10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters

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“And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.”
— Exodus 19:16

Yesterday, I published my new book, The 10 Commandments of A-list Copywriters. It’s a bit of idea sex between the biblical ten commandments and the wisdom handed down by A-list copywriters like Gary Bencivenga and Gene Schwartz and Jim Rutz.

The book is available on Amazon now for your reading pleasure. But fair warning:

Some of these commandments might be surprising. Others might be familiar or obvious.

The covenant is this:

If you obey these commandments devoutly, then the copy gods will look favorably upon you, and treasure you above all people. Maybe they will even elevate you into the ranks of the A-list one day.

But only one way to find out what the copy gods have in store for you. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

The emotional manipulation of covid-sniffing dogs

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I read an article today about covid-sniffing dogs at airports in Finland.

Right away, I started fantasizing about being sniffed by some professional beagles and Jack Russels as we roll around the baggage claim area. But just as I was about to start checking flights to Helsinki, my bubble brast.

It turns out you don’t get to play with the dogs as they sniff you for virus load.

Instead, airport personnel take a swab of your scent and then take it to an office, where, I imagine, a very serious dog sits behind a desk piled with tons of other swabs. “Just put it over there,” the serious dog says, “I’ll take care of it in a second.”

Reading this entire article was quite the emotional rollercoaster, and it reminded me I want to get a dog.

But before I lose you, I want to say there is a copywriting lesson here.

I heard Internet marketer Ken McCarthy say once that you want to paint a beautiful picture of success for your prospect, and then throw a wrench into it. First you get the reader to already feel and imagine the glorious outcome… and then you disappoint him, and show him why he’s not there yet. (Because of course, the only way to really get to that glorious outcome is through your offer.)

And vice versa.

Lots of times it makes more sense to glorify pain and shame instead of success.

​​So you paint a picture that makes your reader feel just lousy. But if you do this, you immediately have to hold out an olive branch to him, in the form of an offer (or at least a promise) that can that can take that pain and shame away.

In both cases, it’s emotional contrast that does the manipulation — I mean, persuasion. So the next time you’re writing a story, or trying to close a sale, give ’em the old push & pull, good cop/bad kawp, covid-sniffing dogs routine. Though your prospects won’t admit it, it’s the way they want to be sold.

But be careful. Do this wrong and you can piss off your prospects, and lose them forever. To make sure that never happens to you, sign up for my daily marketing and copywriting newsletter.

Selling fake diamond rings because Christmas

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My client in the ecommerce space is now selling fake diamond rings.

So I just wrote some Christmas-focused Facebook video ads for these fabulous pieces of jewelry, targeting the women who buy fake diamond rings for themselves (yes, it’s not cheap husbands and boyfriends who are the target audience here).

Will this “Treat yourself because it’s Christmas” campaign work?

I believe it’s got a good shot. Here’s why.

You probably know the famous “copy machine” experiments from Harvard University.

They showed you can get people to do your bidding if you just give them a “because” and some kind of reason why. The reason why doesn’t even have to be any good.

Of course, these experiments are not just about the magical power of the word “because.” They are also about fundamental human psychology, which also applies to making sales.

Think of your prospect’s desire like a volcano, lying dormant at first. Your copy — “a gorgeous ring with an optically flawless stone” — gets the magma boiling and bubbling under the surface, inside the volcano.

But all that hot desire still needs to be released.

So you start to drill different tiny tunnels in the cone of the volcano. Some of these tunnels don’t do anything. But finally you drill the right tiny tunnel… and the volcano wall ruptures. All that boiling lava comes pouring out and scorching everything in its way.

In less geological terms, it’s not enough to just stir up tons of desire. You also have to give people a way to justify acting on that desire. There are lots of ways to make the volcano finally explode… but an occasion, even if it really makes no sense, is a good one to try.

Speaking of which:

I write a daily email newsletter about marketing and persuasion. Sign up for it here. You know… because Christmas.

Fast and Furry-ous choices for surprising readers

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Picture this scene from The Fast and the Furry-ous, the first Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon:

Wile E. Coyote draws road markers on the ground leading to a cliff. Then he paints a tunnel on the cliff, and hides.

