Copywriting

A legendary copywriter tells you where to shove your USP

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A few years back, I got hired to write a home page for an innovative company.

They were selling “European-style” windows to Americans.

These windows could be opened in all sorts of ways… they offered better sound and temperature insulation… and they looked hella European.

In other words, this was a superior product that would sell itself if described in detail.

So I wrote up the home page to explain the main advantages of these windows, and to back them up with facts.

“It’s ok,” the client said when I delivered the copy, “but I was hoping you could make the copy more like what I see in ads for Apple.”

This is one of my pet poofs.

I understand the temptation to want to imitate Apple. Apple products are everywhere, the company is hugely successful, and there’s a mystique to their marketing.

​​But none of those are reasons for a tiny business to try to ape Apple’s copywriting or advertising. ​​I think many of the arguments why are obvious, so I won’t drag on the point here.

I just wanted to bring this story up because of an interesting article I read recently.

The article was written by copywriting and marketing legend Mark Ford. Mark is one of the people responsible for making Agora the giant direct response business that it is today.

​​He’s also the author of many books on business and marketing and copywriting (including Great Leads, which I highly recommend).

Anyways, Mark was asked how copywriters should come up with a USP — a unique selling proposition — to help them position and market themselves.

After all, every business, even a one-man service business, needs a USP, right?

Maybe, and maybe not.

If you’re a copywriter — or you have any other kind of small business — then I think Mark’s article is worth a read.

It tells you where you can shove your USP, though of course Mark doesn’t use those words, because he’s a very classy man. Here’s the link to the article:

https://www.markford.net/2019/08/21/8720/

Beto O’Rourke illustrates clever Joe Sugarman idea

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I just listened to a discussion about how to structure an unusual sales letter.

The product on sale is a training video for an AR-15.

That’s a short-barrel assault rifle, in case you don’t know. I didn’t, so I had to look it up online.

A few minutes later, I went on Reddit. And I felt like I was having deja vu.

Because right there on the front page, there were two (countem: 2!) stories about Beto O’Rourke and AR-15s.

Apparently BO’ said something about revoking gun rights in the Dem debate last night.

And one Texas politician tweeted in response, “My AR-15 is ready for you.” (Which I guess you could take in two ways. The obvious, threatening way. Or the conciliatory, “You’re right Beto, come pick up my AR-15” kind of way.)

Anyways, this Beto catfight would make a perfect hook right now for an ad or an advertorial to precede that AR-15 sales letter.

And that’s a general thing you can try to do with all your promotions.

It doesn’t have to be the day’s fleeting news, and it doesn’t have to be as tightly connected to your product as Beto is to AR-15s.

It can also be general current trends that have nothing to do with you or your product.

For example, I remember reading how Joe Sugarman once wrote a press release for snowmobile rentals at a ski resort.

This was back in the late 1960s, when the Women’s Lib movement was dominating the news.

So Joe, intuitive marketing genius that he is, wrote a press release that said:

“Ski Resort Bans Women Snowmobile Drivers”

Why? Because they drive badly and cause accidents.

If I remember correctly, it caused a nationwide uproar. The ski resort was forced to revoke its female-centric ban. But during and after this whole uproar, snowmobile rentals also exploded at the resort.

Something to keep in mind if you’re trying to drum up publicity for your offer.

And if you’re running ads or advertorials, and you want more ideas besides tying them into current news, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Email outreach that smells worse than a wet dog

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There’s a bitch who lives downstairs from me named Lisa.

Lisa is usually sitting in the yard when I go out of the house.

Each time I see her, I pet her and give her a dog treat (she’s some kind of GSD mix).

Today however, Lisa got wet.

I don’t know how, because there was no rain. ​​

But ​t​he poor thing smelled like sewage mixed with a kelpy ocean breeze.

I tried to pet her as usual. No go. Then I tried with just two fingers. But she was really too repulsive.

​​”I’m sorry baby,” I told her. “Maybe when you dry off.”

When I got back home, I sat down to write a cold email.

This is to a potential new copywriting client.

And the Lisa lesson stayed in my mind and in my nose.

Because when you’re writing cold emails, it’s easy to smell worse than a wet, puffy dog. All you have to do is to reek of need.

I can’t describe how need smells, but it’s a very unique, very recognizable, and very repulsive aroma.

Fortunately, it’s a pretty easy smell to eliminate.

Simply eliminate the need and the smell goes with it.

