Business Ideas

Flattery is to listening as sincere compliments are to…?

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Today I have an idea that might help you if you ever talk to friends, clients, or even random strangers like your wife or husband.

I thought of it yesterday when I saw a family of three walking in the park.

Mom was trying to have a serious conversation with dad. Meanwhile, their 8-year-old daughter kept trying to get mom’s attention:

“Mom! Mom! Mom!”

So in between sentences to dad, mom put her hand on the back of the little girl’s head and said, “Tell me, sweetie.”

The girl rattled off a few sentences, a typical 8-year-old’s story that goes nowhere.

“That’s great,” the mom said. And then she picked up the conversation with dad right where she had left off.

Meanwhile the daughter, satisfied at having made an important point, went back to playing and left her parents to talk in peace for a few moments.

A few days ago, I wrote that flattery works great. Well, so does listening, even if you only make a show of it. That’s what I was seeing in that family scene above.

But just as sincere compliments are a step beyond flattery… there’s also a step beyond listening.

Negotiation coach Jim Camp called it blank slating.

That’s when you drop your preconceived assumptions and ideas… give the other party your full attention… and allow them to draw on your mental etch-a-sketch.

Camp thought blank slating is so important that he made it a cornerstone of his negotiation system, which was used in billion-dollar deals as well as in hostage situations (FBI’s Chris Voss was one of Camp’s students).

Blank slating is not easy. But with practice, it becomes possible.

Except… why? Why go to the trouble?

If plain old, in-one-ear-and-out-the-other listening works already… why put in the effort and practice needed to blank slating?

Only this:

Because you’ll uncover information you wouldn’t uncover otherwise.

And this:

Because you’ll build deeper rapport.

And this:

Because your own brain might kick in, and produce new options and alternatives you hadn’t thought of when you entered this situation.

Finally, because you might avoid some real bad situations on occasion. Speaking of which, here’s a bit of barber-shop humor that comedian Norm MacDonald once did on Conan O’Brien:

I looked in the mirror and all I see is a fat old man.
So I says to my wife, I says to her:
Sweetheart I feel old and fat.
I need you to give me a real compliment.
So she says, your eyesight is perfect!
So I says to her, you dirty dog!

Now let me leave you with another analogy:

Listening is to this blog… as blank slating is to…?

If you said my daily email newsletter, you win the prize for most attentive and open-minded. Click here in case you’d like to sign up.

Where to go when a negotiation hits no

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Do you dread having to negotiate?

Is it worse than having to take a cold shower in the middle of January in a bathroom without heating?

If so, maybe the following news item will help:

Women’s tennis world no. 2 Naomi Osaka just shocked the world by withdrawing from the French Open. As you might know, the French Open is one of the four Grand Slams, the biggest tennis tournaments of the year.

It all started a week ago, a few days before the French Open began.

That’s when Osaka wrote a post on Instagram, saying she won’t do press appearances during the tournament. Talking to the press is harmful to her mental health, Osaka said, and it feels like kicking a person when they’re down.

This created a lot of buzz in the tennis world.

A few days later, the French Tennis Federation, along with the other organizing bodies of the Grand Slam tournaments, put out a statement.

They offered support to Osaka, but also said she would be fined each time she failed to talk with the press. The fines would escalate. Eventually, Osaka could be disqualified from the tournament, and even banned from participating in future Grand Slams.

That’s when Naomi Osaka decided to withdraw.

​​She wrote to the tournament organizers for not explaining her position in a better way. And she said she wants to work together in finding a solution. But for now, she is taking time off the court.

To which the French Tennis Federation made its own statement. They said they were sad and sorry at Osaka’s decision, and they want to work with athletes to ensure their well-being. They wish Osaka all the best, and they look forward to seeing her next year.

I don’t know what the outcome of this will be. I just want to point out that everything in life, at least anything that has to do with another person, is a negotiation.

And like negotiation coach Jim Camp used to say, negotiation starts with no.

This is not a matter of hard-line posturing, or telling people to take it or leave it, or walking away.

But real negotiation starts with no. And it doesn’t end with yes.

