MVE contestants hit me with the stupid Swedish Chef routine

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My Most Valuable Email, $1088-prize contest continues. ​More on that below. ​​But first, a true personal story:

I hated high school. More than anything, I hated English class.

I hated it so much that I refused to read the books we were to read or write the papers we were to write.

I remember Mr. Sherman, my 11th-grade art teacher, calling my mom late one evening.

He told her I wouldn’t be able to go on tomorrow’s field trip to Washington DC. The fact was, I was currently failing English class, and there was a law about taking badly behaving inmates out of prison.

The reason I managed to not fail English completely was that I went to a pretty progressive school. English class wasn’t just about taking tests and writing papers. It would sometimes involve creative assignments — you know, to make school fun.

For example, in 12th grade, we had to read Beowful. Of course I didn’t.

Fortunately, to prove we had read Beowful and thought about it deeply, we had to do one of those creative assignments. In other words, we were free to do anything and present it to the class, as long as it had to do with Beowulf.

My turn came. I walked up to the front of the class and popped in a tape to a little portable stereo. (Yes, this was a long time ago.) I pressed play.

First, a bit of music came on. As that faded out, my voice came on, trying to sound as smooth and hip as a radio DJ:

“Good evening and thanks for tuning in to another episode of late-night early-English classics. Tonight, we have sections seven through nineteen of the greatest epic poem ever written in the English language. You know it and I know it — of course, I’m talking about Beowful. And as always, we have our local old-English expert, professor Bjorn Bejakoffson of St. James University, to read this masterpiece for us in the original. Take it away professor Bejakoffson…

… and at this point, I transitioned into my best impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.

I used to be good at mimicking the accents of other languages. But here, I was really just making up gibberish and making it sound like what I imagined old English sounded like.

In that 12th-grade English class, in part because I was always so unprepared, I had developed a reputation as the class clown.

My classmates were all eager to see what I had done for this creative assignment. As soon as the stupid Swedish Chef routine came on, everybody started laughing.

I stood there at the front of the class, beaming with cleverness as the tape played.

But then I spotted the English teacher. He was standing in the back, shaking his head, and scribbling down something in his notes. As I found out later, it was a C- for me.

I dredged up this story from my failing memory because of the Most Valuable Email contest I launched yesterday. There was just one condition to enter this contest:

“Write me an email and tell me which of my Most Valuable Emails has been most useful or interesting to you, and why.”

I’ve gotten a bunch of entries so far.

Many of them warmed my cold heart.

But I also got a few entries from people who clearly do not know what my Most Valuable Email trick is. Instead, they were just picking emails at random, including ones that don’t use the Most Valuable Email trick, and flattering me in hopes that they will guess right and have a shot at a prize.

I’m telling you this for two reasons:

1. Because, while I keep using the Most Valuable Email trick over and over, it remains subtle and surprising to people. Even people who regularly read my emails often can’t guess what it is.

2. Because I have somehow grown up and become like those dreaded teachers I hated so much in high school. And when I see someone trying to fake or buffoon their way through this contest, I just shake my head and scribble down in my notes: C-.

If you’d like to participate in this contest, you can find the prizes, rules, and deadline below.

And if you want to have a decent shot of winning any of the prizes, it will help to know what the Most Valuable Email trick is, and to make reference to it when you submit your entry. To help you do that, here’s where you can find the actual Most Valuable Email training:

https://bejakovic.com/mve

And here’s more details about the contest, from yesterday’s email:

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First prize — $297.

Second prize — $200.

And three third prizes — a $197 ticket to my upcoming Water Into Wine workshop, on repackaging your offers for more sales.

If you’re interested, here are the rules for this competition:

1. Entries must be submitted in the form of an email from 50 to 150 words. Simply tell me which of my Most Valuable Emails has been the most useful or insightful or entertaining for you, and why. You don’t have to be clever, fancy, or unique in what you say — simply tell me what comes to mind.

2. The deadline for this competition is this Wednesday, June 19th, at 8:31pm CET. I’ll announce the prizes the day after, on Thursday, June 20th. The competition is open to anyone on my list, whether or not you have bought my Most Valuable Email training.

