Copywriting

My #1 favorite editing tool

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Do you ever have a turkey on your table, a tired, beat-up, ugly old bird… but you still try your damnedest to turn it into a powerful and proud eagle?

You know what I mean:

You squint at the turkey, you look at it from the left and the right…

You primp the tail feathers a little to make the thing seem bigger and healthier than it is…

You tuck in that wattle to give your bird a more raptor-like profile… and then you watch with disappointment as the saggy skin expands again…

You’ve had all this happen, right?

Well, I’ve definitely had it happen. All the time. In fact it happened just last night.

Last night, I spent an embarrassing amount of time to write today’s email. This involved much research and thinking and shuffling of possible things I could say. The basic idea was an old personal story, which I was hoping to tie into a specific copywriting moral I had in mind.

And so there I was, tilting my head to the left, squinting a little, and trying to smile.

“It’s almost there,” I said to myself. “Just tuck in this saggy bit… fluff up up the end part here… and it will be great.”

But then, in a moment of weakness or maybe luck, I took a break. I checked my inbox. It turned I had an email myself — another copywriter’s newsletter.

“Let me just read it,” I said. “Maybe it will help me finish my own email.”

The other copywriter is someone I won’t name to protect my pride. But perhaps you’ll be able to guess who I have in mind.

His newsletter yesterday was making fun of people who tell lifeless stories as a way of drawing an uninspired moral.

He even included a short sample email he’d whipped up just to mock the kind of tired stuff he had in mind.

I shifted in my seat. I swallowed. Slowly, I took this mocking, fake email from the other copywriter’s newsletter… and I put it side by side with the email I was planning to send out. In parallel, I ran down both pages:

Same saggy wattle… check.

Same bony, unmuscled carcass… check.

Same scraggly tail feathers… check.

No, it wasn’t the exact same bird. But it was definitely the same species.

Which brings me to my copywriting moral, or rather, a piece of advice I keep repeating to myself.

I keep repeating it because I keep forgetting it, and I waste a ton of time as a result. Perhaps my reminder will be useful to you as well:

In my experience, the most powerful editing tool is the backspace key.

If a phrase, sentence, paragraph, section, or even entire email isn’t quite willing or able to fly, right now, as it is, without primping and massaging… then out it goes. The sooner, the better.

I have much, much more to write on this topic. In fact, I did write much more. And then, I threw it out. Trust me, this turkey — I mean this email — is better off for it.

“That’s fine for today,” I hear you say. “But what about tomorrow? Will that bird fly?”

I can’t say for sure. If you want to give it a try, you can join the club here.

A simple habit for enjoying yourself at parties and inventing almost irresistible offers

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Today I want to tell you how to enjoy yourself at every party you go to from now on… and how to come up with offers that your market is 98% sure to love.

Let me set it up with a bit of drama:

A few days ago, a friend I have from my decade of living in Budapest, Hungary, forwarded me a screenshot of the following Instagram post.

The post was written by a Lainey Molnar, a Hungarian illustrator now living in the Netherlands.
​
​Lainey became an Internet star recently because of her “women empowerment” illustrations.

As an Internet star, she was fielding some Internet questions recently. One question was why so many Hungarians choose to move away from the motherland and live abroad.

​​Lainey responded:

​Because the mentality is simply unbearable for anyone who aspires for a healthy psyche (and let’s not get stared on the political system, we already clocked in like 12 years with a Trump before Trump)

It’s a culture of mediocrity, always dragging everyone down. They’re jealous, petty, always blame everyone else for everything, They constantly gossip, meddle, and walk over others for gain. Brrrrr, I can’t stand being there for more than a few weeks.

So here’s what got through my skull:

If Hungarians really are as miserable of a people as Lainey makes them out to be — not true in my experience — then going by the tone of her two paragraphs above… she sounds like a perfect Hungarian, whether she lives in Amsterdam or Budapest.

And that’s my point for you today:

Whatever the apparent topic of conversation, people are almost always talking about themselves.

Once you realize this, you can have fun at every party, just by listening to others and asking yourself… what is this guy really saying? What is he revealing about himself that he doesn’t mean to?

And same thing with your customers and prospects.

Everything they say about you… your competition… the world at small and at large… is mostly about them.

And just by listening or, as Ben Settle likes to say, reading between the lines, you can get a lot of valuable intel. Intel you can use to inform your marketing and your offers… and give people what they truly want — even if they could never express it directly.

At this point in my emails, I usually like to take the core idea I am talking about and do a demonstration. But today, we can do the opposite.

