David Garfinkel

The unmasking of a copywriting replicant

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“You remember when you were six, you and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window, you were gonna play doctor? He showed you his. When it got to be your turn, you chickened out and then ran. Remember that? Did you ever tell anybody that?”

I had a Blade Runner moment a few days ago.

I was watching an episode of The Copywriters Podcast and vague suspicions started bubbling up in my mind.

I realized many of my own ideas, my memories, the advice I keep peddling to others… I realized they’re not my own.

Instead, the guy on this interview, a successful copywriter, well, somehow his ideas seeped into my mind and had influenced a lot of how I write copy, specifically those cold-traffic advertorials I’ve done a million of for the past few years.

The thing is, this copywriter doesn’t have a book or a course for sale, as least as far as I know.

Instead, all those replicant memories in my head got there after I studied a few of his sales letters, along with snippets of his ideas that appeared online.

To make things worse, The Copywriters Podcast interview wasn’t very insightful. Too much David Garfinkel, too little of this original copywriter.

But I just went online. And I found a presentation this copywriter made about 8 years ago. I watched it. My Blade Runner moment intensified. It’s unsettling. But I wouldn’t undo it if I could, because this presentation (short by the way, only about 20 mins) is so full of valuable copywriting platinum and gold.

Maybe this doesn’t mean anything to you. But maybe, if you write copy, particularly for cold traffic, you want to know who this copywriter is.

But that particular bit of incriminating information is something I only revealed to people who were subscribed to my daily email newsletter. In case you want to get on that newsletter, so you don’t miss out on any of my future unmaskings, click here.

The “translation problem” of persuasion

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I recently learned about the “translation problem” in persuasion.

For example, if I recommend a movie to you (like I did in my post a few days ago), you don’t really know whether to take that recommendation.

After all, my taste in movies is probably not the same as yours. I might also be recommending the movie for some reason you don’t care about (like learning better storytelling).

In other words, when I tell you a movie is great and you should watch it, you have to translate what that really means for you.

But there’s another way to look at this problem, which is more relevant for every-cent-counts direct marketing.

Specifically, I’m talking about the marketer’s job of translating a message into language his reader cares about, or at least understands.

I gave an example of this in yesterday’s post. In 1983, President Reagan got convinced of the importance of cyber security. A part of how this happened was the format of that persuasive message — a story, as told in the movie WarGames.

But another part of this persuasive message was that cyber security — a non-issue in 1983 — was translated into the threat of nuclear war.

Think about this for a moment. Another story probably wouldn’t have worked. A movie in which a hacker controls a weather satellite for a business man’s evil plans (Superman III, also from 1983) probably wouldn’t have gotten Reagan to take action on cyber security.

So what’s that point here?

It’s the old story. It was financier Bernard Baruch who, according to copywriting legend, summed up what it means to persuade:

“Find out what people want, and show them how to get it.”

Except, there are many situations in today’s sophisticated market where you don’t want to make overt promises. So instead of focusing on the positive outcome, you focus on the negative present. In that case, the real translation problem of persuasion becomes:

“Find out what people are afraid of, and show them how to avoid it.”

But whatever you do, don’t put out a message and hope your reader will translate it into terms he cares about. That’s your job. As copywriting coach David Garfinkel likes to say, “Either you work and get paid, or your reader works and gets paid.”

Do you want more of these kinds of persuasion lessons? I’ve got an email newsletter, where I send out one such essay each day. If you find that it’s not for you, you can always unsubscribe. To sign up, click here.

Rough and smooth copywriting sandpaper

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I believe it was Michelangelo who wrote:

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Similarly, every hairball of a first draft has a good piece of copy inside it. And it is the task of the copywriter to discover it.

Perhaps you think it’s grandiose to compare copywriting to fine art?

You’re probably right. But the fact remains, I’m currently writing the first draft of a video sales letter, and it is far from fine.

No matter. Because as soon as I wrap up this first draft, hopefully tonight, I will start to polish it. I’ve even got 7 separate grades of sandpaper of varying smoothity, which should help me discover that good piece of copy hiding inside.

