Cialdini and the art of laptop maintenance

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I crossed a Rubicon of sorts yesterday.

I was helping my mom set up her new laptop. She just got the same Macbook as I have.

“My God,” I thought to myself, “it’s so clean.”

I’ve had my laptop for years and I’ve never once bothered cleaning the keyboard or screen. It was gross. So last night, when I got home, I took some wet wipes and spent 15 mins wiping down the screen, polishing the trackpad, getting in between the keys to get the accumulated grime and dust.

That was in the evening, in the dark.

This morning, I got up and saw the laptop in the light of day.

And no, all the scrubbing hadn’t ruined it or scratched it or corroded it.

But I did see it wasn’t perfectly clean still. So I got more wipes, and revisited all the same goddamn keys and the little strip above the keyboard and why won’t this foggy area on right side get polished?

Mind you, I had lived with a filthy laptop for years.

So why get obsessive now?

And why not be happy that my laptop is simply good enough, much cleaner, although not perfect?

I believe there’s a fundamental law of human nature at work here. It underlies my obsessive laptop cleaning… the massive success of companies like the Franklin Mint… and even the behavior of defecting American GI’s in Korean POW camps.

You’ve probably heard of this fundamental rule. It’s one of Robert Cialdini’s 6 pillars of INFLUENCE.

I’m talking about psychological consistency and the need for completeness.

It’s one of the reasons why people who have bought your product are the absolute best prospects for buying even more of your product.

Or buying a very similar, highly substitutable product.

Odds are, even if they don’t absolutely need it… they will want it, in order to be psychologically consistent with themselves.

That’s why, if you’re only selling one product to your customers one time, you’re missing out on a big opportunity.

But here’s some potentially good news.

If you want to find out about a risk-free, guaranteed way to make more sales to such customers at zero cost, you’ll want to read the third and final part of my upcoming book. More info here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

An ode to hate and burnout

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I worked late last night.

In fact, I worked from around 9:30am, into the afternoon, and, with a quick break to go for a swim, until around 10pm.

Along with working on my own projects, I had promised a client I would deliver some copy — an advertorial and a FB ad for a new product. And though it wouldn’t have been a major crisis had I not delivered last night, the promised deadline drove me to finish.

And I did. I got both the advertorial and the FB ad done. I was happy with the copy.

But I’m paying for it today. I feel burned out.

I’m staring at my feet.

Hours are passing and my daily todo list remains untouched.

I might fill up a bucket with ice water later and dunk my head in it over and over.

The point is that, for me, work never seems to get easier. I know I don’t deal well with long workdays. That’s why I’ve organized my life so I almost never have them. But even when I churn through my usual, not very taxing days, I have to will myself to work.

Even though I like my work.

Even though I’ve managed to create a comfortable life for myself by working this way.

In other words, even though I’ve “arrived” by any criterion I would have set for myself 5 years ago. This reminded me of something I’d read in a James Altucher post a few weeks ago:

I got an email, “You’re ugly. Shut the F up.”

It was the first time I got hate mail. I had an opinion about the stock market, wrote it, then got this email. It was 2002.

I showed a friend of mine. “That’s a badge of honor. It means people are paying attention to you.”

“Or it could just mean people think I’m ugly.”

Altucher writes that after almost 20 years of being in the spotlight, after 20 years of getting such messages, it still hurts him when people say hateful things to him. Which to me was reassuring. Here’s a guy who’s much further along than I am. And he still struggles.

I’m not sure that, with my fried brain today, I can formulate the point I’m trying to make. But there is a point. Maybe you can see it.

Anyways, if you’re looking to find out how I write advertorials, and how I manage to get the research and the writing squeezed down to its most efficient form, you might be interested in the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The bland conspiracy behind the Great Awokening

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I saw some statistics today about the use of certain phrases in the New York Times.

Woke terms and concepts such as “patriarchy,” “mansplaining,” “Islamophobia,” and “toxic masculinity.”

The trend is best illustrated by the term “racism,” which has been in widespread use for much longer than the others.

Various NYT articles referenced racism at a fairly even clip throughout the 80s, 90s, 2000s, and up to the early 2010s.

