Direct Marketing

The old “Simon Lannister”: How to achieve the possible

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Simon flew through the finish line and immediately collapsed, face down on the track.

“You all right, Si?” It was his sister Margot, standing over him and holding a stopwatch.

Simon lay there on the ground, gasping for breath. “heave… heave… TIME? heave…”

“Oh right,” Margot said. She looked at the stopwatch. “Three minutes, 59.7 seconds. That seems good. Is that good?”

Simon kept heaving for breath, face flat on the ground. Gradually his hands curled into fists and his heaves turned into sobs. “I did it… I DID IT…”

Simon’s Jack Russell terrier, Sergeant, came over and sniffed his master’s feet. Sergeant followed the scent away into the grassy, wildflower-covered field in the middle of the track.

“I don’t mean to rush you Si,” Margot said, “but could you maybe hurry it up? We’ll be late for lunch. And you know how mum gets whenever we’re late.”

And that’s all the detail that’s been preserved about this historic event.

Because historians love to study and celebrate Roger Bannister, the first man to run the four-minute mile, back in 1954.

But practically nobody studies or even remembers Simon Lannister, the 34th man to run the four-minute mile, only a few years later, in 1958.

And I suspect it will be the same with me and my achievement yesterday.

Because yesterday, I got banned from r/copywriting.

The context is that over the past few days, I’ve been rewarding people who share links to my Copy Riddles optin page.

And that’s why Sonam Zahrt-Tenzin, a copywriter who’s already gone through the Copy Riddles program, put together a nice writeup of his experience and posted it on the r/copywriting subreddit.

But when I went to read it a few hours later, it was “[removed].” In fact, a post at the top of r/copywriting said any links to me and any of my stuff are now banned because there have been too many of them over the past few days.

You might think this is a failure but:

I’m grateful to Sonam and to all the other people who shared links to my site.

Like I said, I doubt history will remember our collective achievement in getting me banned from r/copywriting. I’m certainty not the first to break through that barrier — I believe that was Daniel Throssell, and probably other people after him.

Even so, it’s been an achievement for me. And I don’t mean that in a perverse, “good is bad, bad is good” sense.

I mean it in the sense that I’ve seen a nice bump in new subscribers over the past few days.

In fact, I saw a bump on top of that bump after the “banned” post appeared at the top of r/copywriting. And since that post is sitting there still, I’m guessing it will send a few more people to check out my site.

What’s more, I imagine this promo campaign will bring me knock-on benefits and name exposure, which will only be obvious in weeks and months to come.

That’s the achievement I’m happy about.

Now, as you might have noticed if you’ve been reading my emails for a while, I’m not a person who particularly craves attention, controversy, or conflict.

But the fact is, if you do anything in life… besides drumming your fingers on the table and watching the seasons change outside your window… then soon enough, you will run into resistance, whether internal or external.

In my experience, the only thing to do at that point is to give it the old Simon Lannister:

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, if for no other reason than that you’ve set your mind to it. And once you’re done, pick yourself up from the track, and rather than dwelling on your achievement or the resistance you encountered, go get lunch, and then move on to the next goal in your life.

For example:

Even though Daniel was the first to get banned from many choice locations on the Internet… I’m sure other virgin forums, groups, and communities remain.

So if you’d like to help me get the word out about this newsletter, and possibly get banned somewhere new, then take a look at the link below.

I’m offering a bribe in exchange for your help. But if the bribe doesn’t turn you on, ignore it. And if you want to help me out just for the sake of helping me out, I’ll be grateful to you. Here are the full details:

https://bejakovic.com/free-offer-niche-expert-cold-emails/

My fruitful first Clickbank failure

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This year marks the 10th anniversary of the publication of my first-ever book. Well… book might be a bit grandiose.

It was more like an 85-page pdf. And by publication, I really just mean I put it up on Clickbank for sale.

The title of this thing was the Salary Negotiation Blueprint. The background was this:

10 years ago, I was a dissatisfied office drone working at an IT company. Day after day, I’d sit at my computer, drumming my fingers on the desk, looking out the window as the sun set at 4pm. “And I still have to sit here and pretend to work for 2 more hours!” I wanted to get free.

And then I heard about Mike Geary. Mike was making a million dollars a month selling his own 85-page pdf, The Truth About Abs, on Clickbank.

How could I do the same?

