How to write “killer copy” in any market… even if… you don’t deserve it!

Of course you do deserve to write killer copy, right? You read the right books… you hand copy successful sales letters… you listen to what more experienced copywriters have to say.

But let’s say you’re still not getting results. What could be missing?

Here’s a bit of wisdom from the Prince of Print himself, the self-aggrandizing legend, Sir Gary of Halbert.

Gary once wrote a sales letter for a sexy sex guide. A few of the bullets:

* Three sure-fire ways to tell if your spouse or “significant other” has had sex with someone else in the last 24 hours!

* What lesbians know about oral sex which men don’t… and… why more men today are losing their women to other women!

* What (and how) a man can learn about his woman’s masturbation secrets… which will… supercharge HIS sex life!

Intriguing stuff… but the headline is 80% of the sale, right? And that’s what I want to quickly share with you today. Gary’s headline read:

“How To Have “Killer Sex” At Any Age… Even If… You Don’t Deserve It!”

It’s the tail of that headline that caught my eye.

Because if somebody’s a good prospect for your “How to” direct response product… then they’ve almost certainly got feelings of defectiveness and low self-worth. At least as regards that specific problem.

They’ve tried solving the problem before. They haven’t succeeded. They can only take that disgust and frustration in one of two places. Inwards or outwards.

Often it’s inwards.

And if you use that — even just by calling it out, like Gary did in his headline — it could make all the difference. You could be on your way to producing truly killer copy. In any market.

Sounds good?

But maybe you still feel unworthy. Maybe you feel you haven’t done all those things I listed at the top. You can fix that. And quickly. To start, click here and sign up for my daily newsletter, all about copywriting and marketing wisdom.

Nobel scientists stunned to produce must-read news

“It will change everything,” said Andrei Lupas, an evolutionary biologist at the Max Planck Institute.

“Stunning,” said Professor Venki Ramakrishnan, Nobel Laureate and President of the Royal Society. “It has occurred decades before many people in the field would have predicted.”

You may have heard the news published yesterday. DeepMind, an AI project within Google, “solved” the 50-year-old problem of protein folding. (I say “solved” because DeepMind does a good job, much better than anybody else. But it’s not perfect.)

This is a big deal. It will help scientists unravel the many mysteries still hidden in the human genome. It also means that the singularity is near. If you haven’t yet started building your anti-Skynet bunker, the time is nigh.

But let’s talk persuasion.

My point today is that the human brain looooves shortcuts.

We are giant shortcut-seeking machines.

For example, we rarely try to figure out things ourselves. Instead we look around. “What’s that guy doing? Eh, I bet that’s good enough. I’ll do the same.”

Another shortcut we take is to only look at extremes. So The World’s 50 Best Restaurants wields more clout than the Michelin guide. Why? Because it’s easier. There’s only one no. 1 restaurant among the 50 Best. But there are 135 restaurants with the highest 3-star Michelin rating.

You see my point. As Gene Schwartz said, “there is nothing so astounding as the astonishment of experts.” Particularly if those experts are the very top experts, the ones who got a Nobel Prize.

Because when you 1) take experts and 2) make them amazed, you create must-read news. And news is another shortcut that the brain loves to take, right on down to the order page. But that’s another story, for another time.

If you’d like to read that story when it comes out, you can subscribe to my daily email newsletter. It will appear there first.

Why I didn’t collect my $10.5 million

Today I found a tantalizing email in my spam folder. The sender was Mrs. Mary J. Parker. The subject line read:

“FROM THE UNITED NATIONS POLICE (UNPOL)”

The email explained UNPOL was contacting me because of some money I’d wired to Nigeria.

This is a bit embarrassing. But a while back, I got another email. It described a unique opportunity to help somebody and get rich at the same time. At least that’s how it seemed.

I wired the money as that first email asked. And I waited to get rich. But I never heard back from anybody, or saw my money again.

Anyways, the email from Mrs. Parker informed me that a bunch of organizations, including “Scotland Yard Police, Interpol, Federal Bureau of Investigation, (FBI) United States of America, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) of Nigeria and all the African Crime fighter leaders” have been working hard to capture the fraudsters who grabbed my money and the money of other people like me.

These law protection agencies caught a bunch of these “Internet rats.” They retrieved billions of dollars.

And now, to make it up to me, they wanted to send me $10.5 million so I could start a new life. All I had to do was furnish a certain Dr Richard Kelly with $450 and also my correct and valid details.

Now here’s something that might shock you:

I decided to pass up this offer. Even though I’d previously wired money to unknown persons in Nigeria. And even though $10.5 million was on the line. Why I did this is the subject of this post.

Let me set things up by telling you about two direct mail campaigns. The first campaign was written by Gary Bencivenga. It made a generous offer:

Six free issues of Boardroom’s Bottom Line/Personal newsletter, plus a premium book. All for free, no strings attached.

