How to get going when you don’t know what to write

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The first part of the Big Con happens on a train. I’m talking about the movie The Sting, where Paul Newman plays Henry Gondorff, an expert con man, who’s looking to fleece a mob boss named Lonnegan. (Lonnegan killed off one of Henry’s old pals.)

So Henry is now on a train, where Lonnegan regularly runs a poker game. Lonnegan cheats. But Henry cheats better.

Of course, there’s a lot of detailed info necessary to out-cheat a cheat. That’s ok. Henry has got a whole team of tricksters and confidence artists on his payroll. One of them, a guy named J.J. Singleton, comes to give Henry the lowdown right before he goes in to join the poker game:

SINGLETON: “He usually plays with a Royal or a Cadenza. [handing him two sealed decks] I got you one of each. He likes to cold deck low, 8’s or 9’s.”

“That’s nice work, J.J.”

Armed with this info, Henry goes into the poker game.  He slaps some gin on his face, acts the fool, and cleans up the table. Lonnegan is furious — and hooked for the rest of the Big Con.

Several times, I’ve written sales emails that started out just like this post. In other words, they referenced a movie, and then tied it into what I was promoting.

Once, this was the X-Men — I talked about Professor X’s ability to read minds, and said how this would help guys who want to please their women better (this was for a “rekindle your romance” course). Another time, I started off talking about the Shawshank Redemption, and then tied this into an ebook on treatments for chronic kidney disease.

The thing is, in both those emails, I was stuck at first. I knew the movie tied into what I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how to make the link. I made several false starts that were weak or rambled on for too long. The answer in both cases was to pick a specific scene, and lead off with that. And that’s the marketing lesson I want to crystalize in this post:

When it’s hard to figure out what to write, the answer is almost always to look for more info. Sometimes, that means going out and doing more research. Other times, it simply means focusing more on the details that are already at my disposal — like picking a specific scene from a movie.

The case against steak upsells

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“Hell yeah we’ll take five more steaks if you cut the price”

Imagine going into a restaurant. You’re hungry and you’re raring for a steak. So you look over the menu, find your steak, wince a bit at the price, but decide to get it.

“I’ll have the 12-ounce steak,” you say to the waiter. He writes this down patiently in his notebook and then says,

“Would you like 18 more ounces of our fine steak at 50% off? You can always take it home with you if you don’t finish.”

Because you’re hungry and it’s a tempting deal, you order the extra slab of meat at a discount. But of course, when it arrives, you can’t finish it. You take it home, where it becomes more of a responsibility than a joy, sitting there cold and hard in your fridge. A few days later you toss it out.

Next time, you stay away from that restaurant. Somehow, you have a bad feeling. You spent too much money. You were emasculated by not finishing the steak. And you don’t need the temptation a second time.

I’ve recently heard a couple of contrasting positions on upsells. Just yesterday, I listened to an interview with successful copywriter and marketer Justin Goff. He talked about how the best upsells are often more of the same.

“Buying one bottle of supplements? How about 3 more at a discount?”

At the same time, Justin talked about the incessant need most direct response businesses have for new customers. According to Justin, new customers are the ones who buy the product, and even the ones who take up affiliate offers. That’s position one.

Then there’s Sean D’Souza. Along with a copy of his Dartboard Pricing book, I got a copy of a talk Sean did for the Ken McCarthy’s System Club. This talk is on the topic of consumption. And one of the things Sean says explicitly is that you don’t want to overwhelm your customers with product, even if they are willing to buy it.

Sean also talks about treating customers the way you would treat your kids — that is, looking out for them and charting a path for them down the line.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Sean’s business seems to rely on a much smaller number of customers, who happily keep coming back year after year and forking over thousands of dollars for Sean’s courses and trainings. It’s what Sean calls a focus on consumption over conversion. That’s position two.

So what’s the conclusion? I guess it depends on what kind of business you’re looking to run. If you want to scale quickly and max out revenue, then aggressive “steak” upsells make sense. If you want to have a long-term business, another strategy might be better.

For example, even in Sean’s way of running a business, the right kinds of upsells can have a place.

Imagine if in that restaurant, the waiter did something different. Imagine if instead of upselling you on more steak, he recommended a special beer on tap, and his favorite salad off the menu. This would still be an upsell, though it wouldn’t make as much money as selling more steak.

