Copywriting

Big Bottom Sunday

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“I saw her on Sunday, ’twas my lucky bun day, you know what I mean.”
— Spinal Tap, Big Bottom

I used to struggle writing daily emails until I made a small change.

It took me all of 5 minutes to set up, but it’s saved me hours and hours of frustration…

It’s made writing daily emails easier and more fun…

And it has created better results, by forcing me to ferret open some creative drawers I didn’t know I had.

So what was the change?

Simple. I made a “calendar.”

At the start of each month, I set up a planned-out structure for the type of email I will write each day.

It turns out creativity is easier with boundaries.

And it’s a lot easier with a lot of boundaries.

So for example, yesterday was a “On today’s date…” email. Instead of sitting and staring at an empty screen while waiting for inspiration, I went online, did 2 minutes of research, and found out it was the 50th anniversary of the first episode of Monty Python. The email wrote itself after that.

Same thing today. Today’s email structure is… well, I bet you can figure it out. Though I did have to tweak it to make it fit.

Anyways, if you’re struggling with topics for daily emails, then maybe a “calendar” of restrictions could help you, too. And if you want more advice to help you stimulate copywriting creativity, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

They promised us violence but when the theater doors opened…

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For the past few days, newspapers around the country have been trying to scare us into seeing the new Joker movie. Here are some of the recent headlines:

“WEEKEND: ‘JOKER’ OPENS AS VIOLENCE FEARS SIMMER…”

“Studio Exec Warned: ‘Don’t Make This Movie’…”

“FBI on alert…”

Maybe I’m jaded, but this feels like a transparent marketing ploy by Hollywood execs.

Because I saw the trailer for the Joker a few nights ago. It didn’t seem interesting or intriguing. Though it did have a reference to the old Bob Monkouse joke:

“They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now!”

I can’t prove it, but I suspect this joke is itself a reference to a very famous ad headline:

“They laughed when I sat down at the piano but when I started to play!”

This headline has been ripped off, directly and indirectly, in hundreds or thousands of ads.

It’s become one of the great headline archetypes, along with “Do you make these mistakes in English?” and “How to win friends and influence people.”

But what makes the “They laughed” headline so effective?

Well, in just a few words, it starts to tell a story…

It introduces high stakes (nobody likes being humiliated)…

It creates intrigue and curiosity (“What happened when you sat down?”)…

And it implies a benefit (“I bet you showed them!”).

All that in just 15 words. I think that’s more excitement than you’re likely to get in 121 minutes of The Joker.

Anyways, keep the power of the “They laughed” headline in mind when writing simple stories in your marketing materials.

And if you want help in making those stories intriguing and curiosity-pumping, then you can find some specific advice in the following book on copywriting for advertorials:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

How local businesses can drum up new sales with simple emails

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Over the past couple of days, I’ve had an explosion of new email subscribers. I’m not sure where they’re all coming from or how they are finding me.

What’s even stranger is that among the usual gmail and hotmail addresses, I’m also seeing a bunch of emails associated with local businesses from all around the US.

A pest control company… a photography studio… a car repair shop… even a company that specializes in grinding knives and blades.

Anyways, if you’ve got a local business, then you might like this post.

Because I’ve prepared 10 ideas for emails to send your customers and leads. I’ve personally seen every one of these types of emails build a better relationship with customers, as well as drum up new sales for local businesses.

#1. “The telephone”

There’s a realtor from Tulsa, OK who is a master of local marketing. At first, she emailed her leads and talked about real estate. Nobody cared. So she figured out what people really wanted: her personal stories and pictures of her cute dog. This made people feel like she was talking to them, just like they were on the phone together. And her business took off like crazy.

#2. “The salt & pepper shakers”

There are a bunch of businesses out there that are complementary to yours. Example: photography studio -> catering service (for weddings and other special events). So you can simply send out an email recommending another good business you know about. Bonus points if you make it a tit-for-tat deal, where they promote you to their list as well.

#3. “The ‘OPEN’ sign”

Simple. Just use an email to answer a question that people are always asking you.

#4. “The nightly news”

Be a bloodhound for interesting local information. Good restaurants you’ve discovered. Special events that are going on. Cute spots not everyone knows about.

