“Awful Awful Waste of Money”

Some time ago, I got tempted into buying Dan Kennedy’s book, “The Phenomenon: Achieve More In the Next 12 Months than the previous 12 Years.”

Does that make me possibly the stupidest person on the planet?

Probably. After all, check out one review on Amazon, which I read before I decided to get the book:

Awful Awful Waste of Money

I seriously think this is the biggest waste of money and quite possibly the biggest waste of time I have ever spent. This is nothing but a pitch for Dan Kennedy and everyone of his student’s products. There isn’t a single how to trigger the Phenomenon. This is an even worse type of push that Tony Robbins does where he at least gives a little info before trying to sell you on spending 10K for a seminar. Do not pay for this.

And yet… I did pay and I got myself a used copy. For one thing, because I love DK’s stuff. For another, because the promise just sounded so appealing I couldn’t resist.

Result:

There is nothing new in The Phenomenon. In fact, the book is mostly not written by Dan, but by a bunch of his coaching students hyping themselves up. And like the review above says, there’s no how to.

Well, there is a checklist of “rules” right at the start. I jumped on it yesterday, my greedy opportunity seeker eyes shining in the dark. Rule #1 said:

“There will always be an offer or offer(s).”

My head sank to my chest. “That’s the one thing I didn’t want to hear,” I said to Dan, who couldn’t hear me.

This rule is certainly something I have known for years. It’s one of the pillars of Ben Settle’s email system, which Ben inherited from Matt Furey and ultimately Dan himself.

Whenever I’ve worked with clients on their email marketing, I’ve always insisted we put an offer at the end of each email.

For one thing, you’re never going to make money without an offer.

For another, engaged readers actually like buying, or at least having the choice to buy.

And yet, I don’t consistently have an offer in my own emails.

Sure, I promote trainings like my Copy Riddles on occasion, and I will do so again in the future. (The next run of Copy Riddles will be in June.)

But I have no default offer I can always go to, even when I’m not in the middle of doing a launch of relaunch of a product.

So it turns out Dan’s Phenomenon book is hardly a waste of money or of time, even though it’s mostly slapped-together self-promotion.

And yet,​​​ I remain possibly the stupidest person on the planet.

After all, if I had a client like myself, I would have either forced him to include some kind of offer each day in his emails, or I would have fired him long ago.

So take it from Dan to me to you:

If you are doing email marketing, or really any kind of marketing, make people an offer. With each of your messages. It might turn you into a phenomenon.

But what about me?

Still no offer.

I have to have something. So I decided to offer…

C​onsulting.

Now, I fully expect absolutely nobody to take me up on this offer, at least today.

That’s because I’ve gotten pretty good at coming up with offers over the past couple of years, working both with clients and on my own projects.

And “consulting” is an awful offer. It’s vague — what exactly does it mean? There’s no sexy name. And who would possibly want it?

Like Agora founder Bill Bonner said, nobody wakes up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, wet pajamas stuck to his back, face to face with the awful truth — “We’re out of newsletters.”

Well, likewise, nobody wakes up at 3am thinking, “I gotta have some more consulting.”

I’ll fix some of those problems in the coming days and emails.

I’ll sharpen up the offer. I’ll tell you what exactly I can consult you about, and why it would make good sense for you to pay me to do so.

I’ll tell you some case studies of clients who have hired me for consulting, and what they got out of it (and what they didn’t).

Maybe will even come up with a sexier name than “consulting.”

But all that in future emails.

For now, if you do want my guidance or advice on marketing and copywriting problems, and you want it before others get to me, then fill out the form at the link below, and you will hear from me soon:

https://bejakovic.com/consulting

The Pope and Anthony Fauci are using this “Millionaire’s Secret” to create products that look, feel, and sell like blockbusters

A few weeks ago, I was listening to an interview that James Altucher did with Peter Diamandis and Tony Robbins. And right as I was about to fall asleep, Tony said:

“Peter was going to go to the Vatican… where, believe it or not, every two years they have this regenerative medicine conference that the Pope actually hosts.”

“Woof,” I said, suddenly wide awake. And I lifted my nose up in the air, like an Irish setter that scents some game in the bushes.

It turns out there really is such an event. It’s called the International Vatican Conference.