It was such a generous offer that Gary thought it needed a reason why. So he used the idea of a survey.

“Fill out this survey,” Gary’s letter basically said, “and send it back to us. As thanks, we’ll send you six free issues and the book.”

This campaign was a massive success. A bunch of people sent in their surveys and got their trial six months of Bottom Line/Personal.

The trouble is, they didn’t subscribe much when the trial expired. And those who did subscribe didn’t buy much of Boardroom’s other books or offers.

But a control is a control. And so this survey offer kept running.

Until the second campaign. Which was was also written by Gary Bencivenga. And which also made the same generous offer.

But instead of using the free survey, the second campaign sent a 64-page booklet, titled The Little Black Book of Secrets.

This booklet had the most interesting secrets from different issues of Bottom Line/Personal… along with occasional calls-to-action to get your six free issues + bonus.

Result?

The second campaign pulled in only HALF the number of responses of the survey campaign. But twice as many of those people actually paid to subscribe when their trial ended. Plus, these non-gimmick customers bought way more of Boardroom’s other products.

In the long term, the second campaign was the winner, and became the new control. Which brings me back to the email I got from UNPOL.

The people at UNPOL did right by giving me a second opportunity to wire money to Nigeria. That’s standard direct marketing — it’s called having a back end. But here’s the thing:

I’m a greedy and opportunistic person.

Sure, I liked the big promise of being able to get rich quickly. That’s why I wired my money over the first time. But my interest was fleeting, and I’ve already moved on. That’s why I didn’t reply to Mrs. Parker’s offer today.

It’s pretty much the same as those people who filled in a 2-minute survey to get something free from Boardroom. Because hype and impulsiveness can get you lots of buyers… but those buyers can make a wobbly foundation for your business.

As Michael Fishman said once:

“Your selling copy in the prospecting process can actually impact the longevity of a customer with the company. So what I mean by that is if you make very, very big promises for a self-help product, a health or investment product… if you make very, very big promises for that about quick results and overnight success, etc… the kinds of people that will find that believable and ultimately will buy turn out to be folks that are not very committed in the long run to your company.”

But you’ve stuck with me for over 750 words now. Do you feel yourself becoming a bit committed to reading my stuff for the long run? In that case, you might like to subscribe to my daily email newsletter. It’s free, now and in six months’ time. Here’s the optin.

Petty but powerful: Wiping the smirk off your frenemy’s face

Many parts of Europe are entering lockdown these days. Since I do not like being locked down, I am running in hope of avoiding the avalanche.

And so yesterday, I found myself in a local rent-a-car office. The city I was in had entered lockdown, including for travel. But other parts of the country were still open. So I wanted to rent a car.

“To do what?” asked the rent-a-car clerk, barely looking up from his laptop.

“To leave the city,” I answered.

He snorted and went back to looking at his computer screen. “Not possible.” The subtext was that I was stupid even for asking.

And yet, I managed to rent a car today, after asking at two other places. And as I was driving my tiny Citroen and heading towards freedom, I passed by the first rent-a-car office, the one with the “To do what” clerk.

For a moment, I thought about pulling over, popping into the office, and dangling my Citroen keys in his face. “Not possible, huh?” I imagined him looking at me sourly from behind his laptop, with nothing to say.

Petty, I know. But it’s human nature. And that’s what I want to tell you about.

You might have heard already that one dimension you can add to your copy is to is to bring in an audience.

Usually, that means saying something like, “Imagine the excited crowd of pretty girls pushing past each other for the chance to see you drive down the street in your tiny Citroen.”

But an audience can be more specific, and more negative. Because we all have a relative, a frenemy, or just a rent-a-car clerk who scoffed at us once.

If your product can help wipe the condescending smirk off that person’s face — well, then you should say so. For example:

Imagine that first copywriting blowout you got. Maybe it was your first client… or a bit later on… when somebody told you, “This is beneath my standards. I refuse to pay for this.”

Well, imagine that person, and their face, when they see you a successful, in-demand, persuasive copywriting genius.

Tall order, you say? Not if you sign up for my daily email newsletter, which is full of copywriting lessons like the one you just read. So if you want to get back at that person who gave you your first copywriting blowout… click here to subscribe.

A technique for $100k+ copywriters only

How’s this for under-the-radar persuasion:

In 1999, tobacco company Lorillard (which owns brands like Newport and Kent) ran an ad campaign to keep teens from smoking.

This was part of Lorillard’s public relations work. Officially, the goal was to make the company seem like your alcoholic but benevolent uncle, trying to steer you away from his own wayward path.

But beneath the surface, something else was lurking.

The ad campaign featured the message, “Tobacco is whacko if you’re a teen.” This might sound awkward or quaint, or like a typical example of brand advertising with a stupid slogan.

