Change Of Perspective

I’m not OK — you’re not OK

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Here’s a story I’ve been told but don’t remember:

When I was little, maybe around 2 or 3, I was in the dining room with my grandfather, who I loved better than life itself.

I started dragging a large chair around the dining room.

My grandfather told me to stop, I guess because the dragging was making noise and because the chair could topple and flatten 3-year-old Bejako.

But I didn’t stop. I kept dragging the chair around.

My grandfather again told me to stop.

I still didn’t.

So my grandfather gave me a light swat on the hand, not enough to hurt me, but enough to get my attention.

It worked. I let go of the chair. I started wailing instead. And in my childish fear and confusion, I turned to the only natural place of comfort, and that was back to my grandfather. I ran to him and hugged him and wailed away. My grandfather said later he felt so guilty that he wished for his hand, the one he had swatted me with, to dry up and fall off.

I’m reading a book now called, I’m OK — You’re OK. I’m reading it because:

I’ve learned the most about email marketing and copywriting from Ben Settle…

Ben frequently recommends a book called Start With No, by negotiation coach Jim Camp, which I’ve read a half dozen times…

Start With No is largely a rehash of ideas in a book called You Can’t Teach a Kid to Ride a Bike at a Seminar, by sales trainer Dave Sandler, which I read for the first time earlier this year…

Sandler’s book and sales system are a mix of classic sales techniques, his own personal experimentation, and ideas coming from transactional analysis, specifically as described in the book I’m OK — You’re OK, by psychiatrist Thomas Harris.

(There’s value in working backwards like that.)

Here’s a passage in I’m OK — You’re OK that stuck out to me:

===

The predominant by-product of the frustrating, civilizing process is negative feelings. On the basis of these feelings the little person early concludes, “I’m not OK.” We call this comprehensive self-estimate the NOT OK, or the NOT OK Child. This permanent recording is the residue of having been a child. Any child. Even the child of kind, loving, well-meaning parents. It is the situation of childhood and not the intention of the parents which produces the problem.

===

Like I said, this stuck out to me. Because some people had happy, stable childhoods. But even those people have a reservoir of childhood memories that make them feel not OK today. And maybe those people wonder what the hell is wrong with them. Says Harris, nothing. That’s life.

On the other hand, other people had genuinely troubled or traumatizing childhoods. They might suspect their childhood left them somehow uniquely warped and deformed, and the fact they feel not OK today proves it. But that logic is wrong, says Harris, because again, we are all not OK.

“I’m not OK — You’re not OK” is not a very inspiring message. Fortunately, the above passage is not how the book ends. In fact it only comes in chapter two. After all, the book is titled I’m OK — You’re OK.

If you’d like to know how to get out of the impulsive, frustrating, and maybe painful web of childhood memories and patterns, at least according to Thomas Harris, you can check out I’m OK — You’re OK below, and maybe learn a thing or two about sales and negotiation and copywriting in the process:

​https://bejakovic.com/ok​

The pros and cons of the “mask of misfortune”

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“Hey what’s your name?”

“Helen.”

“That’s nice. You look like a Helen. Helen, we’re both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman.”

Maybe you know this scene. It’s from the movie Tommy Boy.

Chris Farley plays his usual character, “manic fat guy,” trying to make sales to save his family business.

In this scene, Chris is in a diner, trying to order chicken wings. But Helen, the waitress, flatly tells him the kitchen is closed.

Instead of pressing the point, Chris goes on to tell Helen why he sucks as a salesman. He uses a bread roll to illustrate his possible sale:

He loves his possible sale so much, like a pretty new pet, that he ends up ripping it apart — because he’s such a manic fat guy.

It’s a funny scene, worth watching if you haven’t seen it, worth revisiting if you have.

At the end of Chris’s manic fat guy routine, Helen the waitress shakes her head.

“God you’re sick,” she says with a chuckle. “Tell you what. I’ll go turn the fryers back on and throw some wings in for ya.”

The typical conclusion to a story like is — “Share your stories of vulnerability and failure, and magic doors open!”

