Psychology Behind Advertising

The moat of asking for help

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A few months ago got an email from copywriter Suraj Punjabi. I know Suraj from the PCM community I worked in as a coach last year.

Suraj and I exchanged a couple emails, in one of which Suraj opened up and shared some pretty personal stuff. I’m reprinting it below, with Suraj’s permission. It’s a long message but worth reading in detail if you are looking for clients, copywriting or otherwise. Says Suraj:

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I’ve been on a dry spell since April, but I finally landed a gig thankfully.

It turns out I was busy doing cold outreach that didn’t bother looking at my own data.

So in January, I did just that. Gave cold outreach a break and looked at my own data hard.

And I noticed that literally 100% of my clients for the past 5 years came from referrals through connections I made from Facebook.

I felt pretty dumb for abandoning such a proven strategy in favor of cold emailing.

So, when I went back to leveraging this strategy, I immediately started getting inbound leads.

One of them, a 9-figure powerhouse in the keto space, just became a client.

In fact, I’m starting with them TODAY.

Oh and another gig I got was working under a senior copywriter who currently has his plate full and needed help with emails.

I’ll never forget the lesson life just taught me.

Some coaches swear by cold outreach, others by Upwork, LinkedIn, or X.

They might be right in their own way.

But nothing beats looking at your own past data to see where most of your clients have come from and doubling down on that.

Of course, this is not exactly newbie stuff. You need to have solid data. And I have 5 years worth.

Since PCM until today, I have sent at least 5000 cold outreaches using different strategies.

I have done PCM, I have tried sending conversation starters…

I have tried sending personalized Looms to show them how they can get more subscribers to their list…

I have pitched low risk offers like helping them write a blog just to get my foot in the door.

I made a LinkedIn profile and paid monthly for the premium subscription.

I even went back to Upwork to compete against $10/email copywriters! 🤢🤢🤢🤢

And none of those strategies held a candle to simply reaching out to my Facebook network and asking for help.

Not saying those other strategies don’t work. Perhaps they do work for some people (I know PCM works for A LOT of people), but it didn’t work for me.

Felt like a fish being told to fly. haha.

I felt so stupid when I realized it.

But oh well.

Lesson learned.

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Two things to point out:

The first is the obvious — expert opinion doesn’t mean much compared to your own direct experience.

The second is less obvious, and it’s where Suraj says, “And none of those strategies held a candle to simply reaching out to my Facebook network and asking for help.”

Asking for help.

Most people don’t have a problem asking for the time, or for directions, or for a book to borrow.

But asking for help finding work — something that suggest genuine unokayness on your part — is something that few people are willing to do.

I never really did it when I was a freelance copywriter, and in need of work, except tentatively, with a few previous clients. (Even that rare and hesitant asking for help got me new leads.)

All that’s to say:

Asking for help works. People like feeling helpful, useful, and important.

At the same time, most people won’t ever ask for help, not in things like getting work, because it’s too threatening to the ego.

That just means that, if you can get over your own hesitations about asking for help, then you’ve just created a kind of moat around yourself and your success, which the hordes of others in your industry are not able to swim, jump, or walk across.

That’s my message for you today.

My offer to you today is my new 10 Commandments book, because this asking for help is actually Commandment I in the book.

It’s easy to read this book and think, “Oh these are interesting ideas, maybe I could use one of them in an email or a headline.”

But the fact is, each of the commandments in this book deals with the fundamentals of effective communication, and each is applicable to pretty much any problem you might be facing, whether personal or business. If you haven’t yet gotten your copy:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

“Don’t tell me what to think!”

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I got on a plane a couple days ago. As we were waiting on the tarmac following boarding, a typically incomprehensible announcemnt came on over the PA:

“Good afternooon ladies and gentleWAGGG this is your caBTANG Daniel GWOCKXHYHY BHGGeaking. Due to a HSINGLT BNT XXXOXFFWGDDDEDDELOXHGGGHRE, BBBNJDIO YDIOW NCHUNFI SX KNNI 30 minutes. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

The woman sitting in front of me flagged down a stewardess. “What did the captain say? That we will be late?”

