Going back to the Mark Ford well and pulling up a goldfish

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Over and over in these emails I’ve cited a quote made by entrepreneur and copywriter Mark Ford:

“There is an inverse relationship between the value of knowledge and what people are willing to pay for it. The most important things in life you’ve probably heard a hundred times before, but you’re not paying attention. When you’re in the right place and you hear it, you have that ‘aha’ moment and everything changes.”

I’ve used this quote to talk about the trouble with marketing secrets, about A-list copywriting wisdom, and even about Tim Ferris’s 4-Hour Work Week. And why not? I think the quote itself vindicates that I keep going back to the same well.

So here I am again, dropping the bucket in, and coming up with a little goldfish that surprised even me.

Since I’ve taken Mark’s advice to heart and started paying attention to good advice lying around in plain sight, I believe I’ve become better at writing copy. That’s because I’m noticing small and valuable bits of knowledge dropped by a guru that have little or nothing to do with the main secrets in the actual offer.

For example, I’m working on a real estate investing promo right now. And while I was going through the guru’s main “secrets” of lead generation and creative financing, I noticed a few throwaway comments he made. I took these comments and twisted them a bit to get some solid bullets going:

* How a $75 gadget (available at any electronics store) can get you thousands off the seller’s initial asking price

* The 5-word under-the-radar phrase you can use to uncover a seller’s true motivation — without the need to ask prying personal questions that put the seller on guard

* How to ethically piggyback on bandit signs put up by other investors (including investors you’ve never met) to get more sellers calling and emailing you

The point is, you can do this, too. There’s no secret, and there’s no magic.

Stop letting your attention be guided by others… and start directing it to the valuable and useful info hiding out in plain sight, all around you, right now.

​You’ll save yourself time and worry by not getting sucked in to expensive but low-value secrets. And you might even make money — assuming you’re in the business of writing fascinations.

But maybe you’re not convinced. But maybe you want more secrets. In that case, make sure to sign up to my secrets-filled daily email newsletter.

The trend for the best modern copywriters

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Hidden Nazi treasure — that’s the gist of a video that’s been circulating around the Internet for the past few months.

​​The video starts off with footage of WWII personalities and tells you about a German-Jewish scientist and doctor, whose research was so valuable that he got a personal hall pass, signed by Adolf Hitler himself, to keep working in Nazi Germany.

If you take a look at this video and you squint just right, you can convince yourself you are watching the History Channel or perhaps a roided up version of a BBC documentary. Of course, that’s not what this video is. Instead, it’s a VSL for an Agora health newsletter.

Here’s a second example to illustrate the point I want to make. It also comes from an Agora imprint, Banyan Hill. It’s a short 3-minute video, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

Well, unless you’ve ever seen that viral Purple Mattress video. Or the viral video for Squatty Potty. Or the viral video for Poo-Pouri.

In other words, this Agora imprint hired the Harmon Brothers ad agency (which did all the videos I just mentioned). And the result is an ironic, self-referential, Will Ferrell-inspired ad for a stock picking service.

Will it work to get new customers for Agora?

I don’t know. But the trend is clear in both the Nazi treasure video and the Harmon Bros video. And the trend is that, even for hardcore direct response businesses who sell to cold traffic, entertaining is becoming more important than big promises. In the words of Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief:

“‘Aggressive persuasion’ is dying with the Boomers, but Big Tech will kill you for it first. The best modern copywriters spend more time studying Quentin Tarantino than they do Claude Hopkins.”

Here’s some un-aggressive persuasion:

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People will pay to see someone shut your mouth

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Back when I was sexually illiterate — and by that I mean, back when it took me a minimum of two months of “hanging out” to maybe take a girl to bed — well, back then, I knew a guy named James.

James and I spent enough time together that I began to notice an uncomfortable thing he always did.

