Psychology Behind Advertising

You are not an introvert

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In my last-ever real job, some 10 years ago, I was a manager at a 100-person IT company.

Well, not really a manager. I was a scrum master, which might sound either like some kind of S&M role or a made-up demon name from Ghostbusters.

So each each week, I the scrum master and our teams “product owner” (another Ghostbusters-themed managerial role) had to meet with the owner of the company to give him an update on how we were progressing.

We had been working for over a year, building a large piece of software that was one day supposed to be sold to big pharma companies like Glaxo Smith Kline.

But it wasn’t ready yet. Or anywhere close to ready. Our team wasn’t making any money. We were just a giant drain on company resources.

So when we sat down with the owner of the company, he gave us a weary look.

“Tell me guys,” he said a little bitterly, “how many sales have you made this week?”

I put on my straight face. And I shrugged my shoulders as if to suggest it’s all relative. “Do you mean the week starting this Monday,” I said, “or starting Sunday?”

The owner of the company locked his eyes on me. He squinted for a second.

​​And then he brightened and started to laugh, the joke being that we had never made any sales and it was doubtful we ever would. “All right all right,” he said with a smile, “at least tell me how the development is going.”

Now I don’t have a life history of joshing and ribbing and joking with people who have authority over me.

But I did it in this case, and it worked out well.

The reason I did it — the reason the joke came naturally, at the right moment, on its own — was that the previous few days, I had started walking around town, approaching girls on the street, complimenting them, and even asking them out.

On the one hand, approaching unfamiliar girls in the middle of the street, often in the middle of a crowd, and starting a conversation — well, it was immensely hard.

But it was also very liberating. Literally. There were parts of my brain that I didn’t even know were there that suddenly became active and alive.

And that’s how I found myself spontaneously teasing my boss, and instantly turning him from a bitter to a good mood.

My point being that over the past few years or the past decade, there’s been a lot of celebrating of introverts, and a lot of proud ownership of being an introvert.

​​Some people even take a holier-than-thou attitude to it, and claim that they alone are the real introverts, while others are just poser-introverts.

Whatever. I’d like to suggest to you that if you think you are an introvert — even a real, natural introvert, the way I thought of myself for years, and which I had very hard evidence for — it’s only one configuration of the person you can be.

Clinging to the idea you are an introvert is little like saying you are a sitting person. Because whenever you see an empty chair, you are tempted to sit in it, and when you do sit, you find it comforting. And then, concluding from that, “Oh no, I’m not a walking type. I just can’t. It drains me. I’m a sitting person.”

And my bigger belief, if you care to know it is this:

You are lots of things. You have different abilities and resources, including those you are not aware of, until you put ourselves into a situation to make use of them.

​​Yes, it might be immensely hard at first. But it can also be liberating. Literally.

Ok, on to business:

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Coldblooded psychopath persuasion

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The detective sat at the corner of the table, looking the suspect in the face.

The suspect sighed. “What are my options?” he asked.

“Well,” the detective said, “I don’t think you want the coldblooded psychopath option. I might be wrong. Because I’ve met guys who enjoyed the notoriety. Who got off on having that label. I don’t see that in you. If I saw that in you I wouldn’t be back here, talking to you.”

The suspect sighed again. He gave a sad little smile and nodded.

“But maybe I’m wrong,” the detective continued. “Maybe you got me fooled. I don’t know.”

At this, the suspect locked up. He stared at the floor. He didn’t say anything for a while.

“Russell,” the detective said, “what are we gonna do?”

The suspect took a breath. He looked at the detective directly and said, “Call me Russ, please.”

That’s the climax from the 10-hour interrogation of Russell Williams.

Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Armed Forces, and an army pilot who had flown Queen Elizabeth II, the Duke of Edinburgh, and the Prime Minister of Canada.

But away from his picture-perfect military career, Williams had a very, very dark side.

Between 2007 and 2010, he started breaking into homes — 82 in all.

During the early breakins, he would photograph himself wearing women’s underwear and then sneak out. In time, this escalated to sexual assault. And then, it escalated further, to rapes and two murders.

The police had some evidence to tie Williams to one of the crime scenes. They had him come in for questioning.

