Copywriting

“Win your first copywriting job” workshop

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If you are looking to get going as a paid copywriter, here’s an announcement you might find valuable:

This Friday, I’m putting on a spectacular show called Copywriting Portfolio Secrets.

It’s a free bonus for people who signed up for my Copy Riddles program. And it’s all about how to apply for and win copywriting jobs, even if your portfolio is as insubstantial as a cucumber sandwich.

In case you’re curious, here’s the sneak preview trailer for Copywriting Portfolio Secrets:

IN A WORLD…

… where copywriting clients are busy and distracted…

… and where the law of the land is naked self-interest…

… one copywriter stepped forth…

… and found out exactly what one potential client was looking for…

… and then showed the client exactly why he (the copywriter) or she (the copywritress) was it.

“An exciting but unbelievable premise,” you might say. “How could I be exactly what the client is looking for… when I’m a complete noob with with that cucumber sandwich of a portfolio?”

O ye of little faith.
​
It can be done. I know because I’ve done it. Back when I got started with copywriting… and several times since, when I effectively became a noob again by branching out into new industries and new copywriting formats.

Zero relevant experience to start. 4- and 5-figure copywriting jobs as the end result. ​​

So it can be done. That’s the good news. But here’s the trouble:

You might not know how to do it. And unless you signed up for Copy Riddles back in July or back in March, you won’t find out, because Copy Riddles was the ticket that gets you into the feature show that is Copywriting Portfolio Secrets.

At least that’s what I planned on, until today. Today, I decided to make a new offer.

I’m calling it the “Win your first copywriting job” workshop. It includes two parts:

1. The Copywriting Portfolio Secrets presentation on Friday

2. My one-on-one guidance so you actually implement everything inside the presentation, and so you can actually win your first copywriting job

In case you’re starting to feel a little warm right now, here are a few warnings to cool you off:

The “Win your first copywriting job” workshop is not free.

It is also not done-for-you.

Instead, it is rather expensive, and it is done-with-you.

So if those facts don’t turn you off right away, you have until Friday 6pm CET to decide whether you’d like to sign up to my “Win your first copywriting job” workshop and get on the path to being a paid copywriter.

​​And if you’d like to join, or if you’d like more details to help you decide, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/win-your-first-copywriting-job

Self-serving horror advertorial funnel

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I’m not a natural when it comes to marketing of business. So I have to methodically and consciously do those things that might be obvious to others. As an example of what I mean, here’s a story that Dan Kennedy told about a coaching client who no longer liked Dan’s advice:

This coaching client followed all of Dan’s marketing advice.

​​As a result, the client became booked months ahead of time… he had a steady pipeline of new work… and he couldn’t handle any more business than he already had.

“In other words,” Dan once said in front of a crowded room, “this guy didn’t have a marketing problem any more. He had a capacity problem. So what do you think I told him to do? That’s right! I told him to raise his prices. Drive away some of his current clients. Create a vacuum. Then he would have a marketing problem again, and that’s one I know how to solve!”

Like I said, Dan’s coaching client didn’t like this advice. Maybe it wasn’t what he was hoping for. Or maybe it seemed self-serving.

At least that’s the lesson I got from it:

If you’re in business, then the advice you dole out should be self-serving. In other words, don’t offer advice on problems that you cannot fix.

Obvious, right?​​

For example, maybe your problem is that you don’t have enough front-end sales. So if you like, let me offer a bit of advice.

Write what I call a horror advertorial. This is a first-person story that looks and reads like a blog post… full of misery, drama, and suspense… which ties into your offer.

Run Facebook ads, whether text ads or video ads, to your horror advertorial.

Link the advertorial to an offer page that gives all features and benefits of your offer.

And that’s it. Do this process reasonably well, and you will get more front-end sales than you can handle.

For example, the main clients I worked with for over two years used this model over and over. At the high point, they were doing 2,000 front-end sales a day, just by cloning this same funnel for different offers.

More recently, I helped a supplement company with a squeaky-clean image implement this same horror advertorial funnel. As a result, they went from $2k a day in profitable ad spend… to $12k a day.

What’s that?

You don’t like this advice? You don’t think it will work for you? It seems self-serving?

I can understand. But it’s all I got.

On the other hand, if more front-end sales is something you lust after… and the horror advertorial funnel sounds like something you could profit from… well, then that’s a problem I know how to solve. As a first step, sign up for my email newsletter. And then we can talk.

The only two (plus one) points of your copy that people really care about

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I spent today sweating… smiling feebly at other people… and making lame jokes and wondering what I’d gotten myself into.

A weeklong sailing course, that’s what. On a boat, the whole seven days. Except today was the first day, so all we did was sit in the harbor and talk theory.