In any group of people, assuming there were any girls around, James always made some offhand sexual comment. Perhaps a fragment of a bizarre story that happened to him between the sheets. Or how he didn’t have a lot of time to cheat on his girlfriend before she came back from vacation. Or just about some impressive breasts that were passing by.

Like I said, I always found these comments uncomfortable. Tacky. Unnecessary. Why would James say these things?

Well, I now know. But this isn’t a pickup newsletter. Instead, it’s a marketing newsletter, so let’s talk marketing.

Specifically, personal branding.

Yesterday, I watched an eye-opening video on YouTube. It’s called Villains in Wrestling: The Art of Making People Hate You.

The video is great. Fun. Full of detail and story.

And it tells you the exact steps these TV entertainers take to become hated. And course, why they do it. In the words of Gorgeous George, the first TV wrestling heel and somebody who influenced Muhammad Ali, James Brown, and Bob Dylan:

“People will pay to see someone shut your mouth. So keep on bragging, keep on sassing, and always be outrageous.”

Gorgeous George was a star on par with the biggest entertainers of his era, including Bob Hope and Lucille Ball. He was paid obscene amounts of money, and he single-handedly made television into the entertainment medium it is today.

And that’s the connection to my story with James above. James had a pretty girlfriend, and from what I saw, plenty of quick success with random other girls on the side.

Fact is, there are proven ways to take girls to bed quickly, which have nothing to do with making more money or having six-pack abs.

Likewise, there are proven ways to grow a personal brand people will pay for, which have nothing to do with giving away more value or being helpful and friendly.

Maybe these ways make you uncomfortable. Maybe you’re all about expanding your comfort zone… but not if it means being hated or being tacky.

Your choice. But the knowledge is out there. And, speaking personally, that YouTube video on wrestling villains is worth a watch.

One last point:

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If you wish to know what advertising is, read this post

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Imagine a classy and rich office, with two well-dressed businessmen standing side by side, leaning on a desk.

One of the businessmen is old, the other is young. Even so, they look to be equals. They are busy looking over a report the younger one is holding.

Suddenly, a secretary knocks on the door.

“Message for you, Mr. Thomas,” she says as she hands the older man a slip of paper.

Thomas unfolds the paper, and as he reads the short note, his eyebrows shoot up.

He shakes his head and hands the paper to the younger man with a smile. The younger man takes a look at the note. It reads:

“I am in the saloon downstairs. I can tell you what advertising is. I know you don’t know. It will mean much to me to have you know what it is, and it will mean much to you. If you wish to know what advertising is, send the word ‘yes’ down by the bell boy.”

The younger businessman, Albert Lasker, pauses.

​​What the note says is true. He’s been in the advertising business for a few years now. He’s had tremendous success. In fact, even though he is only 24 years old, he is a partner at one of Chicago’s top advertising agencies, Lord & Thomas.

​​But he still doesn’t know what advertising really is. He doesn’t why it sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t. So he’s been asking around — other agency heads, copywriters, newspapermen. Nobody can give him a satisfying answer.

Well, nobody except maybe the guy in the lobby downstairs.

You might have already heard this story of the first meeting between Albert Lasker and John E. Kennedy, the mysterious man waiting downstairs.

​​Lasker did send the word “yes” down by the bellboy. And after a lot of negotiating and finagling, which included buying out Kennedy’s ridiculously expensive contract as a copywriter, Lasker had his answer.

It was all of three words that Kennedy told Lasker. But these three words transformed the Lord & Thomas advertising agency, and they transformed modern advertising.

What Kennedy told Lasker is that advertising is not about keeping the company’s name in front of the public. It’s not about delivering news, either, though news can be useful. Instead, advertising is simply:

Salesmanship in print

For about a hundred years now, nobody’s been able to improve on that definition. Fortunes have been made by taking this simple idea and applying it thoroughly.

​​But things might finally be changing. Perhaps Kennedy’s definition is not good enough any more. Salesmanship in print is still important. But it’s not enough. And sometimes it can even hurt instead of help.

​​So what’s a better way to think of advertising today?

