Copywriting

All that clients really want

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During a bus ride today between two Balkan superpowers, I was surprised to see the bus driver roll down his window, take out a pack of Marlboro’s, and light one. He smoked his cigarette and then tossed the butt out the window.

When a car on the road wasn’t driving fast enough, the bus driver started tailgating. He cursed and talked to himself at full volume. Once he could pass, he honked at the other car for five seconds to show his disgust.

But neither of those made me nervous. What did make me nervous was when the driver took out his phone and started texting at 60 mph. Every so often, he looked up to course correct as the bus listed on the highway to the left or the right.

And yet, nothing bad happened. No crash. No run-over animals or people. We even made it pretty much on time, after you factor in the extra half hour at the border for everyone to get corona throat-swabbed.

If I ever have to make the same trip again… I guess I might go with the same company. After all, they got me to my destination, and they got me there on time.

Maybe you see where this is going.

A couple days ago, I saw a question online about the “ideal copywriter.” If copywriting clients could create their ideal copywriting provider… how would that look?

This brought to mind something I heard A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos say. According to Parris, clients only want three things from a copywriter:

1. He should get results
2. He should deliver copy on time
3. He should be pleasant to work with

If you have all three of these, you’re golden. But two of the three is good enough, says Parris. You just gotta be “damn strong” in those other two.

“Sure,” your client might say, “he did come into our office cursing and smoking. He did insult the secretary and put out his cigarette on our carpet. But he also actually got us the copy in time… and it made us good money. I guess we will hire him again.”

Now if you don’t deliver your copy on time, I’m afraid I can’t help you.

But if all you’re missing is knowledge of how to get results with your copy, then my daily email newsletter might be what you need. It’s all about lessons in copywriting and persuasion, coming from legendary pros like Parris, filtered through my own experience. If you’d like to try it out, click here to sign up.

Beware “win-win-win”

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The hair stands up on the back of my neck whenever I hear the phrase “win-win-win.” And I’ve hearing it more and more often.

“It’s a real win-win-win situation…”​​

I guess that’s how markets evolve. First we had “win-win,” as in, “win-win negotiation.” Once that became old hat, marketers had to crank it up — hence the rise of “win-win-win.”

The reason I am wary of this phrase is because I’ve read Jim Camp’s negotiation book Start with No. And one of Camp’s big enemies is win-win. That’s just a clever name, Camp says, for fear- and compromise-based negotiation.

According to Camp, win-win negotiation is not principled… it’s not in your best interest… and if somebody is pushing it on you, you’re about to get flayed alive.

But maybe you think this is crazy. Maybe you think that “win-win” is great, and that “win-win-win” is even better. So here’s a quote by one very famous and successful copywriter, John Carlton:

Nearly every biz transaction is an inherently hostile situation.

Behind the smiles and back-slapping and promises of “working for the common good” between, say, a freelancer (or consultant) and a client…

… the freelancer actually wants to do as little work as possible for the maximum possible money…

… while the client wants to bleed every ounce of productivity from the writer for the least outlay of cash.

John uses the terms “veiled teeth-baring” and “primal snarling dance” to describe the reality of business interactions.

That’s certainly one way to do it. But I don’t think it’s the only way.

And if you want to know how to handle business situations in a way that’s neither snarling nor based in fear, then Camp’s book is worth a read. Or two. Or three.

Or you can just subscribe to my daily email newsletter. I’m no Jim Camp. But I’ve read his stuff, and it’s near to my heart. And while my newsletter is mainly about marketing and persuasions, sometimes I also write about the business of copy.

Maybe that doesn’t appeal to you. But in the odd case that it does, you can subscribe to get my emails by clicking here.

Heartbroken boy turns ecommerce vigilante

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“This dog seat belt was created by a grieving dog owner…
He was heartbroken after his best friend didn’t recover…
‘Rosco was in the back seat when we had a serious car crash’
So he decided to join a star product designer…
To create a revolutionary car safety device for dogs…
This is the story of Bruce Wayne and Lucius Fox”

A short while ago, I wrote about a Facebook ad format that’s working right now for selling ecommerce products.

The ad consists of stock footage video clips, overlaid with subtitles that tell a story.

But what story?

Well, for the stuff my client sells… it’s an, ahem, invented founder story. You can see the start of one above.

But here’s the thing. These are not just any founders. These are superhero founders. I mean that seriously.

For example, the ad above is channeling Batman — somebody with a crushing personal tragedy… delivering vigilante justice. (The real ad didn’t use Bruce Wayne as the name.)

