Copywriting

Polishing unfixably bad copy

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Today I found myself sitting on the floor, my notebook next to me, a bunch of index cards sprawled out all around.

I was working on a wooden first draft of a piece of sales copy.

However many times I attacked it, it wasn’t getting any better.

It practically screamed “amateur.”

And I imagined that if I ever wind up delivering this to the client, they will virtually crumple it up and throw it in my face.

In these kinds of moments, I remind myself of something I heard in an interview with Parris Lampropoulos.

Parris is one of the most successful copywriters working over the past few decades.

Even so, he doesn’t produce winning copy straight out the gate. Says Parris (I’m paraphrasing cause I can’t find the interview where I heard this):

“When I first sit down and write the bullets, I always think I’ve lost it. They’re terrible. Everybody will find out I’m a fraud. Then I rewrite the bullets once, and I think, maybe I will be able to get away with it. Third and fourth rewrite, they’re starting to look pretty damn good.”

So if somebody who’s as successful, proven, established, revered, and experienced as P-Lamp still gets feelings of doubt and sees his first draft as unfixable shit, then maybe you and I can also do the same.

As long as we also put in the work to, like Parris, rewrite the shit until it becomes surprisingly good.

Which is what I’m doing now.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

If you need some help writing immaculate advertorials (not straight out the gate, but with a bit of polishing), then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

17 good reasons to hit a woman

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I just watched a comedy special by a guy named Bill Burr.

He’s apparently one of the biggest comics in the world for the past 10 years, but since I’m like a hermit, I hadn’t heard of him until a few days ago.

Anyways, during the special, Bill dances on the razor’s edge for just over an hour.

He gets so close to incredibly divisive, controversial, and dangerous topics that it took my breath away.

“Black people never got the memo that you have to register your weapons.”

“Goldgigging whores are bringing down great men.”

“I’m not saying anybody should ever hit a woman, but you can’t deny there are good reasons. I can think of 17 of them right now.”

(By the way, I’m paraphrasing all of these bits, but that was the basic gist.)

I bring this up because comedy and copywriting have so much in common. And after listening and reading about copy and marketing for years, I now find I often get better ideas by watching comics, and listening to them analyze their work, than by listening to yet another copywriting seminar.

Now, there’s decades worth of work that goes into producing and polishing a comedy special like Bill Burr put out.

But some of the fundamentals are obvious.

And that’s what I want to point out today, for your benefit as well as my own.

Point 1: Think about where you stand. Bill Burr isn’t just saying things because they are shocking and provocative. He’s saying them because he genuinely believes them, at least in my impression. The thing is, even though he’s saying napalm-level-incendiary stuff, he’s thought through his point well enough, and he’s got enough good arguments (presented in a funny way), that you at least have to hear him out. And he definitely has your attention.

Point 2: Don’t back down. Once he says something crazy and provocative, there’s no weakness in Bill Burr. He has this grin on his face all the time, and even when he says, “I can think of 17 good reasons to hit a woman,” the grin doesn’t change. And neither does his delivery. Or the words he uses. Or his arguments. And that means that people who don’t agree with him don’t get an automatic chance to shut him down.

I think both of these points, though they are high-level, can be useful for marketers and copywriters as well.

Particularly if you’re putting out long-term marketing, such as daily emails, that go out to people who know you, rather than cold prospects.

But that’s not for everybody. If you don’t like playing that game, and you’d prefer simply talking benefits, and convincing cold prospects to buy from you, there’s good money to be made there. And in case you want some battle-tested ideas on how to write such copy, specifically in the form of advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Rejection therapy for copywriters

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A couple of years ago, a friend of mine got rich in crypto.

He started with a small investment. And in the space of a couple of months, he turned it into a small fortune. Then, slowly and painfully, he lost most of it as the crypto tide turned.

These days, even though the moment has passed, he can’t let crypto go.

“It’s rewired my reward circuitry,” he says.

So he obsessively continues to listen to crypto podcasts. He keeps checking the news. And he hopes against hope that he will be able to regain that rush he got when he made his fast crypto money.

Reward circuitry.

It’s a messed up thing.

In my personal case, the issue is that I’ve spent much too much time in school. And in school, there’s really only one reward system. Either you get the right answer (pat on the head), or you don’t (disappointed look).