Fortunately, the same source who clued me in to Mike Geary (Tim Ferriss) also clued me in to that most highly revered and valuable guide to direct marketing:

Gary Halbert’s Boron Letters.

Being the bookish type that I am, I got the Boron Letters and I read them. At the time, I wasn’t sure what exactly was so great about them. But I did get one thing from Gary, and that’s when he talks about how to create an info product:

1. Pick a topic
2. Read 5 of the best books on the topic and take notes
3. Write up your own book/85-page report with the best information taken from those other books
4. Make millions!

And here we get to the crossroads.

Because in an unusual move for me… I actually put the Boron Letters down… stared at the void for a bit… and then took a hesitating, first step forward.

In other words, I stopped reading and actually did what Gary was telling me to do. I followed his steps 1-3.

The outcome was the Salary Negotiation Blueprint. I put it up on Clickbank. And then, I rubbed my hands together in anticipation of step 4 aaaand…

Total sales? 0. Total money made? $0. Total learning experience?

Well, with 10 years of hindsight and about 6 years of working as a direct response copywriter, let me highlight a few of the mistakes I made with this first project:

1. Name. I went with Salary Negotiation Blueprint just because every other info product at the time was “something something blueprint.”

But what exactly was the promise in my name? That with my blueprint, you could… negotiate? Not very tempting.

2. “Affiliates will love it!” No, they won’t.

You can see public lists of what Clickbank affiliates love to promote, and salary negotiation guides are not it. This was a lesson I could have learned from the Boron Letters — sell to a starving crowd.

3. My market. What profile of person is going to buy an ebook on salary negotiation?

I can’t say, because I never managed to sell a single copy. But my guess is, these aren’t exactly players with money. More likely to be schlubs on a budget — much like me at the time.

6. The back end. What can you sell to somebody who bought a guide on salary negotiation? A course on networking over the water cooler? Or a guide on Slack tips and tricks, maybe? It feels like grasping at straws.

Ultimately, salary negotiation is a one-time need. Which is bad — because the profits come on the back end.

7. The price. I can’t remember the price. I think I started out at $37, and when I failed to make any sales there, I moved it down to $17, where I continued to fail to make sales.

But whether at $37 or at $17, my price was completely disconnected to the value of my offer. There was zero thought or strategy to it.

So there you go. Maybe you can learn a bit about direct marketing from my mistakes above. Or maybe you knew all this simple stuff before.

Either way, you’re in a good place.

Because there are mountains of people out there who don’t know even these basics of direct marketing and copywriting.

​​And not all these people are as clueless and unsuccessful as I was 10 years ago. Some of them have working businesses — even thriving businesses — in spite of awful, self-defeating marketing.

But you’ve probably heard this claim before.

I know I heard it for a long time. And all I could say is, “Well, where are all these mountains of business owners who could benefit from my growing marketing knowledge? I’m ready to help them out!”

The perverse truth is, they seem to pop up the most when you no longer need them.

A part of it is simply your level of skills. But a part of it is the exposure you give yourself.

In other words, you can shortcut the process somewhat, by giving yourself more exposure. Which brings me to my ongoing offer:

You can get a free copy of my Niche Expert Cold Emails training.

This training covers two cold email strategies that got me in touch with a couple of business owners, one with a working business, and the other with a thriving business.

All in all, these cold emails led to $16k worth of copywriting work. Not Mike Geary money, but an important step on my journey away from office dronedom. And I’m sure I could have gotten more work from these emails, had I just used them more consistently.

The training is yours free right now, as part of a promotion I’m trying out. For the full details, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/free-offer-niche-expert-cold-emails/

My Andre Chaperon-like, Sphere of Influence-inspired optin page

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Here’s a little riddle for you:

How do three men, one of whom has been mostl—

But hold. This is neither the time nor the place for that.

In case you read my email yesterday, you know I promised that today, I’d reuse something I’d written in my email yesterday.

And in fact, I’ve done just that. But it’s not that tiny bit at the top. And it’s not in this email you’re reading.

Instead, you can find what I promised at the link below. That’s where you can read the scene from the Princess Bride I wrote about yesterday, and see how I made it fit to a completely new purpose.

The purpose, in this case, is to illustrate and set up a valuable lesson from my Copy Riddles program, which I’ll open up again for a few days later this month.

For this round of Copy Riddles, I decided to put a bit of thought into getting the word out.

