Copy Riddles

Ben Settle emergency emails in support of Copy Riddles?

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Last night, I sent out an email vaguely threatening you with a bunch of upcoming emails to promote my Copy Riddles program, which is now open for enrollment until this Sunday at 12 midnight PST.

After I sent that email out, I slumped in my chair and hung my head.

“Great, now what?” I said. “Where am I gonna get all those emails? Who’s gonna write all that stuff I threatened them with?”

Beyond the one half-finished Copy Riddles email I had written during my Most Valuable Email presentation, I had nothing.

But then a desperate idea hit me. “I have that useless diploma from the Oregon School of Manifestation… why don’t I apply what they taught me?”

So I closed my eyes, put my fingers to my temples, and started to massage slowly, while sending out vibrations of easily-written emails into the universe.

YOU’VE GOT MAIL, my AOL account suddenly said.

Well, not really. I don’t use AOL. But I did get an email, just a few minutes after I wished for some easy help.

The email came from Ben Settle, and the subject line read:

“Advice to a new Agora copywriter”

This email of Ben’s is full of uncharacteristically detailed and forthcoming advice. If you’re on Ben’s list, it might be interesting to read. I will highlight just one bit, because it serves my purposes here.

A new Agora copywriter wrote in to ask Ben’s opinion on a bunch of stuff, including that bullets aren’t at all important any more.

To which Ben responded:

“Bullets still work, never stopped working, and will always work — When written correct everything ‘comes’ from the bullets, including non-bullet copy or ads where there are no bullets.”

Now I’d like to think Ben wrote this specifically at this moment, just to help me out with promoting Copy Riddles.

After all, the first basic premise behind Copy Riddles is that once you own the skill of writing bullets, you own the essence of intriguing, irresistible copywriting, no matter what format you write in.

The fundamental ideas inside Copy Riddles apply whether you are writing bullets… headlines… subject lines… body copy of sales letters and VSLs… ads… or emails.

In fact, I think Copy Riddles ideas transfer directly if you are writing sales emails, and not just in subject lines. I’ve even made the claim before that sales emails are basically the modern version of “expanded” bullets.

So that’s the first premise behind Copy Riddles.

The second premise is that you go further and faster by doing and experiencing… than by reading/listening/watching and then forgetting.

That’s why Copy Riddles is built around a unique, effective, and, I modestly think, clever mechanism. The mechanism gets those bullets lodged into your head, not just as a bunch of how-to information, but as a skill that you own.

But don’t take it from me. Since we are speaking of new Agora copywriters, a junior Agora copywriter named Harry Thomas went through Copy Riddles during the last run. And he had this to say:

“Honestly, John’s course is brilliant. While the content is bullets-centred, everything inside can be applied to other aspects of copy. Whenever I’m choosing endo subject lines or writing Taboola ads, I’ll write them out in bullet form first, then pick the best ones to use. And this might sound weird, but I can almost feel myself improving in real-time with John’s exercises.”

To get more details on my Copy Riddles exercises or to join while the joining’s good:

https://copyriddles.com/

Copy Riddles now open for yes-men, yes-women, and others

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“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.”
— Samuel Goldwyn

Today, I am reopening my Copy Riddles program for only the second time this year.

If you don’t know what Copy Riddles is about, you can read about it at the link at the end of this email.

Or you can just sit tight.

Because over the coming days, I will send you many emails, explaining what Copy Riddles is and why you might want to join.

I will start today, and I will only end on Sunday night at midnight PST, when the doors to the Copy Riddles theater will close again, to lock out any stragglers. The actual show will begin next Monday.

Now, in the parts of the direct response Internet that I haunt, it is customary to announce a heavy promotional campaign like this by saying something like:

“If you don’t like it, unsubscribe. Or just ignore my many emails until the storm passes. Or if you’re smart, follow along quietly, even if you have no intent to buy, because these emails make me a lot of money, and you might learn a thing or two.”

Predictably, sending out a message like this results in fewer spam complaints, a tighter bond with your list, and better behaved subscribers, who in time begin to border on yes-men, saying, “Yeah yeah, tell those people off in case they can’t appreciate effective marketing.”

