Copywriting

Europe’s most wanted women

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Europol, the European policing agency, which I believe employed Inspector Clouseau back in the 1970s, has just put out a provocative misinformation campaign.

It’s called “Crime Has No Gender,” and it shows 21 wanted criminals.

Their crimes include drug and weapons trafficking (Croatia), organized crime (Romania), murder (Belgium), and fraud (Sweden).

Of these 21 listed criminals, 18 are women. The conclusion being that women can be just as successful in the criminal arts as men.

Lies, I say.

Because even a cursory search of the statistics will show you that men commit serious crimes at a much peppier clip than women do.

So what exactly is the point of the Europol campaign?

Well, aside from the inspirational but false message that women can do anything they put their minds to, maybe Europol is just trying to warn European citizens that, yes, if you do see a woman grabbing a kid at a playground and dragging that kid into an unmarked van, then she might indeed be a kidnapper. Because women can be kidnappers, too.

This actually isn’t such a dumb idea.

Because the brain has a feature, or maybe a bug, called the “availability bias.”

We tend to judge probabilities by the ease with which we can think of relevant examples.

“A woman kidnapper? Gee, I haven’t seen too many movies like that. But a male kidnapper, now I’ve seen lotsa movies like that.”

And if you’re wondering what this has to do with copy, then the answer is…

Everything. Really everything. Let me say it one more time — everything.

Because if you want to make the availability bias work in your favor, just keep repeating your main claims over and over throughout your copy.

And then repeat them again.

Even though you might think it’s transparent… or tiring… or even dumb.

Repeat your claims two dozen times in half as many pages.

Because if you write the rest of your copy well, your reader won’t notice. But he (or she!) will finally remember and understand what it is you’re trying to say — and he (or she!) might even believe you by the time you dare ask for the sale.

Speaking of which, I’ve got an offer for you. I won’t make any claims about it — because it’s too late now, you wouldn’t believe me since I haven’t repeated them a dozen times. But if you want to check out my offer, then take a peek here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Can you identify these 3 movies?

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Here’s a bit of a riddle for ya, or actually 3.

I read one time that the only way to get a movie made in Hollywood is by twisting an already existing idea or by mashing up two already successful movies.

So can you identify which movies I have in mind with just these short descriptions:

1. “Dances with Wolves” on an alien planet
2. “Purple Rain” in Detroit
3. “The Lord of the Rings” with Spartans

(If you think you have the answers, write in and let me know. Include your address, and for each movie you’ve guessed right, I’ll send you a Kit Kat through the mail.)

You might think that this movie-making approach just shows how Hollywood caters to the lowest common denominator.

And who knows, maybe you’re right.

As right as saying that direct response copywriting caters to the lowest common denominator. Or at least to the easiest path into the mind.

Because both Hollywood producers and direct response copywriters have figured out that this simple method — take two familiar themes, mash them together — is the easiest way to get a new idea into an old head.

So for example, I’ve noticed a ton of email subject lines recently that take the same format, particularly in the health space:

* Drano for your arteries
* A powerwash for your insides
* Armor for your breasts (the winner, in my opinion)

What’s the point of all this?

Well, the next time you have to describe something in copy, stop yourself and think. Do you really need a long, technical explanation? Or wouldn’t it be better to just say something like…

“It’s just like Home Alone. But starring cats and dogs.”

And remember, free Kit Kats. If you send me your answers and you guess the movies above correctly. ​

The “dead sparrow” tactic for easier copywriting

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A few weeks ago, just when the weather had turned colder, I caused an apparent animal death.

It all happened because I had closed my balcony doors. Really just two enormous panes of glass. And since I have a cleaning woman who comes by every couple of weeks, pretty clean, too.

Anyways, a few minutes after I closed these doors, a sparrow flew right into the glass.

The glass was fine. The sparrow was not.

It immediately fell to the balcony, twitched a few twitches, and then gave no more signs of life.

“Ah fuck,” I said to myself.

I hate dead animals.

My small amount of pity for the sparrow was overwhelmed by my immense repulsion at the thought of having to clean it off my balcony.