The last one, which happened last May, was attended by the Pope himself, along with Anthony Fauci, the CEOs of Moderna and Pfizer, Ray Dalio, Chelsea Clinton, Cindy Crawford, David Sinclair, Deepak Chopra, and of course, aging rock star Steven Perry, the lead guitarist of Aerosmith.

Unfortunately, this latest International Vatican Conference was virtual and not held in real life​. Otherwise, you could write a Dan Ferrari-style lead, and paint the picture of the Pope walking down the soft red carpet in the gilded Hall of the Blessing, exchanging secret handshakes with Chelsea Clinton and wink-wink-nudge-nudging Ray Dalio.

I’m telling you all this for two reasons.

Reason one is that it’s a cool story I hadn’t heard anywhere before or since. If you’re looking for a hook for a VSL, now or in the coming months, I figure you can’t beat the intrigue of the Pope and Anthony Fauci and the CEO of Moderna in an invitation-only, world-shaping event held inside the Vatican.

Reason two is that maybe you don’t have a product to promote. Or your product simply doesn’t fit this Dan Brownish Vatican conference, and you’re struggling to find something equally intriguing.

In either case I would tell you, drop whatever you’re doing right now. And seriously consider creating a new business or at least a new product, built around this Vatican conference.

Because, as master copywriter Gary Bencivenga said once, great products are “those with a clear-cut, built-in, unique superiority supported by powerful proof elements.”

Gary’s advice was that you should create a product around a strong proof element to start, rather than create a product, and then start truffling out proof to support what you got.

Which is great. Only one thing I would add:

If you can additionally make your foundational proof dramatic and intriguing — again, think Dan Brown — well, then you’re really in for the kind of gold haul that would make the Vatican sit up and take notice.

So there you go. That’s my generational-wealth-building idea for you for today.

And when you do create your Vatican-scented regenerative essential oils, or whatever, and it ends up turning you into a multimillionaire, just remember me and send me a small finder’s fee. I’ll be grateful to you. And I’ll use it to take a trip to Rome and visit the Vatican — but just the outside.

Oh, and sign up for my email newsletter. You won’t believe the secrets and intrigue that are hiding inside.

Unusual guarantees, vol. 3

To start, here’s a bit of futuristic auto news:

A few weeks ago, Mercedes introduced its Drive Pilot technology. It’s much like Tesla’s AutoPilot. It drives the car for you at low speeds. But Mercedes announced an important twist.

If you put your Mercedes on Drive Pilot and the car decides to run over somebody, crushing their foot… or severing their spine… or perhaps even killing them… then you will not be legally responsible.

​​Instead, the Mercedes corporation will be responsible.

So what’s new here?

Well I thought about that for a sec.

After all, what Mercedes is offering sounds just like a guarantee. But I realized it’s a special kind of guarantee, not often seen.

After all, the typical guarantee is something like this:

“Buy this Mercedes. If you’re not happy with it, or if it kills someone while you’re behind the steering wheel, you can return the car and get all your money back.”

A more extreme version is the double or triple money-back guarantee:

“Buy this Mercedes. If it kills someone while you’re behind the steering wheel, and you end up in jail for it, and you no longer want your Mercedes, just return it to us, or have your friends who are on the outside return it on your behalf. And we will refund your full buying price, plus we’ll give you an extra ‘We’re so sorry you’re in jail’ compensation, totaling 200% of what you originally paid.”

Maybe when I put it like that the point becomes clear.

The money you get back for a product that fails is often inadequate. Even when it’s all the money you put in, or even when it’s more. Your total cost is still greater, and sometimes it can’t be quantified in terms of money.

Of course, you’re not selling self-driving cars. But this idea can be used even for some modest direct response offers.

Perhaps you’re wondering how.

That’s something I will tell you about, or rather demonstrate, in an email soon. For today, I will just tease you with this:

I think the key is not to promise money in return. The key is to argue that your offer will make your buyer better off, in every way — whether your product works as intended or not.

In case you want more detail than that, the sign up to my email newsletter, and watch out for my upcoming emails.

For your swipe file: The first Franklin Mint sales letter I’m sharing with you

The Franklin Mint, one of the most successful and profitable direct response companies of all time, has just created its first blockbuster.

Well, not really just. It was more like in 1970. But the following point still stands:

You, as a current reader of the John Bejakovic Letter, are the first to be informed of this Franklin Mint blockbuster.