Over the course of the interrogation, Williams started to realize he was in serious trouble. But really, all the police had on him was circumstantial evidence. He could have called for a lawyer, and who knows how the case would have gone.

And then came that exchange up top. It was the climax of the investigation.

Very soon after that exchange, Williams agreed to tell the police where he had hidden the body of Jessica Lloyd, his final victim. This effectively sealed the case, and led to Williams’s full confession.

It might seem gruesome to look for persuasion tactics in murder investigations. But such is life. Because the same stuff that works to influence a coldblooded psychopath works in general too.

Let me point out what happened in that climactic exchange above:

The detective first paid Williams a compliment (“I don’t see that in you”). Williams smiled and nodded at the compliment.

But then the detective snatched the compliment away (“But maybe I’m wrong”). Williams felt that loss.

If, like me, you know anything about the world of pick up artists, you might recognize this technique. Pick up artists call it the push-pull.

Copywriters use it too. Here’s an example from the start of a Dan Kennedy sales letter:

“Truth is, most people give lip-service to ambition, but secretly are not all that eager or determined. This is only for those very, very serious and determined to create excellent income and steady flow of good clients, for a real freelance business. If you’re content making just a few hundred dollars a month on the side, an occasional assignment now and then, really just having a nice money hobby, there’s nothing wrong with that – but you can stop reading this now.”

Again, it might seem gruesome to compare sales copy to a rape and murder investigation. And maybe I’m just trying to justify my morbid and scattershot interests.

But the truth is, there are powerful persuasion lessons all around.

If you made it to the end of this post, then I imagine you’re probably curious enough and clear-sighted enough to see that.

But maybe I’m wrong. In that case, you can stop reading now. And definitely don’t sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Otherwise, go here to get your spot.

Dumb “accomplishment purchases”

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Two days ago, I found myself in a hypnotic daze, fumbling around on a domain-buying website.

I was 100% ready to put down $5,899 to buy a 14-year-old domain.

The back story is that a couple years ago, I had an idea for an info business. I even had a great name in mind.

But back then, the .com domain was taken. For that and a few more reasons, my drive to start up that business gradually got weaker… and weaker… and then slipped into a coma.

But then, a few days ago, against all odds, my drive for that business awoke from the coma and jumped out of bed. And the first thing it had me do was see if the domain had become available.

It had!

It was there, ready to be bought, for the low, low price of $5,899, or 24 monthly payments of just $245.79.

I clicked on the “Buy Now” button.

The page asked me to create an account. So I did. I tried to log in.

No soap.

“Click the verification link in the email we just sent you,” it said.

I checked my inbox. Nothing.

I checked it again. Still nothing.

“Fine,” I said, “I’ll do it later tonight.” And I started looking over my notes and plans from two years ago about this business idea.

“Hmm,” I said to myself.

I spent more time reading notes and making plans.

This wasn’t going to be easy, I remembered.

By the time the evening rolled around, my interest in this info business — and that $5,899 domain — had snuck back into bed and fell into a deep sleep.

As of today, it seems to be back in a coma.

I’m sharing this with you as a precautionary tale that might save you some grief.

Because from what I’ve seen in my 6+ years of working as a direct response copywriter… most people in the DR world are by nature opportunity seekers.

That includes me.

And as an opportunity seeker, I often, in a hypnotic daze, mistake spending money with accomplishment.

Like I said, maybe that’s you too. If so, remember my domain-buying story, and the following coma of my drive to build the actual business.

This isn’t just about saving yourself thousands or tens of thousands of dollars… though there’s a good chance that remembering this story can do that.

But more important, it’s about saving your drive and self-respect. Because every failed “accomplishment purchase” saps those virtues a little bit.

The fact is, good opportunities are out there.

But inevitably, it takes some work to make them work. And the fewer dumb “accomplishment purchases” you’ve made before, the easier it will be to do that necessary work.

Anyways, here’s an easy opportunity that costs little money and requires even less work.

I have an email newsletter. It’s free to sign up and even more free to read. In case you want to grab a spot, here’s where to go.

The #1 rule for independent thinking

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One day not so long ago, I was taking a short six-hour break to poke around the Internet, when I saw a trending article that made me chuckle. The title read:

“25 Anti-Mimetic Tactics for Living a Counter-Cultural Life”

I chuckled because the term mimetic — how humans imitate each other — exploded in popularity in the second half of last year. The source of the explosion was the book Wanting, which was published last June and soon after became a bestseller. Suddenly, mimetic was everywhere.

