The one weird trick to making easy sales

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Today I listened to an interview with a marketing dynamo called Kim Walsh Phillips. I’d never even heard of her before today, but I was very impressed.

The long of it is, Kim ran a kind of virtual event, which she peopled by running ads to cold Facebook traffic. The result was revenues of $250k on $6k ad spend — a 40x return.

I won’t go through the details of how Kim did this. For one thing, it’s available inside this month’s Steal Our Winners, and is worth your $4. For another, the whole system was so complex that I’m sure I’d miss 90% of the important stuff.

Which brings me to something Kim said during this interview. She said people will often ask her some version of, “What was the one thing that made the most impact?”

To which she answers, “There were 17.”

The fact is, the human brain loves simplicity, and it loves extremes. When I write copy, I always have to catch myself and beat this fact into my own head.

Because people don’t want systems, nuanced answers, or anything that smacks of work. They want tactics, opportunities, and the “one weird trick.”

Maybe your market is more grown up than this. But you’d be surprised.

​​It takes time and discipline to train your customers and prospects to stop being opportunity seekers… to accept the complex reality behind any kind of success… and to not backslide as soon as you turn your back.

​​But that sounds like work to me. And who the hell wants that?

Here’s something that won’t take any work at all:

I write a daily email newsletter. In other words, you just sit there, and my emails arrive to your inbox, to entertain you and show you new marketing opportunities. And all you have to do is press this magic button.

Getting your prospect and yourself to obey

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Over the past 36 hours, I’ve written a 20-page VSL.

It wasn’t completely from scratch — there were a bunch of notes and research and a fairly detailed brief I had written earlier.

But still. Yesterday morning, all that stuff looked like a rotting head of cabbage on the shelf of a Hungarian grocery store.

And as of 3 minutes ago, I have a polished VSL, along with several alternate headline complexes, suitable for handing off to the client.

The point I want to make here is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s not powerful. It goes all the way back to that demi-god of persuasion, Robert Cialdini.

I’m talking about the power of urgency, and specifically, the power of a deadline.

Human beings will do all sorts of things because of a deadline, including writing a 20-page VSL in 36 hours.

But in most cases — certainly in my case yesterday and today — a deadline really doesn’t mean anything.

I’m not sure my client even realized today is the deadline for this project… And if he did, I doubt it would have been any kind of problem to ask for a bit of extra time, say until Monday.

But my brain never treated either of those as options.

“Deadlines are deadlines,” the gray blob said, “and they need to be obeyed.”

Your prospects are the same way.

So invent a deadline. If your deadline is genuine, great. But even if not, people will be moved to obey. And often, they will be moved more than by any inducements or promises or blandishments you could ever make.

Speaking of which, here’s an offer that will expire at the top of the hour:

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“I’ve made a huge mistake”

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I loved the original run of the TV show Arrested Development, in large part because I identified with the no-good character of Gob Bluth.

If you’ve never seen the show, I can’t do it justice here. So let me just say Gob is an irresponsible, childish, struggling stage magician.

He doesn’t think too far ahead and he consistently jumps into problem situations, such as making unintended marriage proposals or voluntarily going to prison. This sets him up for his catchphrase:

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Like I said, it might not be funny here in this post, but it’s funny in the show. And it’s funny because I, and I guess many other people, know that sinking feeling.

It happens when you’re here on your grassy but dull knoll… looking at that other grassy but sparkling knoll over there.

Your desire builds until it becomes unbearable. So you charge down your grassy knoll and up the other grassy knoll. And once you reach the top, all sweaty and winded, you notice this new grassy knoll is no better, and is probably worse, than where you started.

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Thing is, this pre-existing condition in the human mind — that anything else must be better than what you’ve currently got — can be exploited for sales.

Don’t take my word for it. It’s an idea that many successful marketers have expressed in slightly different ways.

Todd Brown advises not selling improvement on what your prospect already has, but a new solution.

