Psychology Behind Advertising

Reader tells me to give up on the 10 Commandments

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A couple weeks ago, after I wrote an email in which I announced the imminent release of my new 10 Commandments book, a reader decided to reply with:

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Some advice… give up on the Book of 10 and take hold on the Promise of 1 – just as you so neatly summarised in this email. 1 is so much better than 10 in that, that single promise fulfils all the old hat laws you could ever throw at it.

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I never bothered to reply to this, and the reader has since unsubscribed from my list.

That’s just as well. What follows wouldn’t be useful to him, but maybe you can benefit from the advice I was silently thinking of for this reader, which I couldn’t share for reasons that will be obvious if you read on:

Don’t tell people they’re wrong.

Particularly, don’t tell people they’re wrong if they are a couple of years into a project, the way I was with my now-released 10 Commandments book.

Even if you’re right, people have to find out on their own. And in telling them, you will only antagonize them.

Ironically enough, the very first commandment of my new 10 Commandments book is directly related to this issue.

That first commandment (of 10) goes beyond keeping mum when you’re sure somebody is making a mistake, and tells you some proactive and positive things to do in order to take advantage of the underlying human psychology, which makes people so resist being told that they are wrong.

My ex-reader won’t profit from the advice in that commandment. But you can:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

1 week, 1 review

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One week ago, I published my new 10 Commandments book. Since then, I’ve sold around 200 copies. I’ve also gotten exactly one review, a five-star one from email copywriter Anthony La Tour.

I’m grateful to Anthony for his review. He did what he could for me.

But one review? It don’t look good to have a book with one review. What gives?

A part is that this new 10 Commandments book is longer than my previous 10 Commandments book. It’s taking people longer to read. Maybe more reviews will come when a few more people finish.

Another part is that Amazon is slow to approve and propagate reviews.

A couple people have written me that they’ve submitted reviews that Amazon has not yet published. And in the UK Amazon marketplace, two good souls, copywriter Andrew Harkin and craftsman writer James Carran, both gave me nice 5-star reviews, which are not yet shown in the US Amazon store.

And finally, still another part is that effective email marketing is to blame.

About a dozen of my readers who have audiences of their own have promoted my book to their lists, which is a kind of review that doesn’t show up on Amazon. Plus another dozen or so people have replied to my daily emails to tell me that they like, love, or adore the new book.

I’m grateful to everyone who has written me or promoted my book or reviewed it.

Now let me share with you my favorite review, which has come not from a copywriter, not a list owner, not a direct marketer, but from one of my best friends, Sam.

Sam and I have known each other for 20+ years from our time subsisting on popcorn and beer while studying computer science at the birthplace of NLP, the University of California at Santa Cruz.

During those 20+ years, Sam and I have mostly maintained a kind of dry, sarcastic, bantery interaction with each other, which tends to shy away from emotional confessions and naked sincerity. But here’s what Sam wrote me yesterday:

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I just finished your book. I love it. Yes, yes, just like your mom’s praise you think I’m saying this because you’re a good guy and a better friend but it is really fucking good. I am impressed that you finished it and impressed by how good it is. The stories are great, the pacing is great, and even people that didn’t know anything about it would find it intriguing. I’m imagining if we came across it in the UCSC library return cart or at an Airbnb we would be intrigued enough to crack it open and captivated enough to finish it. BJ all around! [“BJ” is Sam’s shorthand for “brilliant job.”]

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I’ve confessed before how to my non-entrepreneurial brain, praise from readers is more much meaningful than sales made. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is a fact.

(I’d be much more successful if I only cared more about money, but like Rich Schefren says, you gotta put your business goals ahead of your personal development goals.)

Sam’s praise was particularly meaningful. And in case you’re wondering whether this might possibly have anything to do with you, except being a shameless plug for my new book, here’s the basic idea:

Ultimately, most people care about the praise and respect of others above almost all other things. Even the people who care much more about money than I do really just care about money as a means to get that praise and respect.

Maybe this is obvious to you, or maybe it seems trivial. What might not be as obvious or trivial is how this very fundamental human need for praise and respect translates into specific episodes of influence, across various disciplines ranging from boardroom negotiation, copywriting, screenwriting, and yes, confidence games.

