Personal Change

How to win an argument by not really trying

by

About 20 years ago, when I first read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, I came across a clever aphorism.

“You cannot win an argument,” wrote Carnegie.

That’s stuck with me ever since, even though it goes against my argumentative nature. The fact is, I like to debate and argue and show people how I’m right and how they aren’t.

Except, like Carnegie says, you cannot really win. You cannot argue people over to your way of thinking. And even if you do get them to admit that you’re right and they’re wrong, you’ve gained nothing except their hatred.

So most of the time, when I find I’m about to let the debating crow out of its cage, I bite my tongue and I stuff the ugly black bird back where it belongs. I smile. I nod. And I think to myself, “Boy, how wrong you are. But you won’t hear it from me.”

This is an improvement over losing friends and alienating people. But it’s hardly a creative and productive way to deal with new ideas.

There’s gotta be something better, right?

Of course. It’s just that I wasn’t clever enough to think of it myself. But I came across this better way to win arguments in an interview with billionaire investor Howard Marks.

Marks was asked what early advice helped him become so successful. He said there wasn’t any investing advice that did it.

Instead, it was just an attitude, and he’s not sure where he picked it up. He illustrated it by describing how he deals with his longtime business partner:

“Each of us is open to the other’s ideas. When we have an intellectual discussion, neither of us puts a great emphasis on winning. We want to get to the right answer. We have enormous respect for each other, which I think is the key. When he says something, a position different from mine, my first reaction is not, ‘How can I diffuse that? How can I beat that? How can I prove he’s wrong?’ My first reaction is to say, ‘Hey, what can I get from that? What can I take away? Is he right? Maybe he’s right and I was wrong.'”

“Yeah, yeah,” I hear you saying. “Enough with the high-sounding billionaire lessons. Why don’t you get off your preachy pony and give me some ideas for how I could money? Like today?”

Well I never… the ingratitude!

Honestly, this intellectual humility thing was my idea for you to make money. But you are right. It might take some time to bear fruit.

If you want to make money today, then I don’t have much advice to give you. Well, none except what I wrote up a few years ago and put inside my Upwork book.

“Upwork!” you now say. “I’ve tried it! It doesn’t work. It’s a cesspool.”

You may be completely right. I certainly won’t argue with you.

But if you want to see what I have to say about success on Upwork, and what you might be able to take away from it and maybe even make money from, today, then here is my Upwork book, still available for some uncertain time on Amazon:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork

Out of office and Carlton’s self-programming trick

by

I finished up this morning’s Zoom call and then I tiptoed back to bed, snuck in, and started shivering under three layers of blankets.

There were two things I wanted to get done today. The Zoom call was one. And I managed to get it done, in spite of being sick with some unidentified illness.

I’m telling you this in case you’ve written me in the past few days and haven’t gotten a response. It’s because I’ve pared down what I’m doing to the absolute essentials.

I also wanted to share a little psychological hack I learned from John Carlton. Carlton writes:

Gary Halbert used to buy himself watches, or cameras, or even boats (preferably used wooden craft requiring thousands in maintenance, but that’s another story) whenever he finished a big gig. As a reward for a job well done.

I’ve always rewarded myself with free time (as in taking the phone off the hook for an entire week, or splitting to hang with friends).

It doesn’t matter what, precisely, the reward is (as long as it’s meaningful to you)… but the ACT of rewarding yourself fires up the motivation part of your unconscious brain.

You might think it’s silly to connect Carlton’s watches-and-sailboats advice to my situation today.

So be it.

But I don’t think I could have pulled myself together for the call had I scheduled more work for myself right after, and had I not promised myself that shivery, four-hour nap as a reward.

But anyways. Here’s an email-writing tip. Wrap up what you’ve been talking about by giving your reader a takeaway he can use today. So here it is, in Carlton’s words:

Fastest path to burnout is to finish a grueling gig, clear the desk, and then start the next grueling gig.

