Direct Marketing

5 sources of entertaining inspiration

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Email marketing guru Ben Settle says the cornerstone (at least one of them) of his successful strategy is something called:

Infotainment.

(That could be either a combination of “informal” and “attainment,” or “information” and “entertainment.” Take your pick.)

The thing is, if you look around the great email marketing landscape, you will see that most businesses and marketers have a much easier time with the information part of this formula, than with the entertainment bit.

And no wonder.

Teaching stuff, or at least appearing to teach stuff, is easy. That’s why teachers don’t get the big bucks.

On the other hand, entertaining, while it might seem trivial, is actually hard. It takes thought and practice. And nobody gets any credit for “appearing to entertain.” You either do or you don’t. That’s why people who genuinely entertain, like Eddie Murphy and Rob Schneider, get the money and the chicks.

So what to do?

Well, if you are not naturally entertaining (and who is?) then you will have to study, practice, and try to improve.

The good news is, there are lots of examples of entertaining content out there. In fact, we’re swimming in it. For example…

Syndicated newspaper comics, such as Garfield or the Far Side.

Or shock radio and entertaining podcasts, like the Howard Stern Show or the Joe Rogan Experience.

Or actual comic books, and their monstrous movie imitations.

Or late night talk shows, with their recurring characters, skits, and familiar format but ever-new content.

Or even newspapers. Particularly tabloids, and their incredible headlines (“Headless Body in Topless Bar”).

So if you’re having trouble crafting infotaining emails, try studying some of these sources, and see what you can copy, model, and mimic.

Or just get in touch with me and hire me to write for you. Because, while I’m not Rob Schneider-level yet, I’m actively working on it.

Avoiding the Facebook ban hammer through Personal Power

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This summer, one of my clients ran into some trouble with a Facebook ads campaign.

The product they were advertising was a plastic ball, filled with ceramic beads, which you’re supposed to throw into the washing machine and use instead of detergent.

I was in charge of writing the advertorial, so I wrote a first-person confessional with the headline:

“How I wash blood stains out of my clothes WITHOUT laundry detergent”

Facebook didn’t have a problem with my blood-stained headline. They also didn’t have a problem with the questionable product (I still don’t understand how or if it works). But they did have an issue with little things like:

* The use of words like “magic,” “crazy,” and “trick”

* Specific claims such as “it saves me hundreds on laundry detergent”

* Before-and-after pictures of clothes washed with this breakthrough technology…​​

In short, Facebook didn’t like anything that gave this ad the unpleasant but familiar odor of an old-school infomercial.

But wait a minute.

Maybe that comparison is not really fair.

Because right now, I’m hand-copying a very old and very successful infomercial.

It’s for Tony Robbins’s Personal Power tapes.

This infomercial looks like a segment from 60 Minutes. It opens with Tony and Fran Tarkenton, a Hall of Fame NFL quarterback, boarding a helicopter, and then flying around Southern California.

Once they land, Tony and Fran go inside a fancy house, smile and nod at each other, and chat about the good results people are getting from Personal Power.

The rest of the infomercial is punctuated by lots of testimonials, most of which are saying, “This system works really well, and it’s helped me.”

When you get the chance to buy the tapes, there’s no massive price anchoring, and there’s no “But wait, there’s more!”

If all this is starting to bore you, that’s kind of the point.

Because this infomercial was pretty classy, really not sensationalistic, and would have fit in perfectly into a Facebook advertising campaign today.

(And like I said, this infomercial was immensely effective. It helped launch Guthy-Renker Corporation, which at that time was just an experiment between a couple of guys, and now has revenues of over $2 billion a year.)

The point of all this?

Maybe these Facebook compliance requirements don’t have to hamstring sales…

Maybe direct response copywriters have just gotten into too much of a Gary Halbert and John Carlton groove…

And maybe there are plenty of other effective ways to sell stuff without !!! and crazy/amazing/jaw-dropping before-and-after.

Or maybe not.

But if you get the Facebook ban hammer, it’s something to keep in mind, and maybe something to comfort yourself with.

Anyways, if you need help with writing Facebook-compliant advertorials that still make sales, you might get some ideas here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

“Nobody Died at Sandy Hook” and Facebook ads

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A few days ago, a jury in Wisconsin awarded $450k to one Leonard Pozner in a defamation suit.

The defendant in the suit was James Fetzer, the author of the book “Nobody Died at Sandy Hook.”

The gist of this book, according to what I’ve seen online, is that the Sandy Hook shooting never really happened. Instead, much like the moon landing, it was all faked.