3. You can submit as many entries as you like, and I will consider all of them. But you can only win one prize.

4. What I want primarily is to find out how my readers have been using my Most Valuable Email trick to benefit themselves, as well as how this trick has made certain of my emails more sticky and available in their minds.

Like I say on the sales page for Most Valuable Email, if I had to choose just one type of email to write each day, I’d choose Most Valuable Emails. That’s why I want to hear about the real-world effects these emails have had on my readers.

5. The decision about which competition entry wins which prize will be made by me, based on my personal reaction and surprise. As one MVE buyer wrote me after going through the course:

“I’m looking back at your old emails with new eyes. You know that moment people get epiphanies and the entire world looks different? I’m feeling that way about your writing now. You’ve helped me unlock something I didn’t know existed. So incredible.”

$1088 in prizes to Bejako readers

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First prize — $297.

Second prize — $200.

And three third prizes — a $197 ticket to my upcoming Water Into Wine workshop, on repackaging your offers for more sales.

I’m 100% serious about this competition.

To enter, simply write me an email and tell me which of my Most Valuable Emails has been most useful or interesting to you, and why.

Most Valuable Emails = any of my emails that use the Most Valuable Email trick.

I write a new Most Valuable Email every few days. In fact, I wrote 3 over the past week alone.

If you’ve been on my list for a while, you probably know what I mean by the Most Valuable Email trick.

And if you don’t know, you can watch me pull back the curtain and reveal the trick inside my Most Valuable Email training.

Plus, inside that training you can find a swipe file of 51 Most Valuable Emails that I selected as being particularly successful, effective, or influential for me personally. Any of those is eligible for this competition as well.

That means that, if you buy Most Valuable Email today, and then enter this competition, you have a fair shot of making your money back within two days, and to get the course to boot. There’s no telling how many people will enter this competition, and you might win first prize simply by virtue of showing up.

Plus, just for entering the competition, I will send you an additional valuable marketing idea, which you can use today to make more sales.

If you’re interested, here are the rules for this competition:

1. Entries must be submitted in the form of an email from 50 to 150 words. Simply tell me which of my Most Valuable Emails has been the most useful or insightful or entertaining for you, and why. You don’t have to be clever, fancy, or unique in what you say — just tell me what comes to mind.

2. The deadline for this competition is this Wednesday, June 19th, at 8:31pm CET. I’ll announce the prizes the day after, on Thursday, June 20th. The competition is open to anyone on my list, whether or not you have bought my Most Valuable Email training.

3. You can submit as many entries as you like, and I will consider all of them. But you can only win one prize.

4. What I want primarily is to find out how my readers have been using my Most Valuable Email trick to benefit themselves, as well as how this trick has made certain of my emails more sticky and available in their minds.

​​Like I say on the sales page for Most Valuable Email, if I had to choose just one type of email to write each day, I’d choose Most Valuable Emails. That’s why I want to hear about the real-world effects these emails have had on my readers.

5. The decision about which competition entry wins which prize will be made by me, based on my personal reaction and surprise. ​​As one MVE buyer wrote me after going through the course:

​​”I’m looking back at your old emails with new eyes. You know that moment people get epiphanies and the entire world looks different? I’m feeling that way about your writing now. You’ve helped me unlock something I didn’t know existed. So incredible.”

Just how bad are you at multitasking?

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Nobody called me out on it. But yesterday, I made a kind of preposterous claim.

​​I was talking about the following headline:

“If you’ve got 20 minutes a month, I guarantee to work a financial miracle in your life”

… and I said that his was an example of a concrete promise, something real and palpable.

As of this writing, nobody wrote me to challenge me on that. So let me do your job for you:

“Really Bejako? A ‘financial miracle in your life’? That’s your example of a concrete and real and palpable promise?”

Yes, really. And to prove it to you, let me tell you a story.

This story involves a man. A man named Tony. Tony Slydini.

Little Italian guy.
​​
Wrinkled, like a salted cod fish.

Spoke with a heavy Italian accent.

Performed magic tricks like you wouldn’t believe.

One of Slydini’s magic tricks involved making a bunch of paper balls disappear, only to appear in a hat that was empty at the start of the trick.