Your consumption experience would be much better. You’d be more likely to return. And the restaurant wouldn’t have to constantly worry about digging up new customers.

Shooting off a couple of impossible bullets

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An impossible bet

There’s a video of Ricky Jay at the end of a poker night, doing one last trick for his friends.

He fills a glass with water, puts a playing card on top of it. He then rolls up a second playing card into a little tube and puts this on top of the first playing card, and then puts an egg on top of the tube. “Here’s the bet,” he tells the rest of the guys. “I bet you that by throwing a card I can make the egg land inside the glass. Do I have any takers?”

It’s an impossible bet. The glass is covered by a card so there’s no way for the egg to get through. And all he’s got is some playing cards to throw. Of course, somebody takes him up on the bet. And yet, he throws the card, and gets the egg in the glass.

Today, I worked on a sales page for a video course on cryptocurrency investing. 80% of the sales page was bullets. Warning and danger bullets. Straight up benefit bullets. Curiosity bullets. And peppered in among these, a special breed, which I call impossibility bullets:

  • How to get an extra 10% return on your Bitcoin investment — even if the price doesn’t move one bit
  • How to take advantage of a crypto bull run — even while you sleep
  • How to safely use your cryptocurrencies — even on a computer infected with malware

Now that I’ve pulled them out, I realized they all had the same format:

HOW TO [GENERIC BENEFIT] — EVEN IF [SEEMINGLY INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE]

In all 3 cases, the bullets wrote themselves, because there was an underlying mechanism which offered a surprising benefit. At the same time, I don’t think I could get away with these kinds of bullets too often — people would get skeptical instead of curious. (Unfortunately, copywriting isn’t a magic show — and people don’t like to be fooled by a sales page.) In this case, I think it will work, because the remaining 90% of the bullets are more moderate, and because there is other proof throughout the rest of the copy.

The only way to evaluate copy

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Three wise men doing a copy critique

Professor Skridlov: Father Giovanni, how can you stay here instead of returning to Italy and giving the people there something of the faith which you are now inspiring in me?

Father Giovanni: Ah Professor. You do not understand man’s psyche as well as you know archeology. Faith cannot be given to men. Faith is not the result of thinking. It comes from direct knowledge.

I started re-reading Gene Schwartz’s Breakthrough Advertising. And right on the first page, he offers this warning:

“Copy cannot create desire for a product. It can only take the hopes, dreams, fears and desires in the hearts of millions of people, and focus those already-existing desires on a particular product.”

And here’s another related quote, this from Gary Halbert:

“You know, I’m sick to death of people who can’t be bothered with the little nitty-gritty details of “hands on” experience. Of people who believe that somehow they can know a thing without experiencing it. Listen: It is possible to be “conversant” with something and really not have any kind of “gut understanding” of it at all. I’m sorry, but no matter what your Mommy and Daddy told you, men can never really understand the pain of childbirth, priests cannot comprehend the joys of sex, “normies” can never understand alcoholics, and not one speck of true advertising wisdom has ever been written by a PhD.”

And finally, a bit from a recent Ben Settle email:

“This is, btw, why I don’t do critiques anymore. (Besides the fact I hate doing copywriting critiques) As Doug D’Anna put it in the same interview: ‘How can I offer somebody a copywriting critique on a piece of sales copy for a product or a prospect that I am 100 percent unfamiliar with?'”

Here’s how this ties together in my head.

Nobody can really judge good copy unless they are a prospect and ready to buy. Nice-sounding copy can bomb. Awful copy can sell.

So how do you write good copy? Research is important. So is experience. So is intuition. Then there’s feedback from other experts.

All that stuff is great, but ultimately, none of it is conclusive.

Fortunately, direct response copywriting is one area where we don’t have to agree to disagree. We can know which appeal is best. Even if we cannot see inside people’s hearts, and even though we cannot have their problems (or faith). And that’s simply through sales.

A bizarre example of disconnected infotainment

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Photographer Leopold Kanzler worked with this beaver for two weeks hiding apple slices in his camera to get this shot. “I’m not sure who had more fun, me or the beaver, but it seemed more than happy with receiving so many tasty treats.”

I just finished reading the Dartboard Pricing book from Sean D’Souza. It’s the first of his paid products that I’ve read. And there were many things from this book, besides the content, that I thought were worth adopting.