So I wrote up an Andre Chaperon-like, Sphere of Influence-inspired optin page on the Copy Riddles site.

That means that rather than promising people interesting or entertaining information if they opt in to my list… I put that interesting and entertaining stuff right there on the page. And if somebody really is interested and entertained once they are done reading, they can opt in for more.

So here’s the deal for today:

If you’d like to find out (or be reminded of, in case you’ve already gone through Copy Riddles) a valuable little copywriting secret I discovered hidden inside a bullet by A-list copywriter David Deutsch…

Or if you’d like to see what exactly an Andre Chaperon-like, Sphere of Influence-inspired optin page looks like…

Or if you just want to get closure on my Princess Bride email from yesterday…

Then take a look at the link below:

https://copyriddles.com/

Oh and if you do take a look, I’d appreciate your feedback on this page.

Because starting tomorrow, I’ll be promoting this page (I’ll explain how tomorrow). But that means i still have a bit of time to make changes, to add, and to remove.

So whatever your impression of this page, and whatever your feedback… I’ll be grateful if you write me an email and let me know. Thanks in advance.

“Sign of the Elephant Guarantee”

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Right now, the top seller in the competitive “manifestation” niche on Clickbank is an offer called the BioEnergy Code.

The VSL for this offer tells the story of Angela Carter, a woman on a journey to find wealth, health, and a feeling of connectedness… by following the golden thread of the elephant.

Elephant?

Yes, elephant.

First, Angela walks into a bookstore in her home town. She closes her eyes and prays for guidance. And she spots a travel guide with an elephant on it.

Next thing you know, Angela’s traveled to Nepal. A boy on the street tugs on her shirt. “Go see the elephants,” he says, and he points across the street.

This leads Angela to a guru who tells her the secret of manifesting anything she wants.

She manifests a new and amazing life for herself. She’s ready to head back home. And she wants to make the guru’s secret public, so others could benefit also. But the guru balks.

“This knowledge stays in Nepal!”

But our hero is prepared. “What if we contribute a portion of each sale to a save-the-elephants charity?”

The guru mulls this over for a second. “Deal!”

This explains why you can now buy the BioEnergy Code for $37 on Clickbank. Pretty standard stuff and not particularly inventive. But this next part is.

When it’s time to close the sale on the set of guided meditation mp3s and chakra-release PDFs, Angela makes the following guarantee:

I call it the “Sign of the Elephant Guarantee”.

Here’s how it works.

Within 24 hours of saying “yes” to The BioEnergy Code…

I guarantee you’ll receive an unmistakable “sign” that you’re on the right path.

It’ll feel like something just got unblocked so you can see your path more clearly than ever.

It may not be an “elephant” like it was for me in Barnes & Noble and the tea shop in Kathmandu…

But it WILL be so clear and so unmistakable, it will be the “Elephant in the Room” – a sign that your fields of BioEnergy are about to be cleared and unleashed.

All I ask is that you give your source 24 hours to manifest this elephant in the room sign.

And if you don’t experience this elephant size sign, simply email me and I’ll promptly refund every penny.

I thought this was genuinely clever. This short bit of copy does so much.

I sat down, and off the top of my head, I wrote 7 good things that come out of this guarantee. I was going to highlight the most valuable of these 7 things in this email, but I realized they are all too important.

So I will make you an offer with a 100% no-questions-asked money-back guarantee… for a full 24 hours.

I call it the “Sign of Clickbank Insight.”

Here’s how it works:

Within 24 hours of reading this email, I guarantee you will receive an unmistakable sign having to do with Clickbank.

Oh, it might not be a big Clickbank logo on a sales page that you visit. But it will be there if you watch for it.

It might be some email newsletter mentioning Clickbank… or it might be an online run-in with a copywriter or marketer, such as Stefan Georgi or Ian Stanley or Chris Haddad, who has been closely tied to Clickbank in the past.

Once you see the sign, you will feel a clear and unmistakable lightbulb moment. “Aha! So this is what that Bejakovic guy was talking about!”

I guarantee this will happen. All I ask is that you give the universe 24 hours to organize this moment of insight for you.

And when it happens, then sign up to my email newsletter.

Reply to my welcome email and tell me about the sign that you saw… and I will spell out the 7 chakras of the “Sign of the Elephant guarantee.”