If you like, you can probably read this very email, and find I am talking about myself. Maybe in ways that I didn’t even mean to expose, some perhaps quite negative.

So if you have some insights that you’ve gleaned about my personality through this email or other emails… and if you want to shock me with them, I am here, ready.

Just write me directly and fire away with your piercing observations. Do it for me. And do it because you will be starting a habit which will benefit you for years in your personal and business life.

Exciting copywriting breakthrough from an unlikely source

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A few days ago, I had an absolute breakthrough.

It started when an unpromising-looking email landed in my inbox. It was the newsletter of a copywriter whose emails I’ve tried reading in the past, unsuccessfully.

It didn’t look like this email would change things. It had a preachy subject line — and I lingered over the delete button for a moment.

“Uff, it’s your job,” I said to myself. “Just read the damn thing. The guy is obviously successful at what he does. Maybe he will surprise you.”

So I clicked to open the email.

And a kind of warm light descended upon me.

Pieces of copywriting knowledge, which had floated around in my head for years, without meaning or purpose… finally snapped together to form one magnificent Voltron-like insight.

Suddenly, the most elusive and profitable kind of front-end marketing — selling premium-priced supplements to cold Facebook traffic — became clear and simple.

I’m not sure why I had to wait for this email to have this insight. After all, I myself have had success writing front-end copy for cold Facebook traffic, including for supplements.

Perhaps it was this guy’s authority on the topic.

Right now, he has the respect, attention, and endorsement of the best of the best in this field.

​​I’m talking about the most successful copywriters out there, like Craig Clemons (who cofounded the billion-dollar Golden Hippo family of brands, and who even gulled Joe Rogan into sharing a VSL as a real documentary)…

… ​​and Dan Ferrari (who had a string of controls for the Motley Fool and Agora Financial, and who I got copy coaching from a few years back).

So maybe it’s authority.

Or maybe it was the way this email phrased it. Sometimes, a few words can make all the difference. And really, it was just one five-word sentence in that email that set off the breakthrough in my mind.

So what was the sentence? And will it set off a similar breakthrough in your mind?

Well, if you’d like to find out, then I’ll tell you that the copywriter in question is Stefan Georgi.

If you subscribe to my newsletter, odds are good you also subscribe to Stefan’s. So if you want to attempt your own copywriting breakthrough… just search your emails for “greens powder,” and Stefan’s December 2 email will pop up. The five-word sentence that I mentioned is the heading to point 2 in that email.

And if you’re not subscribed to Stefan’s list, you’ve got two options:

Option one is to simply read over my email today a little more carefully. Because I’ve got a habit of implementing good marketing ideas in my own emails, and today is no exception.

Option two is to go to Stefan’s site, jump through a few hoops, and get on his list.

After all, the guy is one of the most successful direct marketers and copywriters out there right now. It only makes sense to keep tabs on him.

Plus, it seems like he’s genuinely helpful, and if you ask him for a copy of his December 2 email, I imagine he would oblige. If you want to give it a try, here’s where to get started:

https://www.stefanpaulgeorgi.com/about/

My second brush with death

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A few days ago, I sent out an email about a girl who secretly reminded me of a bear — in all the best ways. After I sent that email out, I posted it to my site as a blog post… and then I got the following message:

“A bear huh wtf!”

It turns out that every few months, this girl checks on me via my blog. And thanks to famous female intuition, she picked just the right day, with just the bear story right at the top.

As soon as I saw her message, I spun around and looked at my front door. A thin, half-inch board of plywood.

A cold sweat ran down my back. I imagined her showing up at my door at any moment… and with one mighty swipe, tearing it off its hinges and— well, I should be careful what I say. She might be reading.

So let me switch gear:

Yesterday, I wrote about my more real recent brush with death — a car that fell out of the sky in front of me.

When I wrote that email, I hadn’t yet thought of any clear marketing takeaway for you.

Well, I’ve since thought of an obvious and powerful takeaway. And since it goes just as well with the topic of today’s email, I’ll share this idea with you now.

This marketing idea was a revelation to me when I first heard it. That’s why I even included it as Commandment IV in my 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

The commandment is simply to give an occasion to your promotion. Give the reader an excuse to buy by answering the question, “Why am I hearing about this now?”

Of course, crap, transparently false occasions won’t do much and can even hurt you. (“Oh no! We’ve overstocked our warehouse again! Tee hee, so naughty we are! Oh well, time for a sale…”)

But if you can make your occasion feel real — cars falling out of the sky, a furious girl on a rampage — then you might have yourself a sales multiplier.