And then, there was a sharp spike.

So for comparison, in 2010, there were on average 5-6 articles in the NYT each day that mentioned racism.

Since 2016, it’s been more like 20-30.

What explains this explosion?

Well, there’s a conspiracy theory floating around that’s straight out of the 70s movie Network.

It says that the rich got nervous about all the attention being given to economic disparities in US society (remember Occupy Wall Street?). So godlike business magnates called in their big-media lackeys, and they said,

“Why do we pay you? So you can report on the growing revolt of the hundreds of millions of poor people in this country? No! Do something else and do it now. Focus on the blacks or the gays or the Mexicans, but not the poor!”

So there’s that explanation. And then there’s the much more bland non-conspiracy theory:

Throughout the 2000s, the print circulation of the NYT was steadily dropping.

At the same time, the newspaper was moving more of its content online.

But unlike a bunch of sheets of paper, a website will happily speak up and tell you what people read and what they respond to.

And just like with Faye Dunaway’s character in Network, it probably took only one intelligent, ambitious, and ruthless editor to take this information and conclude, “Give the people what they want! Give them polarizing stories. Reinforce their already-held beliefs. That’s how we’ll quadruple our digital subscribers.”

Whichever theory is true, I think there are lots of lessons here for you if you’re doing any kind of marketing online.

Particularly if you’re in anything resembling a mass or commodity market. Which is what I’ve been doing a lot of lately. And if you want my insights on how to write polarizing copy that quadruples your mass-market buyers, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to lose the pork belly without sweating or starving

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It might seem like nonsense at first blush.

But it’s possible to lose fat — not just weight, but fat — without sweating your heart out or starving yourself to the brink of insanity.

The secret is olive oil.

If you’re a health-conscious person, maybe you think I’m just telling you to switch to a Mediterranean diet.

Or that the “antioxidants” in olive oil will somehow cause fat to melt.

Or that there’s some magic in the monounsaturated fatty acids, as compared to the usual butter or lard or canola oil or sunflower oil.

Well, it’s none of those things.

In fact, I’m talking about a kettle of fish that’s so different you will never spot it in a pet shop.

If you’re interested in finding out what I have in mind, then Google the late Seth Roberts and his Shangri-La diet.

Because I’m not really here today to talk about weight loss. Instead, I wanna talk copywriting.

And specifically, I wanted to share with you an “unlikely solution” lead (ahem, above) that I saw in a magalog by Parris Lampropoulos (Parris was making the same claim but with yoga, not olive oil).
​
Anyways, here’s how you do the lead:

1. It might seem crazy but [here are the benefits] — [without the usual crap].

2. The secret? [unlikely solution].

3. [List typical objections].

4. None of these are true!

And here’s the thing. This formula doesn’t actually have to be the lead. You can insert it wherever you decide to introduce your product.

Such as for example, after an opening story, or after you’ve badmouthed the alternatives.

This is something I’ll try in an upcoming advertorial.

Speaking of which, I’m working on my guide to writing story-based advertorials. If you want to get notified when it’s out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials

The Bugsy Siegel “take my gun” way to build vision

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I started watching Bugsy last night.

It’s a Barry Levinson movie starring Warren Beatty as Ben Siegel (don’t call him “Bugsy” unless you want a sock in the jaw).

Bugsy (all right, he’s dead) is a big-time mobster from New York who comes to Hollywood to expand his business.

And so he goes to meet a local crime boss (right across the street) and gives him two options. “Option one,” says Bugsy, “is you come to work for me. We take 75%, you get 25%, which has got to be worth at least three times what your 100% is worth now.”

“And option two?” asks the local crime boss.

Here Bugsy pulls out his gun. The whole room stands up on alert (Bugsy is alone, the local crooks are a dozen). “No, no, don’t worry,” Bugsy says amiably. “Here, take it.” And he shoves his gun into the local crime boss’s hands and points it at himself.

The local crime boss looks confused for a second. Finally, he says, “What, I gotta kill you?”

Bugsy again smiles and nods his head.

The negotiation concludes, and the Hollywood crime boss is now part of the Bugsy Siegel organization.