#5. “The light bulb”

You know that uncomfortable feeling when you’re driving in the rain and your windshield is getting fogged up? And how much of a relief it is to finally blast the heating and defog the windows? Well, that’s how your customers will feel when you give them a good metaphor to illustrate their problem in a new way.

#6. “The coupon book”

Give ’em a reason to come in to your store or shop, or to give you a call. Do it in a friendly and fun and entertaining way. And include a deadline.

#7. “The family Christmas card”

Share company news, even if it’s trivial. The key is to make it lighthearted and personal.

#8. “The vacation photo album”

Share industry news. Tread carefully, though. 99% of industry news won’t be as interesting to your customers as it is to you (like the realtor found out in point 1 above). Only share industry news if it’s colossally important, or if it’s amusing or a bit bizarre.

#9. “The magazine”

Write about other topics that your customers will find interesting. For example, there’s a company I follow that sells infrared saunas. In some of their emails, they also cover topics like detoxification… pain relief… and weight loss. All of which are of interest to the type of person who buys an infrared sauna.

#10. “The hammer”

Give your customers info to help them solve their problems. If you’ve got a pest control company, share your expert advice on how to prevent an ant infestation, or how to deal with minor cases. And then tell your customers to give you a call if the ants start to win out and the situation gets out of hand.

And there ya go. if you mix and match these emails, make them a little bit entertaining, a little bit personal, and a little bit useful, then your customers or prospects will happily read them each time you write. And more importantly, they will soon start to respond with their business.

Anyways, if you too want to get on my email list, so you can get more information like this every day, it’s easy and free to sign up. Just go here and follow the simple instructions:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Puerto Rico

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I don’t know much about Puerto Rico except two things:

1) It gets regularly flattened by hurricanes

2) “International Man” Simon Black praises it as a good place to do business

Neither of those makes me really want to visit the place.

But I’m reading David Ogilvy’s “On Advertising” right now. Ogilvy is famous in copywriting circles for his Rolls-Royce ad:

“At 60 miles an hour the loudest noise in this new Rolls-Royce comes from the electric clock”

Along with Rolls-Royce, Ogilvy also wrote copy for many other massive corporate accounts. ​American Express. Shell. IBM. But he didn’t do advertising for products and companies only.

Ogilvy also sold countries.

His advertising agency produced big tourism campaigns for England, France, and, most famously, Puerto Rico. As Ogilvy says in his book:

“The biggest obstacle to tourism in Puerto Rico was its image. Research showed that people believed it to be the dirtiest, poorest, most squalid island in the Caribbean. Nothing could have been further from the truth, and this I demonstrated in advertisements. Tourism increased by leaps and bounds.”

Ogilvy created ads for Puerto Rico that captured attention… overcame objections… told a story… and most important, created a vision.

Do you want to see how?

Then check out the following ad for Puerto Rico from 1958, and see how Ogilvy creates vision, both through copy and through the image (taken by famous penny-pinching photographer Elliott Erwitt):

“Fugitive” headline on run for 45 years captured in 2019 ad

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I read in today’s news that a fugitive in China, on the lam for 17 years, was finally caught inside the cave where he had been hiding.

Police couldn’t track him down for years.

But they finally found him by flying drones over a wooded mountain region where he had been living a Yeti-like existence for so long that he had forgotten how to speak.

This modern use of technology to rope in poor fugitive scum made me think of a much older technology.

The WANTED poster.

Or rather, the WANTED headline.

In his 1974 book Tested Advertising Methods, famed copywriter John Caples wrote that “Wanted” is a good word to use in headlines.

“Wanted — Man with car to run a store on wheels”

Fast forward to 2019, and this WANTED idea was just spotted scurrying across a subject line for an Health Sciences Institute email, which ran twice this month.

The thing is, not all headline formats that worked back in 1974 work today.

And in spite of the HSI email, you probably shouldn’t count on WANTED being a great headline format today.

However, the underlying idea is still very sound.

And that idea is to specifically call out your audience.

