Advertorials

The unmasking of a copywriting replicant

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“You remember when you were six, you and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window, you were gonna play doctor? He showed you his. When it got to be your turn, you chickened out and then ran. Remember that? Did you ever tell anybody that?”

I had a Blade Runner moment a few days ago.

I was watching an episode of The Copywriters Podcast and vague suspicions started bubbling up in my mind.

I realized many of my own ideas, my memories, the advice I keep peddling to others… I realized they’re not my own.

Instead, the guy on this interview, a successful copywriter, well, somehow his ideas seeped into my mind and had influenced a lot of how I write copy, specifically those cold-traffic advertorials I’ve done a million of for the past few years.

The thing is, this copywriter doesn’t have a book or a course for sale, as least as far as I know.

Instead, all those replicant memories in my head got there after I studied a few of his sales letters, along with snippets of his ideas that appeared online.

To make things worse, The Copywriters Podcast interview wasn’t very insightful. Too much David Garfinkel, too little of this original copywriter.

But I just went online. And I found a presentation this copywriter made about 8 years ago. I watched it. My Blade Runner moment intensified. It’s unsettling. But I wouldn’t undo it if I could, because this presentation (short by the way, only about 20 mins) is so full of valuable copywriting platinum and gold.

Maybe this doesn’t mean anything to you. But maybe, if you write copy, particularly for cold traffic, you want to know who this copywriter is.

But that particular bit of incriminating information is something I only revealed to people who were subscribed to my daily email newsletter. In case you want to get on that newsletter, so you don’t miss out on any of my future unmaskings, click here.

Camelopards and soft Facebook advertorials

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Samuel Johnson, who wrote the first great dictionary of the English language, did not like to bathe.

“Mr. Johnson,” said a lady to him once, “you smell!”

“No madam,” retorted Johnson, “you smell. I stink.”

Had Johnson lived today, he might be a hard-working Facebook copywriter. At least that’s how I imagine it, after spending this morning “softening up” an advertorial supposed to run on Facebook traffic.

The original version of the copy mentioned death, bleeding, skin cancer, organ failure, and hospital visits.

The new version looks much the same. But there is no death or bleeding. Skin cancer has become growths on the skin, organ failure is now “internal systems” failure, and hospital visits have morphed into “a trip to the family GP.”

The first version was unacceptable. The second version seems to be acceptable, to Facebook at least.

But here’s the point I want to share with you, which might be useful even if you don’t write FB advertorials:

It pays to write an extreme, un-self-censored first version of your ad.

In other words, your initial draft should stink, not smell.

It’s easy to wave your arms a bit and clear out the stench from a particularly offensive passage. It’s much harder to take a bunch of lukewarm milk and turn it into pungent Limburger.

Finally, do you know what a camelopard is? You will soon. Because here, to close on an educational note, are three unique and precise definitions from that dictionary of Johnson’s:

1. “Camelopard, noun: An Abyssinian animal, taller than an elephant, but not so thick. He is so named, because he has a neck and head like a camel; he is spotted like a pard, but his spots are white upon a red ground. The Italians call him giaraffa.”

2. “Monsieur, noun [French]: A term of reproach for a Frenchman.”

3. “Oats, noun: A Grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.”

All right, one more definition. Email newsletter, noun: A sequence of formatting-free emails, containing content like you’ve just read, arriving once a day to your own inbox. Available here.

If you’re cold and selfish, there’s always hope for you as a copywriter

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There’s an email in my inbox right now from a successful copywriter. In a nutshell, the email says,

“Don’t take Advil if you’re a marketer. It’ll blunt your empathy!”

(Apparently, Advil reduces not only physical pain, but transferred emotional pain, too.)

This is a common trope in the marketing world. “Empathy! Empathy! How else can you connect with your audience?”

But you don’t need empathy to be a good marketer. Case in point: Sociopaths, who have zero empathy, are very good at all kinds of persuasion, including marketing.

