White jazz, the world’s deadliest hitman, and Prince’s text-speak

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I took a nap this afternoon and I never recovered.

So instead of my usual, valuable, and deadly dull post, here’s a list of 7 wonderful facts from all corners of the universe:

1. The word “jazz” was invented by white people. Many black jazz musicians in the 40s and 50s resented the term.

2. There’s an area in the Dominican Republic where men are born as girls and only transition to boys at age 12.

3. True story: A robber broke into a house, but he got distracted by a plate of brownies on the kitchen counter. He was finishing up the brownies when the family returned home. The robber ran out the back door and was never seen again.

4. The Xerox 914, the first photocopier, came with a fire extinguisher in case its heating elements set the paper alight.

5. Prince (the musician) used text-speak even when writing by hand. That’s probably how he wrote Nothing Compares 2 U.

6. The world’s deadliest hitman is thought to be one Julio Santana, a Brazilian with 500 kills to his name.

7. The fear of an electric shock is uncorrelated with the probability of receiving the shock. The mere possibility triggers the full-blown response.

You can’t make this kind of stuff up.

But you can write it down as you come across it.

And it makes sense to do so. Wonderful facts like these come in very useful during those long moments when you’re lacking any inspiration.

Anyways, if you need sales copy written, and if you need it now, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Not at the moment, at least.

But if you want to talk about how to write advertorials to promote wonderful or even weird products, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

The Facebook shell game

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A few days ago, I got to listen in on an internal monthly call of a very successful direct response company.

They are making a big shift in how they run their business.

So far, they’ve gotten most of their traffic from Facebook.

But Facebook has been closing down their ad accounts.

It’s like a shell game. Every time this company figures they know what Facebook wants, they lift up the shell to find:

A big empty nothing.

Another closed ad account.

This echoes what I heard from another client.

They’ve also been getting ads shut down and ad accounts closed. Unlike the first company, they aren’t moving away from Facebook yet, though they are frantically trying to find new ways of advertising that Facebook will be okay with.

At this point, you might expect me to lay down some rap about how you don’t wanna build your business on somebody else’s platform.

Or how you don’t wanna rely on a big corporation more than you have to.

Or how you want to have a stable business built on long-term customer relationships rather than on constant acquisition of new clients.

But no, that’s not my point at all.

Quite the opposite.

I wanna praise Facebook.

I think now is a golden moment for marketers to invest heavy into Facebook.

Except, instead of thinking, “How can I get my penis enlargement offer to conform to Facebook’s ad standards…”

You should take a step back. And create an offer, and even a brand, that has one simple goal:

To comply with Facebook’s flighty tastes in advertisers.

If you can do this, there’s no better source of traffic right now.

Both of the clients I mentioned at the start feel this way.

And while they bravely embrace the challenge of adapting to their disappointments with Facebook, and though their businesses might be better off in the long run if they cut their dependence on Facebook, I think they would trade it all in a heartbeat for a few more months of being in Facebook’s good graces.

Anyways, something to think about.

Don’t go searching for an offer…

Or even for a starving crowd…

Instead, search for a funnel that Facebook will be happy with. And watch your business explode.

The Catch-22 of Jim Rutz

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“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”
Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I first read Catch-22 when I was 18.

I thought it was immensely funny. Not because it was filled with jokes (it’s not). But because each time I thought I had a grip on where the book was going, it slipped away from me and swam somewhere else.

And that’s very relevant for copywriting, too. As Jim Rutz, one of the most successful copywriters of all times, once wrote:

“You must surprise the reader at the outset and at every turn of the copy. This takes time and toil.”

I bet you know exactly how to surprise the reader.

And you know where to apply the time and toil that Rutz is talking about.

Because I just gave you a good clue, in  the quote above from Catch-22.

In case you don’t see the answer yet, read over the quote and it should become less and less obvious.

In the meantime, if you need surprisingly effective advertorial copy, the following might help you get a start:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

What copywriters and marketers should know about the new anti-aging breakthrough

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Here are a few quick facts:

Dr. Steve Horvath is a professor at UCLA.

He’s a researcher in the field of anti-aging.

A while back, he developed something called the “epigenetic clock”.

This clock is a highly accurate measure of how old your body really is vs. what your driver’s license says.

And now, according to a paper published just yesterday, Dr. Horvath has found a way to reverse the epigenetic clock.

In effect, he has reversed aging. Significantly. In humans.

Over the course of a year, Dr. Horvath gave a cocktail of three common drugs to a small group of people. And instead of having their epigenetic clock move forward by 1 year, these folks actually got younger by 2.5 years.

Pretty impressive. ​​

Now, it’s possible this will turn out to be a cute but irrelevant result that can’t be reproduced or built on.

But my own hunch is that this is a major breakthrough.