Before making each paper ball disappear, Slydini performed a few elaborate hand gestures. He’d wave the paper ball around in front of him, close it in his hand, sprinkle some invisible magic dust on it, open his hand, close it again, etc.

If you haven’t seen this trick, I have a link to it at the end.

​​But before you go watch, read on. Because I’m about to spoil the magic for you, and that’s important.

How does Slydini make each paper ball disappear?

​​And how does he teleport them inside the hat?

If you don’t want to know, then stop reading now. Otherwise, I’ll tell you.

Still here?

Fine. Here’s the trick behind the magic, from an article in Scientific American:

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Slydini deposits the vanished paper balls into the hat when he reaches inside the hat to fetch invisible magic dust. This mock action prevents the audience from assigning an additional, key intent to the move: to unload the paper balls inside the hat, to later reveal them at the trick’s finale.

Just as our visual system strains to see the vase and the two faces at once, we struggle to conceive of a motion that has a dual motivation: to put and to fetch. Even when it should be apparent to every member of the audience, and to every YouTube viewer, that Slydini’s action of fetching magical powder inside the hat must be a ruse.

In other words, even when the ostensible purpose is preposterous, we still can’t consider an alternative explanation.

That’s how bad our brains are at multitasking.

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Our brains are sticky. This creates some strange phenomena.

Give me a warm cup of coffee to hold. Then show me a stranger’s face. I’ll evaluate the stranger as looking friendly.

Point my attention to the 20 minutes I know I have. Then make me a promise of a financial miracle in my life. I’ll evaluate your promise as concrete and real.

Don’t believe that it works?

You can see Slydini’s trick on YouTube. Link’s below.

​​You now know how the trick is done. But watch it yourself — it takes all of 4 minutes — and witness just how bad you are at multitasking:

 

If you’ve got 2 minutes right now, I guarantee more response to your offers

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A few weeks ago, I joined JK Molina’s email list. You might have heard of JK — he’s kind of the marketing coach to all the coaches who coach coaches.

Anyways, in between the steady flow of familiar promises – “make $100k per month with just Google docs and email” — I found an interesting persuasion idea in one of JK’s emails. Says JK:

“You get better leads by offering to take something they ALREADY HAVE into something they DON’T.”

Huh? The first time I read this, I had no idea what JK’s on about. But an example helped:

Bad ad: “How to make $30,000”

Good ad: “Turn the old car you’ve got parked in your garage into $30,000.”

A-ha. A dim, flickering light came on in my head.

And thanks to that flickering light, I could once again see Gary Bencivenga’s Marketing Bullet #3. Gary asked which of these investing headlines won:

A:

The Millionaire Maker:
Can he make YOU rich, too?

B:

If you’ve got 20 minutes a month,
I guarantee to work a financial miracle in your life

As you can probably guess by now, the answer was B. Gary says it “worked like a charm and handily beat the previous champ.”

Gary’s explanation for why B won is that we’ve all gotten jaded by big promises, but the if-then structure somehow manages to disable normal critical faculties.

Maybe that’s really it.

Or maybe it’s what JK says above.

Maybe it’s that we don’t respond to promises unless we feel they are concrete and real. Unless those promises are anchored to something we can touch, taste, or in case of 20 minutes, simply know with 100% certainty that we have on us, right here, right now.

So try it yourself and see.

​​Use the if-then structure, or promise to turn the junk in your prospect’s garage into a stack of $100 bills.

I guarantee this will increase response to your offers. And if it doesn’t, come back tomorrow, and I’ll give you a new idea, for free, and keep giving you new ideas, until one of them does increase your response.

Also:

If you’ve got two thumbs and a smart phone, then I promise you a new way to fascinate your email subscribers every day. For more information on that:

https://bejakovic.com/mve

Persuasion, Plan B:

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This past week, Lawrence Bernstein shared, via his Ad Money Machine, a very risky but very effective direct mail sales letter that ran some 15 years ago.

The teaser headline on the envelope read,

“Retirement, Plan B:”

… and then in smaller font, the copy went on to explain how you could now enroll and collect up to $120,000 each year, for the rest of your life, in the form of “pension paychecks.”

Pension paychecks?

As Lawrence said, “I don’t have the risk tolerance for such a promo, nor the legal team to cover me in case. But there’s no denying the success of this promo, based on its longevity.”

