Copywriting

List segmentation advice from Jojo the idiot circus boy

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A while back, I got hired to write a doomed sequence of emails.

This was for a kit to help with fermenting your own vegetables at home.

The client who was selling these fermenting kits had done a survey of his customers. He found that some of them cared about the health benefits of fermented foods. Others cared about the tradition of fermenting (eg, “My grandma used to make dill pickles”).

And so I got hired me to write a bunch of emails for the two segments. One focusing on the health benefits of fermented foods, and the other on the tradition of fermenting.

I did as the client asked.

And the resulting emails bombed.

No sales.

So what went wrong?

My feeling is it was like the famous scene from the movie Tommy Boy.

You know, the one where Chris Farley plays Tommy Callahan, a fat party animal who tries to become a successful salesman.

After failing over and over to close even one sale, Tommy Boy takes a good honest look at himself.

“I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet,” Tommy says while holding a muffin.

The muffin represents the sale.

“Oh my pretty little pet… I love you,” Tommy says to the muffin.

And he strokes the muffin.

And he massages it.

Harder.

And harder.

Until he rips the poor muffin apart, while screaming, “I KILLED IT, I KILLED MY SALE!”

And that’s basically what happened with these fermentation emails.

The people on this list had signed up for fermentation recipes. And here they were, getting email after email about autoimmune health and the history of sauerkraut.

In other words, the emails were trying too hard to be clever.

And in doing that, they scared and repulsed the customers, who really just needed a simpler, more direct sales message.

At least that’s the conclusion I drew from this fiasco. Along with the fact that segmenting your list, while it might sound sexy, can backfire unless you know what you’re doing.

Anyways, maybe you’ll find this info useful.

And if you want help with your sales copy, then put on your little coat, twirl around until it rips apart, and take a look at the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

How to exploit your customers’ compulsion to gamble

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Gambling is much like sex.

It seems to be a fundamental human compulsion.

And it doesn’t require any justification other than its inherent excitement.

The thing is, sex is well-exploited in marketing. Gambling, I haven’t seen as much.

But it can be done.

Here’s one example, from marketing and copywriting legend Joe Sugarman.

In his “HOT” magazine ad, Joe was promoting a membership club called Consumers Hero. Members of the club would get the opportunity to buy refurbished goods at a steep discount.

Most of the stuff wasn’t too impressive — clock radios, microwaves, electric can openers.

But occasionally, Consumers Hero had a really great deal — like a TV for only $39.95 — which was only available in small numbers.

In this case, a segment of Consumers Hero members would be selected in a kind of lottery. These chosen members would be the only ones who got the mailing inviting them to buy the great deal.

My guess is that if anybody got a mailing saying “YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN TO BUY THIS TV AT A GREAT DISCOUNT,” they would be much more likely to actually buy, just by virtue of knowing they’d “won” the opportunity.

Which is all well and good — if your product inherently allows you to turn it into a lottery.

But what if you’re not in that position?

Fear not. Playing on your customers’ compulsion to gamble can still increase sales.

Here’s another Joe Sugarman story:

Joe once wrote an ad promoting a computer. He ran it around the time of the SuperBowl.

The ad basically said, if the Bears win the SuperBowl, you get this computer at 50% off. If they lose, the price stays as it is. And here’s the outcome, in Joe’s own words:

“There was a lineup of people — we had a retail store — there was a literally a lineup of people all the way around the block waiting to pick up their computer that they were getting for 50% off. The funny part about it was that we were making a nice profit on that as well.”

And there you have it.

Even if you’re not selling collectibles or trading cards or something that has a lottery aspect to it, you can still use gambling simply as a way to run a sale. The fact that the sale might actually not happen will only drive up interest.

The reason why that happens is another topic, for another time.

For now, if you need help writing those ads that announce a lottery-like sale, you might like to take a chance on the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The positioning lesson of the involuntary Nazi salute

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A few days ago, I rewatched Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

It’s dark and dry comedy set during the Cold War. Much of it happens in the War Room at the Pentagon.