In case you would like to dig into this topic a little more deeply, so you can apply it to your business or everyday interactions, you can find it drilled and fracked inside Commandment I of my new book. Commandment I, because it’s that fundamental. To find out more:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

God I hate marketing

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I was at the gym yesterday, listening to a Spanish-language podcast — two likeable and chill Mexican guys, Hector and Beto, having a conversation in Spanish about ordinary things.

Halfway through the episode, Hector said the Spanish equivalent of, “And now we have to tell you about our new sponsor.”

I ran to my phone in desperation so I could skip ahead before hearing anything about the sponsor. I still heard the guys continuing the conversation for a bit, now about a new language-learning app.

After I skipped past the sponsored content, I thought, how odd. I mean, I listen to this podcast for the comprehensible input, and because I like these two guys. What does it matter if they’re talking about the traffic in Mexico City versus some new language-learning app?

I recently had a conversation with my friend Sam. Somehow that conversation veered to the 90s TV drama My So-Called Life, which was supposed to represent the lives of teenagers at the time.

I remember the cool, hot guy in that show, played by Jared Leto, casually mentioning in one episode that he was going to a Dinosaur Jr. concert. That made my teen self dismiss Dinosaur Jr. for the next 15 years. I figured if they were being plugged on TV, they must be shit. (Later, I somehow rediscovered Dinosaur Jr. and thought they were amazing.)

The point is, I hate marketing. I use the word “hate” because it’s adequate to represent the strength of my feeling here. I hate having somebody step into my life and tell me what to think or do, or worse yet, helpfully “suggest” it in a way that seems altruistic but that is of course self-interested.

And yet…

I have frequently bought stuff because I was marketed to. I have bought courses, subscriptions, clothes, food, shoes, and books because of marketing.

I’ve also bought experiences — hotel rooms, trips, rental cars, conferences, and one time, a hot-air-baloon ride — because somebody marketed it to me.

I’ve probably made even more fundamental choices in life — universities to apply to, cities to live in, careers to choose, attitudes to believe in — based on marketing.

In each of those cases, had I thought about the marketing at all, I would have been grateful for the guidance and help, at least at the moment of purchase, and if the actual product or service turned out to be good, later as well.

Aaron Sorkin once talked about good manipulation vs. bad manipulation. “There’s no difference,” said Sorkin. “It’s only when manipulation is obvious, then it’s bad manipulation.”

I used to think Sorkin was right. I don’t think so any more.

I don’t think it’s about obvious vs. non-obvious.

Good manipulation is simply the manipulation that ends up working. At least that’s what I can see in myself.

When somebody successfully manipulates me, I backwards rationalize and justify and tell myself that I am grateful and this person is cool for cluing me in and guiding and taking me to some place better or at least new.

Bad manipulation, on the other hand, is the kind that ends up not working.

No matter how helpful, funny, cute, informative the manipulation aims to be, I end up interpreting it at best as a distraction, at worst as an insult to my intelligence and self-sovereignty.

All that’s to say, if you want to influence others — and unless you’re a Carmelite nun, who lives according to a vow of total obedience, then you try to influence others most of the time — you might as well become effective at it.

It’s not only a matter of getting what you want in life more often, but also of being seen as a cool, helpful person more often, rather than as a distraction or a “manipulator.”

And with that, I’d like to remind you of my new 10 Commandments book. Much of the book deals with techniques to overcome people’s natural tendency to resist and react being moved — even though they will end up happy and grateful if you do succeed in moving them.

Specifically, Commandments I-V, Commandments VIII-IX, and the apocryphal 11th commandment that I give away as a bonus at the end of the book, are all one way or another about this tricky and inevitable conflict in human nature.

In case you haven’t gotten a copy of my new book yet:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

Platform is magic

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I went for a walk this morning and as I was dodging the puddles from last night’s rain, I listened to a podcast, a conversation between James Schramko and Dean Jackson.

In case those names are not familiar to you, both belong to Internet marketers who have been in the business a combined 50+ years.

Both James and Dean have made many millions of dollars for themselves and many more for their clients and customers.

