Ape outperforms Trump?

by

There was a gorilla video that went viral a few days ago.

It shows (wait for it…) a gorilla, sitting on its haunches, on a lawn in a zoo.

Then somebody offers to throw the gorilla some food.

To which the gorilla, by using a combination of sign language, nipple pinches, and chest pounding, effectively says,

“No thank you, we zoo gorillas are fed well by our keepers and don’t accept food from visitors.”

Smart ape.

And that’s why the internet went all warm and bubbly, saying things like,

“This gorilla has more impulse control than I do,”

and

“This gorilla has more impulse control than our president.”

But here’s the thing.

This viral video didn’t tell the whole story.

In the full version of the video, the visitor waits a few seconds and then throws the food to the gorilla after all.

The gorilla turns around to see if the keepers are looking, and seeing there’s nobody there, he sneakily eats the food, while staring directly at the visitor as if to say, “This stays between you and me, man.”

I bring this up for two reasons.

First, I want to bring gorillas down from their holier-than-thou pedestal. They lie and cheat when given the opportunity, just like other apes, including you and me.

The other reason is to point out the power of the story-within-the-story.

There are lots of professional tricks to telling a story in an engaging way.

But the easiest, and possibly most effective, is simply to crop your stories to make them more dramatic, impactful, and interesting.

That’s what happened in this case.

A gorilla that eats food thrown at it doesn’t make for much of a story.

But a gorilla with more self-discipline than your average human makes for good news.

So if you sense there’s a good story hiding in an anecdote you witnessed or in something you read, first ask yourself, “How could I cut this down for maximum effect?”

Because most of the details of the real event don’t need to be included — and can even weaken your case.

Anyways, if you need help writing stories, specifically for the purpose of making sales to your existing or potential customers, then you can find some ape-sized advice in the following little offer:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Big Bottom Sunday

by

“I saw her on Sunday, ’twas my lucky bun day, you know what I mean.”
— Spinal Tap, Big Bottom

I used to struggle writing daily emails until I made a small change.

It took me all of 5 minutes to set up, but it’s saved me hours and hours of frustration…

It’s made writing daily emails easier and more fun…

And it has created better results, by forcing me to ferret open some creative drawers I didn’t know I had.

So what was the change?

Simple. I made a “calendar.”

At the start of each month, I set up a planned-out structure for the type of email I will write each day.

It turns out creativity is easier with boundaries.

And it’s a lot easier with a lot of boundaries.

So for example, yesterday was a “On today’s date…” email. Instead of sitting and staring at an empty screen while waiting for inspiration, I went online, did 2 minutes of research, and found out it was the 50th anniversary of the first episode of Monty Python. The email wrote itself after that.

Same thing today. Today’s email structure is… well, I bet you can figure it out. Though I did have to tweak it to make it fit.

Anyways, if you’re struggling with topics for daily emails, then maybe a “calendar” of restrictions could help you, too. And if you want more advice to help you stimulate copywriting creativity, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Monty Python’s Emailing Circus

by

On October 5, 1969, exactly 50 years ago, stuffy middle-class families across the UK saw a strange sight on TV:

A man, choking and gurgling in the sea, was struggling to swim to shore. Once he made it to the beach, he stumbled a few steps, fell on his face, and said,

“It’s?”

The shot immediately cut away to the now-famous cartoon intro:

MONTY PYTHON’S FLYING CIRCUS

That was the first scene of the very first episode of Monty Python, which ran from 1969 to 1974.

The immensely influential show contained lots of random comedic ideas, splotched together. First minute of the first episode: Mozart announcing a Top 10 countdown of famous deaths, which are voted on by a jury.

Each of the disjointed sketches was mildly funny.

Over time, they got better.

Still, for me at least, Monty Python was never hilarious.

But it was a potent training grounds.

One of my favorite comedies of all time is A Fish Called Wanda, written by and starring John Cleese and Michael Palin, two of the big stars to emerge from Monty Python.