​​It will mean much to me to have you know what it is, and it will mean much to you. If you wish to know what advertising is today, take a look at the following page.

Wiley Jews and subverted cliches

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In 1982, Hollywood movie studios apparently froze in fear. None of their old formulas were working and big budget movies turned into flops.

In fact, the only runaway hit for the first half of the year was a small outside production, which managed to reap $136 million on a budget of just $4 million. It was called Porky’s.

I’d never even heard of Porky’s until a few weeks ago. I decided to watch it today.

It turns out to be a teen sex comedy set in Florida in the 1950s. It hasn’t aged brilliantly.

It’s quaint with its boyish pranks (one boy’s “tallywacker” stuck through a hole in wall of the girls’ locker room shower) and its unabashed objectification of the multitasking gender (a hot female PE teacher, played by a young Kim Catrall, is nicknamed “Lassie” because of her coital howling).

But ok. Product of the times, right?

What seems out of place even for 1982 is the subplot involving one Brian Schwartz. Brian is Jewish. In the 1950s Dixie high school, he sticks out like a lobster on a sand beach.

Spoiler alert: Brian rises above and works his way inside the gang. That’s impressive, considering he drives a Richie Rich Jaguar while all the other boys drive pickup trucks.

But Brian wins their approval by 1) speaking calmly and intelligently to get the other boys out of trouble with the police and by 2) coming up with a devious, multi-stage plan to replace the boys’ dumb plan for the climax of the movie.

Way to explode those stereotypes about Jews. You can’t blame Brian, though. He’s just using his God-given intellectual talents. What you can do is blame the screenwriters for resorting to the cliche of the natural-born Jewish schemer.

And that’s where today’s Porky’s email ties into copywriting:

One easy, almost mechanical way to surprise your readers involves cliches. Of course, not salting your copy with even more cliches. But also not avoiding cliches, either.

Instead, what you can do is subvert a cliche. You can do it at the level of your concepts (Gary Bencivenga: “Get Rich Slowly”). You can do it at the level of an individual sentence (Ben Settle: “Take my advice with a grain of chili pepper”).

However you do it, your reader will think he knows where you’re taking him… but Brian Schwartz doesn’t grow up to become a well-paid Hollywood lawyer.

Sure, you can get sometimes away with a cliche. Porky’s proves that, as do many sales letters and emails. But there’s value in unpredictability. As A-list copywriter Jim Rutz wrote:

“The #1 sin in ad mail is being boring, and over half of it richly deserves its quick death by wastebasket. What is ‘always boring?’ The predictable. You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy.”

Huruhuru secrets of writing advertorials

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Earlier this month, news broke that a beer company in Canada accidentally named itself “pubic hair.”

Actually what they did is they nam​​ed their brewing company Huruhuru, which they believed means “feather” in Maori and which they thought sounded cooler than a kiwi egg sandwich. But it turns out no.

​A man named Te Hamua Nikora, who looks somewhat like a Maori Rodney Dangerfield, explained on Facebook that huruhuru actually means pubic hair in his language. He also added, “Some people call it appreciation, I call it appropriation.”

What to say?

This is the kind of spanking you can get when you get too clever and want something new and never-heard-before.

I bring this up because I was asked a related question yesterday. I was giving a consult call about my style of writing advertorials (a first for me) and one of the people on the call asked:

“Any online resources or people we should follow that are really sharp on the advertorial side of things?”

I’m sure there are people out there, probably somebody like me looking to make a name for himself, who will tell you all kinds of tips and tricks and best practices for writing advertorials.

But the fact is, advertorials are a long-form piece of copy, intended to sell to cold traffic. Almost everything about how to do this this was figured out over 50 years ago. In other words, rather than looking for huruhuru secrets of advertorials, just go back and read all the standards of the direct response canon.

That’s not to say there is never anything new under the sun. It might really be true, as Incomparable Expert Jason Leister has written, that the direct marketing industry was a historical anomaly, “a period of arbitrage where trust was JUST high enough and information distribution was JUST new enough that things worked.”