Maybe there’s something we can learn from this promo, without crossing over into risky legal waters.

Enter “Persuasion, Plan B.”

Persuasion, Plan A is to make your best argument. To give your audience the big promise. To pile on the reasons why, the testimonials, the features, the benefits, the bonuses, the urgency.

In many situations, that will work just fine.

But what if it don’t?

Persuasion, Plan B is what you can try then. It’s what you can witness in the promo above.

And it’s to suddenly whip up a creative repackaging that sums up, often in just a word or two, all the appeals in your offer, and suggests other appeals also, even if they’re not really there in your offer. (It’s not always illegal.)

I’m thinking about putting together a one-evening workshop about this. About using this kind of repackaging in your headlines, your body copy, your emails, and most importantly and profitably, in the positioning and packaging of your offers.

Persuasion, Plan B.

Is this workshop something you’d be interested in? If so, hit reply and let me know. If there’s enough interest, I’ll put it on. Otherwise, we can stick with just Plan A.

Failed magicians, unfunny comedians, and me

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I spent the whole morning working today. I got nothing done, including this email, which was supposed to be written hours ago.

Still, hope lingers inside me. Maybe it will all somehow turn out ok.

Because the fact is, I wasted the entire the morning in research, trying to find good examples of a technique I don’t have a good name for.

My most good name for this technique is “calling out the vibe.”

Maybe you don’t know what I mean by that. I guess that’s part of the problem.

Calling out the vibe is what comedians do when their jokes aren’t landing. They call out the awkwardness and lack of response. The audience often laughs at this point, out of recognition and relief.

You can also use this technique if you’re nervous on a date or during an interview. Call it out. Put your nervousness into words, and see how the mood improves.

Or of course, if you’re trying to write your daily email, and your attempts are awful, just awful, too awful to send out, call that out. That’s your email right there.

You might think this is simply about being honest, or making the other side feel better because you fess up to your own troubles.

That’s part of it. But it’s not all of it, or even the main part.

Magicians call it out if their audience has grown suspicious.

Hypnotists observe their subjects deeply, and call out the physical changes they see as the subjects enter trance.

And wise negotiators call out the fact that their adversary has gotten too enthusiastic during a negotiation — too eager to say yes.

There’s some magic when you accurately call out the vibe. Try it yourself and see.

Another confession:

I had an offer planned for today, but well, it doesn’t fit any more.

So let me remind you of my Simple Money Emails program. Because calling out the vibe in your email is great. But you can’t do it every day, not unless it’s true.

And even if what you’re calling out is true, your audience might get tired after the third consecutive email that starts, “I spent the whole morning working today. I got nothing done, including this email…”

So what do you do on all those other days?

The answer can be found inside Simple Money Emails, which gives you 9 tried-and-true, use-them-every-day email openings.

These 9 openings don’t require an entire morning’s worth of research and false starts.

​​In fact, many of the most successful emails I’ve ever written, which are documented in the Simple Money Email swipe file that goes along with the program, took me all of 15 or 20 minutes to write.

If you’d like to find out more about Simple Money Emails, and how you can write such emails yourself:

https://bejakovic.com/sme

Customers who pay you to pay you

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Right now, for the meager price of $30,000 to start, and then $10,000 per year to keep going, you can sign up to get a spot at Carbone.

Carbone is an exclusive restaurant in New York.

​​The $30k + $10k/year membership gets you a regular weekly table there.

​​Of course, you still have to pay for the food and drinks and service, which, as you can imagine, are expensive.

It turns out there are more and more such restaurants, going members-only.

They cater to people with money who want a few different things. One is better service, less waiting, and being treated with respect. Two is status and recognition. Three, and more than anything it seems, is a feeling of community.

In other words, people are paying good money to be among others like themselves, and to feel comfortable, welcome, and warm.

I’m telling you this to maybe warm up your own mind to the possibilities that are out there.

You can charge people decent money — maybe even indecent money — just for the privilege of being able to buy from you.

Of course, you do have to offer something in return — exclusivity, top-level service, a community.

Who knows? Maybe this is even a way you can charge for the marketing you give away now. Such as your daily emails, for example.

And with that, let me remind you of my Simple Money Emails program.

