The shiny object psychopath in the mirror

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I read an article once about a neuroscientist who discovered he was a psychopath.

He was conducting a study and examining a bunch of brain scans.

Some of normal people, some of known psychopaths.

Murderers…

Rapists…

Successful Internet marketers.

And then, I think by accident, he also looked at his own brain scan, which was there on his desk as part of another study.

The verdict was clear:

The parts of his brain responsible for empathy and morality showed “significantly decreased activity.” He was a clear-cut psychopath.

“Whaddya know?” he said, and went on with his life as usual. ​​

Well, I had an experience like that a few days ago.

I was doing research on a market that involved a lot of business opportunity seekers, AKA “shiny object junkies.”

These people tend to fly from opportunity to opportunity, never completing a project, always believing that the next course or seminar they buy will finally set them on the path to “financial freedom.”

And while I was reading the various stories and testimonials of these unfortunate souls…

I had an unfortunate realization myself.

I might be a shiny object guy.

Not in everything, of course. I’ve made it work with copywriting, and I’ve been successful in several other areas in my life.

But with business stuff… the promise of the 4-hour work week… the magical idea of passive income… well, there I keep flitting between different projects, getting enthusiastic about the next new idea, and abandoning what I already have.

Maybe that doesn’t sound familiar to you. Or maybe it does. The point is I (and maybe you) can’t keep doing this.

The fix is simple.

You pick a project, build an asset (like a website), and let it accrue value on its own. But you have to build it up to a certain point rather than simply jumping to the next shiny thing.

Awareness of the problem is a good first step.

For example, the neuroscientist psychopath didn’t actually go on with his life as usual. I made that up. In reality, he decided to make a conscious change:

“I’ve more consciously been doing things that are considered ‘the right thing to do,’ and thinking more about other people’s feelings. At the same time, I’m not doing this because I’m suddenly nice, I’m doing it because of pride — because I want to show to everyone and myself that I can pull it off.”

So if you’ve got shiny object addiction, it’s ok. You can choose to move past it consciously. If for no other reason than to prove everybody wrong.

Just don’t be yourself

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“If you want success in whatever industry you are in — obviously find ways to hack it — but by being truly authentic, you do not have to gravitate to the world. The world will gravitate to you.”
— Andrew Schulz

It seems everybody’s talking authenticity.

“Just be yourself. That’s how I got successful.”

Only one problem:

You don’t hear the failures talking about the value of being authentic.

“Yeah man, I’m such a dull, needy, badly dressed guy… and judgmental and sexually timid to boot… but my dating life has NEVER been better. Since I really started to be my authentic, value-sucking self, girls are blowing up my phone each night, asking me to come over and play Mario Kart.”

It just doesn’t happen.

I think the reason why is obvious:

Authenticity only works if you are attractive. Or if you can write winning sales letters. Or whatever the criterion of success is in your field. An authentic potato is still a potato.

But contrary to what you might think, my point is not to rag on authenticity and suggest you should hate yourself or deny your inner drives and instincts.

I just think this talk about authenticity brings up a much bigger and more interesting issue.

And that’s that there are certain questions without a simple, straightforward answer.

So the question of, “How do you get successful?” has a two-part, contradictory answer.

1) Sometimes you gotta trust your gut and be yourself (authenticity).

2) Other times, you need to go against your instincts and respond to external feedback (self-improvement).

​When should you do 1 and when should you do 2? Well, that’s where it gets tricky.
​
This two-sided, yin-yang, beans-and-rice duality explains (to my mind at least) why we haven’t been able to conclusively answer some seemingly simple questions, even though smart people have been racking their brains on them for thousands of years.

In politics. In personal relations. In simple topics such as happiness and how you should live your life.

But anyways, maybe I’m getting too philosophical. I just wanted to point out that people love simple answers, and if you accept that sometimes there are no simple answers, you can actually save yourself a lot of grief and maybe even make better progress than if you continue to dig a deeper hole.

And with that, I’m signing off. ​​

If you need help with advertorials, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

And if you need entertainment for the moment, I can recommend going on YouTube and checking out a few minutes of Andrew Schulz’s comedy. He’s very authentic and he’s very funny, if you can get past his jackass stage persona.

10 steps to becoming a magnetic listener

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About 15 years ago, I read a biography of former World Bank president James Wolfensohn. It’s the first time I’d heard the term “magnetic listener.”

