Copywriting

Vegan sheila sues BBQ neighbors, marketing truth emerges

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The Internet is tittering today because of some bizarre news from Down Undah:

Nearly 9,000 fun-loving Aussies are planning a massive BBQ in front of the house of some sheila who complained about the barbecued meat smells wafting over from her neighbors’ yard.

The woman in question is a vegan. She described her experience inhaling barbecued fish aroma as “devastating” and “turmoil.”

And though the neighbors tried to appease her in various ways, the vegan sheila would not be appeased.

Instead, she took her neighbors to court. Not once, not twice, but thrice.

She even submitted a 600-page appeal when her case was dismissed.

So now, in retribution, she’s getting the mass BBQ on her front lawn.

Along with the derision of an international brigade of Internet strangers, all of whom are calling her crazy and entitled.

Well, I don’t agree.

I don’t think this woman is crazy.

Or entitled.

I think she’s just very good at buying the lies she’s been told:

“It’s immoral to eat meat.”

​”Own your own home — it will be your castle!”

​”Victim of injustice? Don’t worry. The court system is here to help you.”

We’re all a little like that vegan sheila. We just fall for different sales pitches.

But given her level of ferociousness, this woman does seem to be a particularly good potential customer.

So I wish I had something good to sell her, which would help her in her current misery.

Ideally, that would be a fire-breathing vegan political candidate, one who vows to set to rights all the wrongs this anti-BBQ victim has experienced.

Unfortunately, I’m not doing any political consulting yet.

But the same insights, about disappointed hopes and the unending search for a better life, can be used in more traditional marketing as well. If you wanna see how, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

An ugly 8-point checklist for writing copy faster

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I read a story yesterday about energetic writer Georges Simenon.

Over the course of his life, Simenon put out almost 200 novels, over 150 novellas, and countless stories.

He wrote fast. And he wouldn’t allow himself to be interrupted while writing.

So one time, when Alfred Hitchcock called, he was told that Simenon was unavailable, because he’d just started writing a new novel.

“That’s all right,” said Hitchcock. “I’ll wait.”

I bring this up because some time last week, I wrote about the importance of writing fast for copywriters.

It’s not simply about whipping yourself to go faster, like a burdened and bleeding donkey that’s struggling up a hill.

No bleeding is required.

Because there are ways to write and finish copy faster, while actually producing better results and stressing less. Here are some of those ways, based on my experience:

#1. Minimize your commute

It’s exhausting to read a bit, to switch tabs, to write a bit, to switch tabs again — no, wrong tab — switch tabs again, read a bit…

​​It’s like commuting to work. It doesn’t pay, but it costs you.

Things that I’ve experimented with to minimize this commute include keeping a notebook and writing down ideas with pen and paper while I read on the laptop. Also, opening up new browser and text editor windows specifically for that one project, and staying within them while working on the project.

#2. Steal from the rich and give to the poor

Keep track of successful ads and promotions. And then use them to swipe lead ideas. Swipe headline structure. Swipe sales letter outlines. Look over your swipe file, pull out a dozen relevant ads, put them all in front of your face, and use them for inspiration.

#3. Let that turkey bake

Before you start jamming away at your keyboard, give your creative mechanism a bit of time and space to form some ideas. This might sound a bit woo-woo, but you’ll know when it’s time to start writing.

#4. Channel Jack Kerouac

Once the turkey has reached critical temperature, put your hands on the keyboard and write. Write fast, physically fast, without punctuation, indentation, fact checking, etc. Channel Jack Kerouac, who wrote On The Road, an xx-page novel [fill in later], in y days [fill in later].

#5. Be the hammer AND the anvil

Goethe wrote, “You must be either the servant or the master, the hammer or the anvil.” Well, I think you gotta do both. First give your orders and make your commands, without mercy. Then, follow your own orders and commands blindly, without thinking or doubting.

This is where checklists, templates, and systems come in. Don’t have ’em yet? Start right now, and define some systems and checklists for yourself. Then get to work, and update your checklists and systems based on your results.

#6. “It takes an early bird to get the best of a worm like me”

That’s a quote from the great movie Pillow Talk. And it’s appropriate because in this worm’s experience, it’s best to work in the mornings. The brain is just more productive. I’ve heard this from lots of copywriters as well. These days, my working day usually starts at 7:30am and finishes by 11:30am.

#7. All play and no work makes John a tired boy

I work for 45 minutes and then I take a 15 minute break. But those 45 minutes are devoted to the task I’m working on. If I can’t focus on work, then I simply stare at the laptop in contempt.