Maybe. But I’d like to tell you a different conclusion.

Because Chris Farley really was sick. He battled alcoholism and drug use and apparently felt horrible about the weight he always joked about. He ended up dead at age 33, from a combination of cocaine and morphine, though traces of marijuana and antidepressants were also found in his system.

I’m not trying to bring you down. I’m trying to give you some practical advice. Specifically, some practical advice I read in a book called The Narrow Road, by a multimillionaire named Felix Dennis. Says Dennis:

“Donning the mask of misfortune for the amusement of those around you or to elicit sympathy is a perilous activity. You run the risk of the mask fitting a little too well. Or — and I have seen this happen — of becoming the mask.”

In entirely unrelated news:

The deadline to get The Secret of the Magi before the price doubles is tonight, Sunday, at 12 midnight PST.

The Secret of the Magi tells you just one thing — the big takeaway I’ve had about opening conversations that can lead to business partnerships. It’s based on my experiences being both on the receiving end of many cold outreach attempts… and spending this past summer cold contacting a bunch of other people.

Your investment to get The Secret of the Magi is a whopping $23.50. Well, assuming you get it before the deadline, which is, again, tonight at 12 midnight PST.

I won’t be writing any more emails before then. So in case you want this guide, maybe get it now?

It’s up to you. Here’s the link if you want to find out the secret:

​https://bejakovic.com/secret-of-the-magi​

The “crazy idea” I keep ranting about on Skool

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This week I launched my first-ever Skool group, helping a bunch of list owners start running ads to grow their email lists, including email lists about:

* Guitar

* Horse training

* Electronic music

* Language learning

* Real estate investing

* Weight loss and fitness

* And of course a number of marketing-, copywriting-, and online creators-related lists

My Skool group is only in a kind of pre-launch — it officially kicks off next Monday — but I’ve already been giving members feedback on their lead magnets and landing pages.

Well, “giving feedback” is too kind for what I’ve been doing.

I’ve been foaming at the mouth, banging on the table, and barking the exact same command, to different frightened group members, over and over.

It’s a “crazy idea” that somehow nobody is willing to actually put to use, not unless I yell.

This “crazy idea” is not hard to use.

The trouble is, we all feel we are using it when in fact we are not.

That includes me — I often fail to put this “crazy idea” to use, and I pay the price each time, because it makes the difference between advertising that gets a good response at an affordable rate… and advertising that gets zero response, or that gets response from the exact wrong people.

Fortunately for me, it’s easier to see and solve other people’s problems than it is to see and solve your own. That’s why I’ve been liking this Skool group.

But back to the “crazy idea.”

You might think it’s something like “tell them what’s in it for them” or “use curiosity” or “get their attention.”

NO!!!

None of those! How could you even think something like that?? Bah…

(I’m trying to give you a flavor for the tone I take inside the Skool group.)

No, the reality is, this “crazy idea” is something more mechanical, something you can do right now to produce copy that is infinitely more like to perform, and get you the right audience, at an affordable price you can scale.

And now, I’ll make you a deal.

The deadline to take me up on Travis Speegle’s MyPEEPS list building course, which my Skool group is a free bonus for, is this Sunday at 12 midnight PST.

If you’d like to sign up for MyPeeps and get into the Skool group, you can do so at the link below:

​https://bejakovic.com/shotgun​

But if you would not like to sign up for MyPEEPS or get into my Skool group as a free bonus, at least not yet, then hit reply and tell me your #1 objection or hesitation. Don’t worry, you won’t hurt my feelings even if you are brutally honest.

I would like to hear what’s been holding you back, and you will help me close out this promo.

In return, I will write you back and tell you the “crazy idea” I’ve been teasing this whole email. In other words, I’ll reveal the #1 piece of feedback I’ve been giving inside the Skool group so far, and probably will keep giving as we launch for real next week.

The Golden Triangle of Success

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In software development, a field in which I spent the salad days of my life, there’s a meme known as the Iron Triangle. It’s about how software is developed, and it says:

“Fast, cheap, good — pick two”​​

Yesterday, I fielded interest in a new offer, “Work alongside me to launch or build up your list via paid traffic.”