Partly, that’s because I’ve been hearing high praise of Steve Horvath for a long time, from reputable people in the anti-aging space.

Partly, it’s because aging clearly hasn’t been solved yet, in spite of all the talk of telomeres and inflammation and mitochondria.

But why bring this up in an email about copywriting and marketing?

Well, if my hunch is right, then get ready.

Because you will soon see lots of direct marketing offers (over the coming 2-3 years, I’d guess) that take advantage of this new research.

In other words, expect lots of offers and promotions — supplements, newsletters, webinars, courses — that talk about reversing the epigenetic clock.

Maybe you will even be the one to write the big new control based on this idea.

Why not?

Now that you know about it, it’s yours to use.

Or at least, it’s yours to keep in mind, as new research on this topic continues to surface.

But maybe you’re not writing big long-form sales letters. Maybe you’re writing advertorials and presell pages. In that case, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Vegan sheila sues BBQ neighbors, marketing truth emerges

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The Internet is tittering today because of some bizarre news from Down Undah:

Nearly 9,000 fun-loving Aussies are planning a massive BBQ in front of the house of some sheila who complained about the barbecued meat smells wafting over from her neighbors’ yard.

The woman in question is a vegan. She described her experience inhaling barbecued fish aroma as “devastating” and “turmoil.”

And though the neighbors tried to appease her in various ways, the vegan sheila would not be appeased.

Instead, she took her neighbors to court. Not once, not twice, but thrice.

She even submitted a 600-page appeal when her case was dismissed.

So now, in retribution, she’s getting the mass BBQ on her front lawn.

Along with the derision of an international brigade of Internet strangers, all of whom are calling her crazy and entitled.

Well, I don’t agree.

I don’t think this woman is crazy.

Or entitled.

I think she’s just very good at buying the lies she’s been told:

“It’s immoral to eat meat.”

​”Own your own home — it will be your castle!”

​”Victim of injustice? Don’t worry. The court system is here to help you.”

We’re all a little like that vegan sheila. We just fall for different sales pitches.

But given her level of ferociousness, this woman does seem to be a particularly good potential customer.

So I wish I had something good to sell her, which would help her in her current misery.

Ideally, that would be a fire-breathing vegan political candidate, one who vows to set to rights all the wrongs this anti-BBQ victim has experienced.

Unfortunately, I’m not doing any political consulting yet.

But the same insights, about disappointed hopes and the unending search for a better life, can be used in more traditional marketing as well. If you wanna see how, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

An ugly 8-point checklist for writing copy faster

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I read a story yesterday about energetic writer Georges Simenon.

Over the course of his life, Simenon put out almost 200 novels, over 150 novellas, and countless stories.

He wrote fast. And he wouldn’t allow himself to be interrupted while writing.

So one time, when Alfred Hitchcock called, he was told that Simenon was unavailable, because he’d just started writing a new novel.

“That’s all right,” said Hitchcock. “I’ll wait.”

I bring this up because some time last week, I wrote about the importance of writing fast for copywriters.

It’s not simply about whipping yourself to go faster, like a burdened and bleeding donkey that’s struggling up a hill.

No bleeding is required.

Because there are ways to write and finish copy faster, while actually producing better results and stressing less. Here are some of those ways, based on my experience:

#1. Minimize your commute

It’s exhausting to read a bit, to switch tabs, to write a bit, to switch tabs again — no, wrong tab — switch tabs again, read a bit…

​​It’s like commuting to work. It doesn’t pay, but it costs you.

Things that I’ve experimented with to minimize this commute include keeping a notebook and writing down ideas with pen and paper while I read on the laptop. Also, opening up new browser and text editor windows specifically for that one project, and staying within them while working on the project.

#2. Steal from the rich and give to the poor

Keep track of successful ads and promotions. And then use them to swipe lead ideas. Swipe headline structure. Swipe sales letter outlines. Look over your swipe file, pull out a dozen relevant ads, put them all in front of your face, and use them for inspiration.

#3. Let that turkey bake

Before you start jamming away at your keyboard, give your creative mechanism a bit of time and space to form some ideas. This might sound a bit woo-woo, but you’ll know when it’s time to start writing.

#4. Channel Jack Kerouac

Once the turkey has reached critical temperature, put your hands on the keyboard and write. Write fast, physically fast, without punctuation, indentation, fact checking, etc. Channel Jack Kerouac, who wrote On The Road, an xx-page novel [fill in later], in y days [fill in later].

#5. Be the hammer AND the anvil

Goethe wrote, “You must be either the servant or the master, the hammer or the anvil.” Well, I think you gotta do both. First give your orders and make your commands, without mercy. Then, follow your own orders and commands blindly, without thinking or doubting.

