Persuasion

More on people’s deepest secrets, fears, and desires

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INTERVIEWER: I think finding something that helps you find fulfillment and happiness is important. And if that happens to be heroin, and you got it under control… maybe it’s okay.

MATTHEW: I do, but then it’s the money thing. It’s a lot of money.

INTERVIEWER: How much do you spend? How much do you spend a week?

MATTHEW: A month, probably $1,500. So I could have a nice apartment.

That’s from an interview with Matthew, a functional heroin addict. Matthew says he smokes heroin, every day, all day. And yet he has a job, and he does it well, and nobody knows.

The interview with Matthew is part of a YouTube channel called Soft White Underbelly.

I discovered Soft White Underbelly a few weeks ago. It features hundreds or maybe thousands of in-depth interviews with drug addicts, homeless people, child abuse victims, prostitutes, escorts, inbred Appalachian families, gang members, a high-level mob boss, a strychnine-drinking Pentecostal preacher, a conman who ran real-estate frauds totaling in the tens of millions of dollars, and various others on the outside of what you might call mainstream society.

I won’t lie — I got sucked into this channel because of purely prurient curiosity about the lives of escorts and prostitutes and even a male gigolo.

I’m not sure what my persuasion and influence takeaway for you is today. Except that, in my experience, being interested and curious is like a superpower in almost any field.

You achieve focus by being interested. And you achieve interest, if you don’t have it already, by seeing details.

I talked yesterday about how there are primal urges that motivate all people — except these are secrets most of us will never share with others. Often, we can’t even face up to them on our own, in the dead of night, as we’re falling asleep, with the covers pulled up to our eyeballs.

But the people who are interviewed on Soft White Underbelly are incredibly open about the most shocking, intimate, painful, and humiliating things in their lives.

Maybe some of these stories aren’t true. But I bet many of them are. And they’re very revealing.

Yes, these are extreme stories of people coping with bad life situations and bad life choices.

But like I said yesterday, the human experience is similar among all of us. And a person doesn’t need to have extreme abuse or trauma or misfortune to fall into the same patterns of thought and behavior as the people on Soft White Underbelly.

So if you pay attention to the details of their stories… it might be useful both to understand others better, and to understand yourself better.

Or who knows, maybe I’m just trying to justify my own prurient fascination.

In case you want to decide for yourself, let me recommend a SFU interview to start with.
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​​It’s with a black-hat hacker, who started in the 1980s by phreaking phones and early ATMs, then graduated to more lucrative and high-scale tech exploits ($10M for hacking the DirectTV receiver), and culminated about 10 years ago with… well, I won’t spoil it.

If you’re interested, the full interview is below. But before you watch it, if you want more ideas on understanding yourself and other people better — both for profit and for curiosity’s sake — then sign up to my email newsletter.

How to get adoring customers who trip over each other to thank you for all the help and meaning you’ve given their lives

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“Dearly beloved, when Rupert here was a student at Clifton High School, none of us, myself, his teachers, his classmates, dreamt that he would amount to a hill of beans. But we were wrong! And you Rupert, you were right. And that’s why tonight, before the entire nation, we’d like to apologize to you personally and to beg your forgiveness for all the things we did to you. And we’d like to thank you personally, all of us, for the meaning you’ve given to our lives.”
— The King of Comedy

Last week, I got a good question from Fahir, one of the people going through my Copy Riddles program right now. Fahir wrote (edited slightly):

“A lot of goo-roo’s talk about knowing your prospect’s deepest fears. How can we know that about our prospects? Of course, there’s research, but these are things people will not share with anyone and in most cases, they don’t know what is their fear.”

Fahir is right. It’s a genuine problem.

​​Much of the stuff that really motivates people — the image of the impregnable bunker, the bloody revenge, the panties getting thrown on the stage — is stuff your market will never admit. Even to themselves.

I told Fahir and the other folks going through Copy Riddles three different ways of getting around this problem.