(In fact, I suspect some of the marketers who most vocally preach empathy are themselves sociopaths. If you don’t believe me, check out the Salty Droid blog.)

So if you don’t need empathy, then what?

All you need is something called “theory of mind.” That’s the understanding that other people have unique selves, unique ambitions, unique current thoughts, and unique information.

Once you accept this fact, you just have to truffle out where your prospect’s mind is at the moment. You can get there with cold-hearted, robotic research.

No empathy required.

But what if you do have empathy? Does that make you a better marketer? Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe it just makes you useless.

A while back I read an article about Jo Cameron, a nurse from Scotland. Cameron has a happy-go-lucky disposition and literally never feels pain, including empathetic pain.

Speaking about Cameron, a professor from Yale had this to say:

“Empathy can actually get in the way — if you are in terrible pain and I feel so much empathy for you that, being with you, I feel it, too, I may decide to stay home… [Jo Cameron is] my dream girl. She doesn’t feel the pain of others, so she doesn’t feel empathy per se. But she cares for others.”

So if you’re cold and selfish, there’s hope for you as a marketer. It might even be an advantage, as long as you care. At least about making the sale.

All you have to do is learn how to do research, like I mentioned above. This is something I might cover in more detail in my email newsletter. The way to sign up for it is here.

Beto O’Rourke illustrates clever Joe Sugarman idea

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I just listened to a discussion about how to structure an unusual sales letter.

The product on sale is a training video for an AR-15.

That’s a short-barrel assault rifle, in case you don’t know. I didn’t, so I had to look it up online.

A few minutes later, I went on Reddit. And I felt like I was having deja vu.

Because right there on the front page, there were two (countem: 2!) stories about Beto O’Rourke and AR-15s.

Apparently BO’ said something about revoking gun rights in the Dem debate last night.

And one Texas politician tweeted in response, “My AR-15 is ready for you.” (Which I guess you could take in two ways. The obvious, threatening way. Or the conciliatory, “You’re right Beto, come pick up my AR-15” kind of way.)

Anyways, this Beto catfight would make a perfect hook right now for an ad or an advertorial to precede that AR-15 sales letter.

And that’s a general thing you can try to do with all your promotions.

It doesn’t have to be the day’s fleeting news, and it doesn’t have to be as tightly connected to your product as Beto is to AR-15s.

It can also be general current trends that have nothing to do with you or your product.

For example, I remember reading how Joe Sugarman once wrote a press release for snowmobile rentals at a ski resort.

This was back in the late 1960s, when the Women’s Lib movement was dominating the news.

So Joe, intuitive marketing genius that he is, wrote a press release that said:

“Ski Resort Bans Women Snowmobile Drivers”

Why? Because they drive badly and cause accidents.

If I remember correctly, it caused a nationwide uproar. The ski resort was forced to revoke its female-centric ban. But during and after this whole uproar, snowmobile rentals also exploded at the resort.

Something to keep in mind if you’re trying to drum up publicity for your offer.

And if you’re running ads or advertorials, and you want more ideas besides tying them into current news, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

“Half of my copy is wasted but I do not know which half”

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I just read that the US government is deploying the military to fight fake news.

The plan is to spend billions of dollars to create high-tech, military-grade, “Hot or Not” artificial intelligence that can detect fake news automatically.

Good luck to ’em.

Though personally, I’m all for fake news.

After all, that’s kind of how I make my living.

Over the past 9 months, the bulk of my income has been from writing “advertorials” that are shown to Facebook users.

And while I’m not helping get Trump elected (yet), I am writing propaganda that’s pretending to be more or less innocent blog posts.

The similarity between this and “Russian meddling” was so obvious to me that I even considered naming my upcoming book on advertorials, “Fake News Bonanza.”

Anyways, while we are on the topic of advertorials, I want to bring up an ancient proverb.

