Old people in ridiculous t-shirts

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I was a little shocked when my grandfather opened the door.

He was of mixed Croatian and Italian heritage, as white as they come, and at the time of this story, probably well into his 70s.

When going outside, he would usually wear a suit and a tie. But on this occasion, he opened the door wearing his home outfit — sweatpants and a t-shirt.

And not just any t-shirt.

It was FUBU — “For Us, By Us” — the Afrocentric brand that flourished in the U.S. thanks to being plugged by rappers such as LL Cool J.

This wasn’t the only case of senior clothing mismatch I’ve seen in Croatia.

A few weeks ago I saw an ancient woman, probably born in the Austro-Hungarian empire, wearing a t-shirt that read, “FETISH.”

And around the same time I saw a grey-haired, middle-aged man with a t-shirt that said, “Bitch better have my money.”

Now, I think these cases are all funny.

And I guess I am not the only one. Because juxtaposition — basically putting two things together — is an almost-mechanical way to create humor out of nothing. A shirt that says FETISH is at best trashy. An 80-year old woman wearing a shirt that says FETISH… well, that’s content.

Two points I wanna bring up:

Juxtaposition doesn’t always make for humor. But if you juxtapose things that are different enough, you’re at least going to get some shock or wonder (“The unique world of gay rodeo”).

Second: humor, curiosity, shock, wonder, and juxtaposition are all great things to include on occasion in your sales copy.

They will make people enjoy reading what you have to say, so your audience forms a stronger bond with you.

But they are not a crutch you should rely on endlessly.

And except in personality-based emails or blog posts (such as this one), they are still best paired with that most fundamental direct response driver — self-interest — in order to be effective.

And with that, let me juxtapose an important final point:

If you want to see some examples of serious sales copy that uses light juxtaposition in an effective and sales-producing way, you might like the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The quick and easy marketing lesson hiding under Harry Potter’s robes

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A few days ago, I watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for the first time.

Odds are, you know all about Harry Potter.

But just in case, let me summarize the first 20 minutes of the movie for you:

Harry is an unloved and unlovable dork. He’s 12 years old and the most distinctive features about him are his John Lennon glasses and his Ringo Starr haircut. In other words, this kid ain’t going nowhere.

And then he gets a letter in the mail.

“You are a wizard, Harry Potter”

Within a whirlwind few days, Harry suddenly comes into talent, money, connections, plus he’s famous and good at sports. Oh — and he gets to wear some snazzy black robes.

So what’s the lesson hiding under all this?

Well, this Harry Potter fantasy is the human condition.

We are all unloved and unlovable in different ways.

We trudge on through life, smiling and putting on a brave face. But deep down, we all keep a bit of hope that we too will get a letter in the mail saying:

“All your problems have been solved, starting NOW! By a magical accident, you are now beautiful and talented and admired and by the way all your money problems have been solved from here to eternity!”

Admit it.

That would be a sweet letter to get, if you could at all believe that it’s true.

Trouble is, Hogwarts is full up for the year.

And probably next year too.

And that’s where direct marketers come in.

Because the best direct marketers will send you just such a letter, promising to take away your biggest problems, starting now — and in a perfectly quick and easy way.

So if you’re trying to sell something, think of poor bespectacled Harry Potter living under the dusty stairs in his aunt’s house, and imagine him receiving your sales pitch.

Will it transform the little dweeb into a magical wizard overnight?

Will it get him excited enough to scrape together his meager allowance so he can send for your “From Weirdo to Wizard” course?

Because if not, you’ve got some work to do, fashioning a better offer or some better marketing.

I can’t help with the offer. But if you want help with the marketing, then I’ve got a quick and easy solution for you:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The latest bad news for direct response copywriters

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Here’s a fair warning to any copywriters out there:

I just read that Chase Bank has signed a 5-year contract with Persado.

Never heard of Persado?

Neither had I.

It turns out they are a provider of AI-generated marketing copy.

In other words, instead of hiring a marketing agency or in-house talent or (gasp!) even freelance copywriters, Chase Bank will be getting their copy (at least some of it) done by tireless, uncomplaining, non-unionized software robots.

“Pff,” you might say, “good luck to them. I’m sure the copy will be terrible and they’ll just waste their money.”

