Sweet inconsistency in copywriting education

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“The most important thing — you can know every copywriting technique in the book, you can read every book — the most important thing is to understand your audience.”
– Parris Lampropoulos

At the start of this year, I got a job to rewrite a VSL for an upsell of a successful offer.

A bit of background:

The offer was in the real estate investing space. It basically showed newbie investors how to get their leads for free using a secret resource.

​​Once people bought the frontend offer, they were shown the upsell. The upsell was about how to hire virtual assistants to automate much of the work involved in the frontend offer… so you can make more money in less time.

The question was how to position this upsell VSL.

My copywriting coach at the time said something like, “This training is the quickest way to become a millionaire real estate investor.”

That might be true. But my feeling was, for this audience, it was not believable. Most of these people had never even completed their first deal. Lots of them were retirees, or people who just wanted to quit their crap jobs and spend more time at home.

If these folks heard “You can be a millionaire,” my gut feeling was they would say, “No, that’s not me.”

And so I wrote that VSL around the promise of, “Get your first deal faster by doing less.” And that positioning turned out to be a winner. It beat out the control by 50%.

Here’s why I bring up this story from my client annals:

Copywriting wisdom is full of sweet inconsistency. Many top copywriters will tell you to make the biggest promise you can — and they will show you million-dollar ads to back up their case. Here’s a famous one from John Carlton:

“Amazing Secret Discovered By One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards To Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks And Slices… And Can Slash Up To 10 Strokes From Your Game Almost Overnight”

But then you have other top copywriters, who will tell you the opposite — to make modest but believable promises. They will also show you successful ads to back up their case. Here’s one from Gary Bencivenga:

“Get Rich Slowly”

So who’s right? The “biggers” or the “modests”?

Neither, of course. Instead, it’s Parris who’s right.

As he says in the quote above, you’ve got to know your audience. Some audiences will believe any promise, so the larger it is, the better for you. Other audiences won’t. So make the biggest promise you can — as long as you’re sure your audience will find it believable.

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Self-loathing in Hollywood and direct response copy

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A holstered gun comes flying through the trailer door and crashes into the opposite window. A furious Rick Dalton follows.

He’s just been humiliated on set, or rather, he’s humiliated himself.

“You forget all your lines,” he screams. “You embarrass yourself in front of all these people. You been drinking all night. Eight goddamn whisky sours. You’re a fucking miserable drunk.”

Maybe you know this scene. It’s from Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Dalton, played by Leonardo Di Caprio, is a fading Hollywood actor. Regardless of what he does, he can’t seem to turn things around.

After forgetting his lines on set (even though he practiced them), he’s disgusted. He proceeds to trash his trailer. And then he sets himself an ultimatum.

“You’re gonna show that fucking girl, you’re gonna show that goddamn Jim Stacey, you’re gonna show them all on that fucking set who Rick Dalton is.”

And if he doesn’t?

“Let me tell you something,” Rick says while looking at himself in the mirror. “You don’t get these lines right… I’m gonna blow your brains out.”

A while back, I wrote about psychological shortcuts our brains like to take. Specifically, the ones that relate to direct response copywriting.

Well, there’s one for you in that Tarantino scene above.

When things aren’t going well for your prospect, even though he’s tried and struggled to turn things around, his brain jumps to a conclusion.

The conclusion is that he is a fuckup, and everybody knows it. Or if you want it in quotes:

“It’s my fault because I’m worthless.”

Of course, your prospect probably won’t say it out loud like Leo above. He might not even admit it to himself consciously.

But it’s there, beneath the surface, roiling around in his brain. You’re gonna have to address it. You’re gonna have to fix your prospect’s self-esteem, if only for a few moments, if you will have any hope of selling him.

Perhaps you’d like to know how to do this. Well, I’ve just finished writing a book on A-list copywriter wisdom, and chapter 7 tells you one technique you can use.

This book isn’t out yet, but it will be soon. If you’d like to know when it’s available, you can sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Sad Kermit noises in Bejakoland

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Whenever a big tennis tournament finishes, nerdy tennis fans shift in their armchairs and take to their keyboards to post the same sad Kermit meme.

The meme consists of a few pictures of Kermit the frog.

So there’s Kermit looking wistfully out of a rain-streaked window…

Kermit fishing alone on an empty riverbank…

Kermit leaning on a lamppost and staring off into the bleak distance.

I bring this up because I just wrapped up my new book on A-list copywriting commandments. This is something I’ve been working for the past month. And now it’s done.