I’ve also seen other advertisers channel:

1) Iron Man (“This Japanese billionaire marshaled his immense engineering skill and industrial resources to create a really comfortable pillow”)

2) Spider-Man (“This precocious-yet-typical teenager set out to save the world by inventing a silicone kitchen sponge”)

3) The Hulk (“This mild-mannered but brilliant scientist was transformed by an explosion and now MUST SMASH FREEZER BURN”)

My point is twofold:

First, if you’re selling stuff on Facebook, these superhero video ads are worth a try.

Second, whatever copy you’re writing (or having others write), it is always worth going back to story archetypes. ​​If a story template has proven itself decade after decade, century after century, odds are good you can use it to sell more dog seat belt – or whatever your vigilante justice leads you to sell.

Want more exciting coming book storylines for your marketing? You might like my daily email newsletter. Click here to subscribe.

You’ve been lied to

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You’ve been lied to — by every movie and every copywriting guru who ever caught your attention.

Let me explain.

Today I watched a Guy Ritchie movie about King Arthur. I was surprised to find I liked this movie… but I want to warn you about it nonetheless.

At the start of the movie there’s a montage as Arthur, orphaned, goes from a boy getting beaten up, living in a brothel… to a slightly older boy, still getting beaten up, still living in a brothel… to a young man, still living in a brothel but no longer getting beaten up… and finally to a full-grown man, muscular and handsome, who runs a criminal gang in medieval Londinium, while still living at a brothel.

The entire sequence takes maybe 45 seconds.

And that’s what I want to warn you about.

It’s not just this one movie. All movies, TV shows, documentaries, anything you see on a screen… they collapse our sense of time. And along with it, they collapse our expectations of the boredom, frustration, pain, and doubt we will experience during that time.

I bring this up because the past six months have been pretty wild for me and my copywriting career.

I’ve broken through long-standing earnings plateaus, and I’m finally earning the money that copywriting gurus promise is possible.

Potential clients now contact me each week — without my pitching them at all.

Even my daily emails are getting traction. A number of people wrote me over the past month to say they like and appreciate what I write… and some have even bought the little offers I put out.

But maybe you’re curious what happened six months ago to make my life so brag-worthy today.

The answer is nothing. At least as far as I can tell.

For years, I’ve been trying to do a good job each day, and to get better through practice and study. I guess my internal and external assets finally built up to some critical level, and results followed.

And if it’s starting to feel a little stuffy in this church…

Let me say I’m not trying to give you a sermon about hard work.

All I want to point out is that you’ve been lied to, by people who meant to lie to you, and by those who just wanted to entertain you.

Real life isn’t a montage. ​​There’s nothing wrong with you if you experience boredom, frustration, pain, and doubt on the way to accomplishing any goal.

Success requires time, effort, and patience. But that’s something nobody in the copywriting (or entertainment) world is selling.

So watch King Arthur. It’s a fun and inventive movie. But don’t believe it for a second — or 45.

Speaking of entertainment and lies:

If you are worried that you’ve reached the end of this post, you might like my daily email newsletter. To give it a try, click here.

The first millennial saint and the miracle of concreteness

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Carlo Acutis, born 1991, died 2006, was beatified today by the Catholic Church.

The next step is for Acutis to be made a saint — the first millennial saint, if God and Church will it.

So what’s the story?

Acutis lived a pretty holy life before dying of leukemia at age 15. He worked to help the poor… he defended the rights of the disabled… he documented Eucharistic miracles and used his programming skill to make a website that catalogued them.

But that’s not what got him beatified. Instead, it took a literal miracle.

As you might know, when the pharisees came to Jesus to ask for a sign of his divinity… Jesus scorned them and sent them away.

But the Catholic Church doesn’t operate like that.

The Catholic Church requires you to perform a documented miracle in order to be beatified… and two if you want to become a saint. (Acutis supposedly helped a Brazilian boy get healed of a pancreatic defect.)

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to harp on the Catholic Church or to nitpick whether they’re consistent with the words of Jesus.

I simply want to point out that if, like the Catholic Church, you want to appeal to everyone (and the Catholic Church does, it’s right there in the name)…

Then you can’t be as dismissive as Jesus was when people ask you for a sign.

Because the multitudes need miracles… they need signs… or if you want to put it into persuasion and influence terms, they need concreteness.