Once upon a time I read an article of Sean’s on the topic of infotainment. He had various bits of advice, and one of them was something like:  “You can connect or disconnect the entertaining part to the information part at will.”

In other words, if you are writing an email or a blog post or a book, it’s important that the email or blog post or book is fun to read. It’s also important that it has valuable content. The entertainment and the content can be connected, but they don’t always have to be.

In Sean’s Pricing book, he has lots of what you could call infotainment. Cartoons. Stories. And then, there’s a recipe for chicken biryani, spread over 3 pages.

The cartoons and stories tie into the content of the book. The chicken biryani does not, at least as far as I can see.

To sum up, connect or disconnect the infotainment at will. But my gut feeling is — there’s value in occasionally disconnected infotainment — it keeps people surprised and gives a sense of wonder.

I don’t think it’s something to do all the time. But once in a while, it’s better to throw in something fun and bizarre, rather than fun but reasonable.

The pigeonhole principle applied to email marketing

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In mathematics there is something called the “pigeonhole principle.”

At first, it sounds immensely stupid. Something like:

“If you have 20 pigeons but only 19 pigeonholes, and each pigeon has to go into a pigeonhole, then one pigeonhole will have more than one pigeon.”

No sh– Sherlock. But with a little creativity, mathematicians have found all sorts of complex and surprising applications of this simple principle. Still, they haven’t thought about marketing.

Three pigeons, just one pigeonhole. Something’s got to give.

I recently came across a successful business owner who wanted to send a sequence of “indoctrination” emails. Indoctrination emails are supposed to build a relationship without selling. I don’t think they are a good idea for multiple reason. Today let’s just talk about one that has to do with the pigeonhole principle.

When somebody subscribes to your email list, chances are very good they have subscribed to many other email lists. Perhaps they opted in on some web page for a free PDF. Perhaps they bought some supplement and put their email in when prompted. Perhaps they signed up to get notified of a webinar or of a sale.

What happens to all the emails all those businesses are sending and will be sending? Yep, they are arriving to the same inbox you are targeting. On the same day. And vying for the same attention and time of the person who’s supposed to read them. It’s the pigeonhole principle, applied to marketing.

Only, unlike in mathematics, this pigeonhole has limited space. You can’t fit infinitely many marketing emails into a real person’s day.

Which means:

Some emails will get skipped, ignored, and passed over…

Today
Tomorrow
And forever

And here’s how this applies to the indoctrination sequence: If you send out a “good-will” or “indoctrination” email (or two or seven), it might be the email that never gets read. That means that once you do send a “sales” email, your prospect won’t be as warmed up or indoctrinated as you might hope.

And yet, there’s a worse option still. And that’s when people read your indoctrination email, they like you, but they don’t know you have anything for sale (or they can’t get at your sales page easily)… And then, when your sales email arrives, it’s the one that gets ignored for good.

Now of course, this won’t happen all the time, and with every customer. And ultimatley, you still have their email address on your list, so you can follow up.

But why shoot yourself in the hoof before you’ve even started trotting?

There’s a simple solution to this problem. When you have somebody’s attention (when they’ve opened your email), build your relationship, build good-will, and offer your products for sale at the same time.

Speaking of which, if you do need somebody to write emails for your business in this vein, get in touch with me, because it’s a service I offer.

Why you should ride the void like Indiana Jones

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Stepping out into the void

“You must believe, boy”
— Indiana Jones’s dad

There’s a scene in the 3rd Indiana Jones movie where Indy has to take a leap of faith.

His father has been shot, and the only way to save him is to retrieve the Holy Grail, which cures and heals all.

Only one problem.

The Holy Grail is on the other side of an enormous rocky chasm.

There’s no bridge.

No way across.

“No man can jump this,” says Indy.

And then he realizes what he has to do.

So he takes a deep breath. Closes his eyes. And steps out into the void.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And yet he doesn’t fall.

Instead, he has stepped onto an invisible bridge, which, now that he’s stepped onto it, actually becomes visible, and leads him to the Grail. Father saved, evil guy defeated, the end.

I thought of this scene because I am trying to illustrate (to myself) and important copywriting lesson I heard today.

It came from David “world’s greatest copywriting coach” Garfinkel.

David was talking about the 6 main reasons that keep good copywriters from becoming great.

The first of these, however, is not limited to copywriting. In a nutshell, David is saying this first reason that holds copywriters back is a lack of confidence.