​​(In this case, it was Obama and his lackeys, coming after your guns in a roundabout way.)

Pozner, the guy who got the $450k, is the father of a boy who was killed at Sandy Hook.

He sued Fetzer, the author, and won. But Pozner didn’t get these damages because of the insulting or hurtful claims in Fetzer’s book.

Instead, the jury awarded the damages because “Nobody Died at Sandy Hook” claims that Pozner fabricated his son’s death certificate.

In other words, in spite of all the outrageous content that Fetzer put in his book, it was really a technicality that brought him down.

(BTW, Fetzer is a retired university professor. It’s another bit of proof that intelligence has little to do with having an accurate or useful view of the world.)

Anyways, I bring this up because “Nobody Died at Sandy Hook” is just like a direct response promotion.

A direct response promotion can make all sorts of outrageous, ridiculous, or even offensive claims. And that’s quite ok, and even encouraged in some circles.

But you have to watch out for technicalities.

For example, I just got some feedback from one of my clients, about a campaign we ran on Facebook this summer.

The promotion in question was nowhere as inflammatory as “Nobody Died at Sandy Hook.”

Still, our campaign was a bit ridiculous, and it promoted a slightly suspect product.

“No problem with any of that,” says Facebook. “But we do have some issues with a few technicalities.”

I’ll give you some examples of the issues we had in my post tomorrow. It won’t be terribly shocking, but it might be instructive, particularly if you’re running ads on Facebook to cold traffic.

Chlamydia-ridden cuties

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I saw a video just now of a baby koala that somehow mounted a small dog, thinking the dog is its mother.

The dog keeps turning around in confusion, trying to get this thing off its back.

But the baby koala (aka joey) holds on for dear life and stays put, regardless of how much the dog spins and frets.

Such a cute video.

In fact, koalas as such adorable animals.

​​Or are they?

Because while reading the comments of the koala video, I came across an apparent koala expert, reddit user u/jonthecloser, who shared some shocking facts. Such as for example:

1. Koalas have one of the smallest brain-to-body ratios of all mammals, and they are immensely dumb as a result (they will literally starve to death even when surrounded by food)

2. When a koala joey transitions from eating milk to eucalyptus leaves, it has to first nuzzle its mother’s anus to retrieve the appropriate gut flora

3. In some areas, over 80% of koalas are infected with chlamydia, which makes them incontinent

4. Male koalas often engage in rape, that is, non-procreative sex with unwilling females

The koala expert wraps it up by saying, “Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.”

Whaddya know. You learn something new and dispiriting every day. And that brings me to my point:

If you are writing daily emails to your prospects or clients, you don’t need to have something monumental to say.

In fact, it’s better to say something slightly surprising or new about a familiar thing.

E​​ven if it’s not immediately related to what you’re selling.

Think koalas and email copywriting.

Speaking of which, if you need some help writing shocking, amusing, and sales-generating emails, then I have just the right cute offer for you. Go here to check it out:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The counterintuitive secret of effective positioning

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Today, I ate a handful of jujubes.

These are little fruits, kind of like dates. I grabbed some from a bowl and as I went to wash them, one jujube fell, hit my foot, and rolled off under the counter.

“No matter,” I said to myself, “I’ll get it in a second.”

A second later, I looked under the counter. The jujube wasn’t there.

I kept looking. Nothing.

I reached under the counter to see if it was there but I couldn’t see it. Nothing.

I changed positions to see if I could see it better from a different perspective. Nothing.

Maybe you know this maddening.

W​​hen you think you know where to look for something, but it’s not there.

Maybe it’s your keys, which should be at the bottom of a bag… except they’re not.

Or somebody’s name, which almost certainly starts with the letter “A”… except no “A” names sound right.

Or maybe it’s even a marketing situation.

Such as, for example, deciding on how to position a product, a brand, or even a person.

Many business owners think they know where to look for such positioning intel.

After all, it seems very intuitive that the positioning for their products must be hidden somewhere in the product itself.

Similarly, the positioning for their personal business must be lying somewhere inside their own person.

So they keep looking and looking…

And even though they are sure they are looking in the right place, they never find the positioning answer they’ve been searching for.

Why is that?

Simple. Because the positioning they are searching for won’t be found inside their product, or even inside themselves.

Instead, it’s found in a rather counter-intuitive place.

Maybe you know what I have in mind.

And if you want my help in searching in this counter-intuitive place, and helping you come up with a winning positioning strategy for your business, brand, or even person, then simply write me an email and we can talk.