And that to me was the funny bit.

Mimetic the term is itself mimetic. And so that article about anti-mimetic strategies is a little like writing,

“An Independent Thinker’s Guide to Independent Thinking for Other Independent Thinkers”

I bring this up because of a fundamental belief I have, which I want to share with you. Maybe it will resonate with you, and maybe it will even be valuable to you in some way. My belief is this:

If an idea is worthwhile, it will still be worthwhile in a year from now.

On the other hand, if an idea seems worthwhile today, there’s a good chance it won’t seem so in a year.

This leads to a simple rule:

Only give your attention to the many ideas that have survived for at least a year. Articles, books, scientific theories, comic strips, cocktail recipes, Saturday Night Live skits, terms and phrases.

And yes. I understand the contradictory nature of sharing this idea with you in a disposable daily email. The only thing I can say is that I’ve never shied away from contradicting myself.

Anyways, Wanting, the book, was published on June 1, 2021. I still haven’t read it — and I won’t, at least until its one-year anniversary. That’s what I recommend to you as well.

But maybe you’re looking for something to read.

Maybe even something that’s been around for more than a year.

In that case, I can further recommend a little book I wrote and published some 18 months ago.

It collects 10 ideas — some of them a few years old, some a few decades, one almost a century — from 10 of history’s most successful and most influential direct marketers and copywriters.

To find out more or to grab a copy:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

How to be seen as a more credible source of solutions and advice

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Today, YouTube served me with up a recent interview that PBS did with Garry Kasparov.

Kasparov was World Chess Champion for 20 years and then an opposition leader in Russia.

“Unfortunately,” the interviewer said in his opening move to Kasparov, “you turned out to be right. Back in 2015, you wrote a book called ‘Winter is Coming: Why Vladimir Putin and the Enemies of the Free World Must Be Stopped.'”

The interviewer took a breath after reading out that title. He went on:

“Now that we see what he’s doing, what should our response be?”

Given Kasparov’s book, this might seem like a reasonable question to ask.

And that’s just the point I want to make to you today. There’s something important hiding inside that question.

In the words of Mark Ford and John Forde from Great Leads… the fact that you understand what’s wrong can help make you seem like a more credible source for solutions, too.

The fact is, just because Kasparov wrote a book critical of Putin gives him no special insight on how to stop the raging war in Ukraine. The two are about as related as knowing that “heavy turbulence makes for unpleasant flights” and knowing how to land a jumbo jet.

And yet, it doesn’t matter. The human instinct to jump from one to the other. Because when we’ve got trouble, it’s natural to look outside ourselves for the solution. And at those times, we are willing to accept a lot of things as qualifications and authority.

The takeaway for you is clear:

Don’t build a better mousetrap.

Instead, write a book. Educate your prospect about the dangerous breeding habits and expansionary intent of the eastern harvest mouse. “The eastern harvest mouse is coming,” your book should say. “And it must be stopped.”

Ok, let’s get to the business end of this post:

If you want more advice on building credibility with your audience, you might get value from my email newsletter. That’s where I regularly write about reasons that credibility fails. You can sign up for it here.

Reddit vs. Hacker News: How to get better customers, clients, readers, and business partners

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Paul Graham is a computer programmer, writer, and early-stage tech investor.

His startup fund, Y Combinator, helped start a bunch of famous companies, like Airbnb, Dropbox, DoorDash, Instacart, Zapier, and Reddit.

The total valuation of all Y Combinator companies is now over $400 billion. Y Combinator owns 7% of that, or roughly $30 billion.

Really, the only reason I know this is because I’ve been a regular reader of Hacker News for the past 14+ years.

Hacker News is a news board. Graham started it in 2006 as a way of sharing interesting ideas and getting connected to tech talent. Today, Hacker News gets over five million readers each month.

I’ve been thinking about creating something similar, just with a different focus. So I was curious to read Graham’s 2009 article, What I Learned From Hacker News, about the early experience of creating and running HN.