What I mean is that a lot of profitable copywriting today isn’t going out to cold traffic any more, but to warm. And that kind of copywriting is a genuinely different beast, with different rules and best practices. But that’s a different kaupapa, for a different wā.

Are you warming up to me? If you’d like to hear from me more regularly, and see how I write to a warm audience, then sign up for my daily email newsletter.

“I don’t want a mail-order bride… I want it to be easy!”

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How hard do you think it would be to get a mail-order bride?

What if you were rich? Incredibly successful? Clever? Funny? Do you think that would help?

What if you were a master of persuasion to boot? What if you could write an ad selling yourself… using your masterful persuasion skills? Do you think you could get a nice Russian woman to fly over and marry you and your millions, sight unseen?

It might seem like a layup. But it isn’t.

A-list copywriter Jim Rutz, who was one of the most successful copywriters of all time, tried it. Apparently Rutz was a virgin until age 40. So he sought out mail-order love with an ad he wrote himself:

“Damsel Wanted (Distress Optional)”

But it didn’t work out. Rutz never did get married. Which makes me think of those ads for a “copywriting ninja superstar,” which are looking for somebody “who can sell ice to an Eskimo.”

Well, here was Rutz. Rich. Successful. And just about as good at written persuasion as anybody ever.

And yet. Single.

Which brings me to a passage from the Gary Halbert letter. Gary, another master of persuasion, was writing on the topic of “challenges.” It’s what I’ll leave you with today, because it’s stuck with me for years:

American business owners need another “challenge” about as much as Warren Beatty needs help getting dates. What we need are “set-ups,” lay-down hands, deals that can’t hardly miss even if everything goes wrong. (As it always does.)

I wanna sell heroin to junkies. Fudge bars that make you skinny to porkers. Porno videos to Pee Wee Herman. Travel luggage to President Bush. Memory pills to Ronald Reagan. Kitty Kelley dart boards to Nancy Reagan. Condoms to Geraldo Rivera. (Did you read his new book? Whew!) Booze to Ted Kennedy. I.Q. pills to Dan Quayle, etc… etc… etc.

Are you getting the idea? I don’t want (and certainly don’t need) another “challenge.” No… I WANT IT TO BE EASY!”

If you’re still reading, maybe you’re an addict for direct response and copywriting knowledge.

In that, I’ve got an offer that might be a layup:

Sign up for my daily email newsletter where I share more content like this.

Don’t start your sales letters like this

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“This was not a guy you wanted to mess with before lunch. He was large and threatening… Half his face was covered with a kind of breathing apparatus… He spoke in a strange, mechanical voice. And to make it all worse, he was as cool as a gherkin and seemed prepared for any eventuality. That’s why his minions followed him blindly, and even his allies feared him. Who was this dangerous man? All we know is his name. He was called Bane.”

So begins Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises.

​​With the above monologue, the narrator introduces the main villain, Bane, and then we get into the rest of the movie, where Bane and Batman work out their relationship problems in sewers and on rooftops.

Maybe you’re puzzled. Don’t be. You’re not going crazy. This of course is not how The Dark Knight really starts.

The real movie starts in a plane, where Bane pretends to be a hostage. Except of course he’s not. ​​His minions come in a bigger plane, use a crane to lift up the first plane, blow a hole in the tail section. Whatever. You’ve probably seen the movie. And even if you haven’t, the point is simply this:

Hollywood blockbusters do not start with a narrator talking you into the story. Instead, they start with a dramatic scene, which introduces the characters and sets the mood.

There’s a valuable lesson in there. Here’s why I bring it up:

A lot of copy I see starts in the narrator style above. “I have a problem. It’s really bad. I’ve tried all the solutions but nothing is working. It is making my life miserable.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not picking on anybody. I used to write like this myself until I learned better. Even now, it’s still easy for me to slip into this narrator style. And at least I’m talking about the problem.