I thought this scene was a great illustration of how to build vision (a cornerstone of the Jim Camp school of sales and negotiation). The vision in this case is not that the local crime boss would have to commit a murder. The vision instead is that Bugsy (and his associates) are fearless, crazy, and will stop at nothing to get what they want.

I’ve found that the most effective ways to build vision are often this simple and surprising.

It’s something to keep in mind if you’re negotiating or trying to sell. And as I’ve written before (“The sink-or-swim sales close”), this kind of “take my gun” approach can work in building vision in copy as well. If you want to read about that, here’s the link to that ancient post:

https://bejakovic.com/sink-swim-sales-letter-close/

How to gull your copywriting clients

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Did you know “gullible” is not a real word?

“Gull,” however, is a real word. As in, “to gull your clients.” It describes a fun, easy, and profitable way to run a copywriting business.

Here’s a day-by-day checklist for how to do so, taken from a real-life master of the craft (more on him below):

[day 0] take a 4-figure, 50% down payment for a copywriting project

[day 6] reschedule client meeting due to “email issues”

[day 7] get caught in a tropical storm, reschedule meeting again

[day 9] deal with storm repair issues, reschedule

[day 10] try moving to a larger metropolitan area to regain stable Internet connection, reschedule

[day 17] contract bronchitis

[day 18] reschedule

[day 19] allow the bronchitis to flare up into full-blown
pneumonia, reschedule as needed

[day 21] start feeling a bit better, promise to start work soon

[day 28] start working during rare gaps not taken up by hospital visits. Do NOT deliver any copy

[day 32] notify client that the initial approach at copy wasn’t good. Tear it up. Start over

[day 38] notify client you’re making your way through all the materials he’s provided

[day 43] stop responding to client’s emails

[day 48] stop responding to client’s Skype and LinkedIn messages

[day 49] stop picking up up the phone or responding to client’s voicemails

[day 50] have your girlfriend (or virtual assistant, it’s complicated) contact the client to let him know you are out of town until next Friday

[day 55] ignore client emails stating the project has been canceled and asking for a refund

[day 56] notify client of pneumonia relapse, which you have been covering up for fear of appearing sickly or weak. Convince client to give you a second chance

[day 57] notify client that now, “with all the pieces in hand, it shouldn’t be a very time intensive endeavor at all.”

[days 62-67] reschedule client meeting several times, but do not at any point get on a call with the client

[day 69] promise to have the copy ready “by mid-week”

[day 72] institute complete radio silence
[days 73-88] firmly maintain radio silence

[day 89] notify client you will take legal action unless he stops badmouthing you online

Like I said, this checklist has been distilled from a real-life copywriter-client interaction. ​​I found out about it on a website put up by the gulled client.

​​Since I only know the client’s side of the story, I won’t name the copywriter in question. You can figure it out without too much trouble if you want.

But why do I bring this up?

Well, if you’re a copywriter, I believe the above checklist gives you a solid place to start a profitable copywriting practice. Even if you’re a newbie and don’t have much experience yet.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to hire a copywriter, then the above checklist lets you know what you can expect when working with a pro.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to tell when you’ve run into such a pro.

No amount of social proof, testimonials, samples, certifications, or even personal interviews is a guarantee of avoiding him.

Perhaps the one thing you can look for is whether this is a person who actually writes. And who’s willing to do it day in and day out. Such as, for example, by putting out daily emails or blog posts. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a start.

Speaking of which, if you are looking for a sales copywriter, get in touch with me and we can talk.

But beware. If we wind up working together, I ask for 50% of the fee upfront.

Why practice does not make perfect

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I just read that a guy named Justin Blackman forced himself to write 100 headlines a day for 100 days.

Result?

Writing got easier by the end, and he feels he got better at the headlines.

I’m sure the first is true. The second might well be true.

But it also reminded me of something I’d heard from Parris Lampropoulos, one of the most successful copywriters working over the past few decades (he’s been paid a million dollars in royalties for a single sales letter — multiple times over).

“Practice doesn’t make perfect,” says Parris. “Practice makes permanent.”