The reason I do this is NOT to be more productive, though that’s a nice side effect. The reason is that it’s exhausting to force myself to get back to work after I’ve been slacking off. And it drags out the whole project by much more than just the wasted time.

#8. Accept gifts from the deep

Coming up with ideas is hard. Particularly when working. On the other hand, my brain — or some deep, unconscious part of it — will often come up with ideas at random times throughout the day. So I write those ideas down whenever they come, and I use my working time for more menial, mechanical, and less creative work.

And that’s my 8-item checklist. I hope you will find it useful. And yes, I realize that 8 is an ugly number, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

Of course, I will update this checklist when new ideas pop into my head.

Or when I start a new project, and I find that I’m still getting stuck and writing too slowly, even with this checklist in hand.

But more about that later. For now, if you want more checklists, specifically for writing story-based advertorials, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

“Hating freelancing right now”

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I’m still working on revamping my book about succeeding as a freelancer on Upwork. One part of what I’ll include is my answers to 64 high-level, “big obstacle” questions that freelancers, including those on Upwork, tend to run into regularly.

Such as the following question from Reddit:

“Back then when I started out to work online (Internet Marketing & SEO) I kinda enjoyed it a bit but nowadays after 3 years part-time and now 1 year full time I kinda hate it at all..

“What might be the reason for it? Just bcz I got some money on my bank account? I think that gives me some trust that I can just chill out.”

I’ve personally never hated freelancing. But I have hated myself as well as my life while freelancing.

I put this down to my bad tendency to blame myself rather than external factors. And if you think I’m humblebragging, I’m not. I genuinely think it’s good for your mental health in the long run if you can honestly say, “I would have been successful — if not for the damned rain.” If instead you say (like I do), “It’s my fault because I didn’t bring an umbrella, stupid stupid!” you will eat away at yourself too much, too soon.

Anyways, on to the question.

I don’t know what causes hate, whether of freelancing or of the freelancer and his life. But I do know what can work as a fix.

In my experience, it’s to keep experimenting with different techniques. Some ideas:

Work in tight routines.

Stop working in tight routines and allow yourself to work however much and whenever you want.

Take a change of scenery.

Take a break during the day and do something new to appreciate the fact that you have flexibility.

Keep looking to improve your skills and get more specialized and valuable.

Keep increasing your rates to make your life better and to challenge yourself.

Keep working on your own side projects that will both help you with freelancing and might have some value on their own.

None of these things is going to be THE ONE TRUE answer. But if you keep trying them all, and switching them up, you might just make your whole life better, in small but significant ways, in many different dimensions. And in time that will help you cope with tough times, because those will always come. But they don’t have to cause you to descend into spittle-ejecting hate.

So that’s my bit of pulpit beating for today.

If you have questions about freelancing or copywriting obstacles, you might like that book about Upwork I’m preparing. To get notified when I finish it up, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer

“Half of my copy is wasted but I do not know which half”

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I just read that the US government is deploying the military to fight fake news.

The plan is to spend billions of dollars to create high-tech, military-grade, “Hot or Not” artificial intelligence that can detect fake news automatically.

Good luck to ’em.

Though personally, I’m all for fake news.

After all, that’s kind of how I make my living.

Over the past 9 months, the bulk of my income has been from writing “advertorials” that are shown to Facebook users.

And while I’m not helping get Trump elected (yet), I am writing propaganda that’s pretending to be more or less innocent blog posts.

The similarity between this and “Russian meddling” was so obvious to me that I even considered naming my upcoming book on advertorials, “Fake News Bonanza.”

Anyways, while we are on the topic of advertorials, I want to bring up an ancient proverb.

It’s been attributed to Biblical-era marketers such as John Wannamaker and William Wrigley. It goes something like this:

“I know that half of my advertising is wasted but I do not know which half.”

Luckily, this isn’t just a problem for advertisers who pony up the money to run ads.

It’s also a problem for copywriters, who depend on the success of their copy either 1) to get more work or 2) to get paid.

I found myself in this situation just recently while writing an advertorial for a protein + caffeine shake.

Who’s really buying this thing? And why?

I don’t know. At best, I could write up two versions of the advertorial, one for each of my best guesses on the target market.

So that’s what I did.

The good news is, I can do a little bit better than Messrs. Wrigley and Wannamaker.

Because as a copywriter, you don’t actually have to watch half of your copy go to waste.