#1. Tidbit sandpaper

With this sandpaper, I make a new loop through all my notes. Product research, customer research, testimonials… And I note good tidbits that I haven’t yet included in the sales letter. These tidbits could just be a good phrase, or a convincing argument, or anything. When I’ve made this list of tidbits, I go in, and I squeeze each one into my copy at some point.

#2. Vision sandpaper

Show, don’t tell. So “Jack was starting to give into the pressure” becomes…

“Jack was pounding away at an old typewriter. He had already typed up hundreds of pages, and each one repeated the same phrase over and over. ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'”

#3. Grasp-the-advantage sandpaper

This is a must for good copy, and it comes from Victor Schwab’s book, How to Write a Good Advertisement. Throughout the copy, make sure you are bringing it back to the prospect, and making it clear why this matters to him.

“Our real estate investing system gets you all the hot leads you can handle for free.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you don’t have to spend any of your own money.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you can get started even if you’re dead broke right now.”

Hmmm…

#4. Midge sandpaper

Master copywriter David Deutsch has this thing he calls, “Hey Midge.” Basically, the copy should sound like something a guy would say to his wife (Midge?). In other words, this is where you focus on writing to just one person, your ideal avatar.

#5. Dumb sandpaper

There’s a website out there called the Hemingway Editor. You paste your copy in, and it tells you the reading level. It also tells you how to lower the reading level. I aim for grade 6.

#6. Intense sandpaper

David Garfinkel said on a recent episode of the Copywriters Podcast that the way to make copy “intense” is to write long copy, and then cut it down. So when I finish all the other steps above, I trim down my copy by 10%. I start by cutting out worthless adjectives and adverbs. Next are the complicated phrases that could be simpler. And then I will take out entire sentences or even paragraphs to meet my 10% quota.

#7. Boron sandpaper

I don’t know if Gary Halbert was the first to suggest reading your copy out loud. But his Boron Letters was the first place I saw this advice. And I still stick to it.

So there you go. Hopefully it can help you if you’ve got a hairball on your hands as well.

And if you need more ideas for pre-processing and post-processing your copy, maybe you will find some help here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Copy is never too boring, only too irrelevant

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“Long novels often become best sellers, but even short books of logic rarely do.”
Victor Schwab, How to Write a Good Advertisement

True story I heard today:

Million Dollar Mike Morgan, an A-list copywriter I mentioned a couple of days ago, once wrote a 64-page sales letter.

Mike looked at his creation in horror and thought, “This really is too much. Who the hell would read 64 pages of promotion?”

Back then, Million Dollar Mike worked with copywriting coach David Garfinkel.

David read over the copy, and told Mike to run with it.

Which Mike did. The copy made sales. And afterwards, at an event where he was speaking, Mike actually got to talk to some people who bought the $1k product his sales letter promoted.

“Let me ask you something,” he asked all the folks who had bought. “Did you actually read that whole sales letter?”

All of the buyers did. The whole thing. One even read it twice.

It’s often said that a sales letter is never too long, only too boring. But here’s the problem with that:

If you’re writing to the wrong person, then no matter how long or short your sales letter, how entertaining or deadly dull, you won’t make the sale.

And if you’re not an actual prospect for what you’re selling, you can’t tell whether they will be bored or not.

So what do you do?

Well, you rely on the fundamental basics of direct response copywriting, which have been more or less proven over the last 100 years. And you apply them to your sales copy, blind if you have to.

If you need a primer on these fundamental basics of copywriting, specifically as applied to sales advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Copywriting for cavemen

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A while back, some scientists at Cambridge University studied a bunch of hunter gatherer tribes, and they came up with an inspiring conclusion:

Hunter gatherers do not work very hard.

In fact, when you add up all the hunting and gathering they do in a typical week, it adds up to about 20 hours.

Compare that to the typical work week of a human being in agricultural society (30 hours) or in an industrial society (40+ hours).

The point being that maybe we’re not evolved to be all gung-ho about non-stop sweat and toil.

And so if you feel a little lazy sometimes, blame it on tens of thousands of years of evolution that our ancestors spent hanging around caves and watching the caveman equivalent of Netflix.

Now, here’s a bit of good news.