In a nutshell, I’m about to start building up a new list via paid traffic. And if you like, you can work alongside me to launch or build up your own list… follow the same process I’m following… plus get my feedback and input on your ad copy and lead magnets etc.

I got a good number of people expressing interest in that.

But inevitably, I also had a few people write in, saying they are not sure if they have the money.

To which I thought up a kind of Golden Triangle of Success, similar but different to the Iron Triangle above. The Golden Triangle says:

“Time, effort, money — pick two”

This is similar to the Iron Triangle — because you pick any two for guaranteed success. One will not do.

But it’s also different to the Iron Triangle because this is about requirements on inputs, rather than constraints on outputs.

​​In other words, pick two — or three. You can have all three corners of the Golden Triangle.

But what if you don’t?

What if you don’t have the money corner, specifically?

No shame in that. Was a time when I was in the same situation. You can get up and out of it with enough effort and time.

On the other hand, if you’re simply not sure whether you have the money to invest in an asset like an email list, then the Golden Triangle of Success might give you a different way to look at your situation.

In any case, if you’re interested in the offer I made yesterday, to work alongside me to build up your list, write in and let me know. I want to hear your situation and get your feedback as I decide on the final form of how this will work.

Mercilessly teasing my own mother

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A few weeks ago, I was back home visiting family. Before we started lunch one day, my mother sat me down at the kitchen table. She crossed her arms, and she said:

“Well? Are you going to tell me? I hope you don’t expect me to read that book to find out. So? What is the highest paid quality on earth?”

The story is that my mother has recently taken to reading this newsletter. And the day before the lunch, I had sent out an email about “the highest paid quality on earth.”

I teased that highest paid quality mercilessly in my email. At the end of the email, I still didn’t reveal it. I simply linked to a book where I promised you could find out what the quality is.

(By the way, why tease like this, including your own mother? Good question. I’ll talk about that another time.)

Meanwhile, I got a message from a reader, Howard Shaw. Howard’s a Partner at Chester Toys, a UK toy wholesaler that’s been in business for 60 years.

Howard actually did order and did read the book I linked to at the end of that email.

As a result, he did find out what that most highly paid quality is. But there were consequences.

To tell me about those consequences, Howard sent me a photo of the book lying on his couch. And he wrote under the picture:

===

A book I was introduced to recently and that I enthusiastically recommend.

The point of this email? I am not sure.

Although I am currently looking to embrace some situations with enthusiasm, and searching out business options that I may have previously dismissed.

One of these came my way Thursday, and by Friday afternoon had meant a new client and a deposit already in the bank.

So I thank you for taking the time to re-introduce me to my enthusiasm.

===

If you’re a particularly perceptive reader, you may have picked up from Howard’s message what the highest paid quality on earth is.

But does it really matter?

Did you have your mind blown as a result?

Or more likely, are kind of… disappointed?

And yet:

There’s Howard’s story. There’s new client where there was no client before. There’s the new money in the bank where there was less money before.

All of which brings me to the most life-changing idea I’ve been exposed to since I started learning about marketing. It’s this:

“There is an inverse relationship between the value of knowledge and what people are willing to pay for it. The most important things in life you’ve probably heard a hundred times before, but you’re not paying attention. When you’re in the right place and you hear it, you have that ‘aha’ moment and everything changes.”

I write more about that idea, and the A-list copywriter who said it, in my 10 Commandments of A-List Copywriters.

Is this the first time you’re hearing about that book? It might be worth a look then.

Have you heard me talk about this book before? It might be worth a look then.

Here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/10commandments

Forget about AI, it’s the Swiss we should be worried about

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I just read a writing-on-the-wall article on Bloomberg:

Earlier this year, a small town in Switzerland banned billboards. ​​And earlier this month, after pro-billboard opponents challenged the ban, the Swiss Supreme Court upheld the right of citizens to “limit visual pollution” and “opt out of unwanted advertising.”