It’s been attributed to Biblical-era marketers such as John Wannamaker and William Wrigley. It goes something like this:

“I know that half of my advertising is wasted but I do not know which half.”

Luckily, this isn’t just a problem for advertisers who pony up the money to run ads.

It’s also a problem for copywriters, who depend on the success of their copy either 1) to get more work or 2) to get paid.

I found myself in this situation just recently while writing an advertorial for a protein + caffeine shake.

Who’s really buying this thing? And why?

I don’t know. At best, I could write up two versions of the advertorial, one for each of my best guesses on the target market.

So that’s what I did.

The good news is, I can do a little bit better than Messrs. Wrigley and Wannamaker.

Because as a copywriter, you don’t actually have to watch half of your copy go to waste.

It’s enough to simply come up with a new headline (“My new go-to keto breakfast!”)…

A new lead (“Oh no, I’m so late again”)…

And then to watch which of the alternate approaches will prove best.

If you are a copywriter, I hope this little tip helps you double the odds of success, while only costing you 5% more effort.

And if you’re an advertiser — or a copywriter — you might find the following interesting. It’s a sign-up list to get notified when I launch that book on advertorials, which will have much more specific advice about how to make advertorials successful:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

A natural path to heavier testicles

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The first time I got my testosterone levels tested was in 2012.

They came back normal. Even healthy.

I wasn’t pleased.

Because back then, I wasn’t feeling particularly normal or healthy.

I was 32 at the time, but I had less interest in sex than when I was 9 years old.

I wasn’t sleeping very well, and most days I was as tired as a used towel.

And though I did my squats and deadlifts and even hip thrusters, I wasn’t getting much stronger or more muscular.

So regardless of the reassuring lab results, I kept worrying about my testosterone levels. And I kept getting them tested, until predictably, I got one result that said — LOW.

“I knew it!” I said triumphantly.

And I set off on a multi-year crusade to get my already-normal testosterone levels back to normal.

So I loaded up on the grass-fed butter and vitamin A…

I made sure to avoid handling receipts, because, you know, CHEMICALS…

And I constantly scoured the Internet for supplements from the mountains of Peru or the jungles of Cambodia that had some bro science claims about improving your manliness.

Unfortunately, nothing changed.

My testosterone levels stayed mainly normal (“Lies!”) and I didn’t feel much progress in practical terms (“I don’t understand, you want to come over to my place tonight? To watch a movie? Why?”)

There was no saving me. I slowly resigned myself to a life of undiagnosed low testosterone levels.

And then, while browsing a science magazine at lunch, I came across an intriguing medical study:

“YOGURT INCREASES TESTICULAR WEIGHT”

It turns out some scientists, at MIT no less, fed a bunch of undersexed male mice a yogurt made with a specific strain of probiotics.

Result?

Shinier mouse fur.

Lower mouse inflammation.

Heavier mouse testicles (yes, they killed the mice and cut off their testicles and put the testicles on a mice-testicle-sized scale).

And finally: more mouse testosterone!

Now, I bring all this up for two reasons.

First, because, while a caricature, it is all true. The probiotic strain in question is called Lactobacillus reuteri ATCC 6475. ​​A bit of googling will quickly lead you to the MIT study, as well as to a recipe for making your own L. reuteri yogurt (which tastes delicious, and, you know, works, at least in my experience).

But the other reason has to do with copywriting.

Because this post uses the same basic skeleton as an advertorial I wrote recently.

It’s a good skeleton for introducing a new product, particularly one that’s got some science behind it.

If you look over this post, you can probably glean this skeleton easily with your X-ray vision.

But if you cannot, then you will want to read my upcoming book on advertorials, where I will go over this particularly skeleton in detail, along with other go-to skeletons I’ve used for advertorials.

You can sign up here to get notified when I finish and release this book:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Justin Goff and Stefan Georgi critique my advertorial copy

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Do you know the old chestnut about the drunk copywriter?

He was standing under a flashing neon sign that said ADVERTORIAL.