But it’s not that at all. Dig it:

A later statistical study found that each exposure to this ad increased the intention of middleschoolers to try cigarettes by 3%. In other words, if your kid sees this ad 30 times, his or her odds of trying a cigarette double.

What’s going on?

Well, it’s the tail of that message. “… if you’re a teen.” Which by extension means, tobacco ain’t whacko if you’re grown up. In that case, tobacco is cool-o and sexy-o. No wonder millennial McLovins figured it was time to light up.

My point being:

In traditional direct response marketing, you can’t mess around. You tell people what you’ve got and all the irrefutable reasons why they need it.

But in today’s world, you’ve email and youtube vids and instagram posts. These media are free, so it pays to experiment with alternate messaging. For example…

Instead of telling your prospects your offer is perfect for them, tell them your offer is not right for them. At least not yet, because they are not yet the person they want to become. And then hit them with that same message thirty more times — and your odds of making the sale might double.

And now let me come clean:

My daily email newsletter is totally whacko unless you’re already making $100k+ as a copywriter. But if you don’t believe me, click here and subscribe.

Persuasion world: Men wanted for hazardous journey

A few days ago, I was talking to a successful copywriter. He said he had studied Dan Ferrari’s sales letters in detail.

(Dan, as you might know, is another successful copywriter, with a string of big-name controls.)

So I mentioned a presentation Dan once gave, where he broke down one of his most successful promotions. I offered to send successful copywriter #1 this presentation.

But he seemed reluctant. It seemed he had gotten what he wanted from Dan’s sales letters alone… and he didn’t want or need to hear Dan’s take on it.

And you know what? I can understand.

I liken it to going to see a movie versus reading a review of that same movie. The review might be good, might be bad… but even if it was written by the director himself, it’s certainly going to be a very different experience than seeing the real thing.

It won’t stimulate the same random pathways in the brain. It won’t trigger the same emotions. And it won’t allow for much independent thought.

This applies to you too. Right now, you may be reading books… going through courses… skimming emails like this one. Fine. They can give you the lay of the land when you’re new to a topic.

But the map, as they say in NLP, is not the territory.

Somebody else’s second-order interpretation of what persuasion is all about can only take you so far.

​​The good news is there’s a whole wild and dangerous world of TV shows, movies, current events, tabloids, political propaganda, real-life experiences, and yes, even books and articles, just waiting for you to start exploring and asking — why do I think this is compelling?

If you found this argument compelling, you might like my daily email newsletter. Not for any persuasion lessons it might contain… but rather as an example of content that you can dissect yourself. If that doesn’t turn you off, then click here to subscribe.

Read this now because fake urgency

“This offer will be taken down on Monday August 17.”

That was the threatening notice at the top of the video sales letter.

But it was already well into September. Some technical glitch made it so the page didn’t update to show the date of the upcoming deadline.

As you probably know, deadlines work. Bob Cialdini told us about urgency, but marketers knew about it for decades before.

Thing is, most deadlines are fabricated. Some are more fabricated than others — like the VSL I mentioned above.

I’m not sermonizing that you should only use “real” deadlines and real urgency. But sometimes it’s easy to do so, and it doesn’t require any tech wizardry.

For example, I once wrote a VSL for a kidney disease info product. Kidney disease is chronic, meaning it lasts a long time, and only gets worse.

So at the end of the VSL, I didn’t tell the reader this offer might soon disappear because powerful interests will force the FDA’s hand. Instead, I simply said the following:

But I want you to make this decision now.

You see, kidney disease is much easier to treat the earlier you start to do it.

It’s easier to treat in stage 2 than in stage 3, and it’s MUCH easier to treat in stage 4 than in stage 5.

Look, the information I’m sharing in [product name] will probably be mainstream advice 10 or 20 years in the future.

But you can’t wait for that.

Every day and every week counts, and the sooner you get going, the better your results will be and the better you will feel in the long run.

That’s why I offer this money-back guarantee, because I want you to give this a shot as soon as possible without any risk to you.

I’ve used this same urgency appeal successfully for other health offers, too.

And I think you can try the same argument — the longer you wait to fix this problem, the harder it will get, so why not take up this risk-free offer now — in any aware market. You might not make as many sales as with a fake deadline play… but the quality of the customers will probably be much better.

But here’s some real urgency:

I write a daily email newsletter. If you don’t sign up now, you won’t get today’s edition. That probably doesn’t bother you. But in case it does, click here to subscribe.

A real-life Joker triggered my Spidey sense today

I had a surreal experience today:

I heard a well-known, madly successful guru tell his origin story in a semi-private setting. It all sounded very credible except — only a few days earlier, I had heard him tell the same origin story in another semi-private setting. And the critical details were completely different.