“Magnetic listener?” I thought. “What could be magnetic about it? You just sit there.”

Well, in the years since, I’ve done a fair bit of listening and I’ve worked on honing my skills. I’ve picked up some tactics from various sources, and I’ve noticed a few of my own natural tricks.

So for your enlightenment as well as for my own, let me write down 10 steps to becoming a magnetic listener (in no particular order):

#1. Challenge the speaker

Don’t just passively accept everything you hear. Do this after you’ve been listening for a while. “Hold on. How does this square with what you told me just a moment ago?”

#2. Continue the speaker’s train of thought

Think features vs. benefits, and get the speaker to explain the difference in their own words. “And why was that important?” “And what did that mean to you?”

#4. Keep eye contact

There’s no better way to show you’re giving the speaker your full attention. If they don’t break off the eye contact periodically while they are speaking (and most people will) then you should break it off for just a moment every so often. Otherwise, the situation might become sexual or confrontational.

#3. Call out any break in rapport

If you’re gonna take notes (not a bad idea), call it out. And still look up periodically to maintain eye contact and reassure the speaker that you’re fully engaged.

#5. Encourage the speaker to continue

“I see.” Nod. “Ok…” Nod. Only do this once they pause and they are looking for reassurance you want them to continue.

​​Don’t try to encourage while they are speaking because even a peep out of you (“Wow!”) can interrupt people and keep them from delivering useful info.

#6. Make anodyne comments to give the speaker permission to keep talking

Do this once they properly stop speaking, and you’ve used up your “Wow” and “I see” trump cards.

“So that’s how you [do what I just asked you about]…” Or you can repeat the last thing you said like you’re mulling it over like a fine wine. Or rephrase what they said — but do it superficially, and don’t try to show off your cleverness or insight.

The underlying psychology here is that people will often stop speaking out of politeness or wariness. They need your indirect permission to keep sharing more.

#7. Ask your questions as they come up

You’ll have to make a judgment call here. Sometimes it’s ok to interrupt people as they’re speaking because a) you will get better info by directing them than by allowing them to run on a tangent and b) it shows you’re really listening to them.

At the same time, don’t clutch to your questions so tightly that you stop listening to what the speaker is saying. You might miss valuable information. Be willing to let go of a question.

#8. Get to the real reason

This is the Frank Bettger technique. You listen as they explain. “I see. Is there any OTHER reason?” “What ELSE could you do?” This and the anodyne comments above are different ways of doing Jim Camp’s 3+ (asking the speaker in at least three different ways to explain or confirm the same point).

#9. Introduce a bit of your own input

Once people get to talking, they will fight for the right to keep talking. So give them something to fight against. “Oh, that’s interesting. It’s just like this one time that I was walking down the street, minding my own business…” The key here is to do it once they are already warmed up, and to be willing to drop your story as soon as they want to start talking again.

#10. Ask the speaker to repeat stuff

Do this to make sure you got everything right. Both for the information itself, and so you can focus on what they are saying instead of worrying that you missed something.

Plus, you can even do it as a psycho tactic — when you heard everything perfectly. “Wait, can you repeat that last bit?” It makes you look interested as well as unokay, which makes them okay by contrast.

And there you go. I’ve used these techniques while interviewing, while negotiating, and while seducing (or trying to).

Speaking of which (negotiating, I mean), I’m now working on a little guide that summarizes what I’ve learned about negotiating, specifically for freelancers, and even more specifically for freelance copywriters.

I’ll be giving this negotiation guide as a free bonus with my revamped book on succeeding as a freelancer on Upwork. In case you want to get notified when I make all this available, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

Ben Settle’s monkey business

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I saw a photo today and the caption read “Anti-Poachers Protecting Gorillas.”

The photo showed a black dude taking a selfie.

Behind him was a guy dressed in a very convincing gorilla outfit, but standing in a very ungorilla-like pose.

Specifically, he was standing completely erect, with his arms straight by his sides, a big beer belly jutting out.

“How is this gonna work?” I wondered. “Will this guy pretend to be a gorilla so the poachers come and try to shoot him? And then what?”

I got curious so I researched this story in more depth.

SHOCKER!

Turns out I was completely wrong.

That’s not a man in a convincing gorilla suit.