A passing policeman noticed this strange scene.

“What’s going on here?”

“I lost my keys,” said the copywriter.

“Right here, under this flashing ADVERTORIAL sign?” barked the cop.

“No,” the copywriter said softly. “Somewhere out there.” And he waved his arm into the darkness of the night.

Today, I got a copy critique from Justin Goff and Stefan Georgi.

​​Both Justin and Stefan are multi-million dollar marketers and copywriters. And today, they actually critiqued a bunch of different pieces of copy, mine being one of them. They had lots of insightful and valuable things to say.

So for example, I submitted an advertorial I’d written earlier this summer. According to the client I wrote this for, this offer is “profitable at the moment, although not doing crazy numbers.”

Justin was the one who did most of the critiquing for my copy.

“The advertorial copy is pretty good,” he said. “You could tweak it but it won’t bring in a massive win.”

And then he pointed out some opportunities, specifically in the upsell pages and the actual order page. These were things that would take a small amount of work to do, but could yield a 2- to 5-fold increase in profits. At least that’s what the two experts thoughts.

I won’t spell out these proposed changes here.

I just want to point out that if you’re doing a decent job with copy, then that’s probably not where your lost keys are hiding.

I mean, that’s not where your biggest improvements lie.

And that’s why it doesn’t make sense to keep looking for them under the flashing ADVERTORIAL sign, even though the light is best there.

Instead, you might have to wander out into the darkness that is the rest of your sales funnel. ​​In case you want some help with that, and you want to know the advice that Justin and Stefan gave me, you might like my upcoming guide on writing advertorials. To get notified when it’s out, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Are your headlines missing these 10 must-have ingredients?

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Real quick today, I wanted to share 10 ingredients for better headlines, along with some examples from advertorials I’ve written recently:

#1. The no. 1 headline driver

When in doubt, go with a “how to” headline. Why? because people have problems and are always looking for solutions to those problems. In other words, use benefits and appeal to self-interest. Example:

“How to prevent ticks from biting and infecting your dog”

#2. “In search of”

I remember some famous direct response copywriter once saying that a decent headline should, at the very least, flag down the correct audience. Even if you don’t talk about benefits or problems, make sure you laser in on the person you want to attract. Example:

“Women with large breasts lecturing me”

#3. Sea salt for headlines

You can’t live by eating salt alone. But it sure makes many dishes taste better. Same with curiosity in headlines. Use it in combination with self-interest and watch the sales drip in. Example:

“I started a new gym habit — then almost gave it up for this stupid reason”

#4. Sticking a spoke in your reader’s mental wheel

I’ve written about this before — using juxtaposition/contrast/paradox is like sticking a spoke in your reader’s mental wheel. It forces him to stop and pay attention in order to resolve the apparent confusion. Example:

“Canine projectile”

#5. The Hallmark approach

If you turn on the Hallmark Channel at any time of day, what will you see? Sappy, human-interest stories. And it works in advertorial headlines, too. Example:

“My family was being devoured by mosquitoes — but this little gizmo saved us”

#6. “The Real World” secret

“Next week, on The Real World…’ Drama. Sex. Conflict. Some things seem to appeal to us on a primal level and don’t need any added justification. So work them into your headlines. Example:

“How I wash blood stains out of my clothes WITHOUT laundry detergent”

#7. A mysterious origin story

As a species, we seem to love reading about accidental and improbable discoveries. If your product has such a mysterious origin story, feature it in the headline. Example:

“The plantar fasciitis secret of an Orangetheory Fitness freak”

#8. Trash talking the competition

If you’re selling a new product to fix an old problem, highlight that fact in your headline by separating yourself from the existing solutions. Example:

“Why security cameras can actually invite robberies — and how I defend my home instead”

#9. Addressing objections

“Yeah, I know I have to take care of my dog’s teeth. But I hate doing it so much. Wait, what? I don’t have to go through the hassle?” If you’re solving a problem that raises a knee-jerk objection, address that in the headline. Example:

“Why your dog should brush her own teeth”

#10. Headline Kryptonite

Prices should never go in the headline of long-form copy, right? Wrong. At least if you do your own testing, and see what works in your specific case. Example:

“How this $14 alarm saved me from a creep at 2am”

And there ya go. 10 ways to write better advertorials headlines along with some examples ot get your headline juices dripping. Mix and match them for best results.