So instead of dealing with the situation, I sat back down and got back to work.

“Should I just shovel it off the balcony?” I kept thinking. “Or scoop it up and take it out to the trash?”

Eventually my phone’s timer rang. My work period was over.

So I get up to look at the hated sparrow corpse. And right at that moment, the sparrow popped back to life, shook its head a bit, and flew away.

I was immensely relieved. Almost as relieved as I am each time I have to write something, and rather than having to struggle and work at it, the words just pour out on their own. Here’s what I mean:
​
Usually when I have a writing task, I’ll do my research, think about ideas, and take a stab or two at the actual writing.

Sometimes it works. Other times, the task refuses to yield to my weak attacks.

No matter.

I’ve learned to simply switch focus to something else. And there’s always plenty of other work waiting for me.

Then, after some time has passed, I’ll come back to that initial, stubborn, even daunting writing problem.

It often does like the sparrow:

It shakes its head a bit and flies off. No problems any more. The words just seem to come on their own, and the once-difficult task solves itself in just a few minutes.

Of course, you can’t always take this approach, not if there’s an immediate deadline looming.

But if you have the luxury of a bit of extra time, then maybe try this “dead sparrow” tactic. Ignore the problem at hand for a while. And then come back and watch it vanish, without even leaving a stain on your balcony.

John Bejakovic

On a rainy October evening, back in 2017…

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On a rainy October evening, back in 2017, a poor copywriter huddled in his small and drafty garret in Baltimore, MD.

“How will I ever get better at this?” he kept asking himself.

He got up and paced around the tiny room.

But it was cold, so he came back to his creaky wooden desk, where a solitary candle provided a little light and even less heat.

Suddenly, the copywriter tensed up.

His brow furrowed up and his eyes started to sparkle.

With a whoosh, he pulled out a thick stack of printed papers from a drawer, and got out a cheap Bic pen.

He sat down at his desk and started reading frantically.

“Magic bullet,” he said to himself, and circled a line of text halfway down the top page.

He kept reading.

“Making the chef eat his own pudding,” he said and circled another line.

And so he kept going, deep into the night.

He’d read a bit…

Mumble a strange phrase…

And then circle a line or two of text.

The copywriter in question was Kyle Milligan.

And though I made up the above scene, the gist of it is true.
​
Kyle was in fact a green newbie just a few years ago, with very little understanding of what copywriting really is.

In spite of his lack of experience, he managed to somehow land a job at Agora Financial, one of the most competitive copywriting shops in the world.

And within a short while, he became one of the biggest stars at Agora. In fact, last year alone, his copy was responsible for bringing in $7.1 million in sales and over 51,000 new customers.

How did Kyle do it?

Well, according to an interview I listened to today, one big part of his success was a simple two-step process:

1) He read a lot of successful sales copy

2) He labeled the things he kept coming across over and over

In fact, Kyle even has a YouTube channel where he dissects successful promotions in this way for all the world to see.

If you’re a copywriter, it’s definitely worth checking out.

And it’s also worth keeping in mind how a simple process of self-improvement, applied day in and day out, is really all it takes to produce massive results over the course of a few years.

Anyways, if you wanna follow Kyle directly, you can get started at his site. Here’s the link:

https://kylethewriter.com/

Chlamydia-ridden cuties

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I saw a video just now of a baby koala that somehow mounted a small dog, thinking the dog is its mother.

The dog keeps turning around in confusion, trying to get this thing off its back.

But the baby koala (aka joey) holds on for dear life and stays put, regardless of how much the dog spins and frets.

Such a cute video.

In fact, koalas as such adorable animals.

​​Or are they?

Because while reading the comments of the koala video, I came across an apparent koala expert, reddit user u/jonthecloser, who shared some shocking facts. Such as for example:

1. Koalas have one of the smallest brain-to-body ratios of all mammals, and they are immensely dumb as a result (they will literally starve to death even when surrounded by food)

2. When a koala joey transitions from eating milk to eucalyptus leaves, it has to first nuzzle its mother’s anus to retrieve the appropriate gut flora

3. In some areas, over 80% of koalas are infected with chlamydia, which makes them incontinent

4. Male koalas often engage in rape, that is, non-procreative sex with unwilling females

The koala expert wraps it up by saying, “Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.”

