Copywriting

Naked yoga for lonely, bearded old men

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Taking a naked yoga class is not so much about stretching.

Rather, it’s more about ogling the naked female instructor.

For example, a typical naked yoga class culminates in a pose known as “bird of paradise,” where the (naked) instructor stands on one leg and holds her other leg at a 180-degree angle.

I read about this in an article about bizarre courses you can now take around East London.

Along with naked yoga, you can also sign up for rope bondage classes, cuddle parties, and tantra workshops.

According to Samantha Rea, the author of the article, most of the interest is from men, typically “older, usually single, left-leaning middle-class guys who sometimes sport a man-bun and a big, bushy beard—lubricated with artisan beard-oil—along with loose cotton trousers.”

Samantha writes that, to her mind, these classes are not much different than getting a lap dance. The only real difference is “paying for a lap dance is a more honest transaction.”

And that brings me to the topic of selling in marketing.

Occasionally (though less often as I’ve continued to raise my copywriting rates), I still come across a business that would like to “increase engagement” with their prospects or customers.

Often, this is code for pumping out well-meaning content, without in any way trying to make the sale or promote the offers the business has.

It’s not the kind of job I take on.

For one, I focus on sales copywriting, which always aims to clearly get an action from the reader.

I do this because it gets clients results, which is good for me in the long term.

On a more astral plane, I feel that aiming to “increase engagement” without selling is much like lap dancing for the woke (as Samantha puts it).

If you ask me, it’s better to have the sales honestly out in the open.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to drum your prospects on the head with your sales pitch. It’s true people do not like to be sold to. That’s why your prospects should feel like they are buying because they want to, rather than because you have sold them.

The good news is, it’s not hard to get a grip on this skill.

Assuming you write to your prospects regularly about things they care about, in a fun and entertaining way. And if you want to find out in more detail how to do this, you might like the following:

The productivity benefits of dirty hostels and shared bathrooms

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Ben Settle wrote an email today with the subject line, “Why airports are the devil.”

Ben’s email is all about how he hates travel — the bacteria-infected airports, the dirty hostels, and the horror-filled lifestyle of a digital nomad.

Now, I hate many of the same things that Ben’s pointing out.

And yet, I still travel frequently and willingly.

And I think traveling is important — whether I like it or not.

That’s because I’ve noticed that when I sit at home and develop a daily routine, my brain slowly and imperceptibly starts to get slow, stupid, and depressed.

After a while, it simply refuses to work very well. It refuses to be active, creative, or engaged — because everything around me is too familiar.

The upshot is it starts to take me longer and longer to get work completed… Small obstacles become overwhelming… And I find it hard to stay motivated or positive.

Going for a trip clears all those cobwebs quickly and amps me up with energy for when I get back home. And that’s why I’m willing to submit to uncomfortable airplane seats or to bacteria in dodgy restaurants or embarrassment when having to deal with strangers in a strange land.

I’m sure there are many people who are like Ben, and who can thrive in their own home fortress, with a regular, familiar routine, day in and day out.

But I suspect many people are also like me.

The thing is, not everyone has a free and flexible lifestyle.

Many people who do get depressed and bored and inactive in their daily lives cannot travel and get new experiences whenever they want.

And so they seek novelty, stimulation, and entertainment wherever they can get it.

Usually through TV shows. Or social media. Or even in the marketing they are exposed to.

Which, in case you’ve got a business, is a great opportunity.

If you send marketing emails entertaining and challenging your audience, you can help your prospects make up for the fact they have routine and staid lives.

And if you want to see how I write such emails — even as I sleep on friends’ couches and expose myself to dangerous airport bacteria — then you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

What if a client doesn’t have a unique selling proposition

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I just read a question by a frustrated copywriter.

He writes copy for a bunch of businesses that are “just like everyone else.”

They have no clear USP.

They sell the same products or services as their competitors.

And their ideal clients are “someone with a lot of money that has no sane reason to give it to them.”

So what do you do in this kind of situation?

How can you market a generic product or service?

The easy answer would be to say, find better clients, or help your clients improve their products and services.

But as I’ve written previously, that’s not always an option.

This is a situation I know well, because I’ve recently worked for several clients who specialize in selling generic, USP-free products.

In fact, that’s their entire business model.