This is where checklists, templates, and systems come in. Don’t have ’em yet? Start right now, and define some systems and checklists for yourself. Then get to work, and update your checklists and systems based on your results.

#6. “It takes an early bird to get the best of a worm like me”

That’s a quote from the great movie Pillow Talk. And it’s appropriate because in this worm’s experience, it’s best to work in the mornings. The brain is just more productive. I’ve heard this from lots of copywriters as well. These days, my working day usually starts at 7:30am and finishes by 11:30am.

#7. All play and no work makes John a tired boy

I work for 45 minutes and then I take a 15 minute break. But those 45 minutes are devoted to the task I’m working on. If I can’t focus on work, then I simply stare at the laptop in contempt.

The reason I do this is NOT to be more productive, though that’s a nice side effect. The reason is that it’s exhausting to force myself to get back to work after I’ve been slacking off. And it drags out the whole project by much more than just the wasted time.

#8. Accept gifts from the deep

Coming up with ideas is hard. Particularly when working. On the other hand, my brain — or some deep, unconscious part of it — will often come up with ideas at random times throughout the day. So I write those ideas down whenever they come, and I use my working time for more menial, mechanical, and less creative work.

And that’s my 8-item checklist. I hope you will find it useful. And yes, I realize that 8 is an ugly number, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Of course, I will update this checklist when new ideas pop into my head.

Or when I start a new project, and I find that I’m still getting stuck and writing too slowly, even with this checklist in hand.

But more about that later. For now, if you want more checklists, specifically for writing story-based advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

“Hating freelancing right now”

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I’m still working on revamping my book about succeeding as a freelancer on Upwork. One part of what I’ll include is my answers to 64 high-level, “big obstacle” questions that freelancers, including those on Upwork, tend to run into regularly.

Such as the following question from Reddit:

“Back then when I started out to work online (Internet Marketing & SEO) I kinda enjoyed it a bit but nowadays after 3 years part-time and now 1 year full time I kinda hate it at all..

“What might be the reason for it? Just bcz I got some money on my bank account? I think that gives me some trust that I can just chill out.”

I’ve personally never hated freelancing. But I have hated myself as well as my life while freelancing.

I put this down to my bad tendency to blame myself rather than external factors. And if you think I’m humblebragging, I’m not. I genuinely think it’s good for your mental health in the long run if you can honestly say, “I would have been successful — if not for the damned rain.” If instead you say (like I do), “It’s my fault because I didn’t bring an umbrella, stupid stupid!” you will eat away at yourself too much, too soon.

Anyways, on to the question.

I don’t know what causes hate, whether of freelancing or of the freelancer and his life. But I do know what can work as a fix.

In my experience, it’s to keep experimenting with different techniques. Some ideas:

Work in tight routines.

Stop working in tight routines and allow yourself to work however much and whenever you want.

Take a change of scenery.

Take a break during the day and do something new to appreciate the fact that you have flexibility.

Keep looking to improve your skills and get more specialized and valuable.

Keep increasing your rates to make your life better and to challenge yourself.

Keep working on your own side projects that will both help you with freelancing and might have some value on their own.

None of these things is going to be THE ONE TRUE answer. But if you keep trying them all, and switching them up, you might just make your whole life better, in small but significant ways, in many different dimensions. And in time that will help you cope with tough times, because those will always come. But they don’t have to cause you to descend into spittle-ejecting hate.

So that’s my bit of pulpit beating for today.

If you have questions about freelancing or copywriting obstacles, you might like that book about Upwork I’m preparing. To get notified when I finish it up, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer

What I’ve learned from weeks of heavy promiscuity

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Over the past several weeks, I’ve been highly promiscuous.

Not sexually, thank God.

But with my email address. I’ve been giving it out left and right, up and down, to people who want it and to those who don’t.

Predictably, my inbox is blowing up. And it’s been a mildly enlightening experience.

Because whenever I check now, I have between 5 and 10 new emails, all of which fall into one of two predictable categories. In fact, it’s just how I imagine it is to be a hot girl on Tinder. Desperate or creepy guys are constantly writing you, and they have one of two things to say:

1) “Yo I’ll cook you some romantic shrimp pasta and then we can play jenga and then have the freakiest sex you ever had in a room with a great view.”

That’s in the early stages of the courtship.

When (if?) this heavy-handed benefits play doesn’t work out, it’s time for stage 2:

2) “Yo why you don’t respond to my messages? I thought you said you like shrimp pasta. I’m still free this Friday. I can come pick you up.”

Like I said, this is basically what ALL of the emails I’ve been getting look like.

They either scream heavy-handed benefits (Real subject line: “8 second trick to get the benefits of 4 hours of meditation TONIGHT”)…

Or they are pitching a sale, and are bummed when you don’t respond (Real subject line: “It’s not too late…”).