Not so fast. Chase didn’t just choose Persado because AI is hip or because AI-generated copy is cheap. No. It also performs better. Here’s a test for you:

A: “Access cash from the equity in your home”

B: “It’s true—You can unlock cash from the equity in your home”

Who wrote what and which headline won?

Think about it and then read on.

The first ad headline was written by a red-blooded human copywriter. The second was written by a pale and pasty AI sprite. The AI sprite got the better response.

I think this is a sign of things to come.

Headlines might be the first to go, since they might be easier to write than entire paragraphs and sales arguments and whatever else.

But at the same time… haven’t you heard that the headline is 80% of the ad?

So if computers are writing better headlines than humans, human copywriters might not be getting so well paid in the near future.

Now at this point, maybe you are getting a little nervous. I know I am.

And so I want to tell you that this news doesn’t have to spell doom.

For one thing, in any crisis, it seems that many people suffer, while a few rise to the top and profit even more than before.

Maybe that can be you, if you can really hone your persuasion and copy skills and rise to being in the 1% of all copywriters out there.

The second thing is that copywriting, while it is a noble and profitable profession, maybe should not be your end goal.

Instead, maybe copywriting should simply be a kind of “Trojan horse” that you use to embed yourself within a successful business — AI revolution be damned.

That’s something to think about — even if you’re a rank copywriting newbie.

Anyways, if you’ve got questions about how to succeed in the business of copy, then I have something you might like. It’s a report that summarizes my experience getting well-paying clients during the first few years of my freelance copywriting career.

In case you want to know more about this report, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Stalker girlfriends and email personalization

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I saw a sexy email marketing question today:

“How do you personalize your emails?”

The email marketer who was posing and answering this question did his darndest to offer value.

“Insert the first name”

“Use dynamic content”

“Recommend personalized products”

All reasonable suggestions.

And if you’ve got an email list, it might make sense to try them.

But you know what?

Odds are really good that this is not something you should be worrying about.

For one, clients aren’t dumb, and you won’t fool them long by inserting their first name into an email.

For another, it’s very possible to screw up personalization and to just appear creepy instead of helpful or friendly.

It reminds me of a story that I’d read about a late-20s guy who was in a relationship dilemma.

He had a new girlfriend and things seemed to be going great.

And then one night, she mentioned something like, “You know, like that time you broke your arm in high school.”

Trouble is, he had never mentioned anything about breaking his arm to the girl.

And after a bit of questioning, she broke down and admitted she had been stalking him for years, including befriending all his friends as well as his sister, just to get close to him before they were even introduced.

You don’t want to be this crazy stalker girlfriend.

So what’s an alternative?

Well, we all have this thing in our heads — unless we are sociopaths — where we mirror each other.

So if I tell you something personal, you feel like there’s a personal bond there. It’s almost like I knew you and I had personalized the email with your info.

So let me tell you something personal.

I was 10.

And along with my dad, I was taking a day trip to a sleepy little coastal town in Sweden.

We were walking on an abandoned street when I saw a colorful storefront.

In the window, a rubber mask-like thing was smiling at me. It was an elephant, with large ears and a lengthy trunk.

“Look at that mask!” I told my dad. “Can we get it?”

My dad took a step back and looked at the shop. He had more life experience than me.

“It’s not a mask and you don’t need it yet.”

“Why? What is it?”

My dad sighed. And then he explained a few things about life to me.

That day was the first time I saw a penis extender.

Anyways, if you’re looking to stretch out and extend your ad budget and you want an effective way to convert more leads to buyers, then I might have something to help you out.

It’s a guide I’m putting together, detailing how I write advertorials that sell (even very generic) ecommerce products to cold Facebook leads.

In case you’re interested in getting notified when it’s out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

10 additional services copywriters can sell to their clients

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I just got my hair cut. Unfortunately, hair-cutting is all the hairdresser offered to do.

It makes me yearn for the good old days when a respectable barber would cut your hair, trim your mustache, and even pull your rotten tooth out for you.

Oh well. Too bad for hairdressers.