That’s one reason why I think Daniel Throssell’s Black Friday campaign this year did so well.

His feud with Matt Bockenstette gave it an occasion and made it feel real. People are starved for things that feel real, and so this feud made people pay attention and maybe gave them an excuse to buy.

And that’s the key point. Maybe, an excuse to buy.

Because I’ve seen so many successful and competent marketers lately… gnashing their online teeth and shaking their online jowls. “That Throssell character! And his shameless controversy seeking! Rrrr… rrreprehensible!”

I don’t know what this reaction is about.

It could be some honor among thieves thing. “Of course we want to agitate the shit out of our prospects — it’s ultimately good for them. But come on, not when we’re the prospects!”

Or perhaps it’s just shortsightedness. Thinking that Daniel somehow cheated his way to a big win.

I don’t doubt the occasion of the feud helped. But it would have multiplied a big fat zero had Daniel not had by far the best offer… and a relationship with his audience that’s tighter than anything I’ve personally ever seen.

And if you’re wondering what my stake is in all this:

Daniel’s been generous to me and we are on good terms. But perhaps you can believe me when I say I’m not shilling for him.

In part, because he doesn’t need me to.

In part, because I have my own offers to promote.

Well, that’s not really true. All I have is one single, tiny offer.

Because while my Influential Emails training is wrapped up for now… while Copy Riddles is in the hangar, getting spit-shined for its January 2022 flight… and while I work on new offers that I will launch over the coming months…

All I really have on offer is my tiny Kindle book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

Among other things, this book will give show you A-list occasions, done right.

And speaking of which, if you haven’t bought this book yet, I’d appreciate if you’d do it now. I could really use the money — I’m looking to invest in a steel door for extra protection. Here’s how you can contribute $5:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

Copy Koala Millions™

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What if your pillow could do more than just help you sleep at night?

What if it could do something unbelievably good for you…

Like instantly give you MORE powerful copywriting skills than years of study ever could…

Putting your brain into full “copy god” mode as soon as you wake up in the morning…

Allowing you to effortlessly stamp out royalty-producing sales letters, emails, and Facebook ads IN JUST A FEW MINUTES’ TIME…

Knowing you’re now automatically and effortlessly zooming towards your wealth and income dreams… while burying the gnawing doubts and insecurities that have held you back for so long?

And what if it could also implant into your head ALL the copywriting courses you’ve ever bought…

While dramatically increasing your productivity… opening up secret doors to new opportunities… and skyrocketing your status in the industry?

Wouldn’t that be INCREDIBLE?

Well, when you consider the latest breakthrough, peer-reviewed studies on creativity and learning… from the most well-respected universities and research departments on the planet…

Or if you ask the countless thousands of women and men of all ages, from all walks of life, who have found this email before you…

You’ll find that this is not only possible…

But you should actually EXPECT your pillow to deliver you all of this and more.

And all it takes is just a tiny, 10-second tweak to your night-time routine that you’re about to see…

Ok, I’d like you to slowly emerge from your hypnotic trance and become aware of the real world once again.

The truth is, I do not yet have a magic offer called Copy Koala Millions™, which transforms you into an A-list copywriter while you sleep. But I have been working on it.

The backstory is that I went on Clickbank a few days ago. Among the Clickbank top 10, three weight loss offers all showed the same trend:

* Lose weight by stuffing your face (Biofit)

* Lose weight by sucking on smoothies (Smoothie Diet)

* Lose weight by sipping coffee (Java Burn, which I modeled for the copy above)

In each case, the mechanism is NOT some exotic discovery or awesome invention.

​​Instead, the mechanism is a beloved everyday activity. In fact, it’s probably something the prospect is already doing all the time.

So that’s how I got the idea for Copy Koala Millions™. Because lying down to sleep is one of my beloved activities. There are few things that thrill me as reliably as putting my head to pillow each night. I can’t be the only one, right?

It’s the old direct response advice:

Come up with the ultimate, magic-wand offer. Promise your prospect all the outcomes he could ever dream of… done for him by some benevolent external genie… who smiles kindly and shushes away all the objections your prospect used to have.

So that’s step one. Figure out exactly what your prospect would irrationally love to hear.

Step two is to then dial it back or pay it off so your offer isn’t a complete hoax.

In the case of Copy Koala Millions™ I’m happy to say I deliver fully on the promise.