Today I want to tell you one more way. It’s very powerful. It’s also very simple. Don’t let that fool you.

Because it’s just to look inwards.

We human beings are wonderfully unique in our fingerprints, the lines of our face, the letter-by-letter code of our DNA.

But we’re also wonderfully similar. As marketer Rich Schefren likes to say, what’s most personal is most general.

So if you find something funny, if you find something interesting, or if you find something frightening, ask yourself why. What’s the essence of it?

The people in your market might not have the exact sense of humor or interests or paranoia that you have.

​​But if you look a little deeper, you’ll find something like that King of Comedy quote above — something that most people can relate to on a primal level.

The bigger point being, you have many resources inside you already to help you succeed. Stories, emotions, natural human reactions.

You just have to spot them, strip them down to their underwear, and then put a slightly new outfit on them, one that’s appropriate the sales letter or sales email at hand.

Just do that, and people in your market will respond. What’s more, they will thank you, personally, all of them, for the help, compassion, and meaning you you’ve given to their lives.

If you want to know more about those resources you have hidden inside you:

I write a daily email newsletter all about that stuff. I also talk about how you can apply it to your own writing, money-making, and personal development. If you want to read that, sign up to my newsletter here.

Send me your praise and admiration

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When I was a teenager still living at home, a fixture in my mom’s kitchen was the Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine aka the George Foreman grill.

My mom spent a minimum of one hour each night cooking after she got home from work. The George Foreman grill was the only “high tech” gadget she ever used. I fondly remember the many hundreds of pounds of olive-oil basted chicken thigh she prepared on the George Foreman grill and fed me over the years.

A few days ago, I looked up the history of the George Foreman grill.

George was unwilling to promote it at first. “I’m not interested in toys,” he said. But he agreed after his wife made him a hamburger on the grill.

And good thing, too. The George Foreman grill has sold well over 100 million units to date. And George Foreman made an estimated $200 million in royalties from having his name — and signature — on each grill.

Most of those 100+ million units were sold through retail. But the George Foreman grill got its start with an infomercial.

Thanks to the wonder that is YouTube, I found the original 28-min George Foreman grill infomercial. I watched it. it’s honestly great — fun viewing.

And if like me you are interested in ideas and the history and development of ideas, this infomercial holds many valuable lessons, as long as you can spare 28 minutes and a bit of brainpower to write down notes.

Today I want to share one note I wrote down while watching the GF infomercial. It might seem obvious to you. But it was a revelation to me.

So, like any successful piece of direct response advertising, the GF infomercial has testimonials. The first batch of testimonials is what you might expect — about the product and what it will do for you.

But the second batch of testimonials has nothing to do with the product. Here, check it out:

TESTIMONIAL 1: “If George is behind anything, that will be the best thing for America. George would never advertise nothing that’s not good for America.”

TESTIMONIAL 2: “George Foreman and food. You can’t beat that. Because George is big on hamburgers. And he’s a big guy. So he’s a great person to find out about new product that has to do with food. I didn’t have any doubts when I knew George was promoting it.”

So that’s my tip for you for today:

People are easier to sell than products or ideas. But you still have to do some selling, even to sell a person.

So have testimonials not just about your offer and how good it is…

But also about who you are, and why that’s a good thing. And like George, you might find one day soon that there are millions of dollars dropping into your lap unexpectedly.

“Oh yeah?” you say. “You know, Bejako, I would consider buying into your tip, if only I trusted you more. If only I had some testimonials to sell me on you.”

Fair point. I have to admit I’ve been very, very slack about collecting testimonials for this newsletter, for my products, and for myself.

But I’ll change that going forward.

And if you want to help me kickstart my testimonial chopper, then hit reply and write me something nice.

If you enjoy these emails or you’ve gotten value out of my books or courses… you can write me that. That would be fine.

But what would be even finer if you write me and say, “If John is behind anything, then I’m sure it’s going to be good.”

