Rough and smooth copywriting sandpaper

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I believe it was Michelangelo who wrote:

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Similarly, every hairball of a first draft has a good piece of copy inside it. And it is the task of the copywriter to discover it.

Perhaps you think it’s grandiose to compare copywriting to fine art?

You’re probably right. But the fact remains, I’m currently writing the first draft of a video sales letter, and it is far from fine.

No matter. Because as soon as I wrap up this first draft, hopefully tonight, I will start to polish it. I’ve even got 7 separate grades of sandpaper of varying smoothity, which should help me discover that good piece of copy hiding inside.

#1. Tidbit sandpaper

With this sandpaper, I make a new loop through all my notes. Product research, customer research, testimonials… And I note good tidbits that I haven’t yet included in the sales letter. These tidbits could just be a good phrase, or a convincing argument, or anything. When I’ve made this list of tidbits, I go in, and I squeeze each one into my copy at some point.

#2. Vision sandpaper

Show, don’t tell. So “Jack was starting to give into the pressure” becomes…

“Jack was pounding away at an old typewriter. He had already typed up hundreds of pages, and each one repeated the same phrase over and over. ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'”

#3. Grasp-the-advantage sandpaper

This is a must for good copy, and it comes from Victor Schwab’s book, How to Write a Good Advertisement. Throughout the copy, make sure you are bringing it back to the prospect, and making it clear why this matters to him.

“Our real estate investing system gets you all the hot leads you can handle for free.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you don’t have to spend any of your own money.”

Yeah, so what?

“So you can get started even if you’re dead broke right now.”

Hmmm…

#4. Midge sandpaper

Master copywriter David Deutsch has this thing he calls, “Hey Midge.” Basically, the copy should sound like something a guy would say to his wife (Midge?). In other words, this is where you focus on writing to just one person, your ideal avatar.

#5. Dumb sandpaper

There’s a website out there called the Hemingway Editor. You paste your copy in, and it tells you the reading level. It also tells you how to lower the reading level. I aim for grade 6.

#6. Intense sandpaper

David Garfinkel said on a recent episode of the Copywriters Podcast that the way to make copy “intense” is to write long copy, and then cut it down. So when I finish all the other steps above, I trim down my copy by 10%. I start by cutting out worthless adjectives and adverbs. Next are the complicated phrases that could be simpler. And then I will take out entire sentences or even paragraphs to meet my 10% quota.

#7. Boron sandpaper

I don’t know if Gary Halbert was the first to suggest reading your copy out loud. But his Boron Letters was the first place I saw this advice. And I still stick to it.

So there you go. Hopefully it can help you if you’ve got a hairball on your hands as well.

And if you need more ideas for pre-processing and post-processing your copy, maybe you will find some help here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Marketing devil-inspired price negotiation tactics

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A girl I met this summer wrote me yesterday to ask for advice on pricing a copywriting project:

“Wassup busy bee? 🙂 i need professional advice. How much should i ask to write anarchist articles for commercial purposes (meaning to sell t-shirts) :))? Is 100 dollars per 500+ words too much or fair? How much would u ask for?”

Anarchist articles?

To sell t-shirts?

At $100 for 500 words?

That’s not the pond that I play in.

Because I made a deal with the marketing devil a long time ago.

Yes, I sold my soul to him. In exchange, I get a series of ever-higher-paying contracts, working on ever-more interesting projects.

So the particular rates I would charge at this moment are really no use to this girl, or to you in case you’re wondering what you should be charging for your work.

But I told her something that the marketing devil taught me. And you might find it useful as well.

It’s a super simple price negotiation tactic. It works 100% of the time to get you an outcome you can be happy with. And it goes like this:

1. Ask yourself, “How much would it take to honestly make this worthwhile for me?”
2. Make your potential client this offer.
3. If it works for them, great. If not, or if they try to haggle with you, tell them, “Thanks, but it’s not right for me.”