So looking back over the last couple of years, here are some examples of successful headline complexes that do exactly this:

* Confirmed: If you are over 60 as of January 1, 2019, you need to protect yourself now…
* Warren Buffett’s Shocking Advice to Americans Who Hope to Retire in the Next 5-7 Years
* Attention: Men & Women Over Age 50:

By the way, did you know Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan wrote a song titled “Wanted Man” back in 1967?

Cash sang it live at San Quentin Prison to a crowd of felons.

I’ve always liked this song for its list of no-name American towns that still meant something fifty years ago, as well as for the backing vocals, courtesy of Johnny Cash’s wife and her family.

If you have 3 minutes and 24 seconds, and you want to give this song a listen, here’s the original, outlaw recording:

Who wins: aggressive or submissive copy voice

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Across the street from where I live, there’s an apartment with a nice terrace where they often shoot TV commercials for things like mayonnaise and general purpose loans.

Whenever they are getting ready to shoot one of these commercials, they send an advance man. He’s in charge of blocking off the parking up and down the street, so the TV crew trucks will have a place to park.

This pisses off the residents, who get nothing but frustration from these frequent shoots.

And so today, as I was coming out of my building, a heated argument erupted over this.

A guy with an SUV drove over the little orange cones and police tape and parked in one of the cordoned-off spots.

The TV crew guy in charge of the parking ran over yelling, “Stop! Get out of there! We’re a TV crew! I’ll call the police!”

“Call the police,” the owner of the SUV told him, “and go fuck yourself.”

They kept at it, repeating these same two lines over and over as I walked away and out of earshot.

Now, I’ve been writing about negotiation lately and this made me think of the okay/unokay advice from famed negotiation coach Jim Camp.

“Only one person can feel okay in a negotiation,” says Camp, “and it’s not you.”

That would have been good advice for the unfortunate TV crew guy. When I came home three hours later, he was still there, sitting dejectedly on the opposite corner of the street. As far away as possible from the still-parked SUV.

He had no hand. Yelling and threatening with calling the police was only counterproductive. It might have been better to try to be unokay and say something like:

“I know, man. I hate this job. I know you got no place to park and I’m sorry for putting these stupid cones to try to keep you out. The company makes me do this and it makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve got no right telling you not to park here. I’m just so stressed. When the TV crew comes later and sees your car parked here, they’re gonna nail me to the cross cuz they won’t be able to put the truck anywhere. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

I’m not sure the SUV driver would have bought it, but it would have been worth a shot.

But what about the SUV guy though?

Whole different story.

​​Being aggressive and inconsiderate worked for him. He got everything he wanted from this negotiation without making his adversary feel okay. Quite the opposite, in fact.

And that’s the application to copywriting.

Some copywriting gurus will advise a very aggressive and commanding tone of voice. “You’ve got my money,” they effectively say to the prospect, “now hand it over.”

Others advise being more skeptical and subtle — or even submissive. They basically offer the reader the chance to buy, rather than bullying him into buying.

So which one is better?

Well, just like in the parking situation above, it depends. Mainly on who you’re talking to, and what you’re offering them. A $27 bizopp offer, targeting frustrated retail workers, will use one level of aggressiveness. A $5400 business service targeting successful entrepreneurs will use another.

In other words, there’s no single answer. And if anybody tells you differently, it’s because they’re selling something — to only one type of market.

The riddle of the fragmented Nobel prize

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Here’s a quick riddle for ya:

Back in 2016, the Nobel Prize in Medicine went to a biologist named Yoshinori Ohsumi.

In 2015, however, the Nobel Prize in Medicine was shared between two scientists who had worked together, William Campbell and Satoshi Omura. Actually, they only got half of the prize. The other half went to a third scientist, Tu Youyou, for her work on a completely unrelated problem.

I’ll give you the riddle in just a second. But first, here’s a potentially useful bit of info:

The 2016 prize was for Ohsumi’s discovery of how “autophagy” works in the body. This topic is interesting and important. But as far as I understand, it’s also rather theoretical and abstract, and unlikely to save lives any time soon.