This film is funny from beginning to end, with every joke a perfect 10. ​​I don’t think this would have been possible had it not been for the extensive practice on the Monty Python show.

And the same thing happens when you write daily emails to your prospects or customers.

Each email is low commitment.

It needs to be done quickly.

You can test out ideas and see what people respond to.

It’s a training ground and a sandbox, with lots of collateral benefits.

One being that, when it’s time to produce a more involved, serious promotion, such as a sales letter or a new offer you want to create…

All that email practice allows you to hit a home run.

So if you haven’t started yet, consider launching your own Monty Python’s Emailing Circus. However, if the thought intimidates you, or you want some help getting started, then you can find some ideas here:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Completing a marathon in 54 years

by

You think it’s taking you too long to achieve your goals?

Well, let me tell you the unlikely story of marathon runner Shizo Kanakuri.

Kanakuri represented Japan in the 1912 Olympics in Stockholm.

Unfortunately, things were against him from the start.

The journey from Japan to Sweden took 18 days, and involved taking the exhausting Trans Siberian Railroad.

Upon arriving to the land of meatballs and pickled herring, Kanakuri found he also couldn’t handle the disgusting local food.

And to make things worse, on the day of the race, it was unbearably hot. Many of the runners tried to protect themselves by wrapping towels around their heads, to little effect.

Final outcome?

Kanakuri passed out halfway through the marathon.

And he was so ashamed of his failure to complete the race that he didn’t even notify the Olympic authorities. Instead, he left Sweden and made his way back to Japan.

Fast forward to 1967.

Kanakuri was 75 years old by then.

And the Swedish Olympic authorities, who had treated Kanakuri as a missing persons case across two world wars, finally tracked him down in Japan.

They invited him back to Sweden, so he could complete his half-done marathon.

Kanakuri accepted.

He went to Sweden, jogged across the finish line, and completed the marathon.

His time? A record 54 years, 6 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes and 20.3 seconds. Kanakuri said about his accomplishment:

“It was a long trip. Along the way, I got married, had six children and 10 grandchildren.”

So if your current goals are dragging, take comfort in knowing you probably still have a few decades on Shizo Kanakuri.

On the other hand, don’t use this tale as an invitation to dawdle and delay and drag your feet.

Like in Kanakuri’s case, it makes sense to accept helpful invitations, such as the one he got from the Swedish Olympic Committee. For example, if you are in the ecommerce business, and you’re looking for help in getting customers through advertorials, then here’s an invitation you might like:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

They promised us violence but when the theater doors opened…

by

For the past few days, newspapers around the country have been trying to scare us into seeing the new Joker movie. Here are some of the recent headlines:

“WEEKEND: ‘JOKER’ OPENS AS VIOLENCE FEARS SIMMER…”

“Studio Exec Warned: ‘Don’t Make This Movie’…”

“FBI on alert…”

Maybe I’m jaded, but this feels like a transparent marketing ploy by Hollywood execs.

Because I saw the trailer for the Joker a few nights ago. It didn’t seem interesting or intriguing. Though it did have a reference to the old Bob Monkouse joke:

“They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now!”

I can’t prove it, but I suspect this joke is itself a reference to a very famous ad headline:

“They laughed when I sat down at the piano but when I started to play!”

This headline has been ripped off, directly and indirectly, in hundreds or thousands of ads.

It’s become one of the great headline archetypes, along with “Do you make these mistakes in English?” and “How to win friends and influence people.”

But what makes the “They laughed” headline so effective?

Well, in just a few words, it starts to tell a story…

It introduces high stakes (nobody likes being humiliated)…

It creates intrigue and curiosity (“What happened when you sat down?”)…

And it implies a benefit (“I bet you showed them!”).

All that in just 15 words. I think that’s more excitement than you’re likely to get in 121 minutes of The Joker.

Anyways, keep the power of the “They laughed” headline in mind when writing simple stories in your marketing materials.