It’s enough to simply come up with a new headline (“My new go-to keto breakfast!”)…

A new lead (“Oh no, I’m so late again”)…

And then to watch which of the alternate approaches will prove best.

If you are a copywriter, I hope this little tip helps you double the odds of success, while only costing you 5% more effort.

And if you’re an advertiser — or a copywriter — you might find the following interesting. It’s a sign-up list to get notified when I launch that book on advertorials, which will have much more specific advice about how to make advertorials successful:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How to write copy much faster without working any harder

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When most people sit down to write sales copy, they go about it all wrong.

First, they beat on the keyboard for a few minutes or a few hours.

Then they look over the mess they’ve made.

And then they start pulling out their hair in frustration.

Time is passing, but they haven’t written a damn thing yet. Not anything good, at least.

But not you.

Because right now, you’re gonna find out a little secret that I recently discovered in a massively successful promotion, written by A-list copywriter Parris Lampropoulos. I call it the “suckers lead.” It goes like this:

HEADLINE: How to [get unlikely benefit X]

LEAD: Most people [do the conventional thing and get screwed]. But not you. Because you turned to [page in the book on offer]. Here are some of the secrets you’ll learn: [list of fascinations].

Now, maybe you think this lead is obvious.

Maybe you’re saying, “Yeah, sure John. I coulda thotothat myself. I don’t need you to tell me some supposed A-lister’s supposed dumb secrets.”

If that’s how you feel, then I pity you, young starling.

Because you are likely to waste a lot of time, pull out a lot of hair, and write a lot of shitty copy.

You see, one of the things I’ve been focusing on relentlessly over the past weeks…

Is writing FASTER.

It’s not about typing furiously, about stressing yourself out, or about producing crap.

Instead, it’s about having templates, checklists, and processes to eliminate wasted work, second-guessing, and thumb twiddling.

That’s one of the reasons why I’m collecting leads like the one above — even if they might seem simple.

In fact, this is something I’ll do with the advertorials book I’m putting together. I’ll include a list of simple leads, outlines, and angles to use for various kinds of products.

In case you’re interested in seeing this when it comes out, here’s where you can sign up to get notified when I finish and release this book:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

10 fresh ways for freelancers to compete against cheaper rates

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A question comes via the Reddit copywriting group:

“How do you compete against people who can do the same work you can, but much cheaper because they live in a country where living is just cheaper (India for example)?”

I honestly don’t think it will matter much what I say.

Because most people who ask this question are too far gone.

Like R. Kelly, fighting against his evil urges but giving in inevitably…

These people are possessed by the evil urge to believe that freelancing won’t work out for them. And like R. Kelly, they will inevitably give in to this urge. They will prove themselves right and fail.
​
Of course, it doesn’t have to be this way.

So in the interest of eternal glory and in the hope it might help someone somewhere, here are 10 fresh ways, which I’ve just baked up, to help you compete even against thousands of people who will charge much less than you:

#1. Have a track record of success. I just read that Stefan Georgi charges between $50k and $100k for a sales letter, plus royalties. His secret? The long track record of making his clients much more than he charges them.

#2. Be more likable. People will hire you just because they like you. Conversely, they will refuse to hire you just because they dislike you.

#3. Get there first. Be the first to apply for an opportunity. Or get in contact with clients that nobody else is approaching. Or that nobody else can reach.

#4. Offer a guarantee. Most freelancer copywriters don’t offer a guarantee. This includes me. I tell clients, “I guarantee I’ll work my ass off for you, and that’s it.” So if you are brave and smart and you offer a guarantee, you can stand out.

#5. Explain your service better. Like Claude Hopkins, who made Schlitz the #1 beer in America by saying it’s pasteurized after it’s sealed. Every other beer was pasteurized as well. But nobody else was explaining these facts.

#6. Explain why your service is better. Why do you deliver a better service than others — other than just trying hard?

#7. Be non-needy. There’s some magic in not worrying whether any particular client comes or goes. The best way to do this is by having other good options. You’ll be surprised how well clients will pay you when they realize you don’t need their money.

#8. Be famous. Start a blog. Get on a podcast. Get on a stage. Marry a Kardashian.

#9. Move into the profits column. Stop offering services that cost your clients money. Instead, start offering services that make your clients money, and take a share of the money they make.

#10. Let your clients sell themselves. I’ve talked about this before, but simply by asking your clients a few open-ended questions about their business, their problems, and their projects, you can often get them to sell themselves — without you saying much or anything at all.