But I don’t want any yes-men around me. Or yes-women.

I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their spot on my email list.

So if any of my emails over the coming days rubs you the wrong way… or if you think I’m selling too hard, or I’m name-dropping too much, or I’m not giving sufficient value in my emails… or if the total tonnage of my promotional material just begins to annoy you by its weight… then make sure to write in and let me know.

I promise to read each suggestion and complaint, and to respond, perhaps even publicly.

So with that announcement done, let’s get this campaign started. Here’s the Copy Riddles promotional trailer, I mean, the text sales page, for your viewing and marketing pleasure:

https://copyriddles.com/

It was all my fault, and always has been

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A few nights ago, I was lying in my plush bed, smoking a cigar and tossing grapes into my mouth one by one.

Life was good.

I had just sent out my email about the prestigious Dig.This.Zoom event. It was only a matter of time now.

A bit of movement in the corner of my bedroom caught my eye. It was my laptop, open to my Gmail inbox. A new email had arrived. I could just make out the subject line:

“Your form, ‘John Bejakovic consult request’, has a new response”

“Sooner than I expected,” I smirked, “but I’m not surprised.”

In that email about the Dig.This.Zoom event, I had successfully associated myself with heavyweight marketers Aaron Winter and Dan Ferrari. I ended that email with my consulting offer.

Clearly, I thought, some smart business owner, who owns a profitable niche business I would never have even dreamed about, and who reads my daily newsletter religiously, realized he could make much more money with my advice and guidance.

That business owner is now reaching out to offer to pay me in advance… if only he can get a bit of time on my calendar, and the opportunity to have my highly trained eyes locked critically on his email funnels, until I find small changes that can lead to big improvements.

I slid out of bed lazily and made my way to my laptop.

I imagined myself a few months down the line, getting an email from said business owner. The email would say:

“John I was skeptical when we first did the consult. But we made the changes you suggested. And now we’re making 11x what we were before from the same email funnel. I’m over the moon! I’m sure you don’t need yet another glowing testimonial. But if you ever want to use this publicly to let the world know how incredible you are, please go ahead. It would be an honor for me.”

“Well okay, if it would be an honor for you,” I said to my empty bedroom as I clicked the Google Forms link. “Let’s see who the lucky business owner is today. I wonder what mysterious and surprising line of work he is in.”

My ugly Google form opened up. My mouth hung open. My face sank.

There it was. My newest consulting request. The successful business owner from that surprising new niche I had been fantasizing about. The request read, in its entirety,

“I am a Nigerian direct response copywriter. I want to learn from you.”

I wasn’t sure what bothered me more. The fact that my fantasy had been popped, and that this was the polar opposite of the ideal consulting lead I was dreaming about. Or perhaps it was just the utter lack of effort involved in this “consulting request.”

“Learn from me? Learn what? How to write self-deprecating emails like this one? How to make ugly Google Forms? How to approach people in a way that shows you are serious about working with them and respectful of their time?”

I wasn’t sure how I could possibly respond to this request in a sensible way that didn’t waste more of my time. And then I realized I should just do it in a daily email to my list.

I also remembered a bit of philosophy I’ve long held near to my heart:

It’s always your fault.

That might not sound like the healthiest way to go through life. But it’s served me well.

If things ever go in the completely wrong direction, away from where I want to be, then like David Byrne, I always ask myself, “Well, how did I get here?”

Because pianos don’t just fall out of the sky and land on your head. You have to walk under them first, as they are hanging by a fraying rope. You have to stand around, spinning aimlessly from side to side, while that rope gets more and more frayed. And you have to make sure you never look up until finally the rope snaps.

So dear Nigerian direct response copywriter, if you are reading, don’t feel like I am picking on you.

It was my fault for not being sufficiently clear who my consulting offer was for, and what it was about.

If you’d like to learn from me — I assume how to write copy, but who knows — then my suggestion would be to wait another week.