And if you want help in making those stories intriguing and curiosity-pumping, then you can find some specific advice in the following book on copywriting for advertorials:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How local businesses can drum up new sales with simple emails

by

Over the past couple of days, I’ve had an explosion of new email subscribers. I’m not sure where they’re all coming from or how they are finding me.

What’s even stranger is that among the usual gmail and hotmail addresses, I’m also seeing a bunch of emails associated with local businesses from all around the US.

A pest control company… a photography studio… a car repair shop… even a company that specializes in grinding knives and blades.

Anyways, if you’ve got a local business, then you might like this post.

Because I’ve prepared 10 ideas for emails to send your customers and leads. I’ve personally seen every one of these types of emails build a better relationship with customers, as well as drum up new sales for local businesses.

#1. “The telephone”

There’s a realtor from Tulsa, OK who is a master of local marketing. At first, she emailed her leads and talked about real estate. Nobody cared. So she figured out what people really wanted: her personal stories and pictures of her cute dog. This made people feel like she was talking to them, just like they were on the phone together. And her business took off like crazy.

#2. “The salt & pepper shakers”

There are a bunch of businesses out there that are complementary to yours. Example: photography studio -> catering service (for weddings and other special events). So you can simply send out an email recommending another good business you know about. Bonus points if you make it a tit-for-tat deal, where they promote you to their list as well.

#3. “The ‘OPEN’ sign”

Simple. Just use an email to answer a question that people are always asking you.

#4. “The nightly news”

Be a bloodhound for interesting local information. Good restaurants you’ve discovered. Special events that are going on. Cute spots not everyone knows about.

#5. “The light bulb”

You know that uncomfortable feeling when you’re driving in the rain and your windshield is getting fogged up? And how much of a relief it is to finally blast the heating and defog the windows? Well, that’s how your customers will feel when you give them a good metaphor to illustrate their problem in a new way.

#6. “The coupon book”

Give ’em a reason to come in to your store or shop, or to give you a call. Do it in a friendly and fun and entertaining way. And include a deadline.

#7. “The family Christmas card”

Share company news, even if it’s trivial. The key is to make it lighthearted and personal.

#8. “The vacation photo album”

Share industry news. Tread carefully, though. 99% of industry news won’t be as interesting to your customers as it is to you (like the realtor found out in point 1 above). Only share industry news if it’s colossally important, or if it’s amusing or a bit bizarre.

#9. “The magazine”

Write about other topics that your customers will find interesting. For example, there’s a company I follow that sells infrared saunas. In some of their emails, they also cover topics like detoxification… pain relief… and weight loss. All of which are of interest to the type of person who buys an infrared sauna.

#10. “The hammer”

Give your customers info to help them solve their problems. If you’ve got a pest control company, share your expert advice on how to prevent an ant infestation, or how to deal with minor cases. And then tell your customers to give you a call if the ants start to win out and the situation gets out of hand.

And there ya go. if you mix and match these emails, make them a little bit entertaining, a little bit personal, and a little bit useful, then your customers or prospects will happily read them each time you write. And more importantly, they will soon start to respond with their business.

Anyways, if you too want to get on my email list, so you can get more information like this every day, it’s easy and free to sign up. Just go here and follow the simple instructions:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Puerto Rico

by

I don’t know much about Puerto Rico except two things:

1) It gets regularly flattened by hurricanes

2) “International Man” Simon Black praises it as a good place to do business

Neither of those makes me really want to visit the place.

But I’m reading David Ogilvy’s “On Advertising” right now. Ogilvy is famous in copywriting circles for his Rolls-Royce ad:

“At 60 miles an hour the loudest noise in this new Rolls-Royce comes from the electric clock”

Along with Rolls-Royce, Ogilvy also wrote copy for many other massive corporate accounts. ​American Express. Shell. IBM. But he didn’t do advertising for products and companies only.

Ogilvy also sold countries.