This might not sound like a great revelation, and in fact, it isn’t.

It’s what David said next that matters.

“How do you develop confidence?”

Successes can help.

So can failures, if you learn from them.

But according to David, neither of these is really the key to developing true confidence.

Instead, he says that confidence comes from knowing that you can deal with the inevitable setbacks that you will come across in any complex project. In other words, trusting that you will be able to problem-solve when the need arises.

I think the invisible bridge is a good metaphor for this.

The first time, it simply requires a leap of faith (that’s when you throw yourself into a situation without certainty that you will succeed).

From then on however, the bridge becomes visible, and you know that you can succeed — you have confidence — because success ultimately comes from handling real-life situations in real time.

And like I said, this isn’t limited to copywriting only.

It applies to any situation in which you need confidence.

For example, I’ve heard similar advice from pick-up coaches.

The RSD guys have a popular mantra, “You are enough.” To me, this  is ultimately about trusting that you’ll be able to handle yourself in the moment.

And daygame master Yad teaches something similar, except he phrases it as, “You have to learn to ride the void.” In other words, get comfortable with the tension of running out of things to say, because that’s when the best things happen.

So why ride the void?

The same reason why Indiana takes the leap of faith.

Because the Holy Grail is on the other side.

How to sell in paid products without alienating customers

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Uh oh.

My post from yesterday gave a bunch of examples of infotainment I plan to put into my upcoming book on essential oils.

But the examples I used were often taken from sales materials, rather than info products themselves.

Is this a giant screw-up on my part?

Let’s see.

Copywriting all-star Gary Bencivenga once said that sales material should be valuable enough to read on its own.

On the other hand, prolific marketer Dan Kennedy embodies the idea that paid products should also sell. (They can sell other products, or at least you as an expert.)

In other words, paid and free content can and should be quite similar. Here are a few other points to think about:

Also, former Boardroom exec Brian Kurtz talked about the kinds of premiums (aka bonuses) that Boardroom would give away with their books. What they found is that when somebody buys something, the best thing is to sell or give them more of the same. So if they are buying a health book, offer them 3 more health books as a bonus.

Finally, supplement marketer Justin Goff does something similar in the world of supplements: simply offer the buyer more bottles of the same supplement as an upsell.

And here’s how this ties back to info products or sales pages (or sales emails) that promote those products:

If somebody is “buying” your free promotional products…

In other words, if they tune in regularly to hear your personality and stories and lame jokes and whatever else you use to spice up your free promotional content, whether that’s emails, or blog posts, or speeches behind a podium….

Then it makes no sense to turn off that tap when you charge them money for an info product.

Of course, the paid product should be valuable and should close some of those loops that the free content opens. But it should continue to be entertaining (and even to sell) in the same way as your free stuff — or you will have some sore and disappointed customers.

And that in a nutshell, is why infotainment examples from sales letters — as well as more direct sales techniques — can go straight behind the paywalled curtain as well.

7 types of infotainment to stuff into your information product

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Right now, I am writing a book that I will sell through my essential oils site.

I know the subject matter very well, and I could drone on about it even if somebody slapped me awake in the dead of night.

But it’s boring to just hear lots of facts and warnings and instructions, and I worry that my book will turn out dull. Since I want people to actually read this book and to get something out of it, I have to make it fun as well as informative.

Enter infotainment: entertainment combined with information. It’s something I first heard about from email marketing headmaster Ben Settle. So for your benefit as well as mine, here are 7 different types of infotainment you can stuff to make your dry-as-dust information product more exciting:

1. Cartoons

Cartoons. Every few pages. They can be used to add some color, to lighten the mood, and to reinforce a point.

New Zealand marketing guru Sean D’Souza is a master of this. Here’s an example from one of Sean’s articles on infotainment:

2. Vignettes

The New Yroker magazine does this.

Vignettes are like cartoons, but they are smaller, spread over multiple pages, and not directly connected to the surrounding text. Here’s a couple of examples from the Aug. 22, 2016 issue:

3. Stories

Stories stick. They make otherwise boring content interesting. Plus they are fun to read.

I kick off my essential oils book by telling the true story of a 2-year-old boy who got burned in a fire, how his mom used essential oils to help his wounds heal more quickly, and how the surgeons marveled and approved from the sidelines. It’s a great story, and it illustrates the power of essential oils way better than arguing with statistics or hand-waving about anti-inflammatory molecules.