Whatever. The point is simply that, in the little corner of the Internet where I live, these guys are influential and established and respected. I’ve known about each for many years, and I’ve been paying attention to both intensely over the past year.

This morning, while listening to the podcast, James Schramko talked about changes he had made to his business following the advice of his friend, a guy named Kory Basaraba.

That caught my attention and maybe made me step into a puddle.

The fact is, I’ve known Kory for years. A few years ago, back when I was still doing freelance copywriting stuff, I even worked with him.

Through this experience, I know Kory is smart, successful, and established. But on hearing his name being mentioned on a podcast, by two people I follow, I felt some sort of electric jolt.

I don’t know how wide of a reach this Schramko/Dean podcast episode might get. Maybe a few thousand people, maybe tens of thousands? In any case it’s not Joe Rogan.

It doesn’t matter. My opinion of Kory, while it was positive before, suddenly jumped. He got the warm bright glow of a star in my eyes.

Of course, I’m a hardened cynic and a bit of a wizard when it comes to knowing influence spells. So I quickly shook my head to clear my mind from this strange persuasion.

But I wanted to share this story with you, such as it is, for a bit of motivation.

I don’t understand what it is about having a platform. Maybe I’ll figure it out one day.

Right now, my best answer is that having a platform is simply magic.

A few hundred or a few thousand people around the world listen to you. It’s not a tremendous amount of reach or power. But it doesn’t matter.

The very fact of having a platform, of speaking to a group of people, gives you status and authority and charisma, and even the power to transfer that to others, simply by mentioning their name. That’s magic.

The motivating part is that, if you haven’t done so already, you can do this same thing for yourself.

Nobody’s stopping you from starting a podcast, or writing an email newsletter, today.

Like I said, you don’t need a tremendous overall audience to have a tremendous influence on the people who do listen or read to what you have to say. I can vouch for that from personal experience, having been both on top of the platform at certain times, and in the audience, looking up, at other times.

I know nothing about podcasting. But I know something about newsletters. Such as for example, that the more often you send emails, the greater your influence over the people in your audience.

And with that in mind, let me point you to a service that can help make it easier to send something every day, so you can work your magic quickly:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

The dark side of social proof

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Here’s a story of a lovely refund:

Some time ago, I promoted an affiliate offer. As with all affiliate offers I promote, I made sure it’s a great offer I can fully get behind.

A guy from my list, somebody who regularly replied to my emails but never bought anything, bought this offer via my affiliate link. Then a few days later, he refunded it.

That’s part of the deal. Sometimes people buy, and if you offer a money back guarantee, sometimes they refund.

The following however is not part of the deal:

That refunding customer started writing me emails. First he explained that the course he bought didn’t have that “wow factor” and that’s why he refunded. He also asked what I would have done in the same situation?

In a future email, he complained that the course creator wasn’t replying to emails and inquiries quickly enough.

And finally, once the refunding reader got his refund, he claimed he couldn’t see the money landing in his bank account (even though the money was refunded as per ThriveCart). He kept writing me updates about the supposedly pending refund for a couple months.

Maybe the point of my story is not really clear, so let me spell it out:

The point is social proof.

People take an action or make a decision.

They then have to create the reality for themselves that this was the right thing to do.

And since we are social animals, that means getting others to agree with us and feed that back to us, otherwise it’s not really real.

That’s what I felt was going on here. This refunding customer seemed to have no rancor for me for promoting an offer that he decided to refund. Quite the opposite. He was writing me messages for months, trying to get me in some way to agree that either the course or the course creator were to blame, and that he was right in his decision.

Maybe you know the famous story of a UFO cult who was expecting a UFO to land in Chicago on Dec 21 1954, and whisk away the believers before a huge tidal wave wiped out the face of the Earth.

December 21 came and went. No UFO came. No tidal wave came either.

The UFO cult was headed by a woman named Dorothy Martin. She was in contact with the aliens via automatic writing (and sometimes over the phone).

In the hours after the supposed UFO arrival failed to materialize, Martin got the message that the aliens had decided to spare the Earth because of the good work of the UFO cult in spreading the word.

