Direct Marketing

Monty Python’s Emailing Circus

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On October 5, 1969, exactly 50 years ago, stuffy middle-class families across the UK saw a strange sight on TV:

A man, choking and gurgling in the sea, was struggling to swim to shore. Once he made it to the beach, he stumbled a few steps, fell on his face, and said,

“It’s?”

The shot immediately cut away to the now-famous cartoon intro:

MONTY PYTHON’S FLYING CIRCUS

That was the first scene of the very first episode of Monty Python, which ran from 1969 to 1974.

The immensely influential show contained lots of random comedic ideas, splotched together. First minute of the first episode: Mozart announcing a Top 10 countdown of famous deaths, which are voted on by a jury.

Each of the disjointed sketches was mildly funny.

Over time, they got better.

Still, for me at least, Monty Python was never hilarious.

But it was a potent training grounds.

One of my favorite comedies of all time is A Fish Called Wanda, written by and starring John Cleese and Michael Palin, two of the big stars to emerge from Monty Python.

This film is funny from beginning to end, with every joke a perfect 10. ​​I don’t think this would have been possible had it not been for the extensive practice on the Monty Python show.

And the same thing happens when you write daily emails to your prospects or customers.

Each email is low commitment.

It needs to be done quickly.

You can test out ideas and see what people respond to.

It’s a training ground and a sandbox, with lots of collateral benefits.

One being that, when it’s time to produce a more involved, serious promotion, such as a sales letter or a new offer you want to create…

All that email practice allows you to hit a home run.

So if you haven’t started yet, consider launching your own Monty Python’s Emailing Circus. However, if the thought intimidates you, or you want some help getting started, then you can find some ideas here:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Ben Settle’s monkey business

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I saw a photo today and the caption read “Anti-Poachers Protecting Gorillas.”

The photo showed a black dude taking a selfie.

Behind him was a guy dressed in a very convincing gorilla outfit, but standing in a very ungorilla-like pose.

Specifically, he was standing completely erect, with his arms straight by his sides, a big beer belly jutting out.

“How is this gonna work?” I wondered. “Will this guy pretend to be a gorilla so the poachers come and try to shoot him? And then what?”

I got curious so I researched this story in more depth.

SHOCKER!

Turns out I was completely wrong.

That’s not a man in a convincing gorilla suit.

Instead, it’s a real gorilla standing in a very human-like pose.

It seems these anti-poachers in the Congo raised a couple of orphaned gorillas. And now that the gorillas are grown up, they completely imitate (ape?) their human parents.

So they stand up straight, walk around on two feet, and even pose for selfies.

Which got me thinking about the instinct for mimicking those around us, whether human or ape.

It’s such a fundamental part of the thought machine we know as the brain.

Resistance is futile.

And if you need proof, take for example email marketing guru Ben Settle.

Over the course of the past year, Ben has on several occasions warned his readers to disregard social proof when making a buying decision online.

Noble advice. Except…

Even though Ben is like the good friar going about the shire and sermonizing about the dangers of alcohol, he’s also back at the monastery brewing up some delicious ale that he sells at the Sunday market.

Specifically, at the end of July, Ben ran an aggressive campaign to promote his Email Players newsletter (I know because I was tracking and categorizing every email he sent out that month).

And so from Thursday the 25th to Monday the 29th, he sent out 10 emails. Each day followed the same pattern.

Morning: an interesting or intriguing email leading into a link to the Email Players sales page…

Afternoon: an email that was basically just a testimonial for Email Players. 5 testimonials over 5 days. Because they are too powerful not to use.

So in case you want to promote an offer aggressively over the span of a few days, maybe try mimicking this little sequence of Ben’s. I imagine he’s using it because he’s tested it and it works.

And if you don’t need emails, but you do need some advertorials, then fear not. The anti-poaching brigade is preparing a special report on the topic, which you can sign up for here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Kit Kat-flavored blog posts

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News from Japan:

Nestle will soon introduce creative new packaging for Kit Kat bars sold in the Land of the Falling Birth Rate.

Starting later this month, Japanese Kit Kats will come wrapped in origami paper, and will contain instructions for how to make your own paper cranes, planes, or Hello Kitties.

Nestle says this move is a step towards reducing the company’s plastic consumption.

Maybe.

But it probably serves at least some other devious function or two.

Especially when you consider the history of Nestle in Japan.

For example, back in the 1970s, Nestle was having trouble introducing coffee into this nation of tea drinkers.

So they consulted Clotaire Rapaille, at that time a psychoanalyst dealing with autistic kids, and now one of the foremost brand and marketing consultants in the world.

