Copywriting

Marketing devil-inspired price negotiation tactics

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A girl I met this summer wrote me yesterday to ask for advice on pricing a copywriting project:

“Wassup busy bee? 🙂 i need professional advice. How much should i ask to write anarchist articles for commercial purposes (meaning to sell t-shirts) :))? Is 100 dollars per 500+ words too much or fair? How much would u ask for?”

Anarchist articles?

To sell t-shirts?

At $100 for 500 words?

That’s not the pond that I play in.

Because I made a deal with the marketing devil a long time ago.

Yes, I sold my soul to him. In exchange, I get a series of ever-higher-paying contracts, working on ever-more interesting projects.

So the particular rates I would charge at this moment are really no use to this girl, or to you in case you’re wondering what you should be charging for your work.

But I told her something that the marketing devil taught me. And you might find it useful as well.

It’s a super simple price negotiation tactic. It works 100% of the time to get you an outcome you can be happy with. And it goes like this:

1. Ask yourself, “How much would it take to honestly make this worthwhile for me?”
2. Make your potential client this offer.
3. If it works for them, great. If not, or if they try to haggle with you, tell them, “Thanks, but it’s not right for me.”

But maybe I hear you complaining, “This isn’t negotiation at all!”

And it’s certainly not the kind of nickel-and-diming, car-lot tactics you can read about in hundreds of Medium listicles. But like legendary copywriter and entrepreneur Mark Ford wrote recently:

“The difference depends on understanding that in business there are two fundamentally different kinds of negotiation: transactional and relational.”

In other words, if you use my simple devil-inspired price negotiation tactic, and you end up doing business with this client, you’re on good footing to form a long-term relationship that both sides are happy with.

And if you don’t end up doing business with them, for whatever reason (they can’t afford you, or they don’t value you enough, or they are simply lowballing jackasses), then you don’t really have a negotiation problem.

You have a lead generation problem. Which is another topic, for another day. For today, let me just say I solved my lead generation problem in the beginning by going where everybody says you shouldn’t go.

And that’s Upwork.

In case you want to see how I made very good money by dealing with quality clients that I actually landed on Upwork, then check out the following:

https://bejakovic.com/150-dollar-per-hour-freelancer

The delusional Madame Copywriter

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I was at the opera tonight to watch a rather racy piece called Madame Butterfly.

It’s set in early-20th-century Japan, and it’s about an American navy officer who marries a Japanese child bride, gets her pregnant, and then leaves her with the promise to come back soon.

Three years pass, and the situation is getting desperate.

The guy still hasn’t come back. The kid is growing up. And money is running out.

Madame Butterfly (the Japanese child bride) gets into an emotional fever.

She’s sure her American husband is coming back imminently.

Butterfly’s maid is there on the side, her head in her hands, knowing the guy is probably never coming back, and trying to caution some reason into her mistress.

Because it’s hard to see the world as it is once you get into an emotional fever.

It could be because of love. Or it could simply be because of other kinds of investment, such as of time, effort, or skill.

For example, I think that’s one of the main reasons for businesses to hire an outside marketing consultant or copywriter.

A hired marketing gun can come into a business, and evaluate both the marketing assets and liabilities, without the emotional baggage that the people inside the business carry.

And actually, that’s why I’ve always doubted the hackneyed argument that copywriters should be able to sell their own services. It usually goes like this:

“If a copywriter can’t sell his own services, how can he expect to sell other people’s stuff?”

Well, because he won’t be the delusional Madame Copywriter in that case. He’ll have an impartial third-person view, rather than a hysterical first-person view.

Anyways, I wouldn’t say that I’m brilliant at selling my own copywriting services. But I’m trying to make do, writing a little self-promotional post every day, while waiting for my long-lost love to pull back into harbor on his American warship.

But don’t let that fool you.

Because even though I might not be brilliant at selling myself, I am brilliant at selling other people’s stuff. Well, at least I’m very good at it. And if you want to see some lessons I’ve learned about promoting various ecommerce products through hardcore advertorials, take a look here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Get yer own Falkor

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One of my favorite books as a kid, and even now, is The Neverending Story.

If you’ve seen the Hollywood movie that was made from the book, you might know there’s a boy in there named Atreyu.

Atreyu lives in the great land of Fantastica, and he has to go on a quest all around the borders of this immense kingdom.

How’s a little boy gonna be able to cover these vast distances?

No problem. Atreyu hitches a ride on the back of Falkor, a benevolent, furry, white “luckdragon” who happens to fly at great speeds.