Rich Schefren’s koan for this is, “Different is better than better.”

And Dan Kenendy says, “Sell escape, and not improvement.”

But doesn’t that mean setting your prospect up for a huge mistake? It certainly can. But if you are more forward-thinking than Gob Bluth, then you will water and prune your grassy knoll… so when your prospect arrives, all sweaty and winded, he will see the grass truly is greener there.

And now for something completely different:

I write a daily email newsletter. It can help you escape the dull and mundane workday for a few minutes. Click here to sign up.

Weird but effective pattern interrupts in current VSLs

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Perhaps you’ve seen those videos of hypnotized sharks.

They usually involve a guy on a boat, reaching like an idiot into the water where a massive great white shark is licking its chops. But the before the shark has a chance to rip off both hand and arm, the man grabs the shark by the nose.

The shark is stunned by this audacity. It won’t bite, it won’t move, in fact it looks entirely focused and absorbed on the tip of its nose.

From then on, the idiot in the boat can do whatever he wants with the shark.

I’ve noticed the same principle at work in a bunch of recent financial and investing VSLs.

Of course, no hand reaches out of the screen to grab you by the nose.

But at the very start of the video, instead of jumping into the promise or the pitch or the proof, all these recent VSLs do something weird. Literally weird.

Like showing a disembodied hand holding a mysterious document.

Or showing a standard deviation curve — “Probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but…”

Or showing $32 million in cash laid out on a table.

As you probably know, in any market, and in particular in markets hardest-hit by heavy advertising (like financial and investing newsletters), people will get jaded. Prospects become like that great white shark — ready to rip apart anything that smells familiar.

So marketers have to keep innovating and inventing.

Right now, these kinds of bizarre pattern interrupts, preceding an otherwise standard sales message, seem to be working very well. That might be something to keep in mind if you too sell in dangerous, shark-infested waters.

On a non-shark note:

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The “knitted eyebrows” copywriting technique

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If you ever wished you had the nerve to engage in more risk-seeking behaviors such as unprotected sex or high-stakes roulette, here’s some good news:

Scientists have found a way to help you out.

According to a study published by researchers at the University of Ohio earlier this summer, a 1,000-mg dose of acetaminophen — ie. Tylenol, Panadol, etc. — not only reduced physical pain such as headaches, but also increased risk-seeking behaviors in a batch of 545 college students.

So the next time you find yourself nervously turning away from a suspect sexual partner, or walking away from the big bets table at the Casino in Monte Carlo, just pop a couple Tylenol and you will be good to go.

You might think I’m being foolish or trivial, and perhaps you’re right. But there is a point I’m trying to get to, if only my fingers would follow my brain.

I’ve read somewhere, and I think the Tylenol study above supports it, that we humans have grafted modern brain processes onto old physical hardware.

In other words, when we have the intellectual or emotional experience of, say, trusting somebody, this is connected to physical sensation of warmth in our bodies. The link goes both ways — trust inspires warmth, and warmth inspires trust. (Again, some scientists have run experiments to prove this.)

Similarly, other human emotions such as fear, disgust, anger, and joy, can and do trigger — and are triggered by — physical cues.

“So why is this relevant to me,” I hear you asking as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

Well, if you’re in the business of writing some frightening or infuriating or energizing sales copy, your first move might be to reach for adjectives. Like “frightening.” Or “infuriating.” But that’s for kids.

What grownup copywriters do is pay attention to their own bodies.

​​Dry swallowing… gritted teeth… a fully expanded chest… these are just some of the hundreds of physical cues you can include in your copy, and play your readers’ emotions like a keyboard. ​​Or if you want them to focus and read on, just talk to them about their eyebrows knitting together.

Maybe your face is forming into a frown right now. But maybe you’re nodding along after your eyebrows have shot up. If your reaction is the latter, you might like to sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Super germ ideas for profitable ad formats

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3 years ago, an astronaut on the International Space Station bounced his way outside of the calm and protected interior so he could set up a little experiment in open space.

