The four horsemen of the Upwork apocalypse

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A friend asked me about Upwork recently.

He wanted to know, are there red flags for job listings? In other words, are there some jobs you should never apply for, because the clients are guaranteed to be trouble?

And lo, I had a vision.

Four horsemen. Each more awe-inspiring than the one before.

Now these four horsemen do not bring death, pestilence, famine, and war. But they do bring frustration, low wages, uninteresting projects, and stress. Let me tear open the four seals of my upcoming Upwork Bible, and tell you about them:

1. The blue banana horseman

Riding on a perfectly normal job listing, this horseman carries a banner. And on that banner, it is written:

“Add the words ‘blue banana’ at the top of your application so I know you read this whole thing.”

This horseman is very clever. And he’s too clever by far for any decent freelancer. If you engage with him, be warned, it will end in frustration.

2. The waffle horseman

This horseman arrives in a cloud of mist.

In his hand, he carries a waffle. That’s because he doesn’t know what he wants, or he cannot express it. So his job listing is ominously broad:

“Looking for an expert to help me grow my business through marketing. You need to know video editing and design and copywriting. Added bonus if you’re good at Excel.”

What this horseman is really saying is, “My business isn’t profitable yet. But heavy is my burden of small, confusing tasks. Come inside my empire and you will be rewarded meagerly.”

3. The pied pier horseman

This horseman can be recognized from afar by the symbol blazing on his chest. It reads:

“Rewrite this paragraph to prove to us you’re right for this job.”

The pied piper horseman does not do this because he’s trying to cheat you or get something for nothing. Instead, it’s because he thinks of freelancers like lemmings: small, requiring tight corralling, and incapable of independent thought.

Beware of following the pied piper horseman, because he will lead you over the cliff into uninteresting, menial work.

4. The grim reaper horseman

The Upwork grim reaper does not hold a scythe in his hand. Instead, he carries an hourglass, which has just run out of time. This horseman has a tight deadline, requiring an 8,000-word VSL, which needs to be done by this Thursday. And he needs you to start work on it NOW.

If you allow this horseman to wrap you up in his raven’s wings, expect untold stress to descend upon you. At least until Thursday, and possibly even later.

Now these creatures and others haunt the Upwork job listings page.

They are not evil. But neither are they righteous clients.

I advise you to stay away from them, and focus on better work. And as for that Bible I mentioned at the start:

You might like it if you are wandering through valley of Upwork. It will show you how to avoid the unrighteous clients, and to stay on the path that leads to the light ie. high hourly rates. To get notified once I complete this book (in the next week or two), inscribe your name on the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

How to get copywriting clients quicker than a jackrabbit on a date

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After three days, I’ve finally finished watching A Christmas Story.

So let me share one final lesson with you from this great movie.

In one scene, while setting up the lights on the Christmas tree, the fuse blows out. No problem. As the narrator says:

“The old man could replace fuses quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.”

Which suggestive image I guess is one for the parents watching.

It’s also a great phrase, and it’s going in my great phrases list, which also includes gems such as:

lost like an idiot on a moor
a lame invalid of a sofa
oppression olympics
horse it in
a curable romantic

… and many, many more.

Why use these weird phrases?

Well, as Parris Lampropoulos says in the new episode of David Garfinkel’s Copywriters Podcast, when you tell people something new, it creates a dopamine dump in their brain. They literally become addicted to reading your copy.

Now Parris was talking about new facts and new ideas. But methinks new and surprising phrases have the same effect. And that’s why I’ve been putting together this list, and reaching into it regularly.

Anyways, if you want to rustle up copywriting clients quicker than a jackrabbit on a date, I have something that can light your fuse.

It’s my upcoming book on the business of freelance copywriting on Upwork. More info here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Sticking your tongue to a frozen pole and other marketing tricks

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Continuing from yesterday, here’s another hidden marketing lesson from A Christmas Story:

Two boys, Flick and Schwartz, are having a scientific discussion while walking to school on a winter morning. Says Schwartz to Flick:

“Hey, listen, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to metal light poles in winter. And he says it will freeze right to the pole just like I told you.”

Flick considers this and replies:

“Baloney. What would your old man know about anything?”