All right, again, not really the first, but the first this year, probably. Bear with me, okay, because…

Sales letters by the Franklin Mint have always been very popular with collectors. And it is interesting to note that many of these sales letters hide tremendously valuable direct response tactics and ideas.

​​The limited first runs of these sales letters, within just the first few weeks, brought in $1 million and more — even though they were short, often just a few pages each, and were not written by big-name copywriters.

Take for example the first Franklin Mint sales letter I want to share with you. ​It brought in 18,321 orders at $100 each, for a total of $1,8321,000 in sales.

​​Remarkably, it did so with just one page of copy — nine short paragraphs comprising 394 words.

​​And yet these few words featured subtle psychology. And they contain the first instance, in my experience, of a remarkable persuasion technique I would like you to see.

There will undoubtedly be a great demand for this sales letter from seasoned sales letter collectors and professional swipe file sellers.

​​But since this letter came out in 1970, it is hard to obtain, and cannot be found in any Google Docs folder or any website specializing in copywriting.

Consequently, the prestigious swipe files that contain this sales letter will be very limited in number.

Furthermore, I am only sharing this sales letter with established readers of my newsletter — and I’m only doing it for the next 24 hours, until Tuesday, Mar 8 2022, at 8:52pm CET.

Therefore, if you would like to add this sales letter to your own collection, please be sure you sign up to my newsletter within the next 24 hours. You can do so here. Once you get my welcome email, hit reply, and I will send you the Franklin Mint sales letter.

The blood-drive bobblehead bonus

A friend of mine once gave blood because the Red Cross was giving away bobbleheads.

If you’re not American, you might not know what a bobblehead is—

A little figurine, plastic or ceramic, with an oversized head on a spring. Tap the head and it starts bobbling around, hence — bobblehead.

My friend normally never gives blood. And his experience giving blood this time was particularly slow, painful, and scary.

In the rush and push of the big blood drive, the nurses forgot about him. He looked on in panic for what seemed like a long winter, convinced that air bubbles were coming up into his veins.

And yet, he did it, for the bobblehead, because he’s a big baseball fan.

My friend staggered out afterwards, clutching his bobblehead of Brooks Robinson, the legendary third baseman for the Baltimore Orioles.

“Please take me home,” he said weakly.

So I gave him a ride back to his place, where he spent the next three days sleeping and recovering, with the Brooks Robinson bobblehead next to his pillow.

My point being, you can sell a lot of unsellable stuff by giving away a free gift.

​​But you probably knew that already.

So let me zoom in a little and point out that you can sell a lot of unsellable stuff by giving away a completely unrelated free gift.

Most bonuses in the DM world tend to be relevant to the main offer:

“Order a ThighMaster NOW and get FREE a ButtMaster plus a copy of Suzanne Somers Toning System™ workout video!”

But a free bonus doesn’t have to be related to your core offer. And in fact, it might work better if it isn’t.

The blood-drive bobblehead is just one example.

I also remember hearing Dan Kennedy give a couple of other examples.

The magazine Advertising Age, which sold subscriptions with a bonus mug. No relevant bonus could outpull the mug.

And Omaha Steaks, which sold steaks, from Omaha. Their best-performing free bonus was a calculator.

Why?

​​Who knows. Just know this:

If your current offer is as much fun as giving blood… then your free bonus doesn’t have to be a kidney removal.

And now, please sign up for my email newsletter. If you do, I’ll send you a free bonus, a picture of the cover of Breakthrough Advertising, with Gene Schwartz’s name blocked out and your name pasted in.

Let’s see if I can make you watch the SuperBowl

A few days ago, I was listening to an old episode of the James Altucher podcast, and I learned this curious fact:

A person who bets any amount of money on a game is 11x more likely to watch the game.

I’m not sure if this means that you can get people to watch a game, just by getting them to bet. But I’m willing to find out.

Because there’s an old marketing idea that I’ve long thought is super clever.

As far as I know, nobody today in the DM world is using it, at least not online. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you can correct me.

Here’s the idea. It comes from direct marketing legend Joe Sugarman, the guy who made BluBlocker sunglasses into a $300M brand.

Joe once wrote an ad promoting a computer. He ran it around the time of the SuperBowl.