That’s when I will reopen my Copy Riddles program.

​​Copy Riddles is a way to learn copywriting from me, in a very compact and affordable package. Much more affordable than the thousands or tens of thousands of dollars it would take if you want to get the equivalent knowledge from me in a series of one-on-one consults.

But perhaps you are not that Nigerian direct response copywriter looking to learn from me.

And perhaps now you have a clearer idea of my consulting offer is about. And perhaps you even think it might be smart for you, and for your business.

​​If so, fill out the ugly Google Forms form below. No need to go overboard. But give me more detail about you and your business than just saying, “I want to learn from you.”

https://bejakovic.com/consulting

A shark in blowfish’s clothing

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A few days ago, as research for the next issue of my Most Valuable Postcard, I re-watched an old presentation given by Jeff Walker.

You might know Jeff as a big-time Internet Marketing guru and the inventor of the Product Launch Formula, which has been used by tons of businesses to make tons of money online.

Here’s what got me:

Jeff’s whole aura during this presentation was very gee-shucks, how-did-I-wind-up-here-on-stage.

He had a kind of Woody Allen delivery, constantly correcting himself, backtracking, stammering, stumbling, and apologizing.

His outfit confirmed the impression. Jeff wore a ballooning blue shirt, which looked a size too large for him, and which was crimped at the chest by a microphone.

Of course, you won’t make tens of millions of dollars, which Jeff had already done by the time of this old presentation, by being a naive nincompoop.

But if you look like a naive nincompoop, it can certainly help you out, particularly if you are actually shrewd and calculating at heart. It pays to put on a oversized and poorly fitting blue shirt, and turn yourself into a harmless and goofy blowfish, when you are really a shark underneath.

Anyways, at one point, Jeff said the following about product launches using his PLF:

“I don’t just teach them, I’m pretty good at them. That’s actually self-deprecating. I’m REALLY REALLY good at them.”

This reminded me of a valuable mantra I heard from Chris Voss, the FBI negotiator who wrote the book Never Split the Difference.

“The last impression is the lasting impression,” says Chris.

You can see that in the structure of how Jeff talks about himself and his skills and success.

And if you meditate on this example a bit, you can hit upon a very clever way to sneak giant, even unbelievable claims into people’s heads.

If you’ve been through my Copy Riddles program, you might know what I’m talking about. It’s there in round 6B.

And if you haven’t been through Copy Riddles, you’ll have a chance to do so, starting in a few weeks from now, and to find out about this clever technique.

But Copy Riddles isn’t open yet. And neither is my Most Valuable Postcard. So my only offer for you is to sign up for my email newsletter, and read what I have to write about copywriting and marketing topics.

Of course, I don’t just write about them. I’m pretty good at them. That’s actually self-deprecating. I’m REALLY REALLY good at them. So in case you’d like to get on my newsletter, here’s where to sign up.

Misdirection is not illegal

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Last autumn, a conservative writer named Alexander Macris wrote about Florida governor Ron DeSantis. DeSantis was planning a new state militia and he was facing a lot of blowback.

To which, Macris had this bit to say:

“If state defense forces are both constitutional and common, why the outrage? Part of the outrage is simply partisan, of course. If Ron DeSantis walked on water like Jesus to save a drowning child, the Daily Beast would report it as ‘DeSantis refuses to get wet to save drowning child.'”

I found that made-up Daily Beast headline funny and clever. It got me wondering why. So I put my finger on the page and traced out exactly what’s going on.

Here’s what I figured:
​​
Macris brings your attention to an unimportant detail (what De Santis wouldn’t or didn’t do)… to keep your attention from the actual, important, big thing (that he “walked on water like Jesus to save a drowning child”).

There’s a name for this type of thing. It’s called misdirection.

“Magic is misdirection. And misdirection is getting people to look at the wrong place at the right time.”

That’s a line from the 1978 movie Magic. I don’t know much about magic, though I love it. But I have heard pro magicians say that yes, magic is at core misdirection.

And it’s not just magic where misdirection has value. Writing too, like that fake Ron DeSantis headline above.