But maybe I hear you complaining, “This isn’t negotiation at all!”

And it’s certainly not the kind of nickel-and-diming, car-lot tactics you can read about in hundreds of Medium listicles. But like legendary copywriter and entrepreneur Mark Ford wrote recently:

“The difference depends on understanding that in business there are two fundamentally different kinds of negotiation: transactional and relational.”

In other words, if you use my simple devil-inspired price negotiation tactic, and you end up doing business with this client, you’re on good footing to form a long-term relationship that both sides are happy with.

And if you don’t end up doing business with them, for whatever reason (they can’t afford you, or they don’t value you enough, or they are simply lowballing jackasses), then you don’t really have a negotiation problem.

You have a lead generation problem. Which is another topic, for another day. For today, let me just say I solved my lead generation problem in the beginning by going where everybody says you shouldn’t go.

And that’s Upwork.

In case you want to see how I made very good money by dealing with quality clients that I actually landed on Upwork, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer

The delusional Madame Copywriter

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I was at the opera tonight to watch a rather racy piece called Madame Butterfly.

It’s set in early-20th-century Japan, and it’s about an American navy officer who marries a Japanese child bride, gets her pregnant, and then leaves her with the promise to come back soon.

Three years pass, and the situation is getting desperate.

The guy still hasn’t come back. The kid is growing up. And money is running out.

Madame Butterfly (the Japanese child bride) gets into an emotional fever.

She’s sure her American husband is coming back imminently.

Butterfly’s maid is there on the side, her head in her hands, knowing the guy is probably never coming back, and trying to caution some reason into her mistress.

Because it’s hard to see the world as it is once you get into an emotional fever.

It could be because of love. Or it could simply be because of other kinds of investment, such as of time, effort, or skill.

For example, I think that’s one of the main reasons for businesses to hire an outside marketing consultant or copywriter.

A hired marketing gun can come into a business, and evaluate both the marketing assets and liabilities, without the emotional baggage that the people inside the business carry.

And actually, that’s why I’ve always doubted the hackneyed argument that copywriters should be able to sell their own services. It usually goes like this:

“If a copywriter can’t sell his own services, how can he expect to sell other people’s stuff?”

Well, because he won’t be the delusional Madame Copywriter in that case. He’ll have an impartial third-person view, rather than a hysterical first-person view.

Anyways, I wouldn’t say that I’m brilliant at selling my own copywriting services. But I’m trying to make do, writing a little self-promotional post every day, while waiting for my long-lost love to pull back into harbor on his American warship.

But don’t let that fool you.

Because even though I might not be brilliant at selling myself, I am brilliant at selling other people’s stuff. Well, at least I’m very good at it. And if you want to see some lessons I’ve learned about promoting various ecommerce products through hardcore advertorials, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to approach a mentor

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Do you know the story of puss in boots?

I won’t retell it all here, but the gist is that puss gets his owner, a poor and hopeless young man, in favor with the local king.

Puss does it by showing up to the king’s door over and over, bearing gifts. One time it’s a dead rabbit. Another time it’s some partridges.

“A gift from my master,” says puss in boots, “the Marquis of Carabas.”

And then one time, when the king is going for a friendly Saturday afternoon ride by the riverside, puss in boots makes it seem like the Marquis of Carabas is drowning there.

“Save that man tout suite,” the king orders, “for he is a gentleman who has sent me many fine gifts.”

And so the poor and hopeless young man is transformed into a real-life Marquis of Carabas, for a while at least.

I’m telling you this fairy tale because it has to do with cold emails. Specifically, emails (or LinkedIn messages, or Facebook, or whatever) that you might send to somebody that you hope will be your mentor.

It’s a good idea to approach your mentor bearing valuable gifts. After all, it worked so well for puss in boots. But a dead rabbit or a bunch of partridges don’t impress today like they did back in puss’s time.

So what can you do?