The stewardess nodded. “We will be 30 minutes late taking off because we lost the slot. We have the next slot in 30 minutes. But it’s ok, it’s not a big deal.”

“Not for you!” said the woman in front.

The stewardess tightened her lips. “It is for ME,” she said. “But it isn’t for YOU.” And she marched off.

I wrote this down because it made me chuckle. Such a commonplace interaction. One person says something designed to offer consolation or advice… the other person bristles at this… the first person bristles at the bristling.

As you might already know, you can’t tell anyone anything.

Even helpful or benevolent statements can and will be twisted into their opposites. It’s a reflex that’s as reliable as a kick when you tap on somebody on the knee. And if you don’t agree with me, that just proves my point.

All of this raises the question, how can you possibly communicate with others, when you can’t tell them anything?

I have much to say about that, but I can’t tell you about it — at least not here. Like I said, that wouldn’t work.

Instead, what I’ve done is I’ve written it up in a colorful book, my new 10 Commandments book.

The topic of reactance — of people bristling whenever they feel somebody is telling them something, or trying to influence them or steer them — is one of the main currents that runs through this book. Eventually, it bubbles up to the surface in Commandment VIII, “Thou shalt tell nothing.”

If you’d like to find out what thou canst do, since telling is off the table:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

This kind of email drives more sales than the average

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Here’s a free marketing tip for you:

If people are buying, it makes sense to advertise the fact.

In the many promos I’ve run within this email newsletter, I’ve always found that when I write an email in which I share a message from someone who’s just taken me up on the promo offer, it drives more sales than your average sales email.

As an example:

Since Monday, I have been running a little promo, the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle, for my original 10 Commandments book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

That promo is ending today at 12 midnight PST.

The whole idea behind the promo has been to pile on the bonuses. The little time I’ve had to write emails has been eaten up by spelling out what exactly people get inside the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle.

And so, though people have been buying, I haven’t had time to advertise that fact. Lemme fix that now. Here are a few messages I got from readers who took me up on this offer over the past 24 hours.

First, from email marketer Logan Hobson, who lives in Japan:

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Alright John,

I got 5 copies of “Book” coming to Japan.

Yes, even though I could have ordered them from Japanese Amazon and gotten free shipping with Prime (which is cheaper here than in the US), rankings and sales on the US Amazon have more impact for you so I ordered them from my US Amazon account.

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Second, from copywriter and marketing consultant Chuck Gibson:

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John,

Receipt attached.

I, of course, already have the book, but not printed copies. But it’s the bonus intrigue that hooked me. Very interesting offer.

And a cool way to get your Amazon sales up. Now I have copies to give to certain protégés.

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And third, from a reader who I’m guessing doesn’t want me to share his name:

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Alright, you got me. This is the worst possible time for me to spend any more money since I have to go on a multi-country trip in 45 days and gotta save as much as possible.

Frankly I don’t even KNOW what I’ll do with every book, Maybe leave one in every Airbnb I stay at as a parting gift? That would be funny but anyway, your bonuses are always amazing and they will be great companions for all the travels.

===

As a result of the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle and of dedicated readers and customers like the above, the paperback copy of my 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters has jumped from an Amazon book ranking of 1,016,096 at the start of the promo to a current ranking of 75,795.

In the process, it’s leapfrogged such industry standards as Mark Ford and John Forde’s Great Leads, Brian Kurtz’s Overdeliver, and Dan Kennedy’s No B.S. Direct Marketing.

So much for the education/demonstration part of this email. Now for the sales.