He left some bacteria on the outside of the station, in the cold, in the dark, only occasionally to be pummeled by murderous space radiation.

It turns out these resilient bacteria survived. I bring this up for two reason:

1) Scientists say this means life COULD have come from somewhere else than Earth, which would certainly explain how the platypus got its beak, and

2) Because I learned about this super bacteria from a stock footage, subtitled video on the BBC site today.

That was interesting to me. I realized this is where the format came from for the Facebook ads I’ve been writing a lot of.

These Facebook ads look and feel the same as the BBC videos. They are made of stock footage, with overlaid subtitles that tell a story. Except the story is not about space-riding bacteria, but about bamboo kitchen towels or silicone freezer bags.

And here’s why this might be relevant to you:

These stock footage video ads are doing very well on Facebook right now. They are outperforming other ad formats my clients are trying (and these guys do a lot of trying and testing).

So if you do any Facebook advertising, it might be worthwhile going on the BBC site and checking out some of these science videos to see what makes them tick, and how you can mimic the same.

And there’s a deeper message I want to leave you with:

If an editorial format is working for a massive site like the BBC, it’s a good idea to try to adapt it into an ad.

Regular articles and these stock footage videos are not the only formats that work for news sites. I can think of other ways that places like CNBC and CNN deliver content, which might be relevant for Facebook advertisers.

The point being, it makes sense to pay attention to your own news consumption. You might find the germ of an idea. That idea can start to spread and multiply… until it forms a colony of money-making ads for your business.

For more biologically inspired marketing ideas, you might like my daily email newsletter. In case you’re interested, put on your space suit, unlock the hatch door, and sign up here.

Getting comfortable copybragging on Facebook

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Speaking on a podcast recently, marketer and copywriter (though not freelance!) Chris Haddad had the following harsh truth to share:

“If I was a freelance copywriter, I would be posting on Facebook about copy all the time. And I would be posting all of my testimonials and all of my successes. Because that’s the gig. And if you can’t do it, you need to go out and do something else.”

Chris was saying how back in the day, what made him successful as a freelance copywriter is he was willing to go out and shout, “Hey I’m Chris Haddad and I’m fucking great.” But that kind of bragging causes a discomfort in his seat these days. It’s also one of the reasons Chris doesn’t offer any copywriting training.

What if you’re the same?

​​What if you have a fear of the spotlight, and you cannot imagine bragging about yourself on Facebook? And what if, unlike Chris, you haven’t yet reached the levels of success that allow you to say, you know what, I’ll do something else instead?

Well, I think you’ve got several options. Such as creating your own product in a non-marketing niche… or writing a daily email newsletter in hopes of establishing your credibility without bragging… or taking a page out of Sasha Fierce’s book.

Yes, Sasha Fierce.

​​Maybe rings a bell. Maybe no? It’s the alter ego that Beyonce created for herself in her early days. Here’s Beyonce:

“Usually when I hear the chords, when I put on my stilettos, like the moment right before when you’re nervous… then Sasha Fierce appears, and my posture and the way I speak and everything is different.”

Psychologists agree. By conducting experiments on children and the weak-willed, they have shown how inventing an alter-ego for yourself (or at least asking yourself, “What would Chris Haddad do?”) works wonders in changing your perspective, your resolve, and your behavior. Search online for the “Batman Effect” if you want to know more about this.

But for now, maybe it’s time to start inventing a braggartly Facebook alterego for your copywriting business. It might not be what you like to hear. But as Chris says, that’s the gig.

Some personal bragging:

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Why don’t people like salesmen?

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I was walking through the streets of an Eastern European capital this morning, when I heard a pleasant melody.

Keep in mind today is Saturday, and this morning at 9:51am there was practically nobody out and about.

But among some sycamores in the center, I heard an accordion playing. An old man had taken a bench by himself in an otherwise empty park, and was playing a nostalgic tune. He wasn’t playing for money. Just for himself.