I mean, I will tell you what I thought was so good about this guarantee… and how you can use this in your own marketing and copy to one day make it to the top of your own Clickbank category.

Or… your money back.

Things “worthy of compliment” in 12 of my competitors

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I recently finished reading a book called NLP about NLP by two NLP experts, Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner.

I’m interested in somehow patching a few Y2K-sized bugs in my own brain software, and so this kind of neural programming stuff is right up my alley and then through a little door.

Anyways, at one point in the book, Andreas and Faulkner advise the following:

“Find what’s worthy of compliment in your competition. Since you have been encouraging yourself to be complimentary to others, your senses have been opened and relaxed. You will have undoubtedly found yourself acquiring the skills of others without directly concentrating on them.”

Too easy? Who knows. I decided to try it out.

But then right at the start, I hit a snag. I had trouble coming up with my “competition.”

There’s nobody I really think of in that way. That’s the whole point of writing daily emails and creating unique offers like Copy Riddles.

But ok — ultimately, I am competing for people’s attention, for space in their inbox, for their hearts and minds, and possibly for their learning and growth dollars.

So I made a list of 12 such competitors. They all either write daily emails or have something to do with direct marketing.

For each competitor, I listed the first thing that came to mind — stuff they do, which I admire.

​​It turned out to be a surprisingly fun and eye-opening exercise. I suggest it to you — whether you’re a business owner, marketer, or freelancer.

Perhaps you’re curious about my list. You can find it below, with the names stripped out. After all, my goal today isn’t to name drop in bulk or to call people out.

But perhaps you can still guess who I have in mind — all are people I’ve mentioned previously in my newsletter. And here’s what’s worthy of compliment in each:

1. Willingness to get on camera regularly in spite of having the charisma of a bag of lentils
2. Community management
​3. High-priced offers
​4. A business built around a single core product that’s been running for years
​5. Emotional copy in spite of being very emotionally flat as a person
​6. Personality-based emails
​7. Writing fast
8. Surprising historical anecdotes
9. List building
10. Self-aggrandizement
11. A deep trove of personal experience and interests
​12. A really unique viewpoint

If you’re in the marketing and copywriting space, all these people will probably be familiar to you.

​​Except perhaps #8. He is well-known, but is not in the marketing space.

A​nd #12. He was once a direct marketer, but is today something… not quite definable. If you’re curious, I’ll tell you more about him, including his name, in my email tomorrow. You can sign up here to read that.

A simple habit for enjoying yourself at parties and inventing almost irresistible offers

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Today I want to tell you how to enjoy yourself at every party you go to from now on… and how to come up with offers that your market is 98% sure to love.

Let me set it up with a bit of drama:

A few days ago, a friend I have from my decade of living in Budapest, Hungary, forwarded me a screenshot of the following Instagram post.

The post was written by a Lainey Molnar, a Hungarian illustrator now living in the Netherlands.
​
​Lainey became an Internet star recently because of her “women empowerment” illustrations.

As an Internet star, she was fielding some Internet questions recently. One question was why so many Hungarians choose to move away from the motherland and live abroad.

​​Lainey responded:

​Because the mentality is simply unbearable for anyone who aspires for a healthy psyche (and let’s not get stared on the political system, we already clocked in like 12 years with a Trump before Trump)

It’s a culture of mediocrity, always dragging everyone down. They’re jealous, petty, always blame everyone else for everything, They constantly gossip, meddle, and walk over others for gain. Brrrrr, I can’t stand being there for more than a few weeks.

So here’s what got through my skull:

If Hungarians really are as miserable of a people as Lainey makes them out to be — not true in my experience — then going by the tone of her two paragraphs above… she sounds like a perfect Hungarian, whether she lives in Amsterdam or Budapest.

And that’s my point for you today:

Whatever the apparent topic of conversation, people are almost always talking about themselves.

Once you realize this, you can have fun at every party, just by listening to others and asking yourself… what is this guy really saying? What is he revealing about himself that he doesn’t mean to?

And same thing with your customers and prospects.

Everything they say about you… your competition… the world at small and at large… is mostly about them.

And just by listening or, as Ben Settle likes to say, reading between the lines, you can get a lot of valuable intel. Intel you can use to inform your marketing and your offers… and give people what they truly want — even if they could never express it directly.

At this point in my emails, I usually like to take the core idea I am talking about and do a demonstration. But today, we can do the opposite.

