Copywriting

Simplicity itself: Bugs Bunny and copywriting

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I watched a video just now with Looney Toons director Chuck Jones demonstrating how to draw Bugs Bunny.

“Start with a pear-shaped body,” says Jones. “A circle for the head… a little nose…”

So far so good. I’m following along as Jones draws 2 bubbles on the page and one dark triangle for the nose.

“Then you extend the angle of the nose in a V above the head. That shows you where to put the ears.”

Hold on, how do I draw the ears like that?

“… the eyes go on those same lines as the ears… depending on what our budget is, we can use 2 or 3 whiskers.”

At this point, just about 4-5 seconds after drawing those initial two bubbles, Jones has drawn a cheeky, perfect, live Bugs Bunny. But I have no idea how he did it. So he explains:

“If you’re gonna draw Bugs, the best way is to learn how to draw a carrot. Then you can hook a rabbit onto it. Simplicity itself.”

Fact is, just because somebody is an amazing practitioner, like Chuck Jones, that doesn’t mean they can explain their method well. And even if they can explain their method well, maybe they just don’t want to, not to every Joe Schmoe off the street. The same happens in every field, including marketing and copywriting circles.

Maybe you’re following some expert’s paint-by-numbers, plug-and-play approach to writing sales copy. But if you’re not getting the results you want… if you’re not making sales you expected to make… if you’re not impressing clients…

Then it’s probably not your fault. There’s just a gap in the education. Maybe the expert can’t explain their method well… or maybe they are saving it all up for a higher-priced product.

The long-term answer is to keep searching for other experts to learn from. In the meantime, if you are looking to get better at writing sales copy, here are a few things that are guaranteed to sharpen your chops:

1) Write something every day — even if it’s a short email like this

2) Read some good ads

3) Read one of the proven books about direct response advertising. Most of the secrets in this business were discovered 50 or 60 years ago, and you can get access to almost all this wisdom for a few dollars on Amazon.

I can’t help you with 1). But if you want some pointers for where to track down good ads for 2) or if you want my suggestions for books in 3) write me an email and I will share my recommendations.

2020 Prediction: FB ads will get scammier

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This summer, I wrote a unique piece of sales copy for a client.

​​It was a video ad, telling a story over 3 or 4 minutes, using stock footage and text overlays. The goal was to have this run on Facebook and then link to an advertorial and then an order page.

The product in question was “eco-friendly bags” — basically, reusable produce bags to replace the ones you get at the store. People are crazy about the dangers of plastics these days, so I wrote up an inspirational story about how one brilliant inventor saw the need to help the planet and presto, eco-friendly bags.

Anyways, about a week ago, I remembered this project. And I followed up with the client to see how the video ad performed.

​​Here’s what he wrote back:

“We unfortunately ran into some issues with that product – Facebook now flags and doesn’t allow ads that address political or social issues. Since the ad talked about pollution / the environment it was, unfortunately, flagged.”

Wow. It didn’t even occur to me that talking about pollution or dead seagulls could be a compliance issue. Sure, I heard from many different sides that FB is cracking down on ads. This summer seemed to be the high point. Anything that looks ugly, scary, or is too full of hype couldn’t run. But I guess “social issue” ads became a problem also.

That’s rough. Things are getting really strict out there…

​Or are they?

Because let me tell you a second FB ads story:

A few days ago, I saw an ad, written in English (I live in Croatia), featuring some Croatian celebrity, with a classic clickbait headline along the lines of, “He went on TV to reveal how anyone can make 54,319.44 Croatian Kuna in just minutes — and it’s got the National Bank terrified!” The actual advertorial page promoted some Bitcoin trading platform.

Several other versions of this ad, run by other FB pages, also appeared on my feed that same day, and for several days after. There were dozens of comments on each ad. Some were by people simply talking about the Croatian celebrity (“what does this moron know about making money”) while a few pointed out this is clearly a scam.

And here’s the staggering thing:

​​All of these ads had been running for several weeks. It got so bad that the Croatian celebrity gave a newspaper interview to explain he has nothing to do with this Bitcoin scam. Nonetheless, the ad continues to run, in various iterations, right there on Facebook.
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I think this is a sign of things to come.

Over the past couple of years, Facebook has made a show at regulating ads. And it will probably continue to censor ads that push certain hot buttons or that target certain markets.