If you aren’t all that crazy about long work—weeks, then copywriting might be a good career choice for you.

Some of the top copywriters out there — including Gene Schwartz, Gary Bencivenga, and Parris Lampropoulos — have stated that a good day for them consists of three hours of solid writing.

Pretty cavemannish schedule.

Plus it gets better.

If you’re easily distracted on top of being a little lazy, you’ve got an additional leg up (three legs down?) on all those other monkeys who want to write successful copy.

Because much of copywriting — 60% according to top copywriting coach David Garfinkel — often goes to research.

Ie. reading.

Following random links.

Kicking rocks around.

And looking for that great idea that will help you sell this weeks copy assignment.

So maybe you’re wondering where I’m going with this.

And it’s simply to give you a bit of encouragement in case you’re wondering whether you have what it takes to be a copywriter.

Odds are good that even the things that you might blame yourself for — such as apparent laziness and distractability — might help you in your journey to get to that top level of marketing and writing copy, if you know how to use them.

Of course, there are lots of other things you’ll need as well.

So if you have questions about succeeding as a copywriter, and if you want my opinion on the steps you need to take besides not working very hard and clicking on lots of seductive links, here’s where to go:
https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Flushing your email marketing down the toilet

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A few days ago, I read about a girl who was forced to flush her hamster down the toilet.

She was traveling with the hamster — her emotional support animal — on Spirit Airlines.

From Miami to Baltimore, Spirit Airlines allowed the hamster on board.

But for the flight back to Miami, Spirit changed their minds when the girl was checking in at the airport. No rodents on the plane, they said.

The girl tried negotiating, or booking other flights, or renting a car.

But nothing worked out.

Finally, according to the girl at least, one Spirit Airlines agent helpfully suggested she either let the hamster run wild in the parking lots surrounding the airport…

Or flush the poor beast down the toilet.

And so, frustrated and worn out and needing to get home to take care of an urgent medical issue, that’s what the girl did.

The lesson being:

There’s simply no arguing when a behemoth corporation, which has control of your life, says no to your small, individual, even reasonable requests.

I bring this up because marketers, copywriters, and anyone else who relies on email as a marketing channel, might face a similar situation soon.

That’s because of some big technical changes that are coming in the newest versions of Apple’s iOS operating system.

Some of these changes, having to do with telemarketing, will be kicking in as soon as this September.

Others, which will be more relevant for email marketing, will be phased in over the next several months.

And in the worst case, this could mean that the traditional online sales funnel — you sign up for a free lead magnet, I send you some promotional emails — will no longer work.

Not just on Apple devices.

In general.

Now maybe you’re skeptical this is really real.

Or you want to know what the actual technical details are before you make up your mind.

Or you are already scared, and want to start taking some action steps to prepare.

In any of those cases, I can point you to the latest episode of David Garfinkel’s Copywriter’s Podcast, where I heard about this issue just this morning.

David’s podcast has the full details, as well as a free opportunity to help you prepare for this transformation.

So if you wanna take a listen and maybe even prevent your valuable email marketing from getting flushed down the swampy and slimy bathroom toilet at Apple International Airport, here’s where to go:

http://copywriterspodcast.com/index.php?podcast=925

Stinkbug surprise

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Last autumn was the first time it happened.

Stinkbugs, invading my apartment. Flying around aimlessly. Bumping into lamps and walls.

Fortunately, stinkbugs are easy to scoop up and dispose of. As a girl I used to know would say, “They have no instinct for life.”

As stinkbugs kept appearing in my living room, I started to wonder, how can such a stupid creature be taking over the world?

It turns out stinkbugs are not always this slow and useless.

They only come inside homes when the weather turns cold. They then enter a state known as diapause, a kind of insect hibernation.

I found out about this from an article titled “Home Invasion,” written by Katharine Schulz, a Pulitzer-prize winning author.

But don’t worry. I’m not here to talk about stinkbugs. Instead, I want to talk about an interesting writing technique that Schulz used in her article.

While talking about the diapause, Schulz writes:

“It is also thanks to diapause that stinkbugs, indoors, seem inordinately graceless and impossibly dumb. But, as we all know, being graceless and dumb is no obstacle to being powerful and horrifying.”