And the next thing you know, the kids are out in the school playground. One triple dog dare later, and the unbelieving Flick is sticking his tongue to the frozen flagpole. Sure enough, his tongue is stuck, and the fire department has to come to get him unglued.

So what’s the marketing lesson here?

Well, this morning I was listening to an interview with one of the most successful, most highly paid copywriters in the world, Parris Lampropoulos.

Parris was asked what the biggest problems are that he sees with sales copy.

The first was hackneyed claims (ie. “get rich at the push of a button”).

The second was a lack of proof.

Specifically, Parris said many ads only have one kind of proof, and that’s testimonials.

Now testimonials can be great. If you have good testimonials, they can certainly help you make the sale. But not all testimonials are convincing. After all, what does your old man know about anything?

And even if you can get a testimonial from somebody who’s not a direct member of your family, there are often other, stronger kinds of proof you should include.

Like asking people to stick their tongue to a frozen pole to try it themselves.

Or explaining how the sticking effect has to do with the extreme difference in thermal conductivity between pole and tongue.

Or appealing to authorities like Bill Nye The Science Guy — or even Parris Lampropoulos.

Anyways, this is a big topic and I will cover it in more detail later. For now, just one more thing:

If you are looking to convince potential freelancing clients that you would be a good person to hire, then testimonials can help.

For other forms of proof that can help you win freelancing work, check out my upcoming book on making a career as a sales copywriter on Upwork. More info here:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

A Christmas Problem

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It’s Christmas Eve tonight, so I wanted to write a Christmas-themed post.

I rummaged around my brain, and remembered a great scene from the movie “A Christmas Story.”

Little pudgy Ralph, the main character, gets a snowball to the eye from the neighborhood bully, Scut Farkus. Scut then taunts him:

“What are you gonna cry now? Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on!”

But instead of crying, instead of running off, instead of just standing there and taking a beating, little Ralphie slowly but surely goes berserk.

He jumps on Scut and beats him to a pulp while a “steady torrent of obscenities” pours out of him.

A problem, about to become an opportunity

Great scene. All I needed for my post was to tie this scene in with some kind of marketing lesson. One problem though.

I couldn’t come up with anything.

I went through a long list of marketing lessons I’ve collected over time. I went through lots of half-baked email ideas I’ve previously laid aside. I sat and stared at the ceiling and hoped for inspiration.

But nothing.

So I gave up. And I went back to re-reading Joe Sugarman’s Adweek Copywriting Handbook. And in there, Joe mentions off-handedly how he always looks at problems as opportunities.

For example, one time he was selling a calculator below the recommended price through an ad in the Wall Street Journal. The manufacturer then complained to Joe about the low price.

“No problem,” said Joe. “I’ll fix it.”

And he wrote a second ad for the WSJ, explaining how he has to raise the price because the manufacturer is complaining, and inviting customers to buy the calculator before the price goes up.

Problem? Yes, and an opportunity too. The second ad outpulled the first one.

So I decided to apply this lesson to my problem (no marketing idea for today’s post), and here we are, you and I, learning something together.

Anyways, no Christmas post would be complete without a present. The present I have for you is currently in the oven, and should be ready in a few days’ time.

It’s my book on becoming a successful sales copywriter on the online platform Upwork.

If you want to get notified when I finish it up, sign up at the link below. And of course, have a merry Christmas, and may you wake up tomorrow to a Red Ryder range model air rifle waiting for you under the Christmas tree.

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

Cross-dressing for negotiation success

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“No, I wear men’s suits. I got this out of a bin.”
— Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin Inc.

Here’s an inadvertent but brilliant negotiation lesson from the TV show The Office:

Michael Scott, the regional manager, is about to have a salary negotiation with one of his employees, Darryl. Michael is dreading the negotiation, and he’s preparing with some awful negotiation tactics he got from Wikipedia. But when the actual negotiation starts, it all falls apart quickly.

Darryl states his demands.

Michael lamely tries to refuse, and then:

Darryl notices that Michael is wearing “lady clothes.”

Could it really be that Michael is dressed in a Hillary-like women’s pant suit?

Let’s see.

The buttons are on the wrong side.

There are no pockets on the pants.

And the label inside the jacket reveals it’s made by the MISSterious label.

The thing is, though unintentional, this is straight out of the book of expert negotiation coach Jim Camp.