Copywriters can do better, though. Here are 10 additional services that I’ve used (or tried to use) to up-sell and down-sell and cross-sell clients:

#1. The Oliver Twist

This is when the client comes to you, soup bowl in hand, and says, “Please sir, I want some more.” In other words, you simply sell them the same service again. For example, last summer, I wrote one sales email for a guy with a big Clickbank product in the men’s health niche. He liked it, so he hired me to write a new such email every day.

#2. The top of the slide

This is writing copy for one part of the sales funnel, and then for an earlier part. Example: a couple of years ago I was hired to rewrite a VSL. When that was done, I kept in touch with the same client. Eventually, we agreed that I would also rewrite the emails he was using to drive traffic to the VSL.

#3. The after-party

This is just the opposite of no. 2. Example: I once had a job to write headlines for native ads. That job ended. But after a bit of back-and-forth, I was hired to also write the actual advertorials that the native ads led to.

#4. A second tunnel through the mountain

If you’ve done a good job for a client on one project, odds are good they have another very similar opportunity — another product, another funnel — which needs almost the exact treatment.

So just recently I was asked to rewrite a product page for a new supplement company. I did. the client was satisfied with the work, and I immediately got the chance to do another product page for another product in the exact same style.

#5. Oranges instead of apples

Sometimes it pays to stand up to clients. Last autumn, I was contacted by a client who wanted me to write a VSL. After a bit of talking, I told him he needs to pick a segment of the market he plans to target. And so we agreed that, instead of the VSL, I would write emails to his existing list to figure out which segment might sell the best.

#6. Outsourced kaizen

This is when you handle the optimization of the copy or of the funnel. Right now, I’m talking to a client who got in touch regarding an advertorial. So I asked him a question straight out of Jim Camp’s playbook: “Who do you have in your corner who can help you optimize this thing to ensure it performs well?” We’ll see if he has someone, or if he’s interested in having me handle this.

#7. Mouth flapping

Parris Lampropoulos, who is famous as an A-list copywriter, once said he actually makes most his money from consulting with his clients rather than the actual copywriting — in spite of the massive royalties he’s typically paid.

But you don’t need to be a marketer of Parris’s stature to get paid for consulting (aka flapping your mouth). Back in my dark and early Upwork days, I had a difficult client. However, one good thing was he would pay me simply to get on the call and brainstorm, or more often, to shoot his ideas down.

#8. The dreaded touchup

When asked to “simply fix up” existing copy, I usually run like I’m being chased by a bunch of angry bees. But I have done it in the past, and sometimes it proved to be good money for little work. For example, I once rewrote the lead (the first page and a half) of a pretty messy sales letter for a live event about investing, and I got paid what was a princely sum for me at the time.

#9. Money for nothing

This is an idea I got from Travis Sago: you take a client’s “trashcan asset,” turn it into risk-free money, and split the profits. I haven’t done this yet, but not for want of trying — I keep talking to all of my current and past clients about it.

#10. Trousers and britches

Sometimes clients need different formats and they are willing to pay you for it. Example: I once wrote a 2,000 word script for a Facebook lead-gen video. But is 2,000 words the right length? The client wasn’t sure. So I took that same script, pared it down to 600 words, gave him that as a second piece of copy, and earned a bit of extra money.

If you make a bit of an effort to suss out what your client might need, and then pick and choose from the above list, you won’t just make yourself more money.

Instead, you will also solidify your relationship with a client, help them be more successful, and profit doubly down the line. And if you want more advice on how to succeed in the business of copywriting, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Awkward high-school dates with copywriting clients

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“I’m supposed to invite you to hang out with us on Friday.”

It was 10th grade, and I had just started a new high school. There was a group of proto-hipsters there who thought I showed some promise. So one of them was sent as an emissary to invite me to a concert with them.

I went.

The concert was terrible, in one of those rat-infested Baltimore slum-houses.

But afterwards, we went back to the safe suburbs.

Now, the key to this story is that there was a girl in the group who was like a breastier version of Audrey Hepburn.

Quiet, pretty, and apparently interested in me.

“Would you like to go on the porch and get some air?” she asked me when we got back to the suburbs.

I mumbled something and followed her out.

So there we were, in the early October night, staring at the moon, occasionally looking over at each other, and saying…

Nothing.

I don’t know how long this went on but I guess between two minutes and two hours.

Eventually she got restless.

And then resigned.