Did you catch it?

There in the second sentence. That unresolved allusion to something “graceless and dumb.”

For reference, this article is from 2018 and was published in the New Yorker, a left-leaning magazine.

When I read the above passage, a wave of pleasant surprise passed over me.

Not because I am outraged over “graceless and dumb” creatures being horrifyingly powerful.

Instead, I was just satisfied at having solved a little puzzle. After all, Schulz didn’t spell it out who or what she was talking about.

This little puzzle spiced up the article for me. It certainly seems to be a good tactic for Pulitzer-winning New Yorker writers.

But should you ever use unresolved verbal puzzles in sales copy?

It seems crazy.

After all, you want sales copy to be as transparent and easy-to-read as possible. As copywriting coach David Garfinkel likes to say, “Either you work and get paid, or your reader works and gets paid” (ie. he keeps his money and doesn’t buy what you’re selling).

And yet, there might be occasions when posing a little intellectual challenge for your readers can work in copy.

Here’s what Joe Sugarman, who ran and wrote copy for a 9-figure mail-order business, has to say on the topic:

“If you make your copy too obvious, the reader feels either looked down on or bored. Provide a little suspense so that the reader has to come to a conclusion on her own using intuition, thought, sensation, and emotion, and you’ve got a very good force working for you.”

And sure enough, old Joe used to pepper in such bits of “mental engagement” in many of his wildly successful ads.

Something for you too to consider.

Of course, there are places in copy where you never want to leave the reader thinking or scratching his head. Such as, for example, that call to action.

That’s why, in case you are looking to make your sales emails stink less, here’s exactly what todo:

Head on down to the page below. And then make a decision whether you want to opt in with your email. If you do opt in, I’ll send you a free copy of my upcoming book on email marketing — once I finish it in the next couple of months. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

How to get copywriting clients quicker than a jackrabbit on a date

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After three days, I’ve finally finished watching A Christmas Story.

So let me share one final lesson with you from this great movie.

In one scene, while setting up the lights on the Christmas tree, the fuse blows out. No problem. As the narrator says:

“The old man could replace fuses quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.”

Which suggestive image I guess is one for the parents watching.

It’s also a great phrase, and it’s going in my great phrases list, which also includes gems such as:

lost like an idiot on a moor
a lame invalid of a sofa
oppression olympics
horse it in
a curable romantic

… and many, many more.

Why use these weird phrases?

Well, as Parris Lampropoulos says in the new episode of David Garfinkel’s Copywriters Podcast, when you tell people something new, it creates a dopamine dump in their brain. They literally become addicted to reading your copy.

Now Parris was talking about new facts and new ideas. But methinks new and surprising phrases have the same effect. And that’s why I’ve been putting together this list, and reaching into it regularly.

Anyways, if you want to rustle up copywriting clients quicker than a jackrabbit on a date, I have something that can light your fuse.

It’s my upcoming book on the business of freelance copywriting on Upwork. More info here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

4 lessons from the ongoing Parris bonanza

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Earlier today, I contributed $297 to help a guy named Taki beat cancer.

I’ve never met Taki. I have no special connection to him. I’m also not naturally the type to contribute to charitable causes. So what gives?

Well, as the GoFundMe page says,

“If you donate $297 or more, Parris Lampropoulos will send you a thank-you gift. Just email him your donation receipt.”

Let me explain what this is all about.

1. Name recognition

I’d first heard of Parris Lampropoulos through an interview on Clayton Makepeace’s site.

Clayton is (or was?) a super successful copywriter.

And he regularly interviewed other super successful copywriters, including Parris.

After reading the interview, I was curious to see whether Parris had a blog, or a newsletter, or a book, or a copywriting course…

And he didn’t. He seemed to be a secretive, off-line kind of guy. A shame, I thought, and I filed the name Parris Lampropoulus away for later.

That’s an important point — I knew the name. Because then…

2. Touch-point barrage

About a week ago, it started to trickle in.

First, I read an email from Ben Settle.

Parris Lampropoulus is finally making available his copywriting wisdom! And for ridiculously cheap! And all in an effort to help his cousin Taki beat cancer!