Now I think this is a good image to keep in mind in your own life as well.

Because as much as I like The Neverending Story, these days I like another book even better.

It’s called Positioning, and it’s written by Al Ries and Jack Trout.

Positioning is all about how to market products, and how to find a mental slot for them in your customer’s mind.

But one part of the book also talks about positioning yourself, and achieving personal success. And it’s here that Ries and Trout make a throwaway comment that I found very meaningful:

“The truth is the road to fame and fortune is rarely found within yourself. The only sure way to success is to find yourself a horse to ride. It may be difficult for the ego to accept, but success in life is based more on what others can do for you than on what you can do for yourself.”

Like I said, I found this very significant.

Maybe because my tendency is to try to always do everything by myself. It’s very natural to me. But it’s also very slow and ineffective.

So if you too have similar tendencies, then maybe you’ll get some value out of the Ries and Trout quote above.

And maybe you’ll consider finding yourself a horse to ride. Or even your own Falkor.

An alternative to royalties

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A few days ago, I got an email from a potential new client.

He’s a fitness trainer with 1) an impressively muscular body, 2) a couple of brick-and-mortar gyms somewhere in the UK, and 3) a pretty healthy online following, totaling around 50k people across various platforms.

Good stuff. But not nearly as impressive as one specific bit of this guy’s background:

He has consulted several A-list Hollywood stars, and helped them get in big-screen shape for superhero and action movies.

Hmmm…

Anyways, this fitness trainer has an online sales funnel he wants to improve. It runs like this:

Facebook ads -> free lead magnet -> thank you page with $17 ebook offer.

The trouble is, the thank you page isn’t really pulling its weight.

It only gets a 1% conversion rate.

And when I took a look at it, I could see a few reasons why.

So I gave the guy some simple suggestions — do better “above the fold,” highlight the sexy Hollywood stuff instead of burying it, rename the actual offer, etc.

The fitness trainer liked the ideas. And he wanted to know…

How much would I charge to write this up?

Well, I’ve lately been moving away from flat-fee deals.

For copywriting, that usually means asking for a royalty — a percentage of the revenues generated by the copy.

But in this case, I had a feeling the guy wouldn’t be open to a royalty structure. Maybe I had good reasons… or maybe I just chickened out. But the upshot was I made him two offers:

1. A flat fee of $x, which would make it worthwhile for me to work on this project

2. A flat fee (50% of $x) plus a bonus (another 50% of $x) for each 1% bump in conversions I could provide

Option 1 is safer for me and less attractive for the client. The client would rather have Option 2 (so he told me), particularly since the bonus he would be paying me would be “free.” It would be less than the increase in revenues he gets each day he runs traffic to this funnel.

On the other hand, this Option 2 is more risky for me. If I fail to produce, I get paid less.

But the upside is also greater — if I manage to get more than 1% increase in conversions (and I think I can), then I also get paid more in total.

So if you’re a copywriter, this payment structure might be something to keep in mind.

And if you’re a business owner, and you’ve got a great product, Hollywood-level social proof, and terrible marketing, then write me an email. Because I’ve got an offer I’d like to make to you.

A quick disgusting story

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I had something disgusting happen to me yesterday.

I was having breakfast, my usual fare of testosterone yogurt, steel-cut oatmeal, and a few frozen raspberries and blackcurrants.

So I sat down in my usual breakfast armchair and took hold of the oatmeal bowl. On the underside of the bowl, though, I felt something dry and hard.

“EW!!!”

It turned out to be a dead, flattened, and desiccated insect of some sort, perhaps a cockroach. I instinctively shook it off my hand and stared after it in disgust.

How the hell did it get under my yogurt bowl? And where did it come from in the first place?

I zoomed in over the cockroach corpse. And as my eyes adjusted, so did my brain. It wasn’t really a dead insect. Instead, it was just the dried calyx from a cherry tomato that I had eaten last night. But in that split second, my overactive and anxious brain had convincingly transformed it into something much grosser, more frightening, and more unpleasant.

I don’t have a particular point in telling you this story except to illustrate one thing:

You’ll often hear that good copy is based around a story. And you’ll see many people take this advice to heart.

“I had some yogurt this morning,” they will start. “Yogurt is my favorite breakfast food and this morning was no different. The end.”

(I’m exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.)

Yes, that’s a story, but it’s not very good. And it doesn’t really have a place in sales copy. Because sales copy requires stories that are dramatic, or that evoke strong emotions – fear, surprise, or even disgust.