It felt like the scene in The Dark Knight, where the Joker explains how he became the Joker because his daddy cut him up when he was a kid… and then a while later in the movie, he says he became the Joker because he slashed himself up with a razor blade to please his wife.

I’m not sure if the guru in question really was lying. But it’s certainly possible.

Because there are genuine psychos in the business world. And my guess is they are over-represented in the rogues’ gallery of successful gurus, particularly in various marketing and “make money” niches.

Only, unlike in comic books, these real-life psychos don’t dress like the Joker and don’t telegraph their psychopathy with a mad grin. Quite the opposite. As copywriter John Carlton once wrote:

“First, don’t get fooled by people with impeccable manners and loads of charm. I’ve run into more than my share of sociopaths in life, and I’ve actually enjoyed being around them (before I realized what I was dealing with)… These hard-core mofo’s are tough to identify, because they’re good at lying… and good at telling you what they think you want to hear. They’re like ‘Human Whisperers’… they observe humans the way horse whisperers observe and get into the heads of horses… and they can be very, very good at passing themselves off as caring, loving people.”

I’m certainly not telling you to become paranoid and suspicious of everyone you meet.

But when it comes to people who sell online, it’s good to remember that your instincts for who’s trustworthy and who’s not can be manipulated. Perversely, the more quickly and instinctively you trust an online personality, the more your Spidey sense (Batman signal? — apologies for mixing comic book universes) should be going off.

Anyways, here’s another tip:

It’s hard to maintain a psycho facade after a lot of contact over a long period of time. Therefore, if you want to demonstrate your non-psychopathy, one way to do that is to communicate regularly with your audience.

Which is one reason why I write a daily email newsletter, mostly about persuasion, marketing, and manipulation — for psychopaths or not. If you’re interested in trying this newsletter out, click here.

Today’s magic announcement

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
— Arthur C. Clarke

Maybe you heard today’s news:

This year’s Nobel Prize for chemistry is going to UC Berkeley professor Jennifer Doudna for her 2011 discovery of the CRISPR/Cas9 mechanism.

From what I understand, CRISPR is a set of “genetic scissors” that allow you to turn an elephant into a mouse, and a mouse into a louse. In other words, it’s pure magic.

I don’t doubt CRISPR works or that it might one day cure HIV, Huntington’s disease, or sickle cell anemia. But the fact is, I have no idea how it works. On a deep level, I never will. And yet, I’m incredibly excited to read about it, and marvel at the sorcery that is possible today.

My point in bringing this up is something I heard copywriter Parris Lampropoulos say once:

We all believe in magic in one form or another.

Maybe it’s your brand of religion… maybe it’s 34th-century science like CRISPR… maybe it’s karma or vibrations or Wicca or whatever.

But one way or another, human beings want magic in their lives.

They don’t want mundane solutions that improve things a reasonable amount. They want magic — a button to push or a wand to wave or a pill to swallow — which will achieve the impossible, and thrill them in the process.

You might think that’s a tall order. But it’s a good target to shoot for, if you’re in the business of selling people what they want.

Speaking of which:

If you’re looking to be thrilled and surprised, every day, then you might like my email newsletter. To make it magically appear in your inbox, simply click here and fill out the form which pops up out of nowhere.

Try not to enjoy reading this post

Hypnotist Mike Mandel says that there is a magic power word, which you can use to get people to fail. What’s more, if you find yourself using this word to describe your own actions, expect that you will fail also.

What is this magic word?

I’ll tell you but be careful. The word is “try.”

Mike has all sorts of technical explanations for the destructive power of try. But my best evidence (and maybe yours, if you give it a try) is just by looking inside my own brain software. Whenever I found myself saying, “I’ll give it a try,” or “I’ll try my best,” deep down, I found I was expecting to fail. And often, fail I did.

I’m telling you this for two reasons:

First, it might be worth kicking the word “try” out of your own vocabulary, down to the curb with the rest of the head trash. It might take some time to find other words that will express what you want to say. But when you do, you will probably find the effort was worth it.

Second, if you write copy, then you can use the word “try” to get other people to fail. Why would you want to do such a cruel thing? Well, a classic example is the three-pronged road at the end of so many sales letters:

“So here are your options now. Option one is you can go back to what you were doing before, pulling your hair out and picking at your skin while your unsolved problem mounts and your family looks at you with growing suspicion each passing day.

“​​Option two is you take the breakthrough system I’ve just described to you and TRY to implement it yourself. But you know how that’s going to turn out, don’t you?

“​​And then finally, you’ve got option three, which is to accept the risk-free offer I’m making you today. And then just try not to shout with joy when your problem is finally solved…”

Finally, I’d like to announce that I write a daily email newsletter. Try not to sign up for it. But if you find you aren’t successful, then click here and follow the instructions.