What the hell are you thinking, you’re Superman?

Decompress, go shop for a goodie, teach your brain to associate end-of-job with fun rewards.

Main key: The reward cannot be something you’d buy or do anyway. It has to be pure excessive nonsense (like Halbert’s 14th watch or 3rd boat) that delights your Inner Kid.

Last point:

If you’d like to read me repurposing and curating famous copywriters good ideas, consider signing up to my email newsletter.

100,000 bad emails

by

“I was a profound failure. Not really profound enough. I kind of slid in the middle of failure. Some of us were picturesque. I was just dull.”

Chuck Jones went to art college at age 15.

You might have heard of Chuck Jones before. He eventually became the Oscar-winning animator behind the best Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons… the creator of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote… and the director of How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

But back at art college, Jones found everyone else was taller and could draw infinitely better than him.

He was dejected. One thing that helped him was a teacher who stepped in front of the whole class and said:

“Every one of you has 100,000 bad drawings in you. The sooner you get rid of them, the better it will be for everybody.”

This includes everybody who signed up for my Influential Emails training. They’ve all been getting emails from me. I want to know why they signed up, and what they hope to get out of it. One guy replied:

For me, the challenge is finding ideas that seem unrelated, connecting them to create insights and then communicate them in an intriguing way without sounding fake.

In all honesty, its to remove the fear of I don’t know what to write with the confidence that I have a process for figuring out exactly what to do.

I’ll talk about the specifics of my process inside Infuential Emails. But honestly, the comment above brilliantly lays out the gist of my process, in just one sentence. That’s all you need to get started. That, along with the Chuck Jones quote above to get over any lingering fear.

But wait, there’s more!

This is part of a bigger thing I’ve found in life.

Many times, if I’m faced with a brick wall in my path and I can’t see any way through it, I’ll take out a piece of paper. And I’ll start writing down my currently available ideas.

“#1. Bang head against wall. #2 Beat fists against wall. #3 Lie down and die. #4….” When I free up my brain of bad ideas that take me nowhere, I sometimes find good ideas underneath.

Do you remember the rejection game? It was a trendy thing some 10 years ago.

Each day the goal was to get somebody to tell you no. As soon as you did that, you succeeded. The point was to keep the streak going for as long as you could.

I tried it back then. It was surprisingly fun and liberating.

Because when you seek out and reward yourself for reaching what you normally avoid, you don’t just achieve more. You reframe what success means.

Did you find this informative and motivational? Are you ready to get going writing something yourself? If so, good.

But did you think I’ve written more coherent and interesting emails in the past, and that this isn’t among one of my standouts?

Even better. I’ve just gotten rid of another one of those 100,000 bad emails, and freed up my brain for something new and possibly amazing the next time I sit down to write. And you can do the same, starting today.

3 copywriting riddles to ruin your productivity

by

Productivity expert (and Elon Musk lookalike) Tiago Forte recently shared three unique and counterintuitive tips:

1. No email gets answered for 48 hrs

2. No meeting gets scheduled before 1 week out

3. No project gets launched w/ < a month notice

This sounds like great advice to me. I’m all for letting emails and meetings wither in the sun and get whipped by the wind and the rain, to the point where they hopefully die on the vine.

But about that third tip with the projects… well, that’s great advice too. I just wish I had the self-awareness to follow it. But I don’t.

For example, last Friday morning, I had the idea for a new project. A training where I reveal my go-to tricks and tactics and secrets for writing these emails.

The next 18 or so hours of my life are a blur.

What I know is that on Friday afternoon, I wrote up an email to float that idea to my email list. I also included a bribe — a discount — to gauge interest. On Friday evening, I sent the email out.

Saturday morning arrived. It turns out there was interest. My inbox was creaking and straining under the load.

So I sat down, defined what the offer would be, bought a domain, renamed the offer to its current name, created the website and sales funnel, wrote an email to promote it all, and sent that out. Oh, I also wrote up a rudimentary sales page so people could actually know what they were buying.