If you like, you can probably read this very email, and find I am talking about myself. Maybe in ways that I didn’t even mean to expose, some perhaps quite negative.

So if you have some insights that you’ve gleaned about my personality through this email or other emails… and if you want to shock me with them, I am here, ready.

Just write me directly and fire away with your piercing observations. Do it for me. And do it because you will be starting a habit which will benefit you for years in your personal and business life.

Everything is free

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I know a lot of people in the marketing world worship at the altar of Seth Godin. I myself have had no contact with that religion, until today.

Today, I read an article that Seth wrote earlier this month, with a provocative title:

“Customer service is free”

Seth says that because of word-of-mouth and the value of loyal customers, you should stop looking at customer service as a cost.

That’s a point I’ve heard Ben Settle make before. Ben says that customer service is the #1 sales skill, which will allow you to charge higher prices… give you an advantage over your competitors… and allow you to make up for your shortcomings.

But here’s something that puzzled my mental squirrel:

Ben Settle has been making this point about customer service for years. It never made as much impact on me as the Seth Godin article. Because Seth’s presentation was more powerful.

Perhaps, and this is just a hypothesis based on my own experience today, the power of “FREE” is greater than the power of “profitable” for getting into people’s heads. Sure, once you open up a path into somebody’s brain with the ice pick of FREE, then you can bring in the “profitable” argument. But not before. And that’s what Seth Godin does — FREE in the headline, profitable in the very last sentence of his article.

But whether that’s a universal truth or not, one thing is universally true:

All your offers, whether ideas you are pitching or actual products you are selling, should be FREE. Of course, not free today. But FREE. Here’s what I mean:

The next time you are faced with a prospect who’s holding your offer in his hands, interested but still not sold, then apply the following free idea, and it will pay for itself immediately:

Put your arm around your prospects shoulders and point to the rainbow on the horizon. Then point back to that product of yours, there in your prospect’s lap. And then once again, point to the rainbow.

“Do you see now?” tell your prospect. “In 9 weeks, it will pay for itself. So really, it’s FREE. And after that, it will even start to make you money.”

Speaking of making money:

I have an email newsletter in which I share money-making ideas about marketing and copywriting. You can sign up to my newsletter today at a small up-front cost. But really, don’t think of it as a cost, think of it as an investment. One that will pay off before the end of the day.

My brush with death yesterday

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Yesterday, I was driving back from a seaside stroll. I was lost in thought as I sped down an empty two-lane road that cut through olive groves and patches of pine.

My shoes were sopping wet. During the stroll, I had decided to wade into the water (story for another time). So there in the car I was thinking… what would be the best way to dry them?

Suddenly, I snapped to attention.

There was a car up ahead, coming towards me. Something was off — a cloud of dirt from the side of the road had just exploded into the air next to the car.

I saw the right side of the oncoming car lift off the ground.

In the next moment, the rest of the car followed.

The entire car took off into the air, rolled over, and came crashing down on its roof on my side of the road, about 20 yards in front of me.

I pulled over and opened my eyes wide to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

Nope. Awake.

I got out and approached the smoking upside-down hulk.

Somebody started crawling out from the driver’s-side window. A young guy, maybe 20 years old.

“Are you alive?” I asked.

He stood up, then immediately doubled over and put his hands to his face. “I just don’t know what happened,” he said. He straightened up. There was a bit of blood by his temple but otherwise he seemed fine.

More cars started arriving and pulling over, up and down the road.

Pieces of the wreckage were lying all along the asphalt. The back of the car, which I guess was the first part to hit the ground, was completely detached.

Smoke was coming out from under the engine, or rather, above the engine, since the car was now upside down.

The guy crawled back in to get his phone. He crawled out and started calling somebody.

A couple of other dudes walked over. “You gotta be careful,” one of them said to the driver while inspecting the underside of the car. “These roads can be slippery.”

The line of pulled-over cars was growing. People were getting out and looking on from a distance.

One woman, along with her kids, started walking towards the wreck and yelling in a mild panic that somebody should call the fire department, because the car will soon set on fire. Still, she kept walking nearer and nearer, her kids in tow, drawn in by the crash.

At this point, I realized I’d done all I could here. As the first responder, I felt it was my duty to also be the first abandoner.

And so I got in my car, turned around, and headed back where I came from, wondering about the strange sight I just saw.