​​But the moment has passed. Nobody expects any integrity or accountability from Facebook any more. And at the same time, scammers as well as more legitimate businesses figured out how to run edgy FB ads, or downright duplicitous FB ads.

As this year wraps up and we enter the glorious 2020’s decade, I expect this will continue and intensify. And if I’m right, this means we’re all in for a wild show.

Murder on the sales page

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I started reading Murder at the Vicarage a few days ago. It’s written by Agatha Christie, the first of 18 Miss Marple books.

The story starts out with the middle-aged vicar and his much younger, chatterbox wife. They’re having a discussion at breakfast. Then some guests arrive. There’s more talking. There’s a quick location change to the den, and other characters come in. More talking, some gossiping.

This goes on. There’s characters, light dialogue, then more characters. 20 pages in, and there’s still no murder, not even a darkening on the horizon. And yet, I keep reading, like millions before me.

Why?

I guess a couple or three reasons:

1) There’s the promise of a murder mystery. It’s right there on the front page, in the title of the book.

2) It’s all written in an easy, fun, and yet clever way.

3) It’s got something that I, and all other people, want to hear more about. In this case, that’s human faces, and the unique quirks behind them.

Maybe you won’t agree with me, but I think you can apply all 3 of these points to sales copywriting as well. 1) and 2) are pretty obvious, in terms of how you can port them from Agatha Christie to a sales message. Although it might be surprising,  you can also port the tabloid appeal of 3) to a sales message directly.

For example, there’s this giant promotion written by Dan Ferrari. It has the headline,

“The Stars of Silicon Valley and Hollywood are using this ‘Millionaire’s Secret’ to Look, Move, and Feel Like They’re Aging in Reverse”

The lead paints a scene, involving Goldie Hawn, Sergey Brin, and Moby, all lounging around a cliffside Los Angeles mansion, listening with rapt attention to the talk of a mysterious doctor who is revealing the secret of eternal youth.

And you know what? This promotion killed. It literally tripled the response compared to the previous control (and this promo is for Green Valley, an established direct response company, so the previous control was certainly solid). The end result was that the company ran out of inventory and had to stop running the promo until they could restock. I think that qualifies as murder on the sales page.

What’s that?

You want a light and breezy mystery for your Tuesday evening?

​​And you’re tired of Miss Marple?

Say no more. I got you. Check out this million-dollar Dan Ferrari page-turner instead:

https://greenvalleynaturalsolutions.com/GEN/CA/Genesis-B-telos95.php

Halfway-there copywriting and how to fix it

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Today I want to quickly point out an insidious copywriting mistake which affects newbies — and experienced copywriters alike.

To set it up, let me bring back an email I received yesterday from from Chris Masterjohn, PhD. The subject line read:

“I’m now *giving away* my affiliate commissions… to YOU!”

Huh? When this email first appeared in my inbox, I ignored it. When I finally gave it a skim, this “commissions” idea just left me confused.

That’s because this subject line, and the opening sentences of the email that follow, are a typical example of halfway-there copywriting. Here’s what I mean.

The first thing they will tell you about copywriting is, “Talk benefits. Explain to the reader what’s in it for him.” And that’s what Chris is trying to do with the subject line above.

The background is that Chris has a membership program. One of the perks of the program is that you can get discounts on various health products he recommends.

The trouble is, nobody will ever read Chris’s subject line and say,

“Oh I see where this is going. I buy those products that I want through Chris’s affiliate link. He of course gets an affiliate commission. He then refunds his affiliate commission to me, and I get the product at a discount! That’s great! Where do I sign up?”

Nobody will ever say that, because it’s far from obvious.

The copy is to blame for this. But just so we’re clear, I’m not pointing fingers at Chris. He’s not a pro copywriter. And like I said, this is a mistake that happens even to the pros.

For example, one of the most revealing things I’ve learned since starting to work with my copywriting coach is just how common this issue is even in my own copy.

You think you’re telling the reader what he wants to hear. But you’re still far away from it. You’re too much into the product… into the mechanism… into the brilliant story you’re telling… into your own goals.

The result is that you say something “halfway there”. You’re sure the reader will be able to make the leap and grasp the significance… but you’re wrong.

The reader will be left confused. He’ll walk away. And you’ll lose the sale.