When I first heard Jim Camp say this, it sounded bizarre or intentionally contrarian. But when you look at negotiations in the real world, like the Naomi Osaka situation above, it becomes obvious Camp is right.

Naomi said no.

Then the tournament organizers came back and said no in their own terms.

Then Naomi came back, and said no in a different way.

And all throughout, the two parties are still engaged, are still talking, and are still working together to reach an agreement.

The question then is how to best manage that process.

What do you do when the other side says no… and you say no… and yet you both have an interest in working together in some way?

The best guide I know for that is Camp’s book, of course titled Start With No.

​​It lays out a system for negotiation, so you can get to an outcome you want, while minimizing that “cold bathroom” feel.

Plus if you write sales copy, this book might have the knock-on effect at making you more persuasive. (A couple of million-dollar marketers say this book is their favorite copywriting book, even though it never mentions the topic.)

Fair warning:

Camp’s book is dense and it might take multiple reads to grasp. But in case you’re curious, here’s the link for more info:

https://bejakovic.com/start-with-no

Dan Kennedy and a Lamborghini inside this post I’ve just written

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Dan Kennedy stood up in front of a packed room of marketers and said,

“Let me tell you how cheap Fred Catona is.”

Dan was supposed to be giving a dutiful introduction for billion-dollar direct marketer Fred Catona. But somewhere it all went wrong.

“He gives me this ridiculous introduction to read for him,” Dan said while holding multiple sheets of paper, “and he only puts a 20 in it.” And from among the papers, Dan pulled out a $20 bill to prove his point.

Turns out this was a joke. Dan and Fred were close friends.

But it is instructive, right? Because it’s such a pattern interrupt from the way introductions are usually done:

“We’re very pleased to have Mr. XY with us tonight. Mr XY went to such-and-such elite university…”

“… he is a close friend and confidant of celebrity Z and power-broker H…”

“… he has worked with billion-dollar clients such as A and B and C.”

And then humble Mr. XY, with his killer resume revealed, comes out on stage, blushing and yet pleased. He takes the mic and says, “Wow, thank you for that wonderful introduction…”

My point is this:

Association is the most powerful mechanisms of the human mind, that I know of at least.

You put two things together. Just once, and not even for very long. And the human brain starts to make connections between them. Properties of one seep into the other. Causal links form. A halo appears.

So that’s why, if you went to Harvard… if you hung out with Tony Robbins once… if you ever had a Lamborghini in your garage, whether owned or rented… well, you should highlight those things to people you just met, or who just found you online.

Or even better, have somebody else highlight it, so you don’t have to do it. It will make you seem both powerful and humble. Well, unless you get somebody like Dan Kennedy to read out your list of accomplishments.

And what if you have no accomplishments?

Then find cool, impressive, or elite people… institutions… or ideas to associate yourself with. It can be the flimsiest of associations, and it will still help your standing.

That’s my simple tip for you for today.

A more complex tip, for another day, is to be careful.

​​Because association is not the only mechanism in the human brain. And if people start to associate you as that guy who always shows off his Lamborghini, well, that can lead to new challenges of its own. But more about that another time.

If you want to read that other time:

You might like to know that several Agora copywriters, famous Internet marketing gurus, and 8-figure entrepreneurs read my daily email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

Why I unthinkingly watched a 2-hour documentary, and how you can use this to sell more without selling

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“‘Violets always mean man,’ said one girl to another in a Broadway florist’s recently. ‘If a girl wears violets once, it may be accident; twice coincidence; after that it means a man.'”
— New York Sun, May 7, 1905

It might mean “man” even at just two violets. For example:

Last night, I went on YouTube. On the front page, I saw a thumbnail for a 2-hour-long documentary about Gordon Ramsay. I clicked to watch it immediately.

Trust me, there’s a reason why you might care about this. And it’s because of the big question:

Why?

After all, I’ve never seen Gordon Ramsay’s TV show. I have no emotional attachment to the man or his public persona. And I don’t care about celebrity chefs or celebrity cooking.

So why did I unthinkingly click and watch this 2-hour documentary?

The reason is a podcast I’d listened to the day earlier. It was all about how Gordon Ramsay’s TV show is a great illustration of control techniques.