Like I said, the chance to get the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle ends tonight. If you have taken me up on this offer, check the bonus area I gave you access to, and you will find the following:

#1. Copywriting Portfolio Secrets (Price last sold at: $97)

In this training, I show you how to build up your copywriting portfolio in the fastest and most efficient way, so you can start to win copywriting jobs even today. I show you the best way I’ve found to win 4- and 5-figure jobs I REALLY wanted, even when I wasn’t qualified for them, and how you can do it too.

I previously sold this training for $97. But it’s yours free inside the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle, which also includes my…

#2. No-Stress Negotiation For Well-Paid Copywriters (Price last sold at: $100)

This guide outlines my 7-part negotiating system, which I adapted from negotiation coach Jim Camp. This system kept me sane while I still regularly interviewed and worked with copywriting clients. Follow these seven principles, and you will end up making more money, working with better clients, and being able to stick to it for the long term.

I only offered this information before as part of the $100 Copy Zone guide, which also featured….

#3. How To Get Set Up On Upwork

This free bonus is an excerpt from a short self-published book I wrote once, How to Become a $150/Hr Sales Copywriter on Upwork: A Personal Success Story that Almost Anyone Can Replicate. It tells you how to actually get set up on Upwork — the details of your profile page, your description, your title.

If you combine this bonus with the two bonuses above — Copywriting Portfolio Secrets and No-Stress Negotiation — you have a great shot of winning a job on Upwork by the end of this week, or even today.

#4. Dan’s Timeless Wisdom (priceless, or $25k+)

Between August of 2019 and March 2020, I was in Dan Ferrari’s coaching group. As you might know, Dan started out as a star copywriter at The Motley Fool, and went on to become one of the most successful, most winning, big-money direct response copywriters working today.

Inside his coaching group, Dan dispensed copy critiques, marketing advice, and mystical koans to help his coaching students get to the next level.

At some point, I had the bright idea to start archiving the best and most valuable things that Dan was saying. I got 25 of them down, and they are all included in this document.

(By the way, I never tallied up the exact and rather painful amount of money I paid Dan for the coaching. It was north of $25k. I do know I made it all back, and then some, in just the first two months after I stopped with the coaching, thanks to just one tip I got from Dan.)

#5. Copy Riddles Lite (Price last sold at: $97)

Copy Riddles Lite includes one of the 20 rounds included in my full Copy Riddles program. The round is composed of two parts, in which you practice writing sales bullets, and compare what you wrote to what Mel Martin (as well as several other A-list copywriters) wrote starting with the same prompt.

Do this, and you very quickly realize how much skill went into Mel Martin’s bullets. Fortunately, you also very quickly manage to leech some of that skill from Mel Martin, without spending the months and years of agony it took him.

And once you get a taste for Martin’s skill, then the next step is natural:

#6. “How to Turn Fascinations into Fortunes: Copywriting Secrets To Fascinate, Captivate, And Dominate” (Price last sold at: $97)

Lawrence Bernstein, “the world’s most obsessed ad archivist,” once hunted down a collection of all of Mel Martin’s million-dollar ads for Boardroom, along with other control-beating ads Martin had written for the New York Times book division.

Lawrence then printed out the ads, stuffed them in an envelope, and mailed the collection to Marty Edelston, the founder and CEO of Boardroom.

Did Edelston get a kick out of seeing those old ads that helped build up Boardroom? He sure did.

Marty Edelston was so grateful for these ads that he sent Lawrence a thank-you note, along with a check for $2,000.

If you’d like to see these ads yourself, and study them, and model them for selling your own products, then Lawrence put them together into a collection he called “Turn Fascinations Into Fortunes.”

Lawrence got $2,000 as a thank you for putting together this collection of ads. He then sold this collection for $97.

But you don’t have to pay $2,000, or even $97 for “Fascinations Into Fortunes.”

I’ve made a special deal with Lawrence so you can get “Fascinations Into Fortunes” free, along with Copy Riddles Lite, as part of the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle.

