Out of office and Carlton’s self-programming trick

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I finished up this morning’s Zoom call and then I tiptoed back to bed, snuck in, and started shivering under three layers of blankets.

There were two things I wanted to get done today. The Zoom call was one. And I managed to get it done, in spite of being sick with some unidentified illness.

I’m telling you this in case you’ve written me in the past few days and haven’t gotten a response. It’s because I’ve pared down what I’m doing to the absolute essentials.

I also wanted to share a little psychological hack I learned from John Carlton. Carlton writes:

Gary Halbert used to buy himself watches, or cameras, or even boats (preferably used wooden craft requiring thousands in maintenance, but that’s another story) whenever he finished a big gig. As a reward for a job well done.

I’ve always rewarded myself with free time (as in taking the phone off the hook for an entire week, or splitting to hang with friends).

It doesn’t matter what, precisely, the reward is (as long as it’s meaningful to you)… but the ACT of rewarding yourself fires up the motivation part of your unconscious brain.

You might think it’s silly to connect Carlton’s watches-and-sailboats advice to my situation today.

So be it.

But I don’t think I could have pulled myself together for the call had I scheduled more work for myself right after, and had I not promised myself that shivery, four-hour nap as a reward.

But anyways. Here’s an email-writing tip. Wrap up what you’ve been talking about by giving your reader a takeaway he can use today. So here it is, in Carlton’s words:

Fastest path to burnout is to finish a grueling gig, clear the desk, and then start the next grueling gig.

What the hell are you thinking, you’re Superman?

Decompress, go shop for a goodie, teach your brain to associate end-of-job with fun rewards.

Main key: The reward cannot be something you’d buy or do anyway. It has to be pure excessive nonsense (like Halbert’s 14th watch or 3rd boat) that delights your Inner Kid.

Last point:

If you’d like to read me repurposing and curating famous copywriters good ideas, consider signing up to my email newsletter.

Do you ignore emails with the word “secret” in the subject line?

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Dear probationer,

It happened to a direct response entrepreneur whose name has become synonymous with success, power, and wealth.

Early in his career, he had to write an important sales letter. But he was completely blocked for a good hook.

In a last minute act of desperation, he drove down to the Library of Congress.

There he managed to track down a copy of an ancient, highly successful sales letter he had heard about years earlier. And he adapted the hook for his own letter.

Result? His letter tripled response over the control, and stayed unbeatable for over five years…

And the point of my story is this. There is a lot of value in old sales letters if you start to dig around in them.

I like to dig around in old sales letters. And today, I want to share a complimentary copy of one such letter with you.

But before I do that, I’d like to ask permission to see if you’ll get anything out of the letter that I share. To find out what kind of marketer or copywriter you are. To get some idea whether clicking on the link below will be something you enjoy or not.

And so right in this email, you’ll find a short psychological quiz. Answer the questions truthfully, and then I’ll give you an interpretation based on your results. Ready? Here goes:

1. Have you read John Caples’s Tested Advertising Methods (any edition)?

2. Have you watched two or more comedy specials in the last year?

3. Do you check your spam folder often and even read emails that clearly are spam?

4. Do you have a place in your home or office where you save classic ads you’ve hand copied?

5. Do you harbor private doubts about the marketing mantra, “If they pay, they pay attention?”

6. Do you ever prefer reading transcripts of podcasts or videos to actually watching or listening?

Interpretation: generally, the more questions you answered with “yes,” the more value you will get from seeing the sales letter at the link below.

What I’ve learned is that you’re somewhat curious (you check your spam folder). You’re also systematic about getting better at copywriting (hand copying ads and even saving the result).

You value surprise (watching multiple comedy specials). You’re also a reader (preferring transcripts on occasion). You value deep, proven information, even if it’s not trendy (the Caples book).

In short, you are a person who values insight and who is highly dedicated to getting better at your craft. Moreover, the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to be tested shows a coachable, adaptable personality.

My test also shows you value information for its own sake (the “if they pay…” mantra). And that’s why you are likely to value what you will find at the link below.