I’ve asked a friend to read over it and give me final feedback… I’ve ordered a cover for it online… and inshallah, I will publish it in the next few days.

And then what?

I’m grunting those same sad Kermit noises right now. Or if you prefer, I’m looking for ideas for the next one-month project.

Now here’s a quick lesson I want to share with you:

I heard it from Ben Settle. Ben, who makes a play of being contrarian and dismissive, said you should never survey your audience or your customers about the next product you should create.

It’s the old Gary Halbert movie/play argument. Gary would give lectures and he’d ask the audience which they preferred, going to a play or to a movie.

Everybody said they preferred plays.

Bull, Gary would say. And to prove it, he’d ask people to raise their hand if they’d been to a play in the last week.

No hands.

How many had been to a movie?

Many hands.

That’s why Ben, himself a big student of Gary Halbert, says that if you want to ask your list anything, ask them what they bought recently.

I asked this question today of the people subscribed to my email newsletter. We will see what the responses will be.

By the way, I don’t only ask and query my list for ideas. Lots of time I give out ideas, and sometimes even more tangible things, too.

Of course, you have to be on my email newsletter to get any of this. In case you’d like to subscribe right now, click here.

Making missed opportunities hurt

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I’m at the seaside for a few days. Last night, after the fortieth glass of aperol, the decision was made to go for an “early-morning swim” today.

Today however, thanks to that same aperol, morning came later than usual. And then there was breakfast and some packing and a bit of standing around on the balcony. The early-morning swim plans turned into mid-day swim plans.

And then it started to rain. There would be no swimming after all.

Typical. At least in my life. Because in my experience, you can screw up in two ways:

You can take action and do something dumb… or you can not take action and miss an opportunity.

I’ve noticed in my own life that I’m much more likely to not take action, just like this morning, than to get overeager and get into trouble.

And I guess I am not the only one.

I read in Daniel Kahmenan’s Thinking Fast and Slow that we humans have a reliable bias in this direction.

It’s not just laziness.

But somewhere deep down in our monkey and lizard brains, we believe we will regret a mistake much more if we actively did something to bring it about… rather than if we just sat by, staring out the window, watching the clouds gather.

If Kahneman is right — and why wouldn’t he be, the guy’s got a Nobel Prize after all — then it’s another notch in favor of writing over-the-top, emotionally supercharged, manipulative sales copy.

Because sales copy, in spite of what many people will tell you, is not just like an ordinary conversation. You can’t just present a sober, reasoned argument and have people jumping out of bed.

Instead, you’ve got to create such desperation and fury in your prospect’s mind not only to overcome his natural laziness… but to overcome his fear of trudging all the way down to the beach, and then getting drenched in ice-cold rain. That’s gonna take some hyperbole. It’s gonna take some drama.

Finally, here’s a vision I want to paint in your mind:

I have an email newsletter. Each day I write a short email about copywriting and marketing lessons I’m learning.

If you like, you can sign up for the newsletter here. Or you can just wait. The opportunity will still be there tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.

The unmasking of a copywriting replicant

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“You remember when you were six, you and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window, you were gonna play doctor? He showed you his. When it got to be your turn, you chickened out and then ran. Remember that? Did you ever tell anybody that?”

I had a Blade Runner moment a few days ago.

I was watching an episode of The Copywriters Podcast and vague suspicions started bubbling up in my mind.

I realized many of my own ideas, my memories, the advice I keep peddling to others… I realized they’re not my own.

Instead, the guy on this interview, a successful copywriter, well, somehow his ideas seeped into my mind and had influenced a lot of how I write copy, specifically those cold-traffic advertorials I’ve done a million of for the past few years.

The thing is, this copywriter doesn’t have a book or a course for sale, as least as far as I know.

Instead, all those replicant memories in my head got there after I studied a few of his sales letters, along with snippets of his ideas that appeared online.

To make things worse, The Copywriters Podcast interview wasn’t very insightful. Too much David Garfinkel, too little of this original copywriter.

But I just went online. And I found a presentation this copywriter made about 8 years ago. I watched it. My Blade Runner moment intensified. It’s unsettling. But I wouldn’t undo it if I could, because this presentation (short by the way, only about 20 mins) is so full of valuable copywriting platinum and gold.

Maybe this doesn’t mean anything to you. But maybe, if you write copy, particularly for cold traffic, you want to know who this copywriter is.

But that particular bit of incriminating information is something I only revealed to people who were subscribed to my daily email newsletter. In case you want to get on that newsletter, so you don’t miss out on any of my future unmaskings, click here.