#7. “How I made an extra $1404.53/month in Amazon royalties at the push of a button”

This report outlines a hack, which involves the push of a button — literally, that’s all there is to it — and which made me an extra ~$1.5k per month in Amazon royalties. I used this hack once, over the span of a few months, or rather a few weeks. I made money with it. And I never used it again.

I’m not saying anybody else should use this hack. I’m not saying anybody else should NOT use it either.

All I’m willing to do is to tell you what this hack is, why I’m no longer using it myself, and how you can try it out yourself, if you so choose, to make easy money off Amazon.

And that’s it.

Those seven bonuses, with a real-world value of $386, counting just what they sold for previously, are what you get if you’ve already taken me up on the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle.

And if you haven’t yet taken me up on it, here’s how you can:

1. Get five (5) paperback copies of my original 10 Commandments book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

2. Forward me your Amazon receipt.

I will then set you up with the Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle.

The deadline is tonight at 12 midnight PST. After that, no more bonuses — I am merciless about this. To get in while the doors are still open:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

How to get my highly coveted Infostack bonuses

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Last month, right after I announced the publication of my new 10 Commandments book, I got a message from a reader named Richard:

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Your book is a masterpiece and a gem on its own, no doubt about it.

But if you ever want to throw in a lil somethin’ extra … the 4 bonuses you gave away in 2023 for the InfoStack affiliate promo would perfect, IMO.

(Specially, since I missed them, and have beaten myself up ever since. Ha.)

Big congrats, John — you slammed it outta the park once more!

Best,

Richard

P.S. Just bought my copy today, can’t wait to dive in.

===

My ego, which had been quickly inflating upon reading that my book was a “masterpiece” and a “gem,” deflated when I got to the PS, and realized that Richard apparently hadn’t even read the book he was giving me such over-the-top praise for.

That made me immediately resistant to his proposal. Maybe there’s a lesson there.

But about that proposal:

Back in 2023, I participated in something called the “Infostack Copywriting Bundle.” For $50, you could get a copy of my original 10 Commandments book, 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters, plus 13 other ebooks and courses by various other copywriters.

Frankly, I couldn’t vouch for all those other books and courses, and if they are worth $50 in aggregate.

And so, to make sure that anybody who took me up on this bundle got their money’s worth, I also offered four free bonuses. Those bonuses had a total real-world value of either $197 or ∞, depending on how you add it up.

The bonuses were apparently highly desirable. Not only did I end up selling a healthy number of copies of the “Infostack bundle” to satisfied buyers, based mainly on the strength of the bonuses, but I had people like Richard writing me about the bonuses even a couple years later.

Anyways, I replied to Richard to say that it makes little sense to me to give away the Infostack bonus bundle with the new 10 Commandments book.

Like I wrote above, I was turned off by the fact he was buttering me up without even reading my new book.

More importantly, my new 10 Commandments book is not primarily about copywriting or primarily intended for copywriters. Plus the new book is only $5 in ebook format and $10 in paperback, so the on $197/∞ in bonuses is a bit of an overkill.

But — I have learned not to shrug off suggestions from readers, even if I don’t follow those suggestions as given.

So I asked myself, why don’t I do something with that Infostack bonus bundle?

I paced up and down my laboratory, asking myself what I could do.

Finally, inspiration struck.

And so, starting tomorrow and ending on Thursday, I will have a $50 offer, along with which I’ll be giving away the Infostack bonuses. I’ll also included several other real-world bonuses, for a total bonus bundle that adds up to $386 or ∞ in real-world value, depending on how you add it up.

In Richard’s honor, I will call this the “Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle.”

As for what the core offer will be, and what exactly is inside the Infostack bonuses I will be including inside my “Buttered-Up Bonus Bundle” — full details on that tomorrow.

Reader tells me to give up on the 10 Commandments

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A couple weeks ago, after I wrote an email in which I announced the imminent release of my new 10 Commandments book, a reader decided to reply with:

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Some advice… give up on the Book of 10 and take hold on the Promise of 1 – just as you so neatly summarised in this email. 1 is so much better than 10 in that, that single promise fulfils all the old hat laws you could ever throw at it.