At a special launch price of just $67, I’ll sell you an mp3 player preloaded with copywriting audio courses, masked with pink noise.

Simply turn on Copy Koala and place it under your pillow at night — takes just 10 seconds. You can also upload other courses you’ve bought if you want. In case you don’t have a pillow right now, I’ll be selling that as a $197 upsell.

Normally, at this point in my email, I would invite a response. “Write in and pre-order Copy Koala Millions™,” I would say, “at a special 75% discount. Offer good only until this Thursday.”

But I’m a little hesitant to do that. We haven’t yet ironed out all the kinks with the pink noise and I don’t want to get swamped with orders I can’t fulfill. So I’ll hold off for today.

Instead, I’d just like to point out that the underlying idea might be valuable to you. Because the weight loss market is definitely buying this “coffee” mechanism right now.

​​And the weight loss market is like New York City — the fashion that’s popular there today will be popular everywhere next year. Might be worth keeping an eye on. I know I will be doing it. And if you want to find out what new trends I spot, sign up here for my email newsletter, and prepare to be hypnotized.

7-time Mr. Emailympia’s self-improvement habit

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Werewolves were still roaming around when I woke up this morning. The clock showed 4:51am.

I lay around in the dark for a bit. I imagined laying around some more… but no! I jumped up, grabbed my stuff, and raced off to the 24-hour gym.

In case you’re starting to break out in a cold sweat, thinking this email is about seizing the day by the tail… don’t worry. The fact is, I should have stayed in bed.

Because in a few minutes, there I was at the gym, sleepy and foggy-brained. Somewhere in this haze, I thought it would be a good idea to lift a weighted barbell over my head.

My mind was elsewhere. My muscles were tired. I staggered forward under the unexpected weight… braked by standing up on my tiptoes… swayed back and forth… and almost dropped the barbell, plates and all, onto my skull.

A moment later, I stood there, looking at the now-harmless barbell on the floor. And I remembered something that 7x Mr. Olympia Arnold Schwarzenegger once said:

“Doing an exercise once with awareness is worth ten times an exercise done while distracted.”

Good advice for the gym.

But maybe you don’t care for the gym.

Maybe you just care for better marketing and stronger copy.

In that case, I can share a related idea by 7x Mr. Emailympia, John Bejakovic.

Here’s a little habit I used to practice in the old days of writing this email newsletter.

First, I made a list of what I called “1% improvements.” These were things that I knew made for better emails… but that I didn’t practice regularly. Not with any awareness at least.

My habit was to pick one of these 1% improvements each week. And for the rest of the week, with each email I wrote, I consciously and awarely practiced that idea.

Result?

Wealth, fame, and, like I said, 7 Mr. Emailympia titles so far. And who knows what the future holds? Hollywood stardom… a career in politics… or maybe marriage to a Kennedy.

So I’d like to suggest to you:

Make your own list of “1% improvements.” Pick one each week. Bring your awareness to it. And watch your returns compound, just like they are doing for me.

“Incorrect,” I hear an accountant saying. “In order for returns to compound, you have to keep your investment alive. And you said you stopped your 1% habit. Therefore, you are not compounding anything, you meathead.”

Fair point. So as of today, I’d like to announce I’m picking up this “1% improvement” habit again.

I won’t spell out which specific habit I’m working on this week. Maybe you can spot it in today’s email. And if not, don’t worry. You get another chance tomorrow. I’ll be back.

Hidden desires of would-be copywriters

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Last night, a friend sent me an interesting article that Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief had written. The article is about MMA fighter Conor McGregor and features 14 points — a lot. The one that stood out to me was this:

#2 – Know what your audience REALLY wants.

Do you really know what your audience wants? Most people think they do, but there are often subtle differences in what they want… and what they REALLY want.

In the UFC winning is not enough. Sure, Conor is a professional fighter, and fans like to see wins.

But what the audience and organization REALLY want is a “finish”. They want to see one competitor knocked out cold on the canvas.

Hidden desires. Hidden from the world. Hidden from ourselves.

Maybe you think that the desire to see somebody knocked out isn’t so hidden. Fine.

So here are a few more tricky and subtle examples of what some markets REALLY want. They come from copywriter Chris Haddad:

1. Numerology. Not really about divining the future or understanding the universe. People in this market really just want to feel special.

2. Bizopp. Not really about the millions or even the lambo. People who go for these offers really just want to feel competent… and wipe the smug, dismissive look off their brother-in-law’s face.