Will these 10 tips help you? I hope so.

And if you have some more questions about the business of copy and how to make it work for you, you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer

The Warren Beatty strategy for seducing copywriting clients

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“Women are like a jar of olives. You can eat one, close it up. Or you can eat them all.”
— Warren Beatty

I recently read some statistics about the sex life of Warren Beatty.

The man lost his virginity at age 20.

And then, he became a Hollywood star.

Over the next 35 years, he supposedly slept with almost 13,000 women, according to the best estimates of his biographer, Peter Biskind.

That averages to a new woman every day.

Almost certainly not true. Even Beatty himself has denied the claim.

However, he has over the decades been associated with a lot of famous women, including Melanie Griffith, Darryl Hannah, Jane Fonda, Vivien Leigh, Madonna, Carly Simon, Goldie Hawn, Barbara Streisand…

Oh, and Joan Collins, who said Beatty was “so pretty but just TOO exhausting in the bedroom.”

Mind you, all those women knew about each other. In other words, Beatty’s playboy background didn’t hurt. It helped. ​​

Anyways, now that you have that in mind, I want to tell you something related that might help your copywriting career.

I am currently negotiating a project with a client that I’ve done some smaller work for.

If this comes through, it will be the biggest single project I have had to date.

But the interesting thing is how I got this client.

About a year ago, I wrote him a cold email to introduce myself.

“Sounds interesting,” he replied. “I will keep you in mind.”

And he did.

He first hired me for a single project around December, then again for something in April, then a few small things earlier this summer. And now, here we are.

And here’s the thing.

I’ve sent the same cold email to several other leads.

They haven’t hired me yet. But they have all gotten back to me very quickly, with an almost identical response.

“Sounds interesting. I will keep you in mind.”

So what was the cold email? Well, if you’d like to find that out, you can get it inside my shamelessly promiscuous A-List Zone. For more information:

https://bejakovic.com/alist-zone

A natural path to heavier testicles

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The first time I got my testosterone levels tested was in 2012.

They came back normal. Even healthy.

I wasn’t pleased.

Because back then, I wasn’t feeling particularly normal or healthy.

I was 32 at the time, but I had less interest in sex than when I was 9 years old.

I wasn’t sleeping very well, and most days I was as tired as a used towel.

And though I did my squats and deadlifts and even hip thrusters, I wasn’t getting much stronger or more muscular.

So regardless of the reassuring lab results, I kept worrying about my testosterone levels. And I kept getting them tested, until predictably, I got one result that said — LOW.

“I knew it!” I said triumphantly.

And I set off on a multi-year crusade to get my already-normal testosterone levels back to normal.

So I loaded up on the grass-fed butter and vitamin A…

I made sure to avoid handling receipts, because, you know, CHEMICALS…

And I constantly scoured the Internet for supplements from the mountains of Peru or the jungles of Cambodia that had some bro science claims about improving your manliness.

Unfortunately, nothing changed.

My testosterone levels stayed mainly normal (“Lies!”) and I didn’t feel much progress in practical terms (“I don’t understand, you want to come over to my place tonight? To watch a movie? Why?”)

There was no saving me. I slowly resigned myself to a life of undiagnosed low testosterone levels.

And then, while browsing a science magazine at lunch, I came across an intriguing medical study:

“YOGURT INCREASES TESTICULAR WEIGHT”

It turns out some scientists, at MIT no less, fed a bunch of undersexed male mice a yogurt made with a specific strain of probiotics.

Result?

Shinier mouse fur.

Lower mouse inflammation.

Heavier mouse testicles (yes, they killed the mice and cut off their testicles and put the testicles on a mice-testicle-sized scale).

And finally: more mouse testosterone!

Now, I bring all this up for two reasons.

First, because, while a caricature, it is all true. The probiotic strain in question is called Lactobacillus reuteri ATCC 6475. ​​A bit of googling will quickly lead you to the MIT study, as well as to a recipe for making your own L. reuteri yogurt (which tastes delicious, and, you know, works, at least in my experience).

But the other reason has to do with copywriting.

Because this post uses the same basic skeleton as an advertorial I wrote recently.

It’s a good skeleton for introducing a new product, particularly one that’s got some science behind it.

If you look over this post, you can probably glean this skeleton easily with your X-ray vision.

But if you cannot, then you will want to read my upcoming book on advertorials, where I will go over this particularly skeleton in detail, along with other go-to skeletons I’ve used for advertorials.