Specifically, these clients sell their own white-labeled versions of currently popular ecommerce products, such as portable blenders or activated charcoal bags or shoe insoles.

For each of these products, there are typically dozens of competitors selling the exact same thing, and often at lower prices.

And yet, we’ve been able to make many of these offers profitable, and to do so to cold traffic from Facebook.

In my experience, it requires two things:

1. Amping up the emotion. The copy for these products tells cautionary, dramatic personal stories and ties them into the product. In effect, the copy tells the story of Little Red Riding Hood, and then mentions a flashing LED collar that keeps wolves at bay.

2. Selling the features to justify the purchase. The copy then talks about the non-unique features of the product and sells them on their benefits:

​​”And this anti-wolf LED collar lasts 6 hours on one charge — which means it will cover Little Red’s entire trip through the forest, even if she gets lost along the way.”

Of course, this won’t work to sell careful shoppers.

After all, the features aren’t unique, and the product might be available elsewhere for a lower price.

But like I said, the above 1-2 punch is effective in selling enough people to make many of these offers profitable.

I hope this helps you if you have to sell a generic, non-differentiated product.

And if you want to talk about having me write your Little Red Riding Hood cautionary tales, write me an email and get in touch.

Needs more Gordon Gekko

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There’s a unique glass skyscraper along the Chicago riverfront.

It was built in the 1980s and it doesn’t have a rectangular cross section.

Instead, it has sawtooth corners — basically, instead of having 4 corners, it has something like 16 corners.

This design was to accommodate the Gordon Gekko priorities of that decade.

People cared about money, power, and prestige first, and having the corner office was the best embodiment of that.

And so even the buildings of the 1980s adapted to meet these increased corner-office demands.

I found out about this yesterday during a riverboat architectural tour of Chicago.

It was details like this that made the tour worth taking, in spite of hte terrible weather and the Chicago wind.

The thing is, the tour didn’t start out with these kinds of interesting stories and cute explanations.

Instead, the guide started by pointing at skyscraper after skyscraper and saying, “That’s the XY building, built in 19XX by the XYZ architecture company.”

This went on for the first 20 minutes.

Had I not been captive on the boat, I would have definitely stopped listening to the tour guide’s message.

And I think this is a simple and clear lesson that applies to writing good sales copy as well.

It applies to to the kinds of messages your audience will actually hear and respond to…

As well as how you should structure a longer sales message.

And that’s why “more Gordon Gekko” is something I’d recommend in case you’re writing copy for yourself or for anybody else.

And in case you want more tips about how to write story-based, interesting copy that gets to the good parts quickly, check out the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

How to write copy and influence people

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I recently read a personal story about Andrew Carnegie, one of the richest Americans of all time.

Carnegie had a couple of nephews who studied at Yale University.

These guys never wrote their mother, and they paid no attention to their mother’s frantic letters asking them if they are ok.

Andrew Carnegie wagered a hundred dollars he could get an answer from his nephews by return mail — without even asking for it.

So he wrote them a chatty letter.

In the postscript, he mentioned casually he was sending each of them a five-dollar bill.

But he neglected to enclose the money.

Sure enough, replies came from the two nephews, thanking uncle Andrew for his letter, and letting him know him he forgot to send them the money he mentioned.

By the way, I read this story in a book written by another Carnegie.

That’s Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

And I think this story does a good job illustrating the fundamental principle behind the whole How to Win Friends book. I believe this principle is also the fundamental rule of copywriting — the first thing I would tell anybody who is looking to write sales copy, whether for their own business or for a client.

I won’t spell this rule out for you here.

But if you want to see how you can put it into action when writing your own copy — specifically your own sales emails — then check out hte following:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

How to hire a copywriter without falling into a trance

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“So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.”
— Dale Carnegie

Earlier this year, I wrote a book about how to succeed as a copywriter on Upwork.

And in my opinion, one of the most valuable tips in that book was how to handle interviews with potential clients.

​​When a client starts off an interview by asking me why they should hire me, I usually respond with something like:

“I’d definitely like to answer that for you. But I want to make sure I’m speaking to the things you care about. So can you first tell me what’s most important for you on this project?”

5 out of 6 times, this puts clients into a trance state.