Don’t burden busy business owners with your vague help

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A few weeks ago, a former client named Patrick sent a couple referrals my way. One of those turned into a largish project, the other might turn into something down the line.

So this week, I wrote to Patrick to say thanks. I also wrote that, if he wants, I would write some new headlines for a VSL he’s running that he could test against his control. (I’ve done this before for him as part of a project, and it had a big effect.) I offered to do this for free — just as a way of saying thanks for the referrals.

Patrick said great, and sent me a VSL that’s doing well and that he wanted to test new headlines on. I watched the VSL… wrote up a couple new headlines… sent it back to Patrick… and it’s getting tested now.

“Thanks for this,” Patrick said at the end, “and I’ll keep you in mind for future copywriting work.”

Contrary to what you might think, this email is not about greasing the groove of those client relationships with bottles of wine and fruit baskets.

Instead, I want to point out something else that can help you get work and form better relationships:

Business owners are busy. So when you make a proposal to them, be specific.

That’s why I wrote Patrick and said, “Do you want me to rewrite a headline for you as a way of saying thanks?” I didn’t write him and say, “If there’s anything I can do to say thanks, let me know.”

Don’t count on busy people to spend time and mental effort thinking about how to do business with you. Instead, put in a bit of time and thought yourself, and make a specific proposal to them.

Maybe they will take you up on your proposal… or maybe it will jog another idea in their mind that works better for them. Either way, I think your chances of making a connection jump up about a million-fold, compared to counting on them to do the work.

​​And by the way, I think this same “specific” approach is the way to go when contacting people who could be your personal mentors.

All right, enough traipsing down client lane for today.

If you want more of my ideas for how to deal with copywriting clients, you might like my daily email newsletter.

Why ecommerce list owners should beware high open rates

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Today, I checked the sales numbers for an email A/B test I sent a couple days ago.

Roughly speaking, subject line A had 50% more opens… 50% more clickthroughs… and 50% fewer sales.

Let me repeat that:

50% more people clicked through the email to the advertorial…

But 50% FEWER people actually got out their credit card and handed over their banking ones and zeros.

And yes, in case you are wondering, the subject line was the only difference among the two email versions, and the numbers were big enough to be statistically significant, whatever that means.

This is a dramatic illustration of something I’ve written about before. And that is, for this particular list of about 50,000 ecommerce buyers, we’ve seen an inverse relationship between opens and sales. I even calculated once that each 1% bump in open rates cost us about $100 in sales. But I’ve never seen crazy inverse numbers like with the email above.

So what’s going on?

Who the hell knows. My guess is that different subject lines 1) select different segments of the market and 2) put prospects into different buying/unbuying moods.

Whatever the case, I think this example is good to keep in mind.

I’m not saying that for your market, you will see the same inverse relationship. But it definitely makes sense to be wary of increasing open rates for the sake of increasing open rates.

So what should you do instead?

I heard a good piece of advice once from marketer Travis Sago. Travis has made a lot of money with his emails and is a bit of an expert on the topic. His advice is to write your subject lines as though you have to pay for each open. Qualify your email prospects. Use market-specific language. Do whatever you can so only those people who are most likely to buy will open, and nobody else.

Speaking of most likely to buy:

If you want more tested and proven email marketing advice, well, it’s not something I write about all that often in my daily email newsletter. But I do write about it on occasion. Plus I write about marketing and influence and persuasion more broadly. In case you are interested, you can sign up to my newsletter here.

Going back to the Mark Ford well and pulling up a goldfish

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Over and over in these emails I’ve cited a quote made by entrepreneur and copywriter Mark Ford:

“There is an inverse relationship between the value of knowledge and what people are willing to pay for it. The most important things in life you’ve probably heard a hundred times before, but you’re not paying attention. When you’re in the right place and you hear it, you have that ‘aha’ moment and everything changes.”

I’ve used this quote to talk about the trouble with marketing secrets, about A-list copywriting wisdom, and even about Tim Ferris’s 4-Hour Work Week. And why not? I think the quote itself vindicates that I keep going back to the same well.

So here I am again, dropping the bucket in, and coming up with a little goldfish that surprised even me.

Since I’ve taken Mark’s advice to heart and started paying attention to good advice lying around in plain sight, I believe I’ve become better at writing copy. That’s because I’m noticing small and valuable bits of knowledge dropped by a guru that have little or nothing to do with the main secrets in the actual offer.