This program teaches you how to write emails that people want to read, and that they buy from.

I’ve only sent these kinds of emails to prospects for free.

But maybe you can not only use use these kinds of emails to make sales, but charge for them as well, by combining them with the idea above.

Whatever the case may be, if you’d like to find out more about Simple Money Emails:

https://bejakovic.com/sme

The growing value of mystery

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A few days ago, a strange, obscure article went viral. The headline ran,

“The Backrooms of Internet Archive”

In short:

There’s an image of an eerie, empty, fluorescent-lit office space that’s been circulating the Internet for close to 15 years.

This image, known as “The Backrooms,” has given rise to hundreds of discussions threads, communities, even video games that talk about creepy, not-quite-right “liminal spaces,” places that feel like they might be portals to other dimensions.

Only one problem:

Nobody knows where or what the real Backrooms, meaning the office in the photo, actually was.

Thousands of Internet sleuths have been working on the question in the past decade.

​​No success.

But come to think of it, maybe that’s not a problem at all.

Maybe that’s the reason why the discussions, communities, and video games popped up in the first place.

Maybe that’s the reason why, more than 13 years after The Backrooms image first started circulating on the Internet, the article about it went viral, with millions of views in one day.

Because the mystery of The Backrooms, which has been going on for so long, has finally been solved.

The actual info on the Backrooms turns out not to be very interesting (a 2003 photo of a furniture store in Oshkosh, WI).

But really, is anything very interesting?

My claim is that nothing is, or can be. Not when you compare it to the feeling of not knowing but wanting to know, of immense possibility and unfulfilled desire, of genuine mystery.

So here’s the real problem:

Where are the mysteries today?

All the corners of the Earth, including the bottoms of the oceans, have been explored.

Every field of human experience has thousands of experts and millions of pages of analysis and study to explain it.

Everything is recorded and logged. There’s more data than ever. None of it can be lost or destroyed any more.

And now, we even have stupid AI, available to all, that can sift and sort through all these zettabytes of information, to resolve any question that might pop up in your head in a matter of seconds.

This is why I believe value of mystery will increase. It’s simple scarcity.

That’s why real-world images like The Backrooms, if they cannot be traced, engage the mass mind obsessively.

That’s why people have spent hundreds of thousands of collective hours trying to figure out the origin of the “The Most Mysterious Song on The Internet,” which aired just once in 1984 in West Germany.

That’s why several people died trying to track down the hidden treasure, described only in a cryptic poem, left behind in 2010 by an antiques dealer named Forrest Fenn.

But let me wrap this up. What does all this mean for you?

Is it just a matter of curiosity?

Or maybe an opportunity?

Enter the idea I floated yesterday, the Future Pacing Club.

I’m encouraged by the response I’ve gotten so far. In case you missed my message yesterday, or you weren’t yet convinced to reply, here’s what I wrote:

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All this gave me an idea. I called this idea Future Pacing Club.

I personally enjoy finding out, researching, and thinking about current trends and what the future might bring.

It’s not just idle chin-stroking, either. This kind of info can be valuable – as marketing fodder, in spotting new business opportunities, or simply in knowing to stockpile cans of beans and tuna in anticipation for the hell that’s coming. (Actually, never mind about that last one.)

Of course, there’s only so many trends I will spot, and most of my interpretations of where the future will go will be limited or most likely wrong.

That’s why I had the idea for an exclusive club, to make this an activity shared among a few interested, smart, invested people.

So if 1) you work in marketing, if have your own business, or if you invest, and 2) if you’re interested in a place to get exposed to current trends and what the future might bring, then maybe such a club could be interesting to you too?

I don’t know. But if does sound interesting, reply to this email and let me know.

I definitely won’t create and run something like this just for myself. I would also want it to feel exclusive, intimate, and valuable.

I’m not sure yet how that might work.

But if there’s interest, and the right kind of interest, then maybe something can come of this idea, and maybe it could be valuable and interesting for you too. The only way to know is to reply to this email.

In the words of Robert Collier:

“But remember, in the great book of Time there is but one word — ‘NOW'” — so drop your reply in an email now.

Future Pacing Club

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In 2019, FEMA concluded that there were only two kinds of natural disaster that could bring down the entire system everywhere all at once.

