. There were six of us:

#1 Sean…

​​​#​2 Renuka…

​​#​​3 A Portuguese entrepreneur with a miracle household product she is trying to get onto a world market…

​​#4 A German fitness trainer and app creator…

​​#5 An English bass guitar teacher who has been selling courses online almost as long as Sean has (and who had actually heard of me, via Kieran Drew, and via my love of the Princess Bride)…

​​#6 Me.

Not in attendance, but somebody who was supposed to come until the very last minute, was Internet marketer André Chaperon. That would have been a kind of thrill for me, because André was how I got into copywriting, and his AutoResponder Madness was the first email copywriting course I ever went through.

Anyways, let me jump from the intro to the outro:

​​After three hours of sitting in the cafe of Sean and Runuka’s boutique hotel, and talking about all kinds of things business, marketing, and persuasion, we got up from the cafe and left without paying.

I didn’t know anything about it. I assumed Sean had paid for our coffees, but he didn’t. Instead, we just smiled at the two waitresses who had been serving us, thanked them, and walked out.

The coffees we had consumed didn’t go on any kind of tab. The waitresses knew we didn’t pay. And yet they didn’t complain, and in fact were happy with the situation.

The question then is, how do you get free coffee for six?

I would tell you the answer, but I’m afraid you would groan and say, “Oh come on.” Because the answer is very simple, very obvious, and you’ve probably heard it as advice a million times before.

But maybe you’re still curious, and you really would like to know how to get free coffee for six, even if the answer is simple, obvious, and familiar.

If so, I’ll make you a deal:

Write in and tell me a frustration you’re currently having. It can be big or small. It can have to do with business, marketing, persuasion — or it can have nothing to do with any of those things.

I’m not offering any kind of solution to your frustration. But I am curious, and I am willing to listen. And in exchange, I’ll write you back and I’ll tell you how to get free coffee for six.

The Trick

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Yesterday, I was critiquing an email from one of the students in my Write & Profit coaching group.

After a genuinely interesting top two-thirds of the email which talked about Pan Am Airlines, my student concluded his email by saying:

“I’m thinking of putting together a small group coaching program where I get down to the nitty-gritty of this understanding.”

I screwed up my face. “Which understanding was this again?” I asked myself.

I started scrolling back up through the email to see exactly what promise, realization, secret this was referring to, which I had either missed or forgotten.

Of course, your own readers will not read your emails with the patience and diligence of a writing coach.

If your readers find that they are lost as to what you mean, odds are really fantastic that they won’t scroll back up through your copy to figure it out.

​​Instead, they will simply click away, and they will mentally mark your emails as making them feel dumb. “Note to self: avoid in the future.”

As I told my student, the way to deal with this is to use the Trick.

The Trick takes away confusion. The Trick makes your emails easier to read. In many cases, the Trick can drive sales itself, even if the rest of your copy isn’t as interesting and persuasive as my student’s Pan Am story was.

Best of all:

The Trick really is a trick. It takes all of a few seconds to apply. And if you’re feeling particularly uninspired, the Trick can simply be a matter of formatting, without changing your copy in any way.

For all these reasons, the Trick is an immensely powerful and versatile copywriting tool.

​​That’s why the best copywriters use the Trick so often, and that’s why I’ve devoted an entire round — round 5 — of my Copy Riddles program to all the different variations of the Trick.

​​For more information on Copy Riddles and the Trick:

https://bejakovic.com/cr

Very insightful AI-generated summary for my book’s reviews

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Yesterday, I checked my little 10 Commandments book on Amazon to see if I have any new reviews. I have no new reviews. But there is something new.

Above all the reviews I’ve gotten so far, there’s a new AI-generated summary that says:

“Customers find the book a great read with great bits of advice. They also appreciate the names of the great bits.”

Huh? Names of the great bits?

​​I’m guessing that’s the AI-generated summary of the following human-generated review, which contains the word “names” several times:

“Short and very pertinent. Loaded with the names of hugely successful giants of the copywriting world and the titles of their successful books. I read the book on Kindle and highlighted many great bits of advice and the names of the great writers sharing advice. If you write ad copy for a living or hope to do so, buy this book.”

Now, this is not one of those “Haha stupid AI, it will never be as smart as us great apes” emails.

I’ve gone on record three years ago, before ChatGPT really broke, saying I think AI will in fact be able to replace any and all human work, including supposedly creative work.

I still stand by that. If AI is not quite there yet today, like with the above review summary, then it will get there tomorrow, or the day after.

That said:

My awkward AI summary above actually makes an insightful point. Humans do appreciate the names of the great bits.

Specifically, we appreciate the names of great bits known as other humans.

I’ve noticed I get turned off when I realize something is AI-generated. Not because it’s inferior in quality. Often it’s not — often it’s actually better. But I still get turned off, simply because I realize it’s AI-generated.

Really, this isn’t anything new.

I haven’t been to many standup comedy shows. But I have heard they are typically set up in a 1-2-3 order:

Number 1 comic is unknown and often terrible. Number 2 comic is unknown but really good, on the way up. Number 3 comic is nationally famous and has been so for a few years.

Objectively speaking, the no. 2 comic will often deliver the best, tightest, funniest set.

But it’s the no. 3 comic who will draw the biggest laughs, simply because people have come to see him, because he’s the headliner, because he’s got the name they know. The quality of the content is actually secondary or tertiary.

While there are still humans, and while there is still work for us to do, there’s a lesson to be drawn from that.