It’s a short sales letter — only 4 pages. But it illustrates very powerful techniques of influence. Techniques which will only become more relevant in the coming years.

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt,” said Shakespeare’s Lucio circa 1604. Oh Lucio, that thou wert alive now and could attempt to click the link below. What insights! What involvement devices! What deep psychology!

https://bejakovic.com/psychology

Welcome to Horneytown

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First, a warning:

Today’s email contains several dirty, obscene, lewd — and I’m afraid to say this — even French names. I see no other way to make an otherwise important point. If this upsets you, I suggest you stop reading now.

But if you’re still with me, here are some real places with unusual names:

* Blue Ball and Intercourse, Pennsylvania
* Eggs and Bacon Bay, Tasmania
* Pee Pee, Ohio
* Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands
* Y, France
* Pett Bottom, England
* Whorehouse Meadow, Oregon

I’ll tell you in a moment where I’m going with this.

But first, let me tell you how I found all this out. It was in a book called “Welcome to Horneytown, North Carolina, Population: 15.” I spent the last 40 or so minutes reading it.

It was my email yesterday that did it. It mentioned the town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. I saw the name again today when going over replies I got to my email from yesterday. This led me to the Horneytown book — as well as a surprise.

Because I’d known about Truth or Consequences for years. I even made plans once to travel there with a girl I’d chatted up one evening when I was feeling uncharacteristically outgoing.

But all these years, I assumed Truth or Consequences started out as some fundamentalist Wild West community. Fear of God and the Bible, let any stray cowboy riding into town know exactly what he’s getting into, that type of thing.

But no. Truth or Consequences was founded in 1930. It was originally called Hot Springs. It renamed itself in 1950 after a popular radio show as a publicity stunt.

I could keep going on about this. But I once heard A-list copywriter Parris Lampropolous share a valuable lesson he himself learned from A-list copywriter and entrepreneur Mark Ford.

Mark advises copywriters NOT to go on for more than a page about the same thing. Page, page and a half max.

Then Mark advises you to say, “I’ll tell you more about that in a moment, but first…” And then hit them with something new.

Perhaps you wonder what this has to do with obscene, unusual, and French place names. In that case, perhaps today’s email deserves a closer reading. And so do some of my other emails.

Because this page, page-and-a-half-max thing is so important that I try to respect it in each email I write these days. Only, expectations are different in emails than in sales letters. A page and a half in an email is too long to talk about the same thing. I’ll explain why in just a bit, but first…

The opportunity of the lucrative lead gen business

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Today I’d like to suggest you are not really in the business you think you are in. Or at least you shouldn’t be. Here’s what I mean:

A few days ago, I flew Turkish Airlines. I was pleased to see they offer free WiFi on board. Well, free in exchange for signing up for their frequent flyer program, Miles&Smiles.

Miles&Smiles. No doubt.

Because I found out today that frequent flyer programs are really the heart of how airlines make money.

For example, Delta’s frequent flyer program is worth $26 billion, according to an estimate last year by the Financial Times. At the time of that estimate, all of Delta as a company was worth $19 billion.

Did you catch that math? Let me break it down, step by step.

Delta is not really in the business of getting you from Tulsa to Truth or Consequences. That part of Delta — planes, stewardesses, Bloody Mary’s — was worth -$7 billion last year. Yes, negative seven billion dollars.

Delta’s real business is doing lead gen for banks. Delta manufactures points. It sells these points to banks. The banks then use the points as incentives to get you to use their credit cards. That business is worth $26 billion.

Of course, Delta is not unique in this. Other large airlines work the same way. And it’s not just airlines either.

AAA and AARP offer low-cost membership programs in exchange for some nice perks and services. But how they really make money is lead gen for other industries. AARP was even started by an insurance company.

You could make the case that magazine and newspaper subscriptions are more of the same.

My point for you — well, I told you my point right at the start. So instead of beating a dead horse to water, let me just announce my new frequent reader loyalty program.

It’s called Insights&More.