On the other hand, one of the scientists who shared the 2015 prize discovered a drug to treat malaria. The other two recipients discovered a drug to stop blindness-causing parasites. In other words, their work is extremely practical and immediately useful. In fact, it has already been responsible for hundreds of millions of saved lives and prevented disfigurements.

So here’s the riddle I want you to ponder:

Why did the Nobel Prize committee award the whole prize to Ohsumi in 2016… but feel they should “pad out” the recipient list in 2015, and split it among two unrelated groups?

I don’t have the definitive answer to this riddle. And it’s probably just a coincidence.

But it reminded me of a book I’d read a while back called Disciplined Minds.

This book was written by Jeff Schmidt, a PhD physicist and the former editor of a reputable physics journal.

In one chapter of the book, Schmidt asks a variation of the riddle above:

Why do theoretical physicists get more respect than experimental physicists, even though both types of physics require the same intelligence, are equally well-paid, and are equally important?

Schmidt’s rather Marxist answer is that this is just a deeply ingrained copy of the power structures in our society.

The people at the top of any hierarchy just do the thinking, the abstract work, and the ordering about.

The people lower down in the hierarchy are tasked with the manual work of carrying out those orders from up high.

And that’s why any association with manual, practical work is likely to lead to less respect, less prestige, and perhaps, less Nobel Prize.

Do you think this might be relevant for copywriters, too?

It seems like a lot of copywriters believe it. They relish being being blissfully impractical.

“I just write the magic words, don’t ask me about anything else!”

But while this might work for physicists and Nobel Prize-winning biologists, I think it’s the wrong way to go in the field of direct response.

The deeper I get into this game, the more I learn that you should get your hands dirty.

This doesn’t mean you have to offer a one-stop shop where you do the copywriting and the design and the media buying too.

But if you can give clear and smart recommendations on design and media buying, your clients will appreciate it…

Your projects will be more likely to succeed…

And you will wind up with more money, more interesting future projects, and maybe even some respect and prestige. ​​And if you get all that, then who needs a Nobel prize, or a third of one anyways?

Headlines and hooks to topple the mighty Gulliver down to the ground

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I talked to a successful copywriter today and he taught me a valuable lesson about headlines and leads.

Maybe you won’t think it’s a tremendous insight…

But I bet if you look for this idea in the next five sales letters you come across, four will be missing it.

Anyways, let me illustrate it with a movie analogy.

Specifically, a scene from the 2010 masterpiece Gulliver’s Travels, starring Jack Black as the modern-day Gulliver.

Old Gul is shipwrecked in Lilliput. He wakes up tied up on the beach by many tiny ropes, put in place by the diminutive Lilliputians.

Gulliver starts to break loose and struggles to his feet.

But the Lilliputian army, which is surrounding him, won’t have any of it.

They start throwing some tiny Lilliputian hooks into Jack Black’s underwear, and they soon send him toppling back down the to the ground, ass first into a tiny Lilliputian soldier who’s about to die gloriously for his country.

Keep this powerful image in mind.

And then start thinking about headlines.

Your headline gets your prospect down to the ground, just like Gulliver at the start of the scene.

But soon, your prospect starts to get restless and wants to get up and break free.

And so your responsibility, according to the very successful copywriter I talked to today, is to toss in enough tiny little hooks to pull the reader back into his seat, and to keep him reading.

That’s how you bring the mighty Gulliver back down to the ground, where you can have easy access to his ear, so you can complete your presentation and close the sale.

And I heard a similar idea just now from one of Hollywood’s most successful producers, Brian Grazer.

He’s the guy who produced Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind and (closest to my own heart) Arrested Development.

Brian was asked how he figures out which ideas are good and which ones are not.

“You should be able to come up with a fascinating and new bit of information you can deliver in just 5 seconds,” Brian effectively said (I’m paraphrasing). “And then, just in case they’ve heard something like it before, you should have a fascinating followup to suck them in even more.”

I think this is a great illustration of perhaps the fundamental rule of successful copywriting practice. And that is:

Keep raising the stakes. Keep putting in more effort than everybody else is putting in. And eventually, you will start to see Brobdingnagian results.

Ben Settle’s monkey business

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I saw a photo today and the caption read “Anti-Poachers Protecting Gorillas.”