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I never bothered to reply to this, and the reader has since unsubscribed from my list.

That’s just as well. What follows wouldn’t be useful to him, but maybe you can benefit from the advice I was silently thinking of for this reader, which I couldn’t share for reasons that will be obvious if you read on:

Don’t tell people they’re wrong.

Particularly, don’t tell people they’re wrong if they are a couple of years into a project, the way I was with my now-released 10 Commandments book.

Even if you’re right, people have to find out on their own. And in telling them, you will only antagonize them.

Ironically enough, the very first commandment of my new 10 Commandments book is directly related to this issue.

That first commandment (of 10) goes beyond keeping mum when you’re sure somebody is making a mistake, and tells you some proactive and positive things to do in order to take advantage of the underlying human psychology, which makes people so resist being told that they are wrong.

My ex-reader won’t profit from the advice in that commandment. But you can:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

1 week, 1 review

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One week ago, I published my new 10 Commandments book. Since then, I’ve sold around 200 copies. I’ve also gotten exactly one review, a five-star one from email copywriter Anthony La Tour.

I’m grateful to Anthony for his review. He did what he could for me.

But one review? It don’t look good to have a book with one review. What gives?

A part is that this new 10 Commandments book is longer than my previous 10 Commandments book. It’s taking people longer to read. Maybe more reviews will come when a few more people finish.

Another part is that Amazon is slow to approve and propagate reviews.

A couple people have written me that they’ve submitted reviews that Amazon has not yet published. And in the UK Amazon marketplace, two good souls, copywriter Andrew Harkin and craftsman writer James Carran, both gave me nice 5-star reviews, which are not yet shown in the US Amazon store.

And finally, still another part is that effective email marketing is to blame.

About a dozen of my readers who have audiences of their own have promoted my book to their lists, which is a kind of review that doesn’t show up on Amazon. Plus another dozen or so people have replied to my daily emails to tell me that they like, love, or adore the new book.

I’m grateful to everyone who has written me or promoted my book or reviewed it.

Now let me share with you my favorite review, which has come not from a copywriter, not a list owner, not a direct marketer, but from one of my best friends, Sam.

Sam and I have known each other for 20+ years from our time subsisting on popcorn and beer while studying computer science at the birthplace of NLP, the University of California at Santa Cruz.

During those 20+ years, Sam and I have mostly maintained a kind of dry, sarcastic, bantery interaction with each other, which tends to shy away from emotional confessions and naked sincerity. But here’s what Sam wrote me yesterday:

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I just finished your book. I love it. Yes, yes, just like your mom’s praise you think I’m saying this because you’re a good guy and a better friend but it is really fucking good. I am impressed that you finished it and impressed by how good it is. The stories are great, the pacing is great, and even people that didn’t know anything about it would find it intriguing. I’m imagining if we came across it in the UCSC library return cart or at an Airbnb we would be intrigued enough to crack it open and captivated enough to finish it. BJ all around! [“BJ” is Sam’s shorthand for “brilliant job.”]

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I’ve confessed before how to my non-entrepreneurial brain, praise from readers is more much meaningful than sales made. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is a fact.

(I’d be much more successful if I only cared more about money, but like Rich Schefren says, you gotta put your business goals ahead of your personal development goals.)

Sam’s praise was particularly meaningful. And in case you’re wondering whether this might possibly have anything to do with you, except being a shameless plug for my new book, here’s the basic idea:

Ultimately, most people care about the praise and respect of others above almost all other things. Even the people who care much more about money than I do really just care about money as a means to get that praise and respect.

Maybe this is obvious to you, or maybe it seems trivial. What might not be as obvious or trivial is how this very fundamental human need for praise and respect translates into specific episodes of influence, across various disciplines ranging from boardroom negotiation, copywriting, screenwriting, and yes, confidence games.