“I’m gonna go back inside,” breasty Audrey said.

And that was it.

She went on to date a sequence of local bad boy rock stars and then she became a painter or a potter or maybe a basket weaver.

That night was the closest I got to her. And even though she was making herself as approachable as could be, I was simply too dimwitted to know what to do.

I bring this story up for two reasons.

First, because I like to rub salt into my wounds and remind myself of the many times I’ve managed to miss a wide-open goal.

The second reason is more practical and perhaps more relevant to you.

Because a similar scenario to the above plays out every day  on platforms such as Upwork.

Most Upwork clients are on there because they don’t have any other place to find copywriters.

They’ve never worked with a copywriter before.

They don’t know what they should expect of you.

They don’t know what they should do themselves.

It’s much like dating early on in high school. Both sides are nervous. Neither side really knows what to do except what they’ve overheard from their not-much-more experienced older brothers and sisters.

So what should YOU do?

Well, you have to take charge of that awkward date.

I’ll talk about specific ways to do this in a little bonus report I’m preparing for the relaunch of my Upwork book. In case you want to get notified when this book is out, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Donald Trump and the facts about B.A.R.F.

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My adopted home town, Baltimore, is in the news today because Donald Trump called it a “rodent infested mess.”

A bunch of Trump haters took to Twitter to complain and call Trump a racist.

But you know what?

I lived in Baltimore for many years, and I remember an organization there called B.A.R.F. Here are a few facts about it:

It stands for Baltimore Area Rat Fishermen, and it was established around 1992.

Basically, these guys go into urine-soaked alleyways at night, bait a fishing hook (more on this in a second), and actually go fishing for rats. Once they catch a rat, they reel it in and club it to death with bats.

There have been yearly contests of rat fishing, with the prize going to the biggest catch (1 pound, 7 1/2 ounces).

Now, about the bait.

You might think it’s cheese.

You might think it’s meat.

You might even try to lure a rat with something sweet, like a donut.

But that’s now how expert B.A.R.F members operate, because they know what Baltimore rodents love.

So they bait their hooks with a mixture of peanut butter and glue.

And in case you’re wondering where I’m going with all this, it’s simply to bring up the age-old metaphor comparing (rat) fishing and marketing.

Whether you’re going rat or customer fishing, you have to have the right bait. And if you want a simple process for coming up with bait that’s attracted many customers for businesses I’ve worked with, check out the following:

It takes two to tango with a bear

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After about 5 months of very slow reading, I recently managed to finish Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Honestly, I think this book will become a Bible of sorts for me.

It crystalizes so many vague ideas I’ve had and also gives me new and valuable perspectives.

Such as Kahneman’s concept of “the two selves.” Let me illustrate this with something else that’s meaningful to me, and that’s Werner Herzog’s movie Grizzly Man.

This is a documentary about a guy who traveled up to Alaska summer after summer.

He camped out in the wilderness, living in a tent, and recording hundreds of hours of video of himself, of the tall grasslands, of the beautiful rivers, and of the troupe of grizzly bears that hung out all around him.

The grizzlies and the video guy eventually developed a mutual respect for each other.

He got closer and closer to them, and more and more in touch with nature.

It was becoming quite transcendent. Until one lean summer night, when a hungry grizzly bear came into the guy’s tent and, during a horrific and terrifying few minutes, ripped him apart and ate him.

Shocking story.

And a good illustration of Kahneman’s two selves.

One self is the “experiencing self.”

It’s how we feel, moment by moment. The grizzly man’s experiencing self got many thousands of moments’ worth of peace, beauty, excitement, and self-discovery.

The other self is the remembering self.

​It’s how we evaluate or judge our experience in hindsight, or from a removed perspective.

​​The grizzly man’s remembering self, if it could put the pieces back together, would probably remember the one emotional high point of his Alaska summers — maybe the time he managed to get close to a mamma bear and her cubs — and the tragic end — the late-night bear mauling.

So why am I telling you this?

Well, I personally find I consult my remembering self too much, both when evaluating how I felt, and in making big decision about the future.

There’s no getting around the remembering self — it’s an essential part of all of us.

But it’s only one half of the tango.

The experiencing self should have something to say too.

And as I hope the grizzly man story above illustrates, the two selves can often come to very different conclusions.