The trouble, Rapaille told Nestle, is that the Japanese don’t have any emotional imprinting when it comes to coffee.

The cigar-smoking executives at Nestle listened carefully.

And they soon came out with coffee-flavored candy that they started feeding to hapless Japanese kids.

The kids of course loved the candy. They formed positive associations with the flavor of coffee.

In another 10-15 years, those kids grew up, and coffee drinking in Japan became a thing. (Of course, Nestle was there, ready to cash in.)

This illustrates a fundamental rule of how the human brain works:

If you’ve got something new, the best way to get it into the brain is by tying it in with something that’s already there.

That’s how you get classics of positioning such as:

“Avis is only No. 2 in rent a cars. So we try harder.”

“7 Up: The Uncola”

But as Nestle shows, you don’t have to position yourself in relation to your competitors.

You can also tie in your product to other concepts or experiences in the mind, even if these seem to have little direct connection to the product you’re selling.

And this isn’t just relevant for big brand advertising. Like I said, it’s a fundamental rule of how the human brain works, and it applies just as well to positioning a direct marketing offer, and even to writing direct response copy.

Once you start looking out for it, you’ll see it everywhere. Maybe even in this blog post.

And you can use this same fundamental rule of psychology in advertorials, too. Too see how, grab a Kit Kat and consult the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to get rich selling socks to foot fetishists

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I just read that Will Singleterry is selling Reformed Roasters.

Never heard of either Will or Reformed Roasters? Here’s the pitch from the Reformed Roasters site:

“Ultra-Premium Coffee, Masterfully Roasted to the Glory of the One Most High”

From what I can tell, Reformed Roasters is Will’s ecommerce store selling coffee to Reformed Christians, which is some particular sect or segment of the larger faith. The company features blends like “Limited Atonement” and “Total Depravity.”

Altogether, it sounds like an unlikely business. But Will was apparently able to bring Reformed Roasters to $40k/month, within 2 months of starting.

And to that, all I can is HOSANNAH.

It shows just how crazy powerful it is to simply pick a dedicated group of people, create a relationship with them (Will would send them daily emails about religious doctrine, and sign off by saying “and if you want some caffeinated glory…”), and then sell them a consumable product.

In a way, this is the same thing that Alex Jones did with conspiracy theorists and supplements. And I’m sure many other small niche businesses are out there, under my radar, but raking in cash hand over hoof by doing the same thing.

So why can’t you do some version of this? Maybe you could try selling…

Socks to foot fetishists (“Andalusian Spree Muffs”)…

Toothpaste to Deadheads (“Dire Wolf Dentifrice”)…

Or hair gel to Twilight fans (“Solid Fanpire”).

It doesn’t really seem to matter what you sell. As long as you first take some kind of strong stand, or pick the right rabid subculture. Because as Jason Leister recently wrote:

“Why is it so effective to ‘stand for something?’ It’s effective because it helps your listeners/readers/subscribers make an easier decision about whether or not you belong in their life.”

Unfortunately, I don’t stand for anything yet. But I’m working on it.

​​In the meantime, if you’d like some copywriting glory, specifically in the advertorial format, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The Facebook shell game

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A few days ago, I got to listen in on an internal monthly call of a very successful direct response company.

They are making a big shift in how they run their business.

So far, they’ve gotten most of their traffic from Facebook.

But Facebook has been closing down their ad accounts.

It’s like a shell game. Every time this company figures they know what Facebook wants, they lift up the shell to find:

A big empty nothing.

Another closed ad account.

This echoes what I heard from another client.

They’ve also been getting ads shut down and ad accounts closed. Unlike the first company, they aren’t moving away from Facebook yet, though they are frantically trying to find new ways of advertising that Facebook will be okay with.

At this point, you might expect me to lay down some rap about how you don’t wanna build your business on somebody else’s platform.

Or how you don’t wanna rely on a big corporation more than you have to.

Or how you want to have a stable business built on long-term customer relationships rather than on constant acquisition of new clients.

But no, that’s not my point at all.

Quite the opposite.

I wanna praise Facebook.

I think now is a golden moment for marketers to invest heavy into Facebook.

Except, instead of thinking, “How can I get my penis enlargement offer to conform to Facebook’s ad standards…”

You should take a step back. And create an offer, and even a brand, that has one simple goal:

To comply with Facebook’s flighty tastes in advertisers.

If you can do this, there’s no better source of traffic right now.

Both of the clients I mentioned at the start feel this way.

And while they bravely embrace the challenge of adapting to their disappointments with Facebook, and though their businesses might be better off in the long run if they cut their dependence on Facebook, I think they would trade it all in a heartbeat for a few more months of being in Facebook’s good graces.