The thing is, that’s not how the world works. It’s certainly not how copywriting works. And yet, because my reward circuitry has been wired up during my decades of formal education, that’s how I think.

So for example, I am writing a new lead for a VSL right now. And I submitted my ideas so far to the copywriting coach I’m working with.

He came back with various bits of feedback. Insightful stuff. Completely fair. And likely to help me write a much better finished product.

But that’s not what my initial reaction was.

My initial reaction was, “Oh no. It wasn’t the right answer. I didn’t get a pat on the head.”

The only way out I can think of is to consciously fight against this, and to try to rewire my reward circuitry by hand.

It’s kind of like that rejection therapy that was popular a few years back. Each day, you try to get somebody to tell you no.

“No, I can’t give you a ride home right now.”

“No, you can’t sit in my lap.”

“No, I won’t pay for your burrito.”

When somebody tells you no, that’s when you win. You’ve just accomplished your goal for the day.

What I have in mind is similar. Except the goal is to find a new takeaway that will help you make your copy better.

“Pat on the head? Thanks, but what I could really use is a pointer on how to tighten up this headline.”

When you do this, you win the game for that day. And over time, maybe even your reward circuitry will adapt. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

How to get rich selling socks to foot fetishists

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I just read that Will Singleterry is selling Reformed Roasters.

Never heard of either Will or Reformed Roasters? Here’s the pitch from the Reformed Roasters site:

“Ultra-Premium Coffee, Masterfully Roasted to the Glory of the One Most High”

From what I can tell, Reformed Roasters is Will’s ecommerce store selling coffee to Reformed Christians, which is some particular sect or segment of the larger faith. The company features blends like “Limited Atonement” and “Total Depravity.”

Altogether, it sounds like an unlikely business. But Will was apparently able to bring Reformed Roasters to $40k/month, within 2 months of starting.

And to that, all I can is HOSANNAH.

It shows just how crazy powerful it is to simply pick a dedicated group of people, create a relationship with them (Will would send them daily emails about religious doctrine, and sign off by saying “and if you want some caffeinated glory…”), and then sell them a consumable product.

In a way, this is the same thing that Alex Jones did with conspiracy theorists and supplements. And I’m sure many other small niche businesses are out there, under my radar, but raking in cash hand over hoof by doing the same thing.

So why can’t you do some version of this? Maybe you could try selling…

Socks to foot fetishists (“Andalusian Spree Muffs”)…

Toothpaste to Deadheads (“Dire Wolf Dentifrice”)…

Or hair gel to Twilight fans (“Solid Fanpire”).

It doesn’t really seem to matter what you sell. As long as you first take some kind of strong stand, or pick the right rabid subculture. Because as Jason Leister recently wrote:

“Why is it so effective to ‘stand for something?’ It’s effective because it helps your listeners/readers/subscribers make an easier decision about whether or not you belong in their life.”

Unfortunately, I don’t stand for anything yet. But I’m working on it.

​​In the meantime, if you’d like some copywriting glory, specifically in the advertorial format, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Minesweeping for copywriting clients

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I was talking to someone recently and I mentioned how I’d gotten off Upwork a few months ago.

“So how do you get clients now?” she asked.

I paused and thought. “I don’t really know.”

Well, I’ve thought about it a bit more. Here are the facts:

Since getting off Upwork, I’ve had some old clients get back in touch with new projects…

I’ve also had some referrals that turned into actual work…

And finally, I applied for and got one email writing job that was advertised within Ben Settle’s paid newsletter.

And while it’s been enough work (along with my ongoing clients) to keep me busy, I’d like to have a more steady drip-drip of new leads.

So I’ve taken the advice of several successful copywriters (Chris Orzechowski and Roy Furr), and I’ve started putting together a list of businesses I would like to write for.

The goal was to put together 50 such companies. I’ve been at it for about a month. And so far I have… 8.

In spite of the fact that good direct marketing companies should be easy to track down (they run ads, right?), I’m not finding it so easy to actually find them.

It’s kind of like that old game Minesweeper that used to come with Windows.

You click on one square, hoping it will open up a whole patch of the board that’s free of mines…

But it turns out to be just one stupid revealed square, with no extra information, and you’re back to where you started.