The President and all his advisors are there, trying to prevent an accidentally triggered nuclear disaster that will wipe all life off the surface of the planet.

Among the President’s advisors, there is Dr. Strangelove himself. He’s a wheelchair-bound former Nazi scientist who now works for the US government.

Dr. Strangelove is loyal to his new American overlords.

He tries to serve them well.

But there are things he cannot control.

Like his prosthetic right arm, which fights with him during the entire movie. And in the final climactic scene, while Strangelove is proposing a plan to preserve the United States, his mechanical arm springs up into a Nazi salute of its own will. It even tries to strangle the good doctor when he forces it to stop saluting.

Now, I’m sure this mechanical arm can be a metaphor for many things.

But the one that struck me was simply one of the main rules of positioning, straight out of the original book by Al Ries and Jack Trout. And that rule is:

“If you want to be successful in love or in business, you must appreciate the importance of getting into the mind first.”

In other words, the first cut is the deepest.

That’s true in political ideology…

In actual romance​…

And, as Ries and Trout say, in business as well.

Once you successfully occupy a good position in your customers’ minds, you are probably in for life (unless you really get careless). Even if your customers try to defect…

They own arm will (figuratively) spring up and choke them back into place.

That’s an enviable place to be in. ​​

So how do you get into your prospects’ minds first, so you can create this kind of loyalty?

Well, there are several, equally important ingredients.

And I’m afraid I can only help with one of them, and that’s good sales copy.

If that’s what you’re looking for, then here’s a good way to avoid a real crisis:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

8 tired but effective sales cliches

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A word of warning:

You don’t wanna use too many cliches in your sales copy. (They’ll roll right off, like water off a duck’s back.)

But there are exceptions.

Some phrases are just so powerful that it doesn’t seem to matter how much they’ve been overused.

Here’s a collection of a few such cliches, taken from a couple of winning magalogs written by one of the most successful copywriters working today, Parris Lampropoulos:

1. “But that’s not all”

Once you’ve wowed your readers with an amazing benefit, you don’t want to let them sit and ruminate on it. You gotta keep ’em reading. And that’s what this phrase will do. (Its more proleish cousin, “But wait! There’s more…” might be a little too much these days.)

2. “A whopping 34%”

Is 34% good? Or not? Don’t let the reader wonder or draw his own conclusion. Whop him over the head with the statistic so he knows what the point is.

3. “The truth about X”

This isn’t a cliche that’s used by civilians, but copywriters and Internet marketers use it, and use it a lot. Because it works. People love secrets, and they want to be in on the know.

4. “What they found amazed them”

Back in 1942, when Victor Schwab wrote How to Write a Good Advertisement, he noted that the word “amazing” had long been overused, but it still seemed to have some pulling power. And so it continues, 80 years later.

5. “If you’re sick and tired of X”

I’m sick and tired of people using this phrase. But it’s so compact, and it gets the point across so effectively that it will probably never die.

6. “We’re putting our money where our mouth is”

Where else would you put it?

7. “We’ll refund every penny you paid”

I’m not sure this qualifies as a cliche. But it certainly seems to be a common trope in advertisements. It works because it’s specific and it paints a picture.

8. “The most amazing breakthrough in X ever”

Yep, making the most amazing promise in the history of advertising still works. However, be warned. This appeared in the close of the sales letter, not in the beginning.

And there you have it.

Eight amazingly easy ways to write just like one of the greatest copywriters of all time.

Of course, you might need some meat to connect these cliches if you do decide to use them.

And in case that’s not your core competency, or you’re really looking to improve ROI, you might find a  win-win solution in the following offer:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

An open letter to those bombarded by information

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Here’s a pop quiz for you. What do…

Michelle Obama…

Dave Chappelle…

And Spike Lee…

All have in common?

Take a moment and get past your first gut reaction. No? Nothing else comes to mind? Here’s the answer then:

All three of these cultural figures have publicly complained about being “bombarded with information.”

Of course, it’s not just the three of them.