​​MEEP MEEP. The Road Runner comes rushing up, and runs straight through the painted-on tunnel.

​​Wile E. Coyote comes out of hiding, puzzled. ​​He takes a step back, gets a running start – and slams himself into the painted-on cliff. Of course there’s no tunnel there. And just as he’s staggering back to his feet, MEEP MEEP, the Road Runner comes rushing back out of the tunnel, and runs over Coyote again.

Screenwriter William Goldman once wrote the following:

“In a sense, a screenplay, whether a romance or a detective story, is a series of surprises. We detonate these as we go along. But for a surprise to be valid, we must first set the ground rules, indicate expectations.”

Like a screenplay, a sales letter is also a series of surprises. And if you want to know how to detonate those surprises in your sales letters, MEEP MEEP, it’s all there in that scene from the Fast and the Furry-ous. You’ve got two choices. Can you see them?

You might expect me to tell you. But no, I will subvert those expectations. You’re on your own for this one.

But for other tunnels and other copywriting lessons, you might like to get my daily email newsletter. Simply send $0 to the ACME company, and you will get something in the mail very soon.

No need to confess all your sins or virtues in a sales letter

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When I was a kid I got convinced that if I swallow a piece of chewing gum, it will get stuck in my appendix where it will fester until it causes an explosion that kills me.

For years, I was careful to chew gum only in the front of my mouth, to minimize risk. And then one day I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. After hours of tense waiting — no explosion.

My point is that it’s easy to convince yourself that there are some things that you simply must or must not do — without any basis in reality.

Let me give you a copywriting example.

​​Last week I delivered a VSL to a client. He just got back to me to say he thinks it’s great. But he had a question. The course the VSL is selling contains more techniques than the single technique the VSL focuses on. Shouldn’t we change this?

It’s a valid question. In fact, earlier in my copywriting career, I would have believed it’s one of those “musts”: “If it’s in the product, I must talk about it in the sales copy.”

The thing is, in this specific case (a real estate investing product), people don’t really want a complicated, full-blown system. They want an opportunity — some concrete, sexy thing that sounds easy to implement, and that feels like a secret to help them get around the usual ways of doing things.

Which leads me to a bit of wisdom I heard from A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos:

“Does it hurt my case, help my case, or is it neutral?”

That’s what Parris asks about every line, fact, and argument in his sales letters. If something hurts his case, or is neutral, it gets kicked out. Because there’s no need to confess all your sins or all your virtues in a sales letter. Nobody asked — and there will be no explosion if you don’t do it.

Nobody asked me to create a daily email newsletter, either. But I did. I write about copywriting and marketing. If you’d like to see what this newsletter is like, you can sign up here.

Selfishly giving away money to a worthy cause

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You may have heard that Chuck Feeney is finally broke.

​​Feeney, who once had a net worth of $8 billion, decided in 1982 to give it all away before he died. This past Monday, the last pennies finally rolled out of Feeney’s now-empty wallet, and his life’s mission was accomplished.

You know what gets me? It took 38 years.

Because giving away money in a way that doesn’t do harm, and even more, in a way that actually does good, is a time-consuming job.

I started giving away a tiny bit of money a few months ago for purely selfish, mercenary reasons. Earlier this year, I broke through a long-standing earnings ceiling. And I wanted to make sure I never fall through the hole in that ceiling and drop back down to the ground floor.

So I took the advice of Tony Robbins, who says to give away some money — as a way of signaling to your brain that you’ve got more than enough. (You might think this is some kooky new age bullshit, but the more I learn about persuasion and human psychology, the more I believe this kind of stuff.)

The thing is though, giving away money to a halfway-deserving cause, where the money will be spent on something other than comfier chairs for holier-than-thou bureaucrats, well, that’s not easy. Some months I don’t give anything away, just because I don’t know where.

But let me snip to the chase: I just signed up to give away $40 a month to some charity. Frankly, I don’t know if the charity is any good — that would take more research than I’m willing to put in.

But the donation was recommended by direct marketer Brian Kurtz, who claims it’s worthwhile. And for this donation, Brian is also giving me (and you, if you want) an ethical bribe: the digital version of his Titans of Direct Response event.