Theory. How to. For an entire day. ​​

That means I shifted around the deck to catch a bit of shade and to minimize the chances of heat stroke…

I nodded while meaningless nautical terms flew in one ear and out the other…

And I stifled a scream of desperation, just as it looked like we were done for the day, when yet another of my fellow students asked yet another question to clear things up and appear smart. And then watched with even more shock and horror as a followup question flew out of my own mouth also.

Tomorrow we’re supposed to go sailing, but I’m not feeling very excited. The theory day killed it for me.

“Why didn’t they take us out for a little tour first?,” I thought to myself. “It’s a lesson for the future. When I create an experience for people, I’ll make sure the first experience an entertaining demonstration.”

Except maybe it doesn’t matter all that much. Because I read in a psychology book that when human beings evaluate an experience, they only look at two points:

The emotional highlight… and the end.

Which means a weeklong cruise gets reduced to that run-in with the topless French twins in that hidden lagoon… and the quality of the lunch on the last day as you’re pulling back into harbor.

But in any case, the point stands:

When you create an experience, whether that’s a sales letter… a newsletter email… or a course… a few points carry an immoderate amount of weight:

1. The end.

2. The emotional highlight.

3. And the beginning. In the special case, that is, that your audience can walk or swim out of the experience you’re crafting.

Why adults crave drama so much

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I’m not sure I could do this every day. Or that I would want to.

I spent today maneuvering a tiny little sailboat. Sun sea wind.

I am more physically tired now than that time 10 years ago, when I thought it was a good idea to start going to a boxing gym.

But after three days of supposed “sailing” over the past week, which involved either a complete lack of wind or a complete lack of control, I got both wind and some control today. I even hung my ass out of the boat and lay down almost flat on top of the waves, two thirds of me hanging off the side, to keep the thing from capsizing. It worked.

(I still ended up capsizing a few times. They tell me that’s normal.)

But let me get to the point:

​​I’m glad I’m making progress handling the boat. But I’m not sure I could do this every day. I’m too adult. ​​This craving for speed and the spending of physical energy is a kids’ game. I’d rather read a book or watch a movie.

Which brings me to a valuable quote I want to share with you.

​​It’s from playwright David Mamet, who wrote a book about drama that all copywriters should read. (Itsa called Three Uses of the Knife.)

And in the book, David gives the following bit, which is both a rare explanation for why we adults crave drama so much… as well as a reminder to put it in your copy — or suffer the consequences:

“Children jump around at the end of the day, to expend the last of that day’s energy. The adult equivalent, when the sun goes down, is to create or witness drama — which is to say, to order the universe into a comprehensible form. Our sundown play/film/gossip is the day’s last exercise of that survival mechanism. In it we attempt to discharge any residual perceptive energies in order to sleep. We will have drama in that spot, and if it’s not forthcoming we will cobble it together out of nothing.”

Free business idea: 9 Chambers of Pain

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Here’s a free business idea for you to run with, if you so choose:

Just a little over a week ago, a new study was published by scientists at the University of Pittsburgh.

They studied over 21,000 patients who came for treatment at pain management clinics around Pittsburgh.

The scientists measured these poor people… probed them… interrogated them… and then fed all this data into a large tube-based computer.

And then they waited.

36 days later, the computer printed out a result:

There are exactly 9 types of chronic pain.

Such as group F (lower back pain radiating below the knee)… and group D (upper and lower back pain).

Each group varied in the location of pain… the severity of pain… as well as in the severity of other problems that went with the pain, like depression and anxiety.

So here’s my business idea for you:

You create a quiz. “Which unique type explains your chronic pain?”

People go through the quiz. You categorize them into one of 9 groups, based on their physical and emotional symptoms. For extra points, you can give it a Wu Tang flavor, and call it the 9 Chambers of Pain.

And then what?

Then you sell them something that helps them. It can be your own offer or an affiliate offer. For example:

Any kind of anti-inflammation supplement…

Or a course on meditation techniques…

Or a visit to a chiropractic clinic or some kind of other physical restructuring.

And here’s the incredible thing:

You can sell the same thing to all 9 groups. Of course, you say something like,

“Based on your unique scientifically-proven pain type… we recommend a free + shipping bottle of our doctor-formulated turmeric dust.”

As I’ve written before, this quiz => same offer funnel works like magic.

Because people like to feel unique… because they want a new understanding of their chronic problem… and because they aren’t very skeptical or critical when they get this new understanding.

Which is why RealDose Nutrition, the first big-name direct response company I ever worked with, built an 8-figure business in record time on the back of exactly the model I’ve just described to you.

And now, if you like, you can start doing the same. You already have the entire marketing concept. All you need is to decide which helpful product you want to sell… and to be quick, so other people don’t swipe this idea from right in front of your nose.

To end:

If you’d like more Wu Tang-flavored business idea, you best protect ya neck and sign up to my email newsletter here.