His advertising agency produced big tourism campaigns for England, France, and, most famously, Puerto Rico. As Ogilvy says in his book:

“The biggest obstacle to tourism in Puerto Rico was its image. Research showed that people believed it to be the dirtiest, poorest, most squalid island in the Caribbean. Nothing could have been further from the truth, and this I demonstrated in advertisements. Tourism increased by leaps and bounds.”

Ogilvy created ads for Puerto Rico that captured attention… overcame objections… told a story… and most important, created a vision.

Do you want to see how?

Then check out the following ad for Puerto Rico from 1958, and see how Ogilvy creates vision, both through copy and through the image (taken by famous penny-pinching photographer Elliott Erwitt):

“Fugitive” headline on run for 45 years captured in 2019 ad

by

I read in today’s news that a fugitive in China, on the lam for 17 years, was finally caught inside the cave where he had been hiding.

Police couldn’t track him down for years.

But they finally found him by flying drones over a wooded mountain region where he had been living a Yeti-like existence for so long that he had forgotten how to speak.

This modern use of technology to rope in poor fugitive scum made me think of a much older technology.

The WANTED poster.

Or rather, the WANTED headline.

In his 1974 book Tested Advertising Methods, famed copywriter John Caples wrote that “Wanted” is a good word to use in headlines.

“Wanted — Man with car to run a store on wheels”

Fast forward to 2019, and this WANTED idea was just spotted scurrying across a subject line for an Health Sciences Institute email, which ran twice this month.

The thing is, not all headline formats that worked back in 1974 work today.

And in spite of the HSI email, you probably shouldn’t count on WANTED being a great headline format today.

However, the underlying idea is still very sound.

And that idea is to specifically call out your audience.

So looking back over the last couple of years, here are some examples of successful headline complexes that do exactly this:

* Confirmed: If you are over 60 as of January 1, 2019, you need to protect yourself now…
* Warren Buffett’s Shocking Advice to Americans Who Hope to Retire in the Next 5-7 Years
* Attention: Men & Women Over Age 50:

By the way, did you know Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan wrote a song titled “Wanted Man” back in 1967?

Cash sang it live at San Quentin Prison to a crowd of felons.

I’ve always liked this song for its list of no-name American towns that still meant something fifty years ago, as well as for the backing vocals, courtesy of Johnny Cash’s wife and her family.

If you have 3 minutes and 24 seconds, and you want to give this song a listen, here’s the original, outlaw recording:

Who wins: aggressive or submissive copy voice

by

Across the street from where I live, there’s an apartment with a nice terrace where they often shoot TV commercials for things like mayonnaise and general purpose loans.

Whenever they are getting ready to shoot one of these commercials, they send an advance man. He’s in charge of blocking off the parking up and down the street, so the TV crew trucks will have a place to park.

This pisses off the residents, who get nothing but frustration from these frequent shoots.

And so today, as I was coming out of my building, a heated argument erupted over this.

A guy with an SUV drove over the little orange cones and police tape and parked in one of the cordoned-off spots.

The TV crew guy in charge of the parking ran over yelling, “Stop! Get out of there! We’re a TV crew! I’ll call the police!”

“Call the police,” the owner of the SUV told him, “and go fuck yourself.”

They kept at it, repeating these same two lines over and over as I walked away and out of earshot.

Now, I’ve been writing about negotiation lately and this made me think of the okay/unokay advice from famed negotiation coach Jim Camp.

“Only one person can feel okay in a negotiation,” says Camp, “and it’s not you.”

That would have been good advice for the unfortunate TV crew guy. When I came home three hours later, he was still there, sitting dejectedly on the opposite corner of the street. As far away as possible from the still-parked SUV.