This bit stood out to me:

But what happened to Reddit won’t inevitably happen to HN. There are several local maxima. There can be places that are free for alls and places that are more thoughtful, just as there are in the real world; and people will behave differently depending on which they’re in, just as they do in the real world.

I’ve observed this in the wild. I’ve seen people cross-posting on Reddit and Hacker News who actually took the trouble to write two versions, a flame for Reddit and a more subdued version for HN.

Maybe this only stood out to me because something I’ve thought and written about before.

Your content, marketing, and offers select a certain type of audience. That much is obvious.

What is less obvious is that your content and marketing and offers also change people. Because none of us is only one type of person all the time.

So if you want an audience that’s smarter, that’s more respectful, that’s more thoughtful and less scatterbrained, then make it clear that’s what you expect. And lead by example.

This can be transformative in your everyday dealings with clients, customers, readers, and prospects. And who knows. It might even become the foundation on which you build a future online community.

If you found this interesting, you might like my email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

Skunk email with a great and valuable reward

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This email won’t be easy or pleasant to get through.

​​In fact it will take work and it might make you feel queasy along the way. But if you can manage it to the end, the rewards will be great.

Let me start by telling you I’m re-reading Claude Hopkins’s My Life in Advertising. And one story I missed before is this bit from Hopkins’s childhood:

One of the products which father advertised was Vinegar Bitters. I afterward learned its history.

A vinegar-maker spoiled a batch through some queer fermentation. Thus he produced a product weird in its offensiveness.

The people of those days believed that medicine must be horrible to be effective.

We had oils and ointments “for man or beast” which would make either wild. We used “snake oil” and “skunk oil,” presumably because of their names.

Unless the cure was worse than the disease, no one would respect it.

Today we assume that every offer must be fast, easy, and cheap.

But human nature changes like glass flows — so slowly that we will never see it happen.

And a part of the human brain still believes, like it did in Hopkins’s day, that the cure must be worse than the disease. At least along some dimension.

So if your offer is fast and easy, make sure it’s not cheap.

Or if your offer really is all of fast, easy, and cheap… then at least throw a skunk or a snake into it somewhere.

In other words, turn your prospect into a hero. Tell him a story:

He’s somebody who’s willing to do what’s offensive to others… somebody who can swallow what would turn most men or beasts wild. ​​No, it won’t be easy or pleasant. But if he can manage it to the end, the rewards will be great.

Last thing:

Maybe you’d like to know I have an email newsletter. It’s cheap and easy, but it’s very slow. You can sign up for it here.

Marketers are from Mars, prospects are from—?

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John Gray catches a lot of flak for his 1992 best-seller, Men are from Mars, Women are from Wenus.

But I’ve personally gotten a lot of use out of this short idea from Gray’s book:

“The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what is bothering her, and then proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-It cap and offers her a solution to make her feel better. He is confused when she doesn’t appreciate this gesture of love. No matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening, he doesn’t get it and keeps doing the same thing. She wants empathy, but he thinks she wants solutions.”

The thing is, it’s not just men who prematurely jump to solutions. And it’s not just women who will ignore offered solutions, even when they are perfectly good.

We are all like this, much of the time.

When we are frustrated, most of us hate having suggestions tossed at us. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? It would never work in my case! Why don’t you just listen for a second?”

I know I’ve reacted like this, at least internally, while keeping up a stoic front. And I’ve seen plenty of other guys — some of them manly, practical-minded men – nervously shrugging off good solutions to their ongoing problems.

The question to me is why? Why do women and men both choose not solve problems for which there are good solutions?

I’ve spent a bit of time thinking about this.

My conclusion is this isn’t a trivial human quirk, or like Gray says, just a hysterical cry for a bit of empathy.

Instead, my feeling is it goes back to fundamental human needs, like those I talked about yesterday.

Specifically, the need for uniqueness… and the need for meaning.

​​It might not seem very rational from the outside, but it makes perfect sense from the inside:

People will hold on to their problems just so they can keep feeling unique. “I might not have much… but I’ve got trouble like nobody’s ever seen.”

Or they will cling to pain and failure, even when there’s an easy way out. Because if there really is an easy way out, then what was the purpose of all that suffering they’ve experienced in the past?