But here’s the really curious thing:

The UFO cult, which until then had been very secretive, very hostile to publicity, very closed to outsiders, suddenly went on a PR blitz, announcing to the world the good news. It was no longer enough for the cultists to be in direct contact with powerful aliens who had decided to spare the Earth from destruction — everybody else had to know about it too.

So that’s the dark side of social proof. We don’t just rely on others’ experiences to help guide our beliefs and decisions. We also seek to convince others that our beliefs and past experiences are right.

That’s all I got for you today. I realize it’s a somehow nasty thing to talk about, a bit destabilizing and inhuman. A positive way to spin it is that our reality is co-created with others, and that you have the opportunity to impact and guide that.

Anyways, if you want to see social proof in action, I’ve got about six pages’ worth of it below in the form of testimonials, creating a reality that my Daily Email Habit is a wonderful service, maybe the best service in the world, at least if you have an email list. I believe it, and I really want you to believe it too, so please click through and start reading:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

Top 3%

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I just finished playing today’s Which Year puzzle. I wrote about Which Year yesterday:

A new puzzle game, currently trending on, or speeding along, the digital superhighway.

Which Year shows you photos, and you try to guess the year the photo was taken. The closer the better.

Yesterday, I made the claim that the main reason Which Year has quickly gained popularity is not the core idea (solid, even if it’s nothing magical), but the tweak, taken from Wordle, that new puzzles are only available once a day, and everybody gets the same.

But there’s another big reason for Which Year’s fast success, and it’s again taken from Wordle:

After you finish puzzling today’s Which Year puzzles (5 separate images), you see your score compared to everyone else in the world.

I placed in the top 3%, and am very proud to tell you so, which is really the point of meh email today. The point goes all the way back to one of the founders of psychotherapy, Alfred Adler.

Adler disagreed with Freud that sex is the basis of man’s struggle in life. Instead, Adler believed that a feeling of inferiority was the core human experience and drive.

You might think I’m really stretching this email, having started out with a trending puzzle game 10 sentences ago and now telling you about psychotherapy and inferiority as the basis of human experience.

But that’s kind of Adler’s point. Wanting to not feel inferior — not wanting to be first necessarily, but definitely not wanting to be last, or close to last — is a key driver of everything we do, all the time. It’s the reason for the clothes we choose, the vacations we take, and the games we play, whether hidden (such as Mine Is Better Than Yours) or overt (Which Year).

Translate that to marketing and business, and you get:

If you wanna motivate people, then appeal to what’s already motivating to them. Bolt a bit of scarcity or inferiority-avoidance onto your core idea — solid, even if nothing magical — and you can create a global hit. Or at least something that’s not in last place, or close to last.

So much for motivation. In other news:

This morning, I’ve shipped off the draft of my new 10 Commandments book to a few friends for feedback. While that’s happening, I would like to remind you of my own daily puzzle game, which integrates some fundamental human motivators that I cribbed from Wordle. You can find out more about it here:

​https://bejakovic.com/deh

P.S. Yesterday, I asked three “Which Year” text puzzles. Here are the answers:

1. The first (and so far only) killer swamp rabbit attack on a U.S. president happened on April 20, 1979. (The president was Jimmy Carter.)

2. Nutella debuted on Italian store shelves on April 20, 1964.

3. Oil prices dropped below zero (if you could buy a lot, and have somewhere to put it), on April 20, 2020.

Which year?

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I opened up Hacker News today to find a trending website, Which Year, that shows you a photo and then you try to guess what year the photo was taken.

“Ok,” I thought, “but why so popular?”

For reference, Hacker News is a kind of link-sharing site where thousands of nerds congregate every day and upvote for the links they like best and downvote the rest.

Most links shared on Hacker news get a few dozen summed-up points, some get up to 100. Which Year, which was posted just 9 hours ago, currently has 349 points, which is by far the most of any link posted today.

I clicked through to Which Year out of idle curiosity, and it was immediately obvious to me why this simple concept has proven so popular. Right up top, it says:

“Which Year DAILY CHALLENGE”

In other words, whoever made this site took a page out of Wordle’s playbook.

While the core idea of Which Year — see picture, guess year — is fine but nothing groundbreaking, limiting how often you can play to once a day, and serving up the same puzzle to everyone in the world at the same time, immediately ups the desirability, coolness, and engagement factor of this puzzle game.