If you’re moving in the wrong direction, then more practice just means you will be building up bad habits that will be harder to break down the line.

It will help you build confidence, yes.

But then one day, when you find yourself in a smokey roadside bar and two dangerous-looking biker-types start harassing your girlfriend, you’ll walk over, shake your shoulders loose, crack your neck, and say, “Guys, you don’t wanna do this. Because I’ve seen Steven Seagal handle this exact situation, and I’ve practiced his move 100 times a day for 100 days.”

So how do you avoid building up bad copywriting habits?

Well, the same way you avoid winding up in the gutter with a broken jaw. One option is you find people who have proven themselves in the skill you want to learn (think Daniel Cormier, and not Steven Seagal), and you do exactly what they tell you to do.

Another option is you pick fights on the street, but with people you feel you can handle. Sure, you might get a black eye or a bloody nose now and then, but if you adjust and learn from the beatings you get, you will slowly progress and build habits that work.

Or, of course, you can choose to do both. Which is what I’ve done and continue to do. Because practice is important. But deliberate, meaningful practice, and not just Steven Seagal’s patented trachea grab.

Anyways, if you need some of that copy jiujitsu to flip your customers upside down so change starts falling out of their pockets, get in touch with me and we can talk.

Russian bankers, fraudulent contracts, and copywriting

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True story:

Back in 2008, a Russian man named Dimitry Agarkov got the world’s best credit card deal.

Initially, Agarkov got an offer in the mail for a credit card from an online outfit called Tinkov Bank.

Agarkov read the contract, and was shocked that the interest rate was 45%. Not very attractive. So he scanned the contract into his computer and altered the terms.

0% interest.

Unlimited balance.

A fine of 3 million rubles (around $100K at the time) every time the bank failed to play by these rules.

A fine of 6 million rubles if the bank tried to cancel the contract.

Agarkov then printed out his slightly altered contract, signed it, and mailed it in to Tinkov Bank. The contract was promptly accepted, and Agarkov got his credit card, 0% interest and all.

This shows you just how much people love to read boring-as-beans stuff.

It’s easy to not pay attention even when it’s your job and big money is on the line.

So what to do? Well, all the standard copywriting and marketing advice applies:

Repeat your message often.

Don’t take it for granted your audience hears you.

Keep it simple.

Keep it easy on the eyes.

Tell stories instead of using legalese.

Anyways, back to the story of Dmitry Agarkov:

Tinkov Bank challenged him in court. But no soap. The court upheld Agarkov’s contract, because it was in no way fraudulent.

Agarkov then sued Tinkov Bank for 24 million rubles, about $700K at the time, for not honoring the contract and breaking the agreement.

The suit was eventually withdrawn, because Agarkov said the joke had gone too far. That, plus the veiled threats from the owner of Tinkov Bank made him fear for his life.

Can you make veiled threats to your own customers to get them to buy? No? Then better try the softer kind of persuasion like I listed above. And if you want my input on how to do that, simply fax me a contract. Or just write me an email.

The fake search for the true you

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There’s a service in Europe called BlaBlaCar.

It’s a kind of decentralized, Wild-West, long-distance Uber.

I’ve taken it many times when shuttling from one eastern European metropolis to another, and it’s always been a good experience.

Except once.

Once, I was set to go with a Hungarian woman.

She was two hours late and didn’t think to apologize.

Instead, she started complaining immediately about how difficult life is and how nobody understands her troubles.

This went on for a couple of hours.

And then, for a break, she put on a 40-minute infomercial by Deepak Chopra, M.D.

The product being sold was some kind of “law of attraction” course. “Once you strip away all the nonsense,” Dr. Deepak seemed to be saying, “once you uncover the true you, then the universe will start to work with you instead of against you.”

Want a promotion at work? Find the true you.

Lonely and unlovable? Find the true you.

Mountains of credit card debt? Find the true you.

Eventually the Hungarian woman dropped me and the other Blabla passenger — a frustrated Spanish girl who missed a reunion with her friends because of the two-hour delay — on the outskirts of Budapest.

I was glad to get out of the car and away from the brainwashing of Deepak Chopra, M.D.