​​Write me that you have no doubts if you know I’m promoting something.

​​Or even — if you can somehow stomach to do it — write me that I’m the best thing for America. When it comes to persuasion and influence at least.

Oh, and if you are not yet sure I’m the best thing for America… you might join many other smart and successful marketers and copywriters, and sign up for my email newsletter.

You are not an introvert

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In my last-ever real job, some 10 years ago, I was a manager at a 100-person IT company.

Well, not really a manager. I was a scrum master, which might sound either like some kind of S&M role or a made-up demon name from Ghostbusters.

So each each week, I the scrum master and our teams “product owner” (another Ghostbusters-themed managerial role) had to meet with the owner of the company to give him an update on how we were progressing.

We had been working for over a year, building a large piece of software that was one day supposed to be sold to big pharma companies like Glaxo Smith Kline.

But it wasn’t ready yet. Or anywhere close to ready. Our team wasn’t making any money. We were just a giant drain on company resources.

So when we sat down with the owner of the company, he gave us a weary look.

“Tell me guys,” he said a little bitterly, “how many sales have you made this week?”

I put on my straight face. And I shrugged my shoulders as if to suggest it’s all relative. “Do you mean the week starting this Monday,” I said, “or starting Sunday?”

The owner of the company locked his eyes on me. He squinted for a second.

​​And then he brightened and started to laugh, the joke being that we had never made any sales and it was doubtful we ever would. “All right all right,” he said with a smile, “at least tell me how the development is going.”

Now I don’t have a life history of joshing and ribbing and joking with people who have authority over me.

But I did it in this case, and it worked out well.

The reason I did it — the reason the joke came naturally, at the right moment, on its own — was that the previous few days, I had started walking around town, approaching girls on the street, complimenting them, and even asking them out.

On the one hand, approaching unfamiliar girls in the middle of the street, often in the middle of a crowd, and starting a conversation — well, it was immensely hard.

But it was also very liberating. Literally. There were parts of my brain that I didn’t even know were there that suddenly became active and alive.

And that’s how I found myself spontaneously teasing my boss, and instantly turning him from a bitter to a good mood.

My point being that over the past few years or the past decade, there’s been a lot of celebrating of introverts, and a lot of proud ownership of being an introvert.

​​Some people even take a holier-than-thou attitude to it, and claim that they alone are the real introverts, while others are just poser-introverts.

Whatever. I’d like to suggest to you that if you think you are an introvert — even a real, natural introvert, the way I thought of myself for years, and which I had very hard evidence for — it’s only one configuration of the person you can be.

Clinging to the idea you are an introvert is little like saying you are a sitting person. Because whenever you see an empty chair, you are tempted to sit in it, and when you do sit, you find it comforting. And then, concluding from that, “Oh no, I’m not a walking type. I just can’t. It drains me. I’m a sitting person.”

And my bigger belief, if you care to know it is this:

You are lots of things. You have different abilities and resources, including those you are not aware of, until you put ourselves into a situation to make use of them.

​​Yes, it might be immensely hard at first. But it can also be liberating. Literally.

Ok, on to business:

If you are looking for more ideas like this, or if you are interested in psychology, marketing, and copywriting, you might like my daily email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

Coldblooded psychopath persuasion

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The detective sat at the corner of the table, looking the suspect in the face.

The suspect sighed. “What are my options?” he asked.

“Well,” the detective said, “I don’t think you want the coldblooded psychopath option. I might be wrong. Because I’ve met guys who enjoyed the notoriety. Who got off on having that label. I don’t see that in you. If I saw that in you I wouldn’t be back here, talking to you.”

The suspect sighed again. He gave a sad little smile and nodded.

“But maybe I’m wrong,” the detective continued. “Maybe you got me fooled. I don’t know.”

At this, the suspect locked up. He stared at the floor. He didn’t say anything for a while.

“Russell,” the detective said, “what are we gonna do?”

