An admission about my own incompetence

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“I’ve started to write short stories,” a friend told me today.

I asked him to tell me more.

“I wrote the first one three weeks ago. It’s about a man who believes inanimate objects have souls. So he goes around giving proper burials to chairs and tables. He finds an old wardrobe left out next to the trash and that’s when the story begins.”

I listened to him summarize the adventures of the man as he drags the wardrobe to his back yard. I leaned in and I laughed and I was pleased with the ending. Which reminds me of something I read recently,

“Genius is as common as dirt.”

That comes from an essay titled, “Against school.” John Taylor Gatto, the guy who wrote the essay, was the New York State Teacher of the Year way back when. But he turned against the school system once he realized the real problem.

It’s not apathetic kids… or underpaid teachers… or an outdated curriculum.

The problem is that the purpose of school is, first and foremost, to break kids, so they become fit to serve.

Maybe you don’t agree with this. So let it just sit there as an idea to be aware of. But here’s a personal admission:

I feel I have zero creativity or ability to solve problems. Of course, that’s not really how I am. I’ve solved problems before and I’ve created stuff, too.

But I sure feel uncreative and incompetent. I think the reason why is that, through long and arduous training in the school system, I’ve learned there is always a right answer, and you either have it at your fingertips or you don’t. And I almost never do.

Of course, having the right answer at your fingertips is not really how creativity works. And if you ever doubt your own creative abilities, maybe it will be worth turning a critical eye towards your school years, and looking for a bit of that “common as dirt” genius that’s probably sleeping somewhere inside you.

But let’s get to business:

Remember how I mentioned I create stuff on occasion? One thing I create every day is an email about copywriting, marketing, and, now and again, Marxist ideas about the education system. If you’d like to test out this newsletter in your inbox, click here.

The “philosopher’s stone” tactic for transmuting dull content into sparkling subject lines

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A few days ago, marketer Ben Settle sent out an email with the subject line:

“Email Players subscriber does hostile takeover of the UK childcare industry market”

The body of this email was mostly a standard testimonial from one of Ben’s customers. This guy said he used Ben’s marketing methods to capture 25% of the nursery owners market in the UK. To which Ben added,

“Smells like a hostile takeover of the market to me.”

And that’s where the “hostile takeover” subject line came from.

I thought this was clever. It brought to mind the philosopher’s stone, the magical artifact that allows you to take a bunch of dull lead and turn it into a few ounces of sparkling gold.

Except what Ben was doing was taking a bunch of solid and dull content… and transmuting it into a sparkling subject line.

All it took was free-associating a dramatic phrase, somewhat connected to the topic. It didn’t even have to be too logically connected.

Maybe that’s something you too can try if you write emails for sales and profit.

But you can use this same technique not just for subject lines.

It works for writing bullets, too. (You just might have to tweak the underlying editorial a bit, to make sure you’re not cheating readers when you hand them the dull lead.)

I bring all this up because I promised yesterday to tell you about a free online repository of 1) good bullets and 2) the underlying content those bullets were distilled and conjured from.

Well, that resource is Ben Settle’s daily emails.

Not all of Ben’s subject lines and emails demonstrate bullet-writing tactics.

But many do. And any young and ambitious student who just got accepted into copywriting Hogwarts would do well to stay up late, under candle light, and study these magical texts.

I’ve done it myself, and I continue to do it.

And I apply many of Ben’s marketing lessons — along with some I discovered myself — in my own daily email newsletter. If you want to get on board that train, it takes off from platform 9 1/2.

The most important “do or die” copywriting skill

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Some time back in the 2000s, Internet marketer Ken McCarthy put on a 3-day seminar titled, Advanced Copywriting for Serious Info Marketers.

This seminar has a kind of cult following in the marketing world today. Some of the most successful copywriters out there — people like Dan Ferrari and Ben Settle — say this is one of the best resources for really understanding what copywriting is all about.

Anyways, during this seminar, Ken asked the participants about the most important “do or die” copywriting skill.

“It’s a mechanical skill,” Ken explained. In other words, he wasn’t talking about secret ways of conducting research… or building desire… or even closing the sale.

All those are important. But there’s a single, mechanical skill that all good-to-great copywriters must master.

If I remember correctly, Ken teased this for over 10 minutes. I won’t do the same, because I feel I’ve teased you enough already. So let me just tell you:

This “do or die” skill is writing bullets.

Bullets? Yes, bullets.

Many sales letters are all bullets. But good bullet-writing skill will also mean you can write great headlines (what is a headline but your best bullet?) and subheads.

​​On an deeper level, being able to write good bullets means you can evoke curiosity in your reader, and focus his attention where you want it to go. That’s something you can use in your body copy too, or even in the structure of your sales letter.

But let’s assume Ken is right, and bullets are where it’s at.

So how do you get great at writing bullets?

Copywriter Gary Halbert had a solution for you:

Find a successful sales letter chock full o’ bullets… then get the book or newsletter or course they were selling… then reverse engineer how the copywriter “twisted” the original content to create the sexy bullet.