“We didn’t recognize any public interest in having billboards,” said one local politician.

“We want to battle unnecessary consumption with this measure,” said another.

Other towns in Switzerland, including Zurich and the capital Bern, are also in the process of debillboardizing.

I know what you’ll say. Switzerland is just a quirky, small, isolated country, high up in the mountains, where cows rule and the rivers run with chocolate.

But Switzerland is not the first instance of anti-ad terror.

Back in the 2020/1/15 issue of this newsletter, I wrote about French anti-ad groups that were vandalizing billboards, protesting against advertising, and looking to pass new anti-advertising laws. A nurse involved in the protests said:

“When you walk down the street, how can you feel happy if you’re constantly being reminded of what you don’t have? Advertising breaks your spirit, confuses you about what you really need and distracts you from real problems.”

Maybe you think this is just a few crazy and fringe bolsheviks on the march, and that they should really get a job.

And maybe so. But other things that looked crazy and fringe a few decades ago are a reality now.

Today, smoking is controlled, heavily-taxed, and socially shunned. But was a time when smoking was glamorous and could be done anywhere, even in schools and hospitals.

Today, spanking your kid can lead to criminal charges or social services getting called in. But spanking used to be a prerogative of parents and even, as per the Bible, the right thing to do.

Today drunk driving one of the most irresponsible acts a human being can commit, and heavily criminalized. But it used to be a normal part of a good night of fun.

Those are all kind of “done deals.” But think about some deals that are not yet done, but that are in the process of being negotiated right now:

* Eating animals, particularly the cute ones, particularly when you have other non-cute options for good nutrition

* Flying to Thailand and back for a two-week vacation, and producing the monthly carbon emissions of a small 18th-century town, all by yourself, in the span of a few hours

* Drinking any alcohol ever, when Andrew Huberman and Peter Attia, and all your friends who listen to them, say that even a sip is bad for you

As the world changes, as science develops, as propaganda spreads, so do our attitudes to things that seem like an eternal fabric of our lives.

And maybe advertising, though it’s been with us for centuries, will become socially unacceptable, and sooner than you might think.

Oh boy. How do I dig myself out of this hole now?

​​After all, this is a newsletter about copywriting and marketing, and I can’t just leave you like this, despairing how it might all come to an end soon.

Easy. Because I think this hole I’ve dug for myself is not much of a hole at all.

Sure, artificial intelligence might eat copywriting soon.

Sure, social crusaders might eventually limit or ban advertising in some form.

And if you think of what you do as writing copy or creating advertising… well, if those futures come to pass, then you will be screwed.

On the other hand, if you think of what you do as simply effective communication… well, then you will be busy and successful, as long as humans are around, and as long as we continue to communicate and influence each other.

The specific applications might change. But the underlying principles will remain. ​​

As I’m sure you know, there are lots of places where you can learn about effective communication.

But there are certain truths about effective communication that you can only learn when you’re communicating with people one-on-one, in the privacy of their home or office, when they have their credit card in hand.

If you’d like to learn more about effective communication, and especially those “credit card in hand” truths you won’t find anywhere else:

https://bejakovic.com/cr/

Riveting, personal story to fill my mistake quota

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Hold on to your seat, and prepare to be riveted by the following true and very personal story:

Two days ago, I meet up with my friend Adrian. Adrian suggests we go out to dinner tonight, just him, me, and my dad. (Adrian is also friends with my dad.)

I say fine.

Adrian and my dad and I text yesterday to confirm the place and time for the dinner. We quickly agree.

But then it turns out Adrian’s wife would like to join also, along with their 3-year old daughter. Oh, and can we move dinner three hours earlier because of his daughter’s bed time?

I’m not thrilled by the idea — the early dinner, the wife, the kid. I honestly tell Adrian the earlier time doesn’t work well because I also have a family lunch to go to in the afternoon.

He says he’ll check with the wife.

Throughout the rest of yesterday, there’s more tussling over WhatsApp. And then finally, in the early evening hours, Adrian decides to go back to the original plan, the original time, and the original company for the dinner.