Thing is, I’m not sure whether this will satisfy my need to give away money. After all, I’ve lusted after this Titans product for a while. It’s got recordings of top marketers and copywriters revealing things they’d never revealed anywhere else. I thought about getting this product earlier, but I put it off because it normally sells for a couple thou. Well, I can now get it for much much cheaper, and give away some money too to a charity. (But will my brain believe that?)

I can’t say this is the decision you too should make. You might not believe the Tony Robbins philanthropy/earnings juju, or you might not want the Titans course, even at a fat discount. But if you are interested, or if you just want to see how a marketing master structures an attractive offer, head on over to the following page and read the P.S.:

https://www.briankurtz.net/informationinspirationor-just-lunch/

A sexy technique for writing bullets that leave other copywriters green with envy

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I was at the gym today when I saw a guy getting ready to do squats after me. I watched him nervously as he stacked a few plates on the barbell. And then I took a big sigh of relief. I realized he will squat less weight than I was just squatting.

Like the other 7.8 billion people on this planet, I shrink with envy when I lag other people in some measure. I swell with pride when I am better than them.

You might know pride and envy as two of the seven deadly sins. Which brings me to a sexy copywriting technique I just heard copywriter Chris Haddad talk about.

Chris says most people write boring bullets. I know I do. The fix, according to Chris, is to take your boring bullets and marry them to the seven deadly sins.

Let me give you a few examples. Here are three sin-lite bullets I quickly wrote for the description to my soon-to-be-published book, The 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters:

II. A simple guiding principle that’s almost guaranteed to bring you into the top of the copywriting game (and it’s not just to work harder).

III. A 5-minute way to transform your copy so it sucks in your reader all the way to the sale, without him realizing what happened.

VII. A technique to convert even the most jaded, skeptical, and hostile prospects (some copywriters say this is the biggest breakthrough of the last five years).

Not awful, but not good either. So let’s soup it up by appealing to perennial human failings:

II. [WRATH] Hate losing, and hate yourself when you lose? Follow this commandment, and you will be able to crush competing copywriters, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

III. [SLOTH] The easiest commandment of the lot. It takes just 5 minutes to do but it can suck your reader all the way to the sale, without him realizing what happened.

VII. [PRIDE] How to “get one up” on jaded or even hostile prospects who think they are too smart to believe your marketing or to buy from you (some copywriters say this is the biggest breakthrough of the last five years).

These sinful bullets still have a way to go, particularly in the way of mechanism or proof. But I think they are better than what I started with. So if you too work for the Satanical Church of Direct Response… then try appealing to lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, sloth, envy, and pride the next time bullets are on your plate.

Speaking of lust:

My daily email newsletter can help you get laid tonight. And then you can brag about it to your friends… while you aggressively chew on a large leg of mutton, paid for by all the easy money you earned by taking my push-button copywriting recommendations.

Click here to subscribe. Or don’t — and be left in the dust as other, younger copywriters catch up to you and then overtake you.

How to avoid email copy that’s like a sack of wet eggs

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A UK supermarket named Morrisons became the target of Internet bullying yesterday after shoppers tweeted photos of a bizarre item on sale there.

“This is the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed,” one person wrote.

The item in question is a purse-sized plastic bag of hard-boiled, peeled eggs, swimming in a preservative liquid. Each bag says it has only 5 eggs, but actually has more than 40 — and you can catch ’em all for just 1 GBP.

Morissons tried to joke away the sacks of wet eggs on its shelves. But what can you say? The bags look wretched and cursed. No amount of twitter fiddling can fix that.

These days, along with the Daily Mail, where I read the above story, I’m also re-reading William Zinsser’s On Writing Well.

One idea that Zinsser beats into your head is that “writing is rewriting.”

No. I don’t agree.

You can rewrite to make your writing tighter… to clean it up… to do away with cliches or vague words.

But if you start out with a sack of wet eggs, no amount of rewriting will get you a final product that’s anything but wretched and cursed.

You have to have something to say at the start. And more importantly, you have to have the right mood to sell it. Matt Furey, who pretty much invented the daily email format, put it this way:

“It isn’t just the words that do the selling. It’s the emotion behind the words. Remove the emotion and you don’t have great copy. So it makes sense to me that you spend as much time learning how to raise your level of vibration as you do learning marketing and copywriting strategies.”