Listing logical reasons and abstract arguments… that’s hard to people to get a grasp on. But giving demonstrations, showing case studies, or just citing specifics… well, that can be miraculously persuasive.

Perhaps you find all this blasphemous. Perhaps you feel that not every decent human act needs to be a lesson about persuasion and manipulation. In that case, you definitely won’t be interested in my daily email newsletter.

On the other hand, if you were not offended by the discussion above and you want to get on that newsletter… then click here.

 

Confessions of a name-dropping titan

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“Bejako won’t be going on the field trip.”

It was my high school photography teacher, calling my mom on the phone. He was taking our photography class down to D.C. to visit some art gallery.

“Young Bejako is currently failing a class,” the teacher explained, “and unfortunately that means he can’t go on any school field trips.”

My mom turned white and looked at me.

“Which class is he failing?” she asked.

It was English. I was failing English in 11th grade. I hated everything they told me to do and I refused to do it.

Flash cards for notes? Outlines? Supporting quotes and references?

Hell no.

The irony is that, now that I’m finally out of the school system and its awful English classes, and now that I write for money, I voluntarily do all the things they once forced me to do.

I take notes and I write them up on flash cards. I spend most of my time on a project outlining. And I will refer to sources and references like crazy.

As for that last one, a reader named Robert wrote in yesterday to say:

“You sir, are a name-dropping titan. ‘Name-dropers’ are what copywriting and copywriters need. Knowing what material to listen to, read, watch, by who and who not… Man, that’s half the battle.”

Thing is, Robert actually jabbed me into a sore spot. Because I quote and refer to experts and authorities too much.

The reason I do it is that it’s a cheap way to get proof. For example, my recent book, The 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters, gets its credibility from the names I drop therein.

But all that name-dropping doesn’t come without a cost. In fact the problem is twofold.

For one thing, there are other, more powerful ways to prove a point, such as illustrations, analogies, demonstrations, and case studies. And relying too much on authority means that I (and perhaps you) am not doing that work and getting the benefits of those more powerful modes of proof.

The second problem is more insidious.

And it’s that all this name-dropping means that I myself am not an authority. Not in my readers’ eyes necessarily, but in my own.

It’s what school tried to teach me, or beat into me, all those years ago. And that’s a shame.

And that’s basically the point I want to leave you with. Learning is great. But be careful not to become too reliant on authority opinion for your thoughts — which is what happens to me.

By the way, I’ve been reading an author who opened my eyes to this recently. I could point you to who he is… but just for today, I will hold off.

And if you want more of my ideas on copywriting, marketing, and learning — and occasional name dropping — you might like to sign up to my daily email newsletter.

On writing badly

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“Don’t fight such a current if it feels right. Trust your material if it’s taking you into terrain you didn’t intend to enter but where the vibrations are good. Adjust your style accordingly and proceed to whatever destination you reach. Don’t become a prisoner of a preconceived plan. Writing is no respecter of blueprints.”

I’m re-reading William Zinsser’s book On Writing Well. I don’t like this book. I have several reasons why, but one is that I don’t like the style.

The passage above is one example. It comes from a chapter on “unity.” That’s what Zinsser calls being consistent with your pronouns, your tense, and your mood. But…

It seems no one told William Zinsser about being consistent with your imagery. So in the passage above, the reader is first floating on a body of water (current). Then he’s on hard land (terrain) or perhaps a volcano (vibrations). Suddenly, he seems to be in trouble with the law (a prisoner) and finally he’s building a house (blueprints).

My point is that a lot of the “rules” of writing well, even by supposed authorities like Zinsser, don’t mean much. A good writer can break these rules. So can a mediocre writer.

My advice, in case you want it, is to not worry about the rules of “good” writing. Instead, spend your energy on looking for something new or unique to say. And if you don’t know where to find such stuff, then start with what’s already been written by others — “On Writing Well” — and turn it on its head.

At least that’s what I do. Each day, I write a few hundred words like this. My goal is to say something new or unique about writing, persuasion, and marketing.

I’ve got an email newsletter where I publish these daily essays. In case the vibrations are good and you want to reach the destination of being subscribed to this newsletter, then click here and float down the current it leads you to.

A real-life Joker triggered my Spidey sense today

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I had a surreal experience today:

I heard a well-known, madly successful guru tell his origin story in a semi-private setting. It all sounded very credible except — only a few days earlier, I had heard him tell the same origin story in another semi-private setting. And the critical details were completely different.