At least that’s how it feels for a while.

But if you keep it up (so I tell myself), the Minesweeper field starts to open up and you get a better idea of where those mines (ahem, clients) might be hiding.

(By the way, did you know that Minesweeper happens to be an NP-complete game? That’s a fancy computer science term that means Minesweeper is pretty damn complex. And that progress in the game probably won’t be linear, and might require going down some dead ends.)

Anyways, the point of all this is to inspire myself, and maybe you as well. Because if you keep putting in the work, eventually results will start to follow. Either that, or you land on a mine and blow off your foot. (Haha, nervously.)

Of course, maybe you’re not off Upwork. Maybe you’re just trying to get started there. (And why not? It’s a good place to get clients, and it worked well for me for years.) In that case, you might like this collection of the tricks and strategies I used while I was still on Upwork:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

A legendary copywriter tells you where to shove your USP

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A few years back, I got hired to write a home page for an innovative company.

They were selling “European-style” windows to Americans.

These windows could be opened in all sorts of ways… they offered better sound and temperature insulation… and they looked hella European.

In other words, this was a superior product that would sell itself if described in detail.

So I wrote up the home page to explain the main advantages of these windows, and to back them up with facts.

“It’s ok,” the client said when I delivered the copy, “but I was hoping you could make the copy more like what I see in ads for Apple.”

This is one of my pet poofs.

I understand the temptation to want to imitate Apple. Apple products are everywhere, the company is hugely successful, and there’s a mystique to their marketing.

​​But none of those are reasons for a tiny business to try to ape Apple’s copywriting or advertising. ​​I think many of the arguments why are obvious, so I won’t drag on the point here.

I just wanted to bring this story up because of an interesting article I read recently.

The article was written by copywriting and marketing legend Mark Ford. Mark is one of the people responsible for making Agora the giant direct response business that it is today.

​​He’s also the author of many books on business and marketing and copywriting (including Great Leads, which I highly recommend).

Anyways, Mark was asked how copywriters should come up with a USP — a unique selling proposition — to help them position and market themselves.

After all, every business, even a one-man service business, needs a USP, right?

Maybe, and maybe not.

If you’re a copywriter — or you have any other kind of small business — then I think Mark’s article is worth a read.

It tells you where you can shove your USP, though of course Mark doesn’t use those words, because he’s a very classy man. Here’s the link to the article:

https://www.markford.net/2019/08/21/8720/

Beto O’Rourke illustrates clever Joe Sugarman idea

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I just listened to a discussion about how to structure an unusual sales letter.

The product on sale is a training video for an AR-15.

That’s a short-barrel assault rifle, in case you don’t know. I didn’t, so I had to look it up online.

A few minutes later, I went on Reddit. And I felt like I was having deja vu.

Because right there on the front page, there were two (countem: 2!) stories about Beto O’Rourke and AR-15s.

Apparently BO’ said something about revoking gun rights in the Dem debate last night.

And one Texas politician tweeted in response, “My AR-15 is ready for you.” (Which I guess you could take in two ways. The obvious, threatening way. Or the conciliatory, “You’re right Beto, come pick up my AR-15” kind of way.)

Anyways, this Beto catfight would make a perfect hook right now for an ad or an advertorial to precede that AR-15 sales letter.

And that’s a general thing you can try to do with all your promotions.

It doesn’t have to be the day’s fleeting news, and it doesn’t have to be as tightly connected to your product as Beto is to AR-15s.

It can also be general current trends that have nothing to do with you or your product.

For example, I remember reading how Joe Sugarman once wrote a press release for snowmobile rentals at a ski resort.

This was back in the late 1960s, when the Women’s Lib movement was dominating the news.

So Joe, intuitive marketing genius that he is, wrote a press release that said:

“Ski Resort Bans Women Snowmobile Drivers”

Why? Because they drive badly and cause accidents.

If I remember correctly, it caused a nationwide uproar. The ski resort was forced to revoke its female-centric ban. But during and after this whole uproar, snowmobile rentals also exploded at the resort.

Something to keep in mind if you’re trying to drum up publicity for your offer.

And if you’re running ads or advertorials, and you want more ideas besides tying them into current news, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Email outreach that smells worse than a wet dog

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There’s a bitch who lives downstairs from me named Lisa.