This information bombardment thing has become a big cultural cliche, and thousands of people are out there right now, on Facebook and Twitter, repeating the same line.

Which ​probably means this idea of being bombarded with information — if if ever was true — is not very accurate any more.

​​In that case, it’s ripe for being replaced by a different, more useful point of view. And just in time, here’s A-list copywriter Richard Armstrong on the matter:

“It makes no more sense to say we are bombarded with information than to say a fish is bombarded with water.”

In Richard’s point of view, we are NOT bombarded with information.

Instead, we’re swimming in it.

We’re living in it.

And to a large extent, we are actually made of it.

The fact is, we’re all adapting very quickly to the increasing quantities of information around us.

Most of us realize on some level that all sources of information — newspapers, personal blogs, online forums, Facebook ads — are biased and are trying to sell us something (even if it’s just a point of view).

The thing is, it doesn’t seem to matter too much.

That’s because we are not independent fortresses trying to protect ourselves from information grenades…

Instead, we are spongy organisms that soak up information all the time, based on what we find tasty.

I’ll stop with this post here, because I am worried it’s getting too abstract.

But this philosophical discussion does have very practical applications. And if you want to know what those are, and how you can use them to communicate more swimmingly with your audience, you might like my upcoming book:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The bully, the charismatic, and the invisible salesman on Facebook

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“In my experience, there are basically three types of salesmen: the bully, the charismatic, and the invisible man.”
— Mark Ford

Over the past few months, I’ve been writing a lot of copy for a client in the ecommerce space.

Their typical funnel goes like this:

Facebook ad -> advertorial -> product page

I’ve been handling the FB ads and the advertorials for a bunch of this client’s products. And it’s been going well. But I recently got some feedback.

It seems some of our FB ads have been getting rejected. In the client’s own words:

“We’re getting a few disapprovals here and there for calling out the user. I don’t agree with it but seems everytime we mention the word ‘you’ even if it’s not a direct call out some reviewers will disapprove.”

So what’s going on?

In a nutshell, it seems Facebook is trying to prevent copy that acts like the “bully salesman” in Mark Ford’s quote above.

By Mark’s definition, that’s the salesman who “succeeds by pressing you so hard that you make a purchase just to make him go away.”

One trivial way that Facebook seems to be reigning in this type of copy is by singling out the word “you,” like in the ads I’ve been writing.

But according to million-dollar copywriter Justin Goff, Facebook also seems to be rejecting clickbaity, fear-laden, “punch-em-in-the-gut” sales letters.

So is this the end of direct response marketing on Facebook?

Not necessarily.

As Mark Ford says above, there are still two other ways to make sales through a combination of personality (charismatic type), stories (both charismatic and invisible types), and indirect claims (invisible type).

So for example, Justin also told the story of one marketer he knows.

She had a long-running VSL that Facebook had started rejecting.

So she wrote a new VSL.

And instead of the usual doom and gloom, she made it softer, kinder, and gentler — like a friend giving you advice.

Facebook approved, to the extent where the new sales page was performing better than the old one.

Promising.

In my personal case, I’ve done something similar:

I’ve simply focused on that old standby, pure story telling, with little or no obvious selling.

In other words, I’ve removed that offensive word “you” by focusing on the harmless word “I”…

And then telling people to click through if they want to learn more.

It’s working at the moment. Which might interest you in case you’re planning on running offers on cold Facebook traffic.

And if you are running such offers, and you want help with the copy, get in touch with me here and we can talk.

How to extend your tentacles into your customers’ minds

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Earlier today, I was staring in disbelief at my laptop.

It had just finished rebooting, when I realized I had lost a bunch of important files.

The text editor I use, which normally saves all sessions when it’s being shut down, malfunctioned for some reason. And after my laptop restarted, I found the text editor didn’t save about 10 pages’ worth of notes, todos, and ideas, which I had been accumulating over the space of many months.

I wasn’t angry or even surprised when this happened.

But I did feel strangely lightheaded and disoriented.

The question is, why would I have such a reaction?