(That’s a page I’ve taken out of Wordle’s playbook myself, and applied to my Daily Email Habit service.)

Anyways, there’s clearly a marketing lesson in there, but rather than hit you over the head with that on this Easter Sunday, let’s play a game.

Today being April 20, I thought we could play a game called, Which Year, Email Edition.

Can you guess in which years the following curiosities happened?

Of course, you can get ChatGPT to answer for ya. Or you can simply wait 24 hours, when I will reveal the answers and give you a new round of puzzles. Here are your puzzles:

1. A killer swamp rabbit attacked a U.S. president (won’t say which one) while the man was trying to fish and relax

2. Nutella was first introduced in stores

3. The price of oil turned negative for the first time in history

Again, come up with your best guesses for which years these events happened, and I’ll share the answers tomorrow.

Oh, and if you want to play another daily challenge, one which isn’t just fun but can also make you money, then you can still sign up to get the next Daily Email Habit puzzle. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

Last call for Ronin bonus offer

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The past two weeks, I’ve been promoting a free trial of Travis Sago’s Royalty Ronin membership, and I’ve been giving people who took me up on that a bundle of bonuses I’ve created.

I’m ending this promotion tonight at 12 midnight PST.

I will promote Ronin again in the future because…

– I myself am a member or Ronin (paid in full for the next year)

– Considering all the stuff inside (Travis offers $12k worth of real-world bonuses) I think it’s a honestly a great deal, probably the best deal out there right in any direct marketing-adjacent space

– I believe Ronin can be immensely valuable for many people in my audience, whether coaches, copywriters, or course creators, if they were to join and implement just an idea or two that are shared inside

So why stop the promotion?

Well, expose human beings to anything constant — even incontestably good things like compliments, security, or free money — and people soon stop responding. Our strange neurology means we need constant contrast to see, hear, feel, think, and pay attention. Otherwise things become literally invisible.

And so I’m ending my current promotion of Travis’s Royalty Ronin. After tonight, the bonuses I’m offering just for giving it a free trial will disappear, only to be found behind the paywall.

If you have already signed up for a trial of Ronin, forward me your confirmation email from Travis, the one with “Vroom” in the subject line.

And if you have not yet taken Ronin for a week’s free spin, you can do so before tonight at 12 midnight PST and get the following 4 bonuses:

1. My Heart of Hearts training, about how to discover what people in your audience really want, so you can better know what to offer them + how to present it.

2. A short-term fix if your offer has low perceived value right now. Don’t discount. Sell for full price, by using the strategy I’ve described here.

3. Inspiration & Engagement. A recording of my presentation for Brian Kurtz’s $2k/year Titans XL mastermind.

4. A single tip on writing how-to emails in the age of ChatGPT. I’ve been thinking to develop this idea into a Most Valuable Postcard #3, because it’s valuable way beyond just how-to emails. For now, if you’re curious, you can read the core of it in this bonus.

If you’d like to give Ronin a week’s free try, and get four bonuses above, which have your name on them, as my way of saying thanks for taking me up on my recommendation, then here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/ronin

Competition contradiction

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A paradox? A contradiction?

As part of the research for my new book, I’ve been going through a book by Sam Taggart. Taggart is the founder of D2D Experts, an online education company for door-to-door salesmen.

Taggart has a long but distinguished career selling door-to-door, everything from knives to solar panels to security alarms. His door-to-door selling career started at age 11, and culminated around age 35, when he finished as the #1 salesman in a company of 3,000 reps.

Anyways, grok this, if you can:

On page 44 of his book, Taggart’s top recommendation for motivating yourself is to look at all the other salesmen around you, to start tracking their results, and to start thinking of them as competition you have to beat.

And then on page 64, Taggart says how the best salesmen only view themselves as real competition.

Huh?

It’s easy to dismiss this as just contradiction or fluff inherent in a lot of sales material.

But I don’t think so.

A while back, meaning 3 years ago, I wrote about 6 characteristics of people who manage to do the seemingly impossible.