TA-DAAA! The end.

Now that you’ve read this, I want to apologize. I know this story was only riveting in how stupid it was.

​​But how else to get the following point across in a way that sticks?

A couple months ago, I bought a book called Suddenly Talented by Sean D’Souza.

Sean you might know — he’s an Internet marketer who’s been in the game since before Google, and I’ve written about him often in this newsletter.

Sean is best known for his unorthodox marketing ideas. But he’s branched out also — to courses and workshops about cartooning, photography, and learning and skill acquisition, which is what Suddenly Talented is about.

I actually haven’t read Sean’s book yet.

​​But there’s a WhatsApp group for everyone who’s bought the book, where Sean holds court and explains his ideas about how to get good at anything, and quick.

One idea will probably be familiar to you — it’s to get okay with making mistakes, whether you’re drawing, learning a new language, or trying to write a daily email.

But Sean takes it one step further.

​​In his own workshops, he actually gives his students a mistake quota.

​​​In other words, he tells his students that they have to actively and consciously make a certain number of mistakes before he will let them even attempt to do the thing right.

Result? I don’t know, but I can guess:

1. People loosen up. They realize that a mistake is not as fatal as it might seem in their imagination.

2. People actually learn something, by actively dancing around the “right” thing to do. In the words of Claude Debussy, music is the space between the notes.

“Fine fine,” you might say, “enough with the poetry. Does this really work?”

I don’t know. But it sounded interesting enough to give it a try. That’s why I opened with the pointless and uninteresting story above.

Don’t open your emails like I did.

Or do. Do it to teach yourself that hey, even a terrible email doesn’t really cost me anything, and hey, maybe I’ll even learn something by doing things wrong.

Are you convinced? Are you not convinced? It’s okay either way.

But in case this email triggered something in your brain, you might want to check out my Most Valuable Email training. It comes with a swipe file of 51 interesting ideas, many of which have proven valuable to me and to the people who have gone through MVE, sometimes even paying for the entire course.

If you’d like to find out more:

https://bejakovic.com/mve/

Why do I keep linking to Amazon???

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I got a question from a reader last week, which I didn’t realize until just now had a slight dig at me towards the end:

===

I noticed that you linked to Amazon quite a lot in recent weeks … curious about your rationale?

Engagement, commission, or simply being unpredictable (ultimately become predictable)?

===

How’s this for predictable:

It is well known, by anybody who knows anything about Internet marketing, that linking to Amazon, particularly to books on Amazon, particularly to books on Amazon that feature word “eskimo” in the title, increases Gmail deliverability. This in turn translates to higher engagement and greater retention on expensive continuity programs like the ones I don’t sell.

No. Of course not. It’s nothing like that.

There’s no kind of tactical reason for why I’ve linked to a few Amazon books over the past few weeks.

I did it because the books were valuable and useful to me, and I thought they could be valuable and useful to you.

But beyond that, there is another, more personal reason.

I could explain that reason in my own words.

But the fact is, somebody has already explained it for me, in words that are so good thath they have stuck with me for 6+ years now, and that come ringing back in my head at certain key moments in my life.

If you’d like to find out those words, and maybe learn something that can help you run your business and your life better for the long term, then read the following, which is not an Amazon book:

https://www.psychotactics.com/greater-profits/

2 words I like to be reminded of every morning

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I was getting ready to shave this morning — foam, razor, face were all ready to go — when a yellow sticky note floated down from my bathroom mirror and landed in the sink.

“Oh no,” I said, “it’s all wet and ruined now.”

I put that yellow sticky note up on my bathroom mirror three months ago. It survived until now. It did well to live that long. It has now been replaced by a new yellow sticky note, which has the same two words on it:

“PRODUCER MOJO”

Three months ago, I got back into Travis Sago’s world. I wrote about Travis a couple times over the past week. In case the name still doesn’t ring a bell, Travis is basically an Internet marketing dude who’s been in the game some 20 years, maybe longer.

It was Travis’s advice to take a sticky note, write PRODUCER MOJO on it, and put it somewhere where you’ll see it regularly.