Lisa is usually sitting in the yard when I go out of the house.

Each time I see her, I pet her and give her a dog treat (she’s some kind of GSD mix).

Today however, Lisa got wet.

I don’t know how, because there was no rain. ​​

But ​t​he poor thing smelled like sewage mixed with a kelpy ocean breeze.

I tried to pet her as usual. No go. Then I tried with just two fingers. But she was really too repulsive.

​​”I’m sorry baby,” I told her. “Maybe when you dry off.”

When I got back home, I sat down to write a cold email.

This is to a potential new copywriting client.

And the Lisa lesson stayed in my mind and in my nose.

Because when you’re writing cold emails, it’s easy to smell worse than a wet, puffy dog. All you have to do is to reek of need.

I can’t describe how need smells, but it’s a very unique, very recognizable, and very repulsive aroma.

Fortunately, it’s a pretty easy smell to eliminate.

Simply eliminate the need and the smell goes with it.

“Yea John,” you might complain, “easier said than done.”

No, no. It’s really not that hard to get rid of need. I’ll talk about how in my upcoming guide on negotiating for freelancers. This will be one of the free bonuses to my revamped Upwork book.

If you want to get notified when this book and the free bonuses become available, you can sign up with your email here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

Crying over spilled copywriting projects

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I recently started work on a project that was doomed from the start.

As soon as the client sent over the product, I realized it is, frankly, shit.

So I wrote the client to say I could see two ways to move forward:

1) He could find somebody else to write the sales letter, or

2) He could improve the product

He responded defending the product. And saying how it’s not the copywriter’s job to worry whether the product is any good or not.

I don’t agree. And if you like, I’ll tell you why.

Reason 1 is the time and effort I put in. If I’m working on this project, I will not be working on other, more promising projects. An hour or two promoting something hopeless might be ok. A week or a month is too much, at least in my book.

Reason 2 is the question of a success story in my portfolio vs. a burning barn filled with screaming cattle, which I think this project would have turned into.

Reason 3, if you need it, is simply the ethics of helping sell something that’s below a basic standard of quality.

But anyways, I’m not here to cry over spilled copywriting milk.

I just want to suggest that, as a copywriter, you have a stake in the outcome of a project, even if you’re not getting paid royalties or getting a share of the revenues.

That’s one thing.

The other thing is a bit about negotiation.

Because this client fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

But only slightly less well known is this, “Never double down when you’re trying to convince somebody who has serious doubts.”

So was there a better negotiation strategy that this client could have used?

I believe so.

In fact, I think he could have sucked me back into working on this project, without making many real changes to the product itself.

I’m gonna go over this strategy in my upcoming guide to negotiating for freelancers (yes, freelancers can also learn something from a client’s mistakes).

This guide will be one of the free bonuses to go with my  revamped book on succeeding on Upwork. If you want to get notified when I finish this up and publish it, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book

White jazz, the world’s deadliest hitman, and Prince’s text-speak

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I took a nap this afternoon and I never recovered.

So instead of my usual, valuable, and deadly dull post, here’s a list of 7 wonderful facts from all corners of the universe:

1. The word “jazz” was invented by white people. Many black jazz musicians in the 40s and 50s resented the term.

2. There’s an area in the Dominican Republic where men are born as girls and only transition to boys at age 12.

3. True story: A robber broke into a house, but he got distracted by a plate of brownies on the kitchen counter. He was finishing up the brownies when the family returned home. The robber ran out the back door and was never seen again.

4. The Xerox 914, the first photocopier, came with a fire extinguisher in case its heating elements set the paper alight.

5. Prince (the musician) used text-speak even when writing by hand. That’s probably how he wrote Nothing Compares 2 U.

6. The world’s deadliest hitman is thought to be one Julio Santana, a Brazilian with 500 kills to his name.

7. The fear of an electric shock is uncorrelated with the probability of receiving the shock. The mere possibility triggers the full-blown response.

You can’t make this kind of stuff up.

But you can write it down as you come across it.

And it makes sense to do so. Wonderful facts like these come in very useful during those long moments when you’re lacking any inspiration.

Anyways, if you need sales copy written, and if you need it now, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Not at the moment, at least.

But if you want to talk about how to write advertorials to promote wonderful or even weird products, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/