In case you would like to dig into this topic a little more deeply, so you can apply it to your business or everyday interactions, you can find it drilled and fracked inside Commandment I of my new book. Commandment I, because it’s that fundamental. To find out more:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

God I hate marketing

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I was at the gym yesterday, listening to a Spanish-language podcast — two likeable and chill Mexican guys, Hector and Beto, having a conversation in Spanish about ordinary things.

Halfway through the episode, Hector said the Spanish equivalent of, “And now we have to tell you about our new sponsor.”

I ran to my phone in desperation so I could skip ahead before hearing anything about the sponsor. I still heard the guys continuing the conversation for a bit, now about a new language-learning app.

After I skipped past the sponsored content, I thought, how odd. I mean, I listen to this podcast for the comprehensible input, and because I like these two guys. What does it matter if they’re talking about the traffic in Mexico City versus some new language-learning app?

I recently had a conversation with my friend Sam. Somehow that conversation veered to the 90s TV drama My So-Called Life, which was supposed to represent the lives of teenagers at the time.

I remember the cool, hot guy in that show, played by Jared Leto, casually mentioning in one episode that he was going to a Dinosaur Jr. concert. That made my teen self dismiss Dinosaur Jr. for the next 15 years. I figured if they were being plugged on TV, they must be shit. (Later, I somehow rediscovered Dinosaur Jr. and thought they were amazing.)

The point is, I hate marketing. I use the word “hate” because it’s adequate to represent the strength of my feeling here. I hate having somebody step into my life and tell me what to think or do, or worse yet, helpfully “suggest” it in a way that seems altruistic but that is of course self-interested.

And yet…

I have frequently bought stuff because I was marketed to. I have bought courses, subscriptions, clothes, food, shoes, and books because of marketing.

I’ve also bought experiences — hotel rooms, trips, rental cars, conferences, and one time, a hot-air-baloon ride — because somebody marketed it to me.

I’ve probably made even more fundamental choices in life — universities to apply to, cities to live in, careers to choose, attitudes to believe in — based on marketing.

In each of those cases, had I thought about the marketing at all, I would have been grateful for the guidance and help, at least at the moment of purchase, and if the actual product or service turned out to be good, later as well.

Aaron Sorkin once talked about good manipulation vs. bad manipulation. “There’s no difference,” said Sorkin. “It’s only when manipulation is obvious, then it’s bad manipulation.”

I used to think Sorkin was right. I don’t think so any more.

I don’t think it’s about obvious vs. non-obvious.

Good manipulation is simply the manipulation that ends up working. At least that’s what I can see in myself.

When somebody successfully manipulates me, I backwards rationalize and justify and tell myself that I am grateful and this person is cool for cluing me in and guiding and taking me to some place better or at least new.

Bad manipulation, on the other hand, is the kind that ends up not working.

No matter how helpful, funny, cute, informative the manipulation aims to be, I end up interpreting it at best as a distraction, at worst as an insult to my intelligence and self-sovereignty.

All that’s to say, if you want to influence others — and unless you’re a Carmelite nun, who lives according to a vow of total obedience, then you try to influence others most of the time — you might as well become effective at it.

It’s not only a matter of getting what you want in life more often, but also of being seen as a cool, helpful person more often, rather than as a distraction or a “manipulator.”

And with that, I’d like to remind you of my new 10 Commandments book. Much of the book deals with techniques to overcome people’s natural tendency to resist and react being moved — even though they will end up happy and grateful if you do succeed in moving them.

Specifically, Commandments I-V, Commandments VIII-IX, and the apocryphal 11th commandment that I give away as a bonus at the end of the book, are all one way or another about this tricky and inevitable conflict in human nature.

In case you haven’t gotten a copy of my new book yet:

https://bejakovic.com/new10commandments

Platform is magic

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I went for a walk this morning and as I was dodging the puddles from last night’s rain, I listened to a podcast, a conversation between James Schramko and Dean Jackson.