One easy way out from this sad fate is simply to have another person read your copy. A fresh set of eyes can spot these mistakes.

But there’s also a mechanical fix: Just use the phrase “so you can…”

“I’m giving away my affiliate commissions… so you can buy your favorite health products at a discount… so you can save $33 on your next 200 lbs. purchase of grass-fed beef liver.”

I think you get the idea. ​​And of course, if you’re crammed for space, just strip away some of the less compelling stuff at the start. So you can have a crisp and effective subject line. So you can get people to read about your great offer. So you can make filthy heaps of money. So you can come back here and tell me all about it.

An easy way to produce content without being creative or original

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I’m entering hour 72 of running various levels of high fever which means one thing:

My mind is empty and not in good shape to write my daily email.

“Wouldn’t it be nice,” I thought to myself, “if there were some easy way to create content that doesn’t require coming up with a new email idea?” Of course, I respect your time, dear reader, so whatever this easy way is, the result would still have to be interesting and valuable.

So there I was, burning feverishly, when almost by accident, I came across a blog post by Colin Theriot.

You might know Colin as the creator of the popular Cult of Copy Facebook group. What you might not know is that Colin regularly publishes articles on his site, and they are often interesting and motivational.

Well, today, Colin wrote something that was perfect for me.

It’s a way of producing content that doesn’t require you to say anything new or original, but still builds a good relationship with your audience, and gives them value, too. In fact, it’s probably the easiest way to create content. And yet, some big name influencers out there have created giant brands by doing this one thing alone.

Colin’s post explains it nicely and simply, and even gives you a 7-step checklist for how to produce this kind of innovation-free content. I think it’s worth looking at. If you want to give it a peek, here’s the link:

https://cultofcopy.com/creation-and-innovation-are-not-the-only-way-to-provide-value/

Blood-sucking Transylvanian copywriting secrets

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For the past week, I’ve been reading a book called The Land Beyond The Forest.

It was written in the late 19th century by a Scottish woman named Emily Gerard, who lived for a good part of her life in Transylvania (a section of today’s Romania). This book was one of the inspirations for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which was published about 10 years after Gerard’s book.

Anyways, I came across the following passage in the book, which has a lot of value if you’re a copywriter — or just trying to craft sticky messages. Gerard’s writing is in italics and indented, my comments in regular font:

“As in Italy, the recitatore (story-teller), called here provestitore, holds an important place among the Roumanians.”

People love a good story, and they always will. That’s why you should use stories in copy whenever you can.

“The stories recited usually belong to the class of ogre and fairy tale, and would seem rather adapted to a nursery audience than to a circle of full-grown men and women.”

Parris Lampropoulos once said we all believe in magic. It can be overt like these Romanian peasants and their fairy tales… but it’s true even of nerdy and rational 21st century science buffs.

“Sometimes in verse, sometimes in prose, these stories oftenest set forth the adventures of some prince subjected to the cruel persecutions of a giant or sorcerer. The hero has usually a series of tasks allotted to him, or difficulties to be overcome, before he is permitted to enjoy his father’s throne in peace and lead home the beautiful princess to whom he is attached.”

A perfect 2-sentence summary of the hero’s journey, which is one good template you can use to tell a compelling story in copy.

“The tasks dealt out to him must be three at least, sometimes six, seven, nine, or twelve; but never more than this last number, which indeed is quite sufficient for the endurance even of a fairy prince.”

Same thing in copywriting. When you’re giving proof, arguments, or examples, it’s common and effective to give three of the bunch. Plus, if you swap out “task” and put in “bonus” or “premium,” you get the structure of a good offer.

“When the tasks are nine or twelve in number they are then grouped together in batches of three, each batch being finished off with some stereotyped phrase, such as, ‘But our hero’s trials were not yet over by any means, and much remains still to be told.'”

“But wait, there’s more!” Some phrases are so valuable that they keep surfacing across cultures, across media, and across centuries.

“As a matter of course, these trials must always be arranged crescendo, advancing in horror and difficulty towards the end.”

This reminds me of something I heard in a video by copywriter Kyle Milligan. Kyle quoted Agora Fiancial chief Joe Schriefer, who apparently says, “The magic show must always get better!” In other words, the proof must improve, and the results too.

And that, young Nosferatu, is the quote I wanted to share with you.