The first is a pandemic.

I’m reading an article about the second one right now.

I’m not sure if there has already been a financial promo around this topic, but it seems custom-made for it:

A small, remote laboratory, filled with elite scientists who all have ties to the U.S. military…

… mysterious, almost supernatural events — “electric fluid” seeping out from appliances, spontaneous fires bursting out, telegraph messages being sent via unplugged equipment…

… and of course, really big consequences. Like REALLY big. This isn’t “End of America” we’re talking about. This is “End of World.”

Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before.

I’m talking about coronal mass ejections and solar flares, or in one term, solar storms.

If you do write financial, and if this isn’t an idea that’s already been exploited, then maybe you can use it as a hook for a promo.

I don’t write financial copy, never have, and imagine never will.

But the article I’m reading did spark excitement and interest in me. Solar storms happen in 11-year cycles, from low to high. We are currently at the high, so you can expect major solar-related snafus between now and 2025.

And if a catastrophic solar storm doesn’t happen now, it might happen in 2035, or really any time between — because just like storms on Earth, solar storms don’t confine themselves just to storm seasons.

All this gave me an idea. I called this idea Future Pacing Club.

I personally enjoy finding out, researching, and thinking about current trends and what the future might bring.

It’s not just idle chin-stroking, either. This kind of info can be valuable – as marketing fodder, in spotting new business opportunities, or simply in knowing to stockpile cans of beans and tuna in anticipation for the hell that’s coming. (Actually, never mind about that last one.)

Of course, there’s only so many trends I will spot, and most of my interpretations of where the future will go will be limited or most likely wrong.

That’s why I had the idea for an exclusive club, to make this an activity shared among a few interested, smart, invested people.

So if 1) you work in marketing, if have your own business, or if you invest, and 2) if you’re interested in a place to get exposed to current trends and what the future might bring, then maybe such a club could be interesting to you too?

I don’t know. But if does sound interesting, reply to this email and let me know.

I definitely won’t create and run something like this just for myself. I would also want it to feel exclusive, intimate, and valuable.

I’m not sure yet how that might work. ​​

But if there’s interest, and the right kind of interest, then maybe something can come of this idea, and maybe it could be valuable and interesting for you too. The only way to know is to reply to this email.

In the words of Robert Collier:

“But remember, in the great book of Time there is but one word — ‘NOW'” — so drop your reply in an email now.

PJ gives my book between 2 and 3 stars

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Yesterday, I checked Goodreads, where my 10 Commandments Of A-List Copywriters sometimes gets reviews that aren’t visible on the Amazon page.

It turned out I have a new, negative, 2.5-star review, from Goodreads user PJ.

When I saw this, I first went to the kitchen, got a long and sharp knife, and settled in to deal with PJ. Then I started to read his review:

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2.5 – closer to a 3 than 2

Not enough actionable insights in this book. Some excellent tips and history overall – but the lack of conceptual relevance between commandments hurt this book. If this had cohesive structure as to why and how these “commandments” coincide with one another, a summary section after each chapter, and many more examples, this could easy be a stalwart in the niche. There were a lot of good insights but I left every chapter thinking how I can really apply these techniques properly, and without contradicting one another as went on further.

I also think that a pitch for a newsletter should be done subtly and should be omitted from a paid product; despite this being a copywriting book.

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What can I say?

I put my large and sharp knife away and just shrugged.

If PJ wants a single, unified copywriting system, with tons of examples, summary sections, and with detailed explanations that resolve the contradictions that show up whenever human psychology is involved, then he looked in the wrong place. (Maybe it’s for the best.)

My little 10 Commandments book, which happens to cost $5, never claimed to be a cohesive, exhaustive stalwart of copywriting education.

However, I do have something that does make those promises. It’s my Copy Riddles program.

PJ probably won’t ever find out about Copy Riddles – I’m guessing he never responded to my in-book pitch for this free newsletter.

But you are here. And you are reading.

And if you’d like to find out more about A-list copywriting techniques, and how to actually apply them properly in your own marketing or writing, in a systematic way, then lookee here for more info on my copywriting education stalwart, Copy Riddles:

https://bejakovic.com/cr