The ad basically said, if the Bears win the SuperBowl, you get this computer at 50% off. If they lose, the price stays as it is. And here’s the outcome, in Joe’s own words:

“There was a lineup of people — we had a retail store — there was a literally a lineup of people all the way around the block waiting to pick up their computer that they were getting for 50% off. The funny part about it was that we were making a nice profit on that as well.”

Like I said, I’m willing to test this idea out.

So I just checked. The Superbowl is in 8 days.

And I happen to be working on a new offer. It’s called Copy Zone. It’s about succeeding in the business part of copywriting — getting started, finding clients, managing clients, performance deals, upleveling.

I am planning to get Copy Zone out by the end of this month. And I’m planning to sell it for $150 to start. But I’ll make you a wager:

If you pick the winner of this Superbowl right — Bengals or Rams — you get my Copy Zone offer for 50% off, or for $75, during the launch window.

Of course, you gotta buy a ticket if you want a piece of this action.

Fortunately, the ticket to play this game is free. But it is time-limited.

So if you want to play this game of chance, you’ll need to get on my email list first. Then just hit reply to my welcome email and pick this year’s SuperBowl Winner.

Bengals. Or Rams.

You have time to enter until I send out my email tomorrow, Monday, Feb 7 2022, at 8:24 CET.

​​Call — or rather, email — now. Our bookies are standing by.

Copy Riddles if you want ’em or not

Today I’m reopening Copy Riddles for a few days.

This brief enrollment window will close this Sunday at 12 midnight PST. The actual Copy Riddles program will kick off next Monday, January 31, 2022.

If you are by chance already convinced that you want to join Copy Riddles, you can do that at the link below.

If you’re not convinced that you want to join Copy Riddles… or you don’t even know what Copy Riddles is… it might also be worth visiting link below.

Because that’s where I’ve laid out exactly what this program is. And I’ve built up my best case why Copy Riddles can quickly and pretty easily implant A-list copywriting skills into your head.

But perhaps you are certain you do not want to join Copy Riddles.

And perhaps you’re wondering where your lighthearted copywriting insight is for the day.

In that case, I’d like to tell you about the “super fun” tactic one elite copywriter has found to  keep his prospects reading past his lead… and ultimately buy. Yes, even in cases when his lead is a little weak.

If you’re curious about that, the answer is still to click the link below and read the page that appears.

So whether you’re highly aware… mildly unaware… or firmly opposed to the power and value of this program I call Copy Riddles… the only suggestion I have for you is to click below and take the next logical step:

https://copyriddles.com/

Gary Bencivenga: The best way to create an offer that sells

Today I found myself in a hypnotic trance, reading through an article titled,

“Charlie Munger: 20 Book Recommendations That Will Make You Smarter.”

When I got to the end of the article, I slowly started to wake up.

“What the hell am I doing?” I asked myself. “How many thousands of books do I already have on my to-read list? Why did I need to click on this article and why did I make it all the way to the end?”

It might be obvious:

It’s because it’s Charlie Munger’s recommended books. And Charlie Munger is a successful and smart guy… so his recommendations might make me smarter and more successful too. At least that’s how my brain rationalized it.

In my mind, this goes back to the advice of Gary Bencivenga, the man many have called the “best copywriter in the world.”

Gary’s entire copywriting philosophy was built around proof. And Gary believed that, while proof in your copy is great, proof embedded in your offer is even greater.

When I think a bit, I see that’s what got me to click and consume the “offer” of that article today. Because that article could just as well have been,

“Charlie Munger: 20 Negotiation Tips That Will Make You Richer.”

Or, “Charlie Munger: 20 Mental Models That Will Make You Stronger.”

Or, “Charlie Munger: 20 Indian Dishes That Will Make You Fuller.”

With any of those offer variations, but with Charlie Munger again at the core, I probably would have still wound up in a trance.

And vice versa.

Imagine that same article had been titled, “20 Really Fantastic and Valuable Book Recommendations.”

​​And if you go to read the article… there’s a case study right up top of Charlie Munger… and how he made a bunch of money by applying an idea from the first book on the list.

Yes, that case study would be proof. And yes, it would be valuable. But it would be nowhere as valuable as basing the entire offer around Charlie.