In case those names are not familiar to you, both belong to Internet marketers who have been in the business a combined 50+ years.

Both James and Dean have made many millions of dollars for themselves and many more for their clients and customers.

Whatever. The point is simply that, in the little corner of the Internet where I live, these guys are influential and established and respected. I’ve known about each for many years, and I’ve been paying attention to both intensely over the past year.

This morning, while listening to the podcast, James Schramko talked about changes he had made to his business following the advice of his friend, a guy named Kory Basaraba.

That caught my attention and maybe made me step into a puddle.

The fact is, I’ve known Kory for years. A few years ago, back when I was still doing freelance copywriting stuff, I even worked with him.

Through this experience, I know Kory is smart, successful, and established. But on hearing his name being mentioned on a podcast, by two people I follow, I felt some sort of electric jolt.

I don’t know how wide of a reach this Schramko/Dean podcast episode might get. Maybe a few thousand people, maybe tens of thousands? In any case it’s not Joe Rogan.

It doesn’t matter. My opinion of Kory, while it was positive before, suddenly jumped. He got the warm bright glow of a star in my eyes.

Of course, I’m a hardened cynic and a bit of a wizard when it comes to knowing influence spells. So I quickly shook my head to clear my mind from this strange persuasion.

But I wanted to share this story with you, such as it is, for a bit of motivation.

I don’t understand what it is about having a platform. Maybe I’ll figure it out one day.

Right now, my best answer is that having a platform is simply magic.

A few hundred or a few thousand people around the world listen to you. It’s not a tremendous amount of reach or power. But it doesn’t matter.

The very fact of having a platform, of speaking to a group of people, gives you status and authority and charisma, and even the power to transfer that to others, simply by mentioning their name. That’s magic.

The motivating part is that, if you haven’t done so already, you can do this same thing for yourself.

Nobody’s stopping you from starting a podcast, or writing an email newsletter, today.

Like I said, you don’t need a tremendous overall audience to have a tremendous influence on the people who do listen or read to what you have to say. I can vouch for that from personal experience, having been both on top of the platform at certain times, and in the audience, looking up, at other times.

I know nothing about podcasting. But I know something about newsletters. Such as for example, that the more often you send emails, the greater your influence over the people in your audience.

And with that in mind, let me point you to a service that can help make it easier to send something every day, so you can work your magic quickly:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

The dark side of social proof

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Here’s a story of a lovely refund:

Some time ago, I promoted an affiliate offer. As with all affiliate offers I promote, I made sure it’s a great offer I can fully get behind.

A guy from my list, somebody who regularly replied to my emails but never bought anything, bought this offer via my affiliate link. Then a few days later, he refunded it.

That’s part of the deal. Sometimes people buy, and if you offer a money back guarantee, sometimes they refund.

The following however is not part of the deal:

That refunding customer started writing me emails. First he explained that the course he bought didn’t have that “wow factor” and that’s why he refunded. He also asked what I would have done in the same situation?

In a future email, he complained that the course creator wasn’t replying to emails and inquiries quickly enough.

And finally, once the refunding reader got his refund, he claimed he couldn’t see the money landing in his bank account (even though the money was refunded as per ThriveCart). He kept writing me updates about the supposedly pending refund for a couple months.

Maybe the point of my story is not really clear, so let me spell it out:

The point is social proof.

People take an action or make a decision.

They then have to create the reality for themselves that this was the right thing to do.

And since we are social animals, that means getting others to agree with us and feed that back to us, otherwise it’s not really real.

That’s what I felt was going on here. This refunding customer seemed to have no rancor for me for promoting an offer that he decided to refund. Quite the opposite. He was writing me messages for months, trying to get me in some way to agree that either the course or the course creator were to blame, and that he was right in his decision.