Well, you might try offering helpful tips… or ideas… or even your services for free. And I’m sure those things can all work on occasion.

But here’s a better approach. I heard about it today while listening to an interview with Steve Schwartzman, who happens to be one of the world’s 100 richest men, and also somebody who’s in charge of about half a trillion dollars’ worth of assets.

When asked what thing of value a poor and hopeless young man should give as a gift when approaching a powerful mentor, Schwartzman said:

“Well it’s interesting. One thing of value is flattery. People’s self-images are always unpredictable to the person who’s approaching them. And the fact that you’re approaching them helps them self-validate. The fact that you’ve thought about that person, and there’s something you do want to learn from them, there’s some piece of advice you want. All you have to do is say in effect, ‘I want to go on a journey. I want to change what I’m doing or i want to achieve something. You’ve done a bunch of that… Can you describe to me how you do that?'”

So there you go, young puss. Go out and flatter people.

Or rather, take an interest in what they are doing, and approach them with genuine interest and genuine compliments. Do it over and over. Next thing you know, you might be transformed into a real-life Marquis of Carabas.

Get yer own Falkor

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One of my favorite books as a kid, and even now, is The Neverending Story.

If you’ve seen the Hollywood movie that was made from the book, you might know there’s a boy in there named Atreyu.

Atreyu lives in the great land of Fantastica, and he has to go on a quest all around the borders of this immense kingdom.

How’s a little boy gonna be able to cover these vast distances?

No problem. Atreyu hitches a ride on the back of Falkor, a benevolent, furry, white “luckdragon” who happens to fly at great speeds.

Now I think this is a good image to keep in mind in your own life as well.

Because as much as I like The Neverending Story, these days I like another book even better.

It’s called Positioning, and it’s written by Al Ries and Jack Trout.

Positioning is all about how to market products, and how to find a mental slot for them in your customer’s mind.

But one part of the book also talks about positioning yourself, and achieving personal success. And it’s here that Ries and Trout make a throwaway comment that I found very meaningful:

“The truth is the road to fame and fortune is rarely found within yourself. The only sure way to success is to find yourself a horse to ride. It may be difficult for the ego to accept, but success in life is based more on what others can do for you than on what you can do for yourself.”

Like I said, I found this very significant.

Maybe because my tendency is to try to always do everything by myself. It’s very natural to me. But it’s also very slow and ineffective.

So if you too have similar tendencies, then maybe you’ll get some value out of the Ries and Trout quote above.

And maybe you’ll consider finding yourself a horse to ride. Or even your own Falkor.

An inconvenient truth and goals

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In a slap to avocado-munching environmentalists worldwide, a new study published in Nature reports an inconvenient truth:

Organic farming is worse for the environment.

Yes, organic practices reduce climate pollution caused directly by farming.

But they also reduce crop yields.

Which means more land has to be used to feed all the hungry mouths out there… which means more forests have to be cleared… which releases more carbon into the atmosphere… which is bad, bad news for those cliff-climbing walruses in the Arctic.

So will Greta Thunberg and her ilk finally start lobbying for heavier pesticide use?

Will they up their ingestion of GMOs to fight climate change?

Just my guess… but I think it’s unlikely.

I’m sure Greta will find a way to save the world, and all the people in it…

While still being strict and saintly about the food she puts into her own body.

In other words, she will continue to move toward her goal, while still staying true to her basic principles.

If that’s what she does, then good on ‘er.

I mean, I’m personally very callous about climate change. And I prefer my food as inorganic as can be. So it’s not like I’m personally invested in the outcome of resolving climate change while keeping our veggies and fruits “crunchy.”

I just feel that the basic recipe — keep moving forward, adjust when you realize you’re slightly off course — is the core of success in any field.