Insights&More will offer rare behind-the-scenes footage of me, sitting in a cavernous Airbnb in Istanbul and writing this email.

It will also offer points, which you can trade in for mentorship, coaching, or sales funnel optimizations.

And finally, Insights&More will include free access to our suite of virtual lounges. Eat all the virtual croissants you like, and mingle with other classy and influential people who read these emails regularly.

Applications to become an inaugural member of Insights&More are being accepted now. Simply follow the instructions here and then let our customer service team know why you think you’d be a good candidate.

Oh. One last thing.

If you happen to own a bank or other large institution that profits from the hope and movement of human beings, get in touch. I have a business proposal I’d like to run by you. It could be beneficial for us both.

100,000 bad emails

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“I was a profound failure. Not really profound enough. I kind of slid in the middle of failure. Some of us were picturesque. I was just dull.”

Chuck Jones went to art college at age 15.

You might have heard of Chuck Jones before. He eventually became the Oscar-winning animator behind the best Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons… the creator of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote… and the director of How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

But back at art college, Jones found everyone else was taller and could draw infinitely better than him.

He was dejected. One thing that helped him was a teacher who stepped in front of the whole class and said:

“Every one of you has 100,000 bad drawings in you. The sooner you get rid of them, the better it will be for everybody.”

This includes everybody who signed up for my Influential Emails training. They’ve all been getting emails from me. I want to know why they signed up, and what they hope to get out of it. One guy replied:

For me, the challenge is finding ideas that seem unrelated, connecting them to create insights and then communicate them in an intriguing way without sounding fake.

In all honesty, its to remove the fear of I don’t know what to write with the confidence that I have a process for figuring out exactly what to do.

I’ll talk about the specifics of my process inside Infuential Emails. But honestly, the comment above brilliantly lays out the gist of my process, in just one sentence. That’s all you need to get started. That, along with the Chuck Jones quote above to get over any lingering fear.

But wait, there’s more!

This is part of a bigger thing I’ve found in life.

Many times, if I’m faced with a brick wall in my path and I can’t see any way through it, I’ll take out a piece of paper. And I’ll start writing down my currently available ideas.

“#1. Bang head against wall. #2 Beat fists against wall. #3 Lie down and die. #4….” When I free up my brain of bad ideas that take me nowhere, I sometimes find good ideas underneath.

Do you remember the rejection game? It was a trendy thing some 10 years ago.

Each day the goal was to get somebody to tell you no. As soon as you did that, you succeeded. The point was to keep the streak going for as long as you could.

I tried it back then. It was surprisingly fun and liberating.

Because when you seek out and reward yourself for reaching what you normally avoid, you don’t just achieve more. You reframe what success means.

Did you find this informative and motivational? Are you ready to get going writing something yourself? If so, good.

But did you think I’ve written more coherent and interesting emails in the past, and that this isn’t among one of my standouts?

Even better. I’ve just gotten rid of another one of those 100,000 bad emails, and freed up my brain for something new and possibly amazing the next time I sit down to write. And you can do the same, starting today.

The mysterious, two-pronged power of teasing

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A few weeks ago, I found myself at a restaurant staring at a fat kid.

He was sitting in the corner, picking his nose, and playing a racing game on his tablet. It was uncanny. He was as close to Nelson from The Simpsons as I’ve ever seen a kid in real life, including the two-tone ha-ha laugh he kept repeating.

My dinner partner, a healthier and more rooted person than I am, thought the kid was great. “Look at how much energy he has! So full of life!” All evening long, he kept calling Nelson to our table, pinching him, tickling him, teasing him. Of course, Nelson loved it.

Ha-ha!

I’ve long wondered why teasing works so well.

Playfully accuse somebody. Push them away. Even jokingly insult them. And odds are, they will love you for it.

I don’t have a good mental model for why that is. It remains mysterious to me, even when I end up teasing people or getting teased myself.

The curious thing is, in English at least, we use same word for a completely other kind of behavior, one I understand better.

I’m talking about stringing somebody along for a while, leading them by the nose, revealing bits and pieces but not giving the whole thing away.