Ben was the first, but certainly not the last, to make this announcement.

Over the next few days, I saw David Garfinkel, Brian Kurtz, Abbey Woodcock, David Deutsch, and probably somebody else I’m forgetting also promoting Parris’s offer. Here’s why this barrage mattered:

3. Sell to buyers

After I first heard of the Parris offer, I got excited. I then told myself to cool off.

“You’ve got enough copywriting books and courses to last you the next five years,” I said to myself. “Why buy more?”

But the thing is, over the past year or two, I’ve started freely spending money on good information. And I’ve found I never regret it.

In other words, I always get more out of the info I bought than what I paid for it. Maybe through winning new client work, or through being able to charge more, or through some mysterious opportunities opening up.

So in many ways, I was an ideal prospect for this offer. And when I got a second reminder about Parris’s offer — and a third, and a fourth, all from independent quarters — my initial resistance wore down quickly.

And there was one last thing that helped.

4. The charitable opportunity

Some people probably took up Parris on his offer specifically because they wanted to help Taki. But like I said, I’m not the type to contribute to charitable causes (yet — maybe this first experience will be a crack in the floodgates).

Still, the charitable offer did help to convince me to pony up $297. I realized this when I considered the alternative.

If this had simply been a new course launch, I probably would have held off.

A part of why is urgency — Parris will take this offer down once the funding goal is reached, and that probably wouldn’t have been true with a regular course.

But another part of it is the fire sale element of all this.

People rush to a fire sale because they feel they must be getting a steal. Because they think they are taking advantage of somebody else’s time of need.

I’m not proud of it, but I realize that, somewhere not very deep down, there was an element of this in my motivation to seize this opportunity.

So there you have it.

My analysis of an easy, enjoyable $297 sale, or rather purchase.

I think Gary Halbert once wrote that, if you want to do direct mail, you should buy stuff through mail, and allow yourself to enjoy the process. That way, you can understand what the process is like for one of your customers — to have doubts, to make the decision, to be excited about the purchase.

That’s what I did today. Besides, of course, helping a guy named Taki and getting a valuable and rare item for my copywriting library.

Anyways, if you’re selling something online, I believe you should be able to use any of the four points above to sell a little more of whatever it is you’re selling.

And if you’re interested in taking Parris up on his offer, before the fundraising target is met, here’s the link to the page that describes everything you get:

http://o.copychief.com/parris-lampropoulos

“Show and sell” day at Copywriting High

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I listened to another episode of David Garfinkel’s Copywriters Podcast today.

This episode was about the old writing maxim “Show, don’t tell.”

I wasn’t 100% clear what David’s position was on this idea.

But it did get me thinking of the sales letter I am currently writing, for my own book on essential oils.

The version 1.0 lead for this sales letter was a placeholder, and a lame placeholder at that:

Essential oils — Mother Nature’s miracle cure…

Or an expensive gimmick peddled by multi-level-marketing companies?

Well, a little bit of both.

Here’s the truth: essential oils can really be a wonderful help for issues like… [yadda yadda yadda]

After I listened to David’s podcast, I went back and rewrote this in a “Show, don’t tell” way:

Back in May 2017, a woman in Florida thought she was preparing a nice bath for herself.

Like many times before, she added some essential oils to Epsom salts, and let this sit for 30 minutes before adding it to her bathwater.

She then got in.

This time, however, the bath wasn’t the usual relaxing nighttime routine.

Instead, she got painful burns on her back.

“Normal brand essential oils,” she later wrote, “and coconut oil took the red burns away, but did I do something wrong?”

[it then goes on to explain what she should have done]

More effective?

I think it is.

This “show, don’t tell” approach is something I actually do all the time when writing sales emails.

For example, when I look at the 10 emails I wrote for RealDose Nutrition’s new front-end email sequence, exactly half kick off with a story that “shows” either the problem or the benefit.

Does it work?

Well, the new sequence is outperforming the old one by 30%.

So you can say it’s “Show and sell.”

Anyways, if you want to know more about the little tricks I built into that email sequence, and others I wrote for RealDose, check out my upcoming book. It’s free if you sign up for it now, $17 when it goes on sale:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/