The parable of the unfree client

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Legend says the mighty Persian king Bahram Gur once went a-hunting. But he failed to catch even a single wild donkey.

Angry and tired, Bahram Gur, along with his vizier and priest, then happened upon a lovely village.

But nobody came out of the village to greet the great king or offer him food or drink. So in his bad mood, Bahram cursed the village and said,

“May this green prosperous village be a den
of beasts — a wild and uncultivated fen”

The priest at the king’s side lived to make his lord’s wishes come true. And he knew just what to do. So he rode into the village, assembled the people there, and decided to ruin their lives.

“King Bahram is pleased with your village,” he said. “So he has decided to reward you. From now on, all of you are free and equal. Children are equal to adults. Women are equal to men. Workers are equal to headmen.”

The people rejoiced.

A year later, Bahram Gur went a-hunting again in the same country. And he happened upon the once-beautiful village.

But this time, all he saw was a scrawny cat wandering the empty, trash-littered main street. A torn bra dangled from one window. A dirty baby sat on the corner, drinking wine and smoking a cigar.

“What awful thing happened here?” asked Bahram Gur, close to tears. “Priest, make sure these people get whatever they need to repair this once-beautiful village.”

“It shall be done, my lord” said the priest.

And he rode into town, assembled the drunken, dirty, diseased locals, and gave them the gift of order and hierarchy once again.

​​Within a year, the cat fattened up, the streets turned clean, and that dirty baby became an honor student who listened to his parents.

This thousand-year-old story is in part social propaganda. After all, it’s not clear that humans really need to be ruled for peace and harmony to abide. So it makes sense to tell them stories like this to make them believe that’s the case.

But in part, this story is also an allegory about human nature.

Because there’s no denying our brain loves to minimize thinking. And while we might not need order, authority, and hierarchy… we certainly crave those things on some level.

I’ve noticed this with my clients. The more I take charge of the client relationship, the more I tell my clients how it is… the more they respect the work I do, and the more they pay me, without any questions.

But this same idea goes just beyond copywriting client work. So let me leave you with a Bahram-like couplet to sum it up:

“Strip away his freedoms, and make things black and white —
Your prospect will love you, and feel you must be right!”

For more commandments, delivered to your brain each day, just as you’re getting antsy about the lack of order in your life, click here and follow the instructions.

Harmful coping behaviors for smart people

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Bear with me for just a moment while I try to write a bit of empathy copy. In fact, bear with me for just four personal and probing questions:

1. Do you often cover up what you really think and feel, and instead hde behind the ideas of people who are your superiors, or who have more authority than you do?

2. Do you regularly put in extra work on projects you care about, fiddling and futzing forever because you’re afraid to have a single mistake present when the work is delivered or made public?

3. Do you sometimes rely on charm and social sensitivity, listening with attention to important people… or feigning interest in their ideas and their lives… so you can win their approval?

(… and when that approval comes, do you find that it’s hollow? Either because you used charm and guile, rather than relying on your true self… or because people who are really worth a damn don’t have to seek others’ approval to begin with?)

And one final question:

4. Do you have some negative beliefs about the high cost of success? And do you find that that high cost of success is ultimately ok… because you yourself are NOT successful, not really, even in spite of what others might think of you?

If you answered yes to one of these questions… and in particular, if you answered yes to more than one of these questions… then I would like to offer you a diagnosis:

Imposter syndrome.

Because the four questions above describe coping behaviors I dug up in the original science paper that described imposter syndrome. Clance and Imes, 1978.

And here’s something else I got from that paper:

People who come down with a bad case of imposter syndrome tend to fall into two groups:

Group A, the sensitive group. These are people who had a sibling that the parents praised for being smart… while they themselves were praised for being sensitive or socially adept.

Group B, the smart group. People in this group heard from their parents that they can achieve anything they want in life… and that they can achieve it with ease and without effort.

“All right,” I hear you saying, “so what’s with the psychology lesson?””

For one, it’s because Google says there’s been explosion in interest in imposter syndrome. Almost exponential since 2000.

Which makes it possible that you suffer from imposter syndrome yourself. And maybe by reading what I’ve just written, you can understand what’s really going on in your head and in your life.

But this is also a newsletter abut cold-blooded persuasion and marketing. So let me tie it up:

It’s powerful to have your prospects believe that bad things in their life are not their fault. That’s why most every sales letter these days jams that phrase somewhere around the middle. “I’m here to tell you… it’s not your fault.”

But as marketer Rich Schefren says, that’s weak on its best day.

Because if the prospect is not to blame, then who is? Most marketers have no answer to that, or they have an unconvincing answer only.

But I just gave you one option, which is other people in your prospect’s environment or past. Parents, for example. But you probably knew that already.