​​And if you’ve gone through my Copy Riddles program, then you’ve also seen A-list copywriters use misdirection to create intrigue and make sales. Like Gary Bencivenga did with this intriguing warning:

“If you’re a man, do you know why you should never wear a gold bracelet to a job interview?”

Well, do you? If not, I’ll tell you in a second how you can find out.

For now, my point is that misdirection is not just tricky, but it can be valuable, too. So keep an eye on it.

Or keep an eye on me. I’ve started collecting examples of misdirection. And maybe one day I will put them together into a little presentation, and show you how you can misdirect people’s attention, in your writing, with the snap of your fingers, for your benefit and maybe theirs.

You can help me get this done sooner. If you have any good examples of misdirection, anything that comes to mind, whether from magic, design, political PR, tabloid journalism, thriller novels, con artistry, standup comedy, or persuasive and influential writing, then send them my way.

In exchange, I’ll tell you the secret to Gary’s bullet above, in case you don’t know it already.

Oh, and sign up for my email newsletter. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

Torture-free deadline for Copy Riddles is near

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Perhaps you don’t care that the deadline to sign up for Copy Riddles is approaching in a few hours. Such is the society we live in.

But it wasn’t always so. For example, Julius Caesar once wrote about a curious urgency tactic used by his enemies, the Gauls:

“By Gallic intertribal law all adult males are obligated to attend the muster under arms; and the last to come is tortured to death in sight of the host.”

Ah the good old days… when a deadline really meant something.

But again, we live in a modern and a civilized society. So the only torture I can inflict upon you is to say:

Come 12 midnight PST tonight (Sunday), I will close the doors to Copy Riddles.

And no amount of pleading about how your car was in the shop, or how the kids were sleeping, or how you only had cash on hand (all excuses I’ve gotten before) will make me crack those doors open a single inch.

​​Not until some uncertain future date, at least a few months down the line, when or if I decide to reopen Copy Riddles.

Again, perhaps you don’t care. But if you do, there’s still a bit of time. Here’s the link:

https://copyriddles.com/

A name-dropping Internet troll sets me up for a layup

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Over the past few days, I’ve been sending a lot of emails about Copy Riddles. It’s obviously wearing thin on a few sets of nerves, because I triggered the following response:

Hi,

You love to name-drop in these emails, Caples and Kennedy today, Halbert and others on other days.

But here’s the thing . . . all you’re doing is repeatedly trying to sell your ‘Riddles’ program. Those guys whose names you like to drop, do this MUCH better than you. In fact, if your program is no better than these emails then no thanks.

Go read some stuff from Settle, Tony Shepherd and Andre Chaperon. Lots to learn from these guys.

All right, since you asked for it… let me dig through my Ben Settle archives and see what Ben might have to teach me. Yep, there it is:

Over the years, several readers have observed how much I get an almost sadistic glee and excitement when trolls pick fights with me (besides profiting form them, they’re entertainment, more interesting than TV).

A few have even asked how I can possibly enjoy it so much and not get angry, etc.

My answer?

It’s easy to do when you realize they are really talking about themselves, and are simply projecting their miserable lives onto you.

For years now, Ben has been beating the drum about the fact that Internet trolls always project. And I’ve heard his message, loud and clear. So I can conclude my own troll above:

1. Loves to name-drop all the famous copywriters he knows about

2. Would like to take action (sell something, write copy) but is too afraid that everyone else is MUCH better than him

3. Routinely gets sucked into buying the next program that sounds sexy — “Lots to learn from these guys!” — instead of actually doing anything with all the info he has already bought

In case you’re wondering:

No, I haven’t yet graduated to feeling glee and excitement when a troll picks a fight with me.

But when a troll sets me up for a layup, like today, I feel it would be disrespectful to Ben, a guy I’ve learned a lot from over the years, not to profit from it.

But let me get back to trying to sell my ‘Riddles’ program.

The fact is, the whole point of Copy Riddles is that it’s based on a simple exercise. You write bullets based on source texts, and you get a chance to compare what you’ve written to what famous, name-droppable, A-list copywriters have written.