Which begs the question… what do people in the “become a copywriter” niche really want?

For many of them, it’s not about making money… or writing as a new career… or the independence that comes with this job.

I know this for a fact. Because there are proven and well-trodden paths to success as a copywriter. But in spite of knowing the path, these people never take the first step. And if they take the first step, they never take the second.

I’ll be honest with you:

I don’t know what these people are really craving. Not on a primal level. Maybe you have some ideas and you can tell me.

Or better yet, maybe you don’t know either… because you yourself really are after the money, the new career, or the flexibility and freedom.

If that’s the case, I can point you down a well-trodden path to success. The path that I’ve personally taken. I’ve written up all the directions inside a little guidebook I’ve titled:

“How To Become A $150/hr, Top-Rated Sales Copywriter On Upwork: A Personal Success Story That Almost Anyone Can Replicate”

This book has my best advice for the early years of being a copywriter, whether you’re on Upwork or not. The how-to info inside is underpriced by a couple of factors of magnitude.

And as I wrote last night, I will be retiring this book permanently in a couple of hours. Depending on when you’re reading this email, the book might already be gone.

One final point about this $5 investment:

The information in this book won’t transform you into a copywriting success. You gotta take those steps yourself.

But if you are willing and able to put one foot in front of the other… then this book will point the way. Plus it will give you valuable tips and shortcuts it took me several years to discover.

​​So if you’ve got $5, and you want this before it disappears, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork ​​

Become a copywriter by tomorrow

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Yesterday, reader Michael Harris wrote me to say:

I just wanted to let you know that I bought your Upwork book last week or the week before. I read it in an hour or two.

Yesterday, I got around to updating my profile and began bidding on jobs. Today, I closed my first job.

I used all of your tips and tricks (even the ‘hack’ you removed from the book) and landed a job in a day.

Full disclosure: I’m not new to copywriting, but I am new to Upwork as lead generation. The rate for this job is dog shit, but it’s the first step in getting started on Upwork.

I think the biggest takeaway I took from your book is this; don’t try to be clever. Just give them what they want, as long as it’s the truth.

My proposal was about 3 sentences long. Nothing fancy. Just what they wanted to see. 15 minutes after I sent the proposal I’d been hired. Nice.

Thanks for your help John

My point is, becoming a copywriter doesn’t have to take years. Even months.

You anoint yourself in this field. You can do it from today to tomorrow.

“Whoa there John. Can’t you read? Michael said he was already a copywriter and just using this as new source of leads.”

If that’s what you want to focus on, so be it. But let me offer another perspective:

Back in 2013, after wining his UCF debut, future two-division champion Conor McGregor gave an interview. McGregor is a master of self-promotional boasting and bluster, on a level that matches former President Donald J. Trump.

And yet, here’s what McGregor had to say about his confidence and invincibility:

“I’ve lost MMA fights. I’ve lost boxing fights. I’ve lost so many fights in the gym. I lose all the time. It is what it is. Any true martial artist will know in order to succeed at this game you must lose a fucking shitload of times.”

The good news is, you’re not aspiring to be a pro MMA fighter. You don’t need to risk getting your leg snapped in two. You don’t need to get your head kicked in. You don’t even need to expose your soft throat to strangulation until you’re an inch away from death.

The worst that can happen to you is you write something… the client comes back, tearing his hear out (not yours) and screaming, “What is this mess? Who told you you could be a copywriter?”

Tell ’em it was this guy, John Bejakovic, whose email newsletter you read.

And once your emotions subside in a few hours’ time, then start looking for your next gig. And as you do it, think how, in the future, you can avoid the big mistakes you made in that first job.

Again, that’s the worst case. And it ain’t all that bad.

The more likely case is, you deliver something… it’s okayish… particularly for the crap wage you’re getting paid. That’s a real success, and something you can build off.

But you know what?

You either get this or not. I’m just telling you this to be fair.

Because I mentioned a while ago that I will be retiring my Upwork book. Well, the time has come.

I will remove it from Amazon tomorrow night, after the final Influential Emails call, probably around 10pm CET.

I’ve promoted this book a few times before. It’s got my best advice for the early years of being a copywriter, whether you’re on Upwork or not. The how-to info inside is underpriced by a couple of factors of magnitude.

It’s going away tomorrow, for good. So in case you want to get it before it disappears, and maybe even apply some of the information it contains, here’s where to go:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork

A crazy and messed up way to end an email

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Some time in 1981, future “Songwriters Hall of Fame” member Darryl Hall was sitting at the piano in his Greenwich Village apartment.