You can sign up here to get notified when I finish and release this book:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

A hot tip for copywriters and others

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Get ready for some hard-as-headboards teaching. To set it up, let me give you some example headlines:

A. Retire in 15 years
B. How to have a cool, quiet bedroom
C. Key to fitness at any age

Decent headlines, right? All of them have a benefit, all of them are clear, all of them are short.

However, let’s say for the sake of argumance that you wanted to do better.

How might you tweak the above headlines to increase the number of grateful readers who fall into your ad and start reading your copy?

Take a moment and really think about it.

I’ll tell you in a second, but think about it first.

All right, thought some?

Well, here are alternate versions of the above headlines. All of these alternate versions outperformed the versions listed first. And if you look carefully, all of these alternate versions have something in common:

A. How a man of 40 can retire in 15 years
B. How to have a cool, quiet bedroom — even on hot nights
C. Key to fitness at any age for men and women

We know these alternate versions outperformed the originals because these were all case studies reported by the great John Caples in his book Tested Advertising Methods.

So what’s the lesson contained in Caples’s case studies?

Well if you look at the alternate headlines, you could slice the changes in different ways:

– calling out the audience
– addressing objections
– intensifying the promise

But I think all of these different slices can be put under the single, powerful, and shady umbrella of:

Specificity.

Sure, “Retire in 15 years” actually implies “How a man of 40 can retire in 40 years.”

But that’s not how people read ads.

You’ve got a fraction of an unconscious second to wake up your slumbering prospect and get him to hear what you have to say.

Don’t count on his tired brain to do any calculating in your favor.

Instead, use as much specificity as you can. Even if it’s redundant or not actually specific, such as saying “Key to fitness for men and women.”

So that’s my hot tip for copywriters.

Or others, such as business owners who hire copywriters.

​​And if that’s you, and you are looking for more specific copywriting tips (that have to do with increasing sales), then you might like the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Airbnb goes direct response

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Last December, top-flight copywriter Dan Ferrari sent out an email about big changes he was seeing in the copywriting and direct marketing worlds. One part of it was the following:

So watch as companies with products and businesses that don’t really fall into our little world of internet direct response start to require the services of people that know how traffic, copy, and funnels work online, at mega-scale.

Even what you might think of as more traditional “brand” companies (if you have a keen eye, you’ll already have noticed this is happening with companies like Samsung, Bissell, etc…)

It’s going to be another area of HUGE growth and along with it, more big opportunities for the copywriters that have proven themselves.

This stuck in my head. But since I don’t go much on Facebook, since I refuse to download any apps on my phone, and since I live in a tiny eastern European country that doesn’t get too much ad targeting…

I hadn’t seen any examples of the big new players that Dan was talking about.

Well, until today.

Today, I opened up a Newsmax email. Newsmax is a massive newsletter that caters to aging baby boomers who love Trump, hate Obama, and worry about diabetes, immigrants, and race riots. Each Newsmax email has the latest-breaking news from a conservative standpoint, along with a few carefully placed links to long-form, very hard-hitting sales letters.

Except not today.

Today, the sponsored post in Newsmax was for Airbnb. The headline read:

“Earn while you’re away”

The pitch was that you could make money renting out your home on Airbnb while you travel. And the link took you to a regular Airbnb page for signing up hosts.

Now, I personally find it hard to imagine that a 65-year-old retired dentist, who’s afraid that El Salvadorean immigrants are coming to displace him from his castle of a home that he finally paid off after 30 years, will be thrilled with the idea of opening up said home to strangers while he goes traveling (where? to Bali?).

And even if he was curious about this offer, I’m not sure he would know what to do with the Airbnb page that the ad linked to.

In other words, I expect that the Airbnb Newsmax promo was a big stinkin’ flop.

But who cares? Airbnb is currently valued at $35 billion. They can afford to throw away a measly $20k or $50k on some failed ad tests.

But eventually, they will wise up, and they will ask their direct marketing to actually turn some kind of a profit.

And when that happens, you’ll see the situation that Dan was describing above:

“Big opportunities for the copywriters that have proven themselves.”

Just something to think about if you’re deciding whether copywriting is something you want to double-down on, or if you just want to keep dabbling in it from the sidelines.

If you are doubling-down, then you might like my upcoming book. It will talk about what I’ve learned over the past year while writing advertorials for some successful cold traffic campaigns. To get notified when I finish this book, you can sign up here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/