And you don’t have to take my word for it. Maxwell Maltz, who wrote the super influential self-help tome Psycho-Cybernetics, preached something similar:

“Your brain and nervous system constitute a goal-striving mechanism that operates automatically to achieve a certain goal, very much as a self-aiming torpedo or missile seeks out its target and steers its way to it. […] The torpedo accomplishes its goal by going forward, making errors, and continually correcting them. By a series of zigzags, it literally ‘gropes’ its way to the goal.”

Conclusion?

1. Have a clearly defined goal
2. Grope towards it
3. Allow your brain to correct course as needed

Simple? ​​Yes.
​
​But also your best bet for eventually getting to where you want to go — even if that goal is uncertain, complex, and has never been achieved before.

An alternative to royalties

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A few days ago, I got an email from a potential new client.

He’s a fitness trainer with 1) an impressively muscular body, 2) a couple of brick-and-mortar gyms somewhere in the UK, and 3) a pretty healthy online following, totaling around 50k people across various platforms.

Good stuff. But not nearly as impressive as one specific bit of this guy’s background:

He has consulted several A-list Hollywood stars, and helped them get in big-screen shape for superhero and action movies.

Hmmm…

Anyways, this fitness trainer has an online sales funnel he wants to improve. It runs like this:

Facebook ads -> free lead magnet -> thank you page with $17 ebook offer.

The trouble is, the thank you page isn’t really pulling its weight.

It only gets a 1% conversion rate.

And when I took a look at it, I could see a few reasons why.

So I gave the guy some simple suggestions — do better “above the fold,” highlight the sexy Hollywood stuff instead of burying it, rename the actual offer, etc.

The fitness trainer liked the ideas. And he wanted to know…

How much would I charge to write this up?

Well, I’ve lately been moving away from flat-fee deals.

For copywriting, that usually means asking for a royalty — a percentage of the revenues generated by the copy.

But in this case, I had a feeling the guy wouldn’t be open to a royalty structure. Maybe I had good reasons… or maybe I just chickened out. But the upshot was I made him two offers:

1. A flat fee of $x, which would make it worthwhile for me to work on this project

2. A flat fee (50% of $x) plus a bonus (another 50% of $x) for each 1% bump in conversions I could provide

Option 1 is safer for me and less attractive for the client. The client would rather have Option 2 (so he told me), particularly since the bonus he would be paying me would be “free.” It would be less than the increase in revenues he gets each day he runs traffic to this funnel.

On the other hand, this Option 2 is more risky for me. If I fail to produce, I get paid less.

But the upside is also greater — if I manage to get more than 1% increase in conversions (and I think I can), then I also get paid more in total.

So if you’re a copywriter, this payment structure might be something to keep in mind.

And if you’re a business owner, and you’ve got a great product, Hollywood-level social proof, and terrible marketing, then write me an email. Because I’ve got an offer I’d like to make to you.

5 sources of entertaining inspiration

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Email marketing guru Ben Settle says the cornerstone (at least one of them) of his successful strategy is something called:

Infotainment.

(That could be either a combination of “informal” and “attainment,” or “information” and “entertainment.” Take your pick.)

The thing is, if you look around the great email marketing landscape, you will see that most businesses and marketers have a much easier time with the information part of this formula, than with the entertainment bit.

And no wonder.

Teaching stuff, or at least appearing to teach stuff, is easy. That’s why teachers don’t get the big bucks.

On the other hand, entertaining, while it might seem trivial, is actually hard. It takes thought and practice. And nobody gets any credit for “appearing to entertain.” You either do or you don’t. That’s why people who genuinely entertain, like Eddie Murphy and Rob Schneider, get the money and the chicks.

So what to do?

Well, if you are not naturally entertaining (and who is?) then you will have to study, practice, and try to improve.

The good news is, there are lots of examples of entertaining content out there. In fact, we’re swimming in it. For example…

Syndicated newspaper comics, such as Garfield or the Far Side.

Or shock radio and entertaining podcasts, like the Howard Stern Show or the Joe Rogan Experience.

Or actual comic books, and their monstrous movie imitations.