If you’re curious about those control techniques, I will tell you my big takeaway about them tomorrow.

My point for today is simply this:

Two seemingly independent sources can often get compliance where one source can’t, regardless of the amount of persuasive arguments.

I bet that last sentence is as clear as a marble wall. So let me give you an illustration of what I’m trying to say:

A couple of years ago, I found out about a new email newsletter. It was called Daily Insider Secrets, and it was about Internet marketing.

I signed up. And that’s how I first heard the name Rich Schefren. Rich was one of the guys behind the newsletter.

I kept reading the emails. I found them interesting. And then came the pitch:

A big campaign, trying to sell me something, using a multi-day launch, hours of video, thousands of words of copy. Many, many persuasive arguments, which I didn’t even look at. (Silly me right? It’s kind of my job. But I’m slow to learn.)

Anyways, here’s the climax:

A few months later, a copywriter whose emails I read did an interview with Rich Schefren. And I decided to watch the interview, because I already knew Rich’s name from the Daily Insider Secrets emails, which I found interesting.

Forty minutes later, after I finished watching the interview, I was pulling out my credit card to buy Rich’s offer. The same one I had completely ignored earlier. Even though Rich only mentioned it in passing during the interview.

Coincidence? I’d say “man”.

Because Rich doesn’t just do these interviews for kicks or as a way to kill time. He does them to get his name out there, in multiple formats and multiple channels. And that’s my point for you today:

If you’re trying to sell something, get your name out there, in two channels, or three, or more.

You will reach more prospects, sure. But you will also convert prospects you’ve already reached, but who wouldn’t buy from you otherwise. And you won’t even have to sell hard to do it.

Because your prospects will just think it was all just a happy coincidence. You and I will know the truth, though. We will know it was man.

Now here’s something that’s probably not going to work:

I have an email newsletter. You can sign up for it by clicking here. I don’t expect you to do it, because odds are, this is the first and only channel you’ve seen my name so far. But maybe I will get you later, in some other format.

Beware “spiritual” and “heart-centered” customers

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Time for a personal revelation:

I went to college in Santa Cruz, California, a place filled with weed-smoking, patchouli-burning, beatific-smiling hippies. And I remember talking to my roommate at the time about the following paradox.

As a group, hippies claim to be all about peace, love, and understanding. But at an individual level, they tend to be some judgmental, closed-minded, and often nasty people.

Bah. Who knows. Maybe I was just projecting.

Anyways, I remembered this today because of something I heard Todd Herman say.

I’d never heard of Herman until today. Apparently he’s a big deal. He works with Olympic athletes and became a success in spite of his dyslexia. And now he runs successful online programs teaching you how to peakify your performance.

These are quality programs, says Herman, with low refund rates. But some people do refund, and Herman wanted to see if there are any patterns here.

So Herman tracked down the social profiles of the refunders. He wanted their Twitter and Facebook self-descriptions. He took these and dumped them all into a big file, and then put this into some software for creating a tag cloud.

And what came out? Who were the people who were buying and then returning these programs, which Herman says most everyone else is thrilled with?

Well, draw your own conclusions. But according to Todd Herman, two phrases kept cropping up in these social profile bios:

1. “Heart-centered”

and

2. “Spiritual”

This personally confirms my previous biases… but even so. If you sell anything online, it might be good for you to know, and might save you some frustration.

And now, here’s my (qualified) pitch to you:

I heard Todd Herman talk about this during his Steal Our Winners segment.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that once a month, I plug Steal Our Winners. That’s because each month, Rich Schefren manages to get six or seven top-level marketers to share a tip or trick or even strategy that’s working really well for ’em right now.

In a normal month, I find at least three or four segments to be really interesting.

But not so this month. This month, I only found Todd Herman’s part interesting. Herman talked about a clever system he has for getting his customers to reveal their deep seated motivations, in their own words.

It might not sound like breakthrough stuff… but if you do do it, it will make your audience say, “Wow… it’s like you’re reading my mind. How did you do that?” And that’s good for sales… as well as your relationship with your audience.

So that’s my qualified pitch for Steal Our Winners. Most months, you get at least 3 or 4 good and genuinely new ideas. Some months though, you might only get one.