It’s like all these desperate or creepy email marketers don’t realize I’m a hot girl with lots of options (metaphorically speaking).

Here’s a better approach.

It’s something I read from Kevin Rogers of Copy Chief yesterday. Says Kevin (I’m paraphrasing), let’s face the fact that email marketers and their readers are in an open relationship.

You probably get emails from lots of different people besides me.

I’m not judging, though.

Because to be honest with you, I’ve just sent this exact same email (all right, now it’s a blog post) to several other people besides yourself.

No neediness. No drama. No recrimination.

Open relationship. Keep this in mind and you’re likely to write much better and more effective emails.

Anyways, before I sign off, let me get back to Kevin Rogers.

I don’t have any particular relationship with the guy.

But I thought you might like to know he’s putting on an event called Copy Chief Live.

Basically, it’s a conference that brings together copywriters and big direct response clients (Agora Financial, etc.) who want to hire copywriters.

So if you wanna feel like the hot girl on Tinder, but in real life, then this event might be worth a look. I’d love to go myself, but unfortunately it’s the only time I can’t make it.

In case you want more info before the price goes up later this week, here’s the link:

https://copychief.live

“Half of my copy is wasted but I do not know which half”

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I just read that the US government is deploying the military to fight fake news.

The plan is to spend billions of dollars to create high-tech, military-grade, “Hot or Not” artificial intelligence that can detect fake news automatically.

Good luck to ’em.

Though personally, I’m all for fake news.

After all, that’s kind of how I make my living.

Over the past 9 months, the bulk of my income has been from writing “advertorials” that are shown to Facebook users.

And while I’m not helping get Trump elected (yet), I am writing propaganda that’s pretending to be more or less innocent blog posts.

The similarity between this and “Russian meddling” was so obvious to me that I even considered naming my upcoming book on advertorials, “Fake News Bonanza.”

Anyways, while we are on the topic of advertorials, I want to bring up an ancient proverb.

It’s been attributed to Biblical-era marketers such as John Wannamaker and William Wrigley. It goes something like this:

“I know that half of my advertising is wasted but I do not know which half.”

Luckily, this isn’t just a problem for advertisers who pony up the money to run ads.

It’s also a problem for copywriters, who depend on the success of their copy either 1) to get more work or 2) to get paid.

I found myself in this situation just recently while writing an advertorial for a protein + caffeine shake.

Who’s really buying this thing? And why?

I don’t know. At best, I could write up two versions of the advertorial, one for each of my best guesses on the target market.

So that’s what I did.

The good news is, I can do a little bit better than Messrs. Wrigley and Wannamaker.

Because as a copywriter, you don’t actually have to watch half of your copy go to waste.

It’s enough to simply come up with a new headline (“My new go-to keto breakfast!”)…

A new lead (“Oh no, I’m so late again”)…

And then to watch which of the alternate approaches will prove best.

If you are a copywriter, I hope this little tip helps you double the odds of success, while only costing you 5% more effort.

And if you’re an advertiser — or a copywriter — you might find the following interesting. It’s a sign-up list to get notified when I launch that book on advertorials, which will have much more specific advice about how to make advertorials successful:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to write copy much faster without working any harder

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When most people sit down to write sales copy, they go about it all wrong.

First, they beat on the keyboard for a few minutes or a few hours.

Then they look over the mess they’ve made.

And then they start pulling out their hair in frustration.

Time is passing, but they haven’t written a damn thing yet. Not anything good, at least.

But not you.

Because right now, you’re gonna find out a little secret that I recently discovered in a massively successful promotion, written by A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos. I call it the “suckers lead.” It goes like this:

HEADLINE: How to [get unlikely benefit X]

LEAD: Most people [do the conventional thing and get screwed]. But not you. Because you turned to [page in the book on offer]. Here are some of the secrets you’ll learn: [list of fascinations].

Now, maybe you think this lead is obvious.

Maybe you’re saying, “Yeah, sure John. I coulda thotothat myself. I don’t need you to tell me some supposed A-lister’s supposed dumb secrets.”

If that’s how you feel, then I pity you, young starling.

Because you are likely to waste a lot of time, pull out a lot of hair, and write a lot of shitty copy.

You see, one of the things I’ve been focusing on relentlessly over the past weeks…

Is writing FASTER.

It’s not about typing furiously, about stressing yourself out, or about producing crap.

Instead, it’s about having templates, checklists, and processes to eliminate wasted work, second-guessing, and thumb twiddling.

That’s one of the reasons why I’m collecting leads like the one above — even if they might seem simple.

In fact, this is something I’ll do with the advertorials book I’m putting together. I’ll include a list of simple leads, outlines, and angles to use for various kinds of products.

In case you’re interested in seeing this when it comes out, here’s where you can sign up to get notified when I finish and release this book:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/