Well, maybe my laptop experience today is a good illustration of what philosopher Andy Clark calls the “extended mind.”

In Clark’s view, our mind is not just in our heads.

It is also distributed in our laptops, our smart phones, and pieces of paper we use for notes. And if that’s true, then I had a part of my mind amputated today. No wonder I felt light-headed.

But here’s the thing:

If you believe Andy Clark, then it’s not just gadgets and pencils and paper that extend our minds.

It’s also the regular interactions we have with other people.

That’s one reason why it can be so painful to have a romantic breakup, or to lose a close friend or family member. Literally, a part of your own mind has been lobotomized.

Which is kind of sad in these real-life situations…

But we’re not here to mope. Instead, we’re here to talk about marketing and sales and making money.

And if you want to do make money, then you should start getting in touch with your clients or customers regularly.

Over time, you will literally start being a part of their mind as they continue to hear from you.

And if you do a good-enough job, they will actually feel a tiny pang of pain or anxiety in case they don’t hear from you as expected.

So how do you do a good-enough job communicating with clients and customers?

I’m glad you asked, because I’ve got some opinions on this matter. And I’ll share them in my upcoming book on email marketing. Which you can get for free, if you sign up for it in time over here:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Severed ear fills a gaping hole for UK landscaper

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It seems Dr. Evil is going to prison.

I’m talking about Brendan McCarthy, aka Dr. Evil, of Dr. Evil’s Body Modification Emporium in Wolverhampton, UK.

His trial just concluded, and it seems he will be off to jail for 40 months.

He pleaded guilty to removing several ears, nipples, and bits of tongue of willing clients, without a surgical license or any skill in treating possible adverse reactions. (In Dr. Evil’s defense, he did stop short of removing toes and fingers, which some clients also requested.)

Now if this story makes you mildly queasy, you might be wondering, why would anybody willingly have their ear removed?

Well, we know the answer, at least in the case of Ezechiel Lott, a landscaper from the West Midlands who had Dr. Evil sever his ear.

“It’s because of one-upmanship,” Ezechiel says. “You see somebody who has something extreme, and want to go one up on it.”

Now, I’ve personally never done any kind of modification to my body (excepting an accidental run in with a butter knife in my final year of college).

But I always thought people were motivated to get tattoos or those loopy earplugs or skin branding as a kind of positive expression of their personality.

I should have known better.

People are frequently much more motivated by a fear or insecurity than by gain or benefit.

So they cut off their ears because they’re afraid of not being unique enough.

Or they buy testosterone supplements — not because they care about improved performance at the gym — but because they’re afraid of not being man enough.

Or they buy get-rich schemes — not because they want to retire to a private island — but because they’re afraid their father will think of them as a failure otherwise.

So what’s the conclusion?

Well, you can draw your own.

Maybe it’s how you should be happy with what you’ve got.

Or maybe it’s how you shouldn’t be happy, because other people have more.

In fact, if you’ve got a business, then it’s a fact other businesses are making more money than yours right now.

And if you don’t want to be left behind, you’ll need good sales copy. Which is something I might be able to help with. In case you’re interested, take a look at the offer on the following page, which might help you fill that gaping hole:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

A quick catalogue of forbidden parts of the human psyche

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The Roman playwright Terence wrote two thousand years ago:

“I am human, and nothing human is alien to me.”

Well, if you want to persuade people, you better have the same attitude.

You see, when people make buying decisions, it’s often deep dark instincts that are actually at work. And if you ignore those monkey and lizard hallways of the human brain, you won’t make as many sales.

But how do you know what weird and nasty things are actually lurking in the mass mind?