One of Camp’s tenets was:

In a negotiation, only one person can feel unokay, and that person is you.

In other words, contrary to conventional wisdom, you don’t want to dominate or lord over the other person when you negotiate. Not if you want a negotiation outcome that sticks. Instead, you want to make the other person feel okay — with themselves, and with the interaction.

One way to do this is to be unokay yourself.

For example, by accidentally dropping your papers all over the floor.

Or forgetting your briefcase at home and asking for a pen and paper.

Or, as Michael did, by inadvertently dressing in a women’s pant suit.

Does it work?

Camp used to swear by it. And by the end of the The Office episode, Michael winds up getting a raise for both himself and Darryl. As he says, “win-win-win.”

Personally, I haven’t tried these unokay gambits myself. But the underlying message — make the other person feel okay — is something I regularly use when talking to potential Upwork clients, and it’s served me well.

If you want to know more about my Upwork strategy, including how I got to be a top-rated sales copywriter on the site and how I get paid $150/hr, then sign up below. I’m currently putting together a book about my Upwork experience,  and if you sign up, I’ll let you know when the book is out. Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

How Slack got too big to racially profile

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A few days ago, an Iranian guy studying in Canada gut kicked off messaging platform Slack.

U.S. companies are not allowed to do business with people from Iran, and somehow, Slack picked this guy out even though he was based in Canada.

Who cares?

Everybody. Slack is valued at over $7 billion, and the story of the Iranian guy quickly went viral and made the front pages of news aggregators, under accusations of racial profiling.

That’s incredible, when you think about the history of the company.

Slack started as an offshoot of a failed game company run by a guy named Stewart Butterfield.

Glitch, the game they were developing, never went anywhere. But they took their internal messaging platform and turned it into a multi-billion dollar business.

And this isn’t the first time Butterfield has done this. He had another failed game before Glitch, and another side-project that emerged from that game which became a successful company. You might have even used it yourself — it’s Flickr, the photo sharing platform.

So what’s the point?

Well, it’s simply the attitude of pivoting to what the market actually needs.

As it is for tech entrepreneurs like Stewart Butterfield, so it is for copywriters, or even information marketers.

For example, when I got started on Upwork as a copywriter, I was trying to focus on writing autoresponder sequences. I think the title on my Upwork profile read “Email copywriter for soap opera sequences.”

There wasn’t that much demand. However, people started hiring me to write cold emails, even though I didn’t even know what the hell those are. So I become a “Cold email specialist.”

I eventually moved on from cold emails (I don’t believe they work well, and when they do, you don’t need a copywriter). But then lots of clients started hiring me for advertorials and writing Ben Settle-style daily emails, so I pivoted again. I’m currently selling “Hype-free sale copy (Emails, Advertorials, and Sales Letters).”

What does this mean for you?

If you’re looking to build up your freelancing career on Upwork, get going now. The market will quickly tell you which services you should offer, which ones you should drop, and which skills you should develop.

And if you’re looking to maximize your Upwork success, from a guy who gets paid $150/hr and has a 100% job satisfaction rating, check out my upcoming book. It won’t make you a Slack-like success. But with the info inside and with a little dedication and work, you will soon be an Upwork force to reckon with.

For more info, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

The illogical root of all buying decisions

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Back in 1985, a strange case came to light.

It had to do with a man only known as Elliot.

This Elliot was a man of above average intelligence, a successful businessman, and happily married.

It then turned out he had a big brain tumor, which doctors successfully operated to remove.

Elliot seemed to be fine after the surgery. His intelligence, memories, perceptual skills, learning were all in tact. Only one thing was missing.

Elliot had lost most of his emotional capacity. Doctors figured this out by showing Elliot gruesome videos, which didn’t create any kind of reaction in him.

That part was expected, because the surgery removed a part of the amygdala, which is involved in emotions.

What wasn’t expected were some bizarre effects of this.

After the surgery, Elliot would take 30 minutes to decide which color pen to use. He’d take several hours to decide where to eat lunch. He wasn’t functioning at work any more, he lost his job, and eventually his wife divorced him as well.

What was happening?

Elliot could no longer make a decision.

It turned out that emotions, filthy illogical emotions, are actually necessary to making a decision. This includes all decisions (including buying decisions), even ones that seems to be made based on logic alone.