Should I have taken Tiago’s advice and waited a month to launch this project? Probably. But it’s a moot point now. I’m in for the ride.

Over the week that’s passed since, I haven’t had time to do much to improve that sales page. That changed a bit this morning. I added 9 fascinations to the sales page about what I will reveal.

Perhaps you’d like a riddle? Here’s one of the fascinations I wrote. You can test out your riddle-solving skills and guess what I have in mind:

* How to build your authority at the expense of others in your industry. I call it the “bait & switch” email close. Readers love it, and it’s less shady than it might sound.

Maybe that’s too obvious given my recent emails. Ok. So here’s a second riddle:

* The hypnotic induction I use to get readers over dry or technical material. Goes all the way back to Dr. Milton Erickson. I find it very powerful, but but I’ve never met anybody in the copywriting space who knows about it.

Got that also? Clever hobbit you are. All right, here’s one last one for tonight:

* A cheap but effective way to use email to get on the radar of powerful and influential people in your industry. I used this to get a bunch of top Agora copywriters and marketers on my list. Also makes your emails easier and more fun to read.

Did I finally get you stumped? Or do you have guesses for all three riddles, but you want to make sure you were right?

Well, the only way to get certain answers to these riddles, plus about a dozen more, is to sign up for my Influential Emails training. The deadline to sign up is tonight, 12 midnight PST.

The Influential Emails signup page is below. It’s not beautiful, and it doesn’t represent weeks or months of copywriting effort. But if I’ve done a good job with my emails to date, and if you are a good fit for this training, I believe it will do. Here’s the link:

https://influentialemails.com

The 400-Hour Workweek: Embrace the men in gray, multiply what you do, and join me for Influential Emails

by

“Time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart. The men in gray knew this better than anyone. Nobody knew the value of an hour or a minute, or even of a single second, as well as they. They were experts on time just as leeches are experts on blood, and they acted accordingly.”

Michael Ende, the guy who wrote the 80s hit Neverending Story, also wrote a kids’ book called Momo. That’s where I got the quote above. It’s a story about a little girl, Momo, who stands up to the mysterious, cigar-smoking men in gray.

The men in gray show up in Momo’s town and open the Timesaving Bank. “Deposit your current time,” they promise, “and you’ll get it back with interest in the future.” All the townspeople jump at the offer and lose themselves in the process. Momo is the only one who resists.

I’ll get back to Momo in a second. But first let me tell you about something interesting I read today. It’s an article by Cal Newport, the guy who wrote Deep Work. Newport’s article is titled Revisiting “The 4-Hour Workweek.”

In the article, Newport says that we as a society missed the real message of Tim Ferriss’s 2007 book. Instead of learning to improve our productivity, reduce our working time, and live a happier life, we focused on Ferriss’s hacks. So we could get done more. So we could strive more. So we could be more busy.

But Newport is hopeful. Now, with work-from-home, and corona, and a different economic situation than in 2007, he thinks we have a real chance to rethink our relationship to work.

I have my doubts.

In Michael Ende’s book, the men in gray don’t just roll over and give up control of the Timesaving Bank. It takes Momo to take them on and defeat them.

Something similar will have to happen in our world. The men in gray will fight hard for the 40-, 60-, and 100-hour workweek. They won’t just sit on the edges of their seats, nervously sucking on their cigars, watching to see if we’d maybe like to run them out of town. It will take a fight, and a big one.

But it will be even harder in our world than it was in Momo’s.

Because here, the men in gray — whatever they represent — aren’t some external parasites. Rather, they are inside each of us, as much a part of being human as decency and common sense.

Maybe you find that thought repulsive. Or maybe you find me repulsive, and you wonder what I’m on about. So maybe this is where we part ways. In that case, I wish you good luck in your fight for the 4-hour workweek.