They start talking…

And they keep talking…

And 20 minutes of talking later, without knowing anything about me, they will often say:

“John, it really sounds like you might be perfect for this job. When could you start?”

This is great for me. But what about the clients? Are they really making smart decisions in this half-drunken trance state?

I got to thinking about this today when I saw a question on Facebook from a guy named Dave. Dave asks:

“What is the best way to hire a freelance copywriter? What kind of questions should I be asking?”

One of the people in the comments responded by saying that clients should NOT ask questions — instead they should evaluate the copywriter based on how well he asks questions.

Like I said, I don’t think this is enough. Asking good questions — while it is an important sales skill — is not the the same thing as writing effective sales copy.

So I think clients should take a page out of Dale Carnegie’s book.

Yes, allow the copywriter to ask you questions, and see whether he understands your particular situation and goals.

But at that point, get genuinely interested in the copywriter. And ask your own questions to see if this is a person you would like to work with. Questions such as:

What’s your process for writing copy?
How do you do research?
What are you looking for when you do research?
What kinds of clients do you like to work with?
What similar projects have you worked on?
What kind of results can we expect?
What do you need from me?

I can’t give you specific right answers to look for here.

But I think asking these questions will help you figure out if this copywriter is experienced, competent, and trustworthy.

And if you want to ask me those questions — after you’ve told me all about yourself — then get in touch with me and we can find a time to talk.

8 heart-piercing fence posts of your customers’ emotional ranch

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I’ve been listening to a talk Perry Marshall gave about his “Swiss Army knife.”

This is Perry’s method for writing novel and effective pay-per-click ads (or really, any kind of copy).

The first step — or blade — of Perry’s Swiss Army knife is all about your customer’s big and broad emotional ranch.

As a marketer, you need to know the ambit of this ranch. And you do so by focusing on the 8 fence posts below. This helps you map the ranch out, so you can get to work writing the ads.

Let me give you an illustration using a market I’ve been researching lately, and that’s people with IBS:

Fence post #1: Your customer

My example market is a person suffering with IBS. Getting regular attacks of stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhea… Fatigued, anxious, and suffering from related problems such as lack of nutrients. Tried recommended solutions but hasn’t found a way to stop IBS.

Fence post #2: A negative force or belief

People in this market believe nobody can understand their problems. They are alone in having this issue. They can’t live a normal life. They think it’s embarrassing. They worry they will live with IBS for the rest of their lives.

Fence post #3: A thing your customer loves

These folks love the times that they don’t have IBS attacks. They love having normal bowel movements. Being able to go about their lives normally (dating, meeting friends, traveling…).

Fence post #4: A thing your customer hates

Of course, they hate IBS attacks. But many of them also hate eating. Or having to use public bathrooms. Or jokes about digestive problems or issues. Or claims that IBS is not a real disease or a big deal. Bullshit treatments or advice.

Fence post #5: A positive force or belief

They keep hoping that maybe somebody will invent a cure for IBS. Or that they will figure out what causes their own IBS.

Fence post #6: You (the advertiser)

Let’s say I’m a website providing info on various IBS treatments. And let’s say my offers include articles, newsletters, product recommendations, webinars, ebooks. The site is helpful, truthful, and supportive.

Fence post #7: Your customer’s best friend

Their actual friends. Their spouse. Their kids. Their dog. Other anonymous people online who also suffer from IBS.

Fence post #8: Your customer’s worst enemy

Their own digestive system. Trigger foods (onions, garlic…). Unsupportive doctors.

All right, we’ve just driven the emotional fence posts into the ground.

The next thing is to pick two of these fence posts and see if they jog any copy ideas in your mind. So for example, #4 and #8:

Is your doctor making jokes about IBS?
Don’t allow him to dismiss you
Free info on real IBS treatments

Or here’s another, with #2 and #7:

IBS Attack = Ruined Travel Plans
It doesn’t have to be embarrassing
How to help your friends understand

You get the idea. The more info you can pile on in each of the above categories, the easier the writing of the ads becomes.

Like I said, I’m doing a lot of research on this market and mapping these fence posts out — because I intend to make that website described in #6. But more about this later.

For now, if you want my help writing emotional and effective copy, send me an email, and we can find a time to talk.