Yes, I also include a lot of guidance and my own interpretation of what exactly the A-listers are doing.

But you don’t have to like my writing to get value from Copy Riddles.

Because the biggest value in Copy Riddles comes from doing the exercise. Well, from doing the exercise… and then putting your new skills into some kind of real-life context, where they actually have a chance to make you money.

I doubt that will ever happen for my name-dropping troll above.

But perhaps you’re ready to do some actual work and then profit from it. If so, then you’ll want to know that enrollment for Copy Riddles closes later today, at 12 midnight PST.

To get in while the doors are still open:

https://copyriddles.com/

Two copywriting cowboys and a first draft

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This morning, I found myself, frown on my face, jaw clenched, staring out the window. I was actually stroking my chin, that’s how deep in unpleasant thought I was.

I was trying to come up with a way to start this email.

Finally, disgust swept over me. “Let me just write something, anything,” I said to myself. “In the worst case, it will be terrible. And I will just have to rewrite it.”

In case you’re starting to get a little nervous about where this email is going, let me ease your mind:

This isn’t me cowboy hollering at you to to git ‘er done.

Instead, I just want to remind you — and really, myself — of something I heard in an interview with Parris Lampropoulos.

Parris is one of the most successful copywriters working over the past few decades. He has something like an 80% success rate at defeating control sales letters. And he makes millions of dollars while working on only three or four projects a year.

Even so, Parris doesn’t produce winning copy straight out the gate.

In that interview, Parris said something like:

“When I first sit down and write the bullets for a promotion, I always think I’ve lost it. They’re terrible. Everybody will find out I’m a fraud. Then I rewrite the bullets once, and I think, maybe I will be able to get away with it. Third and fourth rewrite, they’re starting to look pretty damn good.”

So if somebody as successful, proven, established, revered, and experienced as P-Lamp still gets feelings of horror and doubt when he looks at his first draft… then maybe it’s okay if you and I also feel the same.

Or in the words of another A-list copywriter, Clayton Makepeace:

“Don’t compare YOUR first draft with MY 16th draft.”

“Thanks John,” you might say, “but I really don’t need encouragement to keep fiddling with my copy. I do that aplenty already.”

I feel you. I can revise my copy endlessly, moving a single word from place A to place B, and back again, over and over, a dozen times. There’s obviously a point at which it stops paying for itself.

But it’s good to still remind yourself that other people work the same way, including some of the best of the best. It can help you stay sane.

And just as important:

Reminding yourself of the power of rewrites can help you get going in the first place. Like what happened with me with this email you’re reading now.

So that’s all the cowboy hollering I have for you today. And now on to business:

I bring up both Parris and Clayton since they feature many times inside Copy Riddles.

That’s because both Parris and Clayton were a couple of the slowest — but most deadly — gunmen in the Wild West of sales copy. Here’s one of Parris’s bullets that wound:

“How to use an ordinary hairbrush to quit smoking.”

I discovered the secret to this (and many similar) brain-teasers by looking at Parris’s bullet… as well as the actual book he was selling.

The trick Parris used to write this bullet is simple. You can discover it in round 17 of Copy Riddles. Once you know it, you too can write intriguing stuff like this “hair brush” promise, on demand.

And then you can rewrite it… and rewrite it… and rewrite it some more. And slowly, it will start to look pretty damn good.

Anyways, enrollment for Copy Riddles closes tomorrow. So if you’ve got a hankering for some A-list copywriting skills, then pardner, head over here:

https://copyriddles.com/

The secret to writing subject lines with the word “secret” in them

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I’ll tell you about the subject line secret in just a second. But first, here are a few funny-if-fake headlines, supposedly written by legendary marketer Dan Kennedy:

Who Else Wants To Discover The Secret
To Writing Headlines
That Begin With The Words ‘Who Else’?

——

“Do You Have What It Takes
To Write Powerful Headlines
Which Have Quotation Marks
And Are In The Form Of A Question?”