You probably know this already, but there are predictable ways to get into people’s heads and influence them. Direct marketing copywriters have figured out many of these tricks for themselves.

​​But if you look around, there are other disciplines, or even folk traditions, that can give you good ideas for how to craft sticky, influential messages. And this passage from Gerard’s blood-sucking Transylvanian book is just one good example of that.

Kanye shows you how to win the sticky message victory

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Last Sunday, Kanye West appeared alongside Reverend Martin Short at the 18,600 seat Lakewood Megachurch in Houston, Texas.

Kanye was there to give testimony. He announced the arrogance and cockiness that people know him for is now in the service of God.

At one point, Reverend Short asked Kanye to speak about worshiping fame and money. To which Kanye replied,

“It’s like the Devil stole all the good producers, all the good musicians, all the good artists, all the good designers, all the good business people, and said, ‘You gotta come over and work for me.’ And now the trend, the shift, is going to change. Jesus has won the victory.”

Did you catch that?

Did you see how Kanye instinctively crafted a sticky message?

Rather than talking about vanity, and fame, and riches, all of which are abstract concepts that the mind can’t really latch onto, Kanye wrapped them all up in a single, crystal-clear, memorable character:

The Devil.

Which brings to mind an action-packed and high-value talk I heard by a guy named Fred Catona. Catona, who called himself the “father of direct response radio advertising,” was a high school gym teacher who first made a small fortune by selling Philly cheesesteaks by direct mail.

​​Somewhere along the way, Catona figured out the power of radio for driving traffic to his cheesesteak business. He then launched a little agency to help grow other businesses through direct response-style radio ads.

Catona’s giant breakthrough came around 1995. A guy named Jay Walker called Catona up, and asked for his help in launching a little startup in the travel space.

​​Catona took the job on. He hired the cheapest relevant celebrity he could find (an out-of-work William Shatner), and started running radio ads. 18 months later, thanks in large part to Catona’s radio ads, that little travel startup had a valuation of $20 billion. It’s still around. It’s called Priceline.

Anyways, Catona once gave a talk about his experiences and the lessons he’s learned from his massive radio campaigns. One thing he said is that you should always ask yourself, “Who is your enemy and what does he do?” Your enemy doesn’t have to be a competitor. It can simply be a way of doing business or living life, like Kanye illustrated in his testimony above.

Anyways, Catona unfortunately died a few years ago. But his talk is worth listening to. And even though it was part of Brian Kurtz’s $2,000 Titans of Direct Response, you can watch it for free once you get a copy of Brian’s Overdeliver book.

​​The book is apparently on sale now, and you can get it for $10 and with free shipping. And along with the Fred Catona talk, it’s got about $1,213 worth of other bonuses, including some rare direct marketing gems you can’t find anywhere else. In case you want to find out more, here’s where to go:

https://overdeliverbook.com/

The inspirational and brutal truth about copywriting

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I’m a tad exhausted and with good reason.

I’ve just handed in the VSL I’ve been working on for the past month.

It’s been a huge pile of work. In fact, an amazingly huge pile. Contributed in part by the fact it’s also the first project I’ve done while working with my copywriting coach, a copywriter himself, and somebody who’s much more successful (and better at writing copy) than I am. All of which is making me reminisce…

Specifically, to a moment about a year after I started writing copy.

At that point, I had read a couple of copywriting books. I had raised my rates to respectable levels. And I had done some small- and medium -sized projects for various clients, mostly with positive feedback (“Wow this looks great”) and even with some positive results (“We used your copy and it made 30% more sales than what we were using before”). And I remember thinking to myself then,

“Well, that’s it. I’ve arrived. I’ve read those two books. I’m making decent money. I have good feedback and results. And I guess I’ve mastered all there is to know about this copywriting thing.”

Well, it’s now about three years later. And I’m amazed by how complex and complicated copywriting really is.

When you read copy, that’s not obvious.

It seems simple or even simplistic. And if you have any pretensions to being a writer, you think to yourself, “Pff, I could do this myself easy.”

What you don’t see is all the hidden high-level work that goes into choosing exactly those arguments, presented in that order. You also don’t see all the hidden low-level work, polishing each sentence, and possibly each word, in a 30- or 50- or 80-page promo. In other words, what you don’t see are the hundreds of other permutations of this exact sales letter that existed either on paper or in the copywriter’s head.