In other words:

You might be selling your prospect a shiny new chrome pipe. And your prospect might desperately need it — the old pipe is rusted out and the basement is filling up with water. But what you don’t realize is that installing that new pipe might undermine the very foundations of your prospect’s house.

So that’s the problem that you face.

It’s tricky.

And it’s definitely unique.

But don’t worry. I won’t irritate you with any pigheaded suggestions for how you can solve this problem. At least I won’t do it here.

I’ll save that for an upcoming paid product. Maybe I will call it Marketers Are From Mars, Prospects Are From— but where exactly? I still have to work that part out. In case you want to get notified when this mansplaining guide comes out, sign up for my email newsletter.

Hating and loving in love and copy

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A few years ago, I was walking along the street when I saw a queer sight:

An elderly couple was walking towards me, together but not together.

The woman was walking on the sidewalk.

​​Walking parallel to her, but about 10 feet away and in the actual road where the cars go, was her husband.

“That’s a strange way to walk with somebody,” I thought.

As they passed, I heard the woman speaking to the man, without facing him:

“That’s good. The further you are, the better. I don’t want to see you or hear you.”

Like I said, these people were elderly. I guess in their 60s or 70s. They’ve probably been married for a few decades, or maybe a half century.

How fitting, I thought. It really sums up the human condition.

The woman can’t stand her stupid husband. And yet they are together. If anything happened to him, she would probably be lost.

I had a suspicion about this kind of thing for a while.

It didn’t become clear in my head until I heard a Tony Robbins talk on the matter.

All human beings have a few fundamental needs, says Tony. And all our problems surface because half of our needs directly contradict the other half.

Turns out we are all rather complex bundles of different desires.

And though we say we want one thing, the exact opposite urge is also lurking somewhere, not far below the surface.

So when you write your copy, keep this in mind.

Promise people excitement and novelty… as well as certainty and control.

Offer to make them unique and outstanding… as well as beloved and part of a community.

People want magic. They will go through their whole lives wanting to believe it’s true. All you have to do is to tell them it is in fact so.

The BYAF compliance method

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“Can I move? I’m better when I move.”

There’s a sexy scene in the 1969 classic Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid:

Butch and Sundance are American outlaws who have run away to Bolivia. They’re trying to get work at a Bolivian silver mine.

The boss at the mine wants to see if either Butch or Sundance can shoot a gun. What a joke. Sundance is the fastest and deadliest gun in the West.

So the boss throws a rock 30 feet away. “Hit that,” he says.

Sundance straightens his arm… takes aim… fires and misses.
​
The boss spits on the ground. He turns around and starts to walk away.

“Can I move?” Sundance asks.

“Move?” the boss says. “What the hell you mean move?”

In a split second, Sundance squats down, pulls out his gun, shoots the rock and then shoots it again while it’s midair, splitting it in two.

In other words:​​

It’s not common sense… but sometimes you get better results if you give people some space to move.

A while back, I read an academic paper about something called the BYAF compliance method.

​​BYAF = but you are free.

​​You make a request, and you tell people they are free to say no. It’s supposed to double the number of yeses you get.

It also goes against all copywriting dogma.

​​Copywriters will tell you that you should close off all doors… conclusively answer all objections… and PUSH PUSH PUSH for the sale.

So who’s right?

The BYAF crowd has 42 scientific studies on its side.

​​The “slam all the doors shut” copywriters have hundreds of millions or billions of dollars worth of sales behind them.

You might think the conclusion is clear. But I think it really depends on who you’re dealing with.

For example, Jim Camp was a negotiation expert who worked with Fortune 500 execs while they negotiated multi-billion-dollar deals.

One of the big tenets of his negotiation system was allowing people to say no.

​​It didn’t mean ending the negotiation… in fact, no was just the beginning.

Because Camp said that in the kinds of negotiations he was involved in, “slamming all the doors shut” so your prospect feels caged in and only has the option you want him to take… well, that was a recipe for an abrupt end to the negotiation, without ever being welcome back for round two.

Does this apply in copywriting?

I definitely think so.

Sure, there are markets where people need you to be a German Shepherd, barking at them so they make their way into the fold in an orderly fashion.

​​But there are other markets, equally as profitable or more so, where it’s better to allow people to move before you ask them to shoot.

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