But however many good ideas you get, they won’t be worth anything unless you implement them. On the other hand, if you implement even one, it will certainly be worth much more than the low, low price of a Steal Our Winners subscription.

How low are we talking about? Actually, I don’t know. I signed up for a lifetime subscription a while ago, and the price may have gone up since.

But I do know you can try out Steal Our Winners for one month, and listen to Todd Herman’s interview if you like, for an unthinkable fee of $1 (yes, one dollar). In case you’re interested, here’s where to go:

https://www.bejakovic.com/sow​​

Marketing barter?

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Trending on Twitter this morning:

“Fans are pointing out that actor Leonardo DiCaprio looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.”

I found this funny. The truth of course is more mundane. Apparently the New York Post said DiCaprio looked “unrecognizable in first photos of new Scorsese film.” Fans disagreed.

So I got to wondering:

Maybe clever headlines like this are standard for the Twitter “Trending” sidebar. What do I know?

All I have is a secret Twitter account, which I never use. (This morning I wound up on Twitter by following a link in an Axios newsletter.) This is in spite of hearing a lot hype for Twitter, both as a great place to get yer news and to connect with smart people. And maybe even to drum up business.

Fact is, I’ve got a bunch of marketing holes like this.

I’m not on Instagram… I only use Facebook to spy on different groups… I know little about PR… and I’ve never ever created or promoted a continuity program.

Which got me thinking about an idea:

I call it marketing barter.

Imagine your typical flea market. An empty parking lot, where you go with a little blanket and lay out what you’ve got for sale.

You then walk around, and you look at what others have for sale on their little blankets.

Maybe something catches your eye. “Hm. A vegan, American-made sleeping pill for dogs. Interesting.”

So you talk to the owner a bit. And you come up with ideas to help with his marketing. Maybe you promise to get him free publicity with a Reddit astroturfing campaign. Maybe you offer to set up and promote a funnel for autoship.

And then you ask if in exchange he would be willing to write the sales letter for your new “Power Aromatherapy For Life Coaches” course… or if not, what he would be willing to do for you in turn.

Finally, if you both agree, you exchange services.

It could be copywriting. It could be funnels. It could be stuff you’re an expert in… or it could be stuff you want to practice, but don’t have a product that’s suitable for (eg. you want to practice PR, but you don’t have a product that has wide-enough appeal or that can stand public scrutiny.)

I can hear Derek Zoolander asking:

But why barter?

Well, promoting your own stuff is hard for many people, myself included. (I started thinking about this marketing barter idea recently… after finally completing the sales letter for my bullets course. It took me almost two months to do.)

But it’s not just the futzing and fumbling that goes with promoting your own stuff.

There’s just a lot of value in having an outside opinion. We are all too close to what we sell. That’s one of the main reasons why hiring a marketing consultant or outside copywriter makes sense.

And I feel that this marketing barter idea could help with both of the above points. That’s why.

And there’s Zoolander butting in again:

But why barter? Why not just pay for marketing services if you need them?

I don’t have a great answer for that. That’s why I’m writing today’s email. I want to hear what you think, and if you have any advice for me about how I should pursue or develop this idea.

And if you’re curious how this idea progresses, or if you want another idea (or two) about marketing and copywriting, you might like to join my email newsletter (thank God, no Twitter).

F for Frank Abagnale

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My headline today is a play on F For Fake. That was a documentary Orson Wells made about frauds, forgers, and fakers, himself included. And it ties into some real news about Frank Abagnale.

You’ve probably heard that name. Frank Abagnale is the real-life guy whose story was told by Steven Spielberg in Catch Me If You Can.

Between the ages of 16 and 20, Frank impersonated an airline pilot, a doctor, a lawyer, and a college professor. He traveled all around the world… broke the hearts of lovely stewardesses… and lived rich by passing fake checks.

Even if you don’t approve of Frank’s crimes, I bet you enjoyed the movie based on Frank’s life. And maybe you even had a bit of sympathy for his daring and boyish charm, at least as portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio.

Except… maybe… it never happened?

I don’t mean the movie stretched the truth.

I mean, maybe Frank’s story of fraud and forgery was all a fake, from day one?

