Star Wars

Use the Force to avoid copy that’s too long

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A long, long time ago, in a galaxy that’s pretty much the one we live in, I was wasting time doing “research” (ie. not writing when I should have been). But at least I discovered the following curious fact:

George Lucas’s early drafts for the Star Wars script talked about “the Force of Others.”

These early drafts gave detailed explanations of what the Force of Others was, how it tied into a “Kyber crystal,” and how there was a “Bogan” side and an “Ashla” side of it.

Following his better instincts, Lucas stripped out all the explaining in the final draft. He got rid of the crystal and the Bogan nonsense, and dropped “the Others” and simply called it “the Force.” Star Wars went on to become a pretty, pretty big hit.

There’s a copywriting lesson here. But first, here’s another illustration:

Back in 1982, Darryl Hall was writing the prototype of a song called Maneater. He was stumbling on the last line of the chorus. “Oh here she comes… She’s a maneater and a …”

Hall can’t remember the original final line, because his girlfriend told him to “drop that shit at the end.” So he did. Maneater went to the top of the charts ​and stayed there longer than any other Hall & Oates song. Hall said that cutting down the last line made all the difference.

Conventional direct response wisdom says that longer copy outperforms shorter copy. It’s been proven over and over in many tests.

Copywriter Victor Schwab, who wrote How to Write a Good Advertisement, definitely supported the use of longer copy. But Schwab also wrote the following:

“Some ads don’t need much factual under-pinning… The copy about some products can soar successfully — without ‘coming a cropper.’ An abundance of factual material merely inhibits its flight. If too explicit about the “why” and “hows,” such copy pulls the reader’s imagination up short.” ​​

I can’t give you a recipe for when you should take out the “whys” and “hows” of your copy. I think it’s a matter of having a good feel for your market and your product, and knowing what they need to hear — and what not — in order to make the sale.

In other words, trust your intuition. Or use the Force. The Bogan Force. Of Others. And stop yourself if you say too much.

I should have stopped there. But I have one final thing to say. I write a daily email newsletter. If you’d like to get my emails, much like what you just read, you can sign up here.

Marketing yokel discovers hidden way to write Ben Settle-style subject lines

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A long time ago in a galaxy pretty, pretty nearby, a marketing yokel subscribed to Ben Settle’s email list.

Now if you are reading this, odds are good you know who Ben Settle is.

​​No, he didn’t invent daily emails.

​​But he did do the most to popularize this marketing format… to develop it… and to teach it… so I and hundreds of other copywriters like me could get paid writing emails much like what you’re reading.

But let me get back to my story of the marketing yokel.

The very next day, our hero opened up his first Ben Settle email. The email had a big promise in the subject line, something like:

“How to have power & influence even if you don’t deserve it”

The yokel tore through the email. He was disappointed to find no step-by-step instructions there. Instead, he hit upon a link at the end, which led to a pitch for a paid newsletter.

“You got me once,” our marketing yokel muttered. “Never again.”

But the day after, a new email arrived from Ben Settle. The exact subject line is lost in the mists of history, but it might have been:

“What never to write in an email subject line”

Seeing this, our marketing yokel forgot his resolution from the day before. He opened this second email… chuckled a bit at the writing… and again hit a paywall.

“Ya sonova—”

Never again, right? Of course. The third day, another Ben Settle email arrived, with a colorful wrapper like:

“A secret way of using an ordinary pocket watch to get booked solid with paying clients”

Our hero hung his head, admitted defeat, and opened up the email to start reading.

Now here’s a Darth Vader-level reveal, which you might have seen coming. Cue James Earl Jones’s voice:

I AM that marketing yokel. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Fact is, I kept getting sucked into Ben’s emails until I eventually broke down. One day, I became a subscriber to his email newsletter. I stayed subscribed for over 3 years. Plus as of today, I’ve ponied up an extra few thousand dollars to buy his other books and promoted offers.

There’s more to Ben’s email system than great subject lines. But subject lines are a big part of it, especially in the early days.

Great subject lines take people who haven’t yet bonded with you… who aren’t familiar with your inside jokes… who don’t yet care about your personality and your unique views… they take those people and suck them in. Just like they sucked me in until I was ready to start buying.

But now I’ve graduated from marketing yokel to somewhat of an email marketing authority. So I’d like to share a subject line tip with you.

It’s something I learned from Ben, though he doesn’t explicitly teach it, not as far as I know. It’s a ready-made way to come up with great subject lines like the ones above. Take a look at the following:

“How to have ‘killer sex’ at any age even if you don’t deserve it”

“What never to eat on an airplane”

“How to stop smoking using an ordinary hairbrush”

These are all bullets from classic promos. Compare them to Ben’s subject lines above. You will see that Ben adapted these classic bullets, either in form or in intent, to create his own subject lines.

So that’s my tip for you for today.

If you have your own list and you want to start mailing it daily… then classic bullets offer great templates for your subject lines.