And here’s something interesting.

Antonio Damasio, the neuroscientist who examined Elliot and published a book about his case, has a theory about how the brain makes decisions, and how emotions come into play.

If Damasio is right, then the most effective way to stir emotions is not trough hype.

Or power words.

Or melodrama.

Instead, it’s something much simpler, more subtle, and effective.

I’ve even done it in this email. If you look close enough, you’ll be able to spot it.

I’ll also discuss it in more detail in my upcoming book on email marketing for the health space. To get your free copy when I finish this book up, sign up below:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The “fresh fish” sales argument

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Here’s a true story about hypocrisy:

It has to do with DVDs.

About 10 years ago, if you bought a DVD to play at home, you would first have to sit through a little educational video. The short video had a driving, Prodigy-like soundtrack, and it said:

“You wouldn’t steal a car…”

“You wouldn’t steal a television…”

“Downloading pirated films is stealing.”

“Piracy. It’s a crime”

Tell me more, Mr. DVD.

You see, it turns out that driving Prodigy-like music in the background, which was used in the original video and was distributed to millions of DVDs, was actually pirated.

A Dutch musician by the name of Melchior Reitveldt wrote the music for the Dutch royalty organization, under the agreement that it was to be used one time at a local music festival.

Once Reitveldt realized his music was being used across the world without his permission, it took him quite a bit of time and effort to actually collect his royalties from that same Dutch royalty organization, which had cheated him earlier and which was crying about piracy.

Anyhow, I’m not here to talk about copyright.

But copywriting, on the other hand, we can discuss.

You see, today I was writing an advertorial for a dog seat belt. I didn’t even know these existed until a few days ago, but it makes perfect sense.

Your dog goes in the car.

If he’s not restrained, he can jump in your lap while you’re driving, jump out the window when he sees a biker, or get catapulted when you hit the brakes.

It seems that woke dog owners are fully aware of this fact.

And one statement many dog owners repeatedly made was an echo of the piracy ad:

“You wouldn’t let your toddler walk up and down the back seat… So why would you let your dog do it?”

There’s something here.

In fact, the great Gary Bencivenga used this argument as well, when selling premium, fresh-pressed, mail-order olive oil:

“You and I insist on fresh milk, fresh eggs, fresh fish, fresh meat, and fresh produce. Don’t we deserve fresh olive oil???”

So in short, this “You wouldn’t… So why would you…” formula can often (not always, see the piracy ad above) be an effective sales argument to throw in.

And since I first noticed this argument in that Gary B. sales letter, I will from now on call it the “fresh fish” argument to help me remember it for the future.

On an entirely other note:

If you need fresh advice on how to get started as a copywriter, specifically on the online platform Upwork, you might be interested in my upcoming book on the topic.

To get notified when I finish it up and make it available, sign up below:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

The night of the yellow ad

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On the evening of December 5th of this year, websites across the Internet started displaying an unusual ad.

There was no text on the ad.

No image.

Nothing was being advertised.

It was just a plain, 300×250 yellow square.

And to make things weirder, the revenues from these ads were huge. Some websites saw an 800% increase in their ad revenue. Altogether, this little yellow square, running for less than an hour, was responsible for somewhere between $1.6 million and $10 million in ad spend.

Was it all a brilliant marketing campaign?

Or some behemoth company that could afford to throw away millions of dollars on a bizarre stunt?

Neither, actually. The company behind the yellow ad was a small Australian ecommerce fashion brand called The Iconic. And the whole thing was a mistake, made by an ad team at Google, which helps companies learn how to use its ad platform.

(The Iconic apparently won’t be billed for Google’s mistake, and publishers will still be paid, I guess out of Google’s deep pockets.)

Now I’ve recently been dabbling with pay-per-click.

Not on Google, but on Facebook and, more recently, on Amazon.

So the story above is pretty relevant to me.

You see, any of these companies will gladly tell you how you should run your ad campaigns. They will give you advice. They will even offer to automate away much of the work.

The trouble is, even if they don’t make a nasty technical snafu like the “night of the yellow ad,” they aren’t really experts in marketing.

And I don’t think their advice really has my best interests in mind.

So instead, when I make my PPC campaigns, I keep it simple.