Whaddya know. You learn something new and dispiriting every day. And that brings me to my point:

If you are writing daily emails to your prospects or clients, you don’t need to have something monumental to say.

In fact, it’s better to say something slightly surprising or new about a familiar thing.

E​​ven if it’s not immediately related to what you’re selling.

Think koalas and email copywriting.

Speaking of which, if you need some help writing shocking, amusing, and sales-generating emails, then I have just the right cute offer for you. Go here to check it out:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

The counterintuitive secret of effective positioning

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Today, I ate a handful of jujubes.

These are little fruits, kind of like dates. I grabbed some from a bowl and as I went to wash them, one jujube fell, hit my foot, and rolled off under the counter.

“No matter,” I said to myself, “I’ll get it in a second.”

A second later, I looked under the counter. The jujube wasn’t there.

I kept looking. Nothing.

I reached under the counter to see if it was there but I couldn’t see it. Nothing.

I changed positions to see if I could see it better from a different perspective. Nothing.

Maybe you know this maddening.

W​​hen you think you know where to look for something, but it’s not there.

Maybe it’s your keys, which should be at the bottom of a bag… except they’re not.

Or somebody’s name, which almost certainly starts with the letter “A”… except no “A” names sound right.

Or maybe it’s even a marketing situation.

Such as, for example, deciding on how to position a product, a brand, or even a person.

Many business owners think they know where to look for such positioning intel.

After all, it seems very intuitive that the positioning for their products must be hidden somewhere in the product itself.

Similarly, the positioning for their personal business must be lying somewhere inside their own person.

So they keep looking and looking…

And even though they are sure they are looking in the right place, they never find the positioning answer they’ve been searching for.

Why is that?

Simple. Because the positioning they are searching for won’t be found inside their product, or even inside themselves.

Instead, it’s found in a rather counter-intuitive place.

Maybe you know what I have in mind.

And if you want my help in searching in this counter-intuitive place, and helping you come up with a winning positioning strategy for your business, brand, or even person, then simply write me an email and we can talk.

The George Costanza sales close

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There’s an episode of Seinfeld in which George and his new girlfriend are walking on the beach — and George gets caught in a lie.

The whole time he’s been with the girlfriend, he’s been telling her he’s a marine biologist.

“Then of course with evolution the octopus lost the nostrils,” he says modestly as the girlfriend hangs onto his every word.

Suddenly, the two lovebirds come on a group of people on the beach who are all pointing to something out there among the waves.

It’s a beached whale, who seems to be struggling and maybe even dying.

“Save the whale, George,” says the girlfriend, “for me.”

And so rather than get caught in his lie, what does George do?

He throws off his baseball cap, rolls up his pants, and wades out there among the crashing waves to face the great beast like a true marine biologist.

Because George knows talk is cheap.

All the stories in the world won’t build a bullet-proof sales argument.

Not like one solid demonstration can build.

And that’s why Claude Hopkins, who has been called the father of direct advertising, once wrote:

“The way to sell goods is to sample and demonstrate, and the more attractive you can make your demonstration the better it will be.”

So if you’re looking to close a sale, think of ways your prospects can try out a sample or a demonstration of what you offer.

And if you can’t get them to sample your product directly, then at least make sure they witness a second-hand demonstration, just like George’s girlfriend witnesses him climbing out into the splashing waves to rescue the great fish. Mammal. Whatever.

Beware the trap of the digital bazaar

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I’m in Istanbul, Turkey this week. And though it’s my third time in this city, there are some things I didn’t notice before.

Such as how similar businesses here seem to live in packs.

Maybe it all started at the Grand Bazaar. The spice sellers stick to themselves. The leather shops do too. But the same thing happens throughout the city as well.

So for example, there is a large metal bridge right in the center of Istanbul

On the top level of this bridge is where the cars go.

One level down, there are a bunch of restaurants selling fish, mostly fried, mostly just stuck in a hunk of bread.