The idea is to become the marketing version of a Hollywood producer.

Hollywood producers don’t really “do” anything. They don’t direct. They don’t write. They don’t act. They don’t take a razor blade and cut rolls of film in two and then glue them back together.

Instead, producers… produce, whatever that means. My best guess is that they bring together other talented or resourceful people, and guide them towards some sort of common, hopefully worthwhile goal.

I’d actually first heard Travis promote “PRODUCER MOJO” four years ago, during my first visit to his world.

At that time, the idea of being a producer didn’t appeal to me.

“I like to write,” I told myself. “I don’t want to trade that for managing a bunch of people.”

Somehow, the idea is more appealing now. Maybe because I’ve aged a few years and I’ve had some experience running an Internet marketing business myself.

Or maybe, because I realized that producing doesn’t have to equal managing — maybe it can mean roping in an effective manager.

Anyways, that’s the idea I wanted to share with you today:

PRODUCER MOJO

… because there are plenty of people who have written thrilling stories, or who have tearjerking acting skills, or who just don’t know where to invest the oodles of money that are pouring out of their pants pockets.

There’s no law that says you have to ignore all this, and instead make a movie that you write, film, act every role in, and of course, fund. And don’t forget the special effects and makeup that you also do yourself.

I mean, you can do all those things.

But it’s not the only way.

And if you want to be reminded of that, then get a yellow sticky note, write PRODUCER MOJO on it, and put it somewhere where you’ll see it.

Or simply reply to this email. Because maybe you have some assets already. So do I. There’s no guarantee we’ll end up making a movie together, but if we talk, and compare what we each have, who knows where that could lead.

A hard way to live

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There have been periods of my life — years at a time — when I’ve made a habit of walking up to strange but attractive women on the street, giving them a compliment, and starting a conversation.

It’s surprisingly hard to do.

Not because of the women. The worst that ever happens from their side is a polite thank you and a smile.

The best that ever happens — well, I’ve had two long-term relationships that started in this way.

No, the reason it’s hard is because of my own fears, insecurities, and the stories I tell myself.

For example, if I see an attractive woman walking on an empty street, I will think, “It’s not a great place to go talk to her… she will be freaked out because there’s nobody else around.”

On the other hand, if I see even one other person around, I will think, “It’s not a great place to go talk to her… everybody will be standing around and watching.”

In other words, right is bad, left is bad, and you don’t want to go straight either.

A hard way to live, no?

I’m telling you this because yesterday I wrote an email promoting a new book by Travis Sago. As I said in that email, I’ve listened to Travis and learned more from him this year than from anybody else.

Even though Travis doesn’t sell any courses for less than a few grand, and even though his yearly mastermind costs something like $50k, this book is a $9.99 summary of his best marketing ideas.

And yet, in reply to my email yesterday, I got the following message from a reader:

“It’s only got 42 reviews… not great”

I’m featuring this reader reply because I recognized myself in it. Maybe you can recognize yourself too.

Specifically, maybe you can recognize the part of the brain that likes to make living hard. It says things like:

“It’s only got 42 reviews… not great. It can’t be, if nobody else is reading it.”

Or…

“It’s already got 420 reviews… not great. Everybody else has read this, so I can’t get any advantage from it.”

The fact is, a good idea is a good idea, whether it comes in a new or old package, whether it’s popular or fringe.

I’m currently re-reading the Robert Collier Letter Book, which was published 100 years ago and which has hundreds of 5-star reviews. I’m also reading Travis’s book, which was published a month ago and has 42 5-star reviews.

I could give you more proof to back up Travis’s credibility.

Would more proof matter to you?

Maybe. Or maybe that part of your brain that likes to make living hard would still pipe up with a new story.

One thing I’ve learned over all those years of walking up to women on the street is that you don’t always have to accept all the stories your brain serves up.

Life can be easier, more successful, and actually more pleasant that way.

Also, if you’d like to get Travis’s book, and maybe learn something valuable, here’s the link:

https://bejakovic.com/sandwich