This second kind of teasing is equally as powerful as the first kind. As copywriter Dan Ferrari wrote:

19) One of the most powerful tools in marketing is the tease. It could be as “small” as 2-3 lines of copy that build up a reveal. It could be as “large” as dangling a new product release in front of existing customers FOR MONTHS (<—do this often and you’ll be able fly private to Hawaii to thank me personally).

This was part of an email Dan sent out a few days ago.

Dan doesn’t email a lot. But he’s sure to do so at least once a year.

Each year, on his birthday, Dan sends out X direct marketing lessons to match his X years on the earth. He just turned 37 and so he shared 37 lessons.

Maybe you knew that already. Maybe you missed out.

If you did miss out, then let me tell you Dan’s birthday emails generally include no illustrations. Only valuable insights.

I’ve found they merit reading and rereading. I sometimes come to a smart conclusion, and only then realize that it’s something Dan had written years earlier in one of these emails. It finally make sense.

The thing is, Dan doesn’t post his emails anywhere publicly. And if you want to sign up for his email list, so you get any future emails he sends, whether for his next birthday or sooner, well, even that’s a problem. His optin page wasn’t working when I last checked it.

It might be worth checking again now. Or tomorrow. Or in a few months’ time. How’s that for a tease? Here’s the link in case you’re intrigued:

http://www.ferrarimedia.com/new/

The Dan Kennedy box from hell

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I opened the box. A look of disgust must have washed over my face because my dad’s wife, who was in the room, started laughing at me.

“Not happy with what you bought?” she asked.

Months earlier, I’d gone on eBay and ordered a big box of Dan Kennedy stuff. I finally got to opening the box this past weekend. My face dropped when I saw the reality of what I’d ordered.

Dozen of old newsletters. 30-40 CDs and DVDs. Brochures, binders, and booklets, totaling hundreds of thousands of words of content.

What was I thinking when I bought this? How many years would it take me to give this even a cursory run-through?

I closed up the box and moved it aside. I tried to ignore it as it sat in the corner for a day. Then I put it in the closet, so I don’t have to look at it any more.

Yesterday, I promised to tell you about marketer Sean D’Souza’s fringe view of marketing.

The mainstream view says marketing is made up of two equally important parts:

1. Traffic

2. Conversion

Sean says that leaves out a third, equally important piece:

1. Traffic

2. Conversion

3. Consumption

Sean likes using restaurant analogies. He explains:

Your business tends to be like a buffet. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re selling products, or services, or are a trainer. You’re going to want to run a buffet.

You’re going to want to dump all your information; all your skills; all your blah-blah Powerpoint slides on your customer at one go.

And like a buffet the customer is going to eat hungrily. Then go from hunger to greed.

From greed to indigestion.

Forty five burps later, your customer is now sick of your ‘buffet’.

“That’s nonsense,” I hear you say. “I see people all the time buying stuff they never use. It doesn’t stop them from buying more stuff they will never use.”

Maybe so. Like Sean likes to say, I’m not trying to prove anything to you. If you find this consumption idea works for you, use it. If it doesn’t work for you, no problem.

Personally, the way I look at it is:

I can’t make sure people will profit from what I sell. I can’t even make sure they will consume it.

But I can make pretty sure they won’t consume it. And my personal philosophy is to avoid selling in a way that causes my customers to reflexively bring up their hand to their mouth, because their stomach starts churning each time they think of the last time I sold them something.

That’s why I only provide one serving of marketing and copywriting nutrition each day. Light, tasty fare. Zero buffet. If you’d like to sample it, here’s where to go.

The case against deadlines in your marketing

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Now, the ant may have a fault or two
But lending is not something she will do.
She asked what the cricket did in summer.
“By night and day, to any comer
I sang whenever I had the chance.”
“You sang, did you? That’s nice. Now dance.

Imagine a squat little ant and a tall, lanky cricket, waving to each other across an empty field.

That’s how the sales graph looked for the Influential Emails offer I ran last week.