The suspect took a breath. He looked at the detective directly and said, “Call me Russ, please.”

That’s the climax from the 10-hour interrogation of Russell Williams.

Williams was a colonel in the Canadian Armed Forces, and an army pilot who had flown Queen Elizabeth II, the Duke of Edinburgh, and the Prime Minister of Canada.

But away from his picture-perfect military career, Williams had a very, very dark side.

Between 2007 and 2010, he started breaking into homes — 82 in all.

During the early breakins, he would photograph himself wearing women’s underwear and then sneak out. In time, this escalated to sexual assault. And then, it escalated further, to rapes and two murders.

The police had some evidence to tie Williams to one of the crime scenes. They had him come in for questioning.

Over the course of the interrogation, Williams started to realize he was in serious trouble. But really, all the police had on him was circumstantial evidence. He could have called for a lawyer, and who knows how the case would have gone.

And then came that exchange up top. It was the climax of the investigation.

Very soon after that exchange, Williams agreed to tell the police where he had hidden the body of Jessica Lloyd, his final victim. This effectively sealed the case, and led to Williams’s full confession.

It might seem gruesome to look for persuasion tactics in murder investigations. But such is life. Because the same stuff that works to influence a coldblooded psychopath works in general too.

Let me point out what happened in that climactic exchange above:

The detective first paid Williams a compliment (“I don’t see that in you”). Williams smiled and nodded at the compliment.

But then the detective snatched the compliment away (“But maybe I’m wrong”). Williams felt that loss.

If, like me, you know anything about the world of pick up artists, you might recognize this technique. Pick up artists call it the push-pull.

Copywriters use it too. Here’s an example from the start of a Dan Kennedy sales letter:

“Truth is, most people give lip-service to ambition, but secretly are not all that eager or determined. This is only for those very, very serious and determined to create excellent income and steady flow of good clients, for a real freelance business. If you’re content making just a few hundred dollars a month on the side, an occasional assignment now and then, really just having a nice money hobby, there’s nothing wrong with that – but you can stop reading this now.”

Again, it might seem gruesome to compare sales copy to a rape and murder investigation. And maybe I’m just trying to justify my morbid and scattershot interests.

But the truth is, there are powerful persuasion lessons all around.

If you made it to the end of this post, then I imagine you’re probably curious enough and clear-sighted enough to see that.

But maybe I’m wrong. In that case, you can stop reading now. And definitely don’t sign up for my daily email newsletter.

Otherwise, go here to get your spot.

Dumb “accomplishment purchases”

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Two days ago, I found myself in a hypnotic daze, fumbling around on a domain-buying website.

I was 100% ready to put down $5,899 to buy a 14-year-old domain.

The back story is that a couple years ago, I had an idea for an info business. I even had a great name in mind.

But back then, the .com domain was taken. For that and a few more reasons, my drive to start up that business gradually got weaker… and weaker… and then slipped into a coma.

But then, a few days ago, against all odds, my drive for that business awoke from the coma and jumped out of bed. And the first thing it had me do was see if the domain had become available.

It had!

It was there, ready to be bought, for the low, low price of $5,899, or 24 monthly payments of just $245.79.

I clicked on the “Buy Now” button.

The page asked me to create an account. So I did. I tried to log in.

No soap.

“Click the verification link in the email we just sent you,” it said.

I checked my inbox. Nothing.

I checked it again. Still nothing.

“Fine,” I said, “I’ll do it later tonight.” And I started looking over my notes and plans from two years ago about this business idea.

“Hmm,” I said to myself.

I spent more time reading notes and making plans.

This wasn’t going to be easy, I remembered.

By the time the evening rolled around, my interest in this info business — and that $5,899 domain — had snuck back into bed and fell into a deep sleep.

As of today, it seems to be back in a coma.

I’m sharing this with you as a precautionary tale that might save you some grief.