Instead, it’s a real gorilla standing in a very human-like pose.

It seems these anti-poachers in the Congo raised a couple of orphaned gorillas. And now that the gorillas are grown up, they completely imitate (ape?) their human parents.

So they stand up straight, walk around on two feet, and even pose for selfies.

Which got me thinking about the instinct for mimicking those around us, whether human or ape.

It’s such a fundamental part of the thought machine we know as the brain.

Resistance is futile.

And if you need proof, take for example email marketing guru Ben Settle.

Over the course of the past year, Ben has on several occasions warned his readers to disregard social proof when making a buying decision online.

Noble advice. Except…

Even though Ben is like the good friar going about the shire and sermonizing about the dangers of alcohol, he’s also back at the monastery brewing up some delicious ale that he sells at the Sunday market.

Specifically, at the end of July, Ben ran an aggressive campaign to promote his Email Players newsletter (I know because I was tracking and categorizing every email he sent out that month).

And so from Thursday the 25th to Monday the 29th, he sent out 10 emails. Each day followed the same pattern.

Morning: an interesting or intriguing email leading into a link to the Email Players sales page…

Afternoon: an email that was basically just a testimonial for Email Players. 5 testimonials over 5 days. Because they are too powerful not to use.

So in case you want to promote an offer aggressively over the span of a few days, maybe try mimicking this little sequence of Ben’s. I imagine he’s using it because he’s tested it and it works.

And if you don’t need emails, but you do need some advertorials, then fear not. The anti-poaching brigade is preparing a special report on the topic, which you can sign up for here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Kit Kat-flavored blog posts

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News from Japan:

Nestle will soon introduce creative new packaging for Kit Kat bars sold in the Land of the Falling Birth Rate.

Starting later this month, Japanese Kit Kats will come wrapped in origami paper, and will contain instructions for how to make your own paper cranes, planes, or Hello Kitties.

Nestle says this move is a step towards reducing the company’s plastic consumption.

Maybe.

But it probably serves at least some other devious function or two.

Especially when you consider the history of Nestle in Japan.

For example, back in the 1970s, Nestle was having trouble introducing coffee into this nation of tea drinkers.

So they consulted Clotaire Rapaille, at that time a psychoanalyst dealing with autistic kids, and now one of the foremost brand and marketing consultants in the world.

The trouble, Rapaille told Nestle, is that the Japanese don’t have any emotional imprinting when it comes to coffee.

The cigar-smoking executives at Nestle listened carefully.

And they soon came out with coffee-flavored candy that they started feeding to hapless Japanese kids.

The kids of course loved the candy. They formed positive associations with the flavor of coffee.

In another 10-15 years, those kids grew up, and coffee drinking in Japan became a thing. (Of course, Nestle was there, ready to cash in.)

This illustrates a fundamental rule of how the human brain works:

If you’ve got something new, the best way to get it into the brain is by tying it in with something that’s already there.

That’s how you get classics of positioning such as:

“Avis is only No. 2 in rent a cars. So we try harder.”

“7 Up: The Uncola”

But as Nestle shows, you don’t have to position yourself in relation to your competitors.

You can also tie in your product to other concepts or experiences in the mind, even if these seem to have little direct connection to the product you’re selling.

And this isn’t just relevant for big brand advertising. Like I said, it’s a fundamental rule of how the human brain works, and it applies just as well to positioning a direct marketing offer, and even to writing direct response copy.

Once you start looking out for it, you’ll see it everywhere. Maybe even in this blog post.

And you can use this same fundamental rule of psychology in advertorials, too. Too see how, grab a Kit Kat and consult the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The dangers of gratitude rituals

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I just got an email notifying me that today is “World Gratitude Day.”

I’m not buying it.

I think “gratitude” is just another mental virus spread by the overlords who run the Internet.

“But studies! They show that the happiest people all practice some form of gratitude!”

Studies also show that the most swole guy at the gym spends a lot of time mirin himself in the mirror.

Does that mean that a spindly ectomorph should try to put on muscle by a daily “mirroring” ritual?

No.

Without the genetics, the workouts, the diet, and possibly the synthetic hormones, no amount of mirror gazing will turn a skinny guy into Franco Columbu.

What it can do is just make him feel worse about being frail and underdeveloped.

Same thing with gratitude.

You might think I’m exaggerating. I’m not.