Anyways, something to think about.

Don’t go searching for an offer…

Or even for a starving crowd…

Instead, search for a funnel that Facebook will be happy with. And watch your business explode.

What copywriters and marketers should know about the new anti-aging breakthrough

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Here are a few quick facts:

Dr. Steve Horvath is a professor at UCLA.

He’s a researcher in the field of anti-aging.

A while back, he developed something called the “epigenetic clock”.

This clock is a highly accurate measure of how old your body really is vs. what your driver’s license says.

And now, according to a paper published just yesterday, Dr. Horvath has found a way to reverse the epigenetic clock.

In effect, he has reversed aging. Significantly. In humans.

Over the course of a year, Dr. Horvath gave a cocktail of three common drugs to a small group of people. And instead of having their epigenetic clock move forward by 1 year, these folks actually got younger by 2.5 years.

Pretty impressive. ​​

Now, it’s possible this will turn out to be a cute but irrelevant result that can’t be reproduced or built on.

But my own hunch is that this is a major breakthrough.

Partly, that’s because I’ve been hearing high praise of Steve Horvath for a long time, from reputable people in the anti-aging space.

Partly, it’s because aging clearly hasn’t been solved yet, in spite of all the talk of telomeres and inflammation and mitochondria.

But why bring this up in an email about copywriting and marketing?

Well, if my hunch is right, then get ready.

Because you will soon see lots of direct marketing offers (over the coming 2-3 years, I’d guess) that take advantage of this new research.

In other words, expect lots of offers and promotions — supplements, newsletters, webinars, courses — that talk about reversing the epigenetic clock.

Maybe you will even be the one to write the big new control based on this idea.

Why not?

Now that you know about it, it’s yours to use.

Or at least, it’s yours to keep in mind, as new research on this topic continues to surface.

But maybe you’re not writing big long-form sales letters. Maybe you’re writing advertorials and presell pages. In that case, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Vegan sheila sues BBQ neighbors, marketing truth emerges

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The Internet is tittering today because of some bizarre news from Down Undah:

Nearly 9,000 fun-loving Aussies are planning a massive BBQ in front of the house of some sheila who complained about the barbecued meat smells wafting over from her neighbors’ yard.

The woman in question is a vegan. She described her experience inhaling barbecued fish aroma as “devastating” and “turmoil.”

And though the neighbors tried to appease her in various ways, the vegan sheila would not be appeased.

Instead, she took her neighbors to court. Not once, not twice, but thrice.

She even submitted a 600-page appeal when her case was dismissed.

So now, in retribution, she’s getting the mass BBQ on her front lawn.

Along with the derision of an international brigade of Internet strangers, all of whom are calling her crazy and entitled.

Well, I don’t agree.

I don’t think this woman is crazy.

Or entitled.

I think she’s just very good at buying the lies she’s been told:

“It’s immoral to eat meat.”

​”Own your own home — it will be your castle!”

​”Victim of injustice? Don’t worry. The court system is here to help you.”

We’re all a little like that vegan sheila. We just fall for different sales pitches.

But given her level of ferociousness, this woman does seem to be a particularly good potential customer.

So I wish I had something good to sell her, which would help her in her current misery.

Ideally, that would be a fire-breathing vegan political candidate, one who vows to set to rights all the wrongs this anti-BBQ victim has experienced.

Unfortunately, I’m not doing any political consulting yet.

But the same insights, about disappointed hopes and the unending search for a better life, can be used in more traditional marketing as well. If you wanna see how, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

What I’ve learned from weeks of heavy promiscuity

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Over the past several weeks, I’ve been highly promiscuous.

Not sexually, thank God.

But with my email address. I’ve been giving it out left and right, up and down, to people who want it and to those who don’t.

Predictably, my inbox is blowing up. And it’s been a mildly enlightening experience.

Because whenever I check now, I have between 5 and 10 new emails, all of which fall into one of two predictable categories. In fact, it’s just how I imagine it is to be a hot girl on Tinder. Desperate or creepy guys are constantly writing you, and they have one of two things to say:

1) “Yo I’ll cook you some romantic shrimp pasta and then we can play jenga and then have the freakiest sex you ever had in a room with a great view.”

That’s in the early stages of the courtship.

When (if?) this heavy-handed benefits play doesn’t work out, it’s time for stage 2:

2) “Yo why you don’t respond to my messages? I thought you said you like shrimp pasta. I’m still free this Friday. I can come pick you up.”

Like I said, this is basically what ALL of the emails I’ve been getting look like.