Thing is, the golden age of bullet-heavy magalogs has passed. And maybe you’re not keen on going on eBay and hunting for 90’s sales letters and the books they sold.

Fear not.

You can get access to some of the best bullets running today, along with the content that spawned them, for free, and in a pretty entertaining package. I’ll tell you all about it in my email tomorrow.

What, you don’t get my daily emails? Well, if you want ’em, you can sign up here.

Try not to enjoy reading this post

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Hypnotist Mike Mandel says that there is a magic power word, which you can use to get people to fail. What’s more, if you find yourself using this word to describe your own actions, expect that you will fail also.

What is this magic word?

I’ll tell you but be careful. The word is “try.”

Mike has all sorts of technical explanations for the destructive power of try. But my best evidence (and maybe yours, if you give it a try) is just by looking inside my own brain software. Whenever I found myself saying, “I’ll give it a try,” or “I’ll try my best,” deep down, I found I was expecting to fail. And often, fail I did.

I’m telling you this for two reasons:

First, it might be worth kicking the word “try” out of your own vocabulary, down to the curb with the rest of the head trash. It might take some time to find other words that will express what you want to say. But when you do, you will probably find the effort was worth it.

Second, if you write copy, then you can use the word “try” to get other people to fail. Why would you want to do such a cruel thing? Well, a classic example is the three-pronged road at the end of so many sales letters:

“So here are your options now. Option one is you can go back to what you were doing before, pulling your hair out and picking at your skin while your unsolved problem mounts and your family looks at you with growing suspicion each passing day.

“​​Option two is you take the breakthrough system I’ve just described to you and TRY to implement it yourself. But you know how that’s going to turn out, don’t you?

“​​And then finally, you’ve got option three, which is to accept the risk-free offer I’m making you today. And then just try not to shout with joy when your problem is finally solved…”

Finally, I’d like to announce that I write a daily email newsletter. Try not to sign up for it. But if you find you aren’t successful, then click here and follow the instructions.

Challenging the “easy” norm in direct response marketing

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“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.”
— Apocryphal Ernest Shackleton ad

I had a miserable hike up a mountain yesterday.

Right at the start, I had to scramble up steep boulders. I was soon out of breath. Then the wind picked up, and whipped my ears until my head hurt. Then the fog rolled in, and it got cold and damp. Large frost crystals appeared on the occasional plants. And yet I, along with a growing mass of other people around me, trudged up in silence to the top of the mountain.

At the top, all that waited for me was a tiny and steamy hut, where they served hot tea. It was great, and totally worth it.

My point being:

A good number of human beings want a chance to prove themselves, to test their strength, even to suffer in order to achieve some goal.

And yet direct response marketing is all about making things easy and push-button, and appealing to the greedy sloth in people.

Is there space for a little noble sado-masochism in the slothful world of marketing?

Maybe.

​​I remember reading how marketer Sean D’Souza accidentally made his article-writing course much harder than he first intended it to be. I forget the details, but he mistakenly told his course attendants to write much more, in a much shorter period of time, than what was reasonable.

People taking the course suffered… lost sleep… got tense and nervous.

​​And when it was all over, they raved about the course, and became evangelists for it. Sean now has a waiting list for the course, which he markets as being famously difficult.

Direct marketing industry norms say that you have to provide easier, cheaper, faster solutions. But as marketer Dan Kennedy says, norms reinforce average.

​​So maybe, if you are looking for a market position that gets you above-average results, then promising your clients and customers struggle, expense, and many weeks and months of it, well, maybe it’s not a crazy idea to try.

Speaking of which:

Men (and women) wanted to subscribe to my daily email newsletter. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours spent reading the emails I send each day. Marketing lessons doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. If interested, apply here.

Taking your reader on a rewarding flight to nowhere

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This July, two Taiwanese airlines, Eva Air and StarLux, started offering flights to nowhere.

This means you could schlep to the airport, have the discomfort of going through security, waiting to board, cramming yourself onto the plane with a bunch of other junkies… only to have the airplane take off, circle around for a couple hours, and land in the exact same damn spot from whence you took off.

The point is that people are so starved for novelty, excitement, and newness that they are willing to pay to be uncomfortable and to pretend to travel somewhere.

Fact is, novelty and uncertainty are one of a few fundamental human needs. And most of us aren’t getting our fill.

Which is why, sadly enough, your sales copy can outperform others, if only it takes your reader on a tiny journey, all while he doesn’t even move from his La-Z Boy. Or as A-list copywriter Jim Rutz put it:

“You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy.”

But perhaps you are wondering about the mechanics of taking your reader on an rewarding flight to nowhere… or exactly what Jim means by surprising the reader at every turn.

If that’s the case, here’s a surprise for you:

I’ve written about this in detail in Commandment VII of my new book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters. If you’d like to find out more about this book, or even get a copy for yourself, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

The IOU theory of copywriting

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I read once (in a book) that credit, aka debt, came way before money. In other words, an IOU — a little slip of clay tablet commemorating the three sheep you gave to me — is a more powerful economic idea than gold coins.