For example, I’m working on a real estate investing promo right now. And while I was going through the guru’s main “secrets” of lead generation and creative financing, I noticed a few throwaway comments he made. I took these comments and twisted them a bit to get some solid bullets going:

* How a $75 gadget (available at any electronics store) can get you thousands off the seller’s initial asking price

* The 5-word under-the-radar phrase you can use to uncover a seller’s true motivation — without the need to ask prying personal questions that put the seller on guard

* How to ethically piggyback on bandit signs put up by other investors (including investors you’ve never met) to get more sellers calling and emailing you

The point is, you can do this, too. There’s no secret, and there’s no magic.

Stop letting your attention be guided by others… and start directing it to the valuable and useful info hiding out in plain sight, all around you, right now.

​You’ll save yourself time and worry by not getting sucked in to expensive but low-value secrets. And you might even make money — assuming you’re in the business of writing fascinations.

But maybe you’re not convinced. But maybe you want more secrets. In that case, make sure to sign up to my secrets-filled daily email newsletter.

The trend for the best modern copywriters

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Hidden Nazi treasure — that’s the gist of a video that’s been circulating around the Internet for the past few months.

​​The video starts off with footage of WWII personalities and tells you about a German-Jewish scientist and doctor, whose research was so valuable that he got a personal hall pass, signed by Adolf Hitler himself, to keep working in Nazi Germany.

If you take a look at this video and you squint just right, you can convince yourself you are watching the History Channel or perhaps a roided up version of a BBC documentary. Of course, that’s not what this video is. Instead, it’s a VSL for an Agora health newsletter.

Here’s a second example to illustrate the point I want to make. It also comes from an Agora imprint, Banyan Hill. It’s a short 3-minute video, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

Well, unless you’ve ever seen that viral Purple Mattress video. Or the viral video for Squatty Potty. Or the viral video for Poo-Pouri.

In other words, this Agora imprint hired the Harmon Brothers ad agency (which did all the videos I just mentioned). And the result is an ironic, self-referential, Will Ferrell-inspired ad for a stock picking service.

Will it work to get new customers for Agora?

I don’t know. But the trend is clear in both the Nazi treasure video and the Harmon Bros video. And the trend is that, even for hardcore direct response businesses who sell to cold traffic, entertaining is becoming more important than big promises. In the words of Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief:

“‘Aggressive persuasion’ is dying with the Boomers, but Big Tech will kill you for it first. The best modern copywriters spend more time studying Quentin Tarantino than they do Claude Hopkins.”

Here’s some un-aggressive persuasion:

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People will pay to see someone shut your mouth

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Back when I was sexually illiterate — and by that I mean, back when it took me a minimum of two months of “hanging out” to maybe take a girl to bed — well, back then, I knew a guy named James.

James and I spent enough time together that I began to notice an uncomfortable thing he always did.

In any group of people, assuming there were any girls around, James always made some offhand sexual comment. Perhaps a fragment of a bizarre story that happened to him between the sheets. Or how he didn’t have a lot of time to cheat on his girlfriend before she came back from vacation. Or just about some impressive breasts that were passing by.

Like I said, I always found these comments uncomfortable. Tacky. Unnecessary. Why would James say these things?

Well, I now know. But this isn’t a pickup newsletter. Instead, it’s a marketing newsletter, so let’s talk marketing.

Specifically, personal branding.

Yesterday, I watched an eye-opening video on YouTube. It’s called Villains in Wrestling: The Art of Making People Hate You.

The video is great. Fun. Full of detail and story.

And it tells you the exact steps these TV entertainers take to become hated. And course, why they do it. In the words of Gorgeous George, the first TV wrestling heel and somebody who influenced Muhammad Ali, James Brown, and Bob Dylan:

“People will pay to see someone shut your mouth. So keep on bragging, keep on sassing, and always be outrageous.”

Gorgeous George was a star on par with the biggest entertainers of his era, including Bob Hope and Lucille Ball. He was paid obscene amounts of money, and he single-handedly made television into the entertainment medium it is today.

And that’s the connection to my story with James above. James had a pretty girlfriend, and from what I saw, plenty of quick success with random other girls on the side.

Fact is, there are proven ways to take girls to bed quickly, which have nothing to do with making more money or having six-pack abs.

Likewise, there are proven ways to grow a personal brand people will pay for, which have nothing to do with giving away more value or being helpful and friendly.

Maybe these ways make you uncomfortable. Maybe you’re all about expanding your comfort zone… but not if it means being hated or being tacky.

Your choice. But the knowledge is out there. And, speaking personally, that YouTube video on wrestling villains is worth a watch.

One last point:

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