Snatching defeat from the jaws of a large, aggressive dog

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I really love dogs but that would have helped me little last night, when a territorial black monster named Tony cornered me with apparent intent to tear out my liver.

Tony is the dog of a friend I’m visiting and is supposedly a German shepherd. I have my doubts about this lineage because

1) as mentioned, Tony is all black and not brown, and

2) Tony is about 50% larger than any German shepherd I’ve ever seen (he weighs around 100 lbs). In fact, if I ever ran into Tony in a dark forest, my first thought would be I’m seeing a wolf and I’m about to become a cautionary tale for naughty children.

Fortunately, I survived last night’s Tony attack because my friend, knowing Tony’s territorial tendencies, put a muzzle on Tony’s snout ahead of time.

So even though Tony charged at me repeatedly and got so close I could hear his jaws snapping, I was safe.

As I was lying in bed later, going over this exciting evening and trying to fall asleep, I summed it up as,

“Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory” (suck it Tony)

This in turn reminded me of a great subject line technique I call inversion (others might have different names for it).

It’s when you take a saying, a well-known phrase, or a cliche and either turn it around (as with the “defeat” phrase) or take a key word and negate it (as in the Ben Settle subject line, “Why the customer is always wrong”).

This inversion style of subject lines works for two reasons:

First, it catches your reader off guard and it causes dissonance that the reader will probably want to resolve.

Second, it gives you an interesting angle to write about — assuming you write the subject line ahead of the email body.

Anyways, I’ll be staying with my friend — and Tony — for the next few days. And assuming Tony’s muzzle doesn’t slip off and I wind up in the ER, I’ll even try to get a bit of copywriting done. Specifically, some emails for a new health offer I will be promoting.

If you want to get a good idea of how I write such emails — and you can, too — then check out the following page:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

How to turn your business into a cult or a clan

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I’m currently passing through Budapest, Hungary.

Budapest used to be my home base, and so, for nostalgia’s sake, I sat down in my former number-one cafe.

It’s a bright, wood-paneled place right in the center of the city. And it’s called Madal, after an Indian spiritual teacher who for some reason was very popular in Hungary.

As you might suspect, the whole place has a kind of cultish feel. There’s light, chanting music playing in the background. A selection of books is there for customers to read, with titles such as “My life’s soul journey.” And a large picture of Madal himself is smiling beatifically at me from the opposite wall.

And yet, in spite of all this mind massage, the cafe is extremely popular. I suspect, more so than if they simply had the same offer (good coffee, decent croissants) and a more neutral decor.

And this reminded me of another, less beatific and peaceful business.

I’m talking about the Wu Tang Clan, a bunch of rappers from Staten Island who adopted slang and imagery from old kung fu movies.

Yes, they had good beats and good rhymes.

And yet, I doubt they would have been such a worldwide sensation over the past 25 years‚ had it not been for the mystique of the Wu and the Shaolin behind the music.

That’s something to keep in mind if you have a fairly vanilla business.

Could you take your ordinary product and make it into a cult — or a clan — simply by weaving in elements of some little-known, mystical, or ancient ideology?

It’s something I keep thinking about for my own projects. And that’s why I’m always paying attention to news items involving archeologists, conspiracy theorists, and new age kooks.

Anyways, if you need some mystical copy written for your business, write me and get in touch. I’m traveling over the next few days (in fact, next few weeks), but we can still find a time to talk.

My mommy blogger envy

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Today I read an article about Heather Armstrong, the former “queen of the mommy bloggers.”

At one point, Heather’s blog was getting 8 million views a month and was pulling in $40k a month, mostly from banner ads.

This made me a bit envious. It also reminded me of something Mark Ford once wrote — that there are two ways to sell.

One is the traditional way, talking about benefits the prospect might care about.

The other is the charismatic way to sell. In other words, you make the sale based on your own personality.

This way, according to Mark, is the more powerful of the two.

Unfortunately, it’s not something that’s easy for me, because I’ve got as much personality as an ironing board.

Or maybe a sponge.

Which might mean I will never get to 8 million subscribers to this little email newsletter…

But it does have its advantages.

Such as for example, allowing me to imitate my client’s personality on demand in copy. If you want to see some examples of how I’ve done this — including examples that were very successful for some big-name health businesses — you might like the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/