Because I think this “true you” stuff is nonsense.

And not just because finding the true you won’t help you get a promotion or make more money or magnetically attract an attractive mating partner.

Instead, I think the whole idea of your true self is fake. I’m not sure what the real truth about our “selves” is. But I know from observing myself and from observing other people that we are very different people throughout the day. Sometimes from moment to moment. If we’re hungry, if we’re reading the news, if we’re talking with one friend rather than another. In each of those situations, a different self takes life.

But maybe you’re not into this kind of philosophy stuff. So let’s talk turkey.

I once had a client selling a “male enhancement” info product. We’ll call it by the codename JELQ4LIFE.

In order to sell this product, he decided to run ads on Pornhub. You know, where bored, sexually frustrated guys go to watch men with much larger penises terrorize small women.

I advised against it. Sure, many guys on Pornhub might be interested in a 200-page JELQFORLIFE ebook, sold through a 15-page sales letter. Maybe, when they are in a different mental state. But not when they are bored or impatient or primed by having watched 15 porn videos.

But my client insisted. Aaaand…

It bombed completely. Lots of random clicks. A few optins. Zero sales. (I hate being right all the time.)

This is an extreme example. But it applies just as well to more mundane businesses that advertise their products by running straightforward “Here’s our exciting product!” ads on Facebook, or Instagram, or Pinterest…

The people these businesses are reaching with their ads might have the same social security number as their target audience — but they are not the same people in that moment.

That doesn’t mean you cannot reach those people. But you’ll have to think a little bit in order to avoid wasting your ad money. And if you want my ideas on how you can do this, write me an email and we can continue to talk turkey.

Why I don’t stress about the “big idea”

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Once upon a time, I read a thought-provoking article by multimillionaire copywriter, marketer, and investor Mark Ford.

Mark’s article was titled, “Why Every Copywriter Needs a Big Idea”.

As you might know, the BIG IDEA is a very hot and trendy topic in copywriting circles these days. Mark even says the big idea might be the “best direct-marketing technique of them all.”

Woof! ​​So what exactly is it?

Well, let me give you a few examples. There are a couple of “big idea” promotions that almost everyone agrees on —

1. Mike Palmer’s “The end of America” (the growing debt of the US government will lead to catastrophic consequences, buy our investment newsletter to figure out how to protect yourself)

2. Porter Stansberry’s “New railroad” (the rail made fortunes in the 19th century, fiber-optic cables can do it today, buy our investment newsletter to get our stock picks)

Those two promotions most often get hoisted up on the flagpole of the Republic of the Big Idea.

However, explaining what exactly makes a big idea big depends on who you ask. For example, Mark gives the following four-part definition:

A big idea is important, exciting, beneficial, and leads to an inevitable conclusion.

Sounds reasonable.

But when it comes to applying this definition in practice, that’s when things seem to get almost mystical, or as Mark puts it, Yoda-like.

​​(​​At one point, Mark even makes a distinction between a “big concept” and a “big idea”. Unravel that for yourself.)

The upshot is that I personally don’t stress about the big idea.

One reason is that I’m not sure what it really means.

Another is that I get the sneaking suspicion that a big idea is simply an idea that worked — which copywriting teachers, gurus, and coaches then retroactively mystify as part of their job.

Finally, I think that the big idea, as illustrated by the examples above, is only NEEDED in markets in the end-stages of sophistication — those markets that are so wary of hearing anything resembling a pitch that they need to be seduced and lulled by a new and surprising approach.

For example, that’s how the financial newsletter market is, like in the examples above.

But those aren’t the kinds of that I often write in.

So instead of stressing about the big idea, I simply look to come up with a hook — a story, a big benefit, a metaphor, a conundrum — to suck the reader in and to get him reading more.

​​And many times, whether that qualifies as a big idea, a big concept, or merely a sales hook, it’s good enough for me to make sales, even on cold, unfriendly traffic.

So if that’s something you do — running offers to cold traffic — then I hope you have reached an inevitable conclusion by now.

​​And I hope you want to talk about important and exciting ways to benefit your business.

​​If so, simply write me an email and we can take it from there, on a new railroad across America.