But perhaps I’m not making this “proof offer” idea clear. So consider something Gary Bencivenga himself did.

At some point in the 70s, Gary started working for a direct response marketing agency. Gary wrote an ad for the agency itself to hunt for new clients. He ran the ad in the Wall Street Journal — and got his agency swamped with new work.

How did he do it?

Well, there was a ton of proof throughout the entire ad. How the agency works… how they reward copywriters… case studies of past clients.

But all that was nothing compared to the actual proof-centered offer. The entire ad was built around that offer. In fact, it featured right in the headline:

“Announcing a direct response advertising agency that will guarantee to outpull your best ad.”

So there you go. Build your offer around an embedded proof element, and watch your prospects get into a buying trance. But…

Perhaps I’m still not making this “proof offer” idea clear enough.

In that case, you might like to read more about it.

And you can do so in Commandment I of my little book, The 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters. Yes, I took Gary’s advice when titling that book. For more info:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

My fruitful first Clickbank failure

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the publication of my first-ever book. Well… book might be a bit grandiose.

It was more like an 85-page pdf. And by publication, I really just mean I put it up on Clickbank for sale.

The title of this thing was the Salary Negotiation Blueprint. The background was this:

10 years ago, I was a dissatisfied office drone working at an IT company. Day after day, I’d sit at my computer, drumming my fingers on the desk, looking out the window as the sun set at 4pm. “And I still have to sit here and pretend to work for 2 more hours!” I wanted to get free.

And then I heard about Mike Geary. Mike was making a million dollars a month selling his own 85-page pdf, The Truth About Abs, on Clickbank.

How could I do the same?

Fortunately, the same source who clued me in to Mike Geary (Tim Ferriss) also clued me in to that most highly revered and valuable guide to direct marketing:

Gary Halbert’s Boron Letters.

Being the bookish type that I am, I got the Boron Letters and I read them. At the time, I wasn’t sure what exactly was so great about them. But I did get one thing from Gary, and that’s when he talks about how to create an info product:

1. Pick a topic
2. Read 5 of the best books on the topic and take notes
3. Write up your own book/85-page report with the best information taken from those other books
4. Make millions!

And here we get to the crossroads.

Because in an unusual move for me… I actually put the Boron Letters down… stared at the void for a bit… and then took a hesitating, first step forward.

In other words, I stopped reading and actually did what Gary was telling me to do. I followed his steps 1-3.

The outcome was the Salary Negotiation Blueprint. I put it up on Clickbank. And then, I rubbed my hands together in anticipation of step 4 aaaand…

Total sales? 0. Total money made? $0. Total learning experience?

Well, with 10 years of hindsight and about 6 years of working as a direct response copywriter, let me highlight a few of the mistakes I made with this first project:

1. Name. I went with Salary Negotiation Blueprint just because every other info product at the time was “something something blueprint.”

But what exactly was the promise in my name? That with my blueprint, you could… negotiate? Not very tempting.

2. “Affiliates will love it!” No, they won’t.

You can see public lists of what Clickbank affiliates love to promote, and salary negotiation guides are not it. This was a lesson I could have learned from the Boron Letters — sell to a starving crowd.

3. My market. What profile of person is going to buy an ebook on salary negotiation?

I can’t say, because I never managed to sell a single copy. But my guess is, these aren’t exactly players with money. More likely to be schlubs on a budget — much like me at the time.

6. The back end. What can you sell to somebody who bought a guide on salary negotiation? A course on networking over the water cooler? Or a guide on Slack tips and tricks, maybe? It feels like grasping at straws.

Ultimately, salary negotiation is a one-time need. Which is bad — because the profits come on the back end.

7. The price. I can’t remember the price. I think I started out at $37, and when I failed to make any sales there, I moved it down to $17, where I continued to fail to make sales.

But whether at $37 or at $17, my price was completely disconnected to the value of my offer. There was zero thought or strategy to it.

So there you go. Maybe you can learn a bit about direct marketing from my mistakes above. Or maybe you knew all this simple stuff before.

Either way, you’re in a good place.

Because there are mountains of people out there who don’t know even these basics of direct marketing and copywriting.

​​And not all these people are as clueless and unsuccessful as I was 10 years ago. Some of them have working businesses — even thriving businesses — in spite of awful, self-defeating marketing.

But you’ve probably heard this claim before.