His girlfriend Sara was in the kitchen peeling a hard-boiled egg.

Hall had a pencil in his mouth. He played a chord on the piano. He took the pencil and scribbled down a few words on a piece of paper.

Oh here she comes… She’s a maneater… and a commitmentphobe.

“Terrible!” Hall said. He crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor.

Sara walked into the living room. She swallowed the first half of her hard-boiled egg. “What’s up?” she asked.

“So frustrating,” Hall said. “This new Maneater thing. I have the intro. ‘She’s sitting with you but her eyes are on the door.’ Right? A little story. Everybody can picture that.”

Sara stuffed the other half of the egg in her mouth. She raised her eyebrows to indicate to Hall to keep going.

“But then I get to the chorus,” Hall said. “It’s really the payload of the song. It’s what I want the listener to take away. But I can’t find a good way to wrap it up. ‘She’s a maneater and a… dirty nasty bitch? A cruel seductive girl? A womanhater?’ I can’t figure out how to end it with something people haven’t heard before.”

Sara finished chewing the egg and swallowed. She walked to the crumpled-up paper, picked it up off the floor, and looked over the lyrics.

“Drop that shit at the end,” she said. “Go, ‘She’s a maneater.’ And stop.”

Hall frowned. Then he really frowned. “You’re crazy.” he said. “That’s messed up.”

Sara rolled her eyes and walked back to the kitchen. Hall stared at the piano. He closed his eyes. He played a few notes. And he started to nod his head.

In the end, Darryl Hall dropped the shit at the end, as per his girlfriend’s advice. Hall & Oates recorded the song a few days later.

Maneater became a number one hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart on December 18, 1982. Out of the five number one hits that Hall & Oates had in their career, Maneater became the one that stayed at no. 1 the longest. Going by the 172 million views the song has on YouTube, it remains their biggest hit today.

“I thought about it,” Hall said once when speaking about Maneater and about his girlfriend’s suggestion. “I realized she was right. And it made all the difference.”

Introducing: New Gimme Hope Co’rona strain

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Perhaps you’ve read the news. From a Reuters article earlier today:

“Australia and several other countries joined nations imposing restrictions on travel from southern Africa on Saturday after the discovery of the new Charlize Coron variant sparked global concern and triggered a market sell-off.”

Ok, that’s not really what the news said. The new corona strain isn’t called Charlize Coron. It should have been called that. But instead, it got yet another boring Greek letter name, omicron.

A couple days ago, Ben Settle wrote this:

Yes, Google is one the best content title swipe files on the internet IMO.

My recommendation:

Look at hundreds of craft beer names.

Note the ones that pop out at you.

Then ask yourself:

“How can I apply this uniquely and creatively to my next piece of content?”

Since the Greek letter naming system sucks, I decided to try Ben’s advice out. I wanted to see if I couldn’t come up with a craft beer name for the new corona variant, something better than “omicron.” Maybe you can tell me if I succeeded with any of the options below.

A bit of googling revealed that many craft beer names are puns on celebrity names, stock phrases, or pop culture references tied in to the history behind the brewery.

Since this new variant was found in South Africa and Botswana, I hit upon the following ideas for the new corona beer:

* Covid Bustard (after Botswana’s national bird, the kori bustard)

* Antigen To Zebra (“all the animals you can find in South Africa, from aardvark to zebra”)

* Gimme Hope Co’rona (after the Eddie Grant hit Gimme Hope Jo’anna — Jo’anna is Johannesburg)

A second article I read said scientists are worried because this new strain has “a very unusual constellation of mutations.”

Unusual mutations? That makes my brain go in one direction only. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And since craft beers often feature nonsensical, goofy, high-energy names, this could be another possible name for the new brew:

* Cowidbunga!

Finally, the scientist who isolated this new variant said the “full significance of the variant is uncertain.” This reminded me of something Daniel Kahneman wrote about uncertainty and fear:

“The fear of an electric shock is uncorrelated with the probability of receiving the shock. The mere possibility triggers the full blown response.”

This Kahneman idea ties in well to my personal beliefs about corona. And if I had anything to do with naming the new strain, I might just give a nod to Kahneman and call it “Covid, fast and slow.”

But you know what? My point is not really anything to do with corona.

It’s not even anything to do with naming your products or content either.

Maybe you can see the point I’m trying to make. If not, then check out my email tomorrow, where I will almost certainly reveal Die Antwoord (another possible craft corona name?).