——

Everybody Laughed When I Used
​An Old Headline Template To Create My Headline,
But When I Put It At The Top Of My Sales Letter…

In case it’s not clear, that last one is a play on John Caples’s famous ad, “They Laughed When I Bent Down To Pet The Cat… But When She Started To Hiss!”

Dan’s point was that there’s a lot more to copywriting than templates and formulas.

If it weren’t so, then businesses wouldn’t be willing to write obscene paychecks to A-list copywriters like Dan himself.

Why would they?

If templates and formulas were where it’s at… then businesses could just get any monkey with small, nimble fingers to stick “Who else wants” at the start of an uninspired or unbelievable promise… and they would still make all the sales they want.

This can either be good news or bad news, depending on your perspective.

It’s bad news because it means making money with sales copy is more involved than you might have been told at first.

It’s good news because it means there’s a natural moat around the high castle of good copywriters. And maybe more importantly…

It means copywriting can become a pursuit you can explore for a long time, and still find new and deep insights. At least that’s how it’s been for me.

But back to that secret I mentioned in the subject line.

If you want to learn how to write fascinating subject lines, rather than relying on the crutch of calling every can of tuna a “secret,” then you can learn that inside my Copy Riddles program.

Copy Riddles is built around the practice of writing sales bullets. And bullets just happen to double as great subject lines.

Also, you might like to know:

Copy Riddles is not in any way focused on bullet formulas and templates. In case you don’t believe me, here are a few relevant words from marketing consultant Khaled Maziad, who went through Copy Riddles last year:

Man, this is the best course on bullets I have ever seen. And believe me, I have seen a lot.

I loved that you didn’t include bullet templates but went deep into the psychology behind each bullet.

This course is not just about the “how-to” of writing bullets but understanding the artistry and the deep psychology behind them… Plus, when and where to use them.

It’s like going behind the scenes and watching David Copperfield reveals every single magic trick in the book… without losing interest.

So if you want to find out some magic tricks that make real money appear:

https://copyriddles.com

DO NOT WRITE A CROCK OF SH—

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A few weeks ago, I shared a bit of writing advice from A-list screenwriter and playwright David Mamet.

For some reason, Mamet likes to use all caps when he’s giving out advice. So here’s another loud tip from Mamet, one he initially shouted at a bunch of junior writers working under him:

DO NOT WRITE A CROCK OF SHIT. WRITE A RIPPING THREE, FOUR, SEVEN MINUTE SCENE WHICH MOVES THE STORY ALONG, AND YOU CAN, VERY SOON, BUY A HOUSE IN BEL AIR AND HIRE SOMEONE TO LIVE THERE FOR YOU.

I’m sharing this motivational quote with you to address the most common question I get about Copy Riddles. That question is:

“Is Copy Riddles about how to write bullets specifically, or copy in general?”

The short answer is yes.

The slightly less short answer is Copy Riddles is about implanting core copywriting skills into your head. I’m talking about stuff you can’t do without if you write sales copy…

Like promises… proof… intrigue… and some of those dirty and hidden psychological tricks you may have seen insiders whispering about.

Really, there is only one fundamental part of copywriting that you can’t get through the Copy Riddles process.

That’s telling a story. And that’s why I included a special bonus along with Copy Riddles, titled Storytelling for Sales.

This bonus lays out my system for writing the stories in my “horror advertorials.”

Some of the horror advertorials I’ve written have sold millions of dollars worth of ecommerce products to cold Facebook traffic. And in this bonus, I tell you how I write the stories in these advertorials, which is the most important part.

But like I say, that’s a bonus. Because the fact is:

Once you have the fundamentals that Copy Riddles will implant in your head…

You can use them to WRITE A RIPPING HEADLINE, SUBJECT LINE, BULLET, OR SLICE OF BODY COPY WHICH MOVES THE SALE ALONG… AND YOU CAN, VERY SOON, BUY A HOUSE IN BEL AIR AND HIRE SOMEONE TO LIVE THERE FOR YOU.

In case that kind of power turns you on:

https://copyriddles.com/