And only then, it hit me:

Had I been a second or two further up the road, this thing would have landed right on top of me.

I don’t know how resilient the roof is on my current ride (a 20-year-old Audi that I borrowed from my mom)… but I doubt it would stand a direct hit by a ton and a half of falling metal.

I don’t really have a good takeaway for you, because this story is still too fresh in my mind — I am writing to you from the past, about 40 minutes after the event.

All I can say for sure is that seat belts save lives. And also perhaps this:

Be careful what message you send to the universe. Because just the day before this happened, I wrote an email making fun of people who write emails based on what just happened to them earlier in the day. And well, here we are.

Last thing:

Since I’m still alive, I feel I should celebrate, and make you some special “I’m not crushed” offer.

But I’m a little unprepared. So let me do something I’ve never done before and I’m sure to never do again:

Free consulting.

My need to somehow give thanks is your opportunity. I’ve made 3 slots available over the next few days:

1. Tomorrow, Saturday Dec 11 at 7pm CET
2. Sunday, Dec 12 at 10am CET
3. Tuesday, Dec 14 at 2pm CET

Each slot is good for 20 mins, exactly.

During that time, you can ask me your most pressing questions about writing copy… freelancing… email marketing… advertorials… positioning… or really anything else copywriting or marketing or inner-game related.

I’ll tell you all I know and that fits into 20 minutes… without any hedges about “that’s reserved for paying customers only” or “wait for my upcoming product on that topic.”

Hell, you can even get me to do work for you, helping you with copy or sketching out new ideas. Whatever we can squeeze into 20 minutes.

So if you want to take me up on this opportunity, here’s what to do:

1. Write me an email and…

2. Tell me which one (yes, only one) of the above slots you want to take up and…

3. Tell me what you want to discuss, what questions you have, or why you want this consulting. Be specific and be brief — 5 sentences max.

I’ll go through the applications I get for each time slot in the order I get them. And for each slot, I will choose the first application that sounds like somebody I can help.

And if you’re wondering what my criteria are for that… here are a few questions/motivations that I am not likely to engage with for these consulting calls:

1. “I just found out about copywriting. I feel it could be good for me… but it also seems really tough. What do you think?” (It’s not so tough and it won’t be good for you.)

2. “What’s your number 1 copywriting book I should read? (I advise you to get rid of the “number 1” mindset.)

3. “What do you really think of Daniel Throssell’s Black Friday campaign? (Read my email tomorrow if you want to know that.)

Final caveat:

I’ll record these consulting calls. I have no plans for them at the moment. But they will be mine to do with as I please — to give away, to sell, to let languish on Google Drive.

If that doesn’t bother you, and you want to get my creativity, experience, and knowledge to work for you… then take a moment, think what you really want my help with, and then write me that email, following the steps I laid out above. And then, buckle in.

Copy Koala Millions™

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What if your pillow could do more than just help you sleep at night?

What if it could do something unbelievably good for you…

Like instantly give you MORE powerful copywriting skills than years of study ever could…

Putting your brain into full “copy god” mode as soon as you wake up in the morning…

Allowing you to effortlessly stamp out royalty-producing sales letters, emails, and Facebook ads IN JUST A FEW MINUTES’ TIME…

Knowing you’re now automatically and effortlessly zooming towards your wealth and income dreams… while burying the gnawing doubts and insecurities that have held you back for so long?

And what if it could also implant into your head ALL the copywriting courses you’ve ever bought…

While dramatically increasing your productivity… opening up secret doors to new opportunities… and skyrocketing your status in the industry?

Wouldn’t that be INCREDIBLE?

Well, when you consider the latest breakthrough, peer-reviewed studies on creativity and learning… from the most well-respected universities and research departments on the planet…

Or if you ask the countless thousands of women and men of all ages, from all walks of life, who have found this email before you…

You’ll find that this is not only possible…

But you should actually EXPECT your pillow to deliver you all of this and more.

And all it takes is just a tiny, 10-second tweak to your night-time routine that you’re about to see…

Ok, I’d like you to slowly emerge from your hypnotic trance and become aware of the real world once again.

The truth is, I do not yet have a magic offer called Copy Koala Millions™, which transforms you into an A-list copywriter while you sleep. But I have been working on it.