Speaking of daily emails:

I’ve got an email newsletter, and I email daily. No cursed or wretched items here though. At Bejakovic supermarket, we make sure all our emails are fresh and appetizing. If you’d like to try a sample, you can sign up here.

The aggressive other meaning of “money loves speed”

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“There is absolutely nothing you can ever do or say that is MORE attractive than escalating quickly. Not teasing her, telling stories or having lots of social proof. Nothing comes close. Fast escalation beats them all.”
— 60 Years of Challenge

Marketing legend Dan Kennedy has a famous saying that “money loves speed.”

For the longest time, I thought that meant working faster, producing more content and offers, and getting paid more. It definitely makes sense given that Dan himself was (probably) the world’s highest paid copywriter for a time. His secret? He wrote faster and more than anybody else.

But maybe that’s not all there is to this saying.

Maybe it’s about making more money through fast product fulfillment and customers service… or through the promise of speedy results or relief from pain… or even through concentration-enhancing drugs like Ritalin.

Well, maybe those are a bit far-fetched.

​​But here’s something that’s almost certainly true. I didn’t think of it myself, but I managed to catch it when two successful marketers (Rich Schefren and Kim Walsh Phillips) mentioned it during a recent interview.

What they said was that ascending customers quickly means you will make more money.

And if you don’t know what I mean by ascending, it is standard direct response stuff: you first sell somebody a $47 newsletter, then a $197 course, then a $4997 yearly subscription service.

And what Rich and Kim were saying, as an interpretation of Dan’s “money loves speed,” is that the faster you do this — all in the same sitting is just great — the more money you will make.

Fast ascension. Not waiting weeks, months, or years to push your customers to the next level of commitment with you.

Which is pretty much the same thing you will hear in the pickup niche, where they talk about “fast escalation” as the end-all technique to attracting women.

Perhaps you find this off-putting. Or too aggressive. Perhaps it’s not for you.

But I think it’s good to at least keep it in the back of your mind. Because money — and women — love speed.

Since you’ve read this far, let’s try some fast ascension:

I write a daily email newsletter about marketing and copywriting. It’s not for everybody. But maybe you will like it. If you’d like to sign up, click here.

Protests and anxiety relief

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Starting two weeks ago, I’ve been living in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language, don’t know anyone, and really have no good reason to be.

And with my typical lack of planning or foresight, I managed to arrive at a time when there are anti-government protests going on day and night. I can hear them outside my window right now — horns, drums, whistles, cowbells, and a large mass of people chanting, “Resign!” in the local language.

I don’t mean to make it sound bad because it’s not. Mostly I’m having a great time here.

​​But, with the uncertainty and the language barrier and the constant cowbells, there are many moments when I get anxious. Out of nowhere, my brain will serve up scenarios of trouble, danger, and pain that could happen to me, all alone and unprotected in this great big world.

When those moments pop up, and they pop up often, I go back to a passage I read in Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics:

“You do not have to answer the telephone. You do not have to obey. You can, if you choose, totally ignore the telephone bell.”

Maltz is using the telephone as a metaphor (metonym?) for anxiety-causing events and thoughts. If you too get anxious thoughts now and soon after, maybe this metaphor will help you. Plus I’d like to add two things to what Maltz wrote.

First, you don’t have to feel guilty because the phone started to ring.

​​In other words, just because bad thoughts popped up in your head, this doesn’t make it more likely you will in fact experience trouble, danger, and pain. You can be plenty successful in life, even with a constantly ringing phone line.

Second, this is not some Deepak Chopra-ish claim that you can always be happy and healthy if you just set your mind to it.

​​If the phone rings while you’re napping, you will wake up. There’s no sense in pretending that you’re still asleep. But you can go to another room where the ringing isn’t as loud… or you can even put on some Brian Eno ambient music, to drown out the ringing until the damn thing shuts up.

Speaking of incessant rattling:

I write a daily email newsletter. Mostly it’s about marketing and copywriting, with occasional detours into self-help, like today. If you’d like to get this thing ringing in your inbox each day, click here to subscribe.