So keep that in mind in case you’re writing some copy of your own. And in case you want help writing dramatic stories, you can find more of my disgusting advice here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Europe’s most wanted women

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Europol, the European policing agency, which I believe employed Inspector Clouseau back in the 1970s, has just put out a provocative misinformation campaign.

It’s called “Crime Has No Gender,” and it shows 21 wanted criminals.

Their crimes include drug and weapons trafficking (Croatia), organized crime (Romania), murder (Belgium), and fraud (Sweden).

Of these 21 listed criminals, 18 are women. The conclusion being that women can be just as successful in the criminal arts as men.

Lies, I say.

Because even a cursory search of the statistics will show you that men commit serious crimes at a much peppier clip than women do.

So what exactly is the point of the Europol campaign?

Well, aside from the inspirational but false message that women can do anything they put their minds to, maybe Europol is just trying to warn European citizens that, yes, if you do see a woman grabbing a kid at a playground and dragging that kid into an unmarked van, then she might indeed be a kidnapper. Because women can be kidnappers, too.

This actually isn’t such a dumb idea.

Because the brain has a feature, or maybe a bug, called the “availability bias.”

We tend to judge probabilities by the ease with which we can think of relevant examples.

“A woman kidnapper? Gee, I haven’t seen too many movies like that. But a male kidnapper, now I’ve seen lotsa movies like that.”

And if you’re wondering what this has to do with copy, then the answer is…

Everything. Really everything. Let me say it one more time — everything.

Because if you want to make the availability bias work in your favor, just keep repeating your main claims over and over throughout your copy.

And then repeat them again.

Even though you might think it’s transparent… or tiring… or even dumb.

Repeat your claims two dozen times in half as many pages.

Because if you write the rest of your copy well, your reader won’t notice. But he (or she!) will finally remember and understand what it is you’re trying to say — and he (or she!) might even believe you by the time you dare ask for the sale.

Speaking of which, I’ve got an offer for you. I won’t make any claims about it — because it’s too late now, you wouldn’t believe me since I haven’t repeated them a dozen times. But if you want to check out my offer, then take a peek here:

https://bejakovic.com/advertorials/

Can you identify these 3 movies?

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Here’s a bit of a riddle for ya, or actually 3.

I read one time that the only way to get a movie made in Hollywood is by twisting an already existing idea or by mashing up two already successful movies.

So can you identify which movies I have in mind with just these short descriptions:

1. “Dances with Wolves” on an alien planet
2. “Purple Rain” in Detroit
3. “The Lord of the Rings” with Spartans

(If you think you have the answers, write in and let me know. Include your address, and for each movie you’ve guessed right, I’ll send you a Kit Kat through the mail.)

You might think that this movie-making approach just shows how Hollywood caters to the lowest common denominator.

And who knows, maybe you’re right.

As right as saying that direct response copywriting caters to the lowest common denominator. Or at least to the easiest path into the mind.

Because both Hollywood producers and direct response copywriters have figured out that this simple method — take two familiar themes, mash them together — is the easiest way to get a new idea into an old head.

So for example, I’ve noticed a ton of email subject lines recently that take the same format, particularly in the health space:

* Drano for your arteries
* A powerwash for your insides
* Armor for your breasts (the winner, in my opinion)

What’s the point of all this?

Well, the next time you have to describe something in copy, stop yourself and think. Do you really need a long, technical explanation? Or wouldn’t it be better to just say something like…

“It’s just like Home Alone. But starring cats and dogs.”

And remember, free Kit Kats. If you send me your answers and you guess the movies above correctly. ​

The “dead sparrow” tactic for easier copywriting

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A few weeks ago, just when the weather had turned colder, I caused an apparent animal death.

It all happened because I had closed my balcony doors. Really just two enormous panes of glass. And since I have a cleaning woman who comes by every couple of weeks, pretty clean, too.

Anyways, a few minutes after I closed these doors, a sparrow flew right into the glass.

The glass was fine. The sparrow was not.

It immediately fell to the balcony, twitched a few twitches, and then gave no more signs of life.

“Ah fuck,” I said to myself.

I hate dead animals.

My small amount of pity for the sparrow was overwhelmed by my immense repulsion at the thought of having to clean it off my balcony.

So instead of dealing with the situation, I sat back down and got back to work.

“Should I just shovel it off the balcony?” I kept thinking. “Or scoop it up and take it out to the trash?”

Eventually my phone’s timer rang. My work period was over.