I found this very pleasing. Better to sit outside in a warm and sunny park than to play your accordion in a tiny apartment with the neighbors banging on the wall to get you to quit.

But here’s the dark thought that occurred to me:

It wouldn’t be so quaint if the guy were playing for money. Then it would be desperate. Right? ​​Sitting in abandoned park, while everyone else is having breakfast at home, playing an accordion in the hope somebody will pass by and like your squeezing and buttoning enough to drop a few coins in your leather case. It’s like a scene from some 1950s Italian melodrama.

So what’s the moral of this story?

I’m not sure. But I think it has something to do with how people see you if you are in the position of selling yourself or your services, and in particular, of appearing needy.

Because selling something and appearing needy are not the same. But for many people and in many cases, they seem identical. That’s why salesmen are often so unpopular.

But you can get rid of the neediness and the stigma of salesmanship, while still continuing to sell.

There are lots of ways to get to this desirable place. The easiest in my opinion is to introduce standards — who you sell to, what you sell, how much you charge — and to not deviate from that. Suddenly the aura of desperation lifts from you, even if you could use a few extra coins in your leather accordion case.

For more tips for selling yourself and your services, you might like my daily email newsletter. It’s free. It’s for freelancers, copywriters, and business owners. And you can sign up for it here.

Sexy stories = dogs and cats living together

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“You could believe Mr. Pecker,” says Bill Murray, “or you could accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportion.”

That’s from a scene in the original Ghostbusters. The Ghostbusters are at the mayor’s office, trying to convince the mayor to let them do their work. But what’s this biblical proportion stuff?

Dan Aykroyd: “What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath-of-God-type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling…”

Harold Ramis: “40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes…”

Ernie Hudson: “The dead rising from the grave…”

Bill Murray: “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!”

Funny scene. But here’s something deadly serious:

Have you heard it’s good to include stories in your copy? That the human brain loves stories… and that stories have a way of sneaking around our inborn “So what?” and “Bullshit!” detectors?

It’s true. But here’s the deadly serious thing a lot of people fail to grasp. Your stories have got to be sexy. And what is sexy?

Well, all that stuff the Ghostbusters talk about.

Of course, maybe your story doesn’t literally involve fire and brimstone, or dogs and cats living together. So that’s where your job lies. Even if your story covers a mundane event, you’ve got to find the drama… the high stakes… the life and death in this situation. Fail to do so, and your sales letter is headed for a disaster of biblical proportion.

And here’s something even more deadly serious:

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A VSL lead idea from the Harmon Brothers Agora ad

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I watched the Harmon Brothers Agora video today.

​​You might know what I’m talking about. It’s a humorous, viral-style video by the same people who made the one for Purple Mattress — except this one is selling an Agora stock-picking service.

This video is deadpan because it moves so quickly. I counted 17 jokes — visual, verbal, and physical – in the first 60 seconds alone. That’s a joke every 3.5 seconds, and I might have missed some.

When I first saw this video, I thought it was mostly a ripoff of Will Farrell movies. But I now realize it’s actually inspired by The Simpsons, which had the same rapidfire sequence of jokes.

​​Each joke might not be spectacular in itself. But the jokes are staggered in such quick fashion and edited so tightly that your brain starts to play along.

Unfortunately, the type of humor in the Harmon Brothers video is hard to replicate in writing. Instead, this might be a good way to write a lead, particularly for a VSL in gotta-wow-em markets like bizopp or weight loss. Here’s the recipe:

Take everything you want to say, all your promises, open loops, proof, objections and rebuttals, and write an obnoxiously long lead. Don’t be shy. Then boil it down through merciless editing by at least 10%, preferably much, much more.

The resulting copy will have so much momentum, that even if none of your individual claims or promises is all that unique or impressive or believable, you will simply blitz your reader’s brain into sticking with you through the first few minutes. And that, as they say is, 50% of the battle.

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