​​I tried practicing gratitude some years ago, back when the idea spread like wildfire through all the positive psychology blogs.

A “gratitude ritual” didn’t make me any happier.

It did make me feel like a bit of a hypocrite (“Am I really grateful that I had food to eat today? That beef stew wasn’t very good”) and it also made me feel more anxious than usual (“What’s wrong with me? Why amn’t I more grateful?”).

Conclusion: I’m personally offended by gratitude.

But that doesn’t matter none.

Because “gratitude” is still a massive worldwide trend.

And that’s something all marketers should carefully track.

At least if you want to make money in riding that trend, or in recognizing when it might be coming to a close.

I think the gratitude train is slowly running out of steam.

But if that’s true, something else will come and replace it soon.

Watch out for that and it might make you some money.

In the meantime, if you want to celebrate “World Gratitude Day” by treating yourself to some insightful info on writing ecommerce advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Polishing unfixably bad copy

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Today I found myself sitting on the floor, my notebook next to me, a bunch of index cards sprawled out all around.

I was working on a wooden first draft of a piece of sales copy.

However many times I attacked it, it wasn’t getting any better.

It practically screamed “amateur.”

And I imagined that if I ever wind up delivering this to the client, they will virtually crumple it up and throw it in my face.

In these kinds of moments, I remind myself of something I heard in an interview with Parris Lampropoulos.

Parris is one of the most successful copywriters working over the past few decades.

Even so, he doesn’t produce winning copy straight out the gate. Says Parris (I’m paraphrasing cause I can’t find the interview where I heard this):

“When I first sit down and write the bullets, I always think I’ve lost it. They’re terrible. Everybody will find out I’m a fraud. Then I rewrite the bullets once, and I think, maybe I will be able to get away with it. Third and fourth rewrite, they’re starting to look pretty damn good.”

So if somebody who’s as successful, proven, established, revered, and experienced as P-Lamp still gets feelings of doubt and sees his first draft as unfixable shit, then maybe you and I can also do the same.

As long as we also put in the work to, like Parris, rewrite the shit until it becomes surprisingly good.

Which is what I’m doing now.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

If you need some help writing immaculate advertorials (not straight out the gate, but with a bit of polishing), then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

17 good reasons to hit a woman

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I just watched a comedy special by a guy named Bill Burr.

He’s apparently one of the biggest comics in the world for the past 10 years, but since I’m like a hermit, I hadn’t heard of him until a few days ago.

Anyways, during the special, Bill dances on the razor’s edge for just over an hour.

He gets so close to incredibly divisive, controversial, and dangerous topics that it took my breath away.

“Black people never got the memo that you have to register your weapons.”

“Goldgigging whores are bringing down great men.”

“I’m not saying anybody should ever hit a woman, but you can’t deny there are good reasons. I can think of 17 of them right now.”

(By the way, I’m paraphrasing all of these bits, but that was the basic gist.)

I bring this up because comedy and copywriting have so much in common. And after listening and reading about copy and marketing for years, I now find I often get better ideas by watching comics, and listening to them analyze their work, than by listening to yet another copywriting seminar.

Now, there’s decades worth of work that goes into producing and polishing a comedy special like Bill Burr put out.

But some of the fundamentals are obvious.

And that’s what I want to point out today, for your benefit as well as my own.

Point 1: Think about where you stand. Bill Burr isn’t just saying things because they are shocking and provocative. He’s saying them because he genuinely believes them, at least in my impression. The thing is, even though he’s saying napalm-level-incendiary stuff, he’s thought through his point well enough, and he’s got enough good arguments (presented in a funny way), that you at least have to hear him out. And he definitely has your attention.

Point 2: Don’t back down. Once he says something crazy and provocative, there’s no weakness in Bill Burr. He has this grin on his face all the time, and even when he says, “I can think of 17 good reasons to hit a woman,” the grin doesn’t change. And neither does his delivery. Or the words he uses. Or his arguments. And that means that people who don’t agree with him don’t get an automatic chance to shut him down.

I think both of these points, though they are high-level, can be useful for marketers and copywriters as well.

Particularly if you’re putting out long-term marketing, such as daily emails, that go out to people who know you, rather than cold prospects.