Because from what I’ve seen in my 6+ years of working as a direct response copywriter… most people in the DR world are by nature opportunity seekers.

That includes me.

And as an opportunity seeker, I often, in a hypnotic daze, mistake spending money with accomplishment.

Like I said, maybe that’s you too. If so, remember my domain-buying story, and the following coma of my drive to build the actual business.

This isn’t just about saving yourself thousands or tens of thousands of dollars… though there’s a good chance that remembering this story can do that.

But more important, it’s about saving your drive and self-respect. Because every failed “accomplishment purchase” saps those virtues a little bit.

The fact is, good opportunities are out there.

But inevitably, it takes some work to make them work. And the fewer dumb “accomplishment purchases” you’ve made before, the easier it will be to do that necessary work.

Anyways, here’s an easy opportunity that costs little money and requires even less work.

I have an email newsletter. It’s free to sign up and even more free to read. In case you want to grab a spot, here’s where to go.

The #1 rule for independent thinking

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One day not so long ago, I was taking a short six-hour break to poke around the Internet, when I saw a trending article that made me chuckle. The title read:

“25 Anti-Mimetic Tactics for Living a Counter-Cultural Life”

I chuckled because the term mimetic — how humans imitate each other — exploded in popularity in the second half of last year. The source of the explosion was the book Wanting, which was published last June and soon after became a bestseller. Suddenly, mimetic was everywhere.

And that to me was the funny bit.

Mimetic the term is itself mimetic. And so that article about anti-mimetic strategies is a little like writing,

“An Independent Thinker’s Guide to Independent Thinking for Other Independent Thinkers”

I bring this up because of a fundamental belief I have, which I want to share with you. Maybe it will resonate with you, and maybe it will even be valuable to you in some way. My belief is this:

If an idea is worthwhile, it will still be worthwhile in a year from now.

On the other hand, if an idea seems worthwhile today, there’s a good chance it won’t seem so in a year.

This leads to a simple rule:

Only give your attention to the many ideas that have survived for at least a year. Articles, books, scientific theories, comic strips, cocktail recipes, Saturday Night Live skits, terms and phrases.

And yes. I understand the contradictory nature of sharing this idea with you in a disposable daily email. The only thing I can say is that I’ve never shied away from contradicting myself.

Anyways, Wanting, the book, was published on June 1, 2021. I still haven’t read it — and I won’t, at least until its one-year anniversary. That’s what I recommend to you as well.

But maybe you’re looking for something to read.

Maybe even something that’s been around for more than a year.

In that case, I can further recommend a little book I wrote and published some 18 months ago.

It collects 10 ideas — some of them a few years old, some a few decades, one almost a century — from 10 of history’s most successful and most influential direct marketers and copywriters.

To find out more or to grab a copy:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

How to be seen as a more credible source of solutions and advice

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Today, YouTube served me with up a recent interview that PBS did with Garry Kasparov.

Kasparov was World Chess Champion for 20 years and then an opposition leader in Russia.

“Unfortunately,” the interviewer said in his opening move to Kasparov, “you turned out to be right. Back in 2015, you wrote a book called ‘Winter is Coming: Why Vladimir Putin and the Enemies of the Free World Must Be Stopped.'”

The interviewer took a breath after reading out that title. He went on:

“Now that we see what he’s doing, what should our response be?”

Given Kasparov’s book, this might seem like a reasonable question to ask.

And that’s just the point I want to make to you today. There’s something important hiding inside that question.

In the words of Mark Ford and John Forde from Great Leads… the fact that you understand what’s wrong can help make you seem like a more credible source for solutions, too.

The fact is, just because Kasparov wrote a book critical of Putin gives him no special insight on how to stop the raging war in Ukraine. The two are about as related as knowing that “heavy turbulence makes for unpleasant flights” and knowing how to land a jumbo jet.

And yet, it doesn’t matter. The human instinct to jump from one to the other. Because when we’ve got trouble, it’s natural to look outside ourselves for the solution. And at those times, we are willing to accept a lot of things as qualifications and authority.