According to some guy writing for WHYY, an NPR subsidiary, it’s all a big lie. Frank Abagnale never did any of those exciting and romantic things we know him for. Well, he did pass a few bad checks, and he did stalk a stewardess for a while. But that’s about where the romance ends.

And it gets crazier because:

Apparently this was well-known back in the 70s. That’s when a few newspapers published articles to debunk Frank’s grandiose claims.

But it didn’t hurt none. Frank’s legend grew through self-promotion, and grew, and grew, until he took over Hollywood.

This is similar to the story I wrote about a few weeks ago, about psychic Uri Geller, and James Randi, the guy who debunked him. But my message for you today is less controversial than what I wrote back then.

My message today is simply a business truth:

You don’t succeed because you create and deliver a superior product or service. The world will not beat a path to your door.

Instead, you succeed because you create and deliver superior marketing.

This is true whether you’re a computer engineer, a consultant, a copywriter… or as Frank Abagnale’s story shows, even a con man. As Frank’s dad puts it in a famous scene from Catch Me If You Can:

Frank’s dad: You know why the Yankees always win, Frank?

Frank: Cause they have Mickey Mantle?

Frank’s dad: Nah. It’s cause the other teams can’t stop staring at those damn pinstripes.

And if you need ideas for superior marketing:

You might like the ideas I share in my email newsletter. Click here to give it a try.

The thinking man’s horoscope

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Detailed and Reliable — LOW
Nurturing – LOW
Tough — LOW

Today I went through a part of Ray Dalio’s personality test. It takes 40 minutes to complete. I gave up after just 10. But based on those 10 minutes, Dalio’s test still spit out an uninspiring estimate of who I am (results above).

You’ve probably heard of Dalio. He’s a billionaire investor. A few years ago, he wrote an influential book about his way of thinking, called Principles. Well, now he has released a free online personality test, called Principles You.

Dalio got enthusiastic about personality tests a while back. He started by giving a bunch of his employees the Myers-Briggs.

“It gives you clarity of how people think!” Dalio said.

And to prove his point, he had those same employees fill out a survey after they got the test results. “How accurately does this describe the way you think?” 85% gave it a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-5.

Impressive, except:

If you’ve been reading my blog over the past few weeks, you’ll know I recently wrote about cold reading. That’s when you tell people something about themselves without knowing anything about them.

In the very first cold reading experiment, all the way back in 1949, 39 students were all given the same personality profile. It came straight out of a horoscope.

And after reading their profile, 34 out of 39 students gave the profile either a 4 or a 5 on a scale of 1-5. That’s 87%. A finding that has been replicated since, and not just by Dalio.

But what the hell do I know?

I’m just some guy. And Ray Dalio is a billionaire.

​​Maybe his Principles You test really is more useful and accurate than a horoscope.

Either way, all I really want to suggest is that, up and down the success and skepticism ladders, people love categorizing others… and they LOOOVE being categorized themselves.

I think those two loves come from very different drives. I won’t get into that here. But I will leave you with this:

Entire businesses have been built by putting people into buckets. (Michael Gerber’s E-Myth comes to mind.) And if you need a unique mechanism… or you need a unique position in the market… then perhaps you can get started by creating a new diagnostic test. My suggestion for a name? Buckets You.

On a related note:

If you are honest, ambitious, and reliable, then you might get a lot of value out of subscribing to my email newsletter. Click here to try it out.

Eleemosynary enlightenment

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The atmosphere around the large conference table was tense.

At one end sat a team of lawyers, dressed in three-piece suits and aggressively staring down the table.

At the other end sat a bunch of sloppy-looking beatnik types, trying to keep calm but obviously nervous.

The time was the late 1930s. The place was Hollywood. The lawyers were studio lawyers. The beatnik types were studio animators, trying to form a union. Among them was Chuck Jones, the famous director of all those Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons.

Jones really didn’t want to be there. He certainly didn’t want to start trouble.

And then one of the lawyers stood up. He stalked down to where the animators were huddled together. And he slammed his hand down on the table.

“One thing I want to make eminently clear,” he said. “Mr. Schlesinger is NOT running an eleemosynary institution.”