One multimillionaire’s secret of uniquely profitable email lists

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Multimillionaire marketer and copywriter Justin Goff recently described his uniquely profitable email list.

His list has fewer than 1000 subscribers.

Even so, he’s managed to get hundreds of customers from it, all of whom have given at least $2k to Justin, and some of whom have given $10k and above.

One way he did this was by making people fill out a form to get on his email list, and (presumably) rejecting those who aren’t a good fit.

Should you do the same? Well, here are 7 reasons in favor of such an approach:

#1. It makes people more eager to get on your list

I’m on Justin’s list. Before I was on it, I was just so curious. What do his emails talk about to make them worth protecting in this way? It was probably one of the two main reasons that made me sign up (or rather, apply) in the first place.

#2. It makes people on your list pay attention more

One of the conditions for joining Justin’s list is to make a commitment to open his emails and read them. And commitment might just be the most powerful motivator of human behavior.

#3. It makes for better prospects

Like I mentioned above, fewer than 1000 subscribers… hundreds of thousands (or possibly millions) of dollars in earnings.

#4. Fewer trouble makers

I recently got a flood of new subscribers to my own email list from some unknown source. Inevitably, I got some spam complaints as well. You reduce the odds of that happening if you make people jump through hoops before subscribing.

#5. Your emails get delivered instead of flagged as spam

Just a consequence of #4 above.

#6. Your emails get delivered instead of flagged as promotion

The more that people open, read, and engage your emails, the more likely it is that your future emails to all your future subscribers will also land in prominent places rather than in the promotions tab.

#7. It’s cheaper

Many businesses I’ve worked with have email lists in the hundreds of thousands… and some in the millions. It’s not free sending all those emails, even if you’re doing it from your own servers. And if you don’t have your own servers, then a constant drain to pay for email sending you will never get anything out of.

And there you go. 7 reasons. There might be others I’m not thinking of.

So am I saying to stop growing your email list?

No.

​​It’s just that in this situation (as in so many things), there are two objectives you need to simultaneously optimize or meet.

One is the number of new subscribers…

The other is the quality of those subscribers.

It’s possible to create a business doing just one or the other.

But as an increasing number of marketers (even those like Justin, who cut his chops on converting cold traffic) are finding out, it doesn’t pay as well per unit of work invested.

Beware the trap of the digital bazaar

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I’m in Istanbul, Turkey this week. And though it’s my third time in this city, there are some things I didn’t notice before.

Such as how similar businesses here seem to live in packs.

Maybe it all started at the Grand Bazaar. The spice sellers stick to themselves. The leather shops do too. But the same thing happens throughout the city as well.

So for example, there is a large metal bridge right in the center of Istanbul

On the top level of this bridge is where the cars go.

One level down, there are a bunch of restaurants selling fish, mostly fried, mostly just stuck in a hunk of bread.

There are about a dozen of these fish restaurants in a row, and they are all identical.

Including the fact that in front of each restaurant, there is a tired-looking man with sunken, hungry eyes who is in charge of roping in passersby to sit down at his restaurant specifically.

“Come inside. We have fish. We have the best fish.”

Now these guys are obviously making a living out of it, because these restaurants have been here for decades or even longer.

But it looks like bloody work.

And it seems like it would be much better and more lucrative for them to differentiate themselves in some way, whether by picking a different location, or by offering a different menu, or even by telling a different story than the guy next door.

And that’s true for any other kind of business as well.

You might think that your core offer is no different than that of a dozen other businesses.

And you can decide to live with that… To compete simply by working harder… And to accept that eventually, some customer will sit down inside your den instead of the identical one next door.

By why not make your job a little easier by differentiating yourself from all the other people inside the digital bazaar?

One easy way to do that is simply through your personality, and through the relationship you have with your clients, customers, or restaurant patrons. All you have to do is to reach out to them regularly, with a unique point of view, and that relationship will start to develop, and eventually, it will bear fruit as well.

Just something to keep in mind. And of course, if you want some help with that, then this can get you started:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Big Bottom Sunday

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“I saw her on Sunday, ’twas my lucky bun day, you know what I mean.”
— Spinal Tap, Big Bottom

I used to struggle writing daily emails until I made a small change.

It took me all of 5 minutes to set up, but it’s saved me hours and hours of frustration…

It’s made writing daily emails easier and more fun…

And it has created better results, by forcing me to ferret open some creative drawers I didn’t know I had.

So what was the change?

Simple. I made a “calendar.”