And if you want a more thorough look at how to research, write, and publish profitable story-based advertorials, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Science, Skrillex, and sexy sales copy

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I killed three mosquitoes this afternoon. The little bastards are suddenly everywhere.

I wish some secret government agency would fly planes overhead and spray a cloud of toxic dust over my house to keep me from getting bitten and buzzed.

But until that happens, I guess I’ll have to blast some Skrillex.

No joke.

A science paper from 2016 found that Skrillex’s “Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites” prevents mosquito bites.

The scientists think it’s the way high pitched and low pitched frequencies change in the song.

They found that mosquitoes listening to Skrillex wanted to have less mosquito sex… Communicated less with mosquito neighbors… And were less hungry for mosquito food ie. human blood.

(I just listened to the song. It’s annoying. I can understand why it would make mosquitoes lose their instinct for living.)

Anyways, here’s why I bring this up:

I found out this bit of mosquito knowledge a few days ago while writing an advertorial for a “hypersonic mosquito repellent bracelet.”

People love a scientific explanation backed by research. It’s one of those things that taps into an automatic human response, just like sex.

So I use scientific research whenever possible in my copy.

Thing is, ya can’t always do it, not with the random ecommerce products like the ones I’ve been promoting.

But when it is possible, like with the mosquito bracelet, I make sure to make the scientific research the nail from which I hang the rest of the advertorial.

If you are writing sales copy, even advertorials, this is something to try as well.

By the way, I am still (slowly) putting together my upcoming guide on how to write successful story-based advertorials. If you wanna get notified when it’s out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

2 advertorial lessons from Joe Sugarman’s BluBlockers

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Right now, I’m looking at a pair of ugly, orange, bug-like sunglasses that are lying on my desk.

I’ve only worn them a few times in my life.

Each time, people made fun of me for how stupid I looked.

The glasses in question are called BluBlockers, and they are the brainchild of one Joe Sugarman.

Joe is a big-time direct marketer. He initially made lots of money in the 1970s selling electronic gadgets such as digital watches, pocket calculators, and programmable thermostats.

But none of it compared to BluBlockers, which became a $300 million bug-eyed behemoth.

And it all started with a single ad that Joe wrote, which ran under the headline “Vision Breakthrough.”

This ad offers (at least) two big lessons if you are writing advertorials today.

The first is curiosity.

Joe keeps going on about how incredible it is to look at the world through the BluBlockers.

Everything seems sharper.

Clearer.

More vibrant.

Of course, he can describe it all he wants. You’ll never know what it’s like to actually wear these hideous things until you put them on.

And that, according to Joe himself, was one of the main reasons why people bought the BluBlockers initially.

This curiosity approach is something I’ve tried in several recent advertorials for physical products. One was for a way for women to create boob cleavage even if they are flat-chested. The other was for an all-natural, all-effective way to wash clothes without detergent (“I don’t know how it gets clothes this clean, but it works”).

The other lesson I drew from Joe’s “Vision Breakthrough” ad is both more practical and more broadly applicable than simple curiosity.

I won’t spell out what it is here.

But I will include it in an upcoming report on advertorials I am preparing.

For now, you might be interested in another kind of secret.

Such as how to write simple 3-sentence applications that win you $150/hr jobs on Upwork.

You can find the answer to that in my Upwork book, which is still available on Amazon.

But come tomorrow, it will go underground, only to reappear later, in much the same form, but off Amazon, and at a much higher price.

In case you want to grab this book while it’s still cheap and available, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book