I also read once (in an email) that copywriter Gary Halbert said the most powerful human motivating force is not self-interest… but curiosity.

Is there a connection between these two powerful facts?

Clearly. Because I personally think of curiosity as an IOU.

You give a couple of IOUs to your reader right in your headline. “I promise to pay you some valuable information,” each IOU says, “just give me a bit of time.”

As long as you’re in the reader’s debt, as long as he’s holding one of your IOUs, he sticks around. He wants to get paid.

The good thing is that you can give your reader a new IOU before paying off an old one. That way you can keep him around. But be careful.

If you start handing out too many IOUs… if the debt you’re incurring is too outrageous… if the repayment period is too long… then your reader is likely to get frustrated.

“This guy is never gonna pay up,” he will say. “This is just worthless paper.” He will throw away all your IOUs into the river, and along with them, your sale.

In other words, don’t overdo your debt of curiosity. But do do it.

​​And if you want some technical pointers on how to do curiosity in your sales copy, why, I’ve got just the thing.

It’s hidden right there inside Commandment III of my new book on A-list copywriter commandments.

In case you haven’t checked this book out yet, but would like to, here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters

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“And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.”
— Exodus 19:16

Yesterday, I published my new book, The 10 Commandments of A-list Copywriters. It’s a bit of idea sex between the biblical ten commandments and the wisdom handed down by A-list copywriters like Gary Bencivenga and Gene Schwartz and Jim Rutz.

The book is available on Amazon now for your reading pleasure. But fair warning:

Some of these commandments might be surprising. Others might be familiar or obvious.

The covenant is this:

If you obey these commandments devoutly, then the copy gods will look favorably upon you, and treasure you above all people. Maybe they will even elevate you into the ranks of the A-list one day.

But only one way to find out what the copy gods have in store for you. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

The emotional manipulation of covid-sniffing dogs

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I read an article today about covid-sniffing dogs at airports in Finland.

Right away, I started fantasizing about being sniffed by some professional beagles and Jack Russels as we roll around the baggage claim area. But just as I was about to start checking flights to Helsinki, my bubble brast.

It turns out you don’t get to play with the dogs as they sniff you for virus load.

Instead, airport personnel take a swab of your scent and then take it to an office, where, I imagine, a very serious dog sits behind a desk piled with tons of other swabs. “Just put it over there,” the serious dog says, “I’ll take care of it in a second.”

Reading this entire article was quite the emotional rollercoaster, and it reminded me I want to get a dog.

But before I lose you, I want to say there is a copywriting lesson here.

I heard Internet marketer Ken McCarthy say once that you want to paint a beautiful picture of success for your prospect, and then throw a wrench into it. First you get the reader to already feel and imagine the glorious outcome… and then you disappoint him, and show him why he’s not there yet. (Because of course, the only way to really get to that glorious outcome is through your offer.)

And vice versa.

Lots of times it makes more sense to glorify pain and shame instead of success.

​​So you paint a picture that makes your reader feel just lousy. But if you do this, you immediately have to hold out an olive branch to him, in the form of an offer (or at least a promise) that can that can take that pain and shame away.

In both cases, it’s emotional contrast that does the manipulation — I mean, persuasion. So the next time you’re writing a story, or trying to close a sale, give ’em the old push & pull, good cop/bad kawp, covid-sniffing dogs routine. Though your prospects won’t admit it, it’s the way they want to be sold.

But be careful. Do this wrong and you can piss off your prospects, and lose them forever. To make sure that never happens to you, sign up for my daily marketing and copywriting newsletter.

Selling fake diamond rings because Christmas

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My client in the ecommerce space is now selling fake diamond rings.

So I just wrote some Christmas-focused Facebook video ads for these fabulous pieces of jewelry, targeting the women who buy fake diamond rings for themselves (yes, it’s not cheap husbands and boyfriends who are the target audience here).

Will this “Treat yourself because it’s Christmas” campaign work?

I believe it’s got a good shot. Here’s why.

You probably know the famous “copy machine” experiments from Harvard University.

They showed you can get people to do your bidding if you just give them a “because” and some kind of reason why. The reason why doesn’t even have to be any good.

Of course, these experiments are not just about the magical power of the word “because.” They are also about fundamental human psychology, which also applies to making sales.

Think of your prospect’s desire like a volcano, lying dormant at first. Your copy — “a gorgeous ring with an optically flawless stone” — gets the magma boiling and bubbling under the surface, inside the volcano.

But all that hot desire still needs to be released.

So you start to drill different tiny tunnels in the cone of the volcano. Some of these tunnels don’t do anything. But finally you drill the right tiny tunnel… and the volcano wall ruptures. All that boiling lava comes pouring out and scorching everything in its way.

In less geological terms, it’s not enough to just stir up tons of desire. You also have to give people a way to justify acting on that desire. There are lots of ways to make the volcano finally explode… but an occasion, even if it really makes no sense, is a good one to try.

Speaking of which:

I write a daily email newsletter about marketing and persuasion. Sign up for it here. You know… because Christmas.