Anyways, maybe this philosophical rambling will be useful to you in some way.

Now it’s back to the mundane world of direct response money-making. And if you have a business and you need some help with that, both your remembering and experiencing selves might appreciate the following experience:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Top Gun II: Mystery Upwork Bogey

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The big news for me over the last week is that we finally have a trailer for Top Gun II: Maverick.

I don’t have high hopes.

The original Top Gun, which came out some 30 years ago, is my favorite movie of all time.

But I can’t imagine that today’s metoo Hollywood could make a worthy sequel to that hyper-chaddy, testosterone-dripping circle jerk.

Even so, I’m sure I’ll go see the movie when it comes out in 2020.

For today, I have the original Top Gun in mind.

Because a few days ago, I was talking to a a fellow freelance copywriter who lives in the fine city of Manchester.

He was asking what I thought of the recent changes on Upwork.

In a nutshell, freelancers now have to pay around $1 to apply for a job.

I’m not on Upwork any more, but if I were, I wouldn’t care about this.

Because of my “bogey.”

No, it’s not a MIG-29 that suddenly blipped up on the radar. Instead, a bogey in direct marketing is the maximum price you are willing to pay for a customer.

Let me give you an example:

Many summers ago, when I was starting out on Upwork, an average first-time client would net me around $200.

At the same time, I’d get on average 3 new clients from each 30 applications I sent in.

If my math is right, that means each targeted and smart application I submitted was effectively worth $20 in business for that month.

In other words, $20 was my “bogey.”

And so, if Upwork had been charging me $1 to apply to a job, it would basically be a no-brainer to keep applying to any jobs that I thought were a good fit.

And that’s not even counting knock-on effects such as repeat business, a plumper portfolio, spontaneous referrals, or awakening the Upwork recommendation algorithm.

So here’s my tip for you for today:

Whether you are on Upwork or you are after other clients or customers, it makes sense to calculate your bogey.

And if it’s at least as great as your cost of acquiring those customers or clients…

Then get in that dogfight and engage, Maverick.

By the way, I still haven’t put up my Upwork book for sale since taking it off Amazon. While it’s in the hangar, if you do have any Upwork questions, send me an email and I’ll help if I can.

Why I no longer wear my prices on my sleeve

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I learned a pricing lesson at the local market today.

This market is a large open terrace, with about 100 stalls, each of which is packed with similar goods:

Nectarines… watermelons… potatoes… lettuce… grapes… zucchini…

At each stall, a different fruit and vegetable peddler holds court.

I went up to one of these women today to buy arugula. But she was in the middle of a heated discussion. A customer had commented her cucumbers were expensive, so she was explaining all the reasons behind the price.

When the customer walked away, unimpressed, she turned to me, and continued her rant.

“Last week, I had a woman come and buy figs for 20 brass guilders. ‘Oh they are so expensive,’ she complained. The next day, I had no more figs. But I saw the same woman buying figs from the next stall over at 40 brass guilders! When I asked her about it, she said, ‘What can I do, I really love figs!'”

She paused to give me time to react. I had nothing to contribute. So she continued:

“That f****** mother of a c*** and snake w****! And she was complaining about my prices!”

Yep, my arugula peddler, pricing is a mystery. And you’ll never make everyone happy.

That’s why for a long time I simply wore my prices on my sleeve.

“7 emails? 900 silver florins. Take it or leave it.”

I had this attitude for a long while, and it served me well. But I’m slowly starting to change this policy.

Not because I want to start haggling with clients, or charging them 40 brass guilders when I would also do the work for just 20.

Instead, I’m trying to do away with prices altogether.

I’m starting to realize that, whether I am cheap or expensive, whether I deliver a great service or not, most clients will still see me as an item in the “expenses” column — even if my copy makes them good money.

That puts a cap on how much money I can make.

And it puts a cap on the kind of relationship I can have with clients.

That’s why I am maneuvering the services I offer out of the “expenses” column and into the “profits” column.

And if you too offer services or products in exchange for money, then this simple shift in thinking might create a breakthrough in your business.

Anyways, if you’re looking for some other breakthroughs in your business, specifically on the front end, before you’ve even converted somebody to buy your own brand of arugula, then you might like the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/