You look on the front page of Reddit. Or at least that’s what I did over the course of several weeks, while tracking forbidden emotions and ideas that kept coming up over and over. Here’s a partial catalogue:

#1 Disgust

The subreddit r/WTF features bizarre and revolting images or videos. And yet, the posts frequently go viral and make it to the front page. Example viral post:

“Tugging an enormous abscess out of a cow”

#2 Schadenfreude

There seems to be a strong human instinct to take pleasure in others’ misfortune or mistakes or stupidity. However, the world today has become a democratic place with a lot of concern about minimizing suffering. How to square the two? You have to direct your schadenfreude to appropriate targets. Example viral post:

“Steph Curry blows the open dunk and then airballs the 3”

#3 Indignation, anger, judgementalness

Indignation and judgmentalness are incredibly popular, and several subreddits specialize in them. Two that frequently make it to the front page are r/ChoosingBeggars and r/trashy. Example viral post:

“Kurt Cobain suicide letter t-shirt” (from r/trashy)

#4 Defeatism

American society is all about success and unfailing optimism. At least outwardly. On Reddit, the defeatist attitude often resonates very well. Example viral post:

“When the romantic beach getaway with your hubby doesn’t go as planned” (a video of a middle-aged woman looking on as a bunch of drunken college girls in the bar dance to Baby Got Back)

#5 Breasts

Of course, sex sells. But in the mainstream mind, it’s no longer ok to publicly stare at a woman’s breasts or ass. This holds on Reddit, too. You won’t find pictures of sexy girls on the front page — unless they are somehow disguised. For example, by being a vintage movie star. Example viral post:

“Scilla Gabel, Italian actress and Sophia Loren’s body double, 1957”

Now a disclaimer for the end: These forbidden parts of the human psyche are powerful. But you probably don’t want to clobber your readers over the head with them.

Instead, you will want to introduce them in subtle ways to make your marketing message most effective.

In case you want to see how I’ve done this in several successful email campaigns, you’ll want to get a copy of my upcoming book on email marketing. You can sign up for a free copy of it here:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The obvious secret to creating blockbuster products

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I talked to a potential client a couple of days ago.

He’s selling a prostate supplement. It’s going well. And he now wants to create other products he could sell to the same audience.

So he wanted to know whether I could give him advice about which products to develop based on what I’ve seen working. I told him the truth:

I don’t know that I can predict which marketplace will sell the best. But I do know of a formula for almost guaranteeing that a product you create will be a blockbuster.

It’s a secret I learned from master copywriter Gary Bencivenga. In Gary’s own words, great products are “those with a clear-cut, built-in, unique superiority supported by powerful proof elements.”

Now, this might sound obvious. Or maybe too abstract. So let me give you a few real-world examples of what “powerful proof elements” really mean in practice:

# 1. RealDose Nutrition is an 8-figure weight-loss supplement company that I’ve written for. Their main product is called Weight Loss Formula No. 1. It’s a combination of four ingredients, each of which has been shown in clinical studies to improve a different hormone related to weight loss.

​​RealDose sources their ingredients in the same way as in the clinical study and they use the same dosage (hence RealDose). At core, their marketing simply consists of saying, “Our product works, and here’s the science to prove it.”

# 2. Another supplement company I’ve written for is Vitality Now. The face of that company is Dr. Sam Walters, who at one point formulated nutrition bars for NASA.

​​Unfortunately, Vitality Now isn’t in the business of selling nutrition bars. If they were, they could make a killing simply by saying, “The same nutrition bars used by NASA!”

# 3. I’m currently going through a magalog written by another famous copywriter, Parris Lampropoulos. This magalog is for a boner pill called Androx. One of the ingredients in Androx is cordyceps — a mushroom from Tibet that was used at the emperor’s court in China for its libido properties.

​​Thanks to this, Parris can open up the sales message by talking about how the Emperor had to have sex with nine different women every night, and how this was the supplement that made it possible.

With products like these, which have such powerful proof elements built in, the marketing writes itself. Or as Gary Bencivenga put it:

“It’s your mission to come up with a product so inherently superior that, as soon as it’s effectively explained, demonstrated, or sampled, your prospects have no conclusion to draw except “I want it!”

I hope that’s the kind of product you’ve got (or are looking to make). And if that’s the case, and you just want good ways to explain and demonstrate to your buyers WHY your product really is superior, then you might like my upcoming book:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/