He had no hand. Yelling and threatening with calling the police was only counterproductive. It might have been better to try to be unokay and say something like:

“I know, man. I hate this job. I know you got no place to park and I’m sorry for putting these stupid cones to try to keep you out. The company makes me do this and it makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve got no right telling you not to park here. I’m just so stressed. When the TV crew comes later and sees your car parked here, they’re gonna nail me to the cross cuz they won’t be able to put the truck anywhere. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

I’m not sure the SUV driver would have bought it, but it would have been worth a shot.

But what about the SUV guy though?

Whole different story.

​​Being aggressive and inconsiderate worked for him. He got everything he wanted from this negotiation without making his adversary feel okay. Quite the opposite, in fact.

And that’s the application to copywriting.

Some copywriting gurus will advise a very aggressive and commanding tone of voice. “You’ve got my money,” they effectively say to the prospect, “now hand it over.”

Others advise being more skeptical and subtle — or even submissive. They basically offer the reader the chance to buy, rather than bullying him into buying.

So which one is better?

Well, just like in the parking situation above, it depends. Mainly on who you’re talking to, and what you’re offering them. A $27 bizopp offer, targeting frustrated retail workers, will use one level of aggressiveness. A $5400 business service targeting successful entrepreneurs will use another.

In other words, there’s no single answer. And if anybody tells you differently, it’s because they’re selling something — to only one type of market.

The riddle of the fragmented Nobel prize

by

Here’s a quick riddle for ya:

Back in 2016, the Nobel Prize in Medicine went to a biologist named Yoshinori Ohsumi.

In 2015, however, the Nobel Prize in Medicine was shared between two scientists who had worked together, William Campbell and Satoshi Omura. Actually, they only got half of the prize. The other half went to a third scientist, Tu Youyou, for her work on a completely unrelated problem.

I’ll give you the riddle in just a second. But first, here’s a potentially useful bit of info:

The 2016 prize was for Ohsumi’s discovery of how “autophagy” works in the body. This topic is interesting and important. But as far as I understand, it’s also rather theoretical and abstract, and unlikely to save lives any time soon.

On the other hand, one of the scientists who shared the 2015 prize discovered a drug to treat malaria. The other two recipients discovered a drug to stop blindness-causing parasites. In other words, their work is extremely practical and immediately useful. In fact, it has already been responsible for hundreds of millions of saved lives and prevented disfigurements.

So here’s the riddle I want you to ponder:

Why did the Nobel Prize committee award the whole prize to Ohsumi in 2016… but feel they should “pad out” the recipient list in 2015, and split it among two unrelated groups?

I don’t have the definitive answer to this riddle. And it’s probably just a coincidence.

But it reminded me of a book I’d read a while back called Disciplined Minds.

This book was written by Jeff Schmidt, a PhD physicist and the former editor of a reputable physics journal.

In one chapter of the book, Schmidt asks a variation of the riddle above:

Why do theoretical physicists get more respect than experimental physicists, even though both types of physics require the same intelligence, are equally well-paid, and are equally important?

Schmidt’s rather Marxist answer is that this is just a deeply ingrained copy of the power structures in our society.

The people at the top of any hierarchy just do the thinking, the abstract work, and the ordering about.

The people lower down in the hierarchy are tasked with the manual work of carrying out those orders from up high.

And that’s why any association with manual, practical work is likely to lead to less respect, less prestige, and perhaps, less Nobel Prize.

Do you think this might be relevant for copywriters, too?

It seems like a lot of copywriters believe it. They relish being being blissfully impractical.

“I just write the magic words, don’t ask me about anything else!”

But while this might work for physicists and Nobel Prize-winning biologists, I think it’s the wrong way to go in the field of direct response.

The deeper I get into this game, the more I learn that you should get your hands dirty.

This doesn’t mean you have to offer a one-stop shop where you do the copywriting and the design and the media buying too.

But if you can give clear and smart recommendations on design and media buying, your clients will appreciate it…

Your projects will be more likely to succeed…

And you will wind up with more money, more interesting future projects, and maybe even some respect and prestige. ​​And if you get all that, then who needs a Nobel prize, or a third of one anyways?