The trouble is that many people who make good direct response prospect won’t respond to this copy. They have either seen too many such ads and they won’t get sucked in… or they don’t (yet) identify with the problem you are calling out — and they won’t get sucked in.

The solution comes straight out of Hollywood. Don’t talk. Don’t tell. Instead show. Start your sales letter — or advertorial or whatever — with a dramatic scene. “This happened and then there was an explosion, and I winced in pain.” By the way, there’s got to be pain. Or at least anxiety, anger, or envy. We’re talking direct response copywriting, after all.

Want more copywriting lessons? Or just more fake Hollywood intros? Sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Copywriting that ages like fine milk

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Picture me in my kitchen a few days ago, waiting with a naive smile while my moka pot comes to a boil.

I’ve been craving a coffee all morning long, and here I am, only moments from fulfillment.

The moka pot starts to rumble — a good sign. I wait until it stops rumbling, take it off the stove, pour the coffee into a cup. Deep inhale. The coffee smell gets me excited about the drinking to come.

I open the fridge and take out the bottle of milk — not too much left, but it will be just enough — and I pour it into my cup. And out it comes. A whitish, lumpy, cottage cheese-like substance rolls out of the milk bottle and into my coffee. My smile is gone. The milk has curdled. My coffee is ruined.

A few things in life get better with age, but most get worse, much worse. Milk is one of them. My own writing is another.

About 18 months ago, I wrote a little book about how I succeeded on Upwork, going from zero experience and charging $15/hr, to being a well-paid and well-reviewed sales copywriter.

Then a few days ago, I had the idea to pull out a part of this book — specifically about how to apply for Upwork jobs – and put it on my site as an article.

But now that I’m re-reading what I wrote back then… well, my naive smile is gone. I’m not sure I want this aged writing curdling up the other content on my website.

Of course, with a bit of work, I could make this information presentable. But is it worth it? I don’t know.

I sent out an email to my newsletter subscribers to find out. If there’s demand for my advice on how to write 3-sentence Upwork proposals that win 4-figure jobs, I’ll put my distaste aside, and write this article up.

And if you want to know if it ever gets published, the surest way to get notified is to sign up for my daily email newsletter yourself.

From good-looking and talented to star in one easy step

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In 1969, Robert Redford was a good-looking, talented, accomplished actor. But he was not an A-list celebrity. “Throw a stick at Malibu,” said a Hollywood insider, “and you’ll hit six of him.”

And yet, after a single movie (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), Redford became the biggest star in Hollywood — not just for 1969, but for the entire coming decade.

In 2009 (or thereabouts), Rich Schefren was a successful and respected online entrepreneur and business coach. But he was not the no. 1 name in the Internet marketing space. He was certainly not getting mainstream attention.

And yet, after writing a single 40-page report (The Internet Business Manifesto), Schefren became a star in his field. Millions of downloads of his report followed, along with hundreds of new clients, and even the attention of big brands like Verizon.

My point is that a single piece of work can make you a breakout success. It can transform you from somebody who is skilled, prepared, and talented… into a star in your industry.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a recipe for you to become an A-list Hollywood celebrity.

I do have a good idea of how Rich achieved such big success with his Internet Business Manifesto. He’s been open with his strategies, and if you start following him online and going through all the content he’s publishing (a good use of your time), you’ll get the idea too.

However, if for some reason you don’t have time… or you hate the idea of following Rich Schefren… you’ll find the gist of Rich’s strategy in Commandment 7 of my upcoming book on valuable ideas handed down by A-list copywriters.

(Rich, by the way, is not an A-list copywriter. He’s just a very successful marketer, and somebody I’m using to illustrate a copywriting technique, which works just as well in the Internet Business Manifesto as it does in a cold traffic sales letter.)

Anyways, I’m making good progress with this little book, and it should be out by the end of this month. If you want to get notified when my book comes out, you can sign up for my daily email newsletter.