It felt like the scene in The Dark Knight, where the Joker explains how he became the Joker because his daddy cut him up when he was a kid… and then a while later in the movie, he says he became the Joker because he slashed himself up with a razor blade to please his wife.

I’m not sure if the guru in question really was lying. But it’s certainly possible.

Because there are genuine psychos in the business world. And my guess is they are over-represented in the rogues’ gallery of successful gurus, particularly in various marketing and “make money” niches.

Only, unlike in comic books, these real-life psychos don’t dress like the Joker and don’t telegraph their psychopathy with a mad grin. Quite the opposite. As copywriter John Carlton once wrote:

“First, don’t get fooled by people with impeccable manners and loads of charm. I’ve run into more than my share of sociopaths in life, and I’ve actually enjoyed being around them (before I realized what I was dealing with)… These hard-core mofo’s are tough to identify, because they’re good at lying… and good at telling you what they think you want to hear. They’re like ‘Human Whisperers’… they observe humans the way horse whisperers observe and get into the heads of horses… and they can be very, very good at passing themselves off as caring, loving people.”

I’m certainly not telling you to become paranoid and suspicious of everyone you meet.

But when it comes to people who sell online, it’s good to remember that your instincts for who’s trustworthy and who’s not can be manipulated. Perversely, the more quickly and instinctively you trust an online personality, the more your Spidey sense (Batman signal? — apologies for mixing comic book universes) should be going off.

Anyways, here’s another tip:

It’s hard to maintain a psycho facade after a lot of contact over a long period of time. Therefore, if you want to demonstrate your non-psychopathy, one way to do that is to communicate regularly with your audience.

Which is one reason why I write a daily email newsletter, mostly about persuasion, marketing, and manipulation — for psychopaths or not. If you’re interested in trying this newsletter out, click here.

Today’s magic announcement

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“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
— Arthur C. Clarke

Maybe you heard today’s news:

This year’s Nobel Prize for chemistry is going to UC Berkeley professor Jennifer Doudna for her 2011 discovery of the CRISPR/Cas9 mechanism.

From what I understand, CRISPR is a set of “genetic scissors” that allow you to turn an elephant into a mouse, and a mouse into a louse. In other words, it’s pure magic.

I don’t doubt CRISPR works or that it might one day cure HIV, Huntington’s disease, or sickle cell anemia. But the fact is, I have no idea how it works. On a deep level, I never will. And yet, I’m incredibly excited to read about it, and marvel at the sorcery that is possible today.

My point in bringing this up is something I heard copywriter Parris Lampropoulos say once:

We all believe in magic in one form or another.

Maybe it’s your brand of religion… maybe it’s 34th-century science like CRISPR… maybe it’s karma or vibrations or Wicca or whatever.

But one way or another, human beings want magic in their lives.

They don’t want mundane solutions that improve things a reasonable amount. They want magic — a button to push or a wand to wave or a pill to swallow — which will achieve the impossible, and thrill them in the process.

You might think that’s a tall order. But it’s a good target to shoot for, if you’re in the business of selling people what they want.

Speaking of which:

If you’re looking to be thrilled and surprised, every day, then you might like my email newsletter. To make it magically appear in your inbox, simply click here and fill out the form which pops up out of nowhere.

Surviving the Straits of Upwork with a little help from Pelorous John

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There was once a dolphin nicknamed Pelorous Jack.

For 30 years, he guided ships through a dangerous sea passage around one of the islands of New Zealand.

At one point, some scabby sailor tried to shoot Jack with a rifle. Jack survived, and he kept helping ships find their way to safety.

​​But not that ship, the one the sailor tried to shoot him from. That one sank after shipwrecking in Cook Strait. Which you might interpret a lesson about not spitting on free help or tossing away golden opportunities.

Anyways, I would like to propose I be your Pelorous Jack, I mean John, guiding you through the dangerous Straits of Upwork.

As you might know, I got my copywriting start on Upwork. I even wrote a book about my experiences. It tells how I got all the work I wanted (I didn’t want too much) and how I eventually charged $150/hr for that work.

But I’m not here to pitch you this book.

Instead, I want to tell you about an article I’ve put up on my site. It’s about my method for applying to Upwork jobs using stupid-simple, 3-sentences proposals.

If you’re on Upwork, or even if you’re not but you’re pitching clients somewhere else, then Pelorous John can help you navigate to richer waters.

So don’t be a scabby and ungrateful sailor. Take your opportunities when they are given, and if you want help getting freelance jobs, set sail to the link below:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-proposal-sample/