But that’s not for everybody. If you don’t like playing that game, and you’d prefer simply talking benefits, and convincing cold prospects to buy from you, there’s good money to be made there. And in case you want some battle-tested ideas on how to write such copy, specifically in the form of advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Rejection therapy for copywriters

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A couple of years ago, a friend of mine got rich in crypto.

He started with a small investment. And in the space of a couple of months, he turned it into a small fortune. Then, slowly and painfully, he lost most of it as the crypto tide turned.

These days, even though the moment has passed, he can’t let crypto go.

“It’s rewired my reward circuitry,” he says.

So he obsessively continues to listen to crypto podcasts. He keeps checking the news. And he hopes against hope that he will be able to regain that rush he got when he made his fast crypto money.

Reward circuitry.

It’s a messed up thing.

In my personal case, the issue is that I’ve spent much too much time in school. And in school, there’s really only one reward system. Either you get the right answer (pat on the head), or you don’t (disappointed look).

The thing is, that’s not how the world works. It’s certainly not how copywriting works. And yet, because my reward circuitry has been wired up during my decades of formal education, that’s how I think.

So for example, I am writing a new lead for a VSL right now. And I submitted my ideas so far to the copywriting coach I’m working with.

He came back with various bits of feedback. Insightful stuff. Completely fair. And likely to help me write a much better finished product.

But that’s not what my initial reaction was.

My initial reaction was, “Oh no. It wasn’t the right answer. I didn’t get a pat on the head.”

The only way out I can think of is to consciously fight against this, and to try to rewire my reward circuitry by hand.

It’s kind of like that rejection therapy that was popular a few years back. Each day, you try to get somebody to tell you no.

“No, I can’t give you a ride home right now.”

“No, you can’t sit in my lap.”

“No, I won’t pay for your burrito.”

When somebody tells you no, that’s when you win. You’ve just accomplished your goal for the day.

What I have in mind is similar. Except the goal is to find a new takeaway that will help you make your copy better.

“Pat on the head? Thanks, but what I could really use is a pointer on how to tighten up this headline.”

When you do this, you win the game for that day. And over time, maybe even your reward circuitry will adapt. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

Airbnb arbitrage

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Over the past few days, been reading a lot about “Airbnb arbitrage.” It works like this:

You lease a house or an apartment.

You then put it up on Airbnb, with the landlord’s blessing (you might have to try a few landlords before finding one who’ll agree to it).

You outsource all the Airbnb work like cleaning and handling communications…

You pay your lease…

And you keep the difference.

In a typical case, with a couple of hours of work a month and $2k of startup capital, you can create $1k-$2k cash flow each month (the Airbnb earnings are typically 2x-3x what the rent is).

And since it requires practically no work, you can rinse and repeat with a second property, and a third, and fourth. I’ve read case studies of people who have a dozen or more of such cash-cow properties, none of which they own.

I bring this up for two reasons.

First, you might find it interesting to investigate Airbnb arbitrage yourself. It seems like a genuine opportunity right now if you get the details right. But as with all arbitrage, it won’t be around forever.

Second, I find this Airbnb arbitrage kind of inspiring.

I’ve read stories of seasoned property investors who are saying, “I can’t believe how well this works.”

In their mind, there’s no comparison to the traditional route of taking out a mortgage for $300k, buying a house, finding long term tenants, all for a couple hundo a month.

With the Airbnb scheme, you get about 10x the cash flow, with 1/100th of the risk, and you can repeat as many times as you want.

Same thing if you’re a wannabe entrepreneur and your goal is to create “passive income.”

The standard route to this utopia is to create an online business.

And it’s definitely possible.

But it’s unlikely that you’d be collecting $5k a month within 2 months, which is what many of the Airbnb arbitrage people seem to accomplish.

And the point of all this, to me at least, is the power of a change in perspective.

The right change of perspective opens up incredible opportunities, and eliminates a lot of struggle and hard work.

Even if you’re not interested in starting your own Airbnb empire, I think this is something valuable to keep in mind.

Anyways, the reason I’ve been doing all this reading about Airbnb arbitrage is because I’m rewriting a lead for a VSL. ​The VSL sells a course, which lays out all the details about how to do this Airbnb stuff successfully.

I won’t try to sell you on the course itself.

I won’t even try to sell you on hiring me to write a VSL for you. But if you want some advertorial knowledge, which you could use to create traffic that leads to a VSL, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/