“Yea John,” you might complain, “easier said than done.”

No, no. It’s really not that hard to get rid of need. I’ll talk about how in my upcoming guide on negotiating for freelancers. This will be one of the free bonuses to my revamped Upwork book.

If you want to get notified when this book and the free bonuses become available, you can sign up with your email here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

Crying over spilled copywriting projects

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I recently started work on a project that was doomed from the start.

As soon as the client sent over the product, I realized it is, frankly, shit.

So I wrote the client to say I could see two ways to move forward:

1) He could find somebody else to write the sales letter, or

2) He could improve the product

He responded defending the product. And saying how it’s not the copywriter’s job to worry whether the product is any good or not.

I don’t agree. And if you like, I’ll tell you why.

Reason 1 is the time and effort I put in. If I’m working on this project, I will not be working on other, more promising projects. An hour or two promoting something hopeless might be ok. A week or a month is too much, at least in my book.

Reason 2 is the question of a success story in my portfolio vs. a burning barn filled with screaming cattle, which I think this project would have turned into.

Reason 3, if you need it, is simply the ethics of helping sell something that’s below a basic standard of quality.

But anyways, I’m not here to cry over spilled copywriting milk.

I just want to suggest that, as a copywriter, you have a stake in the outcome of a project, even if you’re not getting paid royalties or getting a share of the revenues.

That’s one thing.

The other thing is a bit about negotiation.

Because this client fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

But only slightly less well known is this, “Never double down when you’re trying to convince somebody who has serious doubts.”

So was there a better negotiation strategy that this client could have used?

I believe so.

In fact, I think he could have sucked me back into working on this project, without making many real changes to the product itself.

I’m gonna go over this strategy in my upcoming guide to negotiating for freelancers (yes, freelancers can also learn something from a client’s mistakes).

This guide will be one of the free bonuses to go with my  revamped book on succeeding on Upwork. If you want to get notified when I finish this up and publish it, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

White jazz, the world’s deadliest hitman, and Prince’s text-speak

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I took a nap this afternoon and I never recovered.

So instead of my usual, valuable, and deadly dull post, here’s a list of 7 wonderful facts from all corners of the universe:

1. The word “jazz” was invented by white people. Many black jazz musicians in the 40s and 50s resented the term.

2. There’s an area in the Dominican Republic where men are born as girls and only transition to boys at age 12.

3. True story: A robber broke into a house, but he got distracted by a plate of brownies on the kitchen counter. He was finishing up the brownies when the family returned home. The robber ran out the back door and was never seen again.

4. The Xerox 914, the first photocopier, came with a fire extinguisher in case its heating elements set the paper alight.

5. Prince (the musician) used text-speak even when writing by hand. That’s probably how he wrote Nothing Compares 2 U.

6. The world’s deadliest hitman is thought to be one Julio Santana, a Brazilian with 500 kills to his name.

7. The fear of an electric shock is uncorrelated with the probability of receiving the shock. The mere possibility triggers the full-blown response.

You can’t make this kind of stuff up.

But you can write it down as you come across it.

And it makes sense to do so. Wonderful facts like these come in very useful during those long moments when you’re lacking any inspiration.

Anyways, if you need sales copy written, and if you need it now, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Not at the moment, at least.

But if you want to talk about how to write advertorials to promote wonderful or even weird products, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The Catch-22 of Jim Rutz

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“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”
Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I first read Catch-22 when I was 18.

I thought it was immensely funny. Not because it was filled with jokes (it’s not). But because each time I thought I had a grip on where the book was going, it slipped away from me and swam somewhere else.

And that’s very relevant for copywriting, too. As Jim Rutz, one of the most successful copywriters of all times, once wrote:

“You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy. This takes time and toil.”

I bet you know exactly how to surprise the reader.

And you know where to apply the time and toil that Rutz is talking about.

Because I just gave you a good clue, in  the quote above from Catch-22.

In case you don’t see the answer yet, read over the quote and it should become less and less obvious.

In the meantime, if you need surprisingly effective advertorial copy, the following might help you get a start:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

What copywriters and marketers should know about the new anti-aging breakthrough

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Here are a few quick facts:

Dr. Steve Horvath is a professor at UCLA.

He’s a researcher in the field of anti-aging.

A while back, he developed something called the “epigenetic clock”.

This clock is a highly accurate measure of how old your body really is vs. what your driver’s license says.