These 6 characteristics came out of a study of pro athletes who came back from devastating injury to compete at the highest level again… as well as star Wall Street traders who managed to beat not only all other traders, but the randomness inherent in the market as well.

One of the common characteristics of such people was that they simultaneously had a short-term view of the task to be accomplished, as well as a long-term view.

In other words, these folks looked at their situation from both 3 feet away, and from 3,000 feet up in the air. They did so the same time, or at least switching constantly between the two.

And so I think it is with Taggart’s advice — and so it is in many other situations in life.

We all want the “one thing” to cling to.

But quite often, particularly in the most important things in life, you gotta hold two opposing thoughts in your head, and you gotta live by both of them.

Of course you don’t really gotta. You don’t gotta do anything. But if you are currently worried by competition, whether that’s other businesses who target same audience as you, or other solutions or trends that tend to wipe out what you’re doing, or simply people within your own company who try to outperform you, then it might make sense to:

1. Make a list of all these villains, to keep track of their activity, and to start viewing them as competition to be beaten

2. To ignore them and to focus on doing the best you can

Anyways, I’ll have Taggart’s advice — not this, but something less contradictory — in my new book, full title:

10 Commandments of Con Men, Pick Up Artists, Magicians, Door-to-Door Salesmen, Hypnotists, Copywriters, Professional Negotiators, Political Propagandists, Stand Up Comedians, and Oscar-Winning Screenwriters

My goal is to finish and publish this book by March 24. The way things are going, I might have to shave half my head, like Demosthenes, to keep myself from leaving the house until the book is finished.

In any case, I will be writing about this book and how it’s progressing, plus what I’m thinking about doing to make it a success when it comes out.

If you are interested in the topic of this book, and you’re thinking you might wanna get a copy when it comes out, click below. I’m planning some launch bonuses and I will be dripping them out early to people on this pre-launch list:

​​Click here to get on the bonus-dripping pre-launch list for my new 10 Commandments book​​

Zag when you’re zigging

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A reader writes in reply to a recent email to say:

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John, if you weren’t so angsty you would be hilarious. I’m quite certain you will get your next 10 Commandments book done in time to meet your self-imposed deadline (the best kind of deadline, btw) and I love seeing behind the curtain as you keyboard warrior your way there.

However, the title is insufferably long! IMHO

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I’ve had several people write in about the title of the new book, and to more or less suggest I might do better.

I can understand.

The conventional wisdom is that a nonfiction book title should be short, ideally one punchy word:

Blink

Behave

Nudge

Contagious

Sapiens

At 23 words and 206 characters, my title definitely doesn’t roll off the tongue in quite the same way:

10 Commandments of Con Men, Pick Up Artists, Magicians, Door-to-Door Salesmen, Hypnotists, Copywriters, Professional Negotiators, Political Propagandists, Stand Up Comedians, and Oscar-Winning Screenwriters

Will it work? The fact I have readers writing in to complain about it is encouraging, but I will have to see whether this translates into interest in the book from people who are not already in my audience.

If you’re wondering why I would choose a title like that in the first place, the answer is simply that I find it amusing. But also, there’s the powerful psychological principle of contrast. If everybody is tripping over themselves to come up with a punchy one-word title, then having a 23-word title makes it more likely my book will stand out.

I’m probably not telling you anything new by saying it pays to zag when everyone else is zigging, to contrast yourself to others in your market.

But there’s another kind of contrast you can do. It’s widespread across the influence disciplines I’m profiling in my new book. As opposed to contrasting yourself to others — what you might call external contrast — this second kind of contrast is an internal contrast — to zag when you YOU are zigging.

Maybe know exactly what I mean. Or maybe you can guess.

In any case, I am devoting an entire chapter, specifically Commandment IV to illustrating and laying out this powerful idea.

And on that note:

My angst-producing goal is to finish and publish this book by March 24.

Until then, I will be writing about this book and how it’s progressing, plus what I’m thinking about doing to make it a success when it comes out.

If you are interested in the topic of this book, and you’re thinking you might wanna get a copy when it comes out, click below. I’m planning some launch bonuses and I will be dripping them out early to people on this pre-launch list:

​​​​Click here to get on the bonus-dripping pre-launch list for my new 10 Commandments book​ ​​