So I get up to look at the hated sparrow corpse. And right at that moment, the sparrow popped back to life, shook its head a bit, and flew away.

I was immensely relieved. Almost as relieved as I am each time I have to write something, and rather than having to struggle and work at it, the words just pour out on their own. Here’s what I mean:
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Usually when I have a writing task, I’ll do my research, think about ideas, and take a stab or two at the actual writing.

Sometimes it works. Other times, the task refuses to yield to my weak attacks.

No matter.

I’ve learned to simply switch focus to something else. And there’s always plenty of other work waiting for me.

Then, after some time has passed, I’ll come back to that initial, stubborn, even daunting writing problem.

It often does like the sparrow:

It shakes its head a bit and flies off. No problems any more. The words just seem to come on their own, and the once-difficult task solves itself in just a few minutes.

Of course, you can’t always take this approach, not if there’s an immediate deadline looming.

But if you have the luxury of a bit of extra time, then maybe try this “dead sparrow” tactic. Ignore the problem at hand for a while. And then come back and watch it vanish, without even leaving a stain on your balcony.

John Bejakovic

On a rainy October evening, back in 2017…

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On a rainy October evening, back in 2017, a poor copywriter huddled in his small and drafty garret in Baltimore, MD.

“How will I ever get better at this?” he kept asking himself.

He got up and paced around the tiny room.

But it was cold, so he came back to his creaky wooden desk, where a solitary candle provided a little light and even less heat.

Suddenly, the copywriter tensed up.

His brow furrowed up and his eyes started to sparkle.

With a whoosh, he pulled out a thick stack of printed papers from a drawer, and got out a cheap Bic pen.

He sat down at his desk and started reading frantically.

“Magic bullet,” he said to himself, and circled a line of text halfway down the top page.

He kept reading.

“Making the chef eat his own pudding,” he said and circled another line.

And so he kept going, deep into the night.

He’d read a bit…

Mumble a strange phrase…

And then circle a line or two of text.

The copywriter in question was Kyle Milligan.

And though I made up the above scene, the gist of it is true.
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Kyle was in fact a green newbie just a few years ago, with very little understanding of what copywriting really is.

In spite of his lack of experience, he managed to somehow land a job at Agora Financial, one of the most competitive copywriting shops in the world.

And within a short while, he became one of the biggest stars at Agora. In fact, last year alone, his copy was responsible for bringing in $7.1 million in sales and over 51,000 new customers.

How did Kyle do it?

Well, according to an interview I listened to today, one big part of his success was a simple two-step process:

1) He read a lot of successful sales copy

2) He labeled the things he kept coming across over and over

In fact, Kyle even has a YouTube channel where he dissects successful promotions in this way for all the world to see.

If you’re a copywriter, it’s definitely worth checking out.

And it’s also worth keeping in mind how a simple process of self-improvement, applied day in and day out, is really all it takes to produce massive results over the course of a few years.

Anyways, if you wanna follow Kyle directly, you can get started at his site. Here’s the link:

https://kylethewriter.com/

Chlamydia-ridden cuties

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I saw a video just now of a baby koala that somehow mounted a small dog, thinking the dog is its mother.

The dog keeps turning around in confusion, trying to get this thing off its back.

But the baby koala (aka joey) holds on for dear life and stays put, regardless of how much the dog spins and frets.

Such a cute video.

In fact, koalas as such adorable animals.

​​Or are they?

Because while reading the comments of the koala video, I came across an apparent koala expert, reddit user u/jonthecloser, who shared some shocking facts. Such as for example:

1. Koalas have one of the smallest brain-to-body ratios of all mammals, and they are immensely dumb as a result (they will literally starve to death even when surrounded by food)

2. When a koala joey transitions from eating milk to eucalyptus leaves, it has to first nuzzle its mother’s anus to retrieve the appropriate gut flora

3. In some areas, over 80% of koalas are infected with chlamydia, which makes them incontinent

4. Male koalas often engage in rape, that is, non-procreative sex with unwilling females

The koala expert wraps it up by saying, “Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.”

Whaddya know. You learn something new and dispiriting every day. And that brings me to my point:

If you are writing daily emails to your prospects or clients, you don’t need to have something monumental to say.

In fact, it’s better to say something slightly surprising or new about a familiar thing.

E​​ven if it’s not immediately related to what you’re selling.

Think koalas and email copywriting.

Speaking of which, if you need some help writing shocking, amusing, and sales-generating emails, then I have just the right cute offer for you. Go here to check it out:

https://bejakovic.com/profitable-health-emails/