But if you’re still with me, let me tell you how you can get the equivalent of a 400-hour workweek, without working harder, longer, or even smarter.

The secret is to take advantage of the magical power of multiplying what you do, so that a bit of work can get you paid disproportionately.

Thanks to the Internet, it’s pretty easy to do these days.

It’s how I’ve been able to achieve the real promise of Tim Ferriss’s book. Escape the 9-5. Live anywhere. And join the New Rich.

I embraced the men in gray inside all of us, along with all the other weird, wonderful, and repulsive parts of being human. And for years, I’ve been using this to help clients with their “salesmanship multiplied.”

More recently, I’ve been helping myself also. Except I find that, rather than “salesmanship multiplied,” what works even better for me is “influence multiplied.”

If you’d like to find out exactly what I mean by this and how I do it… you can do so in my Influential Emails training. I will be putting it on soon.

But the deadline to sign up for it is even sooner. Only two days from now. Tik tok.

Time is life itself… and time to sign up is passing. If you know the value of an hour or a minute, and you want to multiply the value of yours, then this might be for you:

https://influentialemails.com

Fezzik-slapped into success and achievement

by

Andre the Giant sucked.

The other actors, all pros, were exchanging looks behind his back. This wasn’t going to work.

The time was 1986. The place was London. The movie was the Princess Bride, and this was the initial script reading.

Andre was supposed to play Fezzik. But he was terrible. Slow… and monotone… and rote. There was no way way this could work on film.

“Read faster.”

Mandy Patinkin, playing Inigo, kept telling Andre to go faster. Without effect.

“Read faster!”

Still no effect. Instructions just couldn’t penetrate Andre’s 90-lb skull.

“Faster Fezzik!” yelled Mandy at the top of his voice. But Andre still kept reading in his slow voice and then—

SLAP!

Mandy slapped the giant across the face. Hard.

Andre’s eyes went wide. There was a pause. And dead silence.

Andre, the 550-lb professional wrestler, who could manhandle seven grown men at once, was thinking. And something finally clicked. He started speaking faster and putting more energy into the role.

The rest as they say, is marketing. So let’s talk about marketing prospects who can’t or won’t follow instructions.

In my email a couple days ago, I offered people a bribe in exchange for writing me and doing two simple things.

Lots of people responded, doing just what I’d asked.

But a few of the people who responded wouldn’t follow my simple instructions.

I get it. I’m reactive like that too.

I start burning inside when anyone tells me what to do. And I start looking for ways to reassert my independence and sovereignty.

But I can tell you this:

The few things I’ve achieved in life all came from finding somebody else’s successful system. And then following it blindly.

Following it, even when I could see a better way. Even when I felt I could skip a step. Even when I was sure some part of it wouldn’t work for me.

Like I said, this is how I achieved the things I have achieved in life.

I probably would have achieved more, or much faster, had I been less stubborn… less reactive… or had I had an Inigo reach out to me and slap me across the face.

That’s not to say there is no place for creativity, uniqueness, or growth in the world.

For example, I started writing these emails following somebody else’s system. Over time, with enough practice, this warped and grew into something new and different. A new system of my own, which I’m calling Influential Emails.

I can tell you this:

Influential Emails will not work for anyone who is too smart, experienced, or reactive to follow instructions. Well, it might work after a slap, but that’s something I can’t do from where I’m sitting.

But say you are ready to follow instructions. Will Influential Emails help you achieve success?

​​Only you can discover that. But if you need some extra info to help you decide whether to give it a twy, then take a wook at the fowowing page:

https://influentialemails.com/

A-list Copywriting Commandment no. 8, in D-minor

by

“She was shocked because she was expecting us to play another concerto. So when I started the first bar of the D-minor concerto, she kind of jumped and panicked like an electric shock. And she couldn’t even consider moving ahead with playing.”

If you would like to see what real despair looks like, go on YouTube and search for “Maria Joao Pires wrong concerto.”