And if you have no list, but you’re hoping to work with clients…

Then to me it seems like email is it. For every successful VSL and sales letter copywriter I come across, I meet three others who focus only on email.

By the way, I mentioned yesterday I’d make a prediction.

It has to do with a stubborn belief, popular in copywriting circles, that long copy will never die.

Well, my prediction is it will.

My reasoning is that, in an age when most of us feel our sense of control is under growing threat, we become more sensitized to outside manipulation.

Anything that looks and smells like advertising will be the first victim of this new sensitivity. And 45-page sales letters will be the first to go.

I think there are signs of this already. Or maybe I’m just biased, because I myself have a hard time reading a long-form sales letter for products I’m personally buying.

In any case, email marketing is still holding on, and likely will for a while.

And if your client wants email, the first thing he (and his customers) will care about is subject lines.

So my tip for you (again) is classic bullets.

And speaking of classic bullets, my Copy Riddles program is open for enrollment for the next few days. It’s all about teaching you sales copy, using the mechanism of bullets.

No, Copy Riddles is not just for learning bullets.

It’s also not just for email subject lines.

But even if that’s all this program gets you to do… then I reckon it can easily pay for itself.

So in more words of Darth Vader, “You’ve only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training.” If you want to find out more about the power of bullets:

https://copyriddles.com/

Star Wars on Earth or elsewhere

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“It’s Star Wars on Earth!”

That’s what Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer said after reading a May 1983 article in California Magazine. The article described a special flight school for the Navy’s best pilots.

Bruckheimer knew he had to make a movie out of it. So he bought the rights to the magazine article — title, “Top Guns.” He got two screenwriters who loved flying to drop the final ‘s’ and start developing it into a script.

A couple days ago, I sent out an email with a Top Gun theme. That made me track down and rewatch a fantastic documentary I saw once on YouTube about the making of Top Gun.

The documentary is called Danger Zone. It’s got interviews with the film’s producers… the editors… the stars… the cameramen… the special effects guys… even Giorgio Moroder, the Oscar-winning composer who wrote and produced the iconic songs.

But it’s not just my boyish love of Top Gun that makes this documentary so interesting.

For one thing, it shows how complex it is to produce an hour and a half of seamless entertainment… how many specialists are involved… how much thinking lies behind seemingly simple parts… how many layers of subtlety go into even a jockish, commercial, fantasy flick.

But that’s not the biggest lesson I got from it all.

The biggest lesson — and what I want share with you tonight — is the role of chance and obstacles in the final result.

I won’t retell all the “this can’t possibly work” stories from the making of Top Gun. Watch the documentary for that. But if you’re interested in doing any kind of complex, creative work, the lesson is timeless:

Things will break. There will be deviations from your original plan. You will run into obstacles that threaten the very project.

That’s all normal. Expect it. Accept it. And with a bit of luck and good timing, the final result you produce will be stronger for it — Star Wars, in whatever market or niche you’re in.

Finally, here’s a blockbuster recommendation:

Sign up for my email newsletter. It’s free, and I share stories and ideas related to writing and marketing, much like what you’ve just read.

Use the Force to avoid copy that’s too long

by

George Lucas’s early drafts for the Star Wars script talked about “the Force of Others.”

These early drafts gave detailed explanations of what the Force of Others was, how it tied into a “Kyber crystal,” and how there was a “Bogan” side and an “Ashla” side of it.

Following his better instincts, Lucas stripped out all the explaining in the final draft. He got rid of the crystal and the Bogan nonsense, and dropped “the Others” and simply called it “the Force.” Star Wars went on to become a pretty, pretty big hit.

There’s a copywriting lesson here. But first, here’s another illustration:

Back in 1982, Darryl Hall was writing the prototype of a song called Maneater. He was stumbling on the last line of the chorus. “Oh here she comes… She’s a maneater and a …”

Hall can’t remember the original final line, because his girlfriend told him to “drop that shit at the end.” So he did. Maneater went to the top of the charts ​and stayed there longer than any other Hall & Oates song. Hall said that cutting down the last line made all the difference.

Conventional direct response wisdom says that longer copy outperforms shorter copy. It’s been proven over and over in many tests.

Copywriter Victor Schwab, who wrote How to Write a Good Advertisement, definitely supported the use of longer copy. But Schwab also wrote the following:

“Some ads don’t need much factual under-pinning… The copy about some products can soar successfully — without ‘coming a cropper.’ An abundance of factual material merely inhibits its flight. If too explicit about the “why” and “hows,” such copy pulls the reader’s imagination up short.” ​​

I can’t give you a recipe for when you should take out the “whys” and “hows” of your copy. I think it’s a matter of having a good feel for your market and your product, and knowing what they need to hear — and what not — in order to make the sale.

In other words, trust your intuition. Or use the Force. The Bogan Force. Of Others. And stop yourself if you say too much.

I should have stopped there. But I have one final thing to say. I write a daily email newsletter. If you’d like to get my emails, much like what you just read, you can sign up here.