​​And now, related to that lesson, here’s my offer to you:

For a while now, I’ve been thinking about creating some kind of a workshop or program to help people build up their status, their authority, their name. How to do this is a personal interest of mine. And maybe I can help you do it, quickly and thoroughly.

I haven’t yet decided whether to organize this workshop or program, or how it would look. But if you’re interested, just hit reply and tell me so.

I won’t have anything to pitch you — not yet at least. But I want to hear from you, and I want to talk to you, and see if I can help. So if you’re interested, hit reply and let’s talk.

Climate change is bullshit

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If you identify as right-leaning, at least in the American sense, then there’s a good chance you already suspect climate change is bullshit.

In that case, I’m not telling you anything new.

On the other hand, if you identify as left-leaning, at least in the American sense, then you should know that “climate change” is in fact bullshit.

The term was a kind of red herring proposed back in 2002 by a Republican pollster, Frank Luntz, in a memo to the administration of President George W. Bush. Luntz wrote:

“‘Climate change’ is less frightening than ‘global warming.’ As one focus group participant noted, climate change ‘sounds like you’re going from Pittsburgh to Fort Lauderdale.’ While global warming has catastrophic connotations attached to it, climate change suggests a more controllable and less emotional challenge.”

Luntz later distanced himself from this memo and the effects it may have had. But it was too little, too late.

The Bush administration had already taken up the fight for “climate change” at the expense of “global warming.”

​​Over the course of 2023, they started seeing results.

​​Climate change gradually became the standard way to talk about the environment — not just in Bush administration press releases, but among news media, left-leaning politicians, and ultimately the general population.

It’s now 20+ years later.

​​Yesterday was Earth Day.

Mainstream media like the BBC and CNN wrote about the occasion.

So did left-leaning media like NPR and the New York Times.

They all bewailed the fact that not enough is being done. And they all used the term “climate change.”

I have no interest in trying to change your mind one way or another about the environment. I identify as neither right- nor left-leaning, but upright, like a refrigerator.

​​My point is simply to talk about the persuasion aspect of all this, and to highlight what it means for you.
​
Because you might think the lesson here is to simply come up with a sneaky new phrase like “climate change” and snap your finger to make your customers, constituents, or even competitors play the game you want them to play.

Not at all. Here’s a story from George Lakoff, a UC Berkeley professor of linguistics and a kind of Democrat version of Frank Luntz. Lakoff wrote:

“I was once asked if I could reframe — that is, provide a winning slogan for — a global warming bill “by next Tuesday.” I laughed. Effective reframing is the changing of millions of brains to be prepared to recognize a reality. That preparation hadn’t been done.”

It’s possible to reframe the minds of thousands of your customers and even your competitors so they play your game… use your preferred language… and fume against you in a way that only serves you and reinforces what you want.

But it takes some preparation to do that.

There are lots of ways to do that preparation. I’m sure many of them are fine. But my preferred one is simple daily emails like the one you’re reading now.

If you haven’t tried writing daily emails yet, I can recommend it.

​​If you have tried writing daily emails, I can recommend keeping it up.

And if you want some guidance on how to keep it up, and what to put in your emails so you prepare all those minds to recognize a new reality, here’s my “intro to daily emailing” course:

https://bejakovic.com/sme

Daily emails for non-creative people in 20 minutes or less

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There’s a famous full-page newspaper ad that ran thousands of times with the headline:

“They Thought I Was Crazy To Ship
LIVE MAINE LOBSTERS
As Far As 1,800 Miles From The Ocean”

The lesson from that famous ad is:

​If there’s a killer objection your prospect will have as soon as he hears your offer (“Lobsters in the mail???”), it can make good sense to call out that objection before your reader has a chance to think it, right in your headline (“Yes!!! Lobsters in the mail!”).

Today, print advertising isn’t what it used to be. Instead, today we have email. And in my experience, email has become the new headlines for your sales message.

And since you’re still reading, let me tell you that last summer, when I was putting together the training that eventually became my Simple Money Emails course, I asked my readers for input.

​​One of them, a business owner with a long-running and successful brick-and-mortar business, wrote me to say:

“I’m told that a sales email should be in a story format that tells the story about the client’s fears, concerns, what keeps them up at night etc. Your product or service should solve your prospect’s problem. My challenge is not being creative enough to produce these emails on a consistent basis with relevant content.”

The fact is, you don’t gotta be creative to write daily emails that pull in sales today, and even keep readers reading tomorrow. That’s really a story that people tell themselves because they are thinking too much.

In reality, you can follow the same formula day in and day out. No creativity required. And people will never notice.

I do it pretty much every day. Nobody ever complains. Sales come in. And people read again tomorrow.

If you’d like to find out how you can do it too, take a look here:

​https://bejakovic.com/sme/

The solemnization of your union to your…?

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Dearly beloved—

We are gathered here today so that I may call out a few honourable and dishonourable names:

– Brian Kurtz calls his customers his “online family”

– Dan Kennedy calls his customers his “herd”

– Ben Settle calls his customers his “horde”

Why does this matter? I’m not sure, but it does.

The human brain likes to think in metaphors. It likes to leech emotional context from one thing to another. It likes to take vague and inhuman concepts like “email addresses in a database” and turn that into something more familiar and concrete, like a family or a herd of cattle.

Therefore I require and charge you to think about the kind of metaphor you are using or not using. This will solemnize your union to your audience. I mean, to your tenants. I mean, to your parishioners.

Clearly, my own mixed metaphor still needs some work. But I’m experimenting with it.

Wilt thou experiment as well? Then take a look at the page below, because it might be helpful:

https://bejakovic.com/mve