At the start of each month, I set up a planned-out structure for the type of email I will write each day.

It turns out creativity is easier with boundaries.

And it’s a lot easier with a lot of boundaries.

So for example, yesterday was a “On today’s date…” email. Instead of sitting and staring at an empty screen while waiting for inspiration, I went online, did 2 minutes of research, and found out it was the 50th anniversary of the first episode of Monty Python. The email wrote itself after that.

Same thing today. Today’s email structure is… well, I bet you can figure it out. Though I did have to tweak it to make it fit.

Anyways, if you’re struggling with topics for daily emails, then maybe a “calendar” of restrictions could help you, too. And if you want more advice to help you stimulate copywriting creativity, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Monty Python’s Emailing Circus

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On October 5, 1969, exactly 50 years ago, stuffy middle-class families across the UK saw a strange sight on TV:

A man, choking and gurgling in the sea, was struggling to swim to shore. Once he made it to the beach, he stumbled a few steps, fell on his face, and said,

“It’s?”

The shot immediately cut away to the now-famous cartoon intro:

MONTY PYTHON’S FLYING CIRCUS

That was the first scene of the very first episode of Monty Python, which ran from 1969 to 1974.

The immensely influential show contained lots of random comedic ideas, splotched together. First minute of the first episode: Mozart announcing a Top 10 countdown of famous deaths, which are voted on by a jury.

Each of the disjointed sketches was mildly funny.

Over time, they got better.

Still, for me at least, Monty Python was never hilarious.

But it was a potent training grounds.

One of my favorite comedies of all time is A Fish Called Wanda, written by and starring John Cleese and Michael Palin, two of the big stars to emerge from Monty Python.

This film is funny from beginning to end, with every joke a perfect 10. ​​I don’t think this would have been possible had it not been for the extensive practice on the Monty Python show.

And the same thing happens when you write daily emails to your prospects or customers.

Each email is low commitment.

It needs to be done quickly.

You can test out ideas and see what people respond to.

It’s a training ground and a sandbox, with lots of collateral benefits.

One being that, when it’s time to produce a more involved, serious promotion, such as a sales letter or a new offer you want to create…

All that email practice allows you to hit a home run.

So if you haven’t started yet, consider launching your own Monty Python’s Emailing Circus. However, if the thought intimidates you, or you want some help getting started, then you can find some ideas here:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Ben Settle’s monkey business

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I saw a photo today and the caption read “Anti-Poachers Protecting Gorillas.”

The photo showed a black dude taking a selfie.

Behind him was a guy dressed in a very convincing gorilla outfit, but standing in a very ungorilla-like pose.

Specifically, he was standing completely erect, with his arms straight by his sides, a big beer belly jutting out.

“How is this gonna work?” I wondered. “Will this guy pretend to be a gorilla so the poachers come and try to shoot him? And then what?”

I got curious so I researched this story in more depth.

SHOCKER!

Turns out I was completely wrong.

That’s not a man in a convincing gorilla suit.

Instead, it’s a real gorilla standing in a very human-like pose.

It seems these anti-poachers in the Congo raised a couple of orphaned gorillas. And now that the gorillas are grown up, they completely imitate (ape?) their human parents.

So they stand up straight, walk around on two feet, and even pose for selfies.

Which got me thinking about the instinct for mimicking those around us, whether human or ape.

It’s such a fundamental part of the thought machine we know as the brain.

Resistance is futile.

And if you need proof, take for example email marketing guru Ben Settle.

Over the course of the past year, Ben has on several occasions warned his readers to disregard social proof when making a buying decision online.

Noble advice. Except…

Even though Ben is like the good friar going about the shire and sermonizing about the dangers of alcohol, he’s also back at the monastery brewing up some delicious ale that he sells at the Sunday market.

Specifically, at the end of July, Ben ran an aggressive campaign to promote his Email Players newsletter (I know because I was tracking and categorizing every email he sent out that month).

And so from Thursday the 25th to Monday the 29th, he sent out 10 emails. Each day followed the same pattern.

Morning: an interesting or intriguing email leading into a link to the Email Players sales page…

Afternoon: an email that was basically just a testimonial for Email Players. 5 testimonials over 5 days. Because they are too powerful not to use.

So in case you want to promote an offer aggressively over the span of a few days, maybe try mimicking this little sequence of Ben’s. I imagine he’s using it because he’s tested it and it works.

And if you don’t need emails, but you do need some advertorials, then fear not. The anti-poaching brigade is preparing a special report on the topic, which you can sign up for here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/