Now depending on how you look at it, that can either be inspirational or brutal.

Brutal, because the fact is, copywriting continues to require a lot of work. As you get better, you just see different things (and more of them) that can be improved.

Inspirational, because if you’re looking for a craft that you can really work on for years to come, then this is it. Plus, it apparently pays royalties as well.

Master this 2-bit magic trick for a conversion boost

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I got a marketing email today with the subject line:

“Add THIS To Your Coffee For A Memory Boost”

The email explains: “It’s not sugar or cream, and it’s not anything that will affect the taste… But it’s clinically shown to improve your memory starting in just 1 hour.”

​​Hmmm… interesting.

Almost as interesting as a Penn and Teller magic trick I watched involving a disappearing chicken. Penn announces he will make the chicken disappear from its cage through the use of misdirection. “That’s a magical term,” Penn informs you, “a term of art. It’s a curating of attention… giving the audience a story they can tell themselves that lets them not really know they were distracted.”

Penn keeps explaining how he’s going to fool you as he lowers a velvet cloth over the soon-to-be-disappeared chicken. And then suddenly, a man in a gorilla suit jumps out from backstage, banging some cymbals. Meanwhile, Teller, the quiet half of the duo, sneaks behind the cage, takes the chicken out, and walks off.

Eventually, the commotion settles down. ​​

“How many of you saw the gorilla?” Penn asks the audience. Everybody raises their hand.

“And how many of you saw Teller take the chicken out?” Almost all hands go up again.

“Now, how many of you saw him sneak the gorilla into the cage?” Penn asks. And he strips away the velvet cloth to show the gorilla struggling in the cage, right where the chicken was only a few seconds ago.

Pretty impressive. But getting back to marketing… What is this non-sugar, non-cream coffee additive that will boost your memory in just one hour?

Well, if you click on the link, and have the patience to watch the VSL, you’ll find out it’s a run-of-the-mill supplement, specifically, a capsule containing some standard herbs that are supposed to make an old and tired mind sharper. It’s not in any way connected to coffee, though I guess you can plop it into your coffee, much like you could plop a pair of keys into your coffee so you don’t forget them.

Maybe you see my point.

​​Misdirection is a clever magic trick to use in copy. It works well to get attention, and probably, to increase sales as well. But be careful.

​​Unlike with a magic show, people won’t be pleased to be fooled like with the coffee/supplement example. Your misdirection should be subtle and, unlike in the marketing email I got, at least a little plausible. Nobody likes to feel like a gullible ass, and they probably won’t give you a second chance.

How is your vagal tone?

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“Well I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?”
– Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah

Gary Halbert once wrote that if you’re in the marketing business, you always have to do two things:

1) Keep the fundamentals in mind
2) Keep an eye out for what’s working right now

Well, right now, one specific health offer seems to be working like crazy. I’m assuming this because I’ve gotten dozens of emails promoting this offer over the past two months.

Many of these emails came from various Agora health brands (the offer in question also seems to come from an Agora brand). Others came from 3rd party newsletters that I suppose are affiliates. And I’ve even seen email drops in Newsmax promoting this offer.

I’m listening to the VSL right now, and two things stick out as possible reasons why this offer is doing so well at the moment.

First, it has a unique “problem mechanism” (that’s a term that I first heard from top-flight copywriter Stefan Georgi). In this case, the problem mechanism is “low vagal tone,” which as the VSL will tell you, will do everything from shriveling your nuts to corroding your cells and even burning out your brain. Do you have a health problem right now? Maybe it’s time to get your vagal tone checked.

But how do you check your vagal tone? Well, the VSL has an answer for you. It’s even got a solution in case you find that your vagal tone is low.

And that’s the second possible reason why this VSL seems to be killing it right now. The “solution mechanism” (your run of the mill, Gene Schwartz mechanism) is not a pill, not a supplement, and not even a newsletter. instead, it’s a special sound, or as the VSL says, a “healing frequency discovered between 85-255 Hz.”

Maybe that’s the secret chord that David played to increase the vagal tone. Anyways, if you’re in the marketing business, and you’d like to see this offer that’s working so well right now, here’s the link:

https://pro.donovanhealth.com/p/OV6SSSPKG1I/EOV6VB48/