On the first day, I had a squat but reasonable number of sales. That’s the ant on one side of the empty field. That ant — or rather, the proactive ants who took me up on my offer early — made up 15% of the total sales I got in terms of revenue.

For the next 6 days, I made some sales each day, But really, it was nothing to sing or dance about.

And then, on the very last day, just as I was ready to wrap it up and hunker down for a long and hungry winter, I got a bunch of orders. A tall and crickety spike in the sales graph. Totaling 47% percent of the whole.

So what’s the conclusion?

You might think this is a classic example of why nothing in the world ever gets done without a deadline. And that it’s foolish to allow people to buy your stuff whenever they want, because your garden variety of wanting is not enough to get crickets to act.

That’s one way to look at it.

Another way is that perhaps some of those come-lately crickets would have bought earlier had I not made this into a time-limited offer. Maybe they know they tend to put things off, and they would have acted to prevent this from happening.

Perhaps others would have bought over the coming weeks and months, had I kept reminding them and teasing them with regular, interesting emails.

And perhaps still others would have bought in time who will NOT buy now, because the offer is no longer available.

All those are reasonable arguments against putting a deadline on your offer, at least if you’ve got a good way to stay in touch with your prospects.

The fact is, we will never know.

I run time-limited offers with deadlines because I like it that way. Because it motivates me, and because it’s in line with my own cricket-like nature. And because I’m happy enough with the results, even if those results perhaps could have been higher through some other way of doing business.

Marketer Sean D’Souza was once asked if he has any data to show his contrarian business model works. He replied:

Do we have any data? No, we don’t.

The customers are using this every single day. I’m not actually here to prove anything to you.

What I’m asking you, when you go to a restaurant, does it work for you? When you go on a dating thing, does it work for you? When you go on the Apple site, does it work for you?

If you don’t think it works for you, don’t put it into place. I don’t have data. I started out as a cartoonist, I moved to marketing, and this has allowed us to take three vacations, buy houses, travel, do all the things we really wanted to do. We earn more money than we need.

The point is, if you think it works for you, put it in place. If you don’t think it works for you, that’s not a problem.

I heard this early in my marketing education. It’s stuck with me ever since. Both Sean’s attitude of, “Do we have any data? No, but it works for us.” But also the contrarian view of marketing that Sean was talking about.

Perhaps you don’t know what that contrarian view is. That’s a shame.

Because like Sean says, his way of marketing… well, it allowed him to achieve everything he wanted, on his own terms.

It might give you some good ideas as well. So if you’re curious, little cricket, check out my email tomorrow. That’s where I’ll tell you about the “it” that allowed Sean those vacations and those houses and that money. And you can then see if it might work for you, too.

Answers to life, the universe, and all direct response marketing questions

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If you’re looking for the answer to life, the universe, and all direct response marketing questions, then I have a computer you should talk to.

No, I mean it.

A real computer. It’s called Delphi. You tell it something. And using some computer magic plus an ever-updating database of previous moral judgments, Delphi tells you if your prompt is ethical or not… good or bad… moral or immoral.

I wanted to see if it worked at all. So I fed it a few prompts. And here’s what it spat back:

“Get rich” — it’s good

“Get rich slowly” — it’s okay

“Get rich quick” — it’s wrong

That’s encouraging. Maybe this Delphi really does know something.

Because the responses above are pretty much how a large part of the population feels about money.

They’d like to have more of it, maybe even much more. But they are not very enthusiastic about grinding it out over the years and decades they imagine it would really take. And yet, they have moral hangups about getting there quick — it must mean doing something sneaky or bad.