Pires is a concert pianist. She went on stage once, in front of a large live audience.

As soon as the orchestra started playing, Pires realized she had prepared the wrong piece. The orchestra was playing something other than what she had been rehearsing.

Result?

Panic. Sickness. Despair. I mean, imagine the situation.

You’re in front of a live audience.

The orchestra is mercilessly pushing on.

A few moments more, and it will be your turn to start playing as the star of the evening. Except you are completely unprepared and unable to perform.

And the time before everybody realizes it is three… two… one…

I’m not 100% sure why I decided to tell you this particular story. But in my mind, it tied into a question I got a few days ago from a reader named Randy:

How long did it take you to start writing daily emails like Ben Settle suggests and to always have something interesting to say?

(I’m asking you this since I’ve been trying my hand at writing daily emails. But even when I always come up with stories to tell, I find it difficult is to always have a lesson to add at the end)

My advice to Randy, and to you in case you want it, is to keep two lists.

One is where good ideas go.

Another is where fun/sickening stories go.

And rather than having a good story (“concert pianist realizes she prepared the wrong piece”), and then trying to pull out of your head a moral to that story…

… or rather than having a good idea to share (such as “keep two lists”) and then trying to pull out of your head a fun way to illustrate that idea…

… use your lists.

Because not everybody has a memory like Maria Joao Pires. In those 30 seconds from the icy and disgusting realization that she had prepared the entirely wrong piece… Pires managed to summon the right concerto from the depths of her mind. She played the whole thing flawlessly.

I am not that talented. And perhaps you aren’t either. No matter.

You can use paper — or a computer file — to outsource your memory. And your creativity too. Go down your lists, and come up with connections that you couldn’t make if’n you just relied on your raw brainpower.

“But two lists!” I hear you saying. “That’s twice the work of one list!”

True. And it goes back to something A-list copywriter Jim Rutz said:

“You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy. This takes time and toil.”

This simple idea has been super valuable to me. It’s one of the main standards I keep for these emails I send you each day. And also for copy that I write for clients.

In fact, I would like to say this one idea is the most important thing to what I do… but there’s no “one thing.” So I put this Jim Rutz idea as no. 8 in my 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

If by chance you haven’t seen this book yet… and you want to know what the other 9 commandments are… here’s where you can get the whole desperate and surprising lot:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

Interesting ideas, delivered unexpectedly

by

“My job is essentially to come up with 365 ideas a year. If you ever want to find out just how uninteresting you really are, get a job where the quality and frequency of your thoughts determine your livelihood. I’ve found that the only way I can keep writing every day, year after year, is to let my mind wander into new territories. To do that, I’ve had to cultivate a kind of mental playfulness.”

That’s from a speech that Bill Watterson gave in 1990 at Kenyon College. Waterson, as you might know, is the author of Calvin & Hobbes, one of the most successful comic strips of all time.

Waterson’s speech is funny. And interesting. And valuable if you do creative work, or even if you have an online brand or business.

It’s worth digging up online. But today I want to share something else with you.

Because I know that frigtening realization that Waterson talks about. Sometimes I sit down to write these emails and really… all the ideas that come to me are uninteresting. I get tense. “This is the best you’ve got? Would you read this crap? You wouldn’t, would you?”

And like Watterson, the only way I know to not to get bogged down in that space is to let my mind water into new territories.

I have a few routines that allow me to do that.

For example, I’m subscribed to a wonderful email newsletter. It arrives every few days, unexpectedly.

And with each email comes a thought-provoking article that I would never have read otherwise. It’s where I came across the Bill Watterson speech I referenced above.

So if you’d like to sign up to this newsleter… and let your mind wander into new territories on occasion… here’s the usefully ugly signup form for Thinking About Things:

https://www.thinking-about-things.com/subscribe

Husbands are like fires

by

Today I want to tell you how to keep people reading your stuff—

Even if they know better… even if they think they get no value from what you are saying… and even if they can’t explain to themselves why they keep tuning in to your self-serving, borderline obnoxious sales talk.