The photo showed a black dude taking a selfie.

Behind him was a guy dressed in a very convincing gorilla outfit, but standing in a very ungorilla-like pose.

Specifically, he was standing completely erect, with his arms straight by his sides, a big beer belly jutting out.

“How is this gonna work?” I wondered. “Will this guy pretend to be a gorilla so the poachers come and try to shoot him? And then what?”

I got curious so I researched this story in more depth.

SHOCKER!

Turns out I was completely wrong.

That’s not a man in a convincing gorilla suit.

Instead, it’s a real gorilla standing in a very human-like pose.

It seems these anti-poachers in the Congo raised a couple of orphaned gorillas. And now that the gorillas are grown up, they completely imitate (ape?) their human parents.

So they stand up straight, walk around on two feet, and even pose for selfies.

Which got me thinking about the instinct for mimicking those around us, whether human or ape.

It’s such a fundamental part of the thought machine we know as the brain.

Resistance is futile.

And if you need proof, take for example email marketing guru Ben Settle.

Over the course of the past year, Ben has on several occasions warned his readers to disregard social proof when making a buying decision online.

Noble advice. Except…

Even though Ben is like the good friar going about the shire and sermonizing about the dangers of alcohol, he’s also back at the monastery brewing up some delicious ale that he sells at the Sunday market.

Specifically, at the end of July, Ben ran an aggressive campaign to promote his Email Players newsletter (I know because I was tracking and categorizing every email he sent out that month).

And so from Thursday the 25th to Monday the 29th, he sent out 10 emails. Each day followed the same pattern.

Morning: an interesting or intriguing email leading into a link to the Email Players sales page…

Afternoon: an email that was basically just a testimonial for Email Players. 5 testimonials over 5 days. Because they are too powerful not to use.

So in case you want to promote an offer aggressively over the span of a few days, maybe try mimicking this little sequence of Ben’s. I imagine he’s using it because he’s tested it and it works.

And if you don’t need emails, but you do need some advertorials, then fear not. The anti-poaching brigade is preparing a special report on the topic, which you can sign up for here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Kit Kat-flavored blog posts

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News from Japan:

Nestle will soon introduce creative new packaging for Kit Kat bars sold in the Land of the Falling Birth Rate.

Starting later this month, Japanese Kit Kats will come wrapped in origami paper, and will contain instructions for how to make your own paper cranes, planes, or Hello Kitties.

Nestle says this move is a step towards reducing the company’s plastic consumption.

Maybe.

But it probably serves at least some other devious function or two.

Especially when you consider the history of Nestle in Japan.

For example, back in the 1970s, Nestle was having trouble introducing coffee into this nation of tea drinkers.

So they consulted Clotaire Rapaille, at that time a psychoanalyst dealing with autistic kids, and now one of the foremost brand and marketing consultants in the world.

The trouble, Rapaille told Nestle, is that the Japanese don’t have any emotional imprinting when it comes to coffee.

The cigar-smoking executives at Nestle listened carefully.

And they soon came out with coffee-flavored candy that they started feeding to hapless Japanese kids.

The kids of course loved the candy. They formed positive associations with the flavor of coffee.

In another 10-15 years, those kids grew up, and coffee drinking in Japan became a thing. (Of course, Nestle was there, ready to cash in.)

This illustrates a fundamental rule of how the human brain works:

If you’ve got something new, the best way to get it into the brain is by tying it in with something that’s already there.

That’s how you get classics of positioning such as:

“Avis is only No. 2 in rent a cars. So we try harder.”

“7 Up: The Uncola”

But as Nestle shows, you don’t have to position yourself in relation to your competitors.

You can also tie in your product to other concepts or experiences in the mind, even if these seem to have little direct connection to the product you’re selling.

And this isn’t just relevant for big brand advertising. Like I said, it’s a fundamental rule of how the human brain works, and it applies just as well to positioning a direct marketing offer, and even to writing direct response copy.

Once you start looking out for it, you’ll see it everywhere. Maybe even in this blog post.

And you can use this same fundamental rule of psychology in advertorials, too. Too see how, grab a Kit Kat and consult the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/