And now, according to a paper published just yesterday, Dr. Horvath has found a way to reverse the epigenetic clock.

In effect, he has reversed aging. Significantly. In humans.

Over the course of a year, Dr. Horvath gave a cocktail of three common drugs to a small group of people. And instead of having their epigenetic clock move forward by 1 year, these folks actually got younger by 2.5 years.

Pretty impressive. ​​

Now, it’s possible this will turn out to be a cute but irrelevant result that can’t be reproduced or built on.

But my own hunch is that this is a major breakthrough.

Partly, that’s because I’ve been hearing high praise of Steve Horvath for a long time, from reputable people in the anti-aging space.

Partly, it’s because aging clearly hasn’t been solved yet, in spite of all the talk of telomeres and inflammation and mitochondria.

But why bring this up in an email about copywriting and marketing?

Well, if my hunch is right, then get ready.

Because you will soon see lots of direct marketing offers (over the coming 2-3 years, I’d guess) that take advantage of this new research.

In other words, expect lots of offers and promotions — supplements, newsletters, webinars, courses — that talk about reversing the epigenetic clock.

Maybe you will even be the one to write the big new control based on this idea.

Why not?

Now that you know about it, it’s yours to use.

Or at least, it’s yours to keep in mind, as new research on this topic continues to surface.

But maybe you’re not writing big long-form sales letters. Maybe you’re writing advertorials and presell pages. In that case, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Vegan sheila sues BBQ neighbors, marketing truth emerges

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The Internet is tittering today because of some bizarre news from Down Undah:

Nearly 9,000 fun-loving Aussies are planning a massive BBQ in front of the house of some sheila who complained about the barbecued meat smells wafting over from her neighbors’ yard.

The woman in question is a vegan. She described her experience inhaling barbecued fish aroma as “devastating” and “turmoil.”

And though the neighbors tried to appease her in various ways, the vegan sheila would not be appeased.

Instead, she took her neighbors to court. Not once, not twice, but thrice.

She even submitted a 600-page appeal when her case was dismissed.

So now, in retribution, she’s getting the mass BBQ on her front lawn.

Along with the derision of an international brigade of Internet strangers, all of whom are calling her crazy and entitled.

Well, I don’t agree.

I don’t think this woman is crazy.

Or entitled.

I think she’s just very good at buying the lies she’s been told:

“It’s immoral to eat meat.”

​”Own your own home — it will be your castle!”

​”Victim of injustice? Don’t worry. The court system is here to help you.”

We’re all a little like that vegan sheila. We just fall for different sales pitches.

But given her level of ferociousness, this woman does seem to be a particularly good potential customer.

So I wish I had something good to sell her, which would help her in her current misery.

Ideally, that would be a fire-breathing vegan political candidate, one who vows to set to rights all the wrongs this anti-BBQ victim has experienced.

Unfortunately, I’m not doing any political consulting yet.

But the same insights, about disappointed hopes and the unending search for a better life, can be used in more traditional marketing as well. If you wanna see how, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

An ugly 8-point checklist for writing copy faster

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I read a story yesterday about energetic writer Georges Simenon.

Over the course of his life, Simenon put out almost 200 novels, over 150 novellas, and countless stories.

He wrote fast. And he wouldn’t allow himself to be interrupted while writing.

So one time, when Alfred Hitchcock called, he was told that Simenon was unavailable, because he’d just started writing a new novel.

“That’s all right,” said Hitchcock. “I’ll wait.”

I bring this up because some time last week, I wrote about the importance of writing fast for copywriters.

It’s not simply about whipping yourself to go faster, like a burdened and bleeding donkey that’s struggling up a hill.

No bleeding is required.

Because there are ways to write and finish copy faster, while actually producing better results and stressing less. Here are some of those ways, based on my experience:

#1. Minimize your commute

It’s exhausting to read a bit, to switch tabs, to write a bit, to switch tabs again — no, wrong tab — switch tabs again, read a bit…

​​It’s like commuting to work. It doesn’t pay, but it costs you.

Things that I’ve experimented with to minimize this commute include keeping a notebook and writing down ideas with pen and paper while I read on the laptop. Also, opening up new browser and text editor windows specifically for that one project, and staying within them while working on the project.

#2. Steal from the rich and give to the poor

Keep track of successful ads and promotions. And then use them to swipe lead ideas. Swipe headline structure. Swipe sales letter outlines. Look over your swipe file, pull out a dozen relevant ads, put them all in front of your face, and use them for inspiration.