Maybe you know the famous story of a UFO cult who was expecting a UFO to land in Chicago on Dec 21 1954, and whisk away the believers before a huge tidal wave wiped out the face of the Earth.

December 21 came and went. No UFO came. No tidal wave came either.

The UFO cult was headed by a woman named Dorothy Martin. She was in contact with the aliens via automatic writing (and sometimes over the phone).

In the hours after the supposed UFO arrival failed to materialize, Martin got the message that the aliens had decided to spare the Earth because of the good work of the UFO cult in spreading the word.

But here’s the really curious thing:

The UFO cult, which until then had been very secretive, very hostile to publicity, very closed to outsiders, suddenly went on a PR blitz, announcing to the world the good news. It was no longer enough for the cultists to be in direct contact with powerful aliens who had decided to spare the Earth from destruction — everybody else had to know about it too.

So that’s the dark side of social proof. We don’t just rely on others’ experiences to help guide our beliefs and decisions. We also seek to convince others that our beliefs and past experiences are right.

That’s all I got for you today. I realize it’s a somehow nasty thing to talk about, a bit destabilizing and inhuman. A positive way to spin it is that our reality is co-created with others, and that you have the opportunity to impact and guide that.

Anyways, if you want to see social proof in action, I’ve got about six pages’ worth of it below in the form of testimonials, creating a reality that my Daily Email Habit is a wonderful service, maybe the best service in the world, at least if you have an email list. I believe it, and I really want you to believe it too, so please click through and start reading:

https://bejakovic.com/deh

Top 3%

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I just finished playing today’s Which Year puzzle. I wrote about Which Year yesterday:

A new puzzle game, currently trending on, or speeding along, the digital superhighway.

Which Year shows you photos, and you try to guess the year the photo was taken. The closer the better.

Yesterday, I made the claim that the main reason Which Year has quickly gained popularity is not the core idea (solid, even if it’s nothing magical), but the tweak, taken from Wordle, that new puzzles are only available once a day, and everybody gets the same.

But there’s another big reason for Which Year’s fast success, and it’s again taken from Wordle:

After you finish puzzling today’s Which Year puzzles (5 separate images), you see your score compared to everyone else in the world.

I placed in the top 3%, and am very proud to tell you so, which is really the point of meh email today. The point goes all the way back to one of the founders of psychotherapy, Alfred Adler.

Adler disagreed with Freud that sex is the basis of man’s struggle in life. Instead, Adler believed that a feeling of inferiority was the core human experience and drive.

You might think I’m really stretching this email, having started out with a trending puzzle game 10 sentences ago and now telling you about psychotherapy and inferiority as the basis of human experience.

But that’s kind of Adler’s point. Wanting to not feel inferior — not wanting to be first necessarily, but definitely not wanting to be last, or close to last — is a key driver of everything we do, all the time. It’s the reason for the clothes we choose, the vacations we take, and the games we play, whether hidden (such as Mine Is Better Than Yours) or overt (Which Year).

Translate that to marketing and business, and you get:

If you wanna motivate people, then appeal to what’s already motivating to them. Bolt a bit of scarcity or inferiority-avoidance onto your core idea — solid, even if nothing magical — and you can create a global hit. Or at least something that’s not in last place, or close to last.

So much for motivation. In other news:

This morning, I’ve shipped off the draft of my new 10 Commandments book to a few friends for feedback. While that’s happening, I would like to remind you of my own daily puzzle game, which integrates some fundamental human motivators that I cribbed from Wordle. You can find out more about it here:

​https://bejakovic.com/deh

P.S. Yesterday, I asked three “Which Year” text puzzles. Here are the answers:

1. The first (and so far only) killer swamp rabbit attack on a U.S. president happened on April 20, 1979. (The president was Jimmy Carter.)

2. Nutella debuted on Italian store shelves on April 20, 1964.

3. Oil prices dropped below zero (if you could buy a lot, and have somewhere to put it), on April 20, 2020.