Samuel Johnson, who wrote the first great dictionary of the English language, did not like to bathe.
“Mr. Johnson,” said a lady to him once, “you smell!”
“No madam,” retorted Johnson, “you smell. I stink.”
Had Johnson lived today, he might be a hard-working Facebook copywriter. At least that’s how I imagine it, after spending this morning “softening up” an advertorial supposed to run on Facebook traffic.
The original version of the copy mentioned death, bleeding, skin cancer, organ failure, and hospital visits.
The new version looks much the same. But there is no death or bleeding. Skin cancer has become growths on the skin, organ failure is now “internal systems” failure, and hospital visits have morphed into “a trip to the family GP.”
The first version was unacceptable. The second version seems to be acceptable, to Facebook at least.
But here’s the point I want to share with you, which might be useful even if you don’t write FB advertorials:
It pays to write an extreme, un-self-censored first version of your ad.
In other words, your initial draft should stink, not smell.
It’s easy to wave your arms a bit and clear out the stench from a particularly offensive passage. It’s much harder to take a bunch of lukewarm milk and turn it into pungent Limburger.
Finally, do you know what a camelopard is? You will soon. Because here, to close on an educational note, are three unique and precise definitions from that dictionary of Johnson’s:
1. “Camelopard, noun: An Abyssinian animal, taller than an elephant, but not so thick. He is so named, because he has a neck and head like a camel; he is spotted like a pard, but his spots are white upon a red ground. The Italians call him giaraffa.”
2. “Monsieur, noun [French]: A term of reproach for a Frenchman.”
3. “Oats, noun: A Grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.”
All right, one more definition. Email newsletter, noun: A sequence of formatting-free emails, containing content like you’ve just read, arriving once a day to your own inbox. Available here.