I know I heard it for a long time. And all I could say is, “Well, where are all these mountains of business owners who could benefit from my growing marketing knowledge? I’m ready to help them out!”

The perverse truth is, they seem to pop up the most when you no longer need them.

A part of it is simply your level of skills. But a part of it is the exposure you give yourself.

In other words, you can shortcut the process somewhat, by giving yourself more exposure. Which brings me to my ongoing offer:

You can get a free copy of my Niche Expert Cold Emails training.

This training covers two cold email strategies that got me in touch with a couple of business owners, one with a working business, and the other with a thriving business.

All in all, these cold emails led to $16k worth of copywriting work. Not Mike Geary money, but an important step on my journey away from office dronedom. And I’m sure I could have gotten more work from these emails, had I just used them more consistently.

The training is yours free right now, as part of a promotion I’m trying out. For the full details, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/free-offer-niche-expert-cold-emails/

“Sign of the Elephant Guarantee”

Right now, the top seller in the competitive “manifestation” niche on Clickbank is an offer called the BioEnergy Code.

The VSL for this offer tells the story of Angela Carter, a woman on a journey to find wealth, health, and a feeling of connectedness… by following the golden thread of the elephant.

Elephant?

Yes, elephant.

First, Angela walks into a bookstore in her home town. She closes her eyes and prays for guidance. And she spots a travel guide with an elephant on it.

Next thing you know, Angela’s traveled to Nepal. A boy on the street tugs on her shirt. “Go see the elephants,” he says, and he points across the street.

This leads Angela to a guru who tells her the secret of manifesting anything she wants.

She manifests a new and amazing life for herself. She’s ready to head back home. And she wants to make the guru’s secret public, so others could benefit also. But the guru balks.

“This knowledge stays in Nepal!”

But our hero is prepared. “What if we contribute a portion of each sale to a save-the-elephants charity?”

The guru mulls this over for a second. “Deal!”

This explains why you can now buy the BioEnergy Code for $37 on Clickbank. Pretty standard stuff and not particularly inventive. But this next part is.

When it’s time to close the sale on the set of guided meditation mp3s and chakra-release PDFs, Angela makes the following guarantee:

I call it the “Sign of the Elephant Guarantee”.

Here’s how it works.

Within 24 hours of saying “yes” to The BioEnergy Code…

I guarantee you’ll receive an unmistakable “sign” that you’re on the right path.

It’ll feel like something just got unblocked so you can see your path more clearly than ever.

It may not be an “elephant” like it was for me in Barnes & Noble and the tea shop in Kathmandu…

But it WILL be so clear and so unmistakable, it will be the “Elephant in the Room” – a sign that your fields of BioEnergy are about to be cleared and unleashed.

All I ask is that you give your source 24 hours to manifest this elephant in the room sign.

And if you don’t experience this elephant size sign, simply email me and I’ll promptly refund every penny.

I thought this was genuinely clever. This short bit of copy does so much.

I sat down, and off the top of my head, I wrote 7 good things that come out of this guarantee. I was going to highlight the most valuable of these 7 things in this email, but I realized they are all too important.

So I will make you an offer with a 100% no-questions-asked money-back guarantee… for a full 24 hours.

I call it the “Sign of Clickbank Insight.”

Here’s how it works:

Within 24 hours of reading this email, I guarantee you will receive an unmistakable sign having to do with Clickbank.

Oh, it might not be a big Clickbank logo on a sales page that you visit. But it will be there if you watch for it.

It might be some email newsletter mentioning Clickbank… or it might be an online run-in with a copywriter or marketer, such as Stefan Georgi or Ian Stanley or Chris Haddad, who has been closely tied to Clickbank in the past.

Once you see the sign, you will feel a clear and unmistakable lightbulb moment. “Aha! So this is what that Bejakovic guy was talking about!”

I guarantee this will happen. All I ask is that you give the universe 24 hours to organize this moment of insight for you.

And when it happens, then sign up to my email newsletter.

Reply to my welcome email and tell me about the sign that you saw… and I will spell out the 7 chakras of the “Sign of the Elephant guarantee.”

I mean, I will tell you what I thought was so good about this guarantee… and how you can use this in your own marketing and copy to one day make it to the top of your own Clickbank category.

Or… your money back.