Instead of relying on the fancy advice of companies like Facebook and Google, I apply 100-year-old principles from Claude Hopkins’s Scientific Advertising, and go from there.

Does this apply to you?

Probably not. But it might be something to keep in mind in case you run (or are planning to run) paid ads.

On a related note:

If you are getting started as a freelancer on Upwork, I would also not go with the recommendations of that particular company for how to become successful.

Instead, I would recommend another resource.

It’s not 100 years old.

In fact, it’s not even published yet.

It’s an ebook I’m putting together right now, called How to Become a $150/hr, Top-Rated Sales Copywriter on Upwork.

If you want to get notified when I’m finished with this book and it becomes available, sign up below and I’ll keep you in the loop:

https://bejakovic.com/upwork-book-notification-list/

4 lessons from the ongoing Parris bonanza

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Earlier today, I contributed $297 to help a guy named Taki beat cancer.

I’ve never met Taki. I have no special connection to him. I’m also not naturally the type to contribute to charitable causes. So what gives?

Well, as the GoFundMe page says,

“If you donate $297 or more, Parris Lampropoulos will send you a thank-you gift. Just email him your donation receipt.”

Let me explain what this is all about.

1. Name recognition

I’d first heard of Parris Lampropoulos through an interview on Clayton Makepeace’s site.

Clayton is (or was?) a super successful copywriter.

And he regularly interviewed other super successful copywriters, including Parris.

After reading the interview, I was curious to see whether Parris had a blog, or a newsletter, or a book, or a copywriting course…

And he didn’t. He seemed to be a secretive, off-line kind of guy. A shame, I thought, and I filed the name Parris Lampropoulus away for later.

That’s an important point — I knew the name. Because then…

2. Touch-point barrage

About a week ago, it started to trickle in.

First, I read an email from Ben Settle.

Parris Lampropoulus is finally making available his copywriting wisdom! And for ridiculously cheap! And all in an effort to help his cousin Taki beat cancer!

Ben was the first, but certainly not the last, to make this announcement.

Over the next few days, I saw David Garfinkel, Brian Kurtz, Abbey Woodcock, David Deutsch, and probably somebody else I’m forgetting also promoting Parris’s offer. Here’s why this barrage mattered:

3. Sell to buyers

After I first heard of the Parris offer, I got excited. I then told myself to cool off.

“You’ve got enough copywriting books and courses to last you the next five years,” I said to myself. “Why buy more?”

But the thing is, over the past year or two, I’ve started freely spending money on good information. And I’ve found I never regret it.

In other words, I always get more out of the info I bought than what I paid for it. Maybe through winning new client work, or through being able to charge more, or through some mysterious opportunities opening up.

So in many ways, I was an ideal prospect for this offer. And when I got a second reminder about Parris’s offer — and a third, and a fourth, all from independent quarters — my initial resistance wore down quickly.

And there was one last thing that helped.

4. The charitable opportunity

Some people probably took up Parris on his offer specifically because they wanted to help Taki. But like I said, I’m not the type to contribute to charitable causes (yet — maybe this first experience will be a crack in the floodgates).

Still, the charitable offer did help to convince me to pony up $297. I realized this when I considered the alternative.

If this had simply been a new course launch, I probably would have held off.

A part of why is urgency — Parris will take this offer down once the funding goal is reached, and that probably wouldn’t have been true with a regular course.

But another part of it is the fire sale element of all this.

People rush to a fire sale because they feel they must be getting a steal. Because they think they are taking advantage of somebody else’s time of need.

I’m not proud of it, but I realize that, somewhere not very deep down, there was an element of this in my motivation to seize this opportunity.

So there you have it.

My analysis of an easy, enjoyable $297 sale, or rather purchase.

I think Gary Halbert once wrote that, if you want to do direct mail, you should buy stuff through mail, and allow yourself to enjoy the process. That way, you can understand what the process is like for one of your customers — to have doubts, to make the decision, to be excited about the purchase.

That’s what I did today. Besides, of course, helping a guy named Taki and getting a valuable and rare item for my copywriting library.

Anyways, if you’re selling something online, I believe you should be able to use any of the four points above to sell a little more of whatever it is you’re selling.

And if you’re interested in taking Parris up on his offer, before the fundraising target is met, here’s the link to the page that describes everything you get:

http://o.copychief.com/parris-lampropoulos