Or late night talk shows, with their recurring characters, skits, and familiar format but ever-new content.

Or even newspapers. Particularly tabloids, and their incredible headlines (“Headless Body in Topless Bar”).

So if you’re having trouble crafting infotaining emails, try studying some of these sources, and see what you can copy, model, and mimic.

Or just get in touch with me and hire me to write for you. Because, while I’m not Rob Schneider-level yet, I’m actively working on it.

A quick disgusting story

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I had something disgusting happen to me yesterday.

I was having breakfast, my usual fare of testosterone yogurt, steel-cut oatmeal, and a few frozen raspberries and blackcurrants.

So I sat down in my usual breakfast armchair and took hold of the oatmeal bowl. On the underside of the bowl, though, I felt something dry and hard.

“EW!!!”

It turned out to be a dead, flattened, and desiccated insect of some sort, perhaps a cockroach. I instinctively shook it off my hand and stared after it in disgust.

How the hell did it get under my yogurt bowl? And where did it come from in the first place?

I zoomed in over the cockroach corpse. And as my eyes adjusted, so did my brain. It wasn’t really a dead insect. Instead, it was just the dried calyx from a cherry tomato that I had eaten last night. But in that split second, my overactive and anxious brain had convincingly transformed it into something much grosser, more frightening, and more unpleasant.

I don’t have a particular point in telling you this story except to illustrate one thing:

You’ll often hear that good copy is based around a story. And you’ll see many people take this advice to heart.

“I had some yogurt this morning,” they will start. “Yogurt is my favorite breakfast food and this morning was no different. The end.”

(I’m exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.)

Yes, that’s a story, but it’s not very good. And it doesn’t really have a place in sales copy. Because sales copy requires stories that are dramatic, or that evoke strong emotions – fear, surprise, or even disgust.

So keep that in mind in case you’re writing some copy of your own. And in case you want help writing dramatic stories, you can find more of my disgusting advice here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Europe’s most wanted women

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Europol, the European policing agency, which I believe employed Inspector Clouseau back in the 1970s, has just put out a provocative misinformation campaign.

It’s called “Crime Has No Gender,” and it shows 21 wanted criminals.

Their crimes include drug and weapons trafficking (Croatia), organized crime (Romania), murder (Belgium), and fraud (Sweden).

Of these 21 listed criminals, 18 are women. The conclusion being that women can be just as successful in the criminal arts as men.

Lies, I say.

Because even a cursory search of the statistics will show you that men commit serious crimes at a much peppier clip than women do.

So what exactly is the point of the Europol campaign?

Well, aside from the inspirational but false message that women can do anything they put their minds to, maybe Europol is just trying to warn European citizens that, yes, if you do see a woman grabbing a kid at a playground and dragging that kid into an unmarked van, then she might indeed be a kidnapper. Because women can be kidnappers, too.

This actually isn’t such a dumb idea.

Because the brain has a feature, or maybe a bug, called the “availability bias.”

We tend to judge probabilities by the ease with which we can think of relevant examples.

“A woman kidnapper? Gee, I haven’t seen too many movies like that. But a male kidnapper, now I’ve seen lotsa movies like that.”

And if you’re wondering what this has to do with copy, then the answer is…

Everything. Really everything. Let me say it one more time — everything.

Because if you want to make the availability bias work in your favor, just keep repeating your main claims over and over throughout your copy.

And then repeat them again.

Even though you might think it’s transparent… or tiring… or even dumb.

Repeat your claims two dozen times in half as many pages.

Because if you write the rest of your copy well, your reader won’t notice. But he (or she!) will finally remember and understand what it is you’re trying to say — and he (or she!) might even believe you by the time you dare ask for the sale.

Speaking of which, I’ve got an offer for you. I won’t make any claims about it — because it’s too late now, you wouldn’t believe me since I haven’t repeated them a dozen times. But if you want to check out my offer, then take a peek here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/