4. Fun break

If you read some of the sales letters by Gary “greatest living copywriter” Bencivenga, you will frequently come across sidebars.

Just like in a magazine, these sidebars serve as a fun break, a chance to talk about something interesting, and to draw attention to it.

For example, in the book I’m writing, while talking about different proven health benefits of lavender essential oil, I have a sidebar that talks about four entirely different locations around the world where lavender is grown.

And I include some local color. One of the places has a mysterious monument that a crusader supposedly set up. Another is a kind of Shangri-La, with perfect weather on an otherwise rainy and cold mountain. A third served as a prison for the last monarch of the Austro-Hungarian empire.

5. Images

Like cartoons. Images are best when they are both relevant and surprising, beautiful and informative. Kind of like the vignettes I included above.

6. Word fun

This is an area where Ben Settle shines. His emails are fun to read, and one of the big reasons why is all the creative and colorful and unexpected language he uses.

Plus they sound super-conversational. In fact, they are more conversational than real conversation.

Poet Anthony Madrid, who writes for the Paris Review, is also a past master at this. Here’s an example:

We take the phrase “once upon a time” for granted, but if you think about it, it’s quite oddball English. Upon a time—? That’s just a strange construction. It would be pleasant to know its history: When, more or less, does it get up on its legs? Around when does it become standard procedure? My researches into this question, however, have yielded nothing conclusive.

7. Analogies

Analogies are like stories: they make boring or preachy content palatable.

A few weeks back, I was working on a probiotics sales page, and I compared probiotics you can buy at the store to mystery meat in a rusty can. For the essential oils book, I’m planning on doing something similar, I just haven’t figured out yet what dangerous-but-familiar image to compare mommy blogs to.

So there you go. 7 ways to infotain. They are formulaic. They are mercenary. And they workses.

Prematurely moving out of Maslow’s basement

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Just coz it’s science don’t mean it’s true.

I’m currently reading Chip and Dan Heath’s Made to Stick. This brotherly tome teaches you how to present your ideas in a way that sticks in people’s minds — long after you’ve made your pitch.

Overall, I am digging this book.

But there’s one section that irked me when I read it. Somewhere along chapter 4 or so, the Heaths talk about how to make people really “hear” your message. How to get them emotionally invested. How to get them to care.

Of course, you can appeal to their self-interest, which is what direct response copywriters like myself love to do.

But no, say the Heaths.

That’s short sighted, and there’s science to prove it. So they cite research where people are asked to explain what would motivate them to take a new job:

Option 1: more security because the new position is so important

Option 2: more visibility because the new position is so important

Option 3: the great learning opportunity this important new position would provide

Apparently, most people choose 3 when explaining why they themselves would choose a new job. But when asked what they think other people would be motivated by, they choose options 1 or 2. (Short-sighted buggers, those other people.)

So the Heath brothers draw this conclusion, referring to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

In other words, a lot of us think everyone else is living in Maslow’s basement — we may have a penthouse apartment, but everyone else is living below. The result of spending too much time in Maslow’s basement is that we may overlook lots of opportunities to motivate people.

To which I’d say, “Interesting… But do you prefer going to the movies or to the theater?” It’s a question the grandpapa of modern-day direct marketing, Gary Halbert, asked once:

Once I asked at class at USC how many of them preferred to go to plays more than movies.

Lots of people raised their hands.

“Bull!” I said to them. “You are all fooling yourselves and I’m going to prove it.” I then asked for a show of hands of those people who had seen a play in the last week or so.

No hands.

I then asked to see the hands of people who had seen a movie in the last week or so.

Many hands.

Does this mean you always have to appeal to brute self-interest when trying to convince people? Not necessarily. This ad certainly doesn’t seem to:

MEN WANTED
for hazardous journey, small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful, honor and recognition in case of success.

This was an ad put out by Sir Ernest Shackleton, a polar explorer, and it supposedly drew an enormous response of men interested in accompanying Shackleton into the penguin-infested waters of Antarctica.

The point of all this?

Maslow’s basement can work.

So can Maslow’s penthouse.

But talk is cheap, and what people say is not necessarily what they will do. Even if they themselves wholeheartedly believe it.

So when choosing which appeal to go with in an advertisement, look at what people actually do, rather than what they say they want.