#3. Let that turkey bake

Before you start jamming away at your keyboard, give your creative mechanism a bit of time and space to form some ideas. This might sound a bit woo-woo, but you’ll know when it’s time to start writing.

#4. Channel Jack Kerouac

Once the turkey has reached critical temperature, put your hands on the keyboard and write. Write fast, physically fast, without punctuation, indentation, fact checking, etc. Channel Jack Kerouac, who wrote On The Road, an xx-page novel [fill in later], in y days [fill in later].

#5. Be the hammer AND the anvil

Goethe wrote, “You must be either the servant or the master, the hammer or the anvil.” Well, I think you gotta do both. First give your orders and make your commands, without mercy. Then, follow your own orders and commands blindly, without thinking or doubting.

This is where checklists, templates, and systems come in. Don’t have ’em yet? Start right now, and define some systems and checklists for yourself. Then get to work, and update your checklists and systems based on your results.

#6. “It takes an early bird to get the best of a worm like me”

That’s a quote from the great movie Pillow Talk. And it’s appropriate because in this worm’s experience, it’s best to work in the mornings. The brain is just more productive. I’ve heard this from lots of copywriters as well. These days, my working day usually starts at 7:30am and finishes by 11:30am.

#7. All play and no work makes John a tired boy

I work for 45 minutes and then I take a 15 minute break. But those 45 minutes are devoted to the task I’m working on. If I can’t focus on work, then I simply stare at the laptop in contempt.

The reason I do this is NOT to be more productive, though that’s a nice side effect. The reason is that it’s exhausting to force myself to get back to work after I’ve been slacking off. And it drags out the whole project by much more than just the wasted time.

#8. Accept gifts from the deep

Coming up with ideas is hard. Particularly when working. On the other hand, my brain — or some deep, unconscious part of it — will often come up with ideas at random times throughout the day. So I write those ideas down whenever they come, and I use my working time for more menial, mechanical, and less creative work.

And that’s my 8-item checklist. I hope you will find it useful. And yes, I realize that 8 is an ugly number, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Of course, I will update this checklist when new ideas pop into my head.

Or when I start a new project, and I find that I’m still getting stuck and writing too slowly, even with this checklist in hand.

But more about that later. For now, if you want more checklists, specifically for writing story-based advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

“Hating freelancing right now”

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I’m still working on revamping my book about succeeding as a freelancer on Upwork. One part of what I’ll include is my answers to 64 high-level, “big obstacle” questions that freelancers, including those on Upwork, tend to run into regularly.

Such as the following question from Reddit:

“Back then when I started out to work online (Internet Marketing & SEO) I kinda enjoyed it a bit but nowadays after 3 years part-time and now 1 year full time I kinda hate it at all..

“What might be the reason for it? Just bcz I got some money on my bank account? I think that gives me some trust that I can just chill out.”

I’ve personally never hated freelancing. But I have hated myself as well as my life while freelancing.

I put this down to my bad tendency to blame myself rather than external factors. And if you think I’m humblebragging, I’m not. I genuinely think it’s good for your mental health in the long run if you can honestly say, “I would have been successful — if not for the damned rain.” If instead you say (like I do), “It’s my fault because I didn’t bring an umbrella, stupid stupid!” you will eat away at yourself too much, too soon.

Anyways, on to the question.

I don’t know what causes hate, whether of freelancing or of the freelancer and his life. But I do know what can work as a fix.

In my experience, it’s to keep experimenting with different techniques. Some ideas:

Work in tight routines.

Stop working in tight routines and allow yourself to work however much and whenever you want.

Take a change of scenery.

Take a break during the day and do something new to appreciate the fact that you have flexibility.

Keep looking to improve your skills and get more specialized and valuable.

Keep increasing your rates to make your life better and to challenge yourself.

Keep working on your own side projects that will both help you with freelancing and might have some value on their own.

None of these things is going to be THE ONE TRUE answer. But if you keep trying them all, and switching them up, you might just make your whole life better, in small but significant ways, in many different dimensions. And in time that will help you cope with tough times, because those will always come. But they don’t have to cause you to descend into spittle-ejecting hate.

So that’s my bit of pulpit beating for today.

If you have questions about freelancing or copywriting obstacles, you might like that book about Upwork I’m preparing. To get notified when I finish it up, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer