Hidden gold inside crap online properties

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Last week, I wrote about about my plans to start rehabbing distressed online properties. To which a reader named Josh wrote:

“It seems like the only enduring ‘property’ aspect of a ‘web property’ is its rank on the Googles. The other aspects — web design, copywriting, product development, etc. — are all ‘disposable’ parts in the sense that an underperforming site will likely need a clean sheet in those areas.”

Actually, I can think of a half dozen “gold” assets that a crap online business can have. Each can be worth many times what you pay for that business.

I shared three specific such assets with my email subscribers. But even if you have no interest in flipping blogs and online stores… this is something you should think about.

Because if you have a business, chances are you have too unused assets.  Don’t leave those assets unused, and don’t wait for a hostile private equity takeover. As Jay Abraham says, get everything you can out of all you’ve got.

But what if you got no business? What if you’re a lowly copywriter looking for work?

In that case, your chances of getting hired (or rehired) are much better if you know a bit about marketing.

Like Dan Kennedy said in that quote I shared a few days ago… you don’t need to be brilliant. Just know enough to pull out some hidden value from your clients current business… and you will look like a genius.

But maybe you’re wondering what gold assets a crap business could possibly have. Like I said, I only shared this with my email subscribers. If you’d like to get on my email newsletter, here’s where to go.

Welcome to the Jung

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After a month and a half in an empty coast town, I’m back in a city. So I put a note in my phone to write today’s post with the headline “Welcome to the jungle.” But my phone thought different. It changed it to “Welcome to the Jung” instead. Let’s see where that goes.

I recently read an article about psychologist Carl Jung. In his later days, Jung believed the universe is full of meaningful coincidences. He called this synchronicity. He gave an example:

During a therapy session, one of Jung’s patients was talking about her dream. She dreamt a golden beetle. Right then, Jung looked out his office window and spotted a golden beetle. Synchronicity.

Maybe you’re like me, and you don’t think the universe cares what you think or you do. Or that it’s sending you coded messages. Or setting up golden beetles to thrill and surprise you.

Even so, you can get a lot of use from taking chance events and running with them.

For example, some of my favorite creators — people like Brian Eno, David Lynch, Philip K. Dick — made randomness a key part of their work.

Philip K. Dick wrote The Man in the High Castle using I Ching divination. He used it to figure out where the plot should go.

David Lynch was shooting the pilot to Twin Peaks when a set dresser accidentally got in the frame. Lynch decided not to throw the take away. Instead he kept the set dresser in the show and made him the main villain, Bob.

And Brian Eno has a whole system for adding randomness to his work. It’s a set of cards called Oblique Strategies. You draw a card at random, and it gives you a hint about how to move forward with your project.

So here’s what I want to leave you with:

If you ever worry you won’t come up with good ideas, take the pressure off yourself.

Integrate some randomness into your process, and adapt. You will come up with better ideas than you could if you just lock your brain away in a room and tell it to work.

In other words, Jung’s synchronicity might not be real — but you can make it so.

Now how’s this for terms:

You can subscribe to my email newsletter. If you like the first email I send you, keep going. Otherwise, unsubscribe right then and there. If you like those terms, click here to try my emails out.

My first ever copywriting job

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Today I paid somebody $25 to photoshop a corona mask onto a picture of Samuel L. Jackson.

Now I’m no Jack the Photoshopper, but this doesn’t sound like a tremendous task. And $25 for it seems neither a little nor a lot.

The interesting thing is this all happened on Fiverr. That’s where I got my start in copywriting, back when Obamas still roamed the West Wing. My first job was a 7-part autoresponder sequence, Andre Chaperon-style, about an ebook on disciplining your cat.

I had no trouble getting work on Fiverr. But back then, the default was still $5 for a task. In spite of all the people hiring me, I couldn’t make that work. After 2-3 months, I moved on to Upwork.

If you’re a newbie freelancer and you have no other avenues for getting your first client, Fiverr might be a more viable option. If that’s what you want to do, how do you get started?

I shared 6 tips for succeeding on Fiverr with my email subscribers. These were based on my time on the platform, and I think they are pretty unique. Unfortunately, you missed that boat. But if you like, you can still subscribe to my email newsletter, so you don’t miss out again in the future.

A warning about success from an anti-establishment Jeremiah

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Andy Warhol said, “Always leave them wanting less.”

In that spirit, today I want to share a long quote with you. It comes from Jason Leister, who is a copywriter and used to write about dealing with freelancing clients… but has now become an anti-establishment Jeremiah, all the way down to renouncing his American citizenship.

Anyways, the following quote from Jason felt like a warning to me. I want to pass on the warning to you too, in case you deal with clients or customers, or you expect to one day:

There’s the “success” that leads to more work for more money.

Then there’s the “success” that leads to less work for more money.

If your business is currently structured so that more “success” simply leads to more work, then ask yourself if that’s the right direction for you. If it’s not, figure out a way to change that sooner than later.

Does that leave you wanting less? Or more?

If more, then you might like to subscribe to my email newsletter. It arrives every day and many people find it overwhelming.

 

In the land of the warm-bathers, the November swimmer is a hero

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One morning in late November, I decided to go swimming in the sea. I got to the shore, stripped down to my swimming panties, and started to hop on the cold stones towards the water.

An old woman walking her dog stopped to watch, mouth agape.

“You’re going in?” she asked.

“I am,” I said.

“But it’s cold!”

“We will see.”

I got in the water, swam a minute or two, and got out. The old woman was still there. She was thrilled I had survived. “You are a hero!” she shouted, clapping her hands.

I shrugged it off. “It was nothing.”

It really was nothing. The water wasn’t cold at all. It was probably warmer than the Pacific Ocean in California gets in July. Only the locals in this country, who refuse to get in the sea unless the sun has brought it to a low boil, could crown me a hero for going for a swim now.

Which connects to something I read today in a Dan Kennedy sales letter. The sales letter is selling a course on how to become a more successful copywriter.

At one point of this sales letter, Dan gives the reader reasons NOT to buy his course. One reason he gives is that you really don’t have the chops to do decent work, and to deserve a decent wage. In that case, Dan says, maybe you should stick to only the smallest clients, and only the most limited projects.

Has that thought ever crossed your mind? If it has, I want to leave you with what Dan writes next:

“You should remember copywriter John Francis Tighe’s favorite admonition: in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. You need only know more than the client and enough to produce results he could not get on his own. You do not need to know more than every copywriter, most copywriters. If that governed, there’d never be more than one working copywriter, period.”

Check it:

If you want regular copywriting tips, which occasionally touch on the business of copy, you might like my email newsletter.

Gimmick positioning

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The Schmo and The Pro is a series of YouTube video interviews.

The Pro in this case is a professional mixed martial artist, usually signed to the UFC.

The Schmo is the interviewer. He’s a youngish guy, wearing BluBlocker sunglasses… dressed in a patterned Hugh Hefner-style blazer…. and sporting a Zangief haircut.

When the Schmo asks his well-researched and reasonable questions, he bares his teeth. He twists his face out of shape. He makes claw-hand gestures.

It’s an example of gimmick positioning. In other words, a Mickey Mouse coat hanger to hang your product/service/hat off.

Stupid right? Why would anyone want to humiliate themselves by hiding behind a gimmick?

Well, how about a million dollars:

Copywriter Will Ward recently turned me on to the story of Blue Kirby. It’s some anonymous guy’s Twitter handle.

All summer long, Blue Kirby posted memes related to a crypto project, creating a ton of hype.

A few months later, Blue Kirby cashed in on the hype and disappeared. Along with about a million dollars’ worth of ethereum in his digital pocket.

Now it’s possible this could have been done by just some guy using his real name, say, Jesse McAverage.

But my gut feeling is the Blue Kirby gimmick was instrumental in the attention this guy got… and the million dollar bubble he was able to create.

In case I have your attention now, maybe you’re wondering how somebody — not you, of course — might go about creating a gimmick for himself.

Well… I shared a few ideas about this with my Bejakomaniacs. That’s the name I’ve just coined for subscribers to my email newsletter, following the example of Hulk Hogan. If you too would like to be in the rank of Bejakomaniacs, so you get all my positioning ideas, here’s where to go.

Obnoxious writing, or, the harsh mathematics of direct response

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Amazing. Free. New. Breakthrough.

Fascinating. Shocking. Secret.

Now.

I’ve started keeping a list of highly inflammatory direct response words.

You can see some of them above. There’s no sense in me sharing the rest. Everybody who is in this business has to pluck these words up for him or hoyself. And then comes the hard part:

You have to actually use them.

I say “hard part” because chances are you are a little like me.

Maybe you find typical direct response writing obnoxious.

Maybe you say, I would never read this, much less buy this “easy genius opportunity.”

Maybe you think you can be the one to talk to people modestly and simply… and convince them with your earnest speech to listen.

Maybe you can.

I certainly cannot.

After years of writing copy for money, the harsh mathematics of direct response is slowly dawning on me.

A typical sales letter goes out to thousands or hundreds of thousands or millions of people.

If only 98 out of 100 of those people look at your sales letter and say, “Ugh”… then you’ve done good, as long as the remaining 2 buy.

And if a measly 95 out of each 100 people think your writing is obnoxious and repulsive… while those remaining 5 didn’t notice, because you put them in a drooling trance… then you’ve got a ticket to ride.

Speaking of repulsive, maybe that’s what you should focus on the next time you write copy.

​​Rather than trying to appease people who are offended by ugly, hard-hitting, direct response copy… maybe you should actively aim to drive them away. Because as marketer Ben Settle reports:

“In fact, I have found the more I repel the people I don’t want, the more I automatically turn on the people I do. And the more I do this, the more my sales go up. The less I do it, the less my sales go up.”

In closing:

I have an email newsletter. If you are just looking for “swipes,” then subscribing to my newsletter won’t do you any good. Save yourself the effort. However, if you are a business owner who wants to hear what’s working now, at least with the clients I work with… or if you are a copywriter who is interested in those genius secrets of the business… then you may get some value out of it. Here’s where to go to subscribe.

Burn objections out of your prospect’s mind using nothing more than a tiny success

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What’s the Spanish word for “different”?

I don’t speak Spanish. But here’s a trick:

When a word in English ends in “ent,” you can tack on an “e” at the end. More often than not, you get the right Spanish word.

So try it now.

Tack an “e” onto “different.” You get “differente.” And that’s how the Spanish and about 200 million South Americans would say it in their own tongue. Same with persistente, permanente… you get the gist.

With a few simple rules like that, an English speaker gets around 3,000 words in Spanish for free.

Not bad. Definitely enough for basics of conversation. Also more than most adult language learners ever manage to memorize.

I learned about this in a teach-yourself-Spanish course called Language Transfer. This course is available for free online. But if it wasn’t… everything I just told you would be a hell of a thing to put into a sales letter to promote and sell this course.

Because demonstration is the most powerful form of proof.

And if you can demonstrate to your prospect that he’s already on his way… then much of his skepticism and doubt will disappear.

By the way, this is not limited to language learning only.

As just one example, there’s Gene Schwartz’s famous “BURN DISEASE OUT OF YOUR BODY” ad. It ran successful for over 20 years. I’m sure that part of its success was that, under subhead three, it gives you an exercise you can try for yourself. “Sit or stand, with your hands simply extended in front of your chest…” You will feel the energy flowing, and your heart getting stronger.

One final point:

You don’t need to give away the farm. Just give your prospect a tiny success, right there on the sales page. If you can do that, you will burn objections out of his mind. What’s going to be left is an innocent and pure desire to buy your product… and find out what else it can do.

Ok, now for business:

I write an email newsletter about marketing and persuasion. If you like, click here to subscribe to it.

Wounded children walking

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“Every man you’ve ever known, loved, and trusted has lied to you.”

That was the sentence that Chris Haddad tacked on at the front of one of his VSLs in the relationship niche. Chris says this one sentence doubled conversions.

So what’s going on?

Well, the sentence is shocking. And shocking pattern interrupts work well at the start of a VSL to attract attention. But there’s more to it than that.

I heard a successful copywriter say that if you take a product’s features, you can ask “So what?” to get to the benefit of that feature.

And you can ask “So what?” again, to get to the benefit of that benefit.

And you can keep asking the same “So what?” question… until you get to the end. And the end is always the same:

“So I can feel better about myself.”

This same copywriter summed it up with a self-help quote. “We are all wounded children walking around in adult bodies.”

For somebody who’s in the direct response relationship market, that wound might be a broken promise or rejection or harm early on in life… which has trailed this person like a hungry shadow ever since.

In other parts of the direct response world, the wound might be something different.

But everybody — at least everybody who’s of interest to you if you write copy — has such a wound. And if you can address it right at the start of your message, like Chris did with his VSL… then the right people will listen.

Listen:

I have an email newsletter where I write about persuasion and copywriting. If you consider yourself to be a smart, ambitious person, and you have uncomfortably high standards for yourself… then you might find it valuable. You can subscribe here.

To freelance copywriters who can’t promote themselves

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Smartasses always say that if you’re a freelance copywriter worth a rusty nickel, you should be able to write and sell yourself.

Stupid, I think.

For one thing, it ignores the value of having an outside perspective. In fact, outside perspective is one of the main reasons to ever work with a freelancer, rather than do it in house. This holds for businesses. It holds for freelance copywriters too.

The above claim also ignores the facts of life. Such as the fact that the type of person who is likely to become a freelance copywriter is as afraid of self-promotion as a cat is afraid of water.

When you put those two together, you get the following:

You can be just great at marketing and copywriting overall… but terrible at applying that same knowledge to promoting yourself.

Case in point:

I read an email today from a marketer I follow and like very much. He has great content and a unique perspective and style.

But here’s the self-marketing mental block:

At the end of his email, he writes, “Can I ask for a tiny favor? Would you share this with one other person?”

From the side, it’s easy to point out problems with this.

It sounds needy. And why ask for a favor, when you can do a favor?

People refer stuff because they want to feel important, smart, and appreciated. So why not say something like,

“Do you know somebody who would benefit from reading what you just read? Why not be that cool friend, and forward them this email?”

As Claude Hopkins once wrote, “offer a privilege, not an inducement… appear as a benefactor, not as a salesman.”

Do you know anyone who might benefit from reading this? Then be a cool friend, and let them know about my email newsletter.