There are about a dozen of these fish restaurants in a row, and they are all identical.

Including the fact that in front of each restaurant, there is a tired-looking man with sunken, hungry eyes who is in charge of roping in passersby to sit down at his restaurant specifically.

“Come inside. We have fish. We have the best fish.”

Now these guys are obviously making a living out of it, because these restaurants have been here for decades or even longer.

But it looks like bloody work.

And it seems like it would be much better and more lucrative for them to differentiate themselves in some way, whether by picking a different location, or by offering a different menu, or even by telling a different story than the guy next door.

And that’s true for any other kind of business as well.

You might think that your core offer is no different than that of a dozen other businesses.

And you can decide to live with that… To compete simply by working harder… And to accept that eventually, some customer will sit down inside your den instead of the identical one next door.

By why not make your job a little easier by differentiating yourself from all the other people inside the digital bazaar?

One easy way to do that is simply through your personality, and through the relationship you have with your clients, customers, or restaurant patrons. All you have to do is to reach out to them regularly, with a unique point of view, and that relationship will start to develop, and eventually, it will bear fruit as well.

Just something to keep in mind. And of course, if you want some help with that, then this can get you started:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/

Ape outperforms Trump?

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There was a gorilla video that went viral a few days ago.

It shows (wait for it…) a gorilla, sitting on its haunches, on a lawn in a zoo.

Then somebody offers to throw the gorilla some food.

To which the gorilla, by using a combination of sign language, nipple pinches, and chest pounding, effectively says,

“No thank you, we zoo gorillas are fed well by our keepers and don’t accept food from visitors.”

Smart ape.

And that’s why the internet went all warm and bubbly, saying things like,

“This gorilla has more impulse control than I do,”

and

“This gorilla has more impulse control than our president.”

But here’s the thing.

This viral video didn’t tell the whole story.

In the full version of the video, the visitor waits a few seconds and then throws the food to the gorilla after all.

The gorilla turns around to see if the keepers are looking, and seeing there’s nobody there, he sneakily eats the food, while staring directly at the visitor as if to say, “This stays between you and me, man.”

I bring this up for two reasons.

First, I want to bring gorillas down from their holier-than-thou pedestal. They lie and cheat when given the opportunity, just like other apes, including you and me.

The other reason is to point out the power of the story-within-the-story.

There are lots of professional tricks to telling a story in an engaging way.

But the easiest, and possibly most effective, is simply to crop your stories to make them more dramatic, impactful, and interesting.

That’s what happened in this case.

A gorilla that eats food thrown at it doesn’t make for much of a story.

But a gorilla with more self-discipline than your average human makes for good news.

So if you sense there’s a good story hiding in an anecdote you witnessed or in something you read, first ask yourself, “How could I cut this down for maximum effect?”

Because most of the details of the real event don’t need to be included — and can even weaken your case.

Anyways, if you need help writing stories, specifically for the purpose of making sales to your existing or potential customers, then you can find some ape-sized advice in the following little offer:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Big Bottom Sunday

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“I saw her on Sunday, ’twas my lucky bun day, you know what I mean.”
— Spinal Tap, Big Bottom

I used to struggle writing daily emails until I made a small change.

It took me all of 5 minutes to set up, but it’s saved me hours and hours of frustration…

It’s made writing daily emails easier and more fun…

And it has created better results, by forcing me to ferret open some creative drawers I didn’t know I had.

So what was the change?

Simple. I made a “calendar.”

At the start of each month, I set up a planned-out structure for the type of email I will write each day.

It turns out creativity is easier with boundaries.

And it’s a lot easier with a lot of boundaries.

So for example, yesterday was a “On today’s date…” email. Instead of sitting and staring at an empty screen while waiting for inspiration, I went online, did 2 minutes of research, and found out it was the 50th anniversary of the first episode of Monty Python. The email wrote itself after that.

Same thing today. Today’s email structure is… well, I bet you can figure it out. Though I did have to tweak it to make it fit.

Anyways, if you’re struggling with topics for daily emails, then maybe a “calendar” of restrictions could help you, too. And if you want more advice to help you stimulate copywriting creativity, check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/