So I gave you another option, too. I won’t spell it out, but you can find it in this post. And with almost no effort. Because I know you’re smart like that.

And whether you smart or merely very sensitive, I think the cure for imposter syndrome is simple. I reveal it in the pages of my email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

Fake stories in copy

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A man sat down at a classy restaurant. It looked great.

There was a plant next to his table. A big ficus.

“I’ve got one of these at home,” the man said. He passed his fingers over the leaves and—

He realized they were plastic.

The plant looked real, but it was fake. In fact, on closer examination, the man realized the plant looked fake also. There were things that gave it away.

Suddenly, the man found himself questioning the whole restaurant, even before he had a chance to order.

Speaking of ordering, I got a couple questions recently. They were on the topic of, “What do you think of using fake stories in your copy?”

One question had to do with the claim that fake stories are illegal to use.

I don’t know about that. I’m not a lawyer. But I doubt it’s illegal. At most, I think you might have to add some kind of disclaimer, like they do at the bottom of TV commercials. “These are paid fitness models, and they have never used the Ab Rocket and would in fact never use the Ab Rocket.”

So I don’t have a problem with fake stories from a legal standpoint. But I have a problem with them just because they sound fake and made up. Because people will spot a fake story, just like they will spot a fake plant. And then they will doubt everything that follows.

“But what about parables and fairy tales?” That was the second question I got on this topic.

That’s something completely different, I think. Parables are powerful. Pop culture illustrations are great also, even if they come from a comic book or superhero movie. Fairy tales work too, whether you made them up or somebody else did.

The key is the subtext.

A fake plant in a restaurant signals tackiness and makes you doubt the quality of the food.

A fake plant as part of theatrical scenery, during an engrossing play that leaves you with some sort of lingering moral… that’s a welcome aid to imagination, understanding, and maybe, to being persuaded.

Now if you feel persuaded by this fairy tale:

You might like to read some other stuff I write. In that case, you can sign up for my email newsletter.

Silver medal: Writing how you speak

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“A girl I knew was brought up by ‘higher thinking’ parents to regard God as a perfect ‘substance’; in later life she realised that this had actually led her to think of Him as something like a vast tapioca pudding. (To make matters worse, she disliked tapioca).”
C. S. Lewis, Miracles

I chuckled when I first read this story. But then I rubbed my chin a bit. And I held up a finger in the air, like a light bulb had just gone on in my head.

Our human brains cannot see words like development. Instead, we have to imagine a picture, a smell, a sound. Like a skyscraper being built… or the smell of wet grass in April… or Ravel’s Bolero.

But there are some dark clouds on the horizon.

Because without thinking, most of us for reach for words like development and substance all the time, like we reach for popcorn while watching a movie in a dark theater. We reach for these words, even though, like popcorn, they have no body to them.

My point is this:

Popular advice is to write the way you speak.

I say this will get you a silver medal at best.

But if you want a gold medal, then write the way you speak… and then take out words like substance and development. And instead, put in word pictures, of tapioca pudding or half-finished skyscrapers.

Because the bigger the weight you take off the shoulders of your reader, the more likely he is to follow you as you lead him down the sales page… and the more likely he is to add another dollar bill onto the stack of dollar bills that makes up your bank account.

I mean, if your bank account really were made of stacks of dollar bills, instead of bodyless numbers in a computer database. But I think you see what I mean.

Here’s something else you can see:

Each day, I write a little letter. I put it in an envelope and I send it to hundreds of people around the world. Some of these people read my letters… some even chuckle or rub their chins in thought. You can do the same. It’s free. You can sign up, with just your address, by filling out the form here.

Here’s an extra $5,000

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Today more than ever, money is what counts. The cost of living is mounting month by month. You can’t get along on what you have been making.

​​Somehow you’ve simply got to increase your income.

Fortunately for you, thousands of other men and women have proven there is an unfailing way to do it.

​​Train yourself in timeless sales psychology, learn to write copy well, and businesses will be glad to pay you real money for your special knowledge.

You can get the training that will prepare you to be a copywriter in the niche you like best, whatever it may be.

​​You can get it without sacrificing a single day or a dollar from your present occupation.

​​You can get it at home, in spare time, through the International Copywriting Schools.

It is the business of the I.C.S. to prepare people in just your circumstances to become copywriters and make more money.

​​They have been doing it for over 102 years. They have helped tens of thousands of other men and women. They are training over 100 now.

​​Every day, many students write, to tell of big royalty checks and breakthrough controls already won.

You have the same chance they had. What are you going to do with it?

​​Can you afford to let a single priceless hour pass without at least finding out what the I.C.S. can do for you?

​​Here is all I ask — without cost, without obligating yourself in any way, simply take a look at this first free lesson:

https://bejakovic.com/ics