It’s a very simple trick.

But used subtly, without trying too hard, it’s very powerful.

In fact, it’s so powerful it can get people actually hooked on you. Let me illustrate what I mean, with this quote from sex bomb Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was married nine times, and who should know:

“Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.”

So the copywriting trick I have in mind is to surprise people. You can do it like Zsa Zsa with a bit of humor and misdirection. You can do it with an unusual phrase of turn. Or you might even be able to do it with a well-chosen fact. Such as the following:

Nothing kills surprise as quickly as going back to the same well, day after day.

So whatever you do to light up your reader’s brain and fill it with dopamine… don’t let your technique become predictable, and don’t let it become a crutch.

But let me take my own advice. Because this surprise stuff is another great idea I’ve learned from Ben Settle.

In the early days, Ben kept me reading his emails, in spite of my better instincts. He kept me reading, not just through shock in the subject line. Not just through challenging industry norms. But through tiny surprises he hid away and mixed into his copy.

But since this is #3 in my recent list of Ben Settle ideas that I want to remind myself and you of… I’m getting dangerously close to being predictable.

So I’ll wrap up this mini-series tomorrow. And I’ll tell you the most valuable and perhaps easiest-to-implement lesson from Ben Settle I’ve learned to date. If you want to read that when it comes out, sign up for my email newsletter here.

The parable of the idea sower

by

Today I’d like to tell you about one of the two main engines behind my ability to produce. This engine is very simple, but it’s very powerful. And I believe you can get great use out of it if you also choose to use it.

But hold on.

Will you really hear me if I tell you straight up?

Perhaps. But I want better odds than that. So let me first tell you the ancient parable of the sower.

The sower went a-sowing. He threw down some seeds. A few fell by the wayside. A few fell on shallow ground. A few fell among thorns.

All of these seeds were wasted.

But a few seeds fell on good soil. And the upshot was a good harvest. The sower had an ROI of 3,000%-6,000%. And he said, “You know what? I might do this again tomorrow.”

Maybe you recognize this parable. And maybe you even know one interpretation of it.

But today I want to give you another interpretation. It might be new to you.

Because ideas you come up with — possible solutions to a problem — are like these seeds. A few ideas fall by the wayside because they are just nonsense and irrelevant. A few ideas take root in shallow ground — they are too predictable and unimaginative. A few ideas end up choked with thorns, because they are impractical.

But a few ideas land right where they should. And the ROI is tremendous.

Yesterday, a member of my Copy Riddles program wrote in. He said he could only come up with two bullets where I had suggested writing three. I told him that the solution to his problem might be to write 6 bullets or 9, instead of aiming for 3.

Because if you can’t get an idea to land right where it should, it’s not because your aim is not good enough. It’s because you’re not throwing enough seeds out. Throw more seeds out, regularly, and you won’t have to worry about your aim.

That’s what I’ve been doing for a few years already. 10 ideas. Every day. About something — personal, business, or fanciful. And I do it while working too. 10 subject lines. 10 hooks. 10 ways to illustrate a point that you should generate more ideas, including wasted ones.

By the way, this is something else you might recognize. I originally got this “10 ideas” idea from James Altucher. He’s also the one who had the smart insight that if you can’t come up with 10 ideas, you should come up with 20. Because you’re obviously limiting yourself too much in your thinking.

James has a little challenge for you. He promises to turn you into an idea machine. He’s also got a lot of how-to advice that might help you in this quest. You can find all of that on the following page, which has been worth tens of thousands of dollars to me, and might be worth more to you — if you only do what it says, starting today.

But before you go — do you want more ideas like this? Then sign up to my email newsletter. And then off you go, to become an idea machine:

https://jamesaltucher.com/blog/the-ultimate-guide-for-becoming-an-idea-machine/