The takeaway for you is clear:

Don’t build a better mousetrap.

Instead, write a book. Educate your prospect about the dangerous breeding habits and expansionary intent of the eastern harvest mouse. “The eastern harvest mouse is coming,” your book should say. “And it must be stopped.”

Ok, let’s get to the business end of this post:

If you want more advice on building credibility with your audience, you might get value from my email newsletter. That’s where I regularly write about reasons that credibility fails. You can sign up for it here.

Reddit vs. Hacker News: How to get better customers, clients, readers, and business partners

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Paul Graham is a computer programmer, writer, and early-stage tech investor.

His startup fund, Y Combinator, helped start a bunch of famous companies, like Airbnb, Dropbox, DoorDash, Instacart, Zapier, and Reddit.

The total valuation of all Y Combinator companies is now over $400 billion. Y Combinator owns 7% of that, or roughly $30 billion.

Really, the only reason I know this is because I’ve been a regular reader of Hacker News for the past 14+ years.

Hacker News is a news board. Graham started it in 2006 as a way of sharing interesting ideas and getting connected to tech talent. Today, Hacker News gets over five million readers each month.

I’ve been thinking about creating something similar, just with a different focus. So I was curious to read Graham’s 2009 article, What I Learned From Hacker News, about the early experience of creating and running HN.

This bit stood out to me:

But what happened to Reddit won’t inevitably happen to HN. There are several local maxima. There can be places that are free for alls and places that are more thoughtful, just as there are in the real world; and people will behave differently depending on which they’re in, just as they do in the real world.

I’ve observed this in the wild. I’ve seen people cross-posting on Reddit and Hacker News who actually took the trouble to write two versions, a flame for Reddit and a more subdued version for HN.

Maybe this only stood out to me because something I’ve thought and written about before.

Your content, marketing, and offers select a certain type of audience. That much is obvious.

What is less obvious is that your content and marketing and offers also change people. Because none of us is only one type of person all the time.

So if you want an audience that’s smarter, that’s more respectful, that’s more thoughtful and less scatterbrained, then make it clear that’s what you expect. And lead by example.

This can be transformative in your everyday dealings with clients, customers, readers, and prospects. And who knows. It might even become the foundation on which you build a future online community.

If you found this interesting, you might like my email newsletter. You can sign up for it here.

The limits of persuasion and propaganda

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“We tend today to exaggerate the effectiveness of persuasion as a means of inculcating opinion and shaping behavior.”

Today I was planning to write a standard email about marketing and persuasion. But I checked the news this morning, and I saw that Russia invaded Ukraine by land, air, and sea.

It’s the biggest attack in Europe by one state against another since World War II.

I’m close to people who have families living in Ukraine, and for them this has real consequences.

So a warning: Today’s email is a persuasion downer.

Because I mostly write about persuasion tricks and manipulation strategies.

There have been plenty of those in the past few weeks from the EU and US both, in anticipation of the Russian invasion. But as a US diplomat put it:

“One of the shortcomings is the deterrence package that we’ve developed is kind of asymmetrical in that it’s mostly economic and we’re facing a military threat.”

Another way to put it is the quote I have up top, which is from Eric Hoffer’s True Believer.

​​Hoffer thinks that the fabulous power often ascribed to words has “no greater foundation in fact than the falls of Jericho ascribed to the blast of Joshua’s trumpets.”

So if not words, then what?
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Well, here’s a last Hoffer quote to wrap this emergency email up. It might be worth keeping in mind as we enter a new age of political black swans:

“The truth seems to be that propaganda on its own cannot force its way into unwilling minds; neither can it inculcate something wholly new; nor can it keep people persuaded once they have ceased to believe. So acknowledged a master of propaganda as Dr. Goebbels admits in an unguarded moment that ‘A sharp sword must always stand behind propaganda if it is to be really effective.'”