Ok, Delphi. Let’s see how you do with a few direct response classics. Here are a few promises made by Gene Schwartz, Chris Haddad, and Gary Halbert:

“Master Transcendental Meditation In A Single Evening” — it’s unreasonable

“Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back, Literally At The Push Of A Button” — it’s immoral

“Lose Up To 20 Pounds In Two Weeks The Lazy Way” — it’s bad

Interesting. I wonder what Delphi’s layers of virtual neurons didn’t like about these promises. Let’s try a few full-blown DR headlines, from Parris Lampropoulos, John Carlton, and David Deutsch:

“Scientists Discover Solution to Sexual Problems Hidden in 1,500-Year-Old Himalayan Secret” — it’s good

“Amazing Secret Discovered By One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards To Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks and Slices And Can Slash Up To 10 Strokes From Your Game Almost Overnight!” — it’s good

“What Every Wife Wishes Her Husband Knew About Estate Planning And The IRS Hopes You Never Find Out” — it’s good

Perhaps you can see inside Delphi’s mind and understand why the oracle liked these headlines.

I have my own theory. It’s something will be sharing with people who signed up for my Influential Emails training.

That offer is now closed — I shut it down earlier today, as I said I would.

But if you didn’t sign up for Influential Emails… and you want to know my thoughts on the above headlines, and how this can be used to make your emails better… well, then just stay put. I’m sure to use this technique in an email soon, and then it will probably be obvious to you.

But for today, since Influential Emails is closed, I have no offer to make to you. Well, none except absolute moral judgements on any question you might have… along with age-old wisdom about direct response headlines and body copy. You can find it in the hallowed issues of my daily email newsletters. Here’s the entrance to the temple.

3 copywriting riddles to ruin your productivity

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Productivity expert (and Elon Musk lookalike) Tiago Forte recently shared three unique and counterintuitive tips:

1. No email gets answered for 48 hrs

2. No meeting gets scheduled before 1 week out

3. No project gets launched w/ < a month notice

This sounds like great advice to me. I’m all for letting emails and meetings wither in the sun and get whipped by the wind and the rain, to the point where they hopefully die on the vine.

But about that third tip with the projects… well, that’s great advice too. I just wish I had the self-awareness to follow it. But I don’t.

For example, last Friday morning, I had the idea for a new project. A training where I reveal my go-to tricks and tactics and secrets for writing these emails.

The next 18 or so hours of my life are a blur.

What I know is that on Friday afternoon, I wrote up an email to float that idea to my email list. I also included a bribe — a discount — to gauge interest. On Friday evening, I sent the email out.

Saturday morning arrived. It turns out there was interest. My inbox was creaking and straining under the load.

So I sat down, defined what the offer would be, bought a domain, renamed the offer to its current name, created the website and sales funnel, wrote an email to promote it all, and sent that out. Oh, I also wrote up a rudimentary sales page so people could actually know what they were buying.

Should I have taken Tiago’s advice and waited a month to launch this project? Probably. But it’s a moot point now. I’m in for the ride.

Over the week that’s passed since, I haven’t had time to do much to improve that sales page. That changed a bit this morning. I added 9 fascinations to the sales page about what I will reveal.

Perhaps you’d like a riddle? Here’s one of the fascinations I wrote. You can test out your riddle-solving skills and guess what I have in mind:

* How to build your authority at the expense of others in your industry. I call it the “bait & switch” email close. Readers love it, and it’s less shady than it might sound.

Maybe that’s too obvious given my recent emails. Ok. So here’s a second riddle:

* The hypnotic induction I use to get readers over dry or technical material. Goes all the way back to Dr. Milton Erickson. I find it very powerful, but but I’ve never met anybody in the copywriting space who knows about it.

Got that also? Clever hobbit you are. All right, here’s one last one for tonight:

* A cheap but effective way to use email to get on the radar of powerful and influential people in your industry. I used this to get a bunch of top Agora copywriters and marketers on my list. Also makes your emails easier and more fun to read.

Did I finally get you stumped? Or do you have guesses for all three riddles, but you want to make sure you were right?

Well, the only way to get certain answers to these riddles, plus about a dozen more, is to sign up for my Influential Emails training. The deadline to sign up is tonight, 12 midnight PST.

The Influential Emails signup page is below. It’s not beautiful, and it doesn’t represent weeks or months of copywriting effort. But if I’ve done a good job with my emails to date, and if you are a good fit for this training, I believe it will do. Here’s the link:

https://influentialemails.com