Leon Schesinger was the head of the studio. That much was clear. But what about that eleemosynary? What the hell did that mean?

“I loved words always,” Jones said later. “And I knew what he was doing.”

Jones felt like he was being played, manipulated, made to feel small and dumb. Like his vocabulary was small. Which it wasn’t!

In a flash, this sense of injustice boiled up and over. And Jones, very unlike himself, stood up, slammed his own hand down on the table, and started to yell.

“What do you mean by that word!”

The lawyer took a step back. “It… it means a charitable organization.”

Jones kept yelling. “Well why in the damn hell didn’t you just say that? How dare you use a word like that? We’re supposed to be working together here to try to solve a problem!”

The other animators suddenly took courage also. A team spirit was forming, thanks to Chuck Jones’s unexpected outburst.

The meeting didn’t go anywhere. After it was over, Jones expected he would be fired for his combativeness and troublemaking. And sure enough, he was called down immediately to Leon Schlesinger’s office.

But it wasn’t what Jones expected. ​​

“I want to apologize,” said Schlesinger. “The lawyer didn’t understand we were trying to work this thing out together.”

The negotiations continued for some time after that. The animators kept together, with Jones at their head, all starting with that fight that Jones decided to pick. And eventually, Schesinger signed the contract allowing his workers to unionize.

My point for tonight is enlightenment. In other words, I don’t want to push a one-sided but misleading conclusion from the story above.

Instead, I want to throw out the idea that in complex situations, like in dealing with people, there is no single best way to proceed in all situations.

So in the interest of enlightenment, since we’ve already heard from Chuck Jones, let me leave you with some words to the other extreme. They come from that great philosopher of human nature, Dale Carnegie:

“You cannot win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. […] Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.”

And one final thought for tonight:

If you want more complex and multi-sided negotiation and marketing advice, you might like to try out my email newsletter.

The story behind Gary Halbert’s “foreplay secret”

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In 2004, Gary Halbert wrote a sales letter for a book he had published, titled Killer Orgasms. And in this sales letter, Gary had the following bullet:

* A little known foreplay secret (only recently revealed by a world famous female sex therapist) that gives a man a foolproof method which makes certain his woman will have an explosive orgasm… every time they make love!

If you read Gary’s book, which I’ve done, you will find no reference to a world-famous female sex therapist.

​​So where the hell did Gary get that bit? Did he just write the bullets, expecting to fill in the book later, and just forgot to include the therapist?

It turns out no.

Rather, Gary didn’t really write that bullet. Instead, he was copying John Carlton, and a sales letter John wrote back around 1997.

​​John’s sales letter was for a Rodale book titled, Sex: A Man’s Guide. Here’s the original bullet:

* The “Pre-Coital Secret” (only recently made public by a famous female sex therapist) that breaks the code on giving any woman an explosive orgasm… every time you make love! Page 114.

So what’s going on?

Sex: A Man’s Guide sold well for Rodale. But I guess it didn’t fit well into their product catalog.

So within a couple of years, Rodale was no longer publishing the Sex book. The book went on to be published by Berkley Books, which is part of the Penguin Group. As far as I understand, that almost certainly means John’s sales letter was no longer being mailed — and never would be again.

And since Gary and John were partners, Gary took John’s bullets, twisted a few words, and there was his ad. Including the world-famous-but-absent female sex therapist.

Now here’s why this story may be relevant to you:

If you’re working for a client, and you see that they are not using or abusing an asset to its full potential… then maybe that’s an opportunity for you to step in.

And no, I’m not saying to steal your client’s business. But if your client cannot or will not take advantage of a certain opportunity, and there are plenty such, then I feel there’s no moral boundary being transgressed if you jump all over it.

And maybe you can even reuse some of the marketing. Just remember to take out the incriminating therapist.

By the way, I’m writing about this because it’s near to my heart. As I wrote a while ago, a client I work for is not taking advantage of several seemingly profitable opportunities.

So should I jump all over these opportunities?

​​Maybe.

But I first need a Gary Halbert to my John Carlton. So if you’ve got skills (particularly media buying) or if you’ve got money (particularly, money that’s not going to next month’s rent or child support), then maybe you and I should talk.