They either scream heavy-handed benefits (Real subject line: “8 second trick to get the benefits of 4 hours of meditation TONIGHT”)…

Or they are pitching a sale, and are bummed when you don’t respond (Real subject line: “It’s not too late…”).

It’s like all these desperate or creepy email marketers don’t realize I’m a hot girl with lots of options (metaphorically speaking).

Here’s a better approach.

It’s something I read from Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief yesterday. Says Kevin (I’m paraphrasing), let’s face the fact that email marketers and their readers are in an open relationship.

You probably get emails from lots of different people besides me.

I’m not judging, though.

Because to be honest with you, I’ve just sent this exact same email (all right, now it’s a blog post) to several other people besides yourself.

No neediness. No drama. No recrimination.

Open relationship. Keep this in mind and you’re likely to write much better and more effective emails.

Anyways, before I sign off, let me get back to Kevin Rogers.

I don’t have any particular relationship with the guy.

But I thought you might like to know he’s putting on an event called Copy Chief Live.

Basically, it’s a conference that brings together copywriters and big direct response clients (Agora Financial, etc.) who want to hire copywriters.

So if you wanna feel like the hot girl on Tinder, but in real life, then this event might be worth a look. I’d love to go myself, but unfortunately it’s the only time I can’t make it.

In case you want more info before the price goes up later this week, here’s the link:

https://copychief.live

The Claude Hopkins secret hidden inside Boogie Nights

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There’s a memorable scene in the 1997 flick Boogie Nights:

It’s New Year’s Eve, 1980.

Party at the house of Jack Horner, the porn director played by Burt Reynolds.

The assistant director, played by William H. Macy (the main guy in Fargo), is wandering through the crowd inside Horner’s house, looking for his wife.

Nobody has seen her.

Eventually William H. makes his way to the bedroom.

And he finds his wife there, banging some other guy.

​​Yet again.

So William H. walks out of the house and to his car…

He pulls out his gun from the glove compartment…

Locks the car…

Walks back inside the house…

To the bedroom…

Where, in cold blood, he shoots and kills the wife and her hump partner…

Before walking out of the bedroom and blowing his brains out in front of all the partygoers.

I bring up this scene because it brings up the power of possessiveness. Not just about cuckolded husbands who are pushed past the breaking point. It also works in marketing. As Claude Hopkins, the father of direct marketing, wrote a hundred years ago:

“When a man knows something belongs to him, even if it’s a trifle, he will make the effort to get it.”

For example, when Hopkins and the OG marketers like Robert Collier had a boring offer, like a history book or an inquiry form for an insurance policy…

They often wouldn’t focus the sale on that boring offer.

Instead, they would just notify the prospect they had something that belonged to him.

Like a pen with his name etched into it… Or an edition of the boring history book with the prospect’s name engraved on the spine.

This kind of marketing tactic isn’t so common in the digital marketing world. Or at least it’s not being done well.

That might be an opportunity for you. As the Boogie Nights scene shows, possessiveness is a deep human instinct, and it certainly didn’t disappear 100 years ago with Hopkins and Collier.

So if you are selling something online, it might be worth thinking a bit about modern day equivalents of the name-engraved book. Or the wife banging another guy.

For now, if you want some more help with marketing, whether for selling your products or merely returning other people’s property, then take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Be more like James Blunt

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I was just driving and I heard on the radio that Ed Sheeran is retiring.

He is planning to get married and raise a family, and that’s why he’s stepping away from the music business.

Right now, millions of men around the world are holding their breath and waiting to exhale a big sigh of relief if this news turns out to be true.

Because the only English singer-songwriter worse than Ed Sheeran is James Blunt. But at least James has his incredible social media presence to make up for his sickly sweet songs.

(What, you haven’t seen James Blunt on Twitter? Go and check. It’s worth 15 minutes of your time.)

I was talking to a friend today about this. And he commented that James Blunt has cracked the code on sentimental bubblegum (there should be a name for this genre of music).

So now, James puts out a new song or new album every few years…

He rakes in a few more million dollars…

Which he uses to entertain gaggles of beautiful women at hip London nightspots…

All the while trolling people who mock his awful music on Twitter.

I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a pretty good business.

Just swap out “sentimental bubblegum music” and replace it with “helpful information product,” and you’ve got the ideal lifestyle of the successful digital marketer.

So that’s why I want to be more like James Blunt.

And that’s why I suggest that maybe you too consider emulating this great man.

All right, before I go to bed, I have my usual pitch to make:

In case you need some sentimental bubblegum copywriting, specifically advertorials to promote and maybe even sell your helpful products, then you might find the following offer beautiful:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/