The backstory is that I went on Clickbank a few days ago. Among the Clickbank top 10, three weight loss offers all showed the same trend:

* Lose weight by stuffing your face (Biofit)

* Lose weight by sucking on smoothies (Smoothie Diet)

* Lose weight by sipping coffee (Java Burn, which I modeled for the copy above)

In each case, the mechanism is NOT some exotic discovery or awesome invention.

​​Instead, the mechanism is a beloved everyday activity. In fact, it’s probably something the prospect is already doing all the time.

So that’s how I got the idea for Copy Koala Millions™. Because lying down to sleep is one of my beloved activities. There are few things that thrill me as reliably as putting my head to pillow each night. I can’t be the only one, right?

It’s the old direct response advice:

Come up with the ultimate, magic-wand offer. Promise your prospect all the outcomes he could ever dream of… done for him by some benevolent external genie… who smiles kindly and shushes away all the objections your prospect used to have.

So that’s step one. Figure out exactly what your prospect would irrationally love to hear.

Step two is to then dial it back or pay it off so your offer isn’t a complete hoax.

In the case of Copy Koala Millions™ I’m happy to say I deliver fully on the promise.

At a special launch price of just $67, I’ll sell you an mp3 player preloaded with copywriting audio courses, masked with pink noise.

Simply turn on Copy Koala and place it under your pillow at night — takes just 10 seconds. You can also upload other courses you’ve bought if you want. In case you don’t have a pillow right now, I’ll be selling that as a $197 upsell.

Normally, at this point in my email, I would invite a response. “Write in and pre-order Copy Koala Millions™,” I would say, “at a special 75% discount. Offer good only until this Thursday.”

But I’m a little hesitant to do that. We haven’t yet ironed out all the kinks with the pink noise and I don’t want to get swamped with orders I can’t fulfill. So I’ll hold off for today.

Instead, I’d just like to point out that the underlying idea might be valuable to you. Because the weight loss market is definitely buying this “coffee” mechanism right now.

​​And the weight loss market is like New York City — the fashion that’s popular there today will be popular everywhere next year. Might be worth keeping an eye on. I know I will be doing it. And if you want to find out what new trends I spot, sign up here for my email newsletter, and prepare to be hypnotized.

The perfect sales language for who you are — and who you are becoming

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“With so many different products, we surely have the perfect Tachyon energy antenna for who you are — and who you are becoming”

A picture of a dolphin. “Panther juice.” And the following headline:

TACHYON ENERGY
For the Planet… For Her People… For You!

It might be the strangest direct response ad I’ve ever seen.

In fact, I’m not really sure it is a direct response ad. Maybe nobody was checking the responses. Or maybe this was actually a communique from wise creatures in a parallel dimension, who want us all to live in greater harmony, health, and prosperity.

What I do know is that this ad appeared dozens of times in the 90s and 2000s in magazines like Yoga Journal.

Some of the products listed in the ad include back belts, headbands, and something called “panther juice,” all of which purport to tap into the mysterious tachyon field all around us.

I’d never heard of tachyon energy before.

But I soon found that the people behind the dolphin ad had published a book in 1999 to explain tachyon energy to the masses. The book has 63 reviews on Amazon. Here’s a short excerpt from the most upvoted review:

“I came across Tachyon while doing some research on Vogel Crystal healings. Radieshesia, Radionics, Psychotronics etc all lead you to a Parallel dimension ( Dr. Tiller calls it a second 3D) we can tap into. Zero Field, Dark Matter, The Field, Quantum Field, whatever you want to call it, it is there and various people have learned and figured out how to tap into it.”

I’m not 100% sure what my point is. Except a while back, I wrote this:

Look to the extremes.

In other words, if you want to harness a valuable copywriting technique or marketing approach… then look to the folks who specialize in this approach — and nothing else.

For example, if you want to frame your offer as a huge opportunity… then look to opportunity marketers. The real estate infomercials… the business opportunity classifieds… the Joe Karbo’s of the world.

And if you want to create an aura of magic, mystery, and otherworldly possibility in your copy, then look to the tachyon energy ad and the sales language it uses.

Either it will help you write copy that taps into the fundamental human need to believe… or it might teleport you into a non-dimensional space and provide revolutionary new answers to health, longevity, and mental alertness.

Whatever the outcome may be, if you’re ready to have your third eye opened, then take a look below. And if